The SWCL Shop was started in 2021, to bring my designs to the marketplace.
I have created a store on Zazzle to offer my designs and memes on magnets, stickers, prints, and more! Perfect for your military spouse life.
This post contains affiliate links!
Here is what you can find in the shop!
We have all been the newbie military spouse. The one who really didn’t know how to navigate this life. The one who had all the questions.
But as time goes on, as you go through a deployment or two, have a PCS under your belt, you realize you are no longer the newest military spouse on the block. You realize that you actually have the advice to offer and you are working to find out your place.
How involved do you want to be in the military spouse community? What can you offer? How do you make sure you are not ignoring your own dreams during military life?
The truth is, finding your place in the military spouse world depends on so many things. From where you are first stationed to what you left behind when your service member joined or when you married them. It depends on the goals you have for yourself, and how involved the military is in your life as you try to achieve them. And this isn’t the same for everyone.
As a new military spouse, I arrived in Germany with an 18-month-old and got pregnant again right away. I was trying to navigate military life as a SAHM in a 3rd-floor stairwell apartment in Germany. My life was pretty much 100% little kids and military, without much room for anything else. The military was in charge of so much of my life.
Moving back to the US four years later, we finally had a little more space between us and the military. Choosing to live off post allowed us a little more space as well as simply being stationed in the U.S. versus overseas. It’s just a very different type of military experience.
There are different “roles” you might find yourself in. And you may or may not want to stay there. They might not be a good fit.
The truth is, finding your place in the military spouse world is all about what you feel comfortable with. Some military spouses want to be as involved as possible. They volunteer for the FRG or other on post events. They seem to know a lot about military life and can direct you if you have a question or tell you where you can go to get an answer.
Other military spouses take a back seat to the military world. They stay away from post as much as possible. They work, live, and spend their free time away from the military. They have more of a hands-off as much as possible approach.
And then, there is everyone in between. The reality is, there is no right answer on how to military spouse. You should be involved as much you want to be or as little as you want to be. And your spouse’s rank shouldn’t even be a factor.
We, military spouses, should never feel like we have to run an FRG meeting or set up a spouse’s group. We should do so because we have a desire to do so. We should do so because that is what we want to do, not because it is expected of us.
We, military spouses, have the right to focus solely on our careers. Solely on our children and homes. Or solely on both without worrying too much about the role of the military in our lives. Doing so isn’t for everyone.
We, military spouses, have to find our place, and we get to decide how involved we want to be.
I am so thankful for the military spouses who have stepped up. So many have come before us and have said, “no, this isn’t okay” and they work to change things. I am so thankful that the military spouse norm of the past isn’t the norm anymore. That we have so much more freedom than previous generations.
But, will the military itself catch up to modern times? What can change to make a better military life balance for everyone? Both spouse and service member?
Even though I live by a large Army installation, most of my interactions with other military spouses seem to be online these days. Maybe this is due to the pandemic, or maybe just the way modern life is. As modern military spouses, you can reach out to anyone from the comfort of your own homes.
We no longer have to attend an in-person event in order to get that information we might need to thrive in our military spouse life. We can connect to other spouses, through Facebook groups, TikTok accounts, and Instagram.
We can share our stories and know they will be seen by military spouses worldwide. We can offer advice to a spouse in another branch, stationed somewhere we will never go. The world is truly changing.
Military spouses have always been about community, and there have always been roles for us within that community. But things are changing, and what worked 10-15 years ago, might not work today. Modern military spouses are able to focus more on their own goals and are not as held back because of the military.
Hopefully, no matter how long you have been a military spouse, you are able to figure out where you fit within the military spouse community. And hopefully, whatever your choose to do, no matter how involved you want to be, it is respected. By other spouses, by your service member, and the bigger military as a whole.
How did you find your place within the military spouse world?
Another Christmas and yet you are gone, across the ocean, serving our country.
We knew this was a part of the deal, and yet, that doesn’t make it any easier. You are gone, away from us, and all we want for Christmas is you.
As the days get closer to the 25th, my heart feels a little less thrilled with the idea that we are so far away from one another. There is something about this holiday, more than any other, that you should be home for. And yet I know, the military doesn’t work like that. Life doesn’t work like that.
I know as a military spouse, just because I want them to be home doesn’t mean they will be. Just because I think they should be home, doesn’t mean they can be. I have to go with the flow, even if that flow hurts.
As I set up the Christmas tree, I can’t help but hold back a tear. I can’t help but think about the year before when you were here for all this. When you were right by my side as we decided on where each ornament should go.
As I set up the Christmas tree, I think about how hopefully you will be with us next year, and the year after, and the one after that. I hope and pray you never have to be over there during Christmas again. But how realistic is that type of prayer?
As I start to buy presents for our young children, I think about how you won’t be there to see them open them. To see the joy on their faces, and hear them laugh and get excited about Christmas morning.
I think about how I will make sure to record everything so that you don’t miss a thing, but you will anyway. That is just how it is. A million photos never make up for being there, no matter how many you take.
I think about how on Christmas Eve, it will just be me getting everything together. It will just be me putting the kids to bed in their cute Christmas PJs, and just me making sure the cookies and milk are out for Santa. It will just be me pouring some eggnog and watching a Christmas movie late into the night.
We will be missing you on Christmas.
As a military family, we have missed you so many times over the years. You have missed birthdays and anniversaries, and all the little things that make life special. And yet, I can’t help be feel like this is the road we have to be on. That you are a soldier, and I choose to follow you, even if it meant a Christmas away from you. Even if it meant missing you.
I think about how much you have given to this country. And how much more you will give. There will be more times apart, and more Christmases spent in different time zones.
But as I think about missing you on Christmas, I also think about how we can get through this, just like we have before.
You won’t be here for Christmas day, but we will be thinking of one another all the same. That is what we military families do. That is all we can really do when we are hit with missing each other so much.
Christmas won’t be the same, it can’t be, you are not here. But Christmas can still be special and we can still make some memories.
We are missing you on Christmas, as you are missing us. But we will get through this time apart. We always do and make it to the other side.
“We are military spouses, we are strong, we can do anything that comes our way!”
We hear this a lot. How strong we are. How we can get through anything. And while I know we can get through so much, it isn’t always as simple as that. Sometimes military life punches us right in the gut, and that isn’t the easiest to recover from. And the last thing we might be feeling at that time is strong.
The truth of the matter is we as military spouses want to feel strong. We want to believe we can take anything that comes our way, and for the most part we do. But, it is never that simple.
There are so many different emotions during a deployment. From sadness to excitement, to feeling strong to feeling weak. And the truth is, there is no one right way to feel. Some days you might be on the verge of tears, others you are rocking around your living room because you just hit four months down.
Don’t put the pressure on yourself to always have to feel strong. Because you won’t always feel that way. Some days you will, some days you won’t. What you can do is work to remind yourself that you can do this, no matter how long they might be away. Here is how to do that.
Don’t worry too much about feeling or not feeling strong. Figure out how to make it through the harder days, and you will find that inner strength. You have been through things that you can look back and say, “wow I did it and I can do it again.”
In addition to this, you can also help other spouses find their strength. You can help one another out, and help each other get to the finish line. Because sometimes when we are feeling strong, others around us are not. And we can here there to help them, just like they help us when the time comes.
Yes, military spouses are strong. We pretty much have to be. But feeling strong isn’t always possible. And sometimes that can make us feel less then.
Just remember that this is normal. Military spouse life is really a mix of emotions, and you won’t always feel like you can conquer the world. And that really is okay. I promise.
Here is how you know you are a military spouse…
When you have no idea when you will see your spouse again, it could be May; it could be September, who knows?
When you have no idea what your spouse’s co-worker’s first names are.
When you are up for any adventure, even though it scares you to death.
When you always have two IDs on you, military and your driver’s license.
When your driver’s license is not for the state you live in, and your license plate doesn’t match either.
When a two-week training is a fun time to catch up on Call the Midwife and not a big deal compared to all the other times you have had to be apart.
When your grocery shopping plans are based on the 1st and the 15th and if you feel brave enough to go to the commissary on those days.
When you only write dates down in your planner in pencil, because you know they will always change.
When you laugh at the thought of going out to dinner with you friends and putting your phones away. That would never work in your military spouse circles.
When you get excited to find out a friend from two duty stations ago is moving to your current installation.
When you can’t bring up the FRG without hearing about how wonderful it can be and how horrible it can be, by different people.
When the “sandbox” has nothing to do with the place your kids play when you are at the park.
When 21:00 or 14:30 is not confusing to you.
When you know that saying goodbye won’t ever get any easier.
When you have curtains that won’t fit on any of your windows, but you can’t get rid of them because you are moving next summer, and they could work in your new home.
When your future depends on one person signing a piece of paperwork in a timely manner.
When you say, “see you later” even if you worry you might not see that person again. Saying, “goodbye” would be harder.
When you have given birth without your husband at least once or have ever had the worry that you might have to do so.
When you love wine, coffee, and diet Dr. Pepper, or at least two of the three.
When your life is very different than you ever thought it would be.
When you have been asked at least once if your life is like they show on Army Wives.
When none of your children have been born in the same state.
When none of your children have been born in the same country.
When “war” means so much more than just what you read about in the history books.
When the thought of giving up Facebook makes you cringe since most of your family and friends do not live near you.
When you don’t know what it is like to live near your family.
When you know the difference between MWR, DEERS, and PCS.
When you are super thankful for any military discount a company is willing to give out.
When you realize you are a part of an incredible group of people, who also understand what it is like to miss someone so much, to give up so much, and to be the people who support those that have volunteered to serve our country and keep it safe.
Have you been through a PCS this year? PCS stands for “Permanent Change of Station” and happens when someone in the military has received orders for a new location. Pcsing is a process and one that can bring on a lot of stress.
There is always so much to do during a PCS. You have to prepare for the movers to come or start packing if you are going to do that part of the move yourself. You will have to get certain papers signed and filled out. Your service member will have to do certain things around your current duty station. You will have to find a new place to live, sometimes with getting to see what is there in person.
Then there is the emotional side to pcsing. Saying goodbye to your home, your friends and watching your children do the same. Pcsing can be difficult, for both you and your children. PCSing can also be a great thing, especially if you are excited about your new duty station.
Here are some memes that understand the experience…
Sometimes it is hard to know what PCS really stands for. I think both of these could apply.
You might not get a say with where you go next, but it can be fun to dream. If only the military could give us exactly what we wanted in a new duty station.
Military life means moving often. Although some military families buy houses, we did, not all feel like they should. They are waiting until after military life to find their forever home.
Yes! You will have memories no matter where you go. You will treasure them. It doesn’t matter how many duty stations you end up at, you will always remember certain people and the fun you had at each location.
Yep! I have 3 kids and they were all born in different places. Life of a military family.
PCSing means waiting on orders and other paperwork. Hurry up and wait. Get it all done and then have to wait longer than you think you should.
Being in a military family means having to go to a lot of different schools. Sometimes that is a good thing, sometimes it isn’t.
So many things on your PCS to-do list but saying goodbye to your friends is the hardest thing you will have to do.
If you are a military spouse for a longer period of time, you might have to pcsing with a toddler, or a teen. I am not sure what would be harder to do?
I don’t like saying goodbye, I would rather say see you later…
Seriously! Your PCS could be delayed because people went on vacation or had a sick day.
What have you been saving for a future home?
Yes, we say we are not going to stress but then we do. Oh well!
The Army doesn’t have a lot of beach choices…sigh.
I love that as a military spouse I have met so many people from all over the US and the World.
Yes, just remember that at the end of the PCS is a new home, new friends, and new memories to be made.
The military will drive you nuts when you are waiting for something to happen. Whether it is a PCS or a deployment coming to an end.
Yep! You wait forever and then boom, things happen and they happen fast. The next thing you know you are on an airplane waving goodbye to your former home.
This is a sponsored post for T-Mobile with Sofluential Media!
Things are going great for you. You love your job, your kids are in a good school, and life feels right where it needs to be. But then, your spouse comes home from work one day with the news, you guys are PCSing to the other side of the country. And you leave in four months.
You panic. You can’t help it. What will you do? What about your job? What about your career?
If you have ever been in this situation, you know how stressful it can be. When you work hard on your own career, a PCS can take all that away. But it doesn’t have to. Here are a few things you can do that can help:
Breathe and come up with a game plan
I know it isn’t easy to do, but don’t panic. Remember, you are not the only military spouse to deal with this. You also need a game plane. Figure out what jobs are available where you are moving and what you might want to do. Some spouses take a PCS as a time to change things up. They might decide to go back to school, or even change their career path. Create a list of steps you need to take to go from your job at your current duty station to a job at a new one. That will help keep you calm and allow you to see exactly what steps you need to take.
See if you can take your job with you
This won’t work for every job, but see if you can take your career with you. These days, more and more companies are allowing their employees to work from home. You want to see if this is even an option before you quit your job. Even if it hasn’t been done before, your employer might be up for giving you a chance to do so.
Keep your resume updated
Make sure your resume is updated and then you will be ready to apply for jobs when the time comes. If you have been at your job for a while, your resume could be vey out-of-date. Work on getting that sorted out and you will be more ready to start your job search in your new city.
Look for companies that support the military and military spouses
There are companies out there that go out of their way to support the military and military spouses when it comes to employment. T-Mobile is one of these companies. The fact of the matter is that Veterans and military spouses face significant challenges when it comes to employment. Overall, veteran unemployment rates now hover around the national average, but nearly 53% of the US military experience some period of unemployment within 15 months after leaving the military, according to the Department of Veterans Affairs. The military spouse unemployment rate is at least 4x the national average. This is of course due to having to move around, and not being able to grow their careers like their civilian counterparts are able to do.
Here is what T-Mobile does for the military community when it comes to career support and hiring veterans and military spouses.
● T-Mobile knows that veterans and military spouses do make a significant contribution to their workforce, and so they are committed to hiring 10,000 veterans and their spouses by 2023.
● T-Mobile also wants all veterans to be able to land their dream jobs after serving their country. That is why they have an ongoing partnership with FourBlock to help with the transition from military to civilian workforce – and even helped launch an online course so everyone can take advantage!
● When a military spouse employee in one of T-Mobile’s retail stores has to move because of the military, they have a formal process in their to request a transfer to another retail store within 50 miles of their new location. They do their best to make it happen every time.
● T-Mobile has an employee network group, the Veterans and Allies Network, that is specific to supporting and advocating for the military and their families. People can share stories across the company, and the network provides feedback on how to make T-Mobile the best place to work for veterans, military and their families.
If you are looking for a new company to work for, T-Mobile can be the right one. As a military spouse, you want to look for companies that do support the military and military spouses. As you can see, T-Mobile definitely fits that description.
We all need people. People we can depend on, people we can connect with, and people we can have meaningful relationships with.
We might make a new friend, and find out they are moving in three months.
We might have the perfect group of friends, knowing we will PCS in just a few months.
We might be brand new to our duty station and feel overwhelmed with starting over yet another time.
The truth is, we need to find these meaningful friendships to help us through our military spouse lives.
Having a deployment buddy makes the time go by that much faster. Knowing you have people to invite over for a pizza night when he has 24-hour CQ, your three-year-old refuses to pee in the potty, and five-month-old starts waking up every two hours again.
Finding your people will get you through some of your hardest times as a military spouse. People you can depend on, people who get this life, and people you can help in return.
Finding those meaningful friendships isn’t always easy, and sometimes they can take longer than we want to find the right person, but here are some things to think about when it comes to finding meaningful friendships in military spouse life:
Open up about your struggles
This one is hard for me, so very hard, but when you can open up about your struggles, you can bond with others who have been through them too. Maybe it is a long deployment you didn’t think you could get through, maybe you had a miscarriage last year, maybe your marriage is struggling, and you simply don’t know what to do about it.
Opening up and sharing everything to everyone you meet is not a good idea, but if you feel like you can trust the person, opening up can be a way to connect and start the journey of becoming much closer friends.
A year is still enough time
Having five to ten years or more of in-person friendship is ideal, that isn’t our reality as military spouses who move every few years. What can happen is that you can meet someone, be around them for a year, and continue your friendship across the miles.
You can text, email, and video chat. You can plan to see each other and be intentional about connecting even though you are far away. Plus, you never know when the military might bring you guys back around to the same duty station in the future.
Stay in touch
If a friend moves away, make sure you take the time to reach out to them. Send a text asking how they are doing, comment on their photos on Facebook, or send an email asking them about the next stage of their life.
This can be difficult sometimes. Life does move on. People get involved at their new duty station. But that doesn’t mean that when you say goodbye to a friend, that has to be the last time you connect with them.
Be a listening ear
Be there for people. Offer up a listening ear. Be trustworthy so that you can connect with others. Being there for others will go a long way in helping you find those meaningful relationships that you are looking for.
Make sure you are getting out there
Are you getting out of the house looking for ways to make friends? Did you try once and then said forget it? Sometimes we try to make friends once, it doesn’t work out, and we don’t want to try again.
I would encourage you to keep going. At a military installation, people are always moving in, there are always new people to meet. It is normal to get discouraged when new friends aren’t happening as soon as you want them to, but you have to keep putting yourself out there.
If you are on the shy side or can’t seem to get yourself to go places, try online. There are probably a lot of different Facebook groups out there for your duty station. Some might be more general and others hobby or age specific.
Remember, so many of the other military spouses at your duty station are looking for meaningful friendships too. You are not alone in this. Try to get out there, meet others, and do what you can to find friends, no matter where you are stationed, or how long you will be there.
Where did you meet some of your best friends???
