Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

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Missing You, On Christmas

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Missing You, On Christmas

Another Christmas and yet you are gone, across the ocean, serving our country.

We knew this was a part of the deal, and yet, that doesn’t make it any easier. You are gone, away from us, and all we want for Christmas is you.

As the days get closer to the 25th, my heart feels a little less thrilled with the idea that we are so far away from one another. There is something about this holiday, more than any other, that you should be home for. And yet I know, the military doesn’t work like that. Life doesn’t work like that.

I know as a military spouse, just because I want them to be home doesn’t mean they will be. Just because I think they should be home, doesn’t mean they can be. I have to go with the flow, even if that flow hurts.

As I set up the Christmas tree, I can’t help but hold back a tear. I can’t help but think about the year before when you were here for all this. When you were right by my side as we decided on where each ornament should go.

As I set up the Christmas tree, I think about how hopefully you will be with us next year, and the year after, and the one after that. I hope and pray you never have to be over there during Christmas again. But how realistic is that type of prayer?

As I start to buy presents for our young children, I think about how you won’t be there to see them open them. To see the joy on their faces, and hear them laugh and get excited about Christmas morning.

I think about how I will make sure to record everything so that you don’t miss a thing, but you will anyway. That is just how it is. A million photos never make up for being there, no matter how many you take.

I think about how on Christmas Eve, it will just be me getting everything together. It will just be me putting the kids to bed in their cute Christmas PJs, and just me making sure the cookies and milk are out for Santa. It will just be me pouring some eggnog and watching a Christmas movie late into the night.

We will be missing you on Christmas.

As a military family, we have missed you so many times over the years. You have missed birthdays and anniversaries, and all the little things that make life special. And yet, I can’t help be feel like this is the road we have to be on. That you are a soldier, and I choose to follow you, even if it meant a Christmas away from you. Even if it meant missing you.

I think about how much you have given to this country. And how much more you will give. There will be more times apart, and more Christmases spent in different time zones.

But as I think about missing you on Christmas, I also think about how we can get through this, just like we have before.

You won’t be here for Christmas day, but we will be thinking of one another all the same. That is what we military families do. That is all we can really do when we are hit with missing each other so much.

Christmas won’t be the same, it can’t be, you are not here. But Christmas can still be special and we can still make some memories.

We are missing you on Christmas, as you are missing us. But we will get through this time apart. We always do and make it to the other side.

Feeling Strong as a MilSpouse, It Doesn’t Always Happen

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“We are military spouses, we are strong, we can do anything that comes our way!”

We hear this a lot. How strong we are. How we can get through anything. And while I know we can get through so much, it isn’t always as simple as that. Sometimes military life punches us right in the gut, and that isn’t the easiest to recover from. And the last thing we might be feeling at that time is strong.

The truth of the matter is we as military spouses want to feel strong. We want to believe we can take anything that comes our way, and for the most part we do. But, it is never that simple. 

There are so many different emotions during a deployment. From sadness to excitement, to feeling strong to feeling weak. And the truth is, there is no one right way to feel. Some days you might be on the verge of tears, others you are rocking around your living room because you just hit four months down.

Don’t put the pressure on yourself to always have to feel strong. Because you won’t always feel that way. Some days you will, some days you won’t. What you can do is work to remind yourself that you can do this, no matter how long they might be away. Here is how to do that.

  • Remember what you have already been through. For me, that can be a 15-month deployment or even a short one with two young boys, and a baby. I think about all the time I have been away from my husband and how I was able to grow through that. It helps me put this current situation into perspective. 
  • Change up your routine. Sometimes all we need is to change things up. Maybe this is you deciding that every Friday will now be pizza night. Maybe it is you deciding you need to cancel a few events during the week as the burnout is hitting you hard.

Don’t worry too much about feeling or not feeling strong. Figure out how to make it through the harder days, and you will find that inner strength. You have been through things that you can look back and say, “wow I did it and I can do it again.” 

In addition to this, you can also help other spouses find their strength. You can help one another out, and help each other get to the finish line. Because sometimes when we are feeling strong, others around us are not. And we can here there to help them, just like they help us when the time comes.

Yes, military spouses are strong. We pretty much have to be. But feeling strong isn’t always possible. And sometimes that can make us feel less then.

Just remember that this is normal. Military spouse life is really a mix of emotions, and you won’t always feel like you can conquer the world. And that really is okay. I promise.

How You Know You Are a Military Spouse

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How you know you are a military spouse

How You Know You Are a Military Spouse

Here is how you know you are a military spouse…

When you have no idea when you will see your spouse again, it could be May; it could be September, who knows?

When you have no idea what your spouse’s co-worker’s first names are.

how you know you are a military spouse

When you are up for any adventure, even though it scares you to death.

When you always have two IDs on you, military and your driver’s license.

When your driver’s license is not for the state you live in, and your license plate doesn’t match either.

How you know you are a military spouse

When a two-week training is a fun time to catch up on Call the Midwife and not a big deal compared to all the other times you have had to be apart.

When your grocery shopping plans are based on the 1st and the 15th and if you feel brave enough to go to the commissary on those days.

When you only write dates down in your planner in pencil, because you know they will always change.

When you laugh at the thought of going out to dinner with you friends and putting your phones away. That would never work in your military spouse circles.

how you know you are a military spouse

When you get excited to find out a friend from two duty stations ago is moving to your current installation.

When you can’t bring up the FRG without hearing about how wonderful it can be and how horrible it can be, by different people.

When the “sandbox” has nothing to do with the place your kids play when you are at the park.

When 21:00 or 14:30 is not confusing to you.

When you know that saying goodbye won’t ever get any easier.

When you have curtains that won’t fit on any of your windows, but you can’t get rid of them because you are moving next summer, and they could work in your new home.

When your future depends on one person signing a piece of paperwork in a timely manner.

how you know you are a military spouse

When you say, “see you later” even if you worry you might not see that person again. Saying, “goodbye” would be harder.

When you have given birth without your husband at least once or have ever had the worry that you might have to do so.

When you love wine, coffee, and diet Dr. Pepper, or at least two of the three.

When your life is very different than you ever thought it would be.

When you have been asked at least once if your life is like they show on Army Wives.

When none of your children have been born in the same state.

When none of your children have been born in the same country.

how you know you are a military spouse

When “war” means so much more than just what you read about in the history books.

When the thought of giving up Facebook makes you cringe since most of your family and friends do not live near you.

When you don’t know what it is like to live near your family.

When you know the difference between MWR, DEERS, and PCS.

When you are super thankful for any military discount a company is willing to give out.

When you realize you are a part of an incredible group of people, who also understand what it is like to miss someone so much, to give up so much, and to be the people who support those that have volunteered to serve our country and keep it safe.

What would you add to this list???

19 Memes that Explain What PCSing is Really Like

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19 Memes that Explain What PCSing is Really Like

19 Memes that Explain What PCSing is Really Like

Have you been through a PCS this year? PCS stands for “Permanent Change of Station” and happens when someone in the military has received orders for a new location. Pcsing is a process and one that can bring on a lot of stress.

There is always so much to do during a PCS. You have to prepare for the movers to come or start packing if you are going to do that part of the move yourself. You will have to get certain papers signed and filled out. Your service member will have to do certain things around your current duty station. You will have to find a new place to live, sometimes with getting to see what is there in person.

Then there is the emotional side to pcsing. Saying goodbye to your home, your friends and watching your children do the same. Pcsing can be difficult, for both you and your children. PCSing can also be a great thing, especially if you are excited about your new duty station.

Here are some memes that understand the experience…

pcsing

Sometimes it is hard to know what PCS really stands for. I think both of these could apply.

PCSING

You might not get a say with where you go next, but it can be fun to dream. If only the military could give us exactly what we wanted in a new duty station.

Pcsing

Military life means moving often. Although some military families buy houses, we did, not all feel like they should. They are waiting until after military life to find their forever home.

PCSing

Yes! You will have memories no matter where you go. You will treasure them. It doesn’t matter how many duty stations you end up at, you will always remember certain people and the fun you had at each location.

Pcsing

Yep! I have 3 kids and they were all born in different places. Life of a military family.

Hurry up and wait

PCSing means waiting on orders and other paperwork. Hurry up and wait. Get it all done and then have to wait longer than you think you should.

Military Children

Being in a military family means having to go to a lot of different schools. Sometimes that is a good thing, sometimes it isn’t.

pcsing

So many things on your PCS to-do list but saying goodbye to your friends is the hardest thing you will have to do.

Pcsing

If you are a military spouse for a longer period of time, you might have to pcsing with a toddler, or a teen. I am not sure what would be harder to do?

memes-92

I don’t like saying goodbye, I would rather say see you later…

PCSing

Seriously! Your PCS could be delayed because people went on vacation or had a sick day.

Pcsing

What have you been saving for a future home?

pcsing

Yes, we say we are not going to stress but then we do. Oh well!

Pcsing

The Army doesn’t have a lot of beach choices…sigh.

Military Life

I love that as a military spouse I have met so many people from all over the US and the World.

Pcsing

Yes, just remember that at the end of the PCS is a new home, new friends, and new memories to be made.

Military Life

The military will drive you nuts when you are waiting for something to happen. Whether it is a PCS or a deployment coming to an end.

Pcsing Overseas

Yep! You wait forever and then boom, things happen and they happen fast. The next thing you know you are on an airplane waving goodbye to your former home.

Pcsing

Home is where the military sends you. What does your list look like? This is ours 🙂

When You PCS and Have To Leave Your Job

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When You PCS and Have To Leave Your Job

This is a sponsored post for T-Mobile with Sofluential Media!

Things are going great for you. You love your job, your kids are in a good school, and life feels right where it needs to be. But then, your spouse comes home from work one day with the news, you guys are PCSing to the other side of the country. And you leave in four months.

You panic. You can’t help it. What will you do? What about your job? What about your career?

If you have ever been in this situation, you know how stressful it can be. When you work hard on your own career, a PCS can take all that away. But it doesn’t have to. Here are a few things you can do that can help:

Breathe and come up with a game plan

I know it isn’t easy to do, but don’t panic. Remember, you are not the only military spouse to deal with this. You also need a game plane. Figure out what jobs are available where you are moving and what you might want to do. Some spouses take a PCS as a time to change things up. They might decide to go back to school, or even change their career path. Create a list of steps you need to take to go from your job at your current duty station to a job at a new one. That will help keep you calm and allow you to see exactly what steps you need to take.

See if you can take your job with you

This won’t work for every job, but see if you can take your career with you. These days, more and more companies are allowing their employees to work from home. You want to see if this is even an option before you quit your job. Even if it hasn’t been done before, your employer might be up for giving you a chance to do so.

Keep your resume updated

Make sure your resume is updated and then you will be ready to apply for jobs when the time comes. If you have been at your job for a while, your resume could be vey out-of-date. Work on getting that sorted out and you will be more ready to start your job search in your new city.

Look for companies that support the military and military spouses

There are companies out there that go out of their way to support the military and military spouses when it comes to employment. T-Mobile is one of these companies. The fact of the matter is that Veterans and military spouses face significant challenges when it comes to employment. Overall, veteran unemployment rates now hover around the national average, but nearly 53% of the US military experience some period of unemployment within 15 months after leaving the military, according to the Department of Veterans Affairs. The military spouse unemployment rate is at least 4x the national average. This is of course due to having to move around, and not being able to grow their careers like their civilian counterparts are able to do.

Here is what T-Mobile does for the military community when it comes to career support and hiring veterans and military spouses.

●  T-Mobile knows that veterans and military spouses do make a significant contribution to their workforce, and so they are committed to hiring 10,000 veterans and their spouses by 2023.

●  T-Mobile also wants all veterans to be able to land their dream jobs after serving their country. That is why they have an ongoing partnership with FourBlock to help with the transition from military to civilian workforce – and even helped launch an online course so everyone can take advantage!

●   When a military spouse employee in one of T-Mobile’s retail stores has to move because of the military, they have a formal process in their to request a transfer to another retail store within 50 miles of their new location. They do their best to make it happen every time.

●  T-Mobile has an employee network group, the Veterans and Allies Network, that is specific to supporting and advocating for the military and their families. People can share stories across the company, and the network provides feedback on how to make T-Mobile the best place to work for veterans, military and their families.

If you are looking for a new company to work for, T-Mobile can be the right one. As a military spouse, you want to look for companies that do support the military and military spouses. As you can see, T-Mobile definitely fits that description.

Finding Meaningful Friendships In Military Spouse Life

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Finding Meaningful Friendships In Military Spouse Life

We all need people. People we can depend on, people we can connect with, and people we can have meaningful relationships with.

We might make a new friend, and find out they are moving in three months.

We might have the perfect group of friends, knowing we will PCS in just a few months.

We might be brand new to our duty station and feel overwhelmed with starting over yet another time.

Finding Meaningful Friendships In Military Spouse Life

The truth is, we need to find these meaningful friendships to help us through our military spouse lives.

Having a deployment buddy makes the time go by that much faster. Knowing you have people to invite over for a pizza night when he has 24-hour CQ, your three-year-old refuses to pee in the potty, and five-month-old starts waking up every two hours again.

Finding your people will get you through some of your hardest times as a military spouse. People you can depend on, people who get this life, and people you can help in return.

Finding those meaningful friendships isn’t always easy, and sometimes they can take longer than we want to find the right person, but here are some things to think about when it comes to finding meaningful friendships in military spouse life:

Finding Meaningful Friendships In Military Spouse Life

Open up about your struggles

This one is hard for me, so very hard, but when you can open up about your struggles, you can bond with others who have been through them too. Maybe it is a long deployment you didn’t think you could get through, maybe you had a miscarriage last year, maybe your marriage is struggling, and you simply don’t know what to do about it.

Opening up and sharing everything to everyone you meet is not a good idea, but if you feel like you can trust the person, opening up can be a way to connect and start the journey of becoming much closer friends.

A year is still enough time

Having five to ten years or more of in-person friendship is ideal, that isn’t our reality as military spouses who move every few years. What can happen is that you can meet someone, be around them for a year, and continue your friendship across the miles.

You can text, email, and video chat. You can plan to see each other and be intentional about connecting even though you are far away. Plus, you never know when the military might bring you guys back around to the same duty station in the future.

Stay in touch

If a friend moves away, make sure you take the time to reach out to them. Send a text asking how they are doing, comment on their photos on Facebook, or send an email asking them about the next stage of their life.

This can be difficult sometimes. Life does move on. People get involved at their new duty station. But that doesn’t mean that when you say goodbye to a friend, that has to be the last time you connect with them.

Finding Meaningful Friendships In Military Spouse Life

Be a listening ear

Be there for people. Offer up a listening ear. Be trustworthy so that you can connect with others. Being there for others will go a long way in helping you find those meaningful relationships that you are looking for.

Make sure you are getting out there

Are you getting out of the house looking for ways to make friends? Did you try once and then said forget it? Sometimes we try to make friends once, it doesn’t work out, and we don’t want to try again.

I would encourage you to keep going. At a military installation, people are always moving in, there are always new people to meet. It is normal to get discouraged when new friends aren’t happening as soon as you want them to, but you have to keep putting yourself out there.

If you are on the shy side or can’t seem to get yourself to go places, try online. There are probably a lot of different Facebook groups out there for your duty station. Some might be more general and others hobby or age specific.

Remember, so many of the other military spouses at your duty station are looking for meaningful friendships too. You are not alone in this. Try to get out there, meet others, and do what you can to find friends, no matter where you are stationed, or how long you will be there.

Where did you meet some of your best friends???

How You Can Become a Military Spouse Blogger

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How You Can Become a Military Spouse Blogger

* This post contains affiliate links! 

We were almost done with our 2nd deployment. It was getting colder in Germany, and I didn’t have that many things to do besides taking care of the kids and the house. For a while, I had wanted to become what I called a “public” blogger.

I had been blogging since 2004, but up until that time, my blog was just for friends and family. The blog was just little updates with pictures. I did most of that before Facebook started getting popular. When I realized I was posting everything I already posted on Facebook, I didn’t really blog that way anymore.

How You Can Become a Military Spouse Blogger

During that 2nd deployment, I decided to start my Military spouse blog.

I didn’t know what I was doing. I posted about homecoming outfits and the end of the deployments. I then found other Military spouse blogs and left comments. I went on Twitter and started to connect with others that way too.

Before I knew it, I had a little following. A few months later I was asked if I wanted to giveaway a book for Military Spouses. Things just progressed, and I eventually moved from Julie the Army Wife to Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life which has been my blogging home for over 10 years now.

I love blogging and love that there is such a wonderful Milspouse blogging community. We have all been through a lot of the same things, and we can help each other out.

How You Can Become a Military Spouse Blogger

So how does one become a Military Spouse Blogger?

Start a blog

This is obvious; you must start a blog to become a blogger. Some Milspouse bloggers write all about Military life. Others blog about everyday life or other topics that don’t have to do with being married to someone in the military. The choice is up to on what to blog about.

You can start a free blog on Blogger or WordPress. You can also go self-hosted which means you will have to pay a small hosting fee. You might also want a domain name. I have found if you wait for sales you can get them for $.99 for the first year.

I love my blog hosting service. David from New Blog Hosting is the best. I can always message him if I have any issues and he can help me fix what needs to be fixed. He is also very affordable.

Start writing

After you have set up your blog, you need to start writing. You don’t have to write every day, but if you want to get your name out there, you need to write often. This is especially important when you first start out. Make a schedule for yourself and try to stick to it.

If you are stuck on what to write about, get out a pad of paper and start writing down ideas. What topics are you interested in? What topics could you write about time and time again? What do you want to talk to your readers about?

How You Can Become a Military Spouse Blogger

Being active on social media

Set up Facebook , Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest accounts to go along with your blog. Having a Facebook page is a must. Just create one with the same name as your blog. To start, you can invite your friends to get going. Make sure the friends you invite would be interested in your blog to begin with.

The key to Facebook is making sure you are posting the right type of content. Post both your own links as well as others. Memes work well. One meme took me from 3,000 fans to 10,000 in a very short amount of time. Sharing other people’s stuff is also a way to help other bloggers and is a smart thing to do. Look for content that you know your ideal reader would be interested in.

Twitter is good for sharing links and connecting with people. Twitter will not bring as much traffic as Facebook will, but it can be a good place to establish your brand and connect with other bloggers and readers.

Instagram is great for photos and memes. Make sure to comment and like other’s posts and have fun with the platform. You can also use Instagram stories too.

Pinterest is a search engine and you want a mix of your content and others. You can join a Pinterest group board and schedule out pins with Tailwind.

Decide how much you are going to share

Since we are all military spouses, there are going to be OPSEC and PERSEC reasons not to overshare. Talk to your spouse about what they feel comfortable being out there on the internet. Some service members do not want any photos of them or even their names to be used. You should also decide if you are going to share where you live or talk about your children on your blog.

If you have your own Milspouse blog or just started one, leave your link in the comments. I would love to stop by 🙂

The Top Military Life Blog Posts of 2017 From Your Favorite Military Spouse Bloggers and Websites

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The Top Military Life Blog Posts of 2017 From Your Favorite Military Spouse Bloggers and Websites

The Top Military Life Blog Posts of 2017 From Your Favorite Military Spouse Bloggers and Websites

I discovered the military spouse blogging community back in 2009. I was on Twitter, and I started to connect with other military spouses on there. As a new blogger myself, this was a great way into the milspouse blogging community. We all understand what we were all going through.

Over the years, blogging has changed a bit. There is such a wonderful military spouse blogger community that is creating such fantastic content. There are military spouse blogs that focus on all different parts of military life. From deployments to pcsing, to hearing the stories of our military members.

As a military spouse myself, I know how much a blog post can help. Whether the topic is something you are going through, offering tips on the part of your life you don’t fully understand, or a post to simply make you laugh.

As we end 2017 and start a new year, here is a look back at 2017 with the top military life blog posts from your favorite military spouse bloggers and websites. Enjoy, grow, and learn something new 🙂

What Rebecca Thinks brings us, No Greater Love – A True Testament to the Bond of Soldiers. This post is about the documentary movie that came out in November.

Strength 4 Spouses talks about Why Military Spouses are Forced to Choose Between Work & Family and what she is doing in her own home.

NextGen Milspouse has a post called, Yes, I Married My Service Member for Tricare ‘Cause That Makes Sense. This post is a humorous look at reasons you became a military spouse.

Head on over to Military Dollar to read, Retiring On An Enlisted Military Pension. This post is all about how possible it would be to retire on an enlisted military pension.

PCSGrades answers the question, Can I follow my Service Member with Unaccompanied Orders? Something spouses want to know if their spouse gets those types of orders.

Singing Through The Rain has The Ultimate List of Military Spouse Bloggers, which would be the perfect place to find more blogs and websites to follow to help you through military life.

The Top Military Life Blog Posts of 2017 From Your Favorite Military Spouse Bloggers and Websites

My Veteran Woman Life has a post called, The Military Resume – Why Veterans Struggle with Landing a Job. This post is all about how to write that resume.

The House of Psych‘s post, Military Spouses & Holidays is about exactly that. What we have to deal with and go through during this time of year when our spouse serves in the military.

Airing My Laundry has a post, Things I Thought the “Big Voice” Said which is a humorous post about the things she thought the Public Address System on base was saying over the loudspeaker.

Marla Bautista from Hood Cents did a guest blog for me on the important topic of Stepping Outside of Your Comfort Zone.

Jennifer Lambert has a post on PCSing to Germany, to help anyone who will be doing so in the near future.

Military.com has a fun post, 25 GIFs That Perfectly Explain Military Life. This post will put a smile on your face.

The Top Military Life Blog Posts of 2017 From Your Favorite Military Spouse Bloggers and Websites

The website,  The Millie Journal has a great post on The Ebb and Flow of Military Friendships, something we can all relate to in our military lives.

Jo, My Gosh brings us a post with 99 Fun Questions to Ask Your Partner When You’re in a Long Distance Relationship. This can help you know what to say across the miles.

You can find the post, 15 Bible Verses for Military Spouses Facing Deployment or Separation at Jen McDonald’s blog. A post for those that need some encouragement through a common military spouse struggle.

On Military By Owner you can read the post, 22 Things Military Spouses Never Say During Deployment. All about things us military spouses do not think or say when our spouse is gone.

Her Money Moves brings us a post about Electronic Treasure Hunting which will help you learn about how to search your unclaimed property.  

Christ Walk has the post, 101 Reasons I am a Terrible Military Spouse, talking about true life as a military spouse.

13 Super Smart Marriage Tips For Military Couples Going Through A Deployment

At The Military Guide, you can find a post on How To Calculate A Reserve Retirement, which is a good answer to a question a lot of us with a spouse in the Guard or the Reserves have.

Judy Davis-The Direction Diva has a post, How Your Challenges Make You A Stronger Person. This post has a lot of good advice for all of us in our military journeys.

A Purpose Drive Wife blogged about the 5 ways to cope when deployment is overwhelming. A post with some smart tips for getting through the difficult days of a deployment.

On Balancing Grace, read Our Love Story – How I Met My Soldier, a post about finding love.

Visit The Daily Impressions to read a post on Mistakes You Will Make As A New Military Spouse. You know you can relate to at least some of these.

Find out about the 10 Moving Secrets to Help You Prepare for a Move on the blog, Airman to Mom to help you during your next PCS.

Visit Countdown & Cupcakes to read a post on Deployment Myths (And The True Story.) Not everything people assume is true when it comes to deployments.

The Top Military Life Blog Posts of 2017 From Your Favorite Military Spouse Bloggers and Websites
Servant Mama brings us a post, Encouragement for When You’re Tired of Military Life, something we have all been through at one time or another.

InDependent has a post, I’ll Take the Small Closet, about downsizing your closet and coming up with a move-proof capsule wardrobe.

As you start your new year, take some time to look through these popular military life posts to learn more about this life, your life, and to help put a smile on your face. And don’t forget to check out My Top Military Spouse Posts of 2017 too!