Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Julie

Should Military Families Move Home After Etsing?

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Should Military Families Move Home After Etsing?

Should Military Families Move Home After Etsing?

June 2014. After 9 years as an Active duty military family, my husband hit his ETS date. ETS stands for expiration – term of service. This is when the contract between the service member and the military has ended.

The service member can re-enlist which usually happens at least a few months before that date. Then their ETS date will change. For a lot of people, ETSing means moving back home or moving to a new job. For us, though, ETSing meant staying right where we were. In our house here near Ft. Campbell.

We made this decision for a few reasons. Home is California and the cost of living there is insane. We would probably have to pay at least triple if not more than what we pay on our mortgage now to get a small home. We just could not make that work.

Another reason we decided to stay in the area was to make fewer changes than we needed to. Leaving active duty is a big change. Finding a job in the civilian world can be a challenge. Staying where we were after ETSing made life a little easier than it would have been.

Our children’s school was another factor. We like the school and the kids are used to going there. One of my boys has Autism and they know him there. Eventually, we will move and will be dealing with a new school, most military families do that anyway but for the time being it was nice to keep them where they were more comfortable.

Deciding what to do after an ETS can be difficult. You might have a lot of options, you might not know what to do right away. How can you decide on if you should stay where you are or explore another part of the country?

  • Can you go home? This is a big part of where to go after you ETS. Is going home a choice? Do you have a home? Do you have a lot of family drama that you would prefer to stay out of? Like us, is it a lot more expensive where you are from? Ask yourself these questions and think about what you want for your family. Some military families can’t wait to get back to where everything started. Others have seen parts of the US or World and want to go back. And then sometimes you just want to start somewhere fresh.
  • What about the job? Where you move to or if you move might have to do with finding a job. If you decide to stay where you are, it could be easier to find a job. On the other hand, you might be able to find a job at home since you know people in the area. You might have to go where the job is even if it isn’t your ideal location.
  • Can you make a long term plan? We know we want to move out of the Ft. Campbell area eventually. We have a few ideas that we are working on right now. Things are still up in the air. Even though we wanted to stay after ETSing, we knew that eventually, we would leave. Sometimes military families stay so that a child could finish high school or until their spouse can get through school. There are many reasons to do so.
  • How is your housing situation? Had we been living in a military housing when my husband was ETSing we would have had to move somewhere. You can’t stay on post after you ETS. If this is you, you are more likely to go home or move to another place unless you really like the area you are living in.
  • Do you like where you are currently living? If you hate where you live, you will probably want to get out of there as soon as the military lets you. Sometimes I wonder why we are still here when we no longer have to be. You can’t leave in the middle of a tour but after an ETS, the choice is yours. It is never that simple and there are a lot of factors that go into whether you can leave or where you can go.

Moving after ETSing can mean a fresh start. A new job. A new state. A new future. Staying where you are can mean less stress and more stability for your family. Think about what your options are and what will be best for your family.

What about you? Have you gone through an ETS? What did you decide to do?

Mistakes You Might Make As A New Military Spouse

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Mistakes You Might Make As A New Military Spouse

I was 26 years old when I became a military spouse. Other spouses were a lot younger and some were even older when they joined this life. No matter how old you were when you became a military family, there is going to be a learning curve. You won’t be able to understand how everything works right away. You might make some mistakes. It’s bound to happen.

Over my time as a military spouse, I have made some mistakes too. Figuring out how the military works takes time.

Mistakes You Might Make As A New Military Spouse

 

Here are a few examples of mistakes you might make as a new military spouse…

Going Over His Chain Of Command- Going over your husband’s chain of command is a big no-no. You don’t want to do that. Doing so will upset people and could come down to your own husband getting in trouble. There will be plenty of times when a command comes down and you will want your husband to do something about it. Usually, they can’t. Remember that there is a chain of command for a reason. Be respectful of it.

The Military Has To Come First- The military has to come first most of the time. Your spouse will have to go where the military sends them. It doesn’t really matter that you are going to have a baby in the middle of a deployment. You can ask for him to be sent home but know that no one has to make that happen for you. This is one of the hardest things to learn about military life. A good Command will try to help families when they can but because of the mission that isn’t always possible.

Not Trying to Make Friends- You are in a new place trying to get used to your new life. It can be way too easy to stay at home and not try to get out there and make friends. See what you can do to get out of your house and go to places where you can make friends. Doing this might be scary, especially if you are shy. But I have learned that putting yourself out there will eventually make you friends. Even if it takes a long time. Find things you would enjoy doing anyway and keep trying. Military spouse life is better with friends.

The Toll- Sometimes it is hard to understand the toll that military life can take on you. As a wife. As a mother. As a woman. As a human. There will be a lot of situations that you will have to go through that will seem impossible when you first hear about them. You need to try to take care of yourself. You need to find ways to smile even if your spouse is gone. To enjoy life even when life is stressful. Remember that military life can take a toll but the experiences you will go through will also help make you stronger.

Letting The Fear Overtake you- There is a lot to be fearful of during military life. Even more so when they are deployed in a war zone. Don’t let that fear overtake you. The reality is, something could happen to your spouse. However, if you live in fear about that happening every day, you will go crazy. You need to figure out a way to keep your fear in check. That could be different for each person. Some people will find comfort from their religion. Others will have a good friend they can go to and talk about what they are scared of. Figure out how you can handle the fear and don’t let it overtake you.

No one is a perfect military spouse. You will make mistakes along the way. But you can learn from them. Your military life is a journey. One in which you will always be growing and learning along the way. Do the best that you can, learn what you can and you will find that you will slowly start to figure everything out.

Leave me a comment and let me know what mistakes you have made when you first became a military spouse?

5 Tips to Help Celebrate Your Marriage During a Deployment

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5 Tips to Help Celebrate Your Marriage During a Deployment

5 Tips to Help Celebrate Your Marriage During a Deployment

It was our 5th anniversary. I woke up that morning and something was different, something was off. We had spent our 1st anniversary on a weekend getaway, our 2nd, 3rd and 4th we had a nice dinner together. But this was number 5. That’s a big deal when you are newly married. 5 years is longer than high school or college and gives you enough time to look back on where you have been. But this anniversary was going to be different. He was deployed. He was in Iraq and we would not be spending it together.

I knew that in order to have a good day I would have to make it so. We would not be going on any trips or going out to dinner. We wouldn’t be going to the movies or a play or even just spending the day together. No, this anniversary would be different.

I decided to order a steak dinner from a local restaurant and have the food delivered after my little boys went to bed. I ate the dinner sitting in front of the computer waiting for my husband to come online. Celebrating your anniversary this way is normal for a military spouse.

Anniversaries are there to celebrate your marriage. You celebrate the time you have had together. To look at the past and look forward to the future. Celebrating your marriage is important. Whether you have only been married a year or for fifty years.

But how do you celebrate your marriage when they are deployed or away at a training? How do you celebrate when your heart aches for them? What can you do to feel closer?

Here are some ideas on how to celebrate your marriage during a deployment…

1. Write love letters- Love letters are the best. You could write your husband a love letter about how much you celebrate your marriage. Talk about when you first got married and your hopes for the future. You can pour out your heart on pretty stationary and mail it off to him. You can send him a series of letters or even a funny card.

2. Make a scrapbook- There is nothing better than going through old photos and looking back on previous memories during your marriage. You can take some time and put together a scrapbook for your deployed spouse. You could keep it simple and just put photos in an album or you could use stickers, cute paper and add a bit of journaling to the book. You could also make a book on a website like Shutterfly.

3. Send a care package- Put together a special anniversary care package. You can decorate the box however you want and include some of your favorite items. Think about what your spouse would love to see in a love themed package from you.

4. Have a Skype date- Planning when they will be online might be difficult but if you can plan for a special Skype date on your anniversary, go for it. You could sit and talk over dinner. You could plan to watch the same movie at the same time or just enjoy being able to see each other on the video. You could also do this over the phone instead. This is not going to replace a real date but it’s the best way to spend time together when you are miles apart.

5. Make plans for after the deployment- If you can’t celebrate your marriage during the deployment, make plans to do so after. You could plan a special trip or even just a meal at a nice restaurant. You can always celebrate your anniversary later. There is no rule that it has to be on that day. We have been able to celebrate our anniversaries months later by making a plan for a getaway when we were able to after a deployment.

Leave a comment and let me know how you have celebrated your marriage during a deployment. Have you done anything special and creative?

The Hallmark Channel’s “For Love & Honor” Movie Premiere Saturday, July 30th at 9/8c With Visa Card Giveaway

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This is a sponsored post! 

For Love & Honor

 

For Love & Honor

For Love & Honor

The Hallmark Channel’s new movie, For Love & Honor, premieres on Saturday, July 30th, 2016 9/8c.

When a by-the-book army veteran takes over as commandant at an ailing military academy, he instantly squares off with the school’s free-thinking new Dean of Academics. But when they are forced to work together to help save the school–or risk closure–sparks fly, romance blooms and lives change as they attempt to save the town’s longtime centerpiece. Stars James Denton, Natalie Brown,Sheppard Denton, and Rebecca Liddiard.

This looks like a great movie with a creative story! Make sure to tune in on Saturday night to watch. Please visit http://www.hallmarkchannel.com/for-love-and-honor for more information on this movie.

She Wasn’t What I Thought

After I graduated from college I struggled to find my first job. I had majored in Sociology and a lot of the jobs I wanted in that field didn’t pay enough, wanted you to speak Spanish or have a Master’s. I ended up at a temp agency and through them, I ended up as a Receptionist at a local business. When I first started, my boss, who was the Office Manager was pretty amazing. I found out she was just temporary and filling in for someone who was on maternity leave. After a few weeks, the regular Office Manager came back and everything changed.

The tone of the office changed, the way people acted changed and how I felt about my boss wasn’t too great. I wanted to like her but she was a bit harsh and I really didn’t know how to take her. I always struggle when I can’t seem to figure people out and that was how I felt about her. Time went by and over the weeks and then months that I worked with her, I started to see another side.

She was a first-time mom trying to balance work and family life. She wanted to do good in her job but she was frustrated by the information she was getting from her own boss. Over time I realized that she really was just doing the best she could. I started to feel better about working with her and we even shared some fun times. I worked at that company for about 15 months and when I left, I realized I would miss her. I would miss her rushing around the office, telling me what needed to get done and just being with her every day.

As I look back on that time in my life I wonder how she is doing now. I wonder how long she worked for that company and if she moved up or decided to work somewhere else. I will always admire her for the work she did and how hard she tried.

Have you ever had an experience where you had to work with someone that you were not fond of and then grew to like them in the end?

I am also going to be having a giveaway!

One of my readers will win:

(1)$25 Visa Gift Card

(1) Hallmark Channel Summer at the Shores Beach Tote

(1) Hallmark Channel Chesapeake Shores Towel

Just enter the giveaway below 🙂

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Please join in on the conversation on Twitter by using the hashtags, #ForLoveandHonor and #SummerNights!

When They Are Deployed During Your Baby’s 1st Year

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I never thought much about being a solo parent before my husband joined the military. I always assumed that when we would have kids, he would be there. He would be there for the pregnancy, the first year, the terrible twos and everything else.

However, that isn’t what happened. He was deployed when my 2nd son was born and didn’t come home from that deployment until he was almost a year old.

Because of that long deployment, my husband missed the 1st year of my son’s life. He missed him starting to roll over and become mobile. He missed him crawling and saying his first words. He missed starting solid food and learning to stand.

He missed so much because the 1st year of your baby’s life is filled with a lot of firsts. That year is such a special one and my husband experienced everything through photos and minimal videos.

The truth is, deployments happen whether you have babies or not. As a military spouse, you have to accept this and make the best of everything. The challenge comes with wanting them to be home and wanting to cherish your baby’s first year.

This isn’t easy and it can be difficult to find the balance between the two. How can you fully embrace your current life when a big part of that is missing, overseas in a war zone?

How do you not rush through all of your baby’s 1st? How do you make the best of things when their dad is away?

1) Document everything- Take photos, videos and a lot of notes. Send them weekly. Your baby is going to change a lot week by week. Your spouse will want to see them grow.

You could make a scrapbook or simply send the photos. You could also just post them online if your spouse can see them. I know my husband loved seeing all the photos I sent during the deployments. Don’t forget to send photos with you in them too. Your spouse would love to see those as well.

2) Journal- Journaling is the best thing to do during a deployment. You want to have a place to go to get out everything you are feeling. About your mood, about your day and what you are dealing with on a regular basis.

In your journal, you can include information about your baby. You can always read this part to your spouse after they come home or include some of it in a letter to him. Journaling will help you get your feelings out and that is a big part of going through a deployment.

3) Keep Perspective- Keeping perspective is the hardest thing to do when you are going through a difficult time. Yes, you miss your spouse and it totally sucks that they are gone and missing your baby’s first year.

However, you get to be with your baby. You get to see everything. You get to be apart of it all and you get to be the one to help your spouse experience some of what they are missing back home.

Remember, deployments won’t last forever and most people do not have to experience such a long deployment like I had to. Yes, your husband is missing a lot right now but he will be home and be able to make memories with you and your children again soon. Remember that.

4) Stay Busy- I know staying busy is the most common advice you can get about surviving a deployment but it’s so true. The busier you are, the more time will fly. Just keep busy doing fun activities that your children enjoy.

If you have older children, make plans for them and bring your baby along. If the baby is your only child, make plans to go to playdates and walks to get out of the house. Find other mom friends and try to work on yourself as you can. Staying busy with your baby will help you enjoy that first year but also allow time to pass so your spouse will be home with you again.

Missing a lot of their child’s first year is hard for service members. It can also be hard on the parent who is at home. Wanting to enjoy that first year fully but also wanting the year to go by so they can get back to regular family life. This isn’t easy and one of those things military spouses have to deal with during their years as a military family.

Has your own spouse been away for your baby’s first year? How did you deal with it?

My Military Spouse Gift Guide With UncommonGoods

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This is a sponsored post!

My Military Spouse Gift Guide With UncommonGoods

My Military Spouse Gift Guide With UncommonGoods

During my years as a military spouse, I have learned that sometimes a nice gift, either from a friend or family member or something I bought for myself can make my day. Whether the gift is something to help me feel better or something for my home, adding something new that really speaks to me is nice.

As military spouses, we can go through a lot of stressful situations. Our husbands can be deployed, we can be stressed about a pcs or we can be having difficulties with our children. A great gift can help with that, Whether we are buying the gift for a friend going through a difficult time or for ourselves.

Here are some great gift ideas for military spouses from UncommonGoods. You can see a lot of their home and garden products here. This company was founded in 1999 and has its headquarters in Brooklyn, New York. UncommonGoods features unique jewelry, designer décor, tabletop items, and handcrafted gifts created in harmony with the environment without harm to animals or people.

I also love that the UncommonGoods CEO Dave Bolotsky is passionate about the role of business in implementing a fair minimum wage. They run all of their operations out of the historic Brooklyn Army Terminal and the lowest-paid seasonal worker starts at 50% above the minimum wage.

Check these fun gifts out that would be perfect for military spouses.

Literary CandlesLiterary Candles-“Named for the locations in literary classics, these soy candles evoke the book’s most memorable moments.” $16 each.

Candles are the best! These candles are awesome and perfect for any book-loving military spouse. Here are the different scents: Sherlock Homes/221B Baker Street: Black currant tea and leather books, Alice in Wonderland/A Mad Tea Party: Bergamot, lavender, mandarin, thyme, and ylang ylang, with a touch of jasmine, Jane Eyre/Thornfield Garden: Roses and rain water, Pride & Prejudice/Pemberley: Lily, lilac, rose, hyacinth, and ivy.  They also have a collection of creative bookends that you can see here.

Hand Embroidered State PillowsHand Embroidered State Pillows-“Celebrate your favorite state with a pillow embroidered with its famous sites, cities, and cultural icons.” $168

These pillows are amazing and perfect for a military spouse. Most spouses have moved away from their home state and it would be nice to have a pillow to remind them of home. You could also get them for any country you have been stationed in.

Gift guide for military spouses

Scratch Off Map-“This scratch-off-where-you’ve-been map displays your past adventures in a dynamic and eye-catching way.” $26

This map looks like a lot of fun. You can scratch off the places you have been. This is great for a military spouse who has been able to visit amazing places because of her spouse’s career. You can also get one of just the United States.

gift guide for military spousesIllustrated Hobby Journals- “These illustrated journals offer prompts that encourage reflection on your favorite hobby.” $14.95 each

Journals are an ideal gift for the military spouse. Writing in a journal can help with your stress levels. These journals are based on popular hobbies. You can get a gardening, cooking or nature related one. These journals go well with popular hobbies and can be a great way to stay busy during a deployment.

gift guide for military spousesPacific Ocean Gift Set- “This set of luxurious bath goods is handmade using elements harvested from the Pacific Ocean.” $53

Fun gifts for the bath are always a good idea. I love to take baths when my husband is away or when I have a rough day. Something about the water is soothing. This set comes with everything a military spouse would need to have on hand for a nice and relaxing bath.

Take some time to visit Uncommon Goods to find the perfect gift for your friend or family member. Or maybe you want to pick out something just for you. You can also look for host and hostess gifts here if that is something you are looking for as well. Enjoy!

5 Things to do in the Summer When You Are Stationed at Ft. Campbell

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5 Things to do in the Summer When You Are Stationed at Ft. Campbell

We are just three weeks away from another summer being just a memory. School will start for my boys and although the weather will still be hot and the bugs will be loud, the pool will be closed and we will be looking ahead to the fall.

This summer has been low-key but also a lot of fun. We did not go on any vacations although my oldest went to summer camp. We had a lot of family time in June since my husband was home with a broken arm. I wanted to share 5 Things to do in the Summer When You Are Stationed at Ft. Campbell.

If you don’t know, Ft. Campbell is on the Tennessee and Kentucky border. Literally. Some of the base is in one state, some in the other. While officially the installation is considered Ft. Campbell, KY, if you have a baby here, they will have Ft. Campbell, TN on their birth certificate. Even though that doesn’t really exist. You can choose to live on post, on the Tennessee side in Clarksville or the Kentucky side in Oak Grove. There are also people that live a little further away in other towns too.

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Stationed at ft. campbell1. Liberty Park

Our family loves Liberty Park. Located at 1188 Cumberland Dr, Liberty park has a ton of things to do. You can walk along the river, let the kids play at their amazing playground, let your dog play at the dog park, grill, fly a kite or just relax on the grass. You can also fish in the pond or if you have a boat you can use the marina.  A lot of people take advantage of this park and there is no question why. It’s a beautiful place to go. They also have a restaurant, the Liberty Grill which is pretty good and if the weather is nice you can sit outside by the water.

 

Clarksville, TN pools2. The Pool

We love the pool and go there often. There are quite a few options for going to the pool here if you don’t have one of your own. The two main places are on post or the city pools in Clarksville. The on post pools are very nice and one of them even has a splash park attached to it. The off post pools are bigger and we have gone there the last few years since you can get a summer pass. The pass for a family of 5 is about $110 using the military discount. You can also get swim lessons for $15 a session if you have the discount. Last time I checked they were $60 on post, so quite a big difference. We have done lessons at both places and I think both are great but one is a lot cheaper than the other.

 

stationed at Fort Campbell3. Splash Parks

When we first moved here they only had one splash park on post. It is right next to a Starbucks and a regular park and we love going there. There is also a smaller one across the post and they now have 4 in Clarksville. They opened a new one this year. Splashpads are a really popular place to meet up with friends and when your kids are small, going to a splash pad is a lot easier then a pool when you are by yourself.

 

Tiebreaker4. Tiebreaker

I grew up going to Wild Rivers in California so the first time we went to Tiebreakers I was very underwhelmed. However, the kids love the place and it can be a fun to spend the day there during the hot and humid summer. Located in Kentucky, this is about 15 minutes from post. They also have a military appreciation day and buy one get one free on Mondays. They have a couple of slides, a lazy river and a fun water playground to play in.

 

Movies at the prark 5. Movies in the Park

Movies in the Park is a lot of fun. They show movies in a couple of the parks after dark on Saturdays. You can bring your own food or buy snacks. Last year we saw Back to the Future one and two and this year we watched Independence Day. They have a mix of family-friendly and other popular movies starting in May and going through October.

There are of course a lot of other things you can do in the summer at Ft. Campbell. There are events going on both on and off post, many parks to choose from, you can easily get to Nashville and Land Between the Lakes is only an hour away. Check out Groupon for any deals in the Clarksville or Nashville area.

Not stationed at Fort Campbell? Here are some posts by some of my blogger friends about other duty stations 🙂

Fort Stewart Fort Leonardwood Air Force Locations  Fort Bragg

And don’t forget to check out my Duty Station Guest Post list for information on a lot of different duty stations 🙂

 

 

10 Reasons Why Pokemon Go Is The Best Thing Ever

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Pokémon Go

10 Reasons Why Pokemon Go Is The Best Thing Ever

Unless you have been living under a big rock, you should have heard of Pokémon Go by now.

Pokémon Go is a free game you can find on iOS and Android devices. Developed by Niantic and published by the Pokémon Company. This game came out last week. Has it only been a week?

I discovered Pokémon when I was about 21 years old. I played it on my Gameboy for a few years. Over time I stopped playing the game but we still have my red and blue games here in the house. A couple of years ago my son started getting into collecting the cards has one of the newer games for the DS.

I saw on Twitter that there was a new game for Pokémon lovers for your phone. I had to check it out. So I did.  I learned this game wasn’t just a game you play on your own in your own home. This is a game that you have to play out and about in your community. And I was hooked. I told my boys right away and they were so excited about Pokemon Go too.

It took a few days to figure out how to play Pokemon Go.  The game kept having overloaded servers the first few days but we soon learned a little bit about the game. How you only have so many Pokémon balls to start. Whoops. How you can get more by leveling up and by going to a Pokémon stop. What’s that?

We found out that a Pokemon stop was where you can get extra items for your Pokemon and the game. It seems that almost every church in our city has at least 2-3 Pokemon stops. They are also in other places like parks and stores. We are still trying to figure out how the gyms work.

With the fast popularity of Pokémon Go, I wonder how long people will be playing it. Will we all go out on a snowy day to find more Pokémon? Maybe not. We will have to wait and see what happens. However, this summer, for the few weeks we have left of it, my boys and I will be playing Pokémon Go.

Because Pokémon Go really is the best thing ever. This is why…

1. We can play it together. We only have 2 phones in our house this will work on. One is mine, one is my husband’s so my boys are not going to have their own games. I have been taking turns with them. They usually get to hunt for Pokémon while we are driving and I have them tell me about any Pokémon stops they see along the way. Then we can go back to the ones I feel comfortable about.

2. It’s a walking game. Yes, you can play while driving but walking is even better. When you are driving you can capture Pokémon but it seems a little easier to do so while walking. This game is getting more and more people out and about. Which is a good thing.

Pokémon Go

3. We are meeting people in the community. We haven’t been out as much as I would have liked with Pokémon Go but the times we have it is really great to see others in our community and ask them if they are playing too. People are talking to each other. After what happened in Dallas, Minnesota, and Baton Rouge last week, this is a good thing. Who knew we would achieve world peace through Pokémon?

4. Because you can play Pokémon in the real world. This game is a great mix between the real world and the imaginary one. I love that. I love that we see Pokemon while out and about. That they show up in weird places.

5. The game gets us to explore. There are a lot of places around here that have a lot of Pokémon. This makes us want to go and explore them. While I don’t want to go anywhere I would think was unsafe just to get a Pokémon, going to see parts of our city that we normally wouldn’t is going to be a lot of fun. If you are new to a city, it would be a great way to get out and explore with your kids.

6. It’s free. While you can buy things in the game with real money, you don’t have to and I love that. I love that we can go out and do something fun together without having to spend any money to do so.

7. Pokemon Go has been good for mental health. I have seen quite a few articles about how this game is helping people with mental health issues like anxiety and depression and helping those with Autism. And that is a good thing.

Pokémon Go

8. Pokemon Go is opening up a door. I think we will see more and more technology like this come out into the world. I would love to see something like this for the Sims games or even Disney. The possibilities are endless.

9. New safety guidelines. This might be the push a lot of people need for more safety guidelines when it comes to phones and cars. Phones are not going anywhere and some states still allow you to drive and use them. Maybe the popularity of this game will help with laws and keeping people more aware of when they are on their phones? There are always going to be people who ignore these laws but if games like this are going to be the future, we need to be aware of how to use them safely, especially when the games involve our kids.

10. Communities. Did I mention this is getting people to talk to one another? Pokemon is getting people to create meetups. The game is bringing people together and that is a good thing.

So if you want to play Pokémon Go, go check the game out. Pokémon can be a lot of fun for you and your kids. Remember to never Pokémon while driving a car and be aware of the people around you. Stay away from places you are not sure about and make sure your kids know how to stay safe too.

Have you started playing Pokemon Go yet?