Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Military Life

When is The Best Time For a Military Family To Have a Baby?

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When is The Best Time For a Military Family To Have a Baby?

When is The Best Time For a Military Family To Have a Baby?

We started this military journey with one little boy. Over the years we added two more and many times I wonder what we would have done had we started this journey without any children.

As you probably already know, when you have children as a military family you will be a solo parent, at least some of the time. You know that your spouse can miss the birth of your child, your pregnancy, and the terrible twos.

The truth is, a lot of military couples end up having children, at least after a couple of years. And they have them despite the stresses of military life. But when is the best time for a military family to have a baby? Should you even try to plan?

When we got pregnant with our 2nd little boy, we knew my husband would probably be deployed when he was born. We knew that a deployment was in the future but we also wanted to have another baby. The timing worked for us in every other way.

During our 1st deployment, I had friends who got pregnant over R&R, assuming their husband would be back home a few months before the birth. In the end, the Dads came home to two-month-olds because the deployment got extended.

The truth is, you can’t plan to have a baby around military life.

Missions, deployments, and orders change all of the time. What you think is going to happen will probably change during the nine months of your pregnancy. If you try to plan for your spouse to be home with you during the birth, things could change and they could be gone anyway, despite the best type of planning.

If you plan to get pregnant right after deployment, you will improve the chances that they will not be deployed when the baby is born but none of that is foolproof. For one thing, they could deploy again. For another, they could have to go to some type of training and be gone anyway.

Sometimes it takes you longer to get pregnant than you think

Even if you got pregnant pretty quickly in the past, that might not be the case in the future. Infertility can cause extra stress when it comes to planning around the military.

If you have a spouse that comes and goes a lot, you could keep missing the window to get pregnant and that can be frustrating. There is a lot to think about when deciding to have a child under this type of pressure.

How long will they be in the military?

How long they plan to serve can be a factor in when you should have a baby. If you are rather young and they only plan to serve a few years, waiting until military life is over might just be the best choice. You would be able to avoid the stresses of solo parenting and enjoy the time you two have together before kids come.

If you are older, this might not be an option. I know for us it wasn’t because we already had one child and knew we wanted a couple more. We didn’t know how long my husband was going to be in the military and my husband was already in his 30s.

If your spouse is planning to do 20+ years in the military, waiting until they get out might not be an option. You might have to decide to have children while he is still serving.

Do you both agree on having children?

Do you both agree on having children? Do you both agree on having children right now? Talk about what your plans are for having kids. Make sure you are on the same page.

If you want a baby right now, and your spouse wants to have one in five years, having one in the middle of military life can make everything a lot more stressful.

The most important thing is to be on the same page. Talk about your options and come up with a plan. That could be having a baby right now, that could be waiting another five years.

It’s okay to wait

I have quite a few friends who didn’t have children until they were in their 30s. I have friends that simply do not want to have children at all. That is okay too.

Just because so many do have children in the military, that doesn’t mean you have to, or that you are behind in life. Your life goals are just as important.

Remember, when you are trying to decide when the best time to have a baby in the military is, there really isn’t one.

There can be benefits to having them gone during certain parts of pregnancy. When my husband was gone during the early months, that made breastfeeding in the middle of the night a bit easier. However, he missed being there during that time.

The best thing to do is to figure out what you want for your future family, know that your spouse could miss important parts of the pregnancy or the child’s life, and figure out how you will get through those times if they happen.

Know that raising kids in the military can be a beautiful thing. They can experience things that other kids never will. They get an up and close view of the military and can learn so many life lessons at an early age.

What have you decided about having children as a military family? Are you going to wait until they get out? Is waiting not an option?

To the Military Spouse Who is Far Away From Family

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To the Military Spouse Who is Far Away From Family

Today is my mom’s birthday. I so wish I could be with her today. I would have taken part of the day off to take her to breakfast or lunch, probably both. We all could have joined her for a family dinner that night. My boys and I could have made her a cake and opened presents together.

But instead, I will give my mom a call later today, hope that the package I sent for her birthday makes it in time, and think about how in the future maybe, just maybe we could be together for our birthdays.

Living far away from family can be challenging, and military families have to do this for most of their time in the service. Some are lucky and are able to live close enough to visit often, or their family will move to be with them.

But for everyone else, raising your children far away from your family is a part of the military life package. It’s something you have to get used to and make the best of. Because there isn’t much you can do about it.

To the military spouse far away from family, I know being away can be hard.

To have to miss the little things going on back home.

Sunday dinners with the family

Date nights while your children are safe with grandma and grandpa

Grandparent’s Day at school

Taking your brother or sister out for their birthday

Mother’s Day at Grandma’s house

Being there when a family member is hurting

The list could go on and on…

What we miss can hit us hard, even when we least expect it. When we can’t go home for Christmas, we can tell ourselves that we are fine with that, but when the day comes, the sadness can hit us hard. Just a reminder that you are living your life in a different way than you thought that you would.

As a military family, you become the ones that are always visiting but never really there. Your children are the visitors, the ones that don’t know what it is like to live near family and all the blessings that can bring.

This can be so difficult because as parents we always want the best for our children. We want them to feel all the love that they can. And we know that by living across the country from the people we love the most hurts, and in ways, our children might not even realize.

How do you make the best of being away from family?

Take trips home

When you can take a trip home, do so. Visiting will help with the distance, even if you can only do so every few years. Encourage your family to come out and visit you too.

If you are stationed in Europe, encourage your family to visit for a few weeks. This could be their only chance to visit Europe, and they can do so without having to spend a dime on a hotel. Check for airline discounts and make plans when your spouse has leave coming up.

Facetime

Talk on Facetime. The kids love this, and it is so nice to see people on video vs just hearing their voice. Try to set up a regular day each week to Facetime so that everyone is ready for the call.

There are so many more ways to talk with people today, even from thousands of miles away. Take advantage of them.

Share stories and photos

Facebook is ideal for this. Share stories about your kids as well as photos. The more your share with your family members, the more they will get to know the personalities of your children.

They will learn more about your daily life and what you have been up to. Long email updates can work too. Keeping the people back home updated is how to stay bonded through the distance. Hopefully, they will be doing the same.

Think of what you have gained

Believe it or not, there are benefits to raising your family far from home. Your friendships can be deeper because you are spending more time with those you have chosen to call your friends. You spend the holidays together, get through deployments together, and can bond in ways you never would with your family.

Being far away means you won’t be involved in as much family drama. This can be important for some families. It’s easy to think that everything will be perfect if you could just live near them too but daily life, different emotions, opinions, as well as expectations, can leave to tensions within a family.

Remember, this isn’t forever

Although it might seem like you will always be so far from them, things will change. If you are overseas, you will eventually move back to the States. If you live on the East Coast, you might end up on the West Coast.

Your family could move, or you could get out of the military and settle near them too. Being away from family doesn’t always last forever so keep that in mind when you are missing them the most.

How far are you away from your family? Does that distance bother you?

47 Ways to Save Money in the New Year

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47 Ways to Save Money in the New Year

New year, new goals? Right? We all have them and for a lot of us, our goals include saving more money, paying off debt, and just being smarter about how we spend the money that we make. I know I always feel much better when I save a little money here and there and have a little bit extra to spare each month.

This post contains affliate links!

As a military spouse, know that your military service member will be getting a 4.6% raise in the New Year. You should see this on the 2nd paycheck in January. BAH might have also gone up for you too. You can check the new BAH rates here. If your BAH rates went down, don’t worry. You will be grandfathered in with the old rate. Until you, PCS or your spouse moved up in rank. But if they do move up in rank and the BAH is lower for that new rank, you still get to keep your old BAH. Thank goodness for all of that!

When it comes to budgeting, you want to make sure you do so on a daily or regular basis. One of the first things I do every morning is check our bank account and pay any bills that need to be paid that day. I even check on Sundays because once we found out that someone had hacked our account and charged up some things on a Sunday. You have to always be aware of what is in your account.

If you are looking at 2023 and wondering how to save a little extra each month, this post is going to be for you. Here are 47 ways to save money each month in the new year:

  1. Shop sales- Let’s face is, you save money when what you buy what is on sale.
  2. Shop at the Commissary- In some areas, you will save more than in others but usually, shopping at the Commissary can save you money. Do some of your own research to see where certain products are the best price in your area.
  3. Shop thrift stores- A pair of pants for just $2? Score! Thrift stores have the best stuff!
  4. Hand me downs- I have 3 boys so there is always stuff that I can save for the next kid.
  5. Meal plan- When you plan ahead you will be less likely to eat out or pick something up on the way home.
  6. Make coffee at home- I love grabbibg a coffee out sometimes, but making coffee at home is a lot cheaper.
  7. Skip the fast food- For our family of 5 to eat at McDonald’s it is at least $40. Eat out less and save some money.
  8. Skip the soda- If you do go out to eat, skip the soda. Some places can charge up to $4 for one soda. If you and your spouse go out and skip it, ordering water instead, you could save between $6-$8 on your meal. That adds up over time.
  9. Have a yard sale- Either plan one at your house or use the yard sale sites and Facebook groups.
  10. Don’t buy because you feel bad– Feeling sad? Don’t go shopping. You are more likely to buy something just to try to make you feel better.
  11. Be honest about what you can spend– Friends going out for the 2nd time in a week? Let them know you can’t and plan some coffee dates instead.
  12. Get your books from the library- I love book deals but the library is free! Yes, you might have to wait sometimes but there are so many books to read you can usually always find something good without spending a dime.
  13. Look for deals on books- Look for book deals. If you have a Kindle, check out the Kindle Deals page to see what is currently on sale.
  14. Go to free events- See what is going on in your community, both on and off post.
  15. Set a budget for food at free events- Even at free events, you might want to eat. Set a budget ahead of time and stick to it.
  16. Buy passes- Love the zoo? Think you will go often? Get a yearly pass! Love the movies? Get a yearly pass! Find places you love to go and save money by getting that annual pass.
  17. Use the passes- If you get a pass, make sure to use it. At least figure out how many times you need to use the pass to break even.
  18. Use coupons- Cutting coupons can be a pain to cut coupons but using them will save you money.
  19. Take advantage of military discounts- Take a look at military discounts in your area. That 10-20% can help.
  20. Watch your boxes- Monthly boxes are in right now and there are so many good ones to choose from but be careful. Don’t keep paying for a box if you don’t like most of what comes in them. You can skip months too.
  21. Set up automatic savings- Set this up with your bank. Then money will automatically go to your savings accounts. And trust me, you won’t even miss it as you build up your savings. USAA has a great way to do this.
  22. Drop cable- What do you use cable for? Think about if you could do without. You could save yourself a lot of money by dropping cable and using Hulu and Netflix or other streaming services.
  23. Make lists before you shop- Making a list will always save you. Just make sure to stick to the actual list.
  24. Try a “buy what you need” challenge- See if you can go a month or two without buying anything you don’t need.
  25. Adjust your heat/ac settings- Adjust your settings just a little bit. You might see a change in your monthly electric bill.
  26. Cancel what you don’t use- Go through your monthly bills and cancel what you no longer use. These random costs can add up.
  27. Save all loose change and cash in- Put all loose change in a bottle. Cash in the bottle every 6 months or so. Use the money for some family fun.
  28. Fly Space-A- Living overseas and want to visit home? Try Space-A. Space-A isn’t for everyone but can save you money, especially when flying home from overseas.
  29. Stay in Military hotels- Staying in military hotels can save you quite a bit of money and they are all over the place.
  30. Exchange babysitting with a friend- Find a friend you trust and swap babysitting.
  31. Use Parent’s Night Out– There are a few churches in the area that offer a regular parent’s night out. Use these. For date nights or just to have some time for yourself.
  32. Bring your lunch to work- Try to bring your lunch to work most days. Cook a little extra for dinner and bring the leftovers in.
  33. Watch your ATM fees or use USAA- Watch those ATM fees. Now if you have USAA, they will pay you back once a month which is super handy.
  34. Put your tax return to good use- Getting a tax return? What is the best way to spend it this year?
  35. Downsize- Feel like you have too much space? It’s okay to downsize and move into a cheaper home.
  36. Use Rewards cards- Use rewards cards or apps for the stores you shop at the most. The rewards can add up.
  37. Shop around for big purchases- Need to buy a new washing machine. Shop around for the best deals. The PX is tax-free but Lowe’s and Home Depot offer a 10% military discount.
  38. Shop with a purpose- Shop with what you are looking for in mind. Always have a purpose and you can avoid spending extra money.
  39. Dollar Spot- Check out the Dollar Spot at Target. They always have things cheaper there, especially when it comes to office supplies and small toys for the kids.
  40. Keep driving that car- Don’t give up your car just yet and buy a new one. Try to get as many miles out of it as you can.
  41. Drop your home phone- Do you need your home phone? Most people don’t anymore. Think about if you still need to be paying that extra amount each month.
  42. Use your leftovers- Have a leftovers night where you use up any extra food you have made. Don’t let it go to waste.
  43. Eat before you go- If you can, eat your meals before you go somewhere. That way you won’t be as tempted to buy there.
  44. Garden, cheaply- You can spend a lot of money on gardening supplies but you don’t have to. Shop around and create a simple garden growing veggies you would normally buy.
  45. Gas Rewards- Use gas rewards. Kroger rewards works well for us.
  46. Ask for gift cards for Christmas and birthdays- Receiving gift cards for Christmas and birthdays means you have places to go without having to spend any money.
  47. Shop or save for Christmas- Plan out your Christmas, even in January. Shop sales during the year and stick to your budget.

I hope your 2023 is off to a great start! Have a good year and have some fun saving money 🙂

What is your best tip for saving money in the new year?

Being Content When The Military Moves You Far From Home

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I moved out of my parent’s home and away from my hometown when I was 18. I couldn’t wait to explore and live somewhere else. I couldn’t wait for that independence. I was so ready and left when I had the chance to go.

When I did that, I didn’t know how far that independence would take me. When I was 26, we moved from Northern California to Kentucky, even further away. When my husband joined the Army, we moved to Germany, an ocean away. We came back to Tennessee and have been here ever since, and where we live now is exactly 1,985.9 miles away from “home.”

There is a part of me that yearns to be back. To be able to live where I used to live, to be able to do the things I used to do on a regular basis (like go to Disneyland once a week,) and to live the life I used to have.

Being Content When The Military Moves You Far From Home

But here is the thing…

Time has moved on, not just for me, but for my hometown. Maybe this isn’t true for everyone, but where I grew up is so different in 2025 than when I left in 1997. There is a lot more traffic, and less rain, and Disneyland is way more expensive.

I once had a pastor tell me something that still sticks with me to this day. I told him about our church back in California and how special that place was. How I wanted to find something like that again.

He told me that while that was amazing, if we left right then and returned, the church would be a different place. That it is easy to assume everyone from our past is frozen in time, but that isn’t true. People have changed, places have changed, and going back wouldn’t be like stepping right back in right after we left.

So if I were to pack up my family and head back to Southern California, things would be different. And maybe part of that is that I have changed. I am used to life in other places, not so much the life of someone in Southern California. This hit me hard on one of my most recent visits.

And it isn’t like I couldn’t adjust to life there again, I am sure I could. I am sure that over time, things would be okay. But remembering that I can never go back to 1997 and how things were back then is a comfort to me in a place so far from home.

As military spouses, many of you don’t live near where you grew up.

Some of you might just be a few hours away, others, across the ocean. You could be the type of person who couldn’t wait to leave, or maybe you never thought you would until you married your soldier and you had to go. Living away from home can be difficult, even for those of us who couldn’t wait to move away.

You miss things. You miss birthdays, weddings, and other events that make you sad to think about. You become the people that other people used to know. You become a part of their history and are no longer a part of their present. And that can be hard to take.

Homesickness can be real. You can feel like you gave up everything and for what? You might wonder if the time away is worth it. If spreading your wings a bit was worth it the homesickness.

How can you be content when the military moves you far from home?

Here are some ideas:

Embrace your independence

When you leave home, you become more independent just by doing so. There is now a lot more distance between you and your family, between you and what you are used to, between you and your comfort zone. You have to do things you didn’t think you would have to do, and you will grow stronger for it.

Embrace this independence that comes from being far from home. Take a look back at what you have done on your own. Look ahead to the future and on what you can accomplish based on these skills you have learned.

Explore your new home

Get out there and see what your current area has to offer. It might be totally different than what you are used to, but that’s okay. This will force you out of your comfort zone, but that can be a good thing.

Look up bucket lists for your new duty station, talk to your neighbors, and look for what other people do in their free time. Getting involved in your new community will help you find contentment there and lessen the effects of homesickness.

Visit

Yes, you moved away. But that doesn’t mean you can’t ever visit. Now, how often you visit is going to depend on many different factors. You might not be able to afford to do so too often, or maybe you can go home for every holiday. Find a good balance and what will work for you and your family.

If you live close enough, it might be possible to go home every weekend. This might not be the best idea if you want to dive into your new community. Give yourself some time to be where you now live, and not just escape home whenever you get the chance. If you can figure out a new home that is just a few hours from where you are from, those skills will help you when you move farther away.

Invite

Invite your family and maybe even friends to visit your new home. Show them around, show them your new life. Let them see what you are experiencing. Your friends and family want to know you are in a good place and showing them that place firsthand can be a wonderful thing.

When the military moves you far away from home, it can be so hard to figure out how to be content. There is a lot to miss about home, and for many, it can feel like your new duty station will never feel that way. Give yourself some time, get out of your comfort zone, and look for the good in your new place.

Where was the first place you lived after moving away from home?

40 Quick Tips for a Better Military Spouse Life

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I can’t believe I have been a military spouse for almost 17 years now. I remember being so overwhelmed by everything at first. I had so many questions and didn’t know what we were getting into. Over the years I have learned so much, from the best way to make friends to how to get through those long deployment days.

Are you new to military life? Maybe you just want to get some advice to get you through a difficult time. Here are 40 quick tips for a better military spouse life.

40 Quick Tips for a Better Military Spouse Life
  1. Timelines will always change. Whether it is how long it will take to join your spouse in an OCONUS PCS to when they will get home from a deployment.
  2. Make friends. You will need them, you will. They will make military life a lot easier.
  3. Say yes to overseas, even if you are afraid to do so. The experience will be worth it.
  4. Try living on post or base at least once. Doing so is an experience.
  5. Don’t forget OPSEC. Don’t overshare on social media. Be smart about what you are putting out there.
  6. PCS your way. Do you need a fancy PCS binder? Maybe. Are you okay if you don’t have one? Maybe. Find what works for you.
  7. Don’t be turned off by “bad” duty stations. Sometimes that is where you will have the best experiences. You never know.
  8. Join the groups. Find a book club. Try MOPS. You never know when you might find your new best friend.
  9. Write love letters. They might be old-fashioned but they can be a greay way to communicate during a deployment.
  10. Journal. Get your words out. Tell your journal how mad you are at the military. It will make you feel better.
  11. Get mad at the military. It’s okay. You don’t always have to love everything the military does.
  12. Focus on you. Don’t give up your dreams.
  13. Get off your military instillation. Explore. Make civilian friends. Learn about your new area.
  14. Listen to Seasoned Spouses. They have good advice and they have been there.
  15. Help out newbie military spouses. You have a lot to offer, even if you have only been a military spouse for a short time yourself.
  16. Remember you can do this. Whatever it is. Take it one day at a time.
  17. Create boundrries for yourself. With friends. With your job. With family.
  18. Make time for yourself. Me time is always important. Look for ways to find that me time, no matter how busy your life might be.
  19. Don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone. Doing so will bring you amazing things.
  20. You don’t have to send fancy care packages if you don’t want to. That might not be your jam. That’s okay.
  21. Share your story. Start a blog. Share on Instagram. When we share our stories, whatever they might be, we can truly help one another not feel so alone.
  22. Don’t sweat the small stuff, especially during a deployment. You might have to let a lot of things go. But that will bring you more peace.
  23. Each of your kids might handle the stress of military life in a different way. Some might need a little more help than others.
  24. Sometimes things will happen that won’t make any sense. Learn that this is just a part of military life. Sometimes you won’t be able to explain the randomness of it all.
  25. Don’t let rank get in the way of a friendship. Rules about rank are for service members, not spouses. That being said, be aware of what would bother your spouse or put them in an uncomfortable situation.
  26. Celebrate your military spouse wins. Get excited when you hit 100 days of deployment. Get excited when you cross things off your PCS to-do list.
  27. Talk with your spouse about PERSEC. Find out what they are okay with you sharing and what they are not. Some service members do not want to be on social media, and others are totally okay with it.
  28. Be wary of scams. Are you dating a service member? Awesome! Are they asking for you to send them money even thoguh you have never met in person? Be wary. People do try to scam others by pretending to be a service member.
  29. Learn about military discounts. Many amusement parks have them. A lot of resturants do too. Don’t be afraid to ask about them when you are out shopping. Just be respectful if the answer is no or if they are only for the service member.
  30. Share your life with your civilian friends. They are curious and might only know about military life from TV or movies.
  31. Be yourself. Not all military spouses are the same. We come from different places and backgrounds. Find your milspouse people.
  32. Know if you are struggling in this life, reaching out for extra help is okay. Doing so might be just what you need to get through your current challenge.
  33. Go to college, find a job, and pursue your own dreams as much as you can. Follow your passions, even during military life, whatever they might be.
  34. During a deployment, make a list of all the things you want to accomplish or learn. Work on home projects, write a book, learn a new skill, and figure out ways to stay busy that can help you grow as a person.
  35. Visit home, especially when you need a break from your duty station. But when you do, don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for not visiting them or spending your vacation the way you need to as a family.
  36. Take pictures. Make photo albums. Write down your memories. You will be glad you did.
  37. Learn from one another. Listen to how others make deployments a little easier or hacks they have about pcsing. You don’t have to do everything they do, but putting more tools in your military spouse toolbox will be a good idea.
  38. Feeling lonely? Find activities and events in your local area to get out and meet new people. Don’t give up if you don’t meet anyone right away. Keep trying.
  39. Grow through your expeirences, even the bad ones. There is always something new to learn.
  40. Enjoy this life as much as you can, but know that often times military life is a roller coaster. You will have some amazing moments, and some pretty difficult ones. There will be different seasons of your military life.

The Road I Traveled: Finding the Right Career

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The Road I Traveled: Finding the Right Career

In March of 2013, I looked into the blue, blue eyes of my Marine and said my vows. I was confident I was entirely prepared for life as an active duty spouse. Of course, I was wrong.

While my husband and I had already experienced the highs and lows of deployments, separations, and reunions, marrying him, and choosing to follow him from duty station to duty station was and is a different world entirely. To succeed together my husband and I had to buy-in, not just to the military, but to one another. That meant finding ways to work together to ensure we each had and have fulfilling personal and professional lives.

Sometimes one career is being built in a more focused way while the other takes a bit of a back seat. This was us during the early days of my husband’s career. I already had my bachelor’s degree and had been in the professional world for nearly a decade. My husband was just starting his military career and had an associate’s degree.

While I didn’t focus on paid work during that time, I did engage with my husband’s unit as a family readiness volunteer. For us, this was an example of both mutual buy-in and the value of individuating from one another. I brought my personal and professional experience to the Family Readiness Officer (at that time FROs were DoD employees) and said “how can I help the unit”? The FRO was delighted to have me and this experience led to many volunteer assignments that I was able to put on my resume. These experiences ranged from supporting the Marines in their education goals, to helping train volunteers, and more. 

Even more important than the experience I brought to the table, however, was learning the value of self-advocacy in the military environment. It can be easy to assume “I can’t” when adjusting to and trying to understand a large, complex organization like a military service branch.

While not everyone is going to want to volunteer within their spouse’s unit, self-advocacy still applies. Whether you work off-base, volunteer aboard a base, with the community, or another organization, viewing yourself as an asset, and as an individual with something to contribute matters.

When I was pregnant with our son, the importance of my individual personhood became particularly clear. I remember my greatest fear during that time was losing myself in motherhood. I wanted to ensure I maintained my individuality, my personhood, separate from not just my husband, but my child as well.

After our son was born, (while my husband was deployed of course) I experienced many an emotional fluctuation in how I felt I was developing and how I felt about being seen as “more than a mom”. I remember being particularly worried that my husband sometimes lost sight of me and my experiences and saw only “mother of my child”. 

My mother was the voice of reason in my ear. She encouraged me to regularly take time for myself. She reminded me that nurturing my interests and passions would allow me to be a better, happier, mother and spouse.

Embracing motherhood as a part of my whole, allowed me to integrate its realities and responsibilities as I pursued my goals. As my son grew and became more independent I did as well. I learned that being completely supportive of my husband’s career, being engaged in the military community, and STILL being fiercely individual, career-minded, and a goal-oriented person are not mutually exclusive.

By the time our son turned 3, I knew I wanted to get my graduate degree. I wanted to contribute financially to our family and develop a career that could weather the realities of deployments, PCSing, and solo parenting. 

My bachelor’s degree is in social work, so I started there. I looked at my requirements for career success, the growth of social work job roles, starting salaries, and what my loans would look like. I enrolled with Hire Heroes (a fantastic organization supporting veterans and military spouses as they develop careers) to start redesigning my resume and learn the strategies for applying for jobs online. I built a LinkedIn profile since I knew I wanted a strong virtual presence, and I joined several professional military spouse groups on Facebook and LinkedIn.

Prior to enrolling in a program, I spent a year researching my options. I knew I needed an asynchronous, online program so I could learn at my own pace and not have classes impacted by deployments, TDYs, and solo parenting. Through my research, I learned that a master’s in social work (MSW) was not the best option for me and my goals.

I looked at writing degrees since I enjoyed writing and knew editing and proofreading would lend themselves to remote work. The salaries weren’t what I wanted. I looked at some education-focused programs and found myself learning more about curriculum analysis and development. In the end, I discovered Instructional Design.

I wasn’t familiar with Instructional Design, so I delved a bit deeper and learned about course design, developing learning objectives, and the difference between pedagogy (teaching kids) and andragogy (teaching adults). With this information in hand, I started searching for programs, found one I liked, and had a 45-minute informational interview with the director of the program.

He provided me with the contact information for some graduates of the program so I could learn more about life in the role and how to apply this education to my career development. Those informational interviews were critical to my ability to make an informed, educated decision about my graduate program. I scouted job boards to see what kind of roles were offered for this degree and what the salaries were in the real world, not just on salary.com. I saw many jobs that met my needs for flexibility and remote work. 

Through a combination of commitment to developing my LinkedIn profile, networking, and luck, I had a job in my field 6 months before I graduated from my program. That job and the multiple internships I held through my schooling prepared me for my current role. In this role, I benefit from a fantastic mentor and a remote position that supports a mission I care about.

On this journey, I took plenty of detours, and there were many times I experienced self-doubt and a lack of confidence in my ability to succeed. In those moments I benefitted from my entirely bought-in, unfailingly supportive, cheerleader of a husband and partner. He supported all my goals, talked through challenges with me, and kept me company during project crunch times. 

I could draw this reflection on my path to a close with a platitude or two and a “Rah Rah!” Instead, I’ll share a few of the lessons I’ve learned while navigating this crazy military life.

  1. Fill your own cup first: You cannot give from an empty vessel. Give yourself the time and space to recharge. This may look different at various life stages. When my son was little it might just have been an hour at a Starbucks reading and enjoying my espresso. Now, it might be a whole day by myself doing my own activities or errands to allow myself some breathing room.
  2. Individuate. Always. Being wholly supportive of your spouse’s military career doesn’t mean you sacrifice yours. Remember that while you’re partners in life you still have individual goals. 
  3. Self-Advocate: You have something positive to contribute. You are an asset. Remember that. Go forth and reflect that. Ask for the things you want and the things you want to see. Engage. Be the change you want to see (okay, so that’s a platitude but it’s a good one!)
  4. ALWAYS ASK: The worst that can happen is someone says no. Then, you move on to the next way to get your question answered or your goal met. 
  5. Be kind to yourself: Be as kind to yourself as you would to a good friend. Give yourself chances, and forgiveness. Recognize that mistakes are just part of life and learn from them. 

I love my life as a Training Performance Analyst (super fancy job title to explain lots of time in excel) a Mama to an amazing son, an active-duty spouse, a friend, and a person with a growth mindset. Thanks for letting me share a little bit of it with you. 

Dvija Maurer is a woman of many interests. Some of these include Korean cuisine, history, politics, how many times her son will say “ok mom” before remembering to pick up his towel, and playing D&D with friends and family. After receiving both undergraduate and graduate degrees from the University of Maryland, Baltimore County, Dvija pursued her career in the world of training and performance. She found the remote opportunities in the training sector fit perfectly into the active duty military life she shares with her husband Gerard, son Charlie, and two dogs, Mando and Rey.

If you’d like to connect with Dvija she can be found on LinkedIn at: 

https://www.linkedin.com/in/dee-maurer-dvijapatni

The Ups and the Downs of Military Life

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The Ups and the Downs of Military Life

My military spouse life today looks completely different than it did back 15-16 years ago. For one thing, back then, my husband was active duty Army, and we were stationed in Germany. What was going on in the world, and Iraq and Afghanistan at the time were very different than what is going on today.

Technology was a bit different too. We didn’t have as much access to our service members when they were deployed, and it was harder to connect with them overseas.

I still experience the ups and downs of military life. The back and the forth. The good and the bad.

When your spouse first joins the military, or you marry a service member, military life can be a big shock to the system. For some things change a lot. You go from a civilian spouse coming home at 5 on the dot to a deployment. You can go from your parent’s house to your own house halfway around the world. Military life comes with a lot of changes.

But we spouses, we adapt, we have to.

We work to find community. We try to find people we can connect with. We don’t want to go through all of this alone.

We hit the speed bumps, which can really throw us off if we don’t see them coming. We know they might be ahead but we can lie to ourselves and pretend they won’t affect us. But then they do. And we can feel pretty sad about it all.

But then things change. Life changes. Things get easier, if only for a little while.

You might PCS to a new duty station, closer to home. A deployment might get canceled, or you meet someone you click with so well, that you know you will always have each other’s back.

When that happens, you start to feel like you can do it. You can rock whatever comes at you. And you know what? That’s such a wonderful feeling.

But it is okay if that feeling doesn’t last. Because sometimes this military life can be so hard.

I have learned over the years that I have to take care of myself, no matter what is coming my way. I have to find those times for self-care, even within the crazy. I have to find friends to be with and talk with. I have to balance my life so that I don’t become too overwhelmed.

And after all these years, I am still tweaking things. I am still figuring out what works best and how to get through time away from my husband or any other military struggle that comes up.

If you are new to military life, you may be feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything you have to deal with.

From TRICARE to PCSing, from the MWR to DEERS. There is so much to know.

The reality is you don’t have to know everything right now. You will learn over time and you will figure out how best to get through this life.

So many military spouses have come before you and will help you on your journey.

There are so many resources out there, from organizations like Blue Star Families offering different events to companies like MilSpouse Conversations offering places to connect and talk with each other. I also have blog posts on topics such as deployments, PCSing, and more.

If you are new to military life, know that there will be ups and downs in this lifestyle. Not every day will be good but not every day will be bad either. And those really bad days? You will figure out ways to get through them. To get to a better place.

What helps you get to a better place when you are feeling down?

If you are in the San Diego area, come to the Spill THEE Tea – Conversations with a milspouse panel sponsored by Blue Star Families on September 8th, 2022 from 6-8 pm PT. Sign up here.

3 Ways Military Spouses Can Jump Start Their Careers Right Now

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Hiring Our Heroes

In 2010, when I married my airman on a random weekend with a hastily made supermarket bouquet in a Texas courthouse, I had not even heard the words “military spouse employment programs.” 

In fact, I wasn’t even sure why I would need a military spouse employment program. I wasn’t aware of what I was about to encounter when my new life and my career path collided. But collide they did – and I soon found myself no longer evaluating career opportunities on merit, my skillset, or what sounded like fun. 

I was evaluating every employment opportunity on the question, “Can I make this job work?”

Looking back, that makes my heart hurt a little. 

I know so many spouses that have done the same soul-searching when forcing jobs to fit. I was fortunate to eventually find a rewarding career after many challenging decisions and a double dose of hard work. 

Twelve years later, I see not limitations, but possibilities for military spouses seeking meaningful career opportunities. Military spouses, I am here to tell you that the time is now to jump-start your professional career. 

Are you ready? Here are 3 ways to do it.

Take Advantage of Returnship and Internship Programs for Military Spouses
Returnships are designed for those returning to work. As I look at employer trends in the latter half of the year, I see many companies committing to returnships and internships for professionals and new grads who put their careers on hold in 2020. These programs provide a professional boost to anyone who took some time off from work and has a gap on their resume, or to those who are looking to pivot into a new industry.

You can visit an employer’s career webpage to see if they have this type of program available. If you search their site and can’t find anything specific to returnships, try connecting with a recruiter for that organization on LinkedIn and asking about return-to-work options. 

Internships and fellowships can also be used to jump back in, but there’s usually also a component of new work experience with these programs. For this reason, fellowships are perfect for career-pivoters. Career-pivoters are new to their field. They are also those who want to explore the ins and outs of life at a particular company before accepting a full-time job offer. 

To find internship programs, check with your educational institution. Or if you live in one of eight service locations, apply for the Military Spouse Fellowship Program at Hiring Our Heroes. This unique program is a paid, six-week experience on the job with one of the program’s host companies. In 2021, this experience led to a full-time job offer for 92% of participants. 

Use the New Remote Work Landscape to Upskill and Reskill into Portable Career 

There is an explosion of remote and hybrid work opportunities now, rendering your next PCS a small inconvenience instead of a career-stopper. 

The demand for remote workers is especially high in the tech space. These jobs are very competitive, so to have a leg up, consider adding some new skills to your repertoire. Thankfully, as military spouses, we have access to a variety of educational benefits and support organizations to do this at no cost. 

If you are eyeing jobs in fields like UX/UI design, project management, IT support, digital marketing, or data analytics, you may want to check out the Career Forward program at Hiring Our Heroes. This learner-to-earner program can take you from career dreams to job offers with the help of our staff. 

If you love data management or have already begun to learn about careers in the rapidly growing customer relationship management (CRM) software industry, take a look at the Hiring Our Heroes’ Salesforce Fellowship Program. 

Military spouses are eligible for free training to learn Salesforce through Salesforce Military. After earning the Salesforce administrator certification, you can receive hands-on work experience using your new Salesforce skills with a fellowship at one of 55 host companies located nationwide. The program currently has a 95% job offer rate.

Leverage Your Network

One glaringly obvious issue that has always made military spouse career progression difficult is the lack of professional connections when we arrive to a new area and the inability to maintain a network as we move around. 

The importance of networking is not waning and, with digital tools and groups, professional networking is easier than ever. 

Invest time in LinkedIn – it’s not just about your profile! Once you have most of your profile filled out, connect with people who work at companies you are interested in, who are experienced in your industry, or who have a common interest with you. Take a few minutes each day to comment on their posts and post your own job search updates to your network. 

While you’re leveraging your network, lean on your fellow military spouses. 

The Hiring Our Heroes Military Spouse Professional Network has a presence virtually and at 55 locations around the world. MSPN provides online career development resources and virtual networking platforms to help military spouses build their professional network before they arrive at a new military installation. 

In case you haven’t heard it lately, your professional goals are important. You have so much to offer the business community as a talented, adaptable, and knowledgeable military spouse. There’s never been a better time to demonstrate your value as an employee. I hope you’ll take the first step toward achieving professional success according to your own definition. 

And if you need additional support, there’s much more to discover at Hiring Our Heroes including webinars, virtual hiring fairs, Amplify career intensives, and Career Connectors to help you navigate it all. 

Good luck – you’ve got this!

Danielle Lankford is the San Antonio & Dallas/Fort Worth Program Manager for the Military Spouse Fellowship Program at Hiring Our Heroes. Hiring Our Heroes is an initiative of the U.S. Chamber of Commerce Foundation. You can connect with Danielle on LinkedIn.