Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Military Life

Importance of Your Mental Health 

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Happy to have this guest post by Heather! Want to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life? Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know! I take pieces on anything milspouse related, from deployment tips to duty station reviews.

Importance of Your Mental Health 

Taking care of yourself can look different for each person. Maybe you show self-care by getting your nails done, taking a girl’s trip, or simply taking a warm bubble bath with no interruptions (if that’s possible). Each of us finds something to help relieve our frustrations or stress the best that we can and the best that we know how. Regardless of what you choose to do, taking care of yourself and your mental health should be a top priority. 

Here are some tips to help get yourself into a habit of taking care of your mental health! 

  1. Love Yourself and Be Compassionate 

First and foremost, remember to love yourself and give yourself compassion. Many of us are hard on ourselves, dwell on our past choices, or simply beat ourselves up. Don’t punish yourself, instead learn from your experiences and make them a lesson. Give yourself gratitude for things you do throughout the day. Maybe you painted a room or took a shower for the first time in three days. Celebrate that! The one voice you are going to hear every single day is yourself. Be compassionate to yourself. Give yourself that positive talking and learn to love yourself. We teach our children to speak kindly to others, so we should do the same to ourselves. 

  1. Recognize Triggers 

Throughout our life experiences, we develop triggers that are associated with mostly negative events in our lives. For example, during my first deployment, I had a special ringtone for when my husband would call. Anytime I heard that specific ringtone I immediately forgot all things I was doing and would immediately find my phone to take his call as they were few and far in between.

Even after his return when I hear that ringtone it immediately triggers me into panic mode to find my phone. To help with this, I have changed the ringtone on my phone. This is a simple example of a trigger, but it is important to recognize what triggers you so that you can work on not being triggered especially if it is associated with negative memories. 

  1. Create a Routine

From an early age, we are introduced to routines or a schedule of events based on the time of when things will happen. Think back to elementary school when we knew what time we had naps (I miss this), lunch, bathroom breaks, etc. Very similar to how children need a schedule to help them with their day, so do we as adults! To help get yourself into the flow of the day, make a routine for yourself that includes the fun things you enjoy.

Maybe you have a full-time work schedule and you are also the housekeeper and caretaker but you want to go to the gym. Write out your schedule and see where you can plug in a time for the gym. Maybe you are feeling depressed and having a hard time getting up to complete a task. That’s okay! Try writing out things you would like to get done or need to get done like laundry, grocery shopping, reading a book, or taking a walk. We have smartphones that can help us with our calendars and routines to help get us moving. Utilize this! Remember, small steps and celebrate the things you did!

  1. Find New Ways to Help Your Mental Health 

Find things that bring you joy and add it to your day! Maybe you really enjoy physical activities like biking, running, kayaking, or kickboxing. Do it! Maybe you are wanting to start a new hobby like gardening. Do it!

From 2020 into 2021, I was looking for things that made me happy to benefit my mental health. I found out our duty station happened to have an on post gardening club. How amazing is that?!  I did all the reading and researching I could and decided to rent my own garden plot. I spent many hours in the garden digging new beds, weeding (mostly), and planting new vegetables.

Even if this was trial and error, my mental health improved so much! Listening to the birds sing, the outdoor fresh air, and the excitement of a tiny seed I planted coming to the surface. The sense of growing something, even if it didn’t survive, felt so great! New hobbies are a great way to help with our mental health and provide an outlet for our creativity or freeness of the mind.

Overall, you know yourself better than anyone else. Be true to yourself, love yourself, do things that make you happy! For many of us who wear many hats in our household, it is hard to remember to take care of ourselves too. You are important, loved, and you got this! Remember to celebrate things you do every day and give yourself some positive talks. 

The SWCL Shop

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The SWCL Shop was started in 2021, to bring my designs to the marketplace.

I have created a store on Zazzle to offer my designs and memes on magnets, stickers, prints, and more! Perfect for your military spouse life.

This post contains affiliate links!

Here is what you can find in the shop!

Finding Your Place, In the Military Spouse World

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Finding Your Place, In the Military Spouse World

We have all been the newbie military spouse. The one who really didn’t know how to navigate this life. The one who had all the questions.

But as time goes on, as you go through a deployment or two, have a PCS under your belt, you realize you are no longer the newest military spouse on the block. You realize that you actually have the advice to offer and you are working to find out your place.

Now you are trying to figure out your place in the military spouse community.

How involved do you want to be in the military spouse community? What can you offer? How do you make sure you are not ignoring your own dreams during military life?

The truth is, finding your place in the military spouse world depends on so many things. From where you are first stationed to what you left behind when your service member joined or when you married them. It depends on the goals you have for yourself, and how involved the military is in your life as you try to achieve them. And this isn’t the same for everyone.

As a new military spouse, I arrived in Germany with an 18-month-old and got pregnant again right away. I was trying to navigate military life as a SAHM in a 3rd-floor stairwell apartment in Germany. My life was pretty much 100% little kids and military, without much room for anything else. The military was in charge of so much of my life.

Moving back to the US four years later, we finally had a little more space between us and the military. Choosing to live off post allowed us a little more space as well as simply being stationed in the U.S. versus overseas. It’s just a very different type of military experience.

Finding your place in the military spouse world is going to be so different depending on who you are and your own experiences.

There are different “roles” you might find yourself in. And you may or may not want to stay there. They might not be a good fit.

The truth is, finding your place in the military spouse world is all about what you feel comfortable with. Some military spouses want to be as involved as possible. They volunteer for the FRG or other on post events. They seem to know a lot about military life and can direct you if you have a question or tell you where you can go to get an answer.

Other military spouses take a back seat to the military world. They stay away from post as much as possible. They work, live, and spend their free time away from the military. They have more of a hands-off as much as possible approach.

And then, there is everyone in between. The reality is, there is no right answer on how to military spouse. You should be involved as much you want to be or as little as you want to be. And your spouse’s rank shouldn’t even be a factor.

We, military spouses, should never feel like we have to run an FRG meeting or set up a spouse’s group. We should do so because we have a desire to do so. We should do so because that is what we want to do, not because it is expected of us.

We, military spouses, have the right to focus solely on our careers. Solely on our children and homes. Or solely on both without worrying too much about the role of the military in our lives. Doing so isn’t for everyone.

We, military spouses, have to find our place, and we get to decide how involved we want to be.

We get to choose, and being able to choose leads to a healthier military spouse community.

I am so thankful for the military spouses who have stepped up. So many have come before us and have said, “no, this isn’t okay” and they work to change things. I am so thankful that the military spouse norm of the past isn’t the norm anymore. That we have so much more freedom than previous generations.

But, will the military itself catch up to modern times? What can change to make a better military life balance for everyone? Both spouse and service member?

Even though I live by a large Army installation, most of my interactions with other military spouses seem to be online these days. Maybe this is due to the pandemic, or maybe just the way modern life is. As modern military spouses, you can reach out to anyone from the comfort of your own homes.

The military community is online, with so many resources at our fingertips.

We no longer have to attend an in-person event in order to get that information we might need to thrive in our military spouse life. We can connect to other spouses, through Facebook groups, TikTok accounts, and Instagram.

We can share our stories and know they will be seen by military spouses worldwide. We can offer advice to a spouse in another branch, stationed somewhere we will never go. The world is truly changing.

Military spouses have always been about community, and there have always been roles for us within that community. But things are changing, and what worked 10-15 years ago, might not work today. Modern military spouses are able to focus more on their own goals and are not as held back because of the military.

Hopefully, no matter how long you have been a military spouse, you are able to figure out where you fit within the military spouse community. And hopefully, whatever your choose to do, no matter how involved you want to be, it is respected. By other spouses, by your service member, and the bigger military as a whole.

How did you find your place within the military spouse world?

For The Military Spouse Who Lost A Loved One This Year

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For The Military Spouse Who Lost A Loved One This Year

In February of 2017, we lost my SIL unexpectedly. Over the years since, we have lost other family members. So many of us have.

The holidays can bring up a lot of emotions. You think about how this is the first time your loved one will not be there for the holidays. The first time you won’t be able to wake up and see them Christmas morning. The first time you won’t hear their voice on the phone when you call to wish them Merry Christmas.

You might be going through a deployment, without your spouse by your side to lean on during this time.

You might already be feeling lonely, and now you are dealing with a hole in your heart for your missing loved one. This can all be so hard to deal with. This is when writing in your journal, writing letters to your spouse, and staying busy will help.

You might be in a new city, missing your group of friends. You depended on them after your loss, you still need them, but they now live states away from you. You don’t know anyone well enough to confide your sadness is.

You might be struggling to know how to act after the loss. You might not be the closest person to the one who passed away, but you still feel their loss. You want to reach out to those who are closer, but you are not sure how to do so.

So for the military spouse who lost a loved one this year, I understand.

Your loved one is missed, by so many. Even if you think you are done mourning, the holidays can make it feel like you were not. Know that you are not alone, that others know what you are doing though, and talking about your loved one is okay.

Know that going through the holidays without them will seem strange, especially if this is the first one. It will seem like someone is missing and rightly so, someone is. You might have pictured this year differently than it turned out and that in itself is hard to come to term with.

Reach out to your loved ones and mourn together.

Understand that some might be having a harder time with their loss than others do. Some might not be able to make it through the holidays without a lot of support. Some might feel like they took a few steps back in their grief.

And if that person is you, know that you can get through this season too. That your grief is understandable, that your loss is very real, and that no one expects you to treat this holiday the same as you have in the past.

After a loss, you have to adapt to a new normal. You have to figure out how to go on without them. And this isn’t always easy. The holidays can be a reminder of what you lost and what you no longer have.

Every new memory you make is a reminder of what they are missing.

So to you who have lost someone this year, do what you can to have an enjoyable holiday. Tell your closest friends and family what you are struggling with. Find ways to honor your loved one especially.

Life is filled with good and bad things. Some years will be harder than others. Know, you are not alone and that you will figure out ways to get through the holiday season.

How do you cope with losing someone during the holiday season?

9 Reasons You Want to Get Stationed at Fort Campbell

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9 Reasons You Want to Get Stationed at Fort Campbell

Orders have been cut, and they say: “Fort Campbell, Kentucky” Say what? Is this where you wanted to go? You aren’t sure. You don’t know anything about Fort Campbell.

The truth is, getting stationed at Fort Campbell can be a great experience. It really can. The area isn’t perfect, and there is some room for improvement, but here are 9 reasons you might want to get stationed here at Fort Campbell.

We have four seasons

Yes, we have four seasons here at Fort Campbell. Sometimes all in the same day. But really, just when you get tired of a season and can’t take much more, things change. We have falling leaves, it can snow, but not too much, humid summers, and refreshing springs. Hmm…the summers might be a bit much but you will miss them when you leave. Maybe. Okay, probably won’t miss the summers.

We are centrally located

We are pretty centrally located. Want to head to the midwest? You can be there in a few hours. Want to head down south? Go for it. Many families are closer to extended family when they get stationed here. If you are however from the west coast like we are…that isn’t going to be true at all and the airport is a pain to get to but it is what it is.

Many families like to vacation at the beach, Walt Disney World, Gatlinburg, or St. Louis. There are many different options whether you want to fly or drive.

Choice of where to live

One of the great things about being stationed at Fort Campbell is you have quite a few choices where you can live. You can live on post, live in Kentucky, or live in Tennessee. And with each state, you can choose to be closer to the post or further away. You can stay within the city or live out in the country. The choice is totally up to you, and well your family size and BAH of course.

Nashville is an hour away

Nashville is only an hour away! Nashville has almost everything you might need. However, Nashville is also an hour away, which isn’t always easy to deal with, especially if you don’t like to drive.

Nashville has the Nashville Zoo, the Adventure Science Center, Broadway, McKay’s bookstore, Opryland and Opry Mills, and much more. We live to go about once a month and always have a good time when we do.

9 Reasons You Want to Get Stationed at Fort Campbell

Lots of Army

Fort Campbell is of course an Army post and there is so much Army everywhere. From active duty to retired military. Many people come here as their last duty station and stay, and others grew up in an Army family, married a soldier, and have stayed. Many people in the community have connections to Fort Campbell and the Army in one way or another. If you do want a break from the Army, I go back to choosing where to live. Some places in this area are more civilian than others.

Nature

From the Greenway to parks! We have nature here! Which can be a great way to spend your time. You can tube down the river, or go for a long walk on a Sunday afternoon. Of course, nature isn’t always fun and if you try to be outside in the month of July you will probably regret that. Unless it is a pool, and even then…you might just want to stay inside. Sorry July, you are not my favorite.

We have things to do

Fort Campbell is not in the middle of nowhere. Even if it CAN seem that way if you compare it to other bigger places. We do have things.

We have your chain restaurants, Olive Garden, Outback, Applebees, etc. And we have many local restaurants as well. New ones seem to be opening all the time. Yum!

We have entertainment for kids such as Defy, the City Forum which is our favorite and so much better than Dave and Busters, and plenty of parks in the city. We have soccer teams and little leagues and plenty of actives for kids on post as well.

There is the Oak Grove Racing, Gaming & Hotel, movie theaters, and Clarksville has a mall that is pretty okay. If you want the nice big malls, you will have to go to Nashville.

We are lacking libraries and bookstores IMO. This is the only city I have ever lived in with only one library. But that’s a rant for another day.

Plenty of events

There is a lot going on in the Clarksville and Fort Campbell area. Clarksville has many events from a Christmas parade to a farmer’s market every summer. If you do get stationed here, follow some of the local pages to learn about what is going on. Clarksville Parks and Recreation, Fort Campbell MWR, and Fort Campbell & Clarksville Tennessee Fun and Events.

Military supportive city

Clarksville, Oak Grove, and Hopkinsville are all very military friendly. There is a lot of love for Fort Campbell and the soldiers and families that get stationed here. That can be comforting for a lot of people. During normal times, we have concerts at Fort Campbell, and those can be a ton of fun getting together with the community.

9 Reasons You Want to Get Stationed at Fort Campbell

Overall I think Ft. Campbell is a great place to get stationed. A lot of people agree with me. There are also plenty of people that do not and that is just fine. We all have different experiences. In the end, duty stations are what you make of them. Good or bad. Popular or not.

If you are getting stationed at Fort Campbell, welcome, and I hope your experience is a good one!

7 Ways to Celebrate Fall, in GIFs

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7 Ways to Celebrate Fall, in GIFs

Fall is just about here, although at this moment it is 96 degrees outside. Tennessee is being ridiculous this year and summer doesn’t want to go home. At the same time, leaves have started to fall, and you can tell the season is about to change.

Fall is my favorite season, even more so now that we live somewhere with four seasons. I love how the weather changes, and how colorful the leaves are in the fall. The start of autumn takes me out of summer and leads to me a cooler time of year, filled with the holidays, cozy nights, and warm drinks.

Looking for ways how to celebrate fall? Here are 7 of them, in GIFs:

Go to a pumpkin patch…take your kids, take your camera, enjoy the time on the farm and come home with a pumpkin for each of you 🙂

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Admire the leaves…check out all the colors, take a lot of photos, and share with your friends and family that don’t get to experience their amazingness where they live.

via GIPHY

Decorate your home…grab your fall decor, buy a few new items, and get going. Your house will feel like the season is here, even if it is still pretty hot outside (Tennessee, I am looking at you.)

via GIPHY

Bake! Bake! Bake! From Halloween cookies to apple pie, it’s time to bake all the yummy treats. Try a new pumpkin cookie recipe and frost some ghost cookies with your kids.

via GIPHY

Order that pumpkin latte! You know you want to. You know you can’t wait to have the first one of the season. Look, I am not a huge fan of the pumpkin latte but I always enjoy having at least one, to start off the fall season. Plus, this year, the pumpkin cold brew at Starbucks is actually pretty yummy!

via GIPHY

Carve a pumpkin with your kids, if you don’t mind the mess. Or, you can skip the carving and paint your pumpkins, which can be just as fun. Unless you want to roast your own pumpkin seeds. Then you will need to carve them.

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Light some pumpkin candles…or get your pumpkin-scented Scentsy or both! It’s the time of year for all the fall scents. They are the best, from applies to pumpkin to fall nights!

via GIPHY

Hopefully, by the time you read this, it feels like fall where you live too. I am hoping we get our fall weather any day now. So I can break out my sweaters and put my shorts back into my closet 🙂

What is your favorite part of fall???

What To Look For In A Military Spouse BFF

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What To Look For In A Military Spouse BFF

As a new Army wife, I didn’t know a whole lot about the military lifestyle. Sure, I knew the basics, but standing at our first duty station in Schweinfurt, Germany, I had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. I can remember standing there, watching a group of soldiers going by, and knowing everything had changed for us.

I was lucky though. Within those first months of being an Army wife in Germany, I found friends. I found other spouses who not only knew what military life was like but going through the same thing I was. We were all getting ready for a deployment, the first deployment for many of us, and we knew we could do it together.

I honestly am not sure what I would have done or how I could have gotten through that deployment without my military spouse friends. Although things were not always perfect, and there was drama, of course, there was drama, having people to go through a deployment with helped us all make it through what would turn out to be one of the longest deployments.

Over the years, I have made friends at every step of the way. From my best friend in Germany to my current circle here at Fort Campbell. From military spouse bloggers to some of the amazing people I have met through blogging and social media in all parts of the world.

I know for me, finding friends is the easy part. Finding best friends is not.

Finding best friends takes a lot of work, and yet you can’t force that. You can’t exactly walk up to someone and claim them as your best friend, can you? Best friends just happen sometimes, and even if you like someone else, they might not be the person to fit that role.

So what qualities make up a Military best friend? How do you know they are the one to fit that part of your life?

Here are a few things to think about when you are out there, making new friends: 

That you click

As I look back over my closest friendships, they all have one thing in common. We clicked. Sometimes we click right away. We met, and before we knew it, we were making plans like we had known each other forever.

In other cases, clicking took more time. There isn’t one set way to click with someone else, but once you do, you will know that there is a special friendship forming and that is a good thing.

That your kids get along

It’s hard to find a friend with kids sometimes. Your kids might not get along. You might not get along with their kids. They might not mesh well.

I don’t think all of your friend’s kids have to click with your kids but for a Military spouse BFF, it is an excellent thing to have. You will be spending a lot of time together without your spouses around. You can have sleepovers and go on trips together.

As your kids get older, I think there is more room for friendships that do not involve them, but when your kids are young and tend to always be with you, you tend to come as a full package. A good best friend will be loving towards you and your children.

That you can vent to them

If you have ever been through a deployment, you know that some days you just have to vent. If you can’t do that with someone, it is going to be hard for them to be your buddy during the deployment. You need someone who you can vent to, and that isn’t going to come back with a “suck it up and don’t talk to me about that anymore” type of attitude.

While no one likes it when all someone does is complain about their lives, we all need a safe place to go to let off steam. Whether we are annoyed that our husband can’t seem to put his laundry in the laundry basket or are upset that he is once again going to miss something important, finding friends who let us vent during military life is a good thing.

That you can depend on them

I have a very hard time asking for help, even when I need that help. I want to try to get everything done myself if possible. However, sometimes things happen, and I have to call someone to help me.

Having a best friend to call to help you out and not have it become an awkward situation is a good thing. Whether it is because your child needs to go to the ER, your car breaks down, or you need emergency babysitting help. Knowing you won’t be totally alone when that happens can take a lot of the worry out of a situation.

That you can trust them

The military, especially at the branch level, is a small small world. You will find this to be true when you have been a military spouse for a few years. Your neighbor at Fort Bliss knows your old neighbor from Fort Campbell. You were stationed in Germany with your FRG leader’s best friend. You are reunited with your friend from three duty stations ago, in Italy of all places.

Because of this, it is really important to be able to find people that you can trust. Rumors can get started. Maybe your brother is coming to visit, but all people see is a man coming in and out of your house when your husband is deployed. People are not always honest, and some people do like to start drama. 

When looking for your military spouse best friend, you have to be able to trust them. You don’t want to share your deepest worries to find out that now half of the FRG knows about them. Use caution and be the type of friend you would want to meet yourself.

If all of us can do this, the military spouse world will be a much better place overall.

Making friends is something all Military spouses have to do. There have been times during my husband’s military career when I didn’t feel like I had a good friend circle. And that just made military life a lot harder.

While finding and making those best friends can be difficult at times, working to find them is a good goal. Yes, you might have to put yourself out there more than you are comfortable with. Yes, you might encounter people that just want to be about the drama. Don’t let that stop you. Finding a military spouse best friend will be worth the search.

What do you look for in a military spouse best friend???

A Military Spouse For All Seasons

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It’s fall! As I look out the window I can see the colors of the trees. I love how beautiful the fall in Tennessee is. Watching the leaves change is also a reminder of a new season approaching and the old one letting go.

As military spouses, our lives can be broken up into seasons. At first, we are a new spouse, asking all the questions. Then we become more seasoned and find ourselves offering advice.

We go through seasons of deployment, then reintegration, and then deployment once again. Hoping that we can take what we have learned from the past and apply it to the future. Hoping the next deployment is a little easier, even if deployments don’t work that way.

We go through seasons of pcsing. Our spouse gets orders to a new place. We research and learn as much as we can. We prepare and countdown the days. Then moving day arrives and we travel to our new home.

At first, we don’t know where anything is and have to ask for directions to the PX. But time passes and we find our community. We find our place. Knowing that there will be another PCS again in the future.

We go through seasons of “normal” life when our spouse comes home from work just like other spouses do. We spend the weekends together as a family, and life just goes on. But we can’t completely relax because we know things can and will change again in the future.

We find new friends and get to know one another, getting excited about what we have in common. If we are lucky we can spend years together, knowing one day the military will cause us to have to part. But we cherish the time we have together as much as we can because we know how quickly things can change.

As the seasons change, so do our lives. We might live in the south, soaking up the humidity, and swatting away the bugs, and the next year we will be sitting by a fire in Germany, wondering when the snow will actually melt.

The seasons with our kids change as well. That first deployment we might have babies, and by the fifth one, teenagers. No two deployments are the same and this is one of the biggest reasons why. The seasons of our lives have changed and so do our challenges.

As you go through these changes, remember, the bad seasons do not last forever and through them, there are so many lessons for us to learn. During the easier seasons of life, we might be able to reach out and help others on their own military journey.

If you are sick of your duty station, don’t worry, seasons will change and you will be on the move once again.

If you are sick of a deployment, remember, the days do pass and you will be at the end, and into a new season of them being home.

If you are struggling with your kids, struggling with work, or struggling in general, you can find ways to help. You can figure out what you can do to make life a little easier. And you can remember that this is just a season in your life, and things won’t always be this way.

I know this fall season that I love will pass quickly. One day I will look up at the trees and see most of them have lost their colors. I will start needing a jacket everywhere I go, and might even see some snowflakes. This will be a reminder to me that seasons change in the world, just like they do in my military life.

What season are you going through right now?