Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Milspouse

Finding Your Military Spouse Tribe

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Finding Your Military Spouse TribeFinding Your Military Spouse Tribe

“Find friends,” they say. “You need friends to get through military life,” they say. You understand why they say this. Life IS better with the support of other people. The problem is, you have been at your duty station for six months now and are still struggling to find your people. You had people, but they all moved away. You are so busy with your kids that time with friends seems to never come.

You have never been one to make friends quickly. You are choosy and don’t trust a lot of people. You have been hurt in the past, and you just don’t want to give your heart to anyone. At the same time, you yearn for a circle. A circle of friends who get you and your life.

Finding Your Military Spouse Tribe

Friends who understand why you can never just turn off your phone, even during a meeting.
Friends who get how hard it can be to tell your child their Dad is not coming home at night.
Friends who know what saying goodbye to the love of your life is like and not just for a weekend business trip.
Friends who feel the pain of being 2,000 miles from your mom even though you need her at the moment.

These friends, you want them too. You see how close your spouse is to deploying and you know you want to find your people before that happens.

The truth is, sometimes friendships come easily. You met someone at swim lessons and the next day you are sitting in her backyard sharing memories about how you both were over in Germany. Her in 2002, you in 2010.

The truth is, sometimes they don’t come so quickly even though you are putting yourself out there, going to play groups and joining the FRG.

The best thing to do, the only thing to do is be a good friend, continue to put yourself out there and believe you will find your military sisters, even if it takes some time. Look at your local community, figure out what you can do each week to meet new people and have faith that your circle is out there.

Finding your tribe might take some time, but once you do, the benefits will be worth it.

14 Memes for Your Milspouse Life

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14 Memes for Your Milspouse Life

14 Memes for Your Milspouse Life

Whether you are getting ready for your 3rd PCS or just started your 1st deployment, milspouse life is unique and comes with its own challenges. Some days will be easier than others. Some years will be easier than others. Here are some milspouse memes to help you through…:)

milspouse memes

If you have ever been through a deployment before, you have probably been through these stages. #4 can be the hardest but #5 makes you feel like the strongest person in the world.

milspouse memes

One of the best feelings is to be reunited with a good friend! Good thing the military world is so small.

 

milspouse memes

Yes, yes it can 🙁 Just remember, deployments don’t last forever.

 

milspouse memes

Having your own battle buddy on the homefront will make any deployment a bit easier. You two know what missing your spouse is like and how hard solo parenting can be.

 

milspouse memes

Seriously! Deployments don’t go by too fast…they usually go at a snail’s pace. So never say that to someone about their deployment.

 

milspouse memes

Yep, they wouldn’t happen any other weekend…of course not. Gotta love the drill weekend.

 

milspouse memes

Would the military please make up its mind??? You just want to know where you will be living!

 

milspouse memes

Just keep at it, friends will come, even if it takes a while.

 

milspouse memes

Truth! Remember this! It will save you some heartache and frustration.

 

milspouse memes

Basically, be a good person 🙂

 

milspouse memes

If you need help, ask for you. Some couples need a little extra help to get through the time after a deployment.

 

milspouse memes

Yes. Never stop the love! Keep it flowing, even across the ocean. Say it as often as you can.

 

 

milspouse memes

Yes, be kind. You never know who just say goodbye to their husband. We might all be dealing with something.

 

milspouse memes

Each day down is another day closer. You got this! You really do!

What’s your favorite milspouse meme???

 

Debunking Myths About Deployment

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Debunking Myths About Deployment

Waiting for a deployment to start can be a bit scary. There is a lot of advice, and you might be feeling a little unsure about what a deployment will be like. Will the deployment be too hard for you? Will you struggle every day or be able to find a way to get through? Will you thrive or just simply survive?

There are some ideas about deployment that I just don’t think are true, at least not for me. Here are some myths about deployment and the truth behind them.

Debunking Myths About Deployment

 

Never countdown the days

I love counting down the days when my husband is gone. I love waking up in the morning and crossing a day off the calendar. It’s what gets me through. Not everyone likes countdowns, but they are a part of how I deal with deployments. If you like countdowns too, use them, just remember to never make them public on social media.

Keeping busy will be enough

Although the number one piece of advice during a deployment is to keep busy and doing so will help, keeping busy isn’t everything. Sometimes being too busy can make your flustered. You might need that downtime, just not too much of it. Filling up my calendar with a lot of activities but also leaving room for chill days is how I make things work during a deployment.

Going home will solve your problem

Going back home for a deployment can be a very good idea, especially if you have a supportive family. However, you are still going to have stressful deployment days. You will still really miss your spouse, and there could be other issues that come up if you are home. You could be the only one in your friend circle without a spouse around, you could feel too much pressure to see all the people you used to hang out with, you might not get along with your family as much as you thought you would. Really reflect on the decision to go home during a deployment and know that it could come with its own set of challenges too.

Deployments will get easier the more of them you do

If only we could get a degree in deployments. If only the more of them we go through, the easier they would become. The truth is, you will have hard deployments and more difficult deployments. The details of what is going on in your life during each deployment can be so different. One deployment you could be pregnant, the next you might have a two-year-old. Try to take what you learned from each deployment to help you through the next one.

You can’t have fun without them

There is this idea that you shouldn’t have any fun when your spouse is deployed. This isn’t true. While you will miss them when you are making plans, you need to be able to have fun without them, especially when you have kids. You have to be able to take them places, make memories together and enjoy your life, even when your spouse is deployed.

Shorter deployments will be easier

I once thought that the shorter the deployment, the easier the deployment would be. Not true. One of my hardest deployments was just six months long, one of our shorter deployments. Although I would always take a six-month deployment over a 15-month deployment, shorter doesn’t always mean easier.

Once they get home, all will be perfect

When your spouse is away, it is easy to focus on all the good things about your relationship and ignore any issues you were having or anything that needs to be worked out. Even if things were going well for you when they deployed, know that reintegration can come with struggles. As they come home and you get back to everyday life, you will have to get back to the daily challenges that come with raising a family, being married and having a spouse who just returned from a war zone. Getting excited about the homecoming is a good thing but always be aware that there could be a lot of work to do once the ceremony is over.

How PCSing Overseas Will Change You Forever

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How PCSing Overseas Will Change You Forever

How PCSing Overseas Will Change You Forever

We got on the train headed for our new home in Schweinfurt, Germany. I had never been to Europe before. I hadn’t even been to Canada. Only parts of Mexico back in high school. I was in another world, but one that looked similar to my own.

As we got on that train, filled with German businessmen and women, I realized something that stuck with me during our time overseas. That no matter where you live or where you grew up, people are people and just trying to do the best they can do each day.

Over the four years, we were in Germany, I learned so much about our world and even myself. Being over there wasn’t always a picnic, but I am so thankful that we spent the time we did overseas. I honestly believe that being stationed overseas will change you forever and that if you get the chance to go there, you should. Even if you are scared, even if you have never left home before in the past.

Going overseas will open your eyes

You will learn more, see more and do more than you ever would have if you had only stayed in your country. You will be challenged, and you will have some of your preconceived notions shaken out of you. You can’t help that as you see other cultures and realize that the world is a much bigger place than you ever thought it could be.

Going overseas will open you to travel

Traveling can be scary for some people. The PCS might be the first time you have been out of your comfort zone. Being overseas will help you get used to traveling. For one thing, you will have to make that long airplane flight across the ocean. For another, you will be more likely to travel and explore in your overseas location. You will take that traveling bug back home with you and will want to keep traveling as the years go by. There is so much to see in our world, and you will want to see as much of it as possible.

Going overseas will make you more compassionate

By spending time overseas, you will learn more about humanity and this will make you a more compassionate person. No longer will your own worldview be the only one you are exposed to. Military life will do this anyway but add in an overseas tour, and you will encounter even more people you would never have. This is a good thing. I believe that if more people could travel there would be a lot less hate in our world.

Going overseas will make you more creative

When you are overseas, you can’t help but notice the local customs of your host country. Some of them you will want to take home with you. You will also see how other countries do things and will want to work towards similar changes when you return home. Before you moved overseas, you might not have realized why other countries do the things they do or how they work out in real life. Now that you know, you can bring back some of those ideas into your communities back home.

Going overseas will make you appreciate home

You will miss a lot about the United States when you are overseas, and that can get difficult at times. Once you are back in the states, you will be able to enjoy what you missed again. Whether it is how close your family is or taking trips to your favorite landmarks, going overseas will help you appreciate where you come from.

Not everyone gets to experiences pcsing overseas when they are in the military so if you do, take advantage of your time over there. Learn what you can and bring that back home with you. A PCS overseas will change you forever, and that can be a magnificent thing.

Have you ever been stationed overseas? Where at?

So, Your Spouse Just Deployed? What Should You Do Now?

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So, Your Spouse Just Deployed? What Should You Do Now?

So, Your Spouse Just Deployed? What Should You Do Now?

The day has come and you had to say goodbye. Day one. Day one of who knows how many days. Day one of this deployment. Whether this is your first deployment or your last, you are going to need some support to get through all of these days. Whether they are gone for four months or fourteen, you are going to need to figure out a way to get through the time apart.

That is where this post comes in handy! First of all, sign up for my free guide for the first 30 days of a deployment! This will help you figure out a game plan and encourage you as you get started down this deployment journey.

You can also take a look at my deployment posts. After going through 4 deployments myself, I have a lot of blog posts all about surviving deployments.

If you didn’t know this already, there is a great community of military spouse bloggers out there. We come from different branches, live in different places but we all have stories and tips to share with our readers. Our hope as milspouse bloggers is to help you and let you know you are not alone in your military journey.

Here are some great posts on deployment by some of my favorite military spouse bloggers:

5 Ways to Keep the Interest Alive When You Are Not Together Enough by Adventures of a Young Wife

7 Deployment Confessions from the Spouse Left Behind by 1200 Miles Away

surviving deployment

Dear Civilians: What Every Military Wife Wants You to Know by Singing Through the Rain

Solo Parenting: Alone But Not Alone by InDependent

Deployment ABCs: Advice for a First Deployment by Countdowns and Cupcakes

End of Deployment is the Worst by the Seasoned Spouse

My Husband Helped Me Through My Run by Wandering Malia

3 Ways Deployments Can Bring You Closer as a Couple by Spouse Buzz

surviving deployments

10 creative ways to help children cope with deployment by Military One Click

10 Relationship-Saving Tips to Use During Deployment by the Military Wife and Mom

The Very Real Truth About Experiencing Deployment for the First Time by Jo, My Gosh

Through the pre-deployment period to the long days of the deployment to the end and getting ready for homecoming, sharing our deployment stories can be a great way to connect and help others who are dealing with a deployment. Although each of our experiences can look a little different, knowing we are not the only ones to go through them is helpful.

We are not able to get through deployments because we are strong, we become strong through the deployments as we stand by the person we have committed to stand by through all life throws at us. 

To the Military Spouse on Valentine’s Day

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To the Military Spouse on Valentine’s Day!

The day is coming. You know the one. The holiday that you would just rather skip. You know your friends are getting flowers and chocolate. And a date night. You are getting more dirty diapers and possibly a Skype call from Iraq. But that might not even happen.

You try to tell yourself that you don’t care. That Valentine’s Day is just a “Hallmark” holiday made for dating couples and those who have time and energy to pull something together. But deep down, you are hurting. Your husband is deployed this year. He was in training last year and the year before? You were waiting to join him overseas at your new duty station.

Military Spouses on Valentine's Day

 

You know the military comes first, but does the military always have to take away Valentine’s Day? Probably. Most likely he will be gone the next year too. And even if he is home. Does that matter? Will you even do anything? The only babysitters you have are your friends who would probably like to go out with their own husbands too. Your family just lives too far away to help and your budget can’t afford the $30 or $40 it would take to hire a babysitter.

So military spouse, it’s okay. Being without your love on Valentine’s Day doesn’t make much sense but being a military spouse you know this is all apart of the lifestyle. So this year, you are not going to worry as much. You are going to buy your kids a heart shaped pizza and some candy hearts. You will let them show you their valentine’s cards from school and then put them to bed early. You are going to pour a glass of wine, eat your favorite type of food and binge watch a fun show you have been meaning to catch up on.

You got this. Even if your Valentine’s Day is different than you thought it would be after being married to the love of your life. You got this because someday your spouse will always be home for Valentine’s Day. You got this because you are not alone and so many other military spouses are not spending this day with their loved one either. You got this because you are strong and you can make it through!

 

How to Break Out of a Boring Military Spouse Routine

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How to Break Out of a Boring Military Spouse Routine

How to Break Out of a Boring Military Spouse Routine

Sometimes military life is pretty exciting! You are days away from a PCS to a great location. Your husband just got home from his deployment. You have great friends and are able to keep busy and life is great. Other times, you are going to feel like your life is just one big groundhog’s day. You do the same things over and over again. This is especially true during a deployment and even more so when you have small children who are not in school yet. The days just come and go and you can get a little bored doing the same things every single day.

So what can you do about that? How can you break out of your boring military spouse routine?

1. Visit a new club/meeting

Find a new club or regular meeting to go to. Have kids? Go to MOPS. Love to read? Go to that book club you heard about. There should be something you can go to where you could meet new people and enjoy yourself. See what your local Facebook pages have to offer. Look for events going on in your community. Get yourself out there and make plans to change what you do during the week.

2. Start going on a daily run or walk

Make plans to go on a daily walk or run. This will break up your day and will keep you healthier. If you don’t want to run or walk, go to the gym or for a swim. Working on your fitness is a great way to change things up. If you want to lose weight and do so, you could buy a few new items for your wardrobe. Donate your older clothes and start fresh.

3. Join a play group

If you have kids, join a play group. If you don’t like the one you are in, join a different one. Keep taking your kids if they are having fun. You will get to meet other moms and you will have something to keep you busy during the week. If you feel each day is just another chore of getting through the day with your kids, a play group can really help with getting out of that dull routine.

4. Apply for a job

If you are really bored with life, it could be time to find a new job. Update your resume and start looking. Figure out what you want to do and how many hours you would like to work. Even working a few hours a week can help with your mood. See what works for you and start applying. Having a job is also a great way to meet new people when you pcs. You can also look for volunteer opportunities in your local community.

5. Go back to school

Did you start a college program and wanted to go back? Maybe now is the time to do so. Look up online colleges as well as what your local colleges might offer. You can take one class or sign up for a full-time schedule. Look into scholarships for a military spouse as well as looking into using your spouse’s GI Bill. There are a lot of options for paying for school. If you don’t know what you want to study, that is okay, you can take some general ed classes until you are able to figure that out.

6. Go on a trip

Take a trip somewhere. Maybe you can just go camping for a weekend? Maybe you want to finally plan that Disneyworld trip? Figure out what you can do and make some plans. You might need to take time off work or plan to board the dog but make the trip happen. Taking yourself out of where you are can help break you out of a boring routine.

7. Visit home

Taking a trip home can be very refreshing. You can spend time with your family, go out with friends and just relax a bit away from your everyday life. Depending on where you live, your home might be a bit warmer than where you are stationed and getting a break from cold winter weather can be good for your soul. If you can’t visit home, see if someone can visit you and you can enjoy your time together as you show them your world.

No one needs to stay in a rut. If you feel like you are in one, there is a lot you can do to add more to your daily life. You should also keep in mind that deployments do not last forever, that duty stations do no last forever and that you can wake up every day ready to make some changes so that your life can be a little more like the way you want your life to be.

What do you do to get out of a boring military spouse routine?

10 TV Shows You Should Binge Watch During Deployment

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10 TV Shows You Should Binge Watch During Deployment10 TV Shows You Should Binge Watch During Deployment

During deployments or even during drill weekends I have found that binge-watching a television show can really make things a lot easier. I can get lost in the show, lost in the characters and that can take away those lonely nights missing my husband. Focusing on something else always works and watching a good tv show is a great way to do it.

With Netflix, Hulu and Amazon, binge watching couldn’t be easier. Back during our 2007 deployment I either had to get DVDs from the library or watch shows on YouTube, 10 minutes at a time. Not ideal I know. I much prefer Netflix these days.

So…if you want to get lost in a story, check out these binge-worthy television shows:

One Tree Hill

One Tree Hill is about a fictional town in North Carolina. It’s the story of two brothers, both raised in very different families and small town life. Basically, normal teenagers, trying to figure out life, love, and relationships. This show has 9 seasons and a lot of fans like to rewatch over and over again.

Gossip Girl

Gossip Girl takes place in New York City and is narrated by the “Gossip Girl.” Another show about teenagers but this time they are from the Upper East Side. They have money, a lot of money and all the problems that go with money. Gossip Girl has 6 seasons and will keep you guessing about who the “Gossip Girl” is the whole time.

Gilmore Girls

Gilmore Girls is a fun show about a mother and daughter living in a small town in Connecticut. This is a quirky show with a ton of fun supporting characters. There are 7 seasons and Netflix just came out with Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life that you must watch once you finish with the regular seasons.

The West Wing

I am a HUGE fan of The West Wing. This show is all about President Bartlet and his staff. They take on real issues and each character has their own situations they are going through. I have already watched this show twice and would love to start a third round. There are 7 seasons.

Vampire Diaries

Vampire Diaries is an exciting show about a town in Virginia, Mystic Falls with Vampires and other supernatural creatures. Elena is a regular old high school student who loses her parents in a car crash. Then she meets Stefen and Damon, vampire brothers. And everything changes. There are 8 seasons and a spin-off, the Originals.

Pretty Little Liars

Pretty Little Liars takes place in Rosewood, Pennsylvania. Four friends try to figure out what to do after their friend Alison is allegedly murdered. This show will keep you hooked because you just want to find out what is going on. There are 7 seasons of PLL.

Once Upon a Time

Once Upon a Time takes place in the fictional seaside town of Storybrooke, Maine. But who lives in this town? All your favorite fairytale characters, only they are under a spell and don’t remember where they came from. Emma, a bail bonds person comes to the town and learns she is the only one who can save it. This show has 6 seasons and is still going on with new characters added all the time.

Grey’s Anatomy

If you are looking for a mix of medicine and drama, Grey’s Anatomy is going to be your show. This show is on season 13 with more to come. Meredith Grey is the main character and as the show starts she is starting the residency program at Seattle Grace Hospital. You might think that it isn’t possible for one hospital to have this much drama but you don’t care because the show is keeping you entertained.

Doctor Who

If you love science fiction, time travel, British tv, you will probably like Doctor Who. I will fully admit this show is not for everyone but those that watch and fall in love with it can’t get enough. This show could be your deployment show as there are a ton of episodes to watch. You can go all the way back and watch some of the original show but I suggest starting with the newer episodes. There are 9 seasons of that, the 10th should start sometime in the near future.

The Office

The Office is such a great show to binge watch. This show is a Mockumentary about an office in Scranton, Pennsylvania. Some of these characters will drive you nuts, others will make you roll your eyes but you won’t be able to get enough of this silly show. There are 9 seasons to enjoy.

 

What shows do you love to watch during a deployment?