Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Julie

When You Are Feeling Alone in Your Military Spouse Life

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When You Are Feeling Alone in Your Military Spouse Life

There could be times during your life as a military spouse when you will feel alone. Maybe your spouse just left for a deployment, maybe you just moved to a new city, too many miles from your comfort zone, or maybe your friend circle has fallen apart and you wonder what to do next.

When You Are Feeling Alone in Your Military Spouse Life

Sometimes we feel alone because we assume no one truly understands what we are going through.

We think we are the only ones that feel a certain way. The only ones that have to take that deployment one hour at a time, who miss their spouse more than they thought they would, who have a hard time making new friends at their duty station.

But the reality is, we are not alone. There are others that feel just like you do. There are others that truly understand. There are others who have been through it before and want to help those who are going through it now.

So if you are feeling alone, know that you are not.

Reach out to your military spouse groups, read blogs, ask friends what they did, step out of your comfort zone, and find ways to help with what you are going through.

When You Are Feeling Alone in Your Military Spouse Life

Don’t let anyone tell you that you don’t have a right to feel the way you do. Missing a spouse, missing a best friend, missing home, or anything else is normal. We miss the things we love the most. And know that this too shall pass, that you will get to a better place, and that in the end, what you go through in life will always help you in the future.

Figure out ways to help when you are feeling alone.

For some, inviting a friend over will help, even if you are not super close. Others will need to find something to do outside of the house and step out of their comfort zone. This isn’t always an easy thing to do. Making friends is hard.

As military spouses, we can feel separated from those we love the most. Keeping in contact with them is a must, whether that is over the phone, over text, or even just on Facebook. Remember, that as time goes on, you will figure out what works for you to stay connected to those you no longer live close to.

If you are feeling alone, try to connect with the people in your world. Be brave. Learn to explore. Be creative. And before you know it, you will find that you will stop feeling so alone, that you will start to make new friends, that life will get better and that you will find your place in this crazy military spouse world.

A Super Long List of Fiction Books to Keep You Busy During a Deployment

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A Super Long List of Fiction Books to Keep You Busy During a Deployment

I love to read, I have as long as I can remember. My dad was a librarian when I was born and I guess it was just meant to be. I read about 40-70 books a year and wish it could be 100. Seriously. Books are amazing! I love how you can get truly lost in a story, learn more about something you didn’t, or connect with characters and hear their stories.

Getting lost in a book is a good way to handle those deployment days. Books can be so healing in this way, whether they simply take your mind off of your own situation or allow you to experience a story that touches your heart.

A Super Long List of Fiction Books to Keep You Busy During a Deployment

This post contains affiliate links! 

If you are looking for a book to read this deployment, here are some fiction books to add to your list. Enjoy!

Fiction with a Military theme

Up in Smoke by Hannah R. Conway

Don’t Mean a Thing by Renee Conoulty

Blue Stars by Emily Gray Tedrowe

Full Measures by Rebecca Yarros

Historical Fiction

Some Luck by Jane Smiley

As Bright as Heaven by Susan Meissner

The Ship of Brides by Jojo Moyes

Commonwealth by Ann Patchett

A Fall of Marigolds by Susan Meissner

Barkskins by Annie Proulx

The Girls by Emma Cline

A Bridge Across the Ocean by Susan Meissner

All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr

Secrets of a Charmed Life by Susan Meissner

Lilac Girls by Martha Hall Kelly

The Kitchen House by Kathleen Grissom

The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah

A Hundred Summers by Beatriz Williams

The Forgotten Garden by Kate Morton

Fall of Giants by Ken Follett

The Rose Garden by Susanna Kearsley

The Help by Kathryn Stockett

Outlander by Diana Gabaldon

A Super Long List of Fiction Books to Keep You Busy During a Deployment

Thriller/Suspense/Mystery

The Last Mrs. Parrish by Liv Constantine

All the Missing Girls by Megan Miranda

The Girl in the Red Coat by Kate Hamer

The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins

Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

Grave Sight by Charlaine Harris

Dead Until Dark by Charlaine Harris

Women’s Fiction

Forever, Interrupted by Taylor Jenkins Reid

One True Loves by Taylor Jenkins Reid

Maybe in Another Life by Taylor Jenkins Reid

Crazy Rich Asians by Kevin Kwan

The Secrets of Midwives by Sally Hepworth

The Red Door Inn by Liz Johnson

Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty

What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty

The Husband’s Secret by Liane Moriarty

The Wednesday Sisters by Meg Waite Clayton

Safe Haven by Nicholas Sparks

The Swimmer’s Assistant by Amber Myers

I’ve Got Your Number by Sophie Kinsella

One for the Money by Janet Evanovich

A Super Long List of Fiction Books to Keep You Busy During a Deployment

Contemporary Fiction

The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry by Gabrielle Zevin

Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng

Beartown by Fredrik Backman

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid

Perfect Little World by Kevin Wilson

Small Great Things by Jodi Picoult

Kitchens of the Great Midwest by J. Ryan Stradal

Where’d You Go, Bernadette by Maria Semple

Me Before You by Jojo Moyes

The Girls from Corona del Mar by Rufi Thorpe

Leaving Time by Jodi Picoult

YA Fiction

Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell

Before I Fall by Lauren Oliver

Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell

The Selection by Kiera Cass

Just One Day by Gayle Forman

Paper Towns by John Green

The Fault in Our Stars by John Green

Science Fiction/Dystopia

Ready Player One by Ernest Cline

The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood

Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs

Matched by Ally Condie

11/22/63 by Stephen King

Uglies by Scott Westerfeld

Delirium by Lauren Oliver

Open Minds by Susan Kaye Quinn

Divergent by Veronica Roth

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger

What are your favorite books???

To the Military Spouse Starting Their First Deployment This Year

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To the Military Spouse Starting Their First Deployment This Year

With a new year brings a lot of promise. We can’t help but think of all the things we will achieve, all the ways we will grow, and all the fun we will have. But for those with a deployment in the near future, things aren’t quite as exciting. Instead of looking ahead to the potential a new year can bring, there is dread. Instead of being happy about the new year, there is sadness, thinking about everything their spouse will miss.

To the Military Spouse Starting Their First Deployment This Year

If you are a military spouse starting your first deployment this year, know that what you are feeling is normal. Deployments are scary, and if you have never been through one before, you have no idea what to expect. You might be worried you won’t be able to make it through, you might be concerned your children will not understand, you might not see how you can say goodbye to the person you promised your life to.

The reality of saying goodbye for a deployment is that somehow, you do it. You drive them to where they need to go, you hug and kiss goodbye, and then you go home. And while you might do all of this with tears in your eyes, you will somehow find yourself in a place where you are ready to take on the months ahead.

So, to the military spouse starting your first deployment this year, make sure you are prepared for when they leave.

Figure out what you might need to make it through the time apart. Talk to your spouse about expectations, how to handle your finances, and anything else that is important to the two of you. You can never be 100% prepared for a deployment, but you can do things to make the transition a little easier.

Make sure to figure out a way to make friends at your current duty station.

I know that making friends is hard to do. Not everyone is nice. Not everyone gets you. But finding at least a couple of people to go through this deployment with will make the deployment easier. You will have people to walk through this hardship with and that is a good thing. Get out there and connect with groups and events at your duty station. They might have a lot going on that you can take part in and eventually meet people who will become your friends.

To the Military Spouse Starting Their First Deployment This Year

If you have an FRG, try to connect with them.

FRGs are not always the best, there can be a lot of drama, but sometimes the FRG is going to be the place to go to get through this. These are the spouses that doing EXACTLY what you are doing, for the same amount of time. If nothing else, maybe you can find a few other spouses through the FRG to meet for coffee once a week or get your kids together for a playdate. Don’t write off the FRG before a deployment just because you have heard they can have issues.

Buy a journal, write in it often.

Writing in your journal can be an excellent way to express yourself during the upcoming deployment. The journal would be a place to vent out about a bad day, complain about whatever is bothering you, and write our your feelings on everything that is going on. No one has to read what you write, not even your spouse. The journal is just for you and having one can be a good tool to have during your deployment.

To the Military Spouse Starting Their First Deployment This Year

Once the deployment starts, you can begin your countdown.

One day down means another day closer to them being home. There is something about the pre-deployment period that makes life difficult. You are both so stressed out about what is going to happen, that sometimes, once they leave and your countdown begins, you can feel a lot more in control of the situation. Know that no matter how many deployment days you see ahead of you, each day is a step forward and getting through each day can be a cause for celebration.

As you look at the rest of your year, not sure how things are going to go, know that there is support out there for you and your situation. From blog posts to websites, to books, to Facebook groups, to groups at your duty station. From a good friend you can hang out with a few times a week to a family member, you can call on your hardest days. Find the support that works for you and know that deployments eventually end and your spouse will be back with you again.

What are your best tips for getting through a deployment? 

 

The Breastfeeding Shop Has a New App and it is Amazing

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The Breastfeeding Shop Has a New App and it is Amazing!

The Breastfeeding Shop Has a New App and it is Amazing

This is a sponsored post by the Breastfeeding Shop. 

Technology is amazing! There seems to be an app for everything. As of last week, there is now an app made by the Breastfeeding Shop just for moms and those who want to take advantage of the no-cost breast pump you can get with TRICARE.

The Breastfeeding Shop

 

On the home screen of the app, you see what your options are. The layout makes it easy to find what you need, whether you want to track your baby’s feeding patterns or order your breast pump.

Here is everything you can do on the Breastfeeding Shop app:

Order Forms: You have access to the order forms you need to receive your no-cost breast pump or accessory kit right on the app. This will also give you more information on calling to place your order if that is what you want to do.

The Breastfeeding Shop

Rx Form: You can download or email the RX form to your provider so that they can fill the form out for you. Then you or your provider can upload it or fax it to the Breastfeeding Shop.

The Breastfeeding Shop

Flange Sizing Chart: You can easily download this chart to help you figure out what size flange you might need.

The Breastfeeding Shop

Record your baby’s sound: Here you can record your baby’s sound with the recorder.

Pump production log: This part of the app is super handy. You can log your pumping time as well as which side you used and how many ounces you produced. You can then go back to your saved logs to see what you have been doing.

The Breastfeeding Shop

Feeding tracker: This is handy as well. You can log when your baby sleeps and eats whether you are breastfeeding in addition to pumping or only giving breast milk in a bottle.

Find a lactation consultant: This handy tool will help you pull up a lactation consultant in your area in case you are looking for one.

As you can see the Breastfeeding Shop’s app has a lot to offer new moms and makes ordering your breast pump even easier. You can find the free app in the iTunes as well as Google Play stores.

If you are curious about how to receive your pump in the first place or are looking for more information about this benefit and The Breastfeeding Shop, check out these posts to help:

How You Can Get A Breast Pump Through TRICARE for $0

Which Breast Pump Is Best For You?

Can You Really Get A No Cost Breast Pump For Each Baby Through TRICARE?

How to Decide What Breast Pump is The Best One For You And Your Baby

Why You Don’t Have to Buy Bottles For Your Breast Pump

 

 

Can Anyone Make it as a Military Spouse?

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Can Anyone Make it as a Military Spouse?

I have often believed that no matter who you are, where you came from, as long as you love your service member, you can get through anything. When my civilian friends tell me they could never do what I do, I want to tell them they could if they had married a service member too.

There have even been times in the past, before my husband joined the military, when I didn’t think I could do it either.

But, can anyone really be a military spouse? Can anyone who marries someone who serves figure out a way to make this work?

When most people get married, they assume they will be married until death do us part. Who wants to go into a marriage with divorce as the goal? But the truth is, not all marriages last, and not all marriages can survive the military.

Can anyone make it as a military spouse? That depends.

Some people can get through anything the military life brings them. This should be the goal. Working through the stressful situations, working on their marriage, and trying to figure out a way to get through it all.

Some military spouses married their service member years before they joined up. In these cases, life gets thrown entirely on its head when they join. Everything changes and that can be such an adjustment for the service member, military spouse, and children.

For others, marrying the love of their life meant becoming a military spouse on their wedding day, unsure of the adventures, or struggles they might run into in the future. Their new marriage is thrown together with the newness of military life.

In either case, the military spouse can feel like her world is falling apart, that they can’t make it through that deployment, that they are not quite cut out for this life.

I have felt this way myself. I would get to a place where I just didn’t see how I could keep doing this. Where everything was a little too much. Where I didn’t want to do the military life anymore.

But then, I remembered that I did indeed marry a soldier, even if he wasn’t actively serving at the time. I reminded myself that this is a part of who my husband is and that in the end, I can stand by him through whatever I need to. That my love for him and my want for us to be together will be more important than any lonely night or hardship the military comes my way.

 

That being said, this isn’t the case for everyone.

For some, this life isn’t something they can keep doing. They hit a wall for whatever reason. Sometimes they hit this wall because there has been betrayal in the marriage. Can you truly trust someone across the miles when they have cheated before? Sometimes there is abuse, or the couple cannot work out their difficulties.

The truth is, we don’t always know what other people are going through, we don’t know what happens in their marriage, and we don’t know what they have been through in the past. Compassion is a must.

While going into this life believing you can make it through is a must, know that if you were not able to, that if things did get too difficult, that if you are no longer a military spouse, that you have a right to do what is best for you. That you did what you could, and that no one should be judging you for doing what is best for your own family.

What do you think? Can anyone make it as a military spouse?

As Bright as Heaven by Susan Meissner

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As Bright as Heaven by Susan Meissner

* This post does contain affiliate links!

I am always a fan of a good historical fiction book. I love learning more about the past within a fictional story. Susan Meissner is one of my favorite authors that does a good job of this. Her latest book, As Bright as Heaven, is coming out February 6, 2018, and I got the chance to review the book through NetGalley.

About the book: In 1918, Philadelphia was a city teeming with promise. Even as its young men went off to fight in the Great War, there were opportunities for a fresh start on its cobblestone streets. Into this bustling town, came Pauline Bright and her husband, filled with hope that they could now give their three daughters–Evelyn, Maggie, and Willa–a chance at a better life.

But just months after they arrive, the Spanish Flu reaches the shores of America. As the pandemic claims more than twelve thousand victims in their adopted city, they find their lives left with a world that looks nothing like the one they knew. But even as they lose loved ones, they take in a baby orphaned by the disease who becomes their single source of hope. Amidst the tragedy and challenges, they learn what they cannot live without–and what they are willing to do about it.

As Bright as Heaven is the compelling story of a mother and her daughters who find themselves in a harsh world not of their making, which will either crush their resolve to survive or purify it.

As Bright as Heaven by Susan Meissner

My thoughts:

I didn’t know too much about the Spanish Flu and this book takes place right in the middle of it as well as the Great War (World War I.) The way the characters are immersed in that world makes you really feel for them. I found myself wondering how I would be acting as a mother if I had to deal with that with my own children.

As with any book that takes place during a war, it is always interesting to me to read about how things were so different back then, but also how some other things are still the same. Saying goodbye to someone going off to war is difficult whether it is to Europe in 1918 or Iraq in 2017.

This was also the first book I have read of Susan Meissner’s that did not have a connection to present time and I admit that I missed that part of her books. I like how she ties that in usually. That being said, this book was still so enjoyable.

There are quite a few points of view as the story is told from the perspective of a mother as well as her three daughters. Susan Meissner does an amazing job of weaving all these stories together and giving each of them their own voice, even though some of them are children.

If you are a fan of historical fiction, if you are looking for a good book to dive into this winter, or you want something to get lost in during your spouse’s next deployment, order your copy of As Bright as Heaven (you can do so on Amazon) or check out any of Susan Meissner’s other books she has written. You won’t be disappointed.

How You Can Become a Military Spouse Blogger

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How You Can Become a Military Spouse Blogger

* This post contains affiliate links! 

We were almost done with our 2nd deployment. It was getting colder in Germany, and I didn’t have that many things to do besides taking care of the kids and the house. For a while, I had wanted to become what I called a “public” blogger.

I had been blogging since 2004, but up until that time, my blog was just for friends and family. The blog was just little updates with pictures. I did most of that before Facebook started getting popular. When I realized I was posting everything I already posted on Facebook, I didn’t really blog that way anymore.

How You Can Become a Military Spouse Blogger

During that 2nd deployment, I decided to start my Military spouse blog.

I didn’t know what I was doing. I posted about homecoming outfits and the end of the deployments. I then found other Military spouse blogs and left comments. I went on Twitter and started to connect with others that way too.

Before I knew it, I had a little following. A few months later I was asked if I wanted to giveaway a book for Military Spouses. Things just progressed, and I eventually moved from Julie the Army Wife to Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life which has been my blogging home for over 10 years now.

I love blogging and love that there is such a wonderful Milspouse blogging community. We have all been through a lot of the same things, and we can help each other out.

How You Can Become a Military Spouse Blogger

So how does one become a Military Spouse Blogger?

Start a blog

This is obvious; you must start a blog to become a blogger. Some Milspouse bloggers write all about Military life. Others blog about everyday life or other topics that don’t have to do with being married to someone in the military. The choice is up to on what to blog about.

You can start a free blog on Blogger or WordPress. You can also go self-hosted which means you will have to pay a small hosting fee. You might also want a domain name. I have found if you wait for sales you can get them for $.99 for the first year.

I love my blog hosting service. David from New Blog Hosting is the best. I can always message him if I have any issues and he can help me fix what needs to be fixed. He is also very affordable.

Start writing

After you have set up your blog, you need to start writing. You don’t have to write every day, but if you want to get your name out there, you need to write often. This is especially important when you first start out. Make a schedule for yourself and try to stick to it.

If you are stuck on what to write about, get out a pad of paper and start writing down ideas. What topics are you interested in? What topics could you write about time and time again? What do you want to talk to your readers about?

How You Can Become a Military Spouse Blogger

Being active on social media

Set up Facebook , Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest accounts to go along with your blog. Having a Facebook page is a must. Just create one with the same name as your blog. To start, you can invite your friends to get going. Make sure the friends you invite would be interested in your blog to begin with.

The key to Facebook is making sure you are posting the right type of content. Post both your own links as well as others. Memes work well. One meme took me from 3,000 fans to 10,000 in a very short amount of time. Sharing other people’s stuff is also a way to help other bloggers and is a smart thing to do. Look for content that you know your ideal reader would be interested in.

Twitter is good for sharing links and connecting with people. Twitter will not bring as much traffic as Facebook will, but it can be a good place to establish your brand and connect with other bloggers and readers.

Instagram is great for photos and memes. Make sure to comment and like other’s posts and have fun with the platform. You can also use Instagram stories too.

Pinterest is a search engine and you want a mix of your content and others. You can join a Pinterest group board and schedule out pins with Tailwind.

Decide how much you are going to share

Since we are all military spouses, there are going to be OPSEC and PERSEC reasons not to overshare. Talk to your spouse about what they feel comfortable being out there on the internet. Some service members do not want any photos of them or even their names to be used. You should also decide if you are going to share where you live or talk about your children on your blog.

If you have your own Milspouse blog or just started one, leave your link in the comments. I would love to stop by 🙂

What Adam Driver, Former US Marine, Does For the Military

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What Adam Driver, Former US Marine, Does For the Military

What Adam Driver, Former US Marine, Does For the Military

Have you seen The Last Jedi yet? If not, go, I loved it! And I have a house full of boys who do too. If you are a fan of the Star Wars movies, you might know a bit about the actors who play in those movies. One of the new villains in these recent movies is Kylo Ren, played by the actor Adam Driver.

Did you know that before he started acting, Adam Driver was in the Marine Corps? He joined after 9/11 and served for almost 3 years. He injured his sternum while mountain biking and was medically discharged. After that, he went back to school, ended up at Juilliard, and started acting in New York City both on and off Broadway.

His first movie was J. Edgar in 2011. In 2012, he began his role in the HBO show Girls, and in 2014, he was cast as Kylo Ren for the upcoming Star Wars movies.

What Adam Driver, Former US Marine, Does For the Military
By Dick Thomas Johnson from Tokyo, Japan [CC BY 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons

Even though his career in the military ended years ago, his support for the military did not. In 2008, he founded Arts in the Armed Forces (AITAF.) This organization’s goal is to bring high-quality theater programming for active duty service members, veterans, military support staff, and their families.

AITAF perform’s domestically and around the world and chooses plays that feature diverse themes as well as ages, ethnicities, and experiences. This creates a unique experience for the audience. After each of their performances, the actors will interact with the audience, answering a Q & A and having an informal time to talk to everyone.

The first performance of 2018 will be at Joint Base Charleston in South Carolina on January 5th and 6th. They will be doing a reading of Top Underdog.

In celebration of their 10th year, Arts in the Armed Forces announced the Bridge Award that will grant 10K to a playwright who has or is serving in the military. In addition to the money, they will also stage a professional reading of the play that was submitted. All entries must be received by March 1st, 2018. The winner should be announced around May 1st, 2018. Go to their website for more information.

As you can see, Adam Driver and Arts in the Armed Forces want to bring amazing theater to the military as well as support the talents of those who serve. This is such an important thing as the military is made up of people with all different strengths and talents. Arts in the Armed Forces is one way to help support that.