Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Military Life

The Best Advice I Can Give To a Military Spouse

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Happy to have this guest post by Megan on her best advice for a military spouse.

The best advice I can give a new military spouse is to brace yourself. Being a military spouse is hard work. It does not matter what branch, what rank, if you’re full-time, guard, or reserve. Military life is a big adjustment and you cannot prepare yourself for it.

I married my husband 5 years ago. He is in the Army National Guard and we were part-time. He had a civilian job, went to drill one weekend a month, and training two weeks a year. Or that’s what I was told.

After we were married things changed very quickly. Suddenly, he was putting on a uniform every day and going to work at the armory. There were schools he went to that lasted a month or more. There were classes he would travel to go to.

For Hurricane duty, he would pack a bag at a moment’s notice, leave and I didn’t know when he would be back. Annual training went from two weeks to three and then to four weeks. Before I knew it, he was gone all the time.

One year, from January to August he was only home for 10 weeks. Now I am in our first deployment and that really shocked me to the core. Even though I was used to him not being home, deployment created several new issues I had not planned on having to struggle with. It is hard being the only adult making decisions and trying to roll through whatever Murphy’s Law is throwing at you.

The Best Advice I Can Give To a Military Spouse

So, the advice I give to spouses I talk with is to:

  • Breathe…..take it one day at a time.
  • If you can’t take it day by day, that’s ok. Take it hour by hour, minute by minute. You do whatever you need to do to survive that day.
  • Every day will get a little easier and so will the next and the next. Before long you will be a professional conquering Murphy’s Law and navigating through the military world.
  • Find your tribe, lean on other spouses. Other spouses are your best resource for information and support. They might not be in the same boat, but they are in the same storm.
  • Most importantly…..take care of you!! If you are not taking care of yourself, you cannot take care of anyone else.

Best of luck to all new military spouses. I hope you enjoy this life as much as I do.

My name is Megan Davis. I have a full-time paying job and volunteer jobs that I love. I currently work as a Personnel Supervisor at Westaff where I match people in my community looking for jobs with companies looking for workers. I volunteer as the Family Readiness Group Leader for the 2-108 CAV Squadron in Shreveport. I work with Military Spouse Advocacy Network (MSAN) mentoring other National Guard Spouses. Following these passions, I was recognized as the 2020-2021 Louisiana National Guard Spouse of the Year. I love helping people, specifically military spouses. One of my main goals is to make sure military spouses know they are not alone when trying to navigate through the military world. I want to help give them the courage to speak out and help build a support system for them so they can make it through all the crazy things the military life throws at us. I am also a student at the University of Louisiana at Monroe for my bachelor’s degree in risk management. Graduating from ULM has been my biggest goal for years and I am proud to say I am almost there.

Want to write a guest post??? Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life is looking for guest posts! Have something interesting you want to write about the military spouse community? Have advice for new military spouses? Want to share about your duty station? Want to share your story? 

 If so…please fill out my Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life Guest Post Form here! 

What I Wish I Knew Before My Spouse Became a Recruiter

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Happy to have this guest post by April on her experiences while her spouse was a military recruiter. Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know if you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life too.

Recruiting duty, like a lot of other things in the military, has some awesome perks but also some tough drawbacks.

Before my husband volunteered, all I knew was he was non-deployable, and that was pretty dang important after coming off of a year being separated because of his PCS to Korea for which I was not approved to go with.

I didn’t know anyone who had been a recruiter who I could talk to in order to gain somewhat of a perspective of what to expect. So, we were basically going in blind. My husband was stationed in Central Oregon, nowhere near a military installation.

Here are four things I wish I knew going into recruiting duty, and I hope they will help prepare you better than I was.

1) Recruiting duty is stressful, and the hours are long.

There were many 14-16 hour days, 6-day workweeks, and overnights to trainings and MEPS. I was thankful we were together as a family, but I was not prepared for how much the job would take a toll on my spouse. It was all about numbers and making so many phone call attempts, which left my husband little control over his schedule, and that left me never knowing when he would be home or when he might have to leave overnight.

There is definitely some of that in the regular Army, but the unpredictability of the daily schedule taught me to just let go, or at least attempt to let go, of all expectations of a standard mealtime or time when my husband would walk through the front door. He also had a government phone, and so he was constantly getting phone calls and texts from coworkers and applicants. 

2) The service member is non-deployable!

The biggest perk for me, coming off of a year apart with a small child, was that my husband was never gone for more than a few months at a time. We had another baby while he was on recruiting because we could guarantee he would be home for the birth. It was glorious to not have to worry about a deployment for three years.

3) You may be stationed nowhere near a military installation.

The closest one to us was a four-hour drive, and so we didn’t get any of the amenities we were used to when we had a post nearby. Groceries were more expensive, and childcare was difficult to find. Because of not being near a military installation, there was a sense of isolation.

We didn’t have a ton of military families who knew what we were going through close by that we could lean into for support and friendship, and there wasn’t a post that had activities we could go to in order to stay busy or meet other people. We had to work really hard, and in ways we hadn’t had to before, in order to build a community around us.

4) Yes, you may not be near a military installation, but help is out there!

You should still have a SFRG, you probably will rarely see them in person. There should be a representative for families at some level, you might just have to ask around to find that person. And there are spouses that are already there and have been there a while, ask them! They will know which grocery store has the cheapest groceries and possibly a good daycare for your child. You just have to be brave and ask around.

Recruiting duty is unique in a lot of ways, good and hard. Being on the tail end of it, I can see all the great things it allowed our family to do, and in the ways, it pushed us out of our comfort zones. 

April is a mom to two girls, wife to a soldier turned Air National Guard member and lives in Central Oregon. Her husband transitioned from active duty to the guard last year, and they are very much still in the trenches of transition. She loves to read, write, and be outdoors in their beautiful state. Military life is hard, and she has a passion for making it easier for others, however she can. You can find her at Mercy and Healing.

What You Should Know About Getting Through the Pre-Deployment Period

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Before They Leave For a Deployment 

I had only been a military spouse for about 10 months when my husband left on his first deployment. 4.5 of those months were spent in the US while he waited for me and my son in Germany. I wasn’t surprised about him deploying, he was in the Army, deployments were apart of the deal.

I just didn’t totally know what to expect. It was one thing to be apart from your husband when he was on a military post in Germany, waiting to join him, quite another when he would be in a war zone in Iraq.

We did have a few months to prepare for the deployment. I arrived in Germany at the end of March and already we knew a deployment was going to happen. At that time we didn’t know the exact dates but that yes, a deployment was coming. By the summer we had a much better idea of when they would be leaving and us wives started to band together knowing we would need one another to get through the long months ahead.

I remember the day clearly. My friend had come to visit from Austria and we were sitting around talking with my husband. The phone rang, which usually meant my parents were calling but not this time. This call was from someone in the Unit. They were letting me know that orders had been cut and that my husband would be officially deploying in exactly a month.

I got off the phone and took a deep breath. The deployment was really happening.

What You Should Know About Getting Through the Pre-Deployment Period

Even if you know that your spouse is going to deploy, accepting the reality of them leaving can be difficult.

There is so much to think about. Will they be safe? What will they be doing? What will I do when they are gone? What about the children?

The time leading up to your deployment might be very stressful and that is normal. There is a lot that needs to happen and a lot that you want to happen. For some, this means one more trip home, a special family photo, or one more trip to the zoo, your family’s favorite place to go together.

As a spouse, you are aware that every minute you have together is precious and that once they leave, you will no longer get to have them.

What can do you during those weeks and days before the deployment?

Here are some ideas:

Be Helpful

Your spouse is going to need your help. They might need you to not make so many plans on the weekends leading up to their deployment date. They might need you to scale back on certain things or they might need help getting all their gear together.

Make sure to ask and let your spouse know that you are there for what they might need. In return, make sure you are open and honest about what you need from them. Maybe you need more daily kisses, maybe you need to have more movie nights. Talk things out so that you both know what each other need in the time before the deployment begins.

Be Patient

Patience is going to help you during the pre-deployment period. A lot of military couples fight during this time because of the stress level. Try not to worry too much when you see them packing their bags. Enjoy the time you still have together and try not to rush those days away. Be patient about work schedules before the deployment.

Sometimes they do have to work late, even just a few days before they have to go. Other times they will get off early and even have days off. Just know that you may or may not have a lot of time together before the deployment and that can be up to the Command, not your spouse.

Be Understanding

Getting ready to leave your family to go do something you trained for isn’t easy. Even though your spouse has a job to do, they are going to miss you and everything about the life you had created together. The pre-deployment period can be hard for them and they might not know how to act.

The closer they are to you before they leave, the harder it can be for them to go. Service members and even military spouses pull away a bit before a deployment because of that. They don’t want to make the goodbye more painful than it already is.

Be understanding of this and try not to take certain things personally. Sometimes the behavior is just the deployment talking.

Make Memories

Spend the weeks before the deployment making a lot of memories. Plan a trip, go on a lot of day trips, take a lot of photos and spend a lot of family time together.

If you have small kids and you know finding a babysitter once he is gone will be difficult, plan some time out with your friends when your husband is still home to watch them. You will be glad you did when you are months into solo parenting after the deployment has started.

Prepare the Children

If you have kids and they are old enough to understand what your spouse will be doing, have some talks about what will be happening beforehand. With smaller children, you don’t have to tell them what is going to happen but make sure you are there for them when they do start to ask for the other parent.

You can get Daddy Dolls and put up photos of your spouse in their bedroom. You can make a book of photos that are safe for babies and older children might appreciate something similar as well.

Some of the hardest parts of a deployment can be when your children miss their mom or dad. That can break your heart but luckily there are a lot of resources out there to help you. Sesame Street has a great program for deployed children and there are many children’s books about deployment that you can buy to have on hand.

Keep in mind too that different children might react differently based on their ages and their personalities. As the deployment begins you will start to see what might bother them and what they might be okay with.

Have a few date nights

If you are able to, plan a few date nights before they have to leave. Go out and spend time together as a couple. Enjoy one another.

Talk about your expectations during the time you are going to be apart. Talk about what you will do if you hit a hard period during the deployment.

Have fun on your dates too. See a movie, take a walk, go bowling. Do fun things you know you might miss when they are away.

Find Your People

You are going to need to find your people to help you through a deployment. Your people can be the neighbors on your streets, the moms in your playgroup, or even a good Facebook group of others that understand.

For me, finding that FRG was a must for our first deployment. They were a great group of women and being that we were all stationed in Germany together we created a second family of people to connect with and spend the deployment with.

This isn’t always the case and wasn’t in later deployments. Sometimes I had a close best friend, and other times I just had to stay busy as much as I could, depending on emotional help from family and friends who lived far away. Each deployment is going to look a little different but you will want to find a few people you can depend on while your spouse is away.

Any military spouse who has gone through a deployment can tell you, the pre-deployment period is not going to be easy. There is a lot to be stressed and anxious about during this time. Do your best to get through those days and weeks and know that once the deployment starts, the countdown can begin.

Blog Posts On Deployment

Someones hearing someone else’s story is super helpful in getting through the pre-deployment or deployment period. Here are a few blog posts from both Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life and other military spouses to help you through:

So You Just Found Out You’re Pregnant, And Your Spouse is Deploying

For the MilSpouse Right in the Middle of a Deployment

Just Keep Swimming Military Spouse, Just Keep Swimming

The Emotional Cycle of Deployment: Pre-Deployment

15 Must-Do Things to Prepare for Deployment

5 Tough Conversations To Have BEFORE Deployment

Parent’s Guide to the Military Child During Deployment and Reunion

Pre-Deployment Checklist for Military Spouses

50+ Questions to Ask Your Spouse Before a Deployment

How do you prepare for a deployment?

10 Gifts for the MilSpouse Book Lover

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I know many of you love to read like I do. There is nothing better than diving into a new book. So whether you have a gift card burning a hole in your pocket, or shopping for another milspouse friend or family member, here are 10 gifts for the MilSpouse Book Lover:

I get commissions for purchases made through some of the links in this post.

Book of the Month Subscription

I have been subscribing to Book of the Month for almost five years now, and I love it. Book of the Month is a book subscription service where each month you get to chose a hardback book from five selections. One of the things I love about the Book of the Month subscription is that if you don’t like any of the books on a certain month, you can easily skip. If you like more than one, you can add up to two add-ons. And after 12-months as a subscriber, you become a BFF with special perks. I LOVE being able to pick out a new book once a month. You can sign up here, and if you love books as I do, you will be glad you did 🙂

Bookmarks

I LOVE cute bookmarks. There are so many amazing creators out there, making bookmarks based on anything. From favorite books to favorite phrases. Just head on over to Etsy and see what you can find. I have ordered some cute bookmarks from BOOGandBEAN and BookmarksAndBites.

Bookish Socks

I love cute socks! And there are some super cute socks for book lovers out there. These Lavley Nerd Socks are SO fun!!!

Military Spouse Fiction

Are you a fan of military spouse fiction? Here are some authors that write about military spouse fiction or military life fiction:

A Kindle Paperwhite

I LOVE my Paperwhite. If you are going to get a Kindle to read on, the Paperwhite is the best choice. You won’t feel like you are reading on a computer or phone, which is so nice. The newest version is waterproof and I use the light every night when reading in bed.

A Kindle Paperwhite case

If you are going to get a new Kindle, you need a pretty new case. And there are many to choose from. Most of them are pretty affordable too. Just make sure the case you are buying fits your model of Kindle. I just bought myself this pretty one.

100 Books Scratch Off Poster

This is such a neat idea! The 100 Books Scratch Off Poster- Top Reads of All Time Bucket List. Put it on your wall, and once you read the book, scratch it off.

A Bookish Tee

What’s better than a bookish tee? There are so many to choose from. I love this “My Weekend is All Booked T Shirt.” It pretty much describes my life.

A Reading Journal

Tracking what you read can be a fun way to remember your reading year. And they make some amazing reading journals. For example, this Bibliophile Reader’s Journal by Jane Mount, with beautiful illustrations.

It’s Time For The Sixth Annual InDependent Wellness Summit

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I love going on walks. Back when my children could fit in a stroller, I loved to take them out and walk all over the place. When we were in Germany, during our first two deployments, I walked everywhere.

Just getting out for a bit, was helpful. But beyond on, the walks helped with my wellness and allowed me to get into shape. They helped with my anxiety and allowed me to really see Germany in a different light, not just from the windows of a car.

Walking allowed me to be out in nature, and to take a breather when life got stressful. And military life did quite stressful during those years. My husband ended up deploying for 15 months, with a year home, and then off for another year-long deployment. I had a new baby, that soon grew to a toddler as well as a young toddler that grew into a preschooler.

I look back on those years and know that the walking saved me. And in the moment, I didn’t even realize how helpful the walking really was. I didn’t even realize how much I was helping myself with my daily walks.

Wellness is so important to focus on during our military spouse life. Whether it is mental, physical, or emotional. This life can be filled with twists and turns, and being able to make time for ourselves is so important. Self-care, and taking care of our own bodies is so very important.

One way you can do so is by attending the sixth annual InDependent Wellness Summit! This will be virtual, from March 1-6th, 2021.

This summit will allow you to gain insight from 10 expert interviews encouraging you with actionable and practical ways to nourish, rest, and rejuvenate.

Registration is now open. General admission will be free but there is also an All-Access ticket avaliable. You can get 30% off of this ticket by registering through my link.

Do so here—>>> https://iws21bewell.eventbrite.com/?aff=swcl&discount=AMBIWS21

What do you get with an All-Access pass? You will receive an entry to a private Wellness Lounge, enjoy a virtual swag bag, and will be eligible to win exclusive giveaways!

Sign up today!

What Military Spouses Can Learn From Martin Luther King Jr.

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What Military Spouses Can Learn From Martin Luther King Jr.

Today is Martin Luther King Jr. day. A day to stop and remember this man, and what he stood for. A Day to stop and think about what his actions did to work towards the change that was so badly needed. A Day to serve and help others, to continue what he stood for.

Martin Luther King knew what freedom meant and that not everyone was being treated equally. He changed history for the better and he will always be remembered. We can learn so much from his words, to help our country, and ourselves.

Martin Luther King Jr NYWTS 5

By Herman Hiller / New York World-Telegram & Sun [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

As we think of Martin Luther King Jr. today, I thought it would be interesting to look at some of his quotes and see how we, as military spouses can apply them to our own lives. How we can be better people, based on things he has said.

“Faith is taking the first step even when you can’t see the whole staircase.” 

When we start a new deployment or PCS to a new location, we have to have faith that we can get through it. We have to have faith that we will make things work for ourselves. Even if we can’t see how we will actually do so.

“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.”

It’s so important for us as military spouses to be aware of our racial biases and work through them. To stop and listen to others that may have walked a different road. And to work towards King’s dream, in our own everyday lives.

“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.” 

Sometimes we are crawling through this life and other days we are flying. The point is, keep moving forward, no matter how fast or slow you are going. One day at a time.

Martin Luther King Jr NYWTS 4

By New York World-Telegram and the Sun staff photographer: Albertin, Walter, photographer. [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: Only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: Only love can do that.”

Hate can tear communities apart. Love brings them together. Even if you don’t get along with someone, even if they are not your cup of tea, hate is never going to make things better. As a military spouse community, we need to be bringing each other up, not tearing one another down.

“Everybody can be great … because anybody can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. You don’t have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.” 

Such a great reminder that you don’t have to have x, y, and z to help other people. This can apply to so many things, from volunteering for the FRG to being a supportive spouse while your loved one is away.

Martin-Luther-King-1964-leaning-on-a-lectern

By Trikosko, Marion S. [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

“Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a constant attitude.” 

Being able to forgive will help you go far in the military world. From your neighbors to your coworkers, to the other spouses you meet along the way. Not everyone will act the way we hope they would and being able to forgive will help you have a better experience.

“We must accept finite disappointment but never lose infinite hope.” 

This is so true for everyone but in the military world, disappointment can happen on a regular basis. The key is making lemonade out of the situation and not losing hope.

“No person has the right to rain on your dreams.”

Whatever your dreams are, whatever you have planned, don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t. Push through, make it work, and get creative.

As we think about Martin Luther King Jr. today, as we think about what he set forth to do, all that he accomplished, and what he hoped for, we can learn a lot about ourselves. We often say, if we were around during those years, we would have been on the side of justice. But the truth is, we can still be on the side of justice today. We can be kind to those we meet, we can stick up for one another, and through that, our own communities will become a better place.

5 Memes For Military Spouses This Holiday Season

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5 Memes For Military Spouses This Holiday Season

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, and Season’s Greetings. We made it to the holidays, which feels a little weird. On one hand, the holidays are supposed to be magical, but it’s 2020, so…I guess we have to see how it plays out.

As much as I want things to instantly get better once the clock hits midnight on January 1st, I know, that things might not actually change all that much for us. I have hope that we won’t be dealing with another year of a pandemic, but I just don’t have any idea when our current situation will be over. Sigh. And that’s so hard to think about.

As military spouses, we know that military life doesn’t always have the best timing. There will be years when your spouse will be deployed over Christmas. There will be years when they are home. There will be years when you don’t even have a home as you are PCSing during the holidays, and there are years when you will be able to invite your family and celebrate in the way you want to.

I get commissions for purchases made through some of the links in this post.

Add in a global pandemic, and things feel even more off. Still, I hope the holidays can bring you a little bit of joy. I hope that you can smile at least some of the time. Here are 5 memes for military spouses to help:

8 Memes For Military Spouses This Holiday Season

or California, or pretty much anywhere that refuses to have a White Christmas…TN I am looking at you 😉

Sometimes we have to take a deployment day by day, or even hour by hour. Deployments aren’t easy, but remember….you got this!

I have so been that girl, many times. And it isn’t the Christmas I wanted, but it was the Christmas I got. But at least I had my books.

YES!!! Put that under the tree please 🙂

I don’t know about you, but when I am going through something difficult, knowing I am not the only one going through it helps.

Whatever you do this holiday season, I hope you are able to make memories with your family, start new traditions, and connect together, even over the miles. As you look ahead to the new year, know that you can find ways to make it through anything that comes your way.

How are you celebrating the holidays this year?

Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life Interview with Conrad Palmisano, Vietnam Veteran turned Hollywood Stuntman, as seen in the docu-series Faceplant on MillionStories.com

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This past week, I had the privilege of interviewing Vietnam Veteran, Conrad Palmisano. After his time in the service, he went on to become a prolific Hollywood stuntman. Conrad is featured on the series, Faceplant.

Faceplant is a series that shares personal stories from people who discovered the value of failure in pursuit of their dreams. Hearing other people’s stories can be so encouraging, even if they have lived a life so different from our own. We can learn so much from other people if we take the time to listen.

Vietnam Veteran Conrad Palmisano

The Conrad Palmisano: From High School Dropout to Stuntman and Filmmaker episode follows Conrad, who has over 250 credits to his name. We hear about how dealing with being bullied as a young child, the Vietnam War, and the Marine Corps prepared him for future career challenges.

Watch my interview with Conrad as he talks more about his life including some of his favorite jobs as a stuntman, how one decision can totally change your life and lead to better things, and some amazing advice for all of us.

You can check out Conrad’s story and many others in the docu-series Faceplant on MillionStories.com