Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

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The Joys of the Modern Military Spouse Life

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The Joys of the Modern Military Spouse Life

Thank goodness for grocery delivery. It’s a blessing! Not only for myself but for all the parents with small children, going through a deployment, who loathe having to take their kids to the grocery store with them.

I have been there so many times. Put the baby in my baby carrier, put a toddler in the cart, hoping they won’t open anything, and make your older child walk beside you. Going to a grocery store with all your kids is a big chore. And it isn’t very fun.

But, thanks to modern life, you no longer have to if you don’t want to. Your spouse can be deployed for a year and you might never have to attempt the grocery store with kids the whole time they are gone.

This got me thinking, what else is different about being a military spouse today, versus in the past? What else has changed to make life a little easier for us? What should we celebrate, even in the midst of hard deployment days?

Communication

Communication has changed so much. Way back in World War II, the only way my grandparents communicated with each other was through letters on paper, sent across the ocean in the mail, only to be delivered weeks later. I have some of these letters and they really are so sweet to read, but just imagining that those letters were it, as far as communication went, is hard to wrap my mind around.

We can get frustrated when we can’t talk to our spouse all the time, but at least we can talk to them, on the phone, in real time. Or we can video chat. Or even send an email.

Even during my time as a military spouse things have changed. During our first two deployments, if my husband called, he called our house phone and would have to leave a message if I wasn’t home. These days, I basically carry him in my pocket if he is away from home.

And amazing as all this communication is, I think when we can’t communicate this way, we can get even more frustrated. We expect to talk every day, text every day, communicate every day, and when we can’t, that can be frustrating.

Try to remember how things used to be and how far we have come, even if you are going a few days without talking to your spouse.

Social Media

Back in the day, you made friends in person. Only in person. If you moved somewhere new, you couldn’t join a community ahead of time online. There was no online.

When I was 16 years old, my dad came home with a free trial of CompuServe. This was my very first experience with the internet. Of being on a computer, and connecting with other, real people, in other parts of the country, and even the world. My mind was blown.

These days, I carry that technology in my pocket. I am closer to some friends I met online than to some of my family members, simply because of social media. If a friend moves away, we can still easily keep in touch, and I talk over text with my best friend all day long.

Social media has really changed everything and there is no turning back. And while there are some issues with social media in general, social media can help me make friends, stay connected with the people I care about and learn more about any subject I am interested in.

Social media is life changing, and for us military spouses, a way to really connect with others, in ways we otherwise might not be able to.

Military Spouse Culture

Military spouse culture has also changed over the years. You no longer have to be a stay at home mom, just because your spouse joined the military. You no longer have to fit in a specific box.

You can figure out ways to work on your own career while your spouse is working on theirs. While there is still so much that can be done, military spouse employment can still be a huge issue, we have come a long way.

In addition to the military spouse employment issues, military spouses are more diverse than they have ever been before. We don’t all fit into the same mold. Not every military spouse is a woman and not every military spouse is married to a man. There is no one way to be a military spouse, all that is required is to love a service member.

We can be nostalgic about the past, sometimes those years can seem so romantic or easier than our modern life, but there is something to the way technology has changed, and the way people are treated, that makes me excited to be a military spouse in today’s world.

Even in the 13 years I have been a military spouse, things have changed. Through the little things, my life has become a little bit easier. And that is something to be excited about.

What is your most favorite modern convenience when it comes to your military spouse life?

When Military Life is New

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When Military Life is New

When military life is new, everything thing seems so strange.

You learn quickly that nothing really makes sense the way you think it should make sense. You learn quickly that patience is going to be needed. You learn quickly that some days are going to get you pretty frustrated and there will be nothing you can do about the situation but wait.

And there will be a lot of waiting…

Waiting on orders. Waiting on people. Waiting for something good to actually happen.

There will be a lot of wondering…

Wondering where you will live. Wondering what a deployment will be like. Wondering if this new life will be as difficult as you think it might be.

As you join this new community, you can’t help but meet new people, from all over the country, even from different parts of the world.

You will make friends with some of them, and some of those friends will turn into family, as you get through deployments and separations together, making memories along the way.

You will learn new skills, and apply them to new situations. You will figure out how to get a house ready for the movers with only two-weeks notice. You will figure out how to pull everything together when at first you didn’t think you could.

When military life is new, you can get pretty worried about deployments.

Before your first one, you might assume that being away from your significant other is too difficult. You might assume that you are not strong enough to get through the time away. But you will find that you are strong enough and that you can do hard things, even things you didn’t think were possible.

There will be homecomings and celebrations. You will sometimes think about how different your life is now, and all the amazing experiences you have gained from it. There will be good days and bad ones.

And as one deployment comes to an end, you will feel the confidence that you can do anything that comes your way. There might be bumps in the road, but you will get creative and figure out how to best go forward.

When military life is new, unknown words can confuse you.

You might not know the MWR from the DFAC, but you will soon figure these military acronyms out. At the same time, after 15 years you might hear phrases and still don’t know what they mean. This is all a part of this life.

You will figure out the right times to go to the Commissary, and how to tip the baggers. You will figure out if the PX is worth shopping at, and what events are worth going to. You will learn about your FRG and decide how much you want to be a part of that.

You will learn about OPSEC and PERSEC and TRICARE. You will figure out what to say and what not to say. What you put out there on social media, especially about a deployment matters.

When military life is new, you will daydream about going off to Europe, Hawaii, and Japan.

You will soon learn that you might end up in Texas, Alabama, and the desert of California. There really are so many different options for a military career. And you don’t always get a say in the matter.

And wherever you PCS to, you will figure out how to bloom where you are stationed, and find the good in a place you might not want to be. You will get to explore places you never thought you would ever go. You will have to leave your comfort zone, but find amazing things when you do.

And when it comes time to leave, to PCS somewhere new, you might not want to go. You might want to stay forever. But you know this isn’t possible and you know it will be time to move on.

When military life is new, you will soon learn how much this military life will surprise you.

From the amazing friends that you will meet!

To the places you will get to go!

To the love you will feel at every homecoming, and all the little moments this life brings.

If you are new to this life, welcome. Being a military spouse can be such a wonderful thing. While some days will be harder than others, know that you have joined an amazing community. Know that you have people to walk this life with, no matter what this life brings.

How long have you been a military spouse?

Where Does the Modern Military Spouse Fit In?

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Where Does the Modern Military Spouse Fit In?

My husband joined the military back in 2005. These were heavy Iraq and Afghanistan days. Deployments were long and the breaks between were way too short. This was my intro to military life, and the years following shaped me into who I am today.

I was also a SAHM. Choosing to be home vs working on my career, at least for the first few years. We were stationed in Germany and at the time, I just wanted to be home with my boys. However, it was in that environment where I gave birth to this blog, which has led me to my career as a freelance writer.

This type of job fits in easily with military life. We no longer move, but if we did, if we had to be stationed somewhere else, I could take my career with me, as many of my active duty spouse friends do. So many spouses have made their careers work through military life, working on their own dreams within the crazy that this life brings.

During my early years as a military spouse, I was surrounded by the military pretty much 24/7. I depended on them for everything it seemed. From the schools my son went to, to where I bought groceries, to where I got my mail. We lived and breathed it.

There were FRG meetings, and balls to attend, and military events. So many of the spouses I met along the way were SAHMs or those who worked part-time. This fits in well with the military culture which seems to assume that if a service member is married, their spouse is at home, tending to everything they can’t.

But times change. People change. And I am not sure as many military spouses are choosing to stay home. I am not sure as many military spouses want to give up a career for their service member. If their spouse wants to join the military, they expect to be able to keep their own career path, and I don’t think that is asking too much.

The military needs to figure out how to embrace the modern military spouse. Yes, some spouses will still want to be stay-at-home parents, and that is totally fine, but if a spouse chooses not to be, can their service member still serve? Will they just walk away?

What about the FRG? Run by so many volunteers. How will that structure change with the needs of the modern military? What can be done to take that burden off of the military spouse volunteer and still provide the services that military communities need?

Will the military put money behind any of this? Will they care or just assume that things will always stay the same? Will they just assume that even within the modern military there are enough military spouses to fill in those gaps?

Age is another factor. More people are waiting longer to get married. How does this impact the military community? How will this shape the future of military culture?

I am not sure what needs to be done but taking the spouse’s career path in mind is important. Maybe making the norm of being at one duty station 5 years instead of 3 would be a great start? That would allow the spouse to put down some roots, at least for a time. I just have to believe there is more that can be done.

I know I am not the only one who has thought about the future of the military and the military spouse. There is a lot that needs to be done. There is a lot that needs to change. But the question is, with those who have the power to change things work to do so?

What do you think needs to be changed about the military in general to reflect a more modern military culture???

The Blessing Of A Military Marriage

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The Blessing Of A Military Marriage

I do a lot of reflecting sometimes. I have always kept a journal and I like to think about where we have been as a couple and a family and where we are going. We have had to make a lot of choices over the years.

When to have kids. To move across the country. To join the military. To buy a house. To stay in Tennessee. To join the National Guard.

Sometimes it is way too easy to look back and think we shouldn’t have made certain choices. However, I don’t like to look at my life like that. Is it possible we made bad choices in the past? Yes. Does that mean the rest of our lives are messed up? No.

One of the biggest life-changing choices we made was for my husband to re-enlist in the military at age 30. It was something that we talked about for months beforehand. We had no idea what life would be like as a military family.

As I think back over the last 18 years as a Military spouse, I think in the end there have been many blessings in our marriage because of military life. Don’t get me wrong. Would I have preferred to have a husband who had never left us? Perhaps, but that wasn’t how life has been for us. 

For the last 18 years, we have said goodbye to each other too many times to count. I have been in solo parenting land off and on and that gets to me. I never thought I would be parenting alone so much of the time. This life hasn’t been easy.

But at the end of the day, there are blessings in a Military marriage.

We know what missing our spouse is like. Can you imagine never missing your spouse? I can’t.

I am not sure what that would be like? After so much time in this lifestyle, I can’t even wrap my mind around never having to miss him.  

I think missing someone can grow the relationship in a way nothing else can. If your spouse is gone and you don’t miss them at all, what does that say? It tells you something isn’t quite right. It tells you that there is probably a reason why you don’t and you and your spouse need to figure it out.

Homecomings can be the highlight of our Military experience. The feeling you get when you see your spouse again is hard to explain unless you have been through a long separation. Knowing that the months of waiting and worrying has come to a close and knowing you will finally be back in each other’s arms can be the spark that your marriage needs.

Watching your spouse in their uniform can be inspiring. You know they are doing something good in the world and you are there to support them through the mission. Knowing that you and your spouse are a part of history, and working to make the world a better place is a good feeling. There is just something about feeling that way that can help your marriage thrive.

I remember during one of our R&Rs my husband told us that through these deployments we will become that much stronger. I think this is the case for us but I know the reality that it isn’t always the case. I think deployments either make you stronger as a couple or can cause you to break.

If you are new to military life and are worried a bit about your marriage, keep in mind that there are blessings of a Military marriage. As hard as the lifestyle might be, they are there if you look for them. Hopefully, over the years, you will be able to look back and see them. I know we have.

How do you feel that the military has blessed your marriage?

For the Military Spouse Who Can’t Go Home For Christmas

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For the Military Spouse Who Can't Go Home For Christmas

I get commissions for purchases made through some of the links in this post.

When we first got married we decided that we would switch off each holiday. One year we would spend Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with his. Then the next year we would switch.

This worked well for three years. Then we moved and my husband joined the Army and that schedule went out the window. Among other things that changed when we became a military family.

As a military spouse, you sometimes have to let go of what you thought your life would look like. And that includes how you spend your holidays. One year your spouse might be deployed, and the next you could be PCSing from one part of the country to another. Your plans have to be flexible.

This year, however, we don’t have to feel as alone. This year, during a pandemic, everyone is being told to stay put. Everyone is being told to not travel during the holidays. We aren’t the only ones having to change the way we do things during this time of year.

A little bit of the pressure you might normally feel has been lifted, at least for 2020. Maybe you were dreading the long drive back home, or maybe the cost of airline tickets was hurting your pocketbook.

There are many reasons why going home for Christmas can be hard for military families. But at least this year, staying in your own home is more normal. At least this year, it is a lot more understandable to the civilian world why you would not be traveling around the holidays.

During a normal year, you still might feel like you just want to stay in your own home. Your spouse may be deployed, and the idea of traveling across the country with three kids is just too much. You might have just moved into a new home, and want to set up there instead of leaving everything to spend the holidays in someone else’s home.

Not being able to go home for Christmas can be emotional, no matter the reason. And this year, even more so. But even if that is what you have planned to do, you can still feel a bit disappointed by it.

You might miss the way you always got together with relatives for Christmas Eve. You might miss the last-minute holiday shopping you would do with your sister, or how you would bake Christmas cookies with your grandma and cousins.

If you can’t go home for Christmas this year, know you are not alone. So many families are staying local, and not traveling. So many families are having to pivot and change the way they do the holidays.

The good news is, there are so many things you can do from your very own home. Start some new traditions and enjoy the time you have together. Make the holidays the way you want them to be, after all, you are in your own home, and you can do exactly that.

Are you overseas? Try to incorporate some of the traditions from the country you are in. You can then take them back with you when you move back to the US.

Embrace not having to travel during the busiest travel days of the year. Think about how your children will have memories of waking up in their own beds on Christmas morning. We have been doing this for years, and I LOVE that my kids will have memories of waking up in their own homes and coming downstairs to see the Christmas magic.

You can’t always go home for Christmas and that is okay. You can still have a special Christmas filled with happy memories and moments with your own family. And you might find that being in your own home is exactly where you want to be for the holiday season.

Do you usually go home for Christmas? What will you be doing this year?

You Know You Are a Military Spouse When…

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You Know You Are a Military Spouse When…

Military spouse life is a unique experience. Whether you are stationed overseas in places like Japan or Germany, stationed in the US, or as a spouse of a National Guard or Reserves member.

The military life is one filled with highs and lows, twists and turns, unexpected blessings and unfortunate disappointments.

The the truth is, as a military community we can relate to many shared experiences. Here are a few of them:

You know you are a military spouse when…

You know your spouse’s social more than your own. You hardly have to use yours.

You cringe when your spouse comes home with “news”. Is it good news or bad news or what? Just tell me!

You know you have to avoid the Commissary on paydays and yet you find yourself there anyway. Whatcha gonna do?

You have friends in Bahrain, Japan, Germany, and England. And think it would be lovely if you could visit all of them but it might never happen because you are stuck in Kentucky.

You have a radar for all things “free childcare”.

You never want to write your dates in pen because they always seem to change, especially when it comes to leave dates.

You love that there is an amazing Walt Disney World discount but you just pray leave dates don’t change so you can make the trip.

You get tired of people asking if you will be coming home for Christmas because you don’t even know where you will be stationed in December and if that would mean a three-hour car ride or $4000 in plane tickets.

You have three children and they were all born in different continents.

You dream of going to Europe but the military sent you to New York instead.

Tricare is your friend and worst enemy.

Your living room looks like camo threw up all over it when your spouse is getting ready for deployment or other trainings.

You know the care package deal like the back of your hand, and can juggle a package, a toddler, and a baby, while in line at the post office.

You have your drill weekend traditions down to a science. So much so, that when drill weekend dates change, you aren’t sure if you are happy he will be home or a little disappointed your plans will have to wait.

You move so often, you have a specific list of tasks you know you have to do, and you get started on it immediately.

A business asks you for your zip code and you have to think a minute about which one to give them.

You accidentally give the gate guard your gym membership card and have to laugh at the silly joke they make to you about it.

You spend many of your holidays with friends because traveling home with three kids is a lot when your spouse is deployed.

You know you belong to a community of other spouses that overall are willing to support you and help you on your military life journey.

Twas the Night Before Christmas For the Military Spouse

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Twas the Night Before Christmas For the Military Spouse

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, no one was stirring, except one military spouse.

She knew what tonight was but wasn’t feeling the cheer; her husband of 12 years was simply not here.

He was serving his country on deployment #4; she simply couldn’t wait until April, when he would walk through the door.

Her kids were in bed, excited for the morning; they didn’t want to go despite her stern warning.

She looked at a picture taken last year when he was home beside her, and she didn’t have much to fear.

But this year was different, and he was far away, but she still wanted to try to have a wonderful Christmas day.

She put on some music, and finished her last chore, she loved her sweet family, down to the core.

Christmas was special and a time to love, and she would get through this deployment, with help from above.

Her husband was deployed, and that made her sad, but thinking of her children Christmas morning made her heart very glad.

She turned out the light and headed to bed, loving the lights of the tree, both green and red.

As hard as it was, she found her inner strength; she could handle this deployment, no matter the length.

Solo parenting was hard, and she hated missing him, but she knew in the end, it wasn’t so grim.

She had her friends and her children by her side and would take this deployment day by day, even if she sometimes cried.

Because one day in April, would be homecoming day, and she would load up her children in her van, not a sleigh.

And they would head to the gym, where they would need to wait, with the other spouses and children on this very important date.

As a military spouse, we can spend Christmas alone, but we do what we can to warm up our home.

She would spot him right away, standing in the crowd, and when it was time they would run to him proud.

So if you are a military spouse, with your love far away, I want you to know you will get through Christmas Day.

It might not be exactly like before, but Christmas has magic you just can’t ignore.

Merry Christmas to all and know that it’s true, you got this military spouse, you absolutely do.

10 Thoughts That Go Through Your Head During Thanksgiving

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10 Thoughts That Go Through Your Head During Thanksgiving

Raise your hand if you are completely ready for Thanksgiving. Well, you better be, the day is coming up very soon. You probably have a list of 100 things you have to do before the big day, or maybe, you are keeping things rather simple this year. Either way, Thanksgiving weekend can be interesting.

Here are 10 thoughts that might go through your head during Thanksgiving: 

“I hope I don’t forget anything!”

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If you are traveling during Thanksgiving, packing can be stressful! Will you remember everything? What if you forget something important? Is everything charged???

“Please no delays, please no delays, please no delays”

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You know you are traveling on the busiest travel day of the year. You are doing it solo this year, the husband is deployed once again, and you are just praying NOTHING gets delayed because the idea of being stuck in an airport longer than you should is terrifying.

“Crap, I forgot the green beans!”

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It’s Wednesday night, you are about to go to bed, and you remember you FORGOT THE GREEN BEANS! Crap, go to the store and battle the crowds? Or not make green bean casserole?

“Do I remember how to make a turkey?”

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Let’s face it, you only cook a turkey once a year. Do you still remember how to do it? Is it just like riding a bike?

“Maybe we should order a meal?”

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As you crawl out of bed at 6 am to get started with your day of cooking, you wonder if you should have just ordered a meal. Cracker Barrel has a good deal, don’t they?

“What the heck is he going to eat?”

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If you have a picky kid, you know Thanksgiving is always a challenge. Here is a roll kid, have fun not enjoying the best meal of the year.

“Time with family!”

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This could be good, this could be bad. Anytime the whole family gets together there is some kind of drama, but hey, at least we all get to be together, right?

“I really just want to eat”

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Cooking is done, and you just want to gobble up that yummy meal you helped make. Or made by yourself, whatever.

“I’m not doing the dishes!”

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The rule is, if you cooked the turkey, you don’t have to do the dishes. At least in our house 🙂

“Time to put up the tree?”

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“Mom, can we put the tree up? Mom, can we put the tree up? Mom, can we put the tree up?” The Christmas season has arrived, the holidays are in full swing, time to get started on all your Christmas shopping! Have fun!!!

However you are spending Thanksgiving, I hope you have a good one, filled with fun, good food, and family and friends 🙂

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