Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Julie

Why You Should or Shouldn’t Move Home During a Deployment

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Should you move home during a deployment?

Your spouse has just received orders for a nine-month deployment. You have a 20-month-old and you are six weeks pregnant with your second child. You just moved to your duty station and don’t have very many friends around. What should you do? Go home? That might be a smart choice.

Sometimes spouses do go home for a deployment. They either move out of their current housing or just plan to leave it for a while. They move back in with their parents for the deployment. There are plenty of benefits to this but also some reasons why you shouldn’t.

So, why should you move home during a deployment?

  • For extra family support. If you move home, you will not be alone. You will most likely be living with other adults and they can help you and your children. They can be there for you on the harder days and help keep you busy. Being with family during deployment can make the time pass by quickly.
  • For familiarity. Being home again can feel like a comfortable blanket. You know where everything is. You know what you can do for fun and you can take your kids around to all the places you used to visit when you lived there. You can see friends you have known for a long time and it can be a great place to spend the months that your spouse is going to be away.
  • For safety reasons. Living alone can be scary, even if you live in a nice neighborhood. Staying with family can make you feel safer while your spouse is gone. You don’t have to worry about being in a home all by yourself. Being in a home with other people can take away that fear. There is enough to be afraid of during deployments that your home shouldn’t be one of those fears.

Moving home isn’t an option for everyone. Some spouses do not have family to go home to or don’t want to be with them for the deployment. Others find the military community so great of an asset that they can’t see leaving it. During our second deployment, I took my two boys and we stayed with my parents for about three months over the summer. This was mostly because I wanted a break from Germany and it helped speed up the deployment. We had a great time having fun in Southern California and it was great to spend so much time with my parents especially since we lived so far away from them.

Here is why you shouldn’t move home during a deployment:

  • Loss of military community. Unless home is in a military community too, you will lose access to it during the deployment which is the time you need it most. You won’t be able to attend FRG meetings or meet up with other spouses who are going through a deployment. You might start feeling very disconnected to the whole thing yet still feel the sadness of the deployment. This can be hard for some people.
  • Housing. Sometimes if you leave your housing for too long you can lose it. You might not be able to come back to the same home. You might have to go back on a waiting list or find a new house after he gets back from deployment. If your kids are in school you might have to take them out if you are not homeschooling. It can be tricky to uproot your kids more often than you need to.
  • Not bonding with other spouses. There is something that happens when you go through a deployment with someone else. You bond in a way that you can’t bond with other people. If you are not living in the community it will be hard for you to meet other spouses and bond with them. This might mean that you give up a great opportunity to start friendships that will last forever.

There is no one right answer to the question about if you should go home for a deployment or not. Some people do and have a great experience, others regret it. You have to decide what is best for you and your own family.

Have you gone home for a deployment? For a long visit or for the whole time? How did it work out for you?

When You Have Special Needs Kids With A Spouse In The Military

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Having special needs kids adds an extra level of stress and hardship to a family. It simply isn’t easy when you have kids that require a little bit more help than others. Add military life onto that and sometimes it can feel like too much.

When You Have Special Needs Kids With A Spouse In The Military

We didn’t know we had special needs kids when my husband joined the military in 2005. Our son was 13 months old and it wasn’t until he was about 2.5 year’s old that he was diagnosed as developmentally delayed. We were in Germany at the time and my husband was deployed.

Our 2nd little boy was diagnosed with Asperger’s at the age of five in 2012. We were at Ft. Campbell when this happened.

I am not sure what we would have done if we had known we would have two special needs kids during our time as a military family. Would we have decided it would have been too stressful? Would the benefits we knew we would receive cause us to join anyway? It’s so hard to say.

Over the years I have experienced what it is like to solo parent with special needs kids, to have to figure out who can watch my son when I don’t have family close by and how to make it through the unpredictability of this type of life with kids who don’t quite understand what is going on. It’s difficult and even though my husband is not active duty anymore, I am still trying to figure it all out.

When you do have special needs kids in the military, you need a good support system.

You will need people in your life you can call and depend on. Some days will be very difficult and knowing you have someone to call, even to just talk to is a must. If you don’t know anyone local, find someone you are close to that doesn’t mind a phone call every now and then. Just talking to someone who loves you and your children can help you get through a difficult period. Stay away from people who are just going to judge you. They are not worth your time and you shouldn’t spend too much energy worrying about what they are doing.

When you are married to someone in the military, there will be times that you have to be a solo parent, special needs or not.

It is so important that you take care of yourself during this time. Look and see what they have in your community or what you can do to help yourself. It might not be an easy thing to do and each person is going to have to figure it out but is so important. Even if it means taking a bubble bath after all the children are asleep, or binge watching a tv show or going to get coffee with a friend when everyone is at school. Find something to help you focus on yourself, even if it is just for ten minutes a day. You are a caregiver and all caregivers need breaks now and then.

You also need to make sure you are receiving the right benefits for your child. I was so thankful that when my son was first diagnosed with Asperger’s that we were able to start ABA therapy right away. This is a very expensive therapy but luckily Tricare paid for most of it. You need to be aware of changes with health care for your special needs child. They don’t always cover everything you need and sometimes you will have to fight for it. Sadly, some military benefits get taken away and that can hurt your special needs child.

Find other moms of special needs kids to connect with, either in person or online.

Being able to talk with others trying to raise their special needs kids in the military lifestyle is going to be good for you. You can vent together and help each other out. Some people know more than you do about the hurdles you might have to jump over in order to get what your child needs. EFMP, ABA, IEP, 504, etc, there are so many terms that are hard to understand. Talking to others who have been through it can help you understand more about the special needs military world and can become your support system.

Don’t let having special needs kids scare you if you are also a military spouse. Know that you are not alone and there is help out there for you. Know that you will have challenges but you can make it, one day at a time if you have to. Don’t forget about your own needs and find some good friends to support you.

Have you struggled having special needs children while having a spouse in the military? What have you done to make things easier for your family?

 

 

 

LuLaRoe Review and Giveaway

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LuLaRoe Giveaway

Have you heard of LuLaRoe? It’s a new direct sales company and it is gaining more and more popularity every day. I was recently able to review my first LuLaRoe item and I am very excited to share what I think with you. I will also be offering a giveaway for your own LuLaRoe set. Yay!

I was sent the Irma Tunic and a pair of leggings to go with it. This is the first time I have ever seen LuLaRoe in person. I have heard a lot of great things about the clothing and how soft and comfortable the clothing is. I was not disappointed. My leggings are SO soft. I love it. I have regular yoga pants but these are something else altogether. They are soft and fit well. The tunic was a pretty color of teal and is also very comfortable.

lularoe

LuLaRoe was created by a woman by the name of DeAnne Stidham. She was a single mom and wanted to be able to be home with her kids and still make an income. She started liquidating end of season dresses to friends and family and LuLaRoe grew from there.

This is from the main LuLaRoe website…

I believe in you and you can do it are the basic principles guiding LuLaRoe today. The ethos of the company was borne out of DeAnne’s desire to share her experiences and to provide her family and others a foundation for personal success.

LuLaRoe exists to provide an opportunity for people to create freedom by selling comfortable, affordable, stylish clothing, and offering its consultants the independence to set their own pace and schedule. This creates the time to spend with those closest to them, the very thing DeAnne had once desired for herself!

I was given my LuLaRoe for review by Alexandra Lewis. She has her own group on Facebook that you must join.

LLR-Product-Description-Irma

 

LLR-Product-Description-Leggings

The thing to know about this company is that there is a limited supply of every print. The consultants carry the inventory and that is how you shop for what you want. That is why you should join her group if you are interested. It is the way to buy the prints that you want. She can also help you look for certain prints that might be hard to find.

Now for the giveaway. Alexandra will be giving away one “mystery outfit,” Irma and leggings to one of my readers. You would just let her know the size that you need.

Enter using the Rafflecopter below 🙂

a Rafflecopter giveaway

* I was provided with free product in hopes of a review!

The Red Door Inn Book Review

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The Red Door Inn by Liz Johnson

The Red Door Inn Book Review

Have you heard of Liz Johnson? She is an author that writes inspirational romance and I have been able to review a few of her books in the past. A Promise to Protect and Vanishing Act. This past week she just came out with her latest book, The Red Door Inn.

From Amazon…

Marie Carrington is broke, desperate, and hoping to find sanctuary on Prince Edward Island while decorating a renovated bed-and-breakfast. Seth Sloane moved three thousand miles to help restore his uncle’s Victorian B and B–and to forget about the fiancée who broke his heart. He wasn’t expecting to have to babysit a woman with a taste for expensive antiques and a bewildering habit of jumping every time he brushes past her.

The only thing Marie and Seth agree on is that getting the Red Door Inn ready to open in just two months will take everything they’ve got–and they have to find a way to work together. In the process, they may find something infinitely sweeter than they ever imagined on this island of dreams.

I have always had a thing for Prince Edward Island. I loved the show Road to Avonlea and decided I needed to go there someday. So when I heard that Liz Johnson’s newest book was going to take place there, I knew I had to read it.

The book was a great story with a great setting. I could picture myself there on the island. Standing in front of the Red Door Inn. I enjoyed reading about Marie, Seth and Jack. They were each different and dealing with their own struggles.

The book was more than just a love story but a story about trusting others and finding hope after something bad has happened to you. If you are a fan of inspirational fiction or just love a good story, you will enjoy this book.

You can purchase the Red Door Inn on Amazon and enter to win a copy on Goodreads 🙂

  • I was provided a free book for review and this post does contain affiliate links! 

10 Reasons Why I Love Being A Milspouse Blogger

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We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men. ~Herman Melville

10 Reasons Why I Love Being A Milspouse Blogger

It wasn’t until 2009 that I realized that there was a Milspouse blogging community. Although I had joined an online forum for Military spouses when my husband joined in 2005, I didn’t realize that there were so many amazing spouses out there writing about the same type of experiences I was having. It was refreshing to see. I started my blog and soon found others and it grew from there.

After six years as a Milspouse blogger, there is a lot to love about being a part of this community. I have seen it grow over the years and I feel like it is in a very good place these days. There are a lot of talented spouses out there that have a blog that you can read and connect with.

Here are 10 reasons why I love being a Milspouse Blogger…

  1. I can get my thoughts out. One of the reasons I decided to start a Military Spouse blog was because I wanted a place to share my thoughts with others. Blogging is the best way to do that. I can write and share with people who can understand what I am trying to say.
  2. I can connect with others spouses in all branches of the Military. We live in a city with an Army post so most of the Military spouse friends I make here have spouses in the Army. It is the Milspouse blogging world that allows me to get to know other spouses whose husband represents a different branch. They help me understand the differences between the branches and helps me see that we are all spouses of someone in the Military and go through a lot of the same situations, even if we call them different names.
  3. I can share my photos. Photography is a passion of mine. By being a blogger I have a place to share some of the photos whether it is on my blog or through social media. I love being able to share the pictures I have taken over the years of all the places we have been and have lived.
  4. I can help other people not feel as alone. I love to hear when people can connect to my writing and have been in the same place. It helps me know that I am helping other people with my words. That the difficult situations I have been through can help someone else get through their own struggles.
  5. I can work from home. Blogging and the opportunities I have gained from it allow me to work from home. I can be there for my boys when they need me to be, we don’t have to pay for daycare and I can have a career that works for me.
  6. I don’t feel as alone. When I am reading blog posts from others and can relate to what they are saying, it allows me to not feel as alone. Whether it is a post about missing my spouse or what to do after Army life is over, it is nice to hear what other people have to say about similar situations that I have been through too.
  7. I learn something new every day. Whether it is a tip about blogging or something to do with Military life, I feel like other bloggers and the Military blogging community is always teaching me something new. This is a good thing and it is a great way to grow as a person and as a blogger.
  8. The Military becomes a smaller world. Because I have met people through blogging who have been stationed all over the world, the Military family seems a bit smaller. I can gain perspectives on different experiences even though I have never lived them myself.
  9. It gives me a place to create. Sometimes I get these ideas in my head. My blog is a place to create and figure out different ways of doing things. I always have some idea going on in my head, my blog gives me a place to put it somewhere. Even if I don’t hit publish on everything I do.
  10. I am more aware of what is going on in Military news. When something comes out in the news about the Military, the Military blogging community is always talking about it. By being in this community, I feel like I never miss out on any of it. Always a good thing to be aware of what is going on in your own community.

Are you in the Milspouse blogger too? What is your link? I would love to check it out.

The Reality of Solo Parenting

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The Reality of Solo Parenting

You know that your spouse will have to be away from you when they join the Military. You know that you will have to be alone with the kids. However, nothing can ever prepare you for what solo parenting will be like, how you will be able to handle the time away from your spouse and how hard it will be when they have to leave for months at a time.

The reality of solo parenting is that it will be one of the hardest things you will ever have to go through.

November 2005. That was the first time I was ever a solo parent. My son was 13 months old and my husband left for Germany. Assuming we would join him within a couple of months. Up until that time my husband had been there for everything. Every. Single. Thing. He worked a job where he left the house about 8:30 and was home about 6:30. He had the weekends off. Up until that time, the only days we had been apart were when I took my son down to my parent’s house for about a week.

But November 2005, all that changed when he joined the Army. I wasn’t naive and I knew I would have to be a solo parent. I knew he would be away sometimes.

I knew I would have to do it alone. However, I had no idea how hard that would really be.

I assumed it would be a bit easier than it has been. I was a babysitter for years, I knew how to handle children, right? Sure, I would have to do more but I could handle it, right? I would just have to find a good routine and we would be good, it would be like he wasn’t even gone. Right?

Wrong. That’s not how it went. Not for me anyways. We had adventures, we had good days filled with happy times with friends but at the end of the day it was me, solo with the kids. Me, doing everything that most households split.

Me, in charge, all day and all night.

It was me, pregnant me and a two-year-old. It was me, with a newborn and a husband in a war zone. It was me, trying to plan the days and the nights and weekends alone. It was me, trying to get through everything that I had to because my husband was a soldier. It was me who depended on friends and others because my own family was so far away.

The reality of solo parenting is that it is difficult and some days it does not feel like you will make it through. Other days will make you feel like you are failing this whole parenting thing. There is simply not enough patience or energy to do it all, there just isn’t. I have spent plenty of nights crying myself to sleep over everything. The exhaustion and the worry and the helplessness.

When you solo parent you end up becoming a different type of parent then you would be otherwise.

You don’t worry about certain things and you overstress about others. Like how much your kids are missing their father and if that will hurt them down the road. You might let them stay up a little too late or order pizza too many times.

The good thing about solo parenting in a military community is that other people get it. They understand and they have been there too. Other people can relate and know how difficult it can be to have to be mom and dad to your kids each and everyday.

For me personally, my solo parenting days are coming to an end. This makes me very happy. Although my children are older now and we are almost at the teen years, I am glad I don’t have to do them alone. I know that there are some that spend 20+ years in this life and they are able to do it with grace. Had that been my road, I am not sure if I could have handled it but who really knows? You never know how strong you really are until your faced with having to be as strong as possible.

I hope that what I have learned as a solo parent over the last 11 years can help me encourage others. I have been through it with babies, toddlers, preschoolers, school aged children and now a tween. Each stage comes with its own set of challenges. Each year was different. And when my husband has been home and we have been a two parent household, life got a little easier. I hung onto those times through the months of separation that left me as the only parent in the home.

My best advice is to take it one day at time, one hour at a time if you need to. Make plans, stay busy and find friends who get it. Know that you are not alone and that you won’t always be in this particular situation. Life goes on, children grow and things change. Be as strong as you can be and don’t be afraid to ask for help along the way.

Military Life

Are you in a season of solo parenting? What is the hardest part about it for you?

Power Your Morning And My WAHM Morning Routine

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Nature Valley Cereal

They say that having a good routine is a must if you work from home. This is true. I have a lot to do each day and I want to start things off right. I want to power my morning so I can get through the rest of the day.

I usually get up between 4:30-5:00am. It depends on how tired I am. Sometimes I hit the snooze a few times. I get up, feed the dog, take a shower and get myself ready. I want to do all of this before my boys wake up.

After that, I make some coffee and get breakfast ready for myself. Then I sit at my computer and start my day. I start off checking email and then scheduling my Facebook posts as well as checking in on Twitter and usually sharing something on Instgram. I then make sure the boys are up around 6am.

I find this a good time of day to do those blogging tasks because I can do them while I am eating and helping the boys get ready for school. They are pretty good about doing what they need to do to get ready but they do need reminders, especially the five-year-old.

By 7:30 my two older boys are out the door. We leave for preschool a little bit later. After all the boys are in school my work day can really begin.

Nature Valley Cereal

Since I get up so early and lunch seems so far away I want to try to eat something that will keep me from feeling hungry and that is healthy for me. I am a big fan of cereal and I think Nature Valley Cereal is a good choice if you want to Power Your Morning and get off to a good start.

Nature Valley Cereal starts with the best ingredients from nature like 100% whole grain oats and honey. The cereal is packed with nutrients and protein, which can help fuel your morning. You can find Nature Valley Cereal in Baked Oat Bites, Honey Oat Clusters and Chocolate Oat Clusters.

Would you like to try some Nature Valley Cereal? You can print off a $1 off Nature Valley Cereal coupon to use at Publix to try the two delicious flavors and find your new go-to snack! From 2/25 to 3/2, the coupon will validate a BOGO offer as well.

Nature Valley Cereal

I also have a $15 Paypal cash giveaway going on!

Want to enter?

1. Go to Nature Valley Cereal and see the three new products.

2. Grab your $1.00 off coupon.

3. Come back here and tell me what flavor you would want to buy in the comment section.

I will pick one lucky winner. Giveaway starts now, February 18th and will go until March 2nd.

Good Luck 🙂

10 Tips For A Better Military Marriage

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10 Tips For A Better Military Marriage

Marriage can be hard, especially when your spouse is never home. I have been there. Military life is difficult and you need all the help you can get to help figure out the best tips for a better Military marriage.

Here are 10 tips I have to share about how to have a better Military marriage.

My husband has been in the Military in some form for the last ten years. We have three children, he has been deployed four times, we have moved about six times and have lived in five different cities.

Being in a Military marriage can add an extra level of stress to a marriage. Not all Military marriages make it through, but a lot of them do. There are a lot of great love stories between someone in the Military and their spouse. Military marriage is never perfect, what marriage is? But they do take a lot of work.

Here are some tips for a better Military marriage…

  • Be there for each other- This is the #1 thing you can do. Just be there. Over the course of your marriage, each of you will need each other in different ways. Checking in with one another is a great way to learn what is going on with your spouse and figuring out what they need from you at the moment.
  • Don’t assume anything- Assuming will get you into trouble. If you are not sure about something, just ask. This is your spouse, you should feel comfortable doing so. This is why communicating is so important. I think a lot of our struggles over the years have come from assuming different things about each other. The more we talk about how we are feeling about what is going on in our lives, the better we can move forward.
  • Don’t get jealous- This is hard, especially if your spouse is gone a lot. Other people get to be in the same place as your spouse and you don’t get to be. Try not to let it bother you. Talk things out if something doesn’t seem right. Remember, they are married to you and that is who they will be coming home to as soon as it is possible to do so.
  • Put yourself in their shoes- This is always a good thing to do. You never know what someone is going through or if you would act the same way if you were in their shoes. When your husband is deployed, try to imagine what it would be like to be him. To have to leave home for so long, trusting you with his home, his children and even his finances. It is a strange thing to think about sometimes.
  • Remember to trust– I really believe that in order to get through a deployment you need to have a lot of trust. I see it as this invisible thread that connects you. You just have to trust your spouse even when they are across the world. Without that trust, everything falls apart.
  • Talk things out- If you are angry with your spouse, talk it out. Stay up all night if you have to. I am not going to tell you to never go to bed angry because sometimes that happens, especially if you are only talking on a phone and someone has to go. Sometimes sleeping on an issue is a good idea. It just depends on the situation.
  • Hold hands- Keep holding hands, kiss often, give each other hugs. Doing this will bring your closer and remind you of when you first met. It’s a simple way to show your spouse you are still in it with them.
  • Date- Regular dates with your spouse are a great idea but they are not always possible. Sometimes they are just gone too much or working all the time. Other times you have small children and finding a babysitter feels impossible. Do what you can to date your spouse. Make a lunch date while kids are in school, plan a nice dinner after the kids go to bed, go on a walk with your baby in a stroller. Think about the different ways you can have a date even if it isn’t on a regular basis.
  • Tell them you love them- Don’t ever stop telling your spouse that you love them. Say it before you hang up the phone and before you go to bed each night. Write them a love letter. Speak their love language so they always know that you care.
  • Be silly with each other- Laugh, flirt, be silly when you can. There is something about laughing together with my husband after all these years that I just love.

When you are married to someone in the Military, it might be a bit harder to stay connected when they are away but that doesn’t mean your marriage will fall apart. If both of you can work on your marriage, if you can trust each other, you can get through anything Military life throws at you.

What would you add to this list for a better Military marriage?