Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Milspouse

What You Can Do to Avoid Drama in Your Milspouse Life

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What You Can Do to Avoid Drama in Your Milspouse LifeWhat You Can Do to Avoid Drama in Your Milspouse Life

Drama. It’s everywhere, isn’t? You want to stay away but you can’t. You want to get out there and make friends, but you don’t want the drama that comes with that. The truth is, drama is everywhere, but you don’t have to let the frustration take over your experiences. You don’t have to make the drama the center of your world.

Here is what you can do to stay away from the drama beyond staying in your home with the doors locked. (Because sometimes that seems like the best plan.)

Walk away

It’s simple. If you see drama, walk away. You don’t have to be a part of the drama if it doesn’t concern you or something you are a part of. Sometimes when we get bored, drama sounds exciting, and we want to be a part of it, even if the situation isn’t our business. Just walk away.

Be choosy

When you are making friends, be choosy. If you meet someone and they seem to be all about the drama, keep your distance. You can still be nice to people and not get involved in their drama. You might have to work with people you don’t always get along with, that is life, but if you can set up boundaries for yourself, you will be better off. Keep in mind that most people who gossip about other people will probably turn around and do the same to you in the future.

What You Can Do to Avoid Drama in Your Milspouse Life

Be kind

If you can be kind to others, the kindness will spread. People are less likely to be rude and disrespectful when other people around them are being kind. This doesn’t mean you have to take it when other people are rude to you. You don’t have to put up with that, but you can also be kind in your responses to the way you handle those people. Being kind is a good trait to model for your kids as well. In their friendships and relationships with others.

Don’t engage

A lot of drama comes from engaging with others about the issue is. Pick your battles. Is it worth getting into a fight with the person down the street? Should you go after someone you met at the FRG meeting? When you have to live around other people, try to keep the peace. Of course, this isn’t always possible but check yourself before you engage someone else about their behavior and make sure letting go wouldn’t be the better thing to do.

Don’t be a rumor mill

Don’t spread rumors and make things worse, especially about other people. If someone tells you something in confidence, keep that to yourself. You don’t need to be sharing secrets if someone asked you not to. That is how you can break a friendship. If you hear something about someone you know, don’t assume the rumor is true. What you heard could have been made up by someone else.

Be the bigger person

At the end of the day, be the bigger person. Don’t go off on someone that annoyed you in a Facebook group. Let things go. You don’t even have to respond to their behavior. If you get involved in a situation with someone on your military community, try to be the bigger person. Seek advice from good friends on what you should do. Don’t feel like you have to get revenge on everyone who has wronged you. Hating other people will bring you down. So be the bigger person. That will make your life easier.

Talk things out

If you do run into a situation with someone else, talk things out. See if you can come to an understanding. Sometimes the drama is because two or more people don’t understand one another. And if you could talk things out, the situation can get cleared up, without a lot of drama.

At the end of the day, remember, you can’t make everyone like you, and you can’t please the whole world. You got to be you, and you also need to live in peace in your community. Yes, there is going to be drama, but you don’t have to be a part of that drama. Do what you can to stay away and live a better military spouse life.

Have you experienced milspouse drama? What did you do about it?

Finding Hope During Deployment

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Finding hope during deployment

Finding Hope During Deployment

Easter of 2007, I had two children, 2.5 years old and about four months. I decided to take them to church Easter Sunday. I couldn’t imagine missing that. I might miss church sometimes, but you don’t miss on Easter Sunday. I dressed us all in our beautiful Easter outfits and headed to the on post chapel.

As I sat there in my Easter best, holding my baby, tears started to come. My husband, the one who I had spent every Easter with for the last few years was in Iraq. He wasn’t there with us like he should have been. I remembered other Easters. One where he was home with us and we could spend the holiday together.

As I sat there, trying not to completely lose it, I decided to look to the future. Next year, he would be with us, right? Next year, when our kids were a year older, we would all go to church together, the four of us. We would make family memories together again.

The truth is, during the middle of your deployment day, you can get stuck in “deployment” thinking.

You start thinking that you will always feel that lonely, that you will always feel that sad, that your spouse will miss everything and that there is nothing you can do about it.

But if you can look past that, if you can remind yourself that this deployment, no matter how long the separation might be, is only temporary, you can gain the strength you need to press through.

During military life, there will be seasons when they are away and seasons when they are home.

There are years when Easter Sunday will be the loneliest of days and years when Easter Sunday will be filled with family fun. There will be weeks when you aren’t sure you can make it to the next day and weeks when you will feel like you are rocking military life.

If you are in the middle of a deployment, if you are feeling pretty hopeless about the whole thing, remember, this too shall pass. It will. Time will go by, days will go by, and one day you will wake up, put your cute dress on and head down to the gym or airfield to pick up your spouse. Time will go by, and you will be spending your weekends at Lowe’s, going on date nights and making memories together again.

There is hope during a deployment.

Hope that you will get through it. Hope that you will grow stronger during the months they are away. Hope that you can do this and you can, in fact, do it more than once, more than twice or however many times you need to get through a deployment.

There is hope that through the months apart, you and your spouse can grow stronger. That you can learn more about yourself and even each other. That you can find that inner strength that you didn’t even know you had.

There is hope that although you might be alone this Easter, they will be there the next Easter and maybe even the one after that. That someday you will look back on your “deployment years” as a struggle you were able to get through, even though it was some of the hardest years of your marriage. That one day, you will be able to take what you learned during the months apart and use that for the future, for your struggles and to help others.

So yes, there is hope during a deployment. Even if you can’t see it right away. Even if it takes you a while to understand it.

How do you find hope during a deployment?

Finding Your Military Spouse Tribe

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Finding Your Military Spouse TribeFinding Your Military Spouse Tribe

“Find friends,” they say. “You need friends to get through military life,” they say. You understand why they say this. Life IS better with the support of other people. The problem is, you have been at your duty station for six months now and are still struggling to find your people. You had people, but they all moved away. You are so busy with your kids that time with friends seems to never come.

You have never been one to make friends quickly. You are choosy and don’t trust a lot of people. You have been hurt in the past, and you just don’t want to give your heart to anyone. At the same time, you yearn for a circle. A circle of friends who get you and your life.

Finding Your Military Spouse Tribe

Friends who understand why you can never just turn off your phone, even during a meeting.
Friends who get how hard it can be to tell your child their Dad is not coming home at night.
Friends who know what saying goodbye to the love of your life is like and not just for a weekend business trip.
Friends who feel the pain of being 2,000 miles from your mom even though you need her at the moment.

These friends, you want them too. You see how close your spouse is to deploying and you know you want to find your people before that happens.

The truth is, sometimes friendships come easily. You met someone at swim lessons and the next day you are sitting in her backyard sharing memories about how you both were over in Germany. Her in 2002, you in 2010.

The truth is, sometimes they don’t come so quickly even though you are putting yourself out there, going to play groups and joining the FRG.

The best thing to do, the only thing to do is be a good friend, continue to put yourself out there and believe you will find your military sisters, even if it takes some time. Look at your local community, figure out what you can do each week to meet new people and have faith that your circle is out there.

Finding your tribe might take some time, but once you do, the benefits will be worth it.

14 Memes for Your Milspouse Life

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14 Memes for Your Milspouse Life

14 Memes for Your Milspouse Life

Whether you are getting ready for your 3rd PCS or just started your 1st deployment, milspouse life is unique and comes with its own challenges. Some days will be easier than others. Some years will be easier than others. Here are some milspouse memes to help you through…:)

milspouse memes

If you have ever been through a deployment before, you have probably been through these stages. #4 can be the hardest but #5 makes you feel like the strongest person in the world.

milspouse memes

One of the best feelings is to be reunited with a good friend! Good thing the military world is so small.

 

milspouse memes

Yes, yes it can 🙁 Just remember, deployments don’t last forever.

 

milspouse memes

Having your own battle buddy on the homefront will make any deployment a bit easier. You two know what missing your spouse is like and how hard solo parenting can be.

 

milspouse memes

Seriously! Deployments don’t go by too fast…they usually go at a snail’s pace. So never say that to someone about their deployment.

 

milspouse memes

Yep, they wouldn’t happen any other weekend…of course not. Gotta love the drill weekend.

 

milspouse memes

Would the military please make up its mind??? You just want to know where you will be living!

 

milspouse memes

Just keep at it, friends will come, even if it takes a while.

 

milspouse memes

Truth! Remember this! It will save you some heartache and frustration.

 

milspouse memes

Basically, be a good person 🙂

 

milspouse memes

If you need help, ask for you. Some couples need a little extra help to get through the time after a deployment.

 

milspouse memes

Yes. Never stop the love! Keep it flowing, even across the ocean. Say it as often as you can.

 

 

milspouse memes

Yes, be kind. You never know who just say goodbye to their husband. We might all be dealing with something.

 

milspouse memes

Each day down is another day closer. You got this! You really do!

What’s your favorite milspouse meme???

 

Debunking Myths About Deployment

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Debunking Myths About Deployment

Waiting for a deployment to start can be a bit scary. There is a lot of advice, and you might be feeling a little unsure about what a deployment will be like. Will the deployment be too hard for you? Will you struggle every day or be able to find a way to get through? Will you thrive or just simply survive?

There are some ideas about deployment that I just don’t think are true, at least not for me. Here are some myths about deployment and the truth behind them.

Debunking Myths About Deployment

 

Never countdown the days

I love counting down the days when my husband is gone. I love waking up in the morning and crossing a day off the calendar. It’s what gets me through. Not everyone likes countdowns, but they are a part of how I deal with deployments. If you like countdowns too, use them, just remember to never make them public on social media.

Keeping busy will be enough

Although the number one piece of advice during a deployment is to keep busy and doing so will help, keeping busy isn’t everything. Sometimes being too busy can make your flustered. You might need that downtime, just not too much of it. Filling up my calendar with a lot of activities but also leaving room for chill days is how I make things work during a deployment.

Going home will solve your problem

Going back home for a deployment can be a very good idea, especially if you have a supportive family. However, you are still going to have stressful deployment days. You will still really miss your spouse, and there could be other issues that come up if you are home. You could be the only one in your friend circle without a spouse around, you could feel too much pressure to see all the people you used to hang out with, you might not get along with your family as much as you thought you would. Really reflect on the decision to go home during a deployment and know that it could come with its own set of challenges too.

Deployments will get easier the more of them you do

If only we could get a degree in deployments. If only the more of them we go through, the easier they would become. The truth is, you will have hard deployments and more difficult deployments. The details of what is going on in your life during each deployment can be so different. One deployment you could be pregnant, the next you might have a two-year-old. Try to take what you learned from each deployment to help you through the next one.

You can’t have fun without them

There is this idea that you shouldn’t have any fun when your spouse is deployed. This isn’t true. While you will miss them when you are making plans, you need to be able to have fun without them, especially when you have kids. You have to be able to take them places, make memories together and enjoy your life, even when your spouse is deployed.

Shorter deployments will be easier

I once thought that the shorter the deployment, the easier the deployment would be. Not true. One of my hardest deployments was just six months long, one of our shorter deployments. Although I would always take a six-month deployment over a 15-month deployment, shorter doesn’t always mean easier.

Once they get home, all will be perfect

When your spouse is away, it is easy to focus on all the good things about your relationship and ignore any issues you were having or anything that needs to be worked out. Even if things were going well for you when they deployed, know that reintegration can come with struggles. As they come home and you get back to everyday life, you will have to get back to the daily challenges that come with raising a family, being married and having a spouse who just returned from a war zone. Getting excited about the homecoming is a good thing but always be aware that there could be a lot of work to do once the ceremony is over.

How PCSing Overseas Will Change You Forever

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How PCSing Overseas Will Change You Forever

How PCSing Overseas Will Change You Forever

We got on the train headed for our new home in Schweinfurt, Germany. I had never been to Europe before. I hadn’t even been to Canada. Only parts of Mexico back in high school. I was in another world, but one that looked similar to my own.

As we got on that train, filled with German businessmen and women, I realized something that stuck with me during our time overseas. That no matter where you live or where you grew up, people are people and just trying to do the best they can do each day.

Over the four years, we were in Germany, I learned so much about our world and even myself. Being over there wasn’t always a picnic, but I am so thankful that we spent the time we did overseas. I honestly believe that being stationed overseas will change you forever and that if you get the chance to go there, you should. Even if you are scared, even if you have never left home before in the past.

Going overseas will open your eyes

You will learn more, see more and do more than you ever would have if you had only stayed in your country. You will be challenged, and you will have some of your preconceived notions shaken out of you. You can’t help that as you see other cultures and realize that the world is a much bigger place than you ever thought it could be.

Going overseas will open you to travel

Traveling can be scary for some people. The PCS might be the first time you have been out of your comfort zone. Being overseas will help you get used to traveling. For one thing, you will have to make that long airplane flight across the ocean. For another, you will be more likely to travel and explore in your overseas location. You will take that traveling bug back home with you and will want to keep traveling as the years go by. There is so much to see in our world, and you will want to see as much of it as possible.

Going overseas will make you more compassionate

By spending time overseas, you will learn more about humanity and this will make you a more compassionate person. No longer will your own worldview be the only one you are exposed to. Military life will do this anyway but add in an overseas tour, and you will encounter even more people you would never have. This is a good thing. I believe that if more people could travel there would be a lot less hate in our world.

Going overseas will make you more creative

When you are overseas, you can’t help but notice the local customs of your host country. Some of them you will want to take home with you. You will also see how other countries do things and will want to work towards similar changes when you return home. Before you moved overseas, you might not have realized why other countries do the things they do or how they work out in real life. Now that you know, you can bring back some of those ideas into your communities back home.

Going overseas will make you appreciate home

You will miss a lot about the United States when you are overseas, and that can get difficult at times. Once you are back in the states, you will be able to enjoy what you missed again. Whether it is how close your family is or taking trips to your favorite landmarks, going overseas will help you appreciate where you come from.

Not everyone gets to experiences pcsing overseas when they are in the military so if you do, take advantage of your time over there. Learn what you can and bring that back home with you. A PCS overseas will change you forever, and that can be a magnificent thing.

Have you ever been stationed overseas? Where at?

So, Your Spouse Just Deployed? What Should You Do Now?

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So, Your Spouse Just Deployed? What Should You Do Now?

So, Your Spouse Just Deployed? What Should You Do Now?

The day has come and you had to say goodbye. Day one. Day one of who knows how many days. Day one of this deployment. Whether this is your first deployment or your last, you are going to need some support to get through all of these days. Whether they are gone for four months or fourteen, you are going to need to figure out a way to get through the time apart.

That is where this post comes in handy! First of all, sign up for my free guide for the first 30 days of a deployment! This will help you figure out a game plan and encourage you as you get started down this deployment journey.

You can also take a look at my deployment posts. After going through 4 deployments myself, I have a lot of blog posts all about surviving deployments.

If you didn’t know this already, there is a great community of military spouse bloggers out there. We come from different branches, live in different places but we all have stories and tips to share with our readers. Our hope as milspouse bloggers is to help you and let you know you are not alone in your military journey.

Here are some great posts on deployment by some of my favorite military spouse bloggers:

5 Ways to Keep the Interest Alive When You Are Not Together Enough by Adventures of a Young Wife

7 Deployment Confessions from the Spouse Left Behind by 1200 Miles Away

surviving deployment

Dear Civilians: What Every Military Wife Wants You to Know by Singing Through the Rain

Solo Parenting: Alone But Not Alone by InDependent

Deployment ABCs: Advice for a First Deployment by Countdowns and Cupcakes

End of Deployment is the Worst by the Seasoned Spouse

My Husband Helped Me Through My Run by Wandering Malia

3 Ways Deployments Can Bring You Closer as a Couple by Spouse Buzz

surviving deployments

10 creative ways to help children cope with deployment by Military One Click

10 Relationship-Saving Tips to Use During Deployment by the Military Wife and Mom

The Very Real Truth About Experiencing Deployment for the First Time by Jo, My Gosh

Through the pre-deployment period to the long days of the deployment to the end and getting ready for homecoming, sharing our deployment stories can be a great way to connect and help others who are dealing with a deployment. Although each of our experiences can look a little different, knowing we are not the only ones to go through them is helpful.

We are not able to get through deployments because we are strong, we become strong through the deployments as we stand by the person we have committed to stand by through all life throws at us. 

To the Military Spouse on Valentine’s Day

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To the Military Spouse on Valentine’s Day!

The day is coming. You know the one. The holiday that you would just rather skip. You know your friends are getting flowers and chocolate. And a date night. You are getting more dirty diapers and possibly a Skype call from Iraq. But that might not even happen.

You try to tell yourself that you don’t care. That Valentine’s Day is just a “Hallmark” holiday made for dating couples and those who have time and energy to pull something together. But deep down, you are hurting. Your husband is deployed this year. He was in training last year and the year before? You were waiting to join him overseas at your new duty station.

Military Spouses on Valentine's Day

 

You know the military comes first, but does the military always have to take away Valentine’s Day? Probably. Most likely he will be gone the next year too. And even if he is home. Does that matter? Will you even do anything? The only babysitters you have are your friends who would probably like to go out with their own husbands too. Your family just lives too far away to help and your budget can’t afford the $30 or $40 it would take to hire a babysitter.

So military spouse, it’s okay. Being without your love on Valentine’s Day doesn’t make much sense but being a military spouse you know this is all apart of the lifestyle. So this year, you are not going to worry as much. You are going to buy your kids a heart shaped pizza and some candy hearts. You will let them show you their valentine’s cards from school and then put them to bed early. You are going to pour a glass of wine, eat your favorite type of food and binge watch a fun show you have been meaning to catch up on.

You got this. Even if your Valentine’s Day is different than you thought it would be after being married to the love of your life. You got this because someday your spouse will always be home for Valentine’s Day. You got this because you are not alone and so many other military spouses are not spending this day with their loved one either. You got this because you are strong and you can make it through!