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The Ups and the Downs of Military Life

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The Ups and the Downs of Military Life

My military spouse life today looks completely different than it did back 15-16 years ago. For one thing, back then, my husband was active duty Army, and we were stationed in Germany. What was going on in the world, and Iraq and Afghanistan at the time were very different than what is going on today.

Technology was a bit different too. We didn’t have as much access to our service members when they were deployed, and it was harder to connect with them overseas.

I still experience the ups and downs of military life. The back and the forth. The good and the bad.

When your spouse first joins the military, or you marry a service member, military life can be a big shock to the system. For some things change a lot. You go from a civilian spouse coming home at 5 on the dot to a deployment. You can go from your parent’s house to your own house halfway around the world. Military life comes with a lot of changes.

But we spouses, we adapt, we have to.

We work to find community. We try to find people we can connect with. We don’t want to go through all of this alone.

We hit the speed bumps, which can really throw us off if we don’t see them coming. We know they might be ahead but we can lie to ourselves and pretend they won’t affect us. But then they do. And we can feel pretty sad about it all.

But then things change. Life changes. Things get easier, if only for a little while.

You might PCS to a new duty station, closer to home. A deployment might get canceled, or you meet someone you click with so well, that you know you will always have each other’s back.

When that happens, you start to feel like you can do it. You can rock whatever comes at you. And you know what? That’s such a wonderful feeling.

But it is okay if that feeling doesn’t last. Because sometimes this military life can be so hard.

I have learned over the years that I have to take care of myself, no matter what is coming my way. I have to find those times for self-care, even within the crazy. I have to find friends to be with and talk with. I have to balance my life so that I don’t become too overwhelmed.

And after all these years, I am still tweaking things. I am still figuring out what works best and how to get through time away from my husband or any other military struggle that comes up.

If you are new to military life, you may be feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything you have to deal with.

From TRICARE to PCSing, from the MWR to DEERS. There is so much to know.

The reality is you don’t have to know everything right now. You will learn over time and you will figure out how best to get through this life.

So many military spouses have come before you and will help you on your journey.

There are so many resources out there, from organizations like Blue Star Families offering different events to companies like MilSpouse Conversations offering places to connect and talk with each other. I also have blog posts on topics such as deployments, PCSing, and more.

If you are new to military life, know that there will be ups and downs in this lifestyle. Not every day will be good but not every day will be bad either. And those really bad days? You will figure out ways to get through them. To get to a better place.

What helps you get to a better place when you are feeling down?

If you are in the San Diego area, come to the Spill THEE Tea – Conversations with a milspouse panel sponsored by Blue Star Families on September 8th, 2022 from 6-8 pm PT. Sign up here.

My Experience as a Hispanic Military Spouse

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My Experience as a Hispanic Military Spouse

How I Learned English and Thrived

La Isla del Encanto. Have you heard of that place? It is a small island in the Caribbean. Puerto Rico is a paradise with captivating beauty and culture. The home where I spent the first 19 years of my life. During my teenage years, I often told my parents that I was never leaving my home, my community, or my country. Learning English at school was a struggle, and I was not interested in making an effort. I thought it was pointless. Ironically, after high school graduation, my boyfriend joined the U.S. Air Force; and you can probably guess what happened after that. I left my family, my home, and my country. 

Not even in my wildest dreams would I have thought of living on the other side of the world. But, you guess again, my new home was not in the United States but in Japan. Have you watched Men in Black II? In the final scene, Agent K calls Agent J a rookie and kicks a door open. Agent J is shocked to find out that the world as he knows it is just a part of something bigger. That is how I felt when I arrived in Okinawa, my husband’s first duty station. 

Soon enough, I regretted my past lack of effort in learning English. Speaking with others was not only challenging but nerve-wracking. It is accurate to say it was impossible. Keeping up with the speed at which people spoke was difficult. It did not help that I would try to translate everything from English to Spanish in my mind. I could not understand a word or form a sentence, for that matter. I was frustrated and lacked confidence. So what did I do? 

I enrolled in an online university to continue my education. My first class was English. This time, I was determined to learn; and I did, but it was challenging every day. I know completing my school work took longer just because of the language barrier. Countless tears, sleepless nights, and six years later, I earned my B.A. in Psychology from Penn State University. During those six years, I moved three times and had two children. It has been ten years since I became a military spouse, and I have learned many lessons. 

From mistakes I made to things I would do differently, this is my advice: 

● Prioritize wellness. Seek professional support sooner than later. 

● Choose approach over avoidance. 

● Do not isolate yourself. 

● Take your time but do it. 

● Everything takes practice. Take the first step. 

● Find resources! There are many now. 

● Ask for help; there are kind and caring people out there. 

● Get social and take advantage of social media platforms. 

● Stay connected to family and friends. It is still possible when you are far.

● Keep a balance.

● Do not compare yourself to others; follow your path.

● Believe in yourself. 

I wish you the best in this challenging and incredible journey!

Here are more resources that I have found useful:

Written by guest writer, Lourdes Gonzalez!

Why All Military Spouses Should Join the Military Spouse Advocacy Network (MSAN)

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Why All Military Spouses Should Join the Military Spouse Advocacy Network

I’ve been a military spouse for a little over a year now. Prior to becoming a milspouse, my husband and I dated long distance for years. This was great “training” for what life would be like together- but apart. I always joined the local FRG to access information, discover local meet-ups, and meet new people. I WISH I had known about the support offered by MSAN.

Flash forward to this year I decided upon a career change for many reasons, one of which was the uncertainties in life that come with being a milspouse. I discovered MSAN through LinkedIn and am taken back by the network of support that is offered. MSAN has connected me with so many other spouses who have pointed me in the right direction on the path to a new career. It is incredible how many phone calls, messages, and job postings have been shared with me through other members of MSAN.

I became a mentor with MSAN this past June. I am grateful to have the opportunity to give back to other spouses, the way many spouses have done for me. As a mentor, I help others navigate the ins and outs of TRICARE, DEERS, and other military-related services. MSAN mentors also offer a listening ear, for we are all in this together. One of my favorite parts of being a mentor at MSAN is my responsibility to post a new recipe every “Tasty Thursday” on our Mentorship HUB. Curious about MSAN? Shoot me a message! I would love to connect you with our resources. 

Nina Dahl is a Plant mom and pizza enthusiast on the search for the best slice in Florida. Loves her new job, her family, and going to the beach. Energized by CrossFit, helping others, and romance novels. You can contact Nina at ndahl@milspouseadvocacynetwork.org or find her on LinkedIn.

Where You Go, I Will Go: Lessons From a Military Spouse by Victoria Terrinoni 

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This post contains affiliate links!

Do you know what I love the most? Hearing military spouse stories! I feel like we can all learn from one another. We have been through so many similar situations, and we can relate to what we have all gone through.

We can learn so much from military spouses that have come before us. They all have wisdom to offer us and we can learn so much from their own experiences.

Where You Go, I Will Go: Lessons From a Military Spouse by Victoria Terrinoni is the story of a 31-year military spouse. Victoria talks about everything she experienced over the years, from all their moves to deployments, to her feelings about retirement and living in their post-military house.

Victoria sent me her book for review and I just loved everything she brought to the book. We get to hear her story and she also gives us little lessons based on what the chapter was about.

If you are new to military life and wonder what the years might bring, Victoria can give you a picture. Through her story, you can learn about what you might experience and how you can truly thrive during this life.

And if you are a more seasoned spouse, I am sure you will be able to relate to many of her stories and lessons learned over the years.

From Amazon:

Your significant other just announced they joined the military. After getting over the shock, you have questions, lots of questions.

What is it like living in the military?

What happens when my spouse deploys?

How do I handle moving all the time?

This honest and insightful book will give you an inside look at a military spouse’s life and help you navigate the system. Readers will learn the joys and pitfalls of being married to the military.

The writer dispels some myths about the military lifestyle and highlights the lessons learned along the way. This book will help you figure out what you can do to combat the loneliness you feel every time you move to a new place. How lost you feel trying to deal with a totally different system than anything else you’ve dealt with before. It also helps you learn to use military-speak, a language of its own.

Where You Go, I Will Go takes you on the author’s 31-year journey as a military spouse to show you are not alone in this. She also points out her biggest mistakes, so you don’t make them as well.

Where You Go, I Will Go gives you the basics you need to:

  • · See how a move is supposed to go and how they actually turn out.
  • · What to do to ease your child’s confusion with these life changes.
  • · Where to go for support, especially during a deployment.
  • · What do all those acronyms mean?

By reading this book, you will find lessons to help you throughout your military career while getting an insider’s view of the fun times and the hard times of military life.

What’s stopping you from learning the ropes from someone who has been there?

You can purchase your own copy on Kindle or in paperback on Amazon.

New in the SWCL Shop!

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The SWCL Shop was started in 2021, to bring my designs to the marketplace.

I have created a store on Zazzle to offer my designs and memes on magnets, stickers, prints, and more! Perfect for your military spouse life.

This post contains affiliate links!

Here is what you can find in the shop!

You Are Not Alone: Encouragement for the Heart of a Military Spouse by Jen McDonald

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You Are Not Alone: Encouragement for the Heart of a Military Spouse by Jen McDonald

Exciting news!

Jen McDonald’s book, You Are Not Alone: Encouragement for the Heart of a Military Spouse has an updated version!

Since its first publication in 2016, You Are Not Alone has resonated with military spouses, both new and experienced, and ranked as a bestseller in the Military Family and Christian Devotionals categories. Each of the 30 daily readings is written from the perspective of faith.

Readers will find practical tips (“Basic Training for Spouses”), related Scripture, and journal prompts for further reflection. Whether it’s a deployment, move, the challenges of military spouse life, or raising military kids, you’ll find real-life inspiration and hope from someone who’s been there. The 2022 edition has been updated and reformatted for a better reading and journaling experience, along with having a beautiful new cover design. It will be coming soon on audiobook, as well!

Jen McDonald sent me a free copy of the book for review, and I wanted to share a little bit about the book.

First of all, I love how the book is set up. There are 30 days of readings and each day starts with a quote. There is then a bit of a story section, and then actionable advice. This is followed by a scripture, and then some questions to ask yourself. The chapter ends with a prayer.

There are 7 parts:

  • My Identity as a Military Spouse
  • Military Spouse Friendships
  • Military Marriage
  • A Life of Transition: Moving With the Military
  • Dealing With Military Seperations and Deployments
  • Military Family Life
  • God is There in the Small Moments

She has also included some amazing resources in the back of the book.

I would have loved to have read this book as a new military spouse. Back then, I needed all the encouragement I could get. I still do sometimes today!

If you are interested, Jen is also hosting a book study, You Are Not Alone: Encouragement for the Heart of a Military Spouse in the Christian Military Spouses Facebook group that started Feb. 9, and anyone is welcome to join. She will be giving some behind-the-scenes insight and comments on each section as well as providing extra questions and journal prompts.

You Are Not Alone: Encouragement for the Heart of a Military Spouse by Jen McDonald is published by Little Things Press and is available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and other book outlets.

Whether you are a new military spouse, have been one for a while, or even getting ready for the retirement years, this book will encourage you, allow you to put things in perspective, and have a better military spouse life.

The SWCL Shop

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The SWCL Shop was started in 2021, to bring my designs to the marketplace.

I have created a store on Zazzle to offer my designs and memes on magnets, stickers, prints, and more! Perfect for your military spouse life.

This post contains affiliate links!

Here is what you can find in the shop!

Finding Your Place, In the Military Spouse World

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Finding Your Place, In the Military Spouse World

We have all been the newbie military spouse. The one who really didn’t know how to navigate this life. The one who had all the questions.

But as time goes on, as you go through a deployment or two, have a PCS under your belt, you realize you are no longer the newest military spouse on the block. You realize that you actually have the advice to offer and you are working to find out your place.

Now you are trying to figure out your place in the military spouse community.

How involved do you want to be in the military spouse community? What can you offer? How do you make sure you are not ignoring your own dreams during military life?

The truth is, finding your place in the military spouse world depends on so many things. From where you are first stationed to what you left behind when your service member joined or when you married them. It depends on the goals you have for yourself, and how involved the military is in your life as you try to achieve them. And this isn’t the same for everyone.

As a new military spouse, I arrived in Germany with an 18-month-old and got pregnant again right away. I was trying to navigate military life as a SAHM in a 3rd-floor stairwell apartment in Germany. My life was pretty much 100% little kids and military, without much room for anything else. The military was in charge of so much of my life.

Moving back to the US four years later, we finally had a little more space between us and the military. Choosing to live off post allowed us a little more space as well as simply being stationed in the U.S. versus overseas. It’s just a very different type of military experience.

Finding your place in the military spouse world is going to be so different depending on who you are and your own experiences.

There are different “roles” you might find yourself in. And you may or may not want to stay there. They might not be a good fit.

The truth is, finding your place in the military spouse world is all about what you feel comfortable with. Some military spouses want to be as involved as possible. They volunteer for the FRG or other on post events. They seem to know a lot about military life and can direct you if you have a question or tell you where you can go to get an answer.

Other military spouses take a back seat to the military world. They stay away from post as much as possible. They work, live, and spend their free time away from the military. They have more of a hands-off as much as possible approach.

And then, there is everyone in between. The reality is, there is no right answer on how to military spouse. You should be involved as much you want to be or as little as you want to be. And your spouse’s rank shouldn’t even be a factor.

We, military spouses, should never feel like we have to run an FRG meeting or set up a spouse’s group. We should do so because we have a desire to do so. We should do so because that is what we want to do, not because it is expected of us.

We, military spouses, have the right to focus solely on our careers. Solely on our children and homes. Or solely on both without worrying too much about the role of the military in our lives. Doing so isn’t for everyone.

We, military spouses, have to find our place, and we get to decide how involved we want to be.

We get to choose, and being able to choose leads to a healthier military spouse community.

I am so thankful for the military spouses who have stepped up. So many have come before us and have said, “no, this isn’t okay” and they work to change things. I am so thankful that the military spouse norm of the past isn’t the norm anymore. That we have so much more freedom than previous generations.

But, will the military itself catch up to modern times? What can change to make a better military life balance for everyone? Both spouse and service member?

Even though I live by a large Army installation, most of my interactions with other military spouses seem to be online these days. Maybe this is due to the pandemic, or maybe just the way modern life is. As modern military spouses, you can reach out to anyone from the comfort of your own homes.

The military community is online, with so many resources at our fingertips.

We no longer have to attend an in-person event in order to get that information we might need to thrive in our military spouse life. We can connect to other spouses, through Facebook groups, TikTok accounts, and Instagram.

We can share our stories and know they will be seen by military spouses worldwide. We can offer advice to a spouse in another branch, stationed somewhere we will never go. The world is truly changing.

Military spouses have always been about community, and there have always been roles for us within that community. But things are changing, and what worked 10-15 years ago, might not work today. Modern military spouses are able to focus more on their own goals and are not as held back because of the military.

Hopefully, no matter how long you have been a military spouse, you are able to figure out where you fit within the military spouse community. And hopefully, whatever your choose to do, no matter how involved you want to be, it is respected. By other spouses, by your service member, and the bigger military as a whole.

How did you find your place within the military spouse world?