Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Julie

Bloom Where You Are Stationed

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Bloom Where You Are Stationed“I hate it here.”

“We just got orders there and I am scared. I have only heard bad things.”

“I really don’t want to leave here and have to move there. It is the worst place we could go.”

“I really just want the next three years to pass quickly so we can move somewhere else.”

“This place is so boring. There is nothing to do here. I hate it.”

Have you heard people say things like that before? Maybe it was you? I am not going to lie. I was so ready to leave Germany after we had been there a few years. That was hard for me. Very hard. And it was Germany. A place many people would LOVE to go and who never want to leave.

It was the end of 2007. I was standing outside a bookstore with my Mother-in-law in California during our post-deployment vacation. “I don’t want to go back to Germany. I really really don’t” I told her. And I didn’t. I just wasn’t excited about going back. I knew another deployment was coming and didn’t want to be over there anymore. However, my husband still had a few years left before we would move back to the US.

I did what you have to do as a Military Spouse, I sucked it up and got on the airplane and we went back “home” to Germany.

 

A few months later, we moved to a different duty station in Germany. Our housing was a lot better. So much so that I cried happy tears when I walked into our new home. But still, I was missing the United States and just wanted to be back there. I didn’t want to still be in Germany. Then I bought a new camera. I started taking pictures every day and started really noticing where I was. From the trees to the flowers to the old buildings. I was in a magical land. I needed to take advantage of that.

Things being what they were, having two little kids, I wasn’t going to be able to travel every week or even all that often. But I could put them in the stroller and walk around my village. I could walk them around town and into the country a little bit. So that is what I did. One Sunday my husband had to work so I decided to take them for a long walk. It took us five hours there and back but that walk was amazing and one I will never forget. We passed by forests, rivers, fields, apple trees, sheep and old buildings. I still enjoy looking at the photos I took that day.

If you are feeling like you are hating your current duty station, maybe you should try to change things up.

Grab your camera, grab a friend or just go and explore. You never know what you might encounter. Remember that once you leave, you might never be able to return. Try to find the positives in where you live, even if they are well hidden. Of course, some places are easier to do this than others.

When you can bloom where you are stationed, you can have good experiences anywhere you go. You will learn how to find the positives in every situation and figure out creative ways to enjoy yourself even if you are not feeling too happy at first. If you are set to go to a duty station most people don’t like, see if you can talk to people who do like it there. Find out what they have to say and find things about that place to look forward to. Make a list of positives and get ready for your next adventure as a military spouse.

Have you ever lived somewhere you couldn’t stand? How did you figure out how to bloom where you are stationed?

15 Years of War by Kristine Schellhaas

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15 years of war

I just finished the book, 15 Years of War: How the Longest War in U.S. History Affected a Military Family in Love, Loss, and the Cost Of Service by Kristine Schellhaas.

This book wasn’t just good, it was truly amazing! The story of a couple going through the last 15 years of war. I think each military spouse has a story to tell about her time during deployments and dealing with military life in general. This is Kristine’s story and one that I am so glad she shared with the world.

Kristine and her husband Ross met in 1996. He is in the US Marine Corps. The couple married in 2002 and started their married lives in Southern California.

The book takes you through so much of their lives during the last 15 years. From Ross’ training to setting up in a new place and learning what it means to be a military spouse. From moving to San Diego to Georgia to Twenty-Nine Palms to Camp Pendleton to Virgina and back again.

Ross was deployed several times throughout the years and I am so thankful his stories were a part of the book. My husband was in Iraq and Afghanistan too and although they had different jobs and were in different branches and roles, hearing what he went through helped me understand more about what my own husband went through during those years.

The book brings us through Kristine’s pregnancies, the births of her children and the loss of her son. Something that is so hard for so many of us to understand. This book was so real. Kristine and Ross were able to share with us their thoughts and feelings about everything that happened to them.


One aspect of the book that I really enjoyed was that they included their emails to one another. Some of them were fun and had a joking tone, others were more serious. This is so much what it is like to have a deployed spouse. You pour out your heart in an email and then get frustrated that it was an email and not over dinner.

The book goes back and forth between Ross and Kristine giving us the perspective of both. Sometimes they would both talk about the same situation and the same event but from their own point of view.

This book is beyond amazing. For anyone who has been through deployments, you will relate to so much in this book. For anyone that has gone through extra difficult situations in military life, you will relate to this book. For the general public that are not associated with the military, you should read this book too. It will give you a picture of what it is like for military families in the last 15 years of war.

 

  • I was given a free copy of this book for review. 

Because Memorial Day Just Isn’t Enough

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Because Memorial Day Just Isn't Enough

Today is Memorial Day.

A day when most of us stop our normal lives and remember those who have lost their life for our country. To remember those from previous generations and those who joined the military after 9/11. We remember who they were, what they did and how they died. We remember their families, their spouses, their children, their mothers, their fathers.

When you are a military spouse, the meaning of this day changes.

Memorial Day is no longer just for those who fought in the World Wars, Vietnam and Korea. It is for your friends and those who went to war with your own spouse. It is for you neighbor or the girl you sat next to in bible study. The day touches you in a different way than it would have had your spouse never joined.

I remember during our first deployment. It was soon after the guys had left, maybe just a week or two. A bunch of us wives was standing around at a fair that the base had put on. Or some other type of event. It was fall of 2006 and our guys were in Iraq. I remember standing around, looking at all of us. Knowing we were all going through the same thing. Knowing that we were all worried about our spouses and all praying they would come back home to us.

Being that this was my first deployment I had no other idea about how I was supposed to feel about having a husband in a war zone. This wasn’t even something I thought much about until he joined in late 2005. When he deployed I just had to have faith that he would come home. I couldn’t think too hard about what he was doing or how much danger he was in.

A few months later we heard the news. One of the wives that were standing with us that day had lost her husband. This war, it was real. Very real. Over the rest of that deployment and into the next one, five of my friends became widows. Some were in their early 20s, just starting out married life. Others had been married for years with several children.

My husband lost friends. His battle buddies that meant so much to him. Men that he had trained with and was supposed to come home with.

Ten years ago was when Memorial Day changed for me. It became so real. So very real.

I am glad that today, in 2016, so many people remember what this day is about, even if it isn’t personal for them. They know that we need to stop and remember those that gave their lives for our country.

The truth is, Memorial Day is just one day. I am glad we have this day but I wish our country could do more. How do you thank someone who gave up everything? How do you make it right?

I suppose you never can. You can never repay someone for that cost. You can’t bring their loved one back and you can’t erase their pain.

Whether it is the family of a soldier who fought in Germany in the 1940s, the widow of a man who left for Vietnam in the late 60s or the children of a marine who lost his life in Iraq just a few years ago.

The truth is, we can never repay them for what they lost. But we can support them. We can support them in our prayers and our thoughts and our actions. We can remember them and make sure they know they are loved and that the person they lost is a hero. We can make sure that we go beyond Memorial Day and that we aren’t just thinking of them on a Monday in May but that we are thinking of them the rest of the year too.

Because Memorial Day Just Isn’t Enough…

 

The Olympic Paints And Stains Weather-Ready Truck Tour & Lowes Gift Card Giveaway

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This is a sponsored post. I only recommend products or services that I think my readers would enjoy!

Summer is pretty much here in Tennessee. There is something about this time of year that makes me want to change some things in my home and work on some DIY projects. I have a long list.

That is why this is the perfect time of year for the Olympic Paints And Stains Weather-Ready Truck Tour. This tour kicked off in Indianapolis. During their 21-stop tour they came to Clarksville, near Ft. Campbell.

The Olympic Paints And Stains Weather-Ready Truck Tour will showcase the flexibility of Olympic Maximum Stain. You can use the stain when you want to, not when the weather dictates.

The Olympic Paints and Stain’s truck and trailer will showcase three alternative weather scenarios:

  • Rain-Ready: a stormy sky provides a backdrop for guests to don a rain slicker and participate in a hands-on demo of damp wood application.
  • Cold Weather: consumers will learn more from a brand ambassador about Olympic Maximum stain’s ability to be applied in temperatures as low as 35 degrees.
  • Warm Weather: the final activation features gigantic, oversized stained Adirondack chairs which provide a viewing area to watch as guests contribute the paint brush they used as part of their stain demo to an attempt at a Guinness World Record-breaking mosaic.

Olympic Paints And Stains Weather-Ready Truck Tour

 

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Visitors will then be able to contribute their paint brush to a large mosaic measuring more than 85ft in an attempt at setting the new Guinness World Record.

The Olympic Maximum stain is great for decks, fences, siding, railings, outdoor furniture, and other wood surfaces. Use the stain for waterproof protection and to extend the life of your deck.

Sound interesting? The tour still has 7 stops left. Any of them near you?

Saturday, May 28 – LOWE’S OF WEST KNOXVILLE, TN

Sunday, May 29 – LOWE’S OF N. KNOXVILLE, TN

Monday, May 30 – LOWE’S OF E. KNOXVILLE, TN

Thursday, June 02 – LOWE’S OF LEXINGTON, NC

Friday, June 03 – LOWE’S OF WINSTON WEST, NC

Saturday, June 04 – LOWE’S OF NORTH WINSTON, NC

Monday, June 06 – LOWE’S OF CHARLOTTE NORTHLAKE MALL, NC

Now for the giveaway! Olympic will be giving away a $100 Gift Card to Lowe’s to one of my readers. You could get started on any number of projects with one of those 🙂 Just enter the Rafflecopter below.

 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Pay Down Debt After Active Duty Life

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Pay Down Debt After Active Duty Life

I am working with Credit Karma® to bring you this #Sponsored Post.

Pay Down Debt After Active Duty Life

In June of 2014, my husband went from active duty Army to the National Guard. This was a big step for us. This meant that he would no longer be bringing home his paycheck on the 1st and 15th of the month. This meant that we would pay more for insurance and we would no longer receive BAH. This also meant finding a new job and taking a pay cut.

Getting out of the military is no easy task.

Finding a new career and a new purpose can take a lot of time. This is exactly how things have been for us. Trying different jobs and trying to figure out what works. This is all a process and I know things don’t happen overnight but being patient is difficult.

During the last few years, we have had to make some hard choices when it comes to spending our money. We want to eventually be out of debt and we want to be able to give our children a good childhood. The balance of that while trying to find a new job can be difficult.

One of the best ways to get out of debt is to know what your financial situation is. Knowing how much debt you have, how much each of the payments is and when they are due is important. Tracking your credit health will help you know where you are and how far you are from where you want to be financially.

We want to get out of debt so we can eventually make a move back to the West Coast to be closer to family. This will require a lot of work but I know we can eventually get there.

Using an app like Credit Karma® is going to help us get there. We can use this app to track how we are doing and follow-up on our debts and credit health.

has a few tools that make doing this pretty easy.

After setting up an account you should be able to see what is called your VantageScore 3.0. This is what you can track over time as your credit improves. Using this score you can see that you are improving.

is a great app for military families, no matter what stage of life you are in. I know this app will help us in our after Army/ Guard life and it can also help families as they go through other changes during their military careers.

Did you know that 20% of Active Duty families have over $10,000 of credit card debt? This means that so many would benefit from a tool that can help them track their debt and get back on track.

Here are some other features of Credit Karma that will help you track your financial health:

Credit Factors

In this section, you can check on how well you are doing with your credit card utilization. This is how much credit you are using vs how much credit you have access to. If your balances are too close to your limit, you are going to have a higher percentage. You can also track your payment history, any derogatory marks, age of accounts, total accounts and hard inquiries.

Credit Score Simulator

is such a helpful tool. You can plug in different numbers to find out what your score would be when you have less debt. This is an encouraging tool to use as you work towards your goal.

Direct Dispute™ 

If you ever see anything wrong on your credit report you can use this tool to dispute the mistake.  This tool will notify a credit bureau of the errors. As many as 1 out of 4 credit reports can contain errors. If you are one of them you want to fix it as soon as possible.

Credit Karma will provide access to your credit reports from two major bureaus. They will update every week as well. This credit monitoring can help families catch fraud early as well as understand where they are financially at any time. And best of all, Credit Karma is free.

I plan to use to help track how we are doing as we work on our debt and work towards our future goals.

You know what can help with debt reduction? Winning a giveaway 🙂 I will be giving away a $50 Visa Gift Card to one of my readers. Just enter the giveaway below…

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Now, go check out the and see how you can start tracking your own credit to get you to your financial goals.

The Independent Military Spouse

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The Independent Military Spouse

The Independent Military Spouse

When you have a spouse that is away from home a lot of the time, things change. You have to become more independent. Even if you don’t want to be. Even if you want to fight that. Independence will come even if the skill is a hard one for you to learn. You simply can’t rely on your spouse for everything that you used to. When my husband has been deployed, I am 100% in control of everything. I have to be. Sometimes we would go more than a week without talking. I was the one that has to make most if not all of the decisions. All the daily stuff falls to me.

You become the Independent Military Spouse!

What we do each day, what we eat, when the kids go to bed and everything in between. I have had to make decisions about preschool, special needs, traveling and what to buy for the home. Decisions on things that might not have been all up to me if he had never been deployed. I have to be the one to make sure all the bills are paid and that we are doing everything we are supposed to in order to keep the home running.

When he would get home, I didn’t want to be 100% in charge anymore but that was a role that was hard to drop.

The Independent Military Spouse is going to be in charge more often than not. She or he has to be. It wouldn’t make any sense to have the person who is not even home to be in charge of the running of the household.

The best thing to do is to talk about your expectations ahead of time. Find out if your spouse cares about where your children go to preschool, if you travel anywhere or what bills to pay down before others. Find out what they want to have a say in. You might assume they don’t care because they aren’t home but that might not be the case for everyone.

After years as a military spouse, you will have no choice but to become more independent. You will have to step up, even if stepping up is not in your nature to do so. If you have never been in charge of the bills, sit down with your spouse and talk about what is expected. This can be a scary change but going over everything so that you are both prepared for any separation is a must.

Being prepared during any type of separation includes how to run your household.

I never used to know how to mow the lawn but when my husband was set to deploy the first week of June, I knew I would have to learn. We didn’t want to have to spend money on someone doing the lawn for us. I was scared and unsure of how to use the mower so my husband took some time to show me. I tried mowing the lawn on my own the first time before he left just so I knew I was doing it correctly. It might sound like a silly thing to worry about but after learning how to do the lawn myself , I was fine. I didn’t have to depend on him to get the lawn mowed.

Talking with other Military spouses about this can also be helpful. If you are struggling with doing it all or not sure what your role is anymore,talking to others in the same position can help. A military marriage is going to look different than a civilian one. Find what works for you and your family and what can work while your spouse is away. Figure out how to be the Independent Military Spouse you need to be.

Do you enjoy being in control of everything when your spouse is gone? How does it work when they get home? Is it something your struggle with?

For the Military Spouse

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For The Military Spouse

For the Military Spouse…

For the spouse who is getting ready for her first deployment…

For the spouse who is getting ready for his fifth deployment…

For the spouse who has to tell his kids, that mommy misses them…

For the spouse who can’t wait until bedtime to have a good cry and some me time…

For the spouse who writes letter after letter and stands in very long lines to send a package over there…

For the spouse who has to take a back seat to a very demanding career…

For the spouse that loves being a SAHM while her husband serves in the military…

For the spouse that works her own career right along with her husband…

For the spouse who served in the past…

For the spouse who currently serves too…

For the spouse who can’t sleep a wink the night before homecoming…

For the spouse who has to drive her husband back to the airport, kiss him goodbye and figure out how to get through the rest of a deployment after R&R…

For the spouse who sits in a lonely house waiting for a phone call…

For the spouse who gets on an airplane alone with her three young children just to take them to Grandma’s for the summer…

For the spouse who gathers with friends to get through a deployment…

For the spouse that has to say goodbye to friends to move to a new duty station…

For the spouse, that has to make new friends…

For the spouse who gets a phone call that something went wrong…

For the spouse worried about the knock on the door…

For the spouse that has received a knock on the door…

For the spouse that doesn’t want to be a military spouse anymore…

For the spouse that doesn’t ever want her husband to leave the military…

For the spouse that is counting down the days until he will ETS…

For the spouse that is on the other side of the country from everything she has ever known…

For the spouse that was able to stay close to home for her husband’s first assignment…

For the spouse who has trouble making friends…

For the spouse who stays behind when everyone else is moving away…

For the spouse who has to stay behind so her son can finish high school…

For the spouse who gives birth without her husband…

For the spouse that grew up in the military…

For the spouse who never thought the military would be a part of her life…

For every spouse from every time period. You are amazing. You do great things. You are stronger than you think you are. You are one of the few and without you, the military would be a very different type of place. You do things others never have to think about. You cry, you vent, you laugh and you smile. You do the best that you can so that you can support your spouse.

Happy Military Spouse Appreciation Month!