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For the Military Spouse Who Can’t Go Home For Christmas

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For the Military Spouse Who Can't Go Home For Christmas

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When we first got married we decided that we would switch off each holiday. One year we would spend Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with his. Then the next year we would switch.

This worked well for three years. Then we moved and my husband joined the Army and that schedule went out the window. Among other things that changed when we became a military family.

As a military spouse, you sometimes have to let go of what you thought your life would look like. And that includes how you spend your holidays. One year your spouse might be deployed, and the next you could be PCSing from one part of the country to another. Your plans have to be flexible.

This year, however, we don’t have to feel as alone. This year, during a pandemic, everyone is being told to stay put. Everyone is being told to not travel during the holidays. We aren’t the only ones having to change the way we do things during this time of year.

A little bit of the pressure you might normally feel has been lifted, at least for 2020. Maybe you were dreading the long drive back home, or maybe the cost of airline tickets was hurting your pocketbook.

There are many reasons why going home for Christmas can be hard for military families. But at least this year, staying in your own home is more normal. At least this year, it is a lot more understandable to the civilian world why you would not be traveling around the holidays.

During a normal year, you still might feel like you just want to stay in your own home. Your spouse may be deployed, and the idea of traveling across the country with three kids is just too much. You might have just moved into a new home, and want to set up there instead of leaving everything to spend the holidays in someone else’s home.

Not being able to go home for Christmas can be emotional, no matter the reason. And this year, even more so. But even if that is what you have planned to do, you can still feel a bit disappointed by it.

You might miss the way you always got together with relatives for Christmas Eve. You might miss the last-minute holiday shopping you would do with your sister, or how you would bake Christmas cookies with your grandma and cousins.

If you can’t go home for Christmas this year, know you are not alone. So many families are staying local, and not traveling. So many families are having to pivot and change the way they do the holidays.

The good news is, there are so many things you can do from your very own home. Start some new traditions and enjoy the time you have together. Make the holidays the way you want them to be, after all, you are in your own home, and you can do exactly that.

Are you overseas? Try to incorporate some of the traditions from the country you are in. You can then take them back with you when you move back to the US.

Embrace not having to travel during the busiest travel days of the year. Think about how your children will have memories of waking up in their own beds on Christmas morning. We have been doing this for years, and I LOVE that my kids will have memories of waking up in their own homes and coming downstairs to see the Christmas magic.

You can’t always go home for Christmas and that is okay. You can still have a special Christmas filled with happy memories and moments with your own family. And you might find that being in your own home is exactly where you want to be for the holiday season.

Do you usually go home for Christmas? What will you be doing this year?

You Know You Are a Military Spouse When…

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You Know You Are a Military Spouse When…

Military spouse life is a unique experience. Whether you are stationed overseas in places like Japan or Germany, stationed in the US, or as a spouse of a National Guard or Reserves member.

The military life is one filled with highs and lows, twists and turns, unexpected blessings and unfortunate disappointments.

The the truth is, as a military community we can relate to many shared experiences. Here are a few of them:

You know you are a military spouse when…

You know your spouse’s social more than your own. You hardly have to use yours.

You cringe when your spouse comes home with “news”. Is it good news or bad news or what? Just tell me!

You know you have to avoid the Commissary on paydays and yet you find yourself there anyway. Whatcha gonna do?

You have friends in Bahrain, Japan, Germany, and England. And think it would be lovely if you could visit all of them but it might never happen because you are stuck in Kentucky.

You have a radar for all things “free childcare”.

You never want to write your dates in pen because they always seem to change, especially when it comes to leave dates.

You love that there is an amazing Walt Disney World discount but you just pray leave dates don’t change so you can make the trip.

You get tired of people asking if you will be coming home for Christmas because you don’t even know where you will be stationed in December and if that would mean a three-hour car ride or $4000 in plane tickets.

You have three children and they were all born in different continents.

You dream of going to Europe but the military sent you to New York instead.

Tricare is your friend and worst enemy.

Your living room looks like camo threw up all over it when your spouse is getting ready for deployment or other trainings.

You know the care package deal like the back of your hand, and can juggle a package, a toddler, and a baby, while in line at the post office.

You have your drill weekend traditions down to a science. So much so, that when drill weekend dates change, you aren’t sure if you are happy he will be home or a little disappointed your plans will have to wait.

You move so often, you have a specific list of tasks you know you have to do, and you get started on it immediately.

A business asks you for your zip code and you have to think a minute about which one to give them.

You accidentally give the gate guard your gym membership card and have to laugh at the silly joke they make to you about it.

You spend many of your holidays with friends because traveling home with three kids is a lot when your spouse is deployed.

You know you belong to a community of other spouses that overall are willing to support you and help you on your military life journey.

Twas the Night Before Christmas For the Military Spouse

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Twas the Night Before Christmas For the Military Spouse

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, no one was stirring, except one military spouse.

She knew what tonight was but wasn’t feeling the cheer; her husband of 12 years was simply not here.

He was serving his country on deployment #4; she simply couldn’t wait until April, when he would walk through the door.

Her kids were in bed, excited for the morning; they didn’t want to go despite her stern warning.

She looked at a picture taken last year when he was home beside her, and she didn’t have much to fear.

But this year was different, and he was far away, but she still wanted to try to have a wonderful Christmas day.

She put on some music, and finished her last chore, she loved her sweet family, down to the core.

Christmas was special and a time to love, and she would get through this deployment, with help from above.

Her husband was deployed, and that made her sad, but thinking of her children Christmas morning made her heart very glad.

She turned out the light and headed to bed, loving the lights of the tree, both green and red.

As hard as it was, she found her inner strength; she could handle this deployment, no matter the length.

Solo parenting was hard, and she hated missing him, but she knew in the end, it wasn’t so grim.

She had her friends and her children by her side and would take this deployment day by day, even if she sometimes cried.

Because one day in April, would be homecoming day, and she would load up her children in her van, not a sleigh.

And they would head to the gym, where they would need to wait, with the other spouses and children on this very important date.

As a military spouse, we can spend Christmas alone, but we do what we can to warm up our home.

She would spot him right away, standing in the crowd, and when it was time they would run to him proud.

So if you are a military spouse, with your love far away, I want you to know you will get through Christmas Day.

It might not be exactly like before, but Christmas has magic you just can’t ignore.

Merry Christmas to all and know that it’s true, you got this military spouse, you absolutely do.

10 Thoughts That Go Through Your Head During Thanksgiving

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10 Thoughts That Go Through Your Head During Thanksgiving

Raise your hand if you are completely ready for Thanksgiving. Well, you better be, the day is coming up very soon. You probably have a list of 100 things you have to do before the big day, or maybe, you are keeping things rather simple this year. Either way, Thanksgiving weekend can be interesting.

Here are 10 thoughts that might go through your head during Thanksgiving: 

“I hope I don’t forget anything!”

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If you are traveling during Thanksgiving, packing can be stressful! Will you remember everything? What if you forget something important? Is everything charged???

“Please no delays, please no delays, please no delays”

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You know you are traveling on the busiest travel day of the year. You are doing it solo this year, the husband is deployed once again, and you are just praying NOTHING gets delayed because the idea of being stuck in an airport longer than you should is terrifying.

“Crap, I forgot the green beans!”

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It’s Wednesday night, you are about to go to bed, and you remember you FORGOT THE GREEN BEANS! Crap, go to the store and battle the crowds? Or not make green bean casserole?

“Do I remember how to make a turkey?”

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Let’s face it, you only cook a turkey once a year. Do you still remember how to do it? Is it just like riding a bike?

“Maybe we should order a meal?”

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As you crawl out of bed at 6 am to get started with your day of cooking, you wonder if you should have just ordered a meal. Cracker Barrel has a good deal, don’t they?

“What the heck is he going to eat?”

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If you have a picky kid, you know Thanksgiving is always a challenge. Here is a roll kid, have fun not enjoying the best meal of the year.

“Time with family!”

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This could be good, this could be bad. Anytime the whole family gets together there is some kind of drama, but hey, at least we all get to be together, right?

“I really just want to eat”

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Cooking is done, and you just want to gobble up that yummy meal you helped make. Or made by yourself, whatever.

“I’m not doing the dishes!”

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The rule is, if you cooked the turkey, you don’t have to do the dishes. At least in our house 🙂

“Time to put up the tree?”

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“Mom, can we put the tree up? Mom, can we put the tree up? Mom, can we put the tree up?” The Christmas season has arrived, the holidays are in full swing, time to get started on all your Christmas shopping! Have fun!!!

However you are spending Thanksgiving, I hope you have a good one, filled with fun, good food, and family and friends 🙂

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When the Holidays Don’t Feel Like the Holidays

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When the Holidays Don't Feel Like the Holidays

The holidays are here! You want to be excited, you want to go all-in, but…what do you do when your spouse is deployed? When they are off to some other part of the world too many miles from where you are? What do you do when you just don’t feel like doing Christmas? When you just don’t feel like setting anything up? When you just want the holidays to be over so you will be closer to homecoming and seeing your spouse again?

When your spouse is deployed during this time of year, the holidays don’t always feel like the holidays. You might want to skip them altogether, or just wish away time to the new year when the holidays are over. You might not be feeling like you even have much to celebrate. But you do.

I think most military spouses will go through this at one time or another.

Here are some ideas to help if you are feeling like the holidays and not the holidays this year:

Don’t pressure yourself 

One of the biggest issues with social media is comparing yourself to other families. And this seems to get worse during the holidays. The thing is, you don’t have to do things the way others do.

Is there something that overwhelms you at the thought of having to do it? Don’t. Or maybe there is something you normally do with help from your spouse, and you simply don’t have the energy to do so this year. That’s okay too.

Find what works for your family and don’t worry about what everyone else is doing. Take the pressure off yourself. Your holiday season will be much easier that way.

Add a new tradition

Why not try a new tradition this year? Something for you and your kids to get excited about. Are you stationed overseas? If so, why not adopt a tradition of the country you are stationed in? Adding something new can be just what you need to get excited about this holiday season, even if your spouse is deployed.

Plan for celebrating later

If your spouse is coming home early in the new year, you could always save the celebrating for then. If you have very small children or no children, this can work well. Older, school-age children might have trouble with this so you could have a small celebration with plans for a bigger one later. As military families, we have to be flexible and this is one way to do so during a deployment.

Fake it until you make it

Sometimes you simply have to fake it until you make it. Make a list of all the holiday things you normally do and try to work on a few a day, even if you don’t feel like it. Getting started with getting ready for the holidays can help you get in the mood. Involve your kids because you know they are going to be excited about the holidays no matter what.

Put on a Christmas movie, light a holiday candle, or take the kids to see Santa. Do something that can really put you in the holiday mood. This can help you get there, even if you are not sure if it will work.

What have you done to help during the holidays when you don’t feel like celebrating because they are deployed?

To the Veterans

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To the Veterans

To the veterans who served before our time…in wars, we can only imagine having gone through.

To the veterans who served while life was changing back at home…when they were not even sure what the future would bring.

To the veterans who served even when that meant leaving their loved ones for way too long…unsure of when they would be returning back home.

To the veterans who served when serving wasn’t the popular thing to do…putting on the uniform isn’t easy.

To the veterans who first left for Iraq and Afghanistan, before we even really knew what was going on…and going back time and time again.

To the veterans who joined after 9/11, even though they knew how much the world had changed on that day…and how things would never be the same.

To the veterans who served because their parents, grandparents, or great-grandparents did…and they knew joining the military would always be a part of their future.

To the veterans who are the first in their families to put on a uniform…and they truly are not totally sure what that will mean.

To the veterans who served as the first women in the military, paving the way for future generations…so that today, women in uniform are a regular part of military life.

To the veterans who served, even when serving seemed too hard…some roads to the military can be more complicated than others.

To the veterans who came back home…and will always remember those who didn’t.

To the veterans that get up every day to go to work, not sure if anyone they will see today can truly understand what they have gone through…and hoping that they can find the support they need.

To the veterans who keep serving, even in the smallest of ways…to help future generations.

To the veterans who never thought they would make it home…and to those who did but will never feel the same again.

To the veterans with all the stories, hoping that younger generations can truly understand the sacrifices that were made…and all the stories about the friendships made during our countries battles.

We can never thank any of you enough for what you have gone through and what you have done for our country. One day a year simply isn’t enough. We can learn so much from your years and your wisdom, and America would not be America without you.

Who are the veterans in your life???

5 Important Conversations Military Couples Should Have During Military Life

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5 Important Conversations Military Couples Should Have During Military Life

It’s not always easy to sit down and have a conversation with your service member. But as a military couple, it is super important to have conversations about different aspects of your lives, from kids and your home to both of your careers. And as you know, the military has a prominent place in a military couple’s relationship.

The military dictates so much about our lives, from when our spouse will live in the home to where that home will actually be. It can be stressful, especially if you aren’t sure you are on the same page.

That is why communication is so important. And there are certain conversations that military couples should be having. Here are 5 of them:

The Deployment Talk — Before It Happens

So they are deploying. They have the orders. And you are preparing. Sit down together and talk about expectations while you are apart.

Talk about how you will communicate, how bills will be handled, and different things for the children. Things can change quickly during a deployment, but going in with clear communication will go a long way in preparing you for what is to come.

The PCS & Home Base Talk

Some military families do have some say in a duty station. Some don’t. But it is always helpful to know what you want if you get the opportunity to make a choice. Do you want to go to Hawaii? What would it mean to be stationed overseas? Does being stationed an hour from home make sense?

And then the PCS itself. What will the move look like? What will each spouse do? What will need to be done to prepare the kids? There is certainly a lot to talk about before a PCS.

The Money & Future Talk

When two spouses talk about money, things can get really stressful, especially if you are coming at it from different points of view. But it’s important to talk about.

What will you do with any extra deployment money? What does your current budget look like vs a deployment one? How much will you spend on an after-deployment vacation?

The “What If” Talk

This is the hard stuff. The stuff civilian couples might not be talking about as much in their 20s and 30s. But it’s super important.

Do you have updated wills? What about POAs? What will happen if the service member gets injured, or even worse? Where will you go if the worst does happen? These conversations are worth having for both spouses.

The “Who Are We Outside the Military?” Talk

Sometimes it can be way too easy to lose sight of goals outside the military. But they are essential, especially for the military spouse.

It’s a great idea to talk to one another about what you want to do in the future, whether it is pursuing a specific career path, having children, or living in certain places. Your goals matter too. And you want to be able to express them to your spouse.

At the end of the day, everyone’s marriages are different. There are things you need to talk with your spouse about that your friend might not need to. The important thing is to be open with them, keep the lines of communication open, and never stop sharing your life with one another, even across the miles.

5 Important Conversations Military Couples Should Have During Military Life

7 Things to Do When You Feel Like Military Life is Way Too Hard

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7 Things to Do When You Feel Like Military Life is Way Too Hard

Look, we have all been there. Your spouse comes home with some news. It isn’t good.

They moved up the deployment. They canceled your orders to a duty station near home. They didn’t make a promotion.

Whatever it might be, things can happen during military life that can feel like a punch in the gut. It hurts badly. And you can feel like you can’t do it anymore.

So what should you do when you feel like military life is way too hard? What can you do if your spouse’s enlistment isn’t over for years, or if they really want to make a career out of the military? What do you do when you can’t simply walk away from this crazy, stressful life?

1) Make sure you have some goals of your own

You want to make sure you always have your own goals to work on. That’s super important. Whether they are educational, career-related, or just personal. You matter too.

2) Make a bucket list of your duty station

Every duty station has something good about it, even if it is hard to see. Get on the internet, start googling, and make a bucket list for your area. You might not even realize what is around you.

3) Commit to trying one new thing a week, even if it is scary

Are there any groups in your area you can check out? Maybe you met someone and need to follow up with them to plan a coffee date? Commit to trying something new every week. You never know what might happen, and it can help take your mind off the military stuff.

4) Remember, you don’t have to love military life every minute of every day to support your service member

This is the truth of it. Sometimes the military makes you so mad. And it is okay to be angry with them. It doesn’t make you less of a military spouse if that is how you feel.

5) Plan a vacation

Sometimes you need a break. See if you can plan a vacation. Even if it is just for a weekend. Even if it is months from now.

6) Focus on the positives of this life

I know, I know, that IS hard to do when you are staring another deployment in the face too soon after they got home from the last one. But think about all the things you have been able to do, all the amazing people you have met, and all that can be done during your life as a military spouse.

7) Vent to a friend

It’s okay to vent to a friend. We all need that sometimes. Find someone who can be understanding, even if they are not a military spouse themselves. Venting to a non-judgmental person can be a great way to work through your feelings about an issue.

In some cases, it may be helpful to take it a step further and talk to a professional about how you are feeling. This life can be really hard sometimes. You don’t have to do it without the help that you need.

7 Things to Do When You Feel Like Military Life is Way Too Hard