Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Julie

What to Expect When You Are A Military Spouse

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What to Expect When You Are A Military Spouse

What to Expect When You Are A Military Spouse

Each of us is on our own journey as a military spouse but at the same time, we all experience a lot of similar events and feelings to go with them. Although this “cycle” is not true for every military spouse out there, it is true for a lot of us. When you know what to expect during your time as a military spouse, the easier things are going to be.

Military Life Will Change You

Your Duty Station

As a new military spouse, your first introduction to military life is arriving at your first duty station. This could mean getting packed up after basic training and moving to your new home with your spouse or it could mean moving on post after your wedding even though you have lived in that area for a while. This could also mean having access to the post but living in an apartment or house off post. This will be the first time you see military life in action. You will start to understand how things work. You will learn about the Commissary, the PX, MWR, where the parks are, where your spouse will work and anything else to do being around the military. You will learn a lot at your first duty station. Everything will be new but you will figure things out.

Deployment News

Sometimes you will have a few months, others will have a few years but eventually, you will hear news of a deployment or other type of training your spouse will have to go to. For us, this happened right after we arrived at our first duty station. He deployed about five months later. It’s difficult to hear the news that your spouse is going to have to deploy. Preparing for the deployment is very emotional. Then you have to say goodbye and work hard to get through each and every day. You want to stay busy but you will still have that deployment ache, no matter how busy you are.

Starting A Deployment

 

Homecoming

Whether they are gone for just two months or for over a year, homecoming is going to be a great day. You will spend time getting ready, you will get butterflies, you will get nervous,  you will feel the sweet relief that only comes knowing they are no longer in a war zone. The time after deployment can be tricky but homecoming is the end of the separation and something to be celebrated.

End Of a Deployment, Military Homecoming

 

“Normal” life

After they get home there will be a period of time where you try to get back to “normal” life. You will work hard to get through the reintegration period. This period can be very difficult for some couples and it is important to find help if you need it. The military does offer some help right after they get home but make sure to ask for more if you and your spouse need it. There should be no shame in that. “Normal” life won’t look the way it did before. You have changed and so has he. It will never be like it was before the deployment. You will be changed.

Time to PCS

Unless you stay at the same duty station for longer than 2-3 years you will probably end up pcsing before he would deploy again. This time, you might move overseas or to the other side of the country. Maybe you will be closer to home or going to a part of the country you have anyways wanted to explore. Be excited! Look forward to where you are going. You will have to wait for orders and then they might get changed. You might think you are headed to Germany, you will plot out all the day trips you are going to take once you get there and then the orders will get changed to Florida and you won’t know what is going on. Plans change, especially when it comes to PCSing. You have to just go with it and be patient. Hurry up and wait.

Military Wife Makes Plans

 

Bye to Friends

With every PCS comes having to say goodbye to your friends. Those people who stood by you during the deployment, your neighbors, your children’s friends. It’s hard to say goodbye. And if you are not the one pcsing at the moment, your friends will be the ones to move. Military life is a never ending cycle of meeting new people and then having to say goodbye after a time. You never get used to doing this, you just find ways to make things a little easier on yourself when it does happen and you find ways to stay in touch when you are no longer living in the same place.

What to do before you PCS

 

Repeat

You are now at a new duty station and the process will start all over again. Only this time, when deployment orders come, you will know a little bit more about what to expect. You might have another child this time. You will be more seasoned and you will be able to offer advice to others. Right before our first deployment I was talking with my FRG leader and she explained a lot of what things would be like. At the time I had no idea. Now, ten years later I know a lot more then I did back then.

Military life is an adventure. Sometimes it is good and exciting, others times it disappoints and you are not sure how you are going to get through the next few months. Remember, things change. People change. Life changes. Where you are today will not be where you are next year or the year after. Make friends and work with your husband to get through any issues you are dealing with. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and be you as you navigate your military spouse journey.

Military Spouse is made of

 

 

Leave me a comment and let me know how long you have you been living the military spouse life?

Basic Invite Invitations, Announcements and Photo Cards

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Sponsored Post Graphic

 

 

 

When I was getting married we had to go into a store to pick out the right invitations, thank you cards and anything else we wanted printed for the wedding. These days you can order all of this online. Basic Invite is a great website to find the perfect stationery or photo card for your event or occasion. They are one of the only websites that allow you the customer almost unlimited color options with instant previews online. They have an impressive amount of designs and have a lot of different ideas for you to look through when trying to find the perfect card for your event or to send out to family and friends.

Basic Invite Stationary

On Basic Invite you can find Baby Shower invitations, birth announcements, first birthday invitations, graduation announcements, something for a Bar Mitzvah or Bat Mitzvah and more, even printables.

Basic Invite

Basic Invite

Once you go in and select the design that you want, you can change the color of each element in the card to over 160 different color options. You can truly make it look the way that you want. Another great feature of Basic Invite is that you can order a sample before you order all 500 of the invitations that you need. That way you can make sure they look exactly the way that you want them to.

Basic Invite

 

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Basic Invite also has over 40 different colors of envelopes. That way you can be as colorful as you want to be.  You can really make your invitation stand out. All of the envelopes are peel and seal so you don’t have to lick them which is a huge plus. That will save you a lot of time especially if you are sending out a lot of invitations.

If you are planning a wedding, birthday party, graduation or any other type of event, head on over to Basic Invite and see what they have to offer you. You will be glad that you did.

Basic Invite

 

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What do you need invitations or announcements for?

Do Military Spouses Have To Be SAHMs?

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Visit any military community and you are going to find plenty of SAHMs. From women that have always wanted to be one to those that simply can’t find a job in their field or can’t find a job that would pay enough for child care. With the busy schedule that comes with the career of someone in the military, it only makes sense to be a stay at home mom, right? If you marry someone in the military, you need to give up your own career to stay home with your children, right?

Wrong.

Do Military Spouses Have To Be SAHMs?

Although there are a lot of SAHMs military spouses and I have been one of them, not all military spouses want to be SAHMs or have ever been one. They have careers and work hard to bring in their own income. Some spouses work from home in order to have the flexibility to move their career around with them.

Some spouses work hard to find the right job at every duty station. Other spouses are in school, planning for when military life is over. And others take on their role as an SAHM and do wonderful things with it.

No, military spouses do not have to be SAHMs, even though some of them are. Yes, they can work outside the home or at home and create their own careers. As a spouse, you need to figure out what you want and what is going to work best for your situation.

You know your family and what you can personally handle. Some people thrive leaving the house at 7am and getting home at 6pm after a day at work, other people would fall apart if they had to have that type of schedule.

If you are a SAHM spouse and you enjoy it, keep going. You are doing great things.

If you are a SAHM spouse and wish you were doing something else, start looking for what that is today. Look into college classes and job openings and WAHM ideas. Think about what you like to do and what you are good at and go from there. You might end up in a field you would never have thought about.

If you need to be a SAHM for a small period of time, do it. If you want to work outside the home and can’t seem to find a job in your field, don’t give up. Keep looking and find resources to help you find the job that you want. Here are some links that can point you in the right direction:

Being married to someone in the military requires sacrifice and sometimes that means the spouse’s career. That does not mean a spouse has to give up who they are what they want to do. It just might look a little different than it would otherwise.

I am in such awe of what I have heard other military spouses do with their careers while married to a member of the military. From starting home businesses to continuing their law or teaching careers even though they are moving state to state. Military spouses can be anything, do anything, they just have to figure out what will work best for their own situation.

What about you? Are you a SAHM? Do you have a different goal? What are you working on right now?

You Sent Them To War, Don’t Cut Our Benefits

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Military cuts are in the news these days and they sting when they hit close to home. Sometimes I get really angry about it. From my limited understanding and after being a military spouse for the last ten years it seems like there are other places they could cut. I wonder why they even go after programs that can help military families? We are the ones that are supporting our service member. We are the ones waiting back at home while they complete their mission. If you send them to war, why do you think it is okay to cut our benefits?

You Sent Them To War, Don't Cut Our Benefits

 

If it was up to me I would ensure that every military family has what they need. When it comes to the people I want to vote for, I look for those that want these things too. They are important to me as a military spouse and I think they are important to you too.

Good Medical Care

I know how hard it can be to find good and affordable health insurance but one of the benefits of being in the Military is that you do get healthcare for you and your family and for good reason. If you are off in a war zone, you want to know your family is going to be taken care of. The problem is, cuts always seem to come to Tricare and they hurt. Currently, they want to cut ABA. Not good. We used ABA for our son and we were so thankful for that care. I hate that people think they should be cutting those services. It’s also frustrating to hear when people have trouble getting help for their kids or care for themselves because of different cuts that have been happening. Military families should not have to worry about healthcare.

Good Schools

All military children should have access to good schools. Whether this means on post or off post. If the schools in the area around post are not a good place to send a child, there should be a way for parents to take their children to the on post schools.  I think parents should feel good about the schools their kids are able to go to. On post schools should be very aware of who their students are. Switching zoning around every year is simply not a good idea. Military kids move often anyway, why make them change schools in between a tour? I have heard stories of situations happening in on post schools and it doesn’t make a lot of sense why they are doing what they do. Our experience with off post schools has been good overall here but that isn’t always the case with military families. Having a lot of resources that can help military families find the right school is a good thing.

Good Support

Hearing that services like the MWR or ACS are being cut makes me sad. Military spouses and families need extra support, especially during deployments. We need access to events to pass the time, places to learn and childcare. That can help the spouse get through a challenging time as well as providing a place to make new friends.  While there are other ways to make friends and find support in the military community, it is a good thing to have these services for spouses and I hate to see them being cut because of lack of funds. This makes me think that those who are in charge of what is being cut have no idea what these services can do for military spouses.

Good Housing

All military families should be able to live in safe and affordable housing. It doesn’t have to be brand new or really big, it just needs to be safe and a good place for people to raise their families. Each family usually has a choice about if they want to live on post or off post. This is something to really think about. There are positives and negatives to both. The military does have some checks for finding places off post. Some rentals are blacklisted which is helpful for knowing who to stay away from when looking for a place to rent. There have been horror stories of on post living where people have gotten sick or have been put in run down housing that has not been taken care of. This is not okay. Military families should always have a comfortable place to live.

Military families

When I think of what our family has gone through and what other families have gone through I know that this military life is full of stressful situations. I know that sending someone to war is a challenging and emotional thing to have to do and that benefits make such a big difference to the morale of the families. I just hope that if the military does need to make cuts it will not be at the expense of the military family.

 

 

When Moving Back To The United States From Overseas Is Hard

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We have been back from Germany a little over six years now. It was quite the change to go from a small village in Germany to Clarksville, Tennessee and the USA. I was so ready to be back in the states after four years. I think I kissed the ground when I got off the plane. I was home.

When moving back to the US from overseas is hard

Being stationed overseas is a dream for a lot of people. A chance to see another part of the world, to explore and to open up to other ways of living. The military can send a family that has never been out of the midwest and allow them the chance of a lifetime. But hardly anyone can stay overseas forever. I have some friends that have been able to stay for five-ten years but most people do come back to the states and have to figure out American life again.

That first week back was like living in a dream. Nothing seemed real. Nothing was familiar. Everything was confusing and it took some time to get used to living back in the United States. I think it took about two years before I stopped asking if a certain place accepted a credit card. “Yes Julie, most places do.”

This can be a challenging time. Some people are able to bounce back rather quickly and others have difficulty doing so. If you are getting ready for a move back home from an overseas location, this is what you might experience:

The Culture

When you live overseas you learn to live in another culture. Even if you live on post and don’t explore as much as you should. It is still all around you. You get used to the slower pace, the way the people are, the things they value. You become a part of it as well. Then you move back and you realize how different it can really be. There is a thing called “reverse culture shock.” This is when you come back from another culture and have trouble getting used to the culture you were raised in. You can also struggle with missing certain things so much that you think they are better than they really are. Once you get home and have them again, there is a bit of a let down because you were expecting something a lot better.

pcs to germany

The Military Community

The military community overseas is very different from the military community stateside. Overseas is more tight-knit. It has to be. People are not going home on the weekends. It is hard to have a life outside of the military. You have to depend on the military for a lot of things like your mail, American food and even education for your children. If you live off-post in the states you don’t have to depend on the military for as much. If there is a deployment, the community really bands together to get through it. It is different in the states. When you move back you will feel that loss and it can be a hard one. You no longer have your community. The one that helped get you through your struggles, the one you had fun with and explored another country with, the one who understood what it was like to be so far from home. That is hard to get over and hard to get back into military life without as tight of a community.

Spending Money

In most places overseas you don’t have as many choices. When I visited California in 2009, I stopped at a grocery store on the way home from the airport. I needed to buy some diapers. I stood in that aisle for about 20 minutes because I had the hardest time with all the choices. Back in Germany, there were only a couple choices for diapers. In the grocery store I was in, there were, at least, ten, maybe more. I couldn’t even wrap my mind around what I was looking at. In the states, you have a lot more choices from where to shop to where to eat. It can feel so overwhelming and it is easy to overspend. You also lose your COLA which is your cost of living allowance that you get while stationed overseas. This can be hard for some families. They say not to depend on that money when you are getting it but most people do anyway.

Feeling too Busy

A lot of overseas living is much slower paced than in the states. Where we were in Bavaria most places were closed on Sundays and they had a lot of holidays. You were not even allowed to wash your car on Sundays. When we moved back to the states life felt so busy. There was always so much more going on. Some of that I think was because my son didn’t start Kindergarten until after we moved back but I think the other part was just how much more relaxed things can be in other places. This can take some time to get used to as well because it is just a different way to live your life. In Germany, if go out to eat you have to hunt down your server when you are ready to pay. In the states, most places want to rush you out as soon as they can. It is all very different.

stationed in germany

Coming back to the states from an overseas tour is going to be complicated. Give yourself some time to adjust. Try to remember that you will find your place even if it takes a while. We have been back for six years and although I miss parts of my time in Germany, I feel used to the US now. It took a while but we got to that point. I am used to living here again. And you will get there too.

Have you struggled coming back from an overseas tour? What was the hardest part for you?

Should You Ask Your Spouse To Get Out Of The Military?

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When it comes to re-enlisting the decision needs to be between the military member and their spouse. They need to talk about the pros and the cons and what life would be like if they stayed in or if they got out of the military.

Should You Ask Your Spouse To Get Out Of The Military?

Should you ask your spouse to get out of the military? Is that the right thing to do? What if you feel like you want military life to be over but they do not? What if they see 20 years and you can barely see how you will make it through the next 20 months until their ETS date?

The answer to this question is a complicated one. In some situations, yes you should and in others it is best to figure out tips to get through military life instead.

How do you know what you should do?

Communicate

The number one thing to do is communicate your feelings to your spouse. Let them know how you are feeling, why you feel the way you do and what you think you two should do when it comes to their military career. Ask your spouse questions about their career, their goals and where they see themselves five or ten years down the road. It’s possible that they want to leave the military too. Talking things out can put you two on the same page or can help you understand why you don’t see eye to eye.

Think of your family

Life after the military can be hard and stressful. Is your family ready for that? Do you bring in an income now? Will you be willing to work to bring in more income if they get out? Do you have kids that need the extra benefits you get from the military? Would it be better for them to have their Dad or Mom around all the time instead? There is a lot to think about when trying to decide on if your spouse should get out of the military and sometimes that doesn’t even depend on what you and your spouse are experiencing but it depends on what your family is going through and what they need.

Think of your emotional health

I used to think that everyone could make it through military life. That everyone could handle a deployment. But then we went through our 4th deployment and it almost broke me. It was something I had never felt before. I realized that although there is a lot you can do to make it through a difficult situation, sometimes it might be too hard to keep going. Sometimes you will need an extra level of help and sometimes that help is going to be having a spouse that is no longer in the military.

Think of their career

If you and your spouse decided they would join the military together or if you like us decided to give it three years and see what it happens, that is going to be a different situation then if you met your spouse in the middle of their military career or if the long term plan was to be in for at least twenty years. This doesn’t mean things won’t change but I think the situations are so different and do make a difference when it comes to whether your spouse will want to stay in or not. I have met some strong women who have stood by their husbands as military spouses for the last twenty or thirty years. I admire them and I wonder if that could have been me. If my husband really wanted to stay in the Army, if he really wanted to move forward with it, would I have been able to handle that? Or would I have had to ask him to get out and do something else.

Military life is hard. For some, it feels impossible. Regardless of how much their spouse wants this for a career, it might not be the best thing long term. If you are a spouse that is struggling, know that your feelings are valid. You have a lot to talk with your spouse about. You have some decisions to make together. I wish you good luck as you try to figure out how much the military will be a part of your futures.

Have you ever been in this situation where you felt like you wanted to ask your spouse to not re-enlist and get out of the military? How did you come to that decision?

3 Things That Will Bother You After Military Life Is Over

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3 Things That Will Bother You After Military Life Is Over

In June, it will be two years since my husband left Active Duty Army. He didn’t retire either. He was at 10 years and the day after he joined the National Guard.

After military life Is Over

They say that you miss things once military life is over. I will admit, I didn’t want to believe people when they said this. I knew we were staying in a military town so I knew I would still be able to make friends with others living the military life. I knew that I would still have access to post because of where we lived and our National Guard status. I knew we would still have Tricare and that some of our medical services would not change even if we had to pay for them. I knew all of this and yet at almost two years there are things I miss about active duty life.

Because of where we live most of my friends are married to people in the active duty army. They are living that life. The life we are no longer living. They might live near me and their kids go to the same school mine do but they are in a different part of the military world than I am. They remind me of what I miss.

As I thought about writing this post there were three things that bother me now that active duty life is over:

  • The paycheck– Yes, we miss the paycheck. When you get out of the military as an Infantryman there are only so many things you can do. Even if you do find a job paying exactly the same amount as you did in the military, it is still less then. Why? Because you get taxed on your whole paycheck. In the military, you do not get taxed on your BAH or BAS. You don’t get taxed on deployed income and in some states you don’t have to pay state taxes. Luckily we live in TN so we don’t worry about that here either way. This is something I never saw talked about before we got out but it is something to think about when your spouse is looking for what they will do after the military.
  • Tricare- If your first experience with health care was Tricare, you might not realize how hard it can be to find affordable health care out there in the world. Even if your employer provides it. For us, we have Tricare Reserve Select and pay about $300 a month for our family for Medical and Dental. This was a change from having Tricare Prime for the last ten years. Luckily we have not had any big medical issues since he got out but I am sure we would be paying more out of pocket if we did. Tricare has a lot of issues and can be very frustrating at times but I am going to miss having Tricare when my husband leaves the National Guard. Health insurance is a great benefit that the military receives and deserves so when active duty life is over it can be a challenge to find something else that works.
  • PCS dreams. This feels a bit silly but I miss the dreaming about where we can PCS to next. Yes, it is true you can move anywhere if you are not in the military but that isn’t always easy to do. In military life, you get to live many different places. Sometimes you are happy about those places and sometimes you are not. I will admit that it scares me to think about moving to a place that is not a military community. Where people don’t move all the time, where people have never served and where people don’t get what it is like to go through a deployment.  I also think having to say goodbye to people all the time is difficult and I find myself wishing we could go with them. At the end of the day, I know we have a good long term plan and there are quite a few previous military in our area as well as non-military families too. It’s a good place for now.

Getting out of the military can bring up a lot of emotions for both the military member and their spouse. There is a lot to think about and there is a lot you are going to have to go through before you get to a good place.

Has your spouse left the military? What was the hardest part about it for you?

Want a free Guide for the First 30 Days of a Deployment???

Perfectly Posh Review and $50 Giveaway

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perfectly posh review

Have you all heard of Perfectly Posh?

Perfectly Posh is a direct sales company that sells bath and body pampering products such as soaps, lotions, face scrubs and more. They have many different great smelling products.

All products are naturally-based, cruelty-free, certified sustainable and made in the USA.

perfectly post review

Perfectly Posh can also be a great way for Military spouses to make an income. With moving more often, having to be home with the kids in a lot of cases, Perfectly Posh can be a way to bring more money into the home while having fun doing it. Consultants earn commissions based on sales, starting at 20%. There is a lot of support as well as no fees, free websites, no inventory requirements. If you are interested you can visit Laura Pyne’s site as she is an Independent Consultant and would love to have you on her team. She also loves to host Facebook parties or fundraisers.

perfectly post review

You should also head to her site to see all the great products Perfectly Posh has to offer. They always have the deal where you buy 5, get one free. Sweet, huh?

perfectly posh reviewLaura sent me a few samples too.

perfectly posh review

I have been having fun trying these products. I love love the Girl’s Gone Green Aloe and Green Tea body butter and the Easy Peasy Chunk bar. Love the citrus scent that it has. The Big Fat yummy hand cream is great too. I love all the cute names all the products have and how many different scents they offer so everyone can find something they like.

How about a giveaway?

Laura will be giving a $50 gift certificate to her Perfectly Posh site to one of my readers. How fun is that? Just enter by answering this question in the comments:

Have you tried Posh before? What is your favorite product?

Giveaway has ended and Allyson Tice is my winner! 

I was provided free product in hopes of a review