Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Julie

The Deployment Dread

by 1 Comment

The Deployment Dread

Deployments! There was a period when deployments were my life. My husband was either preparing for a deployment, away on deployment, or newly home from one. It seemed like as soon as we had a few weeks together, they were talking about the next one.

This was exhausting!

Always feeling like I had to be prepared for a deployment started to get to me. That deployment dread, I hated feeling that way. I didn’t want to feel that way. But I also didn’t want to forget what was ahead.

This deployment dread is that pit in your stomach when you hear about your spouse going overseas.

The Deployment Dread

It is when you hear a name of a country on the news and realize that is where they could be headed. Deployment dread is recognizing that they are going to miss your son’s next birthday or the start of a new school year.

Deployment dread is not a good thing to have. But what can do you do about it? Here are some ideas!

Remember the benefits

Remember that there are benefits to a deployment. Some are financial, and some are emotional. Although most spouses would prefer their spouse not deploy, doing so can bring about positive changes in your home.

From paying off debt to your spouse being able to move ahead in their career. If you can focus on these things more than what they will be missing, dealing with the deployment dread will be easier.

The Deployment Dread

Focus on you

When you start to worry about the upcoming deployment, try to focus on yourself instead. What do you need to work on personally? What will you work on when they are gone?

For some this means going back to school, for others, this means working on a weight loss goal or even reorganizing their home. When you can come up with a list of deployment goals, you have something to focus on and get excited about even if your spouse is going to be away.

Enjoy your time together

Don’t turn the time you have together until the deployment starts into a depressing time. You will have break downs about a possible future deployment but overall, focus on spending time together. Make plans, have family time, go on dates, and talk about what you guys will do to connect the next time they have to go.

During the pre-deployment period, you might argue more than usual. This is normal but try not to let the arguing be your focus. Both of you are stressed because things could change soon. Work hard to make those memories together and enjoy all the time that you have before they have to go.

The Deployment Dread

Remember, this too shall pass

Whatever is ahead of you, remember, you will get through it. Time will pass. Days will go by. And no matter how hard things seem, you will make it through the deployment. Life is filled with ups and downs. Some years will be better than others. Deployment years are going to be more challenging than nondeployment years.

Sometimes the deployment dread can be a lot worse than when they actually leave for deployment. There are a lot of fears associated with a deployment. Some of them are valid, and some of them are not. Keep in mind that your upcoming deployment will probably surprise you, and at the end, you will look back and be amazed at what you have done.

The Deployment Dread

Connect with others

Find other military spouses to connect with. Whenever the deployment dread hits you, make plans with a friend or put something on the calendar where you can get out and meet people. Walking through the pre-deployment season with other spouses who understand will help you more than you realize.

Other spouses have been through this before and can give you good advice a long the way. And then, when the deployment starts, you will have people to depend on. You can help one another out, no matter how long the deployment might be.

Do you struggle with worrying about the next deployment even if there isn’t one on the calendar? How do you deal with it?

How You Can Get A Breast Pump Through TRICARE for $0

by

How You Can Get A Breast Pump Through TRICARE for $0

This is a sponsored post by the Breastfeeding Shop. 

How You Can Get A Breast Pump Through TRICARE for $0

We had two of our three children after my husband joined the Military. With these two boys, we had TRICARE Prime which comes with some benefits. Since I have had my boys, TRICARE has added a fantastic benefit that everyone who can take advantage of should. You can receive a breast pump through TRICARE for $0.

“Wait? A $0 breast pump just because I had a baby?” 

Yes! Since 2014, TRICARE will allow any female who has either given birth to a baby or adopted one to receive a $0 breast pump. This will encourage more moms to breastfeed and enjoy the benefits of breast milk. With a pump, they can help increase their milk supply, or be able to continue breastfeeding even after they return to work.

This benefit is valid for any type of TRICARE. This means that as a National Guard spouse I would be able to get the $0 breast pump too if I ever had another baby.

TRICARE will also pay for certain breast pump accessories such as tubing, bottles, and storage bags. This will allow you to have everything you need to start using your breast pump.

How You Can Get A Breast Pump Through TRICARE for $0

“But wait, I can get this pump, but how do I do so? Do I have to fill out a form?”

The good news is you can head on over to the Breastfeeding Shop, and they will help you receive your $0 breast pump. This is what you need to do:

  1. Get your prescription from your doctor. This must be from a TRICARE authorized provider. Your prescription should show that you can get either a basic manual or standard electric pump. The Breastfeeding Shop can also contact your physician directly, but the process will be faster if you can get that prescription yourself.
  2. Pick out the right pump. At the Breastfeeding Shop, there are quite a few pumps you can choose from. Read the reviews, talk to friends, and decide on the right pump for you and your baby.
  3. Fill out the Insurance Form at the Breastfeeding Shop and submit. Once they confirm your insurance, they will ship you your breast pump and breast pump accessories.
  4. Receive your breast pump and accessories, learn how to use your pump, and get started with the benefits of using a breast pump with your baby.

“That sounds awesome, can I do this before I have my baby? Or do I have to wait until they are born?”

You can do this before your baby comes. That way, you can have everything ready to go when they arrive. Of course, if you have already had your baby, you can still use this benefit too.

Head on over to the Breastfeeding Shop to see what breast pumps they have to offer and to get started. They would be happy to help if you have any extra questions and will work hard to make sure you can get your $0 breast pump in a timely manner.

Have you received your TRICARE breast pump benefit yet?

Win a Waiting for my Soldier Pillowcase With Oh, Susannah

by Leave a Comment

Win a “Waiting for my Soldier” Pillowcase With Oh, Susannah

Oh, Susannah will be giving one of my readers a pillow case for this giveaway.
There are also affiliate links used within the post. 

Sometimes it is the little things that help us through deployments and time away from our spouses. We want to feel close to them when they are away, and sometimes we can find a cute product to help us with that.

I am super excited to have a giveaway with Oh, Susannah. They make super cute pillowcases will all types of themes.

Oh, Susannah was started by Ben and Susannah O’Brien. They started making these gifts for their loved ones and grew their business from there. Ben brings his technical knowledge and Susannah is the master designer. After the two were married in South Carolina, they moved to North Carolina and started their Oh, Susannah Etsy shop.

These days you can purchase their amazing pillowcases in their Amazon store. This makes for an easy buying experience since most of us are used to shopping on Amazon already. They have quite the variety to choose from whether you are a military spouse or just want something fun for your own bed.

Here are some of Oh, Susannah’s handy work:

Cute Pillow Cases

Super cute, huh? Most of their pillowcases are 20 by 30 inches and made with 120 Gram, silky soft microfiber. They also use a permanent fiber dying process that allows you to sleep on the decoration and not feel it. These pillowcases are not only cute but also useable.

 

How would you like to win this pillowcase?

Waiting for my Soldier is perfect for the Army spouse. Please enter the giveaway below and I will pick a winner using Rafflcopter.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

You can also use the coupon code SOLDIER2 to receive 20% off your order. Head on over to Amazon, decide which pillow case would be right for you, and place your order 🙂

These pillowcases would also make perfect gifts for friends, family, or other military spouses that have started a deployment.

6 Ways to Travel With Kids and Not Lose Your Mind

by

6 Ways to Travel With Kids and Not Lose Your Mind

6 Ways to Travel With Kids and Not Lose Your Mind

I collaborated with Expedia.com to share my travel experiences to help get the word out about the Expedia Military Offer. The military offer provides complimentary Expedia+ Gold Status to anyone that signs up by verifying their military status. It’s available to active duty, veterans, military spouses, and dependents. Expedia + Gold Status is valued at $10,000 and includes benefits like bonus points, complimentary upgrades, and exclusive amenities. Visit the Expedia Military Offer page to sign up.

This past summer I took my three boys from our home in Tennessee to my parent’s house in Southern California. We spent three weeks with them, making memories and enjoying family. I was so glad that I decided to take the trip even though the idea of flying alone with my three boys made me nervous.

I have done it several times before, but they were a lot younger. This time the flight would be four hours and then an hour drive to and from the airport. When I got home, I thought back to that trip as well as other trips I had taken with them and figured out how I got through the travels without losing my mind.

1. Make sure to organize and prepare

The number one thing I do when I travel with my kids is to get organized before we leave. This trip, each child had their own backpack with anything they would want to play with on the plane, an extra change of clothes, snacks, and an empty water bottle. Doing this freed up space in my own bag and made them responsible for some of their things.

I also make plans for the trip. How long will we be traveling? What will they need? What about food? Snacks are a big deal. When you have snacks, you have something to give your child when you need them to think about something else besides being in the car or plane.

6 Ways to Travel With Kids and Not Lose Your Mind

2. Traveling will not be as difficult as you think

I always get so nervous and anxious about traveling with my kids, but in the end, the trip is usually never as bad as I expected it would be. Sure, we might run into issues and frustrations but overall, we get to where we need to go and do so all in one piece.

I try to remind myself of this before we leave for our trip. I think about the good times we have had in the past and all the fun memories we will make while we are on our travels. That helps my mood and keeps my anxiety low.

3. Let people help you

When I flew over to Germany to join my husband, I had my 18-month-old with me, and luckily I sat next to a nice woman with four boys of her own. She offered to keep an eye on him when I went to the bathroom. When you are traveling with kids, people might try to help you, and it is a good idea to let them.

4. Ask for help

In some cases, you will have to ask people to help you. One of my boys has autism so before every flight, I tell the flight attendants, and they allow us to board before regular boarding begins. This helps my son out to be able to find the right seat without being rushed to do so.

If you feel stuck, ask a flight attendant or someone working at a desk for help. Depending on the situation, you might want to ask the people who are around you to help. Most people would be happy to help you out during your travels.

6 Ways to Travel With Kids and Not Lose Your Mind

5. Let some rules go

When traveling with children, you will have to let go of some of the rules you might normally have in your home. The middle of a flight isn’t the best time to enforce the “one hour a day” rule for screen time. Your children should be able to understand that you are not at home, that you are on vacation, and that things will be different.

6. Keep your sense of humor

Remember to keep your sense of humor during your trip. You will need it. If you take everything too seriously, you are going to stress yourself out. You want to get from your home to your destination without losing your mind and having a sense of humor about the situation will go a long way.

If you are frustrated by a delayed flight, try to make things fun and turn the waiting into a game. If you have a crying child, know that you are not alone and that plenty of people have flown with a crying child. Do what you can to calm them down and make it to your next stop.

When Grandma Can’t Be There: The Reality of Living Far From Home

by

When Grandma Can't Be There: The Reality of Living Far From Home

When Grandma Can’t Be There: The Reality of Living Far From Home

I just got back from three whole weeks in California. We did so many fun things. We went to Disneyland, Knott’s Berry Farm, Sea World, the Beach, and more. We also spent a lot of time with family.

We stayed with my family and my husband’s family came down to see us so we got to hang out with them too. My boys got to spend time with both Grandmas, Grandpa, their Uncle, their aunt, their great aunt, and their cousins.

Being able to spend this time together was very much needed. In February of this year, my family suffered a tragedy and lost my sister-in-law to suicide. I knew I wanted to visit in July before this happened but once it did, I knew I had to.

Life is shorter than we realize and nothing is guaranteed. I thought I would have plenty of time in the future to see my sister-in-law and I didn’t. So I planned a three week trip to California this summer and I hope I can do that again in the future.

When Grandma Can't Be There: The Hard Truth of Living Far From Home

We live over 2,000 miles from both of our families.

We moved away because of choice, we stay because we haven’t figured out a way to afford to move back. California is one expensive place.

If you are an active duty military family, you most likely will also be far from home. Maybe you are a few states away, but life makes visiting difficult. Maybe you are on different coasts, and visits are few and far between. Maybe you live in Europe, experiencing an overseas PCS, but part of you is still back home in the states.

We have been lucky over the years. Family has been able to visit us. When we were in Germany, all three living grandparents were able to visit with us there. They have also been able to take trips out to Tennessee to see us where we live now. Hopefully, there will be more in the future.

Right before we left for the airport to return to Tennessee I made a comment on Facebook about how I was looking forward to going home but I didn’t like that it was so far away from my family.

When I was in high school I couldn’t wait to leave. Two months after graduation I moved nine hours away to go to college. I have always wanted to live other places and experience how other people live.

When Grandma Can't Be There: The Hard Truth of Living Far From Home

But all of this independence comes with a cost.

Not living close to family means you can go years without seeing them. Yes, years.

Not living close to family means you are the cousins the rest of the family doesn’t really know, and that sucks.

Not living close to family means that each visit has a time limit and you can’t help but be aware of it.

Not living close to family means you will miss birthday parties, Christmases, Thanksgivings, and important events you otherwise wouldn’t have.

Not living close to family means you have to work that much harder at staying connected through the miles.

Someday we will hopefully live close to our families again. Someday we won’t have to miss them so much. And that is what I keep in mind when we say goodbye.

 

I am happy with my life here in Tennessee. We like our neighborhood, we like our church, we like the boy’s schools and the military community that surrounds us. This place has a lot to offer, but my family is simply too far away for me to be able to fully dig my roots into it.

If I think about everything we are missing, I can get pretty sad about the situation. I know my family is missing so much about my boys growing up.

I don’t even know what it would be like to have Grandma in the same town as us. I don’t know what being close to family on a day to day basis would be like.

I do know that so many military and even non-military families are living their lives away from their loved ones.

Those of us that are living far away have learned what we can do to make that distance a little bit closer. Calls and Facetime can help. Care packages can send love over the miles. Visits with one another are a must. And there is always hope that you will be able to move (or get stationed) close by them in the future.

How far away are you from your family? What do you do to stay connected to your family from miles away?

We Went to Disneyland Using the Armed Forces Salute

by

We Went to Disneyland Using the Armed Forces SaluteWe Went to Disneyland Using the Armed Forces Salute

I love Disneyland. I have been over 100 times. I had a pass from the time I was ten until I was eighteen year’s old. Disneyland is one of my favorite places.

I was able to go with my best friend back in February. It was a random, last minute visit and I am so glad we did it. I thought that would be my only 2017 Disneyland experience, but I was wrong.

I was planning a trip out to California with my boys when my husband mentioned that I should take them to Disneyland. My six-year-old hadn’t ever been, and it was time. I realized we could use the Disney Armed Forces Salute to buy a three-day pass.

We Went to Disneyland Using the Armed Forces Salute

I started doing my research and found out all about the discount. And man, the discount was a good one. We could get a three-day park hopper pass for just $156. I paid over $100 for my one day pass back in February. I also found out I could buy a ticket for my mom. My brother was going to come to, but he had an annual pass.

On July 11th, we headed to my favorite place to start our Disneyland adventure. Being the nervous person I am, I was a bit anxious about buying the tickets. I was told that at Disneyland, you should just buy them at the park (this is different from Disney World.) I had my ID, and when I got to the window, that is what I did.

We Went to Disneyland Using the Armed Forces Salute

I paid $780 total for five of the three-day tickets. I could have gotten six if I needed to. I did not need my husband (the service member) with me. We are also a National Guard family and still qualify for this discount.

Once we got the tickets, we headed into the park. At the gate, they needed to see my military ID one more time, and then they took photos of all of us. After that, no one needed to be with me to use their ticket. My mom only spent two days with us and will use her other day another time with my brother.

We Went to Disneyland Using the Armed Forces Salute

Day one, we went to Disneyland. We spent the whole day there. We figured out Fast Passes, which had just switched to a new type of system. We rode a bunch of rides like Space Mountain, Splash Mountain, the Matterhorn, and Pirates of the Carribean.  And although my son with Asperger’s got pretty worn out by the end (he had a melt down on Main Street,)  overall the day was good.

Day two, we started off at California Adventure. I ended up running into an online friend that day. I knew we were both going to be at Disneyland and just by chance we ran into one another. We met online back in 2001 and had never met in person, so that was fun.

We Went to Disneyland Using the Armed Forces Salute

We did the new Guardians of the Galaxy ride, which was pretty amazing but came close to making me sick. We had an ice cream break at Ghiradelli’s, yum. Cars Land was amazing, and we got to see the Pixar parade.

After dinner, we went back over to Disneyland for the Main Street Electrical Parade. I love that parade and so glad they brought it back and that I got to watch it twice this year. Pete’s Dragon is my favorite float.

We Went to Disneyland Using the Armed Forces Salute

Day three, we started off at Disneyland again riding a lot of the rides we did the first day. In the afternoon we went back over to California Adventure for more Ghiradelli’s and some rides. Then we ended our day.

This trip to Disneyland was different from any other trip I had taken there. For one thing, we had a lot more time. Usually, we just go for one day. For another, my six-year-old wasn’t a huge fan of the rides like his brothers were.

We Went to Disneyland Using the Armed Forces SaluteLuckily we had Grandma and my brother there to be with him some of the day. It was busy, being July, and hot. Usually, we do not go in the summertime.

I am not sure when we will go again. It depends on when we will be in Southern California again, if there is an Armed Forces Salute, and what we can afford to do.

We Went to Disneyland Using the Armed Forces Salute

We are all excited about Galaxy’s Edge: Star Wars Land that will open in 2019, so thinking 2020 could be an excellent year for another big trip. But we will see. I was thrilled to be able to share my love with my boys this summer 🙂

Have you used the Disneyland or Disney World Armed Services Salute discount?

What I Have Learned After 15 Years of Marriage

by

What I Have Learned After 15 Years of Marriage

What I Have Learned After 15 Years of Marriage

The first week of August my husband and I celebrated 15 years of marriage. That day in August 2002, I became a wife and started my life with my husband. We had met the year before, and we both knew right away that we were meant to be.

Over the years our life has gone in different directions than I thought it would. I didn’t believe that we would be a military family, that came a few years later. I thought we would have a daughter; we have three sons. I didn’t know how difficult certain things would be or where this road of life would lead us.

When you have been married for a while, you learn about what it means to be married, what it’s like to go through life with someone else, and what it’s like to raise a family together.

Here is what I have learned in the last 15 years of marriage:

What I Have Learned After 15 Years of Marriage

Life is full of surprises

Life is not going to go the way you think it will. Whether that means surviving through deployments you never knew you would have to go through, moving to a place you never even thought about, or having different children than you thought you would.

Life will be filled with happy things like a new baby, buying a house, and going on an amazing vacation. Life will have sadness in it whether it is the death of one of your parents to cancer, the suicide of your sister-in-law, or a time of struggling with jobs and making enough money.

You will go through these happy times, and sad ones. You will need to depend on one another when you do. All couples go through these different types of situations and as hard as they might seem, we are not alone in trying to figure out how to deal with them.

You won’t always like each other

Sometimes I get annoyed with my husband and sometimes he gets annoyed with me. Before deployments, we can fight more than we normally do, about the silly stupid stuff. You won’t always like your spouse, but that feeling won’t last forever if you can work through your situation.

Stress can cause a marriage to break, especially if you don’t address what is causing the stress. If you feel like you can’t get past a particular situation, it is okay to ask for extra help. Going to marriage counseling doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It can help you and your spouse and get you two to a better place.

You will still make each other smile

My husband still makes me smile. Whether it is because he is playing with the kids or because he is just walking through our house. I am still in love with this man and to be able to look at him and smile is a good thing.

Life sometimes gets so busy, and with both of us working hard, it can be difficult to find time to just hang out together, but we do try. Giving one another a quick smile or kiss during the day can go a long way in helping us connect during those busy days.

What I Have Learned After 15 Years of Marriage

Growing old together really is amazing

When my husband and I got married I was 23; he was 26. Now we are 38 and 41. We have grown up a lot since those years. When we look at our wedding photos, we look so much younger than we do today. We have gray hair, more wrinkles, and we don’t move quite as fast.

I love this part of marriage. Of knowing we were together when I was in my early twenties and knowing we will be going through our 40s together soon (I still have 1.5 years, haha.) As each year goes by, we learn more about one another and experience different stages of life.

We had the years before kids, then they started coming, and diapers and baby food were the norm. Now our oldest is almost a teenager, and we are entering a new stage of life. It’s fun to look back over the years of where we have been and all that we have done together.

As we start a new married year together, I am thankful for my husband. I love what we have built together, and I am excited to see where the future takes us.

How long have you been married? What is your best marriage tip?

25 Reasons To Go Home For a Deployment

by

25 Reasons To Go Home For a Deployment

25 Reasons To Go Home For a Deployment

Deployment is coming. What do you do? Do you stay in your current home, solo parenting and making the best of your situations or do you pack it all up, go back home and get through the months away in a familiar space?

I went home for three months of a deployment, and it was one of the best things I ever could have done. I am not sure I would ever go home for that length of time again, my kids are older now, but for that deployment, it was the right choice.

25 Reasons To Go Home For a Deployment

Here are 25 reasons to go home for a deployment:

  • Because you hate your duty station

Let’s face it, if you can’t stand your duty station, going home for a deployment might work out in your favor. Getting a break from a place you don’t want to be can be a good idea. Even just going home for a few months can help you come back, ready to start over at the place you will still need to call home.

  • Because you hate your living situation at your duty station

You might love where you live just not your physical home. Your apartment could be way too small, you might hate your on post neighborhood, or just can’t stand your current living situation.

  • Because you just had a baby

After having a baby, having an extra set of hands during a deployment is going to be a good thing.

  • Because your family is helpful

If your family is helpful, going home will be a good thing. They will help you find a place to stay and be there for you when you need them.

  • Because your best friend still lives there

When your best friend still lives in your home town, spending time with her can be a perfect thing during a deployment. She might not fully understand military life, but she will be the listening ear that you need.

  • Because it snows too much at your duty station

If you are not used to snow, driving in the snow, and living in the snow, being at a place where it snows can be quite difficult. Why not head for warmer temps if that is the case?

  • Because you miss the beach

There is something about the beach, especially if you grew up with it in your backyard. Being close to the ocean water can be quite therapeutic.

  • Because you want your kids to know your family

What better way for your children to get to know your family than living right there with them.

  • 25 Reasons To Go Home For a DeploymentBecause you want to show your kids what life was like when you were growing up

When I went home for those three months, I was able to do a lot of the things I did growing up with my own children. That was a fun summer and one I will never forget.

  • Because you don’t want to be around the military 24/7

Sometimes we just want a big old break from the military. Going home for a deployment is a way to do it.

  • Because you want to visit, but you would rather just stay for a while

Visiting can be good, but staying a while can make the visit even better.

  • Because it is hard for anyone to come visit you

When no one can visit you, whether that is for health or financial reasons, going to them might be the only way to spend time together.

  • Because your kids haven’t started school

If your children are not school aged yet, going home makes more sense than if they are. This might be the only time to go home for a deployment.

  • Because you homeschool and you can

If you homeschool, going home for a few months won’t mess up the school year like it would if they attended school outside the house. Take advantage of this.

  • Because you want to experience something different

Home might be totally different than your current duty station. That might be just what you want for this deployment.

  • Because you want to always have help with the kids

Going home can mean having quite a few people to babysit your kids. People you love, people you trust, and people who love your children.

  • Because your family misses you

When you are the branch of the family tree who lives far away, people tend to miss you. Going home for a deployment can help with this.

  • Because you can save money

Look at your financial situation, will going home save you money?

  • Because you can go to school easier

If you want to go back to school, moving home could make that easier.

  • Because you want to help your family

Your own family might need help from you. Going home for a few months can be a way to help out when you otherwise would not be able to.

  • Because your mom is a good cook and you are not

When you are missing her home cooking, having it often during a deployment isn’t going to hurt.

  • Because you know your kids would love it

If you know your kids would enjoy your time back home, it could be something to seriously think about.

  • Because you will be PCSing right after he gets back

For some, going home make sense since you will be PCSing when they get home from the deployment.

  • Because you suffer from anxiety

Suffering from anxiety during a deployment can make things more difficult. Going home can help with that.

  • Because your duty station never felt like home

Sadly, no matter how hard you try, your duty station might never have clicked with you. And going home for the deployment will be your best bet.

25 Reasons To Go Home For a Deployment

When trying to make this decision, remember that going home for a deployment completely depends on you, your family, and your situation. What works for one person might not work for another.

I hope this list will get you thinking about whether it is the right option for you or not.

Have you ever gone home for a deployment? How was it?