Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Julie

Why You Should Go to at Least One FRG Meeting

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Why You Should Go to at Least One FRG Meeting

What first comes to mind when you hear the word, “FRG meeting?” Does it make you cringe? Does hearing that give you warm memories of former duty stations? Do you wonder even how to find your FRG?

The FRG gets a bad rap, it really does. And not exactly without reason. Not all FRGs are good, and some of them are filled with drama. That being said, I always think it is a good idea to go to at least one FRG meeting at your new duty station, especially if your spouse is going to be deployed.

Why You Should Go to at Least One FRG Meeting

FRG stands for Family Readiness Group. You can normally find them within the Company and Battalion levels. While FRG is mainly an ARMY term, they might be called something else if you are in another branch.

Key Spouse Program, Family Readiness Program, the Ombudsman Program or the Work-Life Program accomplishes the same type of thing in other branches. They all offer support for the families of those who serve.

I have been in quite a few FRGs, and they can truly be amazing places to make friends, learn what is going on, and feel more connected to what your spouse is doing. Not every FRG experiences are good ones, and that is the main reason people stay away from them even if they have an active one. But, I do think they are worth checking out, at least to see how they are run and what they have going on.

So why should you go to at least one FRG Meeting? Here are some reasons:

To meet people

As military spouses, we are always looking for ways to make friends, especially if we are new to our duty station. The FRG can be a place to do so. These other spouses are married to someone that does the same type of thing your own spouse does.

These people are worth befriending or at least trying to befriend. They are in a very similar road that you are, and that is worth exploring. Even if you don’t find your best friend in the group, getting to know others that will be on the same deployment timeline that you will be is a good thing.

To understand what your spouse does

Knowing exactly what your spouse does can be a bit confusing, especially when they are deployed. Going to your FRG can help you understand more about their job and allow you to meet other more seasoned spouses than understand what being married to someone with that job is like. Sometimes you can feel a bit lost, even within the military world but finding other spouses who are in the know can be very helpful.

Why You Should Go to at Least One FRG Meeting

For connection when your service member is deployed

My best experiences with FRGs have been when my husband was deployed. From monthly Monday coffee dates to BBQs with the kids, to get-togethers, to making homecoming signs. These wives or other spouses are in this with you, no matter how long the deployment will be.

If your husband is going to deploy in the near future, having a good FRG connection is a smart idea. Towards the end of a deployment, an FRG meeting is going to be the place to go to get the best information. Information about when to send the last care package, how homecoming is going to go, and how to get through those last weeks apart. If nothing else, having other spouses to get through those last few weeks of a deployment with is a good idea.

To stay busy

You have all heard the advice that you need to stay busy during your deployment. The FRG is one way to do so. Many FRGs have regular events as well as the regular FRG meeting.

If your FRG doesn’t have anything going on, you could be the one to start something. FRGs can also spin off to create other groups such as book clubs, running clubs, and even regular playdates. While you don’t need an FRG to stay busy during a deployment, they can be one of the places you turn to when you are looking for ways to fill up your calendar.

Why You Should Go to at Least One FRG Meeting

To make your FRG a better place

Writing off your FRG is way too easy, committing to make the FRG better is a lot harder to do. Not all of us have the time or energy to help do this but if you do, consider stepping up and volunteering in your FRG. Not only will this be good for you but it will be good for all the spouses in the FRG. A good FRG takes people who want it to be so.

You don’t have to be the FRG leader, there are other roles that need to be filled. Talk to the people in your FRG to find out what they need help with. The more help the FRG has, the stronger the group can become.

Because one bad FRG experience shouldn’t turn you off forever

Maybe you had a horrible experience with your FRG at your previous duty station, but that doesn’t mean this FRG will be the same. You could end up with an amazing group and wouldn’t even know it if you don’t at least go to one meeting. You never know what the FRG is going to be like until you visit the FRG and find out for yourself.

Don’t let one bad experience turn you off forever. There might be drama, but you don’t have to be apart of that nonsense. Work together to keep the drama away from your FRG so everyone can have a better experience.

While an FRG might not be for everyone, they are worth checking out. Try to go into your first FRG meeting with an open mind; you might be surprised at what you find. A good FRG will help you and your family have a better experience during a deployment and at your duty station in general.

Do you go to your FRG meetings? Why or why not?

The Pros and Cons of Living On Post at Fort Campbell

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The Pros and Cons of Living on Post at Fort Campbell

Did you just find out you are going to be stationed at Fort Campbell? If so, the decision to live on post at Fort Campbell can be a difficult one to make. We went back and forth on living there ourselves when my husband was still active duty. In the end, we decided to buy a house in Clarksville and have been there ever since.

The Pros and Cons of Living On Post at Fort Campbell

I have had many friends who have lived on post at Fort Campbell and have loved it, I have had other friends who moved off because they didn’t. I decided to ask my Facebook group what they thought about living on post at Fort Campbell to come up with this list of pros and cons.

Stationed at Fort Campbell

Pros of living on post at Fort Campbell

  • Schools– Schools on post can be good and are easy to take your children too. While there are a lot of good schools off post in the area, there are some not so good ones too. Most housing areas at Fort Campbell have a school close by and easy to get to.
  • Community– If you are looking for community, you will definitely find that on post at Fort Campbell. There is always something going on and activities and events to get involved in. From kids sports to MOPS to playdates for your kids.
  • Starbucks– Fort Campbell is home to two Starbucks that just happen to be at parks with a splash pad. This is fantastic for the summer. Bring your kids to play and relax with your favorite drink. While you are welcome to these places even if you live off post, living on gives you better access and might just be a short walk from your doorstep.
  • Save on electricity– Living on post at Fort Campbell should save you money on electricity. Living off post can cost you $200-300 a month. While this isn’t always the case, it is something people complain about on local pages and something you can avoid by living on post.
  • Everything is close– The nice thing about Fort Campbell is that all you need is relatively close together. Most of the neighborhoods are not too far from the hospital, the Commissary, the PX, the Chapels, and being on post means you are close to your spouse’s workplace. You can get to any of those places without having to wait in line to get on post or through the traffic of Clarksville and Oak Grove which can be terrible at times.
  • Playgrounds– If you have small children, on post at Fort Campbell can be the ideal place to live. There are playgrounds everywhere. No matter where you have your home on post, you should be able to walk to at least one, if not two playgrounds or more. There are also two splash parks that are open during the summer.
  • Pre-K– Getting into free Pre-K off post can be a challenge. Doing it on post is a lot easier if that is important to you.
  • Fenced yards– There are a lot of fenced yards on post. Off, it really just depends. If you have a dog or children, a fenced yard is probably going to be important to you.

on post at Fort Campbell

Cons of living on post at Fort Campbell

  • Break-ins/Vandalism– Sadly, break-ins and vandalism happen on post just like they happen off. Some spouses do not want to live on post for this reason. They feel that they are more likely to have something stolen if they live there. Just being on post doesn’t mean you are completely safe from these things.
  • There are nice and safe housing options off post-In the Fort Campbell area, you have a lot of options for where to live. There are plenty of off post options to find a nice home in a safe neighborhood. A lot of these neighborhoods are closer to restaurants, stories and places you will probably want to go quite often. If you are worried about not being able to find a home in the area, spend some time looking to see what is in your price range.
  • Farther commute for spouses that work in Clarksville and Nashville– For military spouses that work in Clarksville or Nashville, living off post might be a better option. There are quite a few off post neighborhoods that are closer to the Interstate making it much easier for the spouse to get to work.
  • Can’t leave work behind– A lot of military families like to live off post so they can leave work behind when they are not at work. Clarksville makes this easy to do since things are more spaced out. You can live 15-20 minutes from post or even further and have a more off post experience. Living on post you will be right in the middle of everything, and some people do not want that.
  • Pocket BAH off post– Some families can pocket BAH by living off post. If you receive $1000 a month for BAH and your rent is only $650, that is some extra money in your pocket every month. This doesn’t work for everyone as families who are looking for a bigger home will have to pay more, and that could end up being over the BAH amount.
  • Housing can be difficult to deal with– Quite a few spouses mentioned that dealing with on-post housing was a big headache. That the people they talked with were rude and they had trouble getting things done. While you can still encounter this with a rental agency, dealing with housing can be a big con for some people.

On post at Fort Campbell

As you can see, there is a lot to think about when you are trying to decide to live on post at Fort Campbell. What works for one family might not work for another. There are definitely pros and cons to either choice.

If you are trying to decide what you want to do, take some time to check out the local area. If you can’t visit ahead of time, try to find photos and listings online. You can always start on post and move off or the other way around if things change.

What about you? Have you ever lived at Fort Campbell? Where did you live when you did?

To the Military Spouse Whose Child Has Just Been Diagnosed With Autism

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To the Military Spouse Whose Child Has Just Been Diagnosed With Autism

In January of 2012, after a few months of testing, our middle son was diagnosed with Autism. At the time he was given the diagnosis of Asperger’s which they have since stopped doing. If he were diagnosed today, he would have gotten the “high-functioning Autism” diagnosis.

To the Military Spouse Whose Child Has Just Been Diagnosed With AutismThat day we found out what was going on with our son, and how we could help him. My biggest fear when we started the testing and doctor’s appointments was that they would come back and say they couldn’t see anything was wrong. Why? Because I knew something clearly was and I knew getting that diagnosis would help us understand how we could help our son.

At that time in our lives, we were not a stranger to special needs kids.

Our oldest son had been diagnosed with a developmental delay when he was three. We knew about speech and OT and special needs preschool. We were also pretty confident that our son would grow out of his delay, which he has. Autism is a different story.

You don’t grow out of Autism. Autism is something you have for your entire life. But that doesn’t mean that a person diagnosed with Autism can’t learn and grow as a person either. It simply means that Autism will be something they work through for the rest of their lives.

To the Military Spouse Whose Child Has Just Been Diagnosed With Autism

We started ABA with our son right away, and that helped us be able to navigate through our son’s behaviors, set him up for school, and allowed us to get that extra help and support we needed to figure out this new normal for our lives.

Right now our son is 11 and will be starting middle school next fall. This completely freaks me out. I am not sure how things are going to go. We have an excellent team at the elementary school, many of them have worked with our son since he was five years old and started kindergarten. We already have a meeting scheduled at the middle school this spring, and I just have to have faith that everything will work out for him.

As I look back on the last six years or so, I can’t help but think about all we have been through.

And while we were working with our son, figuring out what is best for him, working with ABA and the schools, we were living this crazy military life too. My husband deployed again in 2013, and I think part of the reason that deployed shook me so much was that I knew I would be the solo parent carrying for my son, as well as his brothers. At the time, he was struggling a lot with school, and it was hard enough when my husband was home. This is just one of the many challenges a military spouse is going to have when they have a spouse in the military.

So, to the military spouse whose child has just been diagnosed with autism, I know how scared you might be. For months, maybe even years you may have been wondering what is going on with your son or daughter. You may have had to fight for your doctor to even take you seriously. You might feel lost not knowing how to truly help your child.

To the Military Spouse Whose Child Has Just Been Diagnosed With Autism

And once you receive that diagnosis, you might be worried about how things are going to go in the future.

Everything you thought about parenting a child has been turned on its head. You thought you were getting on a plane to “Italy” and now you are in “Holland” and not sure how to make everything work. This is normal.

Don’t beat yourself up if it takes you or your spouse some time to fully accept the diagnosis. No one walks out of that doctor’s appointment knowing exactly what to do or what the diagnosis even means. That takes some time.

Before your child was diagnosed with autism, you might not have ever heard of the term EFMP (The Exceptional Family Member Program,) but now, that term is going to be a big part of your life when your spouse is in the military. EFMP is the program that is supposed to help your child get the services they need during your time in the military.

EFMP will make sure that you don’t get stationed somewhere without services for children with Autism.

While this can be a bit frustrating at times, especially when it comes to your spouse’s career in the military, EFMP is something you need to keep updated. Any military family who gets orders for an OCONUS location will also have to go through the EFMP screening too.

As you start to become more comfortable with Autism, you will start to notice something. One child with Autism is one child with Autism. It is called the Autism spectrum for a reason. Not everyone with that diagnosis is the same.

While there are traits that kids on the spectrum share, each kid on the spectrum can be different. My son had no issues with speech. While his older brother struggled, that wasn’t one of the things I worried about with him when he was a toddler and young preschooler.

To the Military Spouse Whose Child Has Just Been Diagnosed With Autism

As you tell people about the diagnosis, you might get some interesting responses.

From people who are trying to help to people who are very uneducated about what having a child on the spectrum means. At some point, you might start to feel like everyone has an opinion about what you should do for your child. But here is the thing, you are the parent, you are the one that decides.

You are the one that has to make the choices. You are the one that lives with your son or daughter and any choice you have to make. So don’t be afraid to ignore lousy advice or to tell people you are doing what you think is best even though it is different from what they would do if they were in your shoes.

Find supportive friends and spend more time with them.

Over the years we have had friends that have opened my son and our family into their lives and understand that he struggles with certain things other kids don’t. During deployments, these friends were even more important. I didn’t have another parent in the house to help; their kindness helped me through those times when I didn’t think I could do it anymore.

As a military spouse, you know that sometimes your service member will have to deploy or be away from you for weeks or months at a time. A diagnosis of Autism isn’t going to keep them home. I know how hard this can be and how overwhelmed you can feel.

To the Military Spouse Whose Child Has Just Been Diagnosed With Autism

Look for help. Look for respite. Find good child care providers that can help you.

Go to a church that gets it and wants to help instead of one that simply wants to shame your child. Reach out to family members who may be willing to stay with you for a while. Know that reaching out for extra help isn’t a weakness and will be your best bet in getting through all of this.

Know that you are not the only one with a special needs child in the military. There are so many of us out there, and we all want the same thing. We want to help our children, we want the best for them, and we want to figure out how to do all of that within the military system.

Here are some additional resources to help you as you navigate autism within your military world as well as a few military spouse bloggers that also have kids on the Autism spectrum:

Military Special Needs Network

Singing Through the Rain: Military Life & Special Needs

EFMP + Special Needs with the National Military Spouse Family Association

American Military Families Autism Support

Life Journey Through Autism: A Guide for Military Families

Military One Source 

Airing My Laundry

Autism Speaks

Advocating for ABA TRICARE Policy Change

Why Autism Awareness Matters

MilKids Education Consulting 

Do you have a child with autism too?

The Big List of Facebook Groups For Military Spouses You Should Absolutely Join

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The Big List of Facebook Groups For Military Spouses You Should Absolutely Join

Did you know there are quite a few Facebook groups for military spouses that are free for you to join and gain support from? As a military spouse, finding good support is so important. Whether you want a place to vent about a difficult deployment day, get advice on how best to stretch your paycheck, or to find people to help you achieve your goals.

The Big List of Facebook Groups For Military Spouses You Should Absolutely Join

Facebook has been the place to go to find this type of support. On Facebook, you can find your friends, make new friends, connect with others, and join Facebook groups based on a wide range of topics.

Finding a good Facebook group will give you a place to connect with others you have something in common with. You can get to know people in the group and help encourage one another. As military spouses, you know how important this can be.

Here is a big list of Facebook Groups For Military Spouses:

The Jo, My Gosh! Community– This is a drama free group for fans of the blog, Jo, My Gosh, where you can find military spouse support.

The Inspired Women Community-This is a positive community, founded by Megan Hall, host of The Inspired Women Podcast.

Mil-Blogging Buddies– Run by Kristen Smith, this is a group for bloggers in the military community, to gain support and share ideas. If you are a military spouse blogger, you should be in this Facebook group for tips and support.

Blog Your Genius Community– This community is also run by Kristen Smith and can offer you extra advice about your blog and what you could be doing to grow it.

MilSpouse Village– A brand new community for Military spouses and significant others, trying to make military life work together.

MilitaryBridge– This group is connected with MilitaryBridge that helps connect the military community to the best local, national and online Military Discounts, Military-Friendly Businesses, Reviews, and Resources.

Military Spouse Living-This group is through the site, Military Spouse Living, to ask questions, share deals, and more.

NGMS Happy Hour– This is a group connected to the NextGen MilSpouse Happy Hour Podcast, apart of the NextGen website.

The Big List of Facebook Groups For Military Spouses You Should Absolutely Join

Military Family Support Group– This group is run by Stars and Stripes Doulas, helping military families through pregnancy and beyond.

InDependent– InDependent has a mission to help connect military spouses to local health and wellness resources. They have some local Facebook groups in different areas for you to join.

Army Wife 101– Army Wife 101 has a Facebook group too, as well as a local group for those at Fort Bragg.

The Work from Anywhere Business™ Club– Run by Kayla Roof, this facebook group is perfect for military spouses who want to a run a business from anywhere.

MilSpouse Creative ™– This Facebook group is for MilSpouse Creative Entrepreneurs, hosted by Moni Jefferson.

The Financially Ready Military Spouse– This is another new Facebook group for military spouses connected to the site, Her Money Moves.

PCSing with Property Mommies– This Facebook group is all about PCSing. They also have a Military Relator Referral group.

The Big List of Facebook Groups For Military Spouses You Should Absolutely Join

Life Support & Encouragement– This group is run by the blog, Singing Through the Rain and offers you extra support for life’s challenges.

Military Moves Us – PCS to DC– If you are moving to the DC area, this group is going to be perfect for you.

Freedom’s Ring USA FRiends-This group is connected to Freedom’s Ring USA in hopes of connecting people around the world to help with their shared mission.

Military Housing Network– The Military Housing Network has a few local groups to choose from to help make friends and find connections.

The Military Dollar Community– This group is connected to Military Dollar to talk about personal finance.

The Seasoned Spouse– The Seasoned Spouse has a free Facebook group all about preparing for a deployment, you will just need to sign up on her site.

SpaceATheWorld– If you are interested in using Space-A, here is a Facebook group all about that. Get tips and help others plan their own trips.

The Big List of Facebook Groups For Military Spouses You Should Absolutely Join

Mighty Parenting– This is another brand new group based on the new Mighty Parenting podcast. Real talk about raising teens and parenting young adults.

Military Town Advisor-This is a group for the website, Military Town Advisor, and for military families looking for off-post advice.

MilKids Ed K-12 Parent Support Group– If you have school-aged kids, you will want to join this group. This group is connected to the MilKids Ed website.

She Is Fierce Community– This group is connected to the She Is Fierce blog, and offers community support.

Military Families Saving Money– This group about saving money is connected to the Foxtrot & Pennies blog and is for military spouses to help save money and use the resources they have access to in order to do so.

Military Wife and Mom – Community Hangout– This group is connected to the Military Wife and Mom and offers support for military spouses.

Career Military Spouses-This group is a safe place for military spouses to gain career advice, ask questions or share about what they have learned through their own career journey.

Military Spouse Networking– This group is for active duty, veteran, widowed, divorced, reserve, and National Guard spouses and partners to network and share about jobs and what they are doing in the community.

From Boots to Wingtips– This group is to help you navigate from the military back to the civilian world.

Marketing/Social Media Tips for Military-Focused Businesses & Entrepreneurs- Jenny Hale’s group is for military spouse and veteran entrepreneurs with military-themed businesses where they chat all things marketing and social media.

Military Travelers in Japan– This group is for members of the U.S. military community (active duty, retirees, and spouses) who are interested in traveling to Japan. From the Poppin’ Smoke blog.

In addition to these amazing group, you should make sure to join my own Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life Community group. In there you can talk about your military life, encourage others, ask questions, and enjoy my blog posts. I also have a few spin-off groups that might interest you too. Surviving Deployment with Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life, SWCL Share Your Business, Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life Military Spouse Memes, and SWCL Community Bloggers & Writers.

Do you have a Facebook group for military spouses? Are you in one you absolutely adore? Let me know what it is and if it is a good fit I can add it to the list:) 

The Military Spouse’s Guide to Making Friends in a Social Media World

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The Military Spouse’s Guide to Making Friends in a Social Media World

Making friends in a social media world should make things easier, right? I mean, we can talk to anyone at any time. If we wanted to find a friend who loves Doctor Who and lives in Kentucky, it would take us a couple of minutes to find a place to look for someone who fits that description. There are groups, communities, and pages for almost any type of topic.

So why is it still so hard to make friends? Why do we feel so alone when moving to our next duty station? Why is there so much drama when it comes to the military spouse community?

The Military Spouse's Guide to Making Friends in a Social Media World

Social media can be such a blessing for us military spouses. Social media allows us to talk to others at our future duty stations, stay connected to friends who have moved far away, and share photos and our lives with our family and friends back at home.

However, social media can also cause us to stay in our homes when we should be pushing ourselves for more in-person connections. Social media can also make us feel less than, as we tend to compare our full stories to everyone else’s highlight reel. Bullying is a lot easier to do online, as people can hide behind their phones and their computers.

So what is a military spouse to do when trying to find connections in this life?

Here are some ideas:

Use social media to help you find in-person events

Make sure of social media to find in-person events at your duty station. You can look for one time events such as a 5K, an MWR event, or something going on at the local library. You can also look for meetings and clubs that happen a couple times a month, or even weekly. Look for your local MOPS group, a book club, a running club, or a playgroup. In some cases, you can join a Facebook group, introduce yourself, and ask questions before you attend your first meeting.

Reach out but with caution

Don’t be afraid to reach out to people you meet in your local group or in person. But also, make sure to use caution. Not everyone is who they appear to be online. If you meet up with someone you met online, make sure to always do so in a public place and tell someone where you are going. You also don’t have to become friends with everyone you meet. Some people are better acquaintances while others will turn into best friends.

Don’t be afraid to start something new

If you can’t find the right group at your duty station, think about starting your own. There are probably other spouses in your area who are into what you are into too. Make a plan, post about it in your local Facebook group, and don’t be afraid to try more than once if the plan doesn’t work out at first. Sometimes new groups take a while to grow, but they can be the right answer when you are looking for friends you have something in common with.

Stay away from the drama, as much as you can

While you can’t stay away from drama 100%, you can make sure you are not looking for it or adding to it. Calling people names, bullying them online, and not showing kindness most of the time will cause you to be involved in more drama that you should be. Your life doesn’t have to involve that much drama, it really doesn’t.

Be real with your social media posts

Sometimes I wish we could all agree to be more real in our social media posts. Sometimes we only share things when life is going well. We only talk about when we moved into a big beautiful house, not how hard it was to save for the downpayment. We talk about how much we love our husband, but we don’t talk about how hard marriage can sometimes be. We talk about the homecoming and don’t mention that we too had too many nights when they were gone when we just didn’t think we could make it another day.

Don’t share everything

As much as being real on social media is a good idea, we also should make sure we are not oversharing everything. We can share that we are struggling without every single detail. And some conversations are better for private messages or in person get-togethers.

If we use social media to bash other people, that will make others be wary of befriending us. We don’t want to end up being a future post on your timeline. This also applies to Facebook groups as none of them are going to be as private as you think they are.

Don’t give up

Whatever you do, don’t give up on finding friends. Don’t just shut yourself up in your house with the excuse that everyone around you sucks. I don’t think that is true; you just haven’t found your people yet. If your friends have all just moved away, you might also feel like it would be too hard to try again, but if you do, you will find there are new friendships to make, and new people to meet.

Always remember OPSEC and PERSEC

Whenever you are on social media, make sure you are always thinking about OPSEC and PERSEC. You don’t want to share information that could be used by the enemy. You don’t want to share specific dates and locations or too much info about your service member. Always lean on the side of not sharing if you are not sure as that will never get you in trouble.

Finding friendships with other military spouses is a must. They can help you through the more difficult of times and allow you to have a much better experience at your duty station. Finding new friends isn’t always eat, but doing so is worth putting in the effort to find them, whether you do so on or offline.

Where do you like to find friends at your duty station?

 

Why You Should Be Tipping the Commissary Baggers

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Why You Should Be Tipping the Commissary Baggers

There is something special about the Commissary. This is the place you can go on your duty station to buy groceries. In a lot of places, you will save money by doing so, although that isn’t always the case and isn’t the case for every item in the store. Some Commissaries are pretty big, and some are pretty small, depending on your duty station.

Why You Should Be Tipping the Commissary Baggers

The Commissary is one of the many military benefits your service member receives when they start serving their country. This started back in 1825 when Army officers could make purchases. In 1841, they could start buying for their immediate families too. In 1867, enlisted service members could start buying at the Commissary.

The first overseas Commissary opened in 1899/1900 in the Philippines and China. While just the Army had Commissaries at first, the Navy and the Marines Corp opened their first stores in 1909/10 and the Air Force in 1947/48. These days, all service members, including the National Guard and Reserves as well as Retirees can shop at the Commissary.

You can read more about the history of the Commissary on their website! 

Why You Should Be Tipping the Commissary Baggers

Image source

The Commissary is meant to be comparable to what you can find in a regular grocery store.

But for a cheaper cost. While this, of course, isn’t always the case these days, and not for every product, overall shopping there can save you a bit of money.

The Defence Commissary Agency (DeCA) was established in 1990 and they are who run the Commissary today. Commissaries sell at cost and we pay a surcharge which helps with new stores and renovations. Baggers work for tips only and they are not government or commissary employees but considered self-employed.

Baggers at the Commissary are not the same as baggers at your local grocery store.

Why You Should Be Tipping the Commissary Baggers

So why should you always tip your bagger?

I have heard some pushback about having to tip the baggers. Do you have to do so? What if you want to take the groceries out yourself? What if they don’t do a good job?

The thing to remember is that while the Commissary can resemble and look like your regular old grocery store, they are not. They are a military benefit to help you save money on your groceries. Because of this, things are done a little bit differently. The only money the baggers make is what they get from tips.

If a commissary bagger brings your groceries to your car, please tip them.

Do you have to? Well no, if you don’t, no one is going to write you up or give you a ticket but it is not a nice way to treat your baggers. If you don’t have any cash to give them, know that you can get cash back when you pay, and the cashiers are pretty used to people asking for that.

If you can’t do that or don’t want to use the baggers, you also don’t have to do that either. Most Commissaries have a self-checkout section that you can use.

I have been using the Commissary since 2006 and 99% of the baggers I have met have been good at what they do and are simply trying to earn an income. They range from high school students to stay at home moms to older spouses. They do the best they can and tipping them is so important.

Why You Should Be Tipping the Commissary Baggers

How much you tip really depends on what you feel is comfortable.

Most people tip between $3-5 depending on how many groceries they have. Some, of course, give more and some give a little extra when the weather isn’t as nice or on a holiday. Some pay by the bag or dollar amount spent.

In the end, if you go to the Commissary and use a bagger, make sure to tip them. If you don’t want to do that, if you don’t feel comfortable with that, don’t use the bagger or shop somewhere else. Don’t stiff your bagger, be nice to them, it’s the right thing to do!

 

Why The Military Should Always Be Paid, Always

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Why The Military Should Always Be Paid, Always

What a way to wake up, to hear of a government shutdown. That what so many people said wouldn’t happen did and that so many families are wondering what that means for them.

Our military is used as a bargaining chip, and sometimes that means that we will have to deal with what happens when the government gets shutdown. I am hoping that this does not last long, I am hoping that by the time you read this, the shutdown is old news, but I am not holding my breath.

Why The Military Should Always Be Paid, Always

 

No one in today’s Military was drafted.

Every single person who serves decided to do so on their own. The Military is the job they decided to do and how they help support their families. In some cases, the Military member is the only one bringing in a paycheck. Having that regular paycheck is a must.

If your spouse is deployed, you will receive extra money which helps your household. This can be an excellent time to pay off debt, save for the future or just catch up on bills.

The National Guard and Reserves have monthly drills that families are used to, those have been and could be canceled because of this. And while a canceled drill can seem like a nice break, a canceled drill also means families will be going without some of their regular income for the month.

So whether the Military member is deployed or not, that money is very important. But beyond that, to not get paid like you should is a huge slap in the face.

In a perfect world, we would all have nice sized emergency funds, but not everyone does. While it is true we should always be prepared, a lot of military families are not and live paycheck to paycheck. While it is nice to have savings, not everyone has enough to help them through something like this.

But beyond whether a family has enough money in their bank accounts to get through one or two delayed paychecks is beside the point.  What does not paying the Military do to morale? It crushes it. From the single soldier serving in Afghanistan to the Mom of four trying to hold it together while her husband is deployed for the fourth time.

To not get paid on time feels like a blow.

To have to figure out how to make a paycheck stretch that much more is added stress Military families don’t need. In 2013, the last time this happened, my husband was deployed, and the feeling that he would not get paid was beyond frustrating. I hate that for anyone going through this right now.

If you are looking for more information about what is happening, how you will be affected during this time, how services you depend on will be affected, please use these links to help:

UPDATED: How a Government Shutdown Impacts Pay, Benefits

Here’s what we know about how a government shutdown would affect the military, DoD civilians and veterans

USAA pledges help for members affected by possible January 2018 government shutdown

Navy Federal rolls out loan policy in light of possible 2018 federal shutdown

Defense Finance and Accounting Service – DFAS

Government headed for shutdown Saturday, after Senate fails to pass budget bill

What You Can and Can’t Do During a Government Shutdown

How to Survive the Government Shutdown

What should we be doing?

As we are trying to see what is going to happen with this shutdown, here is what we can do to help our situations:

  1. Try not to panic- I know that is difficult, this is a stressful situation.
  2. Look at your budget- Figure out where your gaps are. Talk to your bank. Put down on paper your plan for paying your bills.
  3. Watch for updates- Things can change quickly.
  4. Be informed- There is a lot of misinformation out there, make sure the information you are reading about all of this is correct.
  5. Breathe- This sucks, it does, but hopefully, the shutdown will not last long, and we will be back to “normal” soon.

And to anyone who has any power in this, stop using the military like this. Stop acting like it doesn’t matter if the military gets paid or not. The military should always, without question be paid on time. Always.

 

Preventing Suicide: Resources to Help You and Your Family Members

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Preventing Suicide: Resources to Help You and Your Family Members

Before February of 2017, I was a bit ignorant on suicide. I knew that suicide affected a lot of people, I knew that depression existed and that the disease could be a reason someone lost their life, and I knew that sometimes people felt like they had no other choice. I also knew that suicide was an issue that affected the military profoundly, both the service member and the military spouse.

But then, in February of 2017, I got a phone call I never thought I would.

Preventing Suicide: Resources to Help You and Your Family Members

My dear sweet SIL had lost her battle with clinical depression, and everything changed for us. My sister-in-law appeared so happy. She had been married to my brother for almost four years. She always had a smile on her face, ran her own business, and was surrounded by people who loved her.

What we didn’t know was what she was struggling with behind closed doors. What we didn’t know is how much pain she was in. We didn’t know that despite everything going on, she was still struggling and in the end, she could no longer fight the disease that took hold of her.

After we lost her, people started sharing their own stories with us. Maybe it was a sibling, maybe a mom or a dad, maybe a best friend. I started to hear stories of suicide everywhere I went, in the media and from others as they shared what they have been through.

The truth is, suicide is something that affects so many of us in the military and non-military worlds. Service members won’t get the help they need because they are worried about their careers. Spouses don’t reach out because they don’t want to seem like they are less than. People hide so much, even when they need help, and the rest of us are not sure what we can do.

Preventing Suicide: Resources to Help You and Your Family Members

We post reminders of the suicide hotline, we let others know we can be a listening ear, we fight for changes in the government so that people can get the help that they need, but is this enough?

The truth is, as a military spouse, this is something we need to be aware of. The risk of suicide is 22% higher for veterans than for those who have never served. 22%! These men and women who have served their country so bravely, come home from war with struggles we can’t even begin to understand, and then become at risk for something that can be preventable.

I hope that these links and resources can help you. Whether you have a spouse who is struggling, a friend or family member, you are struggling yourself, or you just want to become more informed about the issue:

Organizations & Websites

Stop Soldier Suicide– This organization works 1 one 1 with troops, veterans, and military families to help them navigate what is available. They are advocates to help figure out what each person needs to get better.

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention– One of the best resources out there for information on warning signs and risk factors, statistics, and treatment.

Be There Peer Support and Outreach Center– The Be There Peer Assistance Line is the only dedicated DOD peer support call and outreach center. It is available to all service members and their families, including the Reserves and the National Guard.

Dasium- This organization focuses on teens and young adults who are at risk for depression, addiction, and suicide. They use the power of stories and personal experiences to help develop programs and resources in an engaging and effective way.

Operation We Are Here– This website has tons of resources for counseling, crisis help, suicide, mental health, and more.

Objective Zero App – Ending Veteran, Military Suicide- This is a mobile app and nonprofit to help connect veterans to suicide prevention resources as well as a community of veterans, counselors, and concerned citizens, all done anonymously.

Make the Connection– This online resource is designed to connect veterans as well as their family members and friends as well as other supporters with information resources and solutions to issues affecting their lives.

Veterans Crisis Line– This organization helps veterans that are in crisis with a hotline, chat, and text so that they can talk with caring VA responders. They also have a wealth of recourses on their website.

Preventing Suicide: Resources to Help You and Your Family Members

Blog Posts & Articles

Sometimes hearing the stories of others can help us with our pain, give us strength, and even cause us to take action when we knew we need extra help. Here are some personal stories and articles about suicide and mental health:

What Depression Feels Like

Why Us? Because Suicide, Depression, and Addiction Aren’t Selective…

Homefront Operations: Ways to fight the silent battle of suicide

Have you been affected by suicide?

Please give tomorrow a chance

The Day He Contemplated Suicide

We’d Be Better Off Without You (Part one)

Do you know of any resources or blog posts to add to this list?