Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

military life

The Good, Bad, and Ugly of Military Duty Stations

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The Good, Bad, and Ugly of Military Duty Stations

Moving every few years is a big part of military life. Sometimes you get orders to places you want to go. Other times you get orders for places you would never want to even visit. The key is preparing yourself for your new location, and the best way to do so is to hear from others who have been there.

Here is a list of military duty stations, and what followers from the Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life Facebook page have to say about each place.

If you have just received orders to a new location, click on the link and learn the good, bad, and ugly about each place. That should help you prepare for your upcoming PCS. And if you have already been stationed at any of these places, feel free to add your own advice and thoughts to the threads.

Stationed in Alaska

Stationed in Hawaii

Fort Campbell in Kentucky/Tennessee

Fort Carson in Colorado

Fort Cavazos (Fort Hood) in Texas???

Fort Eisenhower (Fort Gordon) in Georgia

Fort Irwin in California

Fort Leonard Wood in Missouri

Fort Liberty (Fort Bragg) in North Carolina

Fort Riley in Kansas

Fort Sam Houston in Texas

Fort Sill in Oklahoma

Fort Stewart in Georgia

I will keep adding new duty stations as they are created! Here’s to an amazing PCS!

I Can’t Cope Without My Husband But I Am a Military Spouse So I Have To

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I Can't Cope Without My Husband But I Am a Military Spouse So I Have To

I Can’t Cope Without My Husband But I Am a Military Spouse So I Have To

I woke up this morning to see the article, I Can’t Cope Without My Husband, And I’m Comfortable Admitting That. Honestly? My first reaction was, “Really? I can’t either, but I do it anyway because I have to because my husband is in the military and how dare you even complain about your husband being away for a weekend.” And then I thought, “If your spouse was in the military too, you would be able to cope just like I have because that is what we military spouses HAVE to do, even if we sometimes feel like we can’t cope without them too.”

I read the comments. I know you are not supposed to read the comments, but I did. Some were showing compassion for the woman, others not as much. Some were military spouses upset that she couldn’t handle a weekend away, others telling these spouses it wasn’t a competition and that we should show the writer compassion.

The truth is, this is all so complicated.

This woman, she suffers from depression, anxiety, and ADHD and she is having a hard time. I totally get that. I can understand too that for the non-military spouse, a weekend away is going to be a lot harder than it is for us milspouses. They are not used to this type of thing. Their spouse didn’t sign up for a job that would take them away. I get all of that.

So to the writer of that piece, I do offer you compassion. I am sorry it is so hard when your spouse is away, I truly am. If you were a friend of mine, I would tell you that you can get through this, you can, and that you are not alone in your feelings.

At the same time, we also have to recognize that there are military spouses who feel the same way she does. Some military spouses suffer from depression. Some military spouses suffer from anxiety. Some military spouses have ADHD and more. Some spouses feel that coping without their spouse is not something they can do.

But then, deployment orders get cut. Training begins. Drill weekends show up, and we spouses have to do it. We have to say goodbye. We have to cope without our spouses. We could be suffering just as much, but we don’t have a choice, we have to keep going.

We spend months, sometimes over a year as a solo parent. Sometimes a two-week training can put us over the age if it comes at a difficult time.

We give birth without our husbands, and sometimes they just don’t get to come and be with us on that day. We say goodbye to our spouses with a newborn in our hands and a toddler at our legs. We plan our child’s high school graduation party, inviting our in-laws, knowing our child’s father won’t be in the crowd.

The truth is, whether we feel like this woman or not, we still have to find a way to get through life without our husbands by our side. I know my husband makes my life easier. I am a worry wart, and he balances that out. I love talking about my day with him. If we have trouble with the kids, he can be there. But when he is gone, when he isn’t available, I struggle. Some days are easier than others.

Over the years I have learned how to cope without my husband.

You see, for the first three years of our marriage, he was not in the military. We were not away from each other. When we first started talking about him re-joining the Army, I didn’t think I could do that. We had a child together. How would I be able to handle being a solo parent while he was away? I couldn’t do that. I needed him. We were a team.

But here is the truth. My husband is a soldier. He is. It’s in his blood. No, when I met him he was not active duty. But I could still tell he was a soldier. So when he re-enlisted in 2005, I knew it was the right thing to do.

When he came home from drill a few months ago, wanting to re-enlist, I knew it was the right thing to do. Even though, after all these years, I sometimes feel like I can’t cope without him. Even though my anxiety goes through the roof when he is gone. Even though being a solo parent has been so tough over the years.

I think that in life, there is always someone who has it worse than us and always someone who has it easier.

I envy my friends who have never had to spend more than a week or two away from their spouses. I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if that had been the case for us. But it wasn’t.

So to anyone, military spouse or not who feels like they can not cope without their spouse, know that you are not alone in feeling this way. Whether you are about to drop your spouse of five years off for basic training or your husband of 15 years has to visit their mom for two weeks without you.

Whoever you are, whatever you are dealing with, seek out all the help you can get. Rely on your friends. Find your tribe. See a counselor. Don’t be ashamed. Let others know that you need a little more help.

Because at the end of the day, we each have our struggles. We each have things that are hard to deal with that we feel others won’t understand. We each have nights where we cry ourselves to sleep and mornings where we are not sure how we will make it to dinnertime, let alone bedtime.

And while it is way too easy to compare our struggles, way too easy to feel like we have the worst possible situation, we take comfort in knowing that we are not alone, that we can find others who get it, and that someday life won’t be as hard.

Do you struggle with feeling like you can’t cope without your spouse? What do you do to make life easier when you feel that way?

The Six Degrees of Separation of Military Spouse Friendships

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The Six Degrees of Separation of Military Spouse Friendships

A friend and I were talking the other day about how we had met through a mutual friend and how there does seem to be six degrees of separation of military spouse friendships within the military community. When you meet someone new, they might also know someone you know.

There have been so many times when this has happened to me. I meet new people, we add each other on Facebook, and I learn they are friends with someone I already know.

A friend from Germany might be stationed near a friend I met through blogging.

A former neighbor of mine might end up becoming a new neighbor of someone else I have met during my time as a military spouse.

I can meet someone who just moved here, and it turns out they are good friends with a girl I knew from MOPS, who moved away from here years ago.

They say the military is a small world, and each branch is even smaller. Add online connections and a lot of us military spouses know one another or know each other’s friends. And this…can be a good thing.

Knowing that someone has a mutual friend can allow us to be a little bolder in pursuing a new friendship. If a friend of ours gets along with them, we might get along with them too. And that can help all of us when it comes to making new friends.

As military spouses, we don’t all have the luxury of staying in the same place for most of our military life years. Either we are moving, or our friends are, or both. As you think about your current circle of friends, you know that three years from now, things will not look the same. They might not even be the same a year from now.

As much as we know this is all a part of military spouse life, saying goodbye to a good friend is never going to be easy. In some cases, saying goodbye to a good friend will break our hearts, and no amount of preparing for that will help.

I am thankful that we do live in a time of social media despite its downfalls. Not only can I keep in touch with my family, but I can stay in the lives of the many friends I have made during my time as a military spouse.

Things won’t be the same after you say goodbye to someone. That is life. Even if you can see one another again, and I hope that you can, life just goes on, and things change.

As much as I want to stop time when it comes to my friendships, I know that isn’t possible. I mourn the time we no longer spend together, and I cherish every memory we have ever had. Still, I know that the best thing I can do is move forward and be open to new friendships, whereever they might be.

And knowing that so many of the people I meet today have some sort of connection to someone I already know is comforting. That allows this introvert to open up a little more, and learn more about the new people I meet in my life.

If you are a new military spouse, you might think this couldn’t possibly happen to you. Everyone you meet is completely new to you, and you have no connection to them in any way. But give it time.

As the years go on, you will meet more people. And as you PCS from one place to the next, your social network will grow. You will find your military world a little more friendly, comfortable, and easier to navigate.

Have you ever made friends simply because they were connected to someone you already know? Tell me your story!

10 Truths About Military Life That Military Spouses Know Are True

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10 Truths About Military Life That Military Spouses Know Are True

On November 8th, 2005, my husband re-enlisted in the US Army. This was a huge change for us and our family. My husband had been in the Army when he was a lot younger, years before I met him. He had gotten out, returned home and we met a few years after that. We got married and had our first child and it wasn’t until we had been married about 3 years that we started talking about him going back into the Army.

18 years have passed since that day and I now consider myself a seasoned spouse. We have been overseas, been through 4 deployments, multiple trainings and have experienced both Active duty and National Guard life. Over the last 18 years, I have learned so much about military life. I didn’t realize how clueless I was until he joined and learned about these truths the hard way. I assumed some things I shouldn’t have. I have grown as a person since then and the last 18 years have made me who I am.

Here are 10 Truths About Military Life That Military Spouses Know Are True:

1. Just Because You Are Told Something, It Doesn’t Mean It Will Happen That Way- There have been so many times in the last 18 years when military plans have changed. From deployments to trainings to appointments. Military life is all about change. Nothing is ever set in stone and it is probably best to assume nothing is going to happen a certain way until it actually does.

2. Military Life Isn’t Fair- It wasn’t that I thought everything in military life was going to be fair, but it is a hard reality to realize much of this life isn’t fair or equal at all. Your spouse might deploy a lot more than other spouses. You might not ever end up at the “best” duty stations and it will seem others do. Some service members take longer to promote than others. The best thing to do is celebrate when you are the one to get the good news and be humble when you see that your friend or neighbor has not.

3. Not All Military Housing Is Created Equal- When we moved into our orange duplex at our 2nd duty station in Germany, I cried. That house was amazing! And to think we got the house just because we moved to a new duty station, not because of rank or position. That the two homes could be so different was amazing to me. Some housing is much better than others and that can be a frustrating reality of military life.

4. Making Friends Isn’t Always Easy- As much as you want to find your tribe and your people, sometimes that will take longer than you want it to. Making friends depending on a lot of factors. From putting yourself out there to who is at your duty station. Don’t lose hope if you haven’t made friends at your new duty station yet, it might just take you a bit longer this time.

5. You Will Grow Without Your Spouse- During military life you and your spouse will grow. You will change. Everyone does. Sometimes this will happen when they are not home. During a year deployment, you can grow and change and because you have, life can be a bit of a challenge once your spouse gets home. Keep this in mind during the redeployment period and remember why you decided to be together in the first place.

6. Your Parenting Will Look A Little Different- Survival mode is very real and sometimes being in survival mode means you let things go and your parenting will change because of that. Try not to let this get you down, real life sometimes doesn’t mix with our ideals. Do your best and at the end of the day, give yourself some grace.

7. You Will Surprise Yourself- During the last 118years, I have done things I never thought I was capable of. I have been stretched and have become stronger because of everything I have been through. Military life will mold you into the person you are meant to be. And you will look back and might be surprised about everything you have had to go through to get there.

8. When Military Life Is Over, You Might Not Want To Leave- As much as you think you are ready to leave military life behind, doing so isn’t as easy as you think the transition will be. You might find yourself missing parts of military life and wondering why you and your spouse decided that chapter needed to be closed. You might get upset that your spouse had to leave because of medical issues. Give yourself time to adjust to the after military lifestyle.

9. The “Worst” Duty Station Might Be Your Favorite- There are a few duty stations out there that are talked about as the worst. Places you really don’t want to go and for a lot of them, there is a good reason for that. But sometimes, the “worst” duty station may be your favorite place. Maybe you have figured out how to bloom where you are planted or maybe you just made some amazing friends, but whatever reason you will always look back at that duty station as some of the best years of your military life.

10. Just When You Are Comfortable, Life Will Change- I was sitting at a friend’s house with about four or five friends. The kids were all playing nicely and we were having a good conversation. In the back of my head, I thought, “This won’t last forever.” And that was true. Within 3 years, everyone in that room has moved somewhere else. This is the reality of military life. People are always moving, either you or them. Commands change, deployments come and go. Just when you get comfortable, things change.

How long have you been a military spouse? What have you learned along the way?

How To Keep Kids Busy This Summer, Even When You Are On a Budget

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Summer is here and you might be trying to figure out what to do with your kids for their time off from school. Yes, there are camps and classes that you could sign them up for, but those all cost money, sometimes a lot of it.

If you are on a tighter budget, you have to be careful about how much you spend during the summer. You need to find cheap and free ways to keep them busy.

You really don’t have to spend a fortune each summer just keep your kids entertained. There is a lot you can do in your home and in your own community without having to break the bank. Take a look at some of these ideas, and see what works for your family.

How To Keep Kids Busy This Summer, Even When You Are On a Budget

Water Fun

Kids love water and there are many ways to get your kids in water without spending too much. A splash park is a great way to spend some time in the hot sun. You might find one at a park or even a shopping center.

Bring a sack lunch, plenty of towels, and your kids, and get ready to enjoy a fun-filled afternoon staying cool for very little cost. Invite some friends and have a fun playdate.

If you have a community pool you can use free of charge, take advantage of that. If you have to pay, check and see about a summer pass. Sometimes buying one of those will save you a lot of money all summer long. Our city pool offers a military discount on a pool pass.

If nothing else you can set up a sprinkler or a kiddie pool in your own yard.

Nature Hikes

Kids love to explore and what better way to do that than on a nature hike. Make sure to put on your bug spray, bring lots of water, and bring your camera for photos along the way. Check with your local park system to see if they have any guided hikes during the summer. Make sure you stay on the trails and don’t go anywhere you feel is unsafe.

You can also go on a more casual walk around your neighborhood or other community location. If your kids are old enough, have them bring their bike or a scooter. You can spend the whole day out walking and riding bikes. Just don’t forget to apply the sunscreen.

Cheap Movies

If you have a dollar theater, make sure to check out what kid’s movies they have playing. If you don’t, your regular theater might have a special kids program during the summer with free or $1 movies. They might be older ones that your kids have already seen, but it can give them the movie experience without having to spend too much.

You might also check and see if your city has a movies in the park night where they show a movie on a big screen after the sun goes down. That can be a lot of fun for everyone in the family. They are usually free and you would just need to bring a picnic dinner for your family as well as a nice blanket or chairs to sit on.

Camping

If you are wanting to take your family on vacation, camping is the most affordable option, assuming you already have a lot of the camping gear. If you don’t, you might be able to rent from a Gear to Go on your military installation. Campsites are not too expensive and you can have a lot of fun being in the outdoors. If you don’t want to leave your home, you could also camp out in the backyard.

Host a Play Date

Why not host a play date in your home once a week? You could also do a themed playdate. Such as water or food fun.

Meet up with other parents and plan to rotate houses during the summer. Your kids will love the playtime with friends and you can have some adult time with the parents.

You could go on Pinterest and find some fun crafts for the kids to do. There are plenty of ideas out there. Once a week you could also host a craft day. Everyone who comes can bring the supplies and you can all work on them together.

Annual Passes

A yearly pass will cost you money upfront, but it might be worth doing so. You can get passes to the zoo, science center, amusement park, or the local gym. Find out what would be best for your own family and think about how often you would go.

If you know you want to spend a lot of time at the zoo, getting a pass to the zoo will allow you to go for “free” all summer long. Check for specials or discounts before you pay for the pass. Also, make sure to check for blackout dates so you don’t plan a trip on a day you won’t be able to get in with your pass.

As you can see, there are quite a lot of activities you can do during the summer without having to break the bank. What would you add to this list?

10 Places You Must Add to To Your New Military Duty Station Checklist

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10 Places You Must Add to To Your New Military Duty Station Checklist

10 Places You Must Find When You First Get To Your New Military Duty Station

The day after we flew into Germany my husband had to go to work. He left about 5am in the morning. I was so tired that day and the world seemed like a dream. Jet lag is no joke and I was going through it with my 18-month-old. I wanted to get out and explore but I was a bit nervous about doing so. Imagine my surprise when my husband got home that night and told me the Commissary was just a short walk from our apartment.

When you first move to a new duty station, everything is going to be new. Even if you have lived on a military base before, you don’t know your new one yet.

Here are 10 places you should find when you first get to your new military duty station. Add them to your new military duty station checklist

1. The Commissary- You are going to want to know where you can buy groceries at your new duty station. If you are in the US, you will be able to get American food off-post as well. If you are stationed overseas, you probably won’t and you will want to know where to go to get it. Once you figure that out you should explore local groceries because you can find some fun regional foods there to add to your weekly shopping.

2. The PX- The PX/BX is like a Walmart but on a military post and tax-free. They have furniture, snacks, drinks, clothing, toys and more. Find out where the PX is and if there is more than one. Our first duty station had a small PX and a PXExtra in a different location.

3. The Library- Finding the library is a good idea. You can get things set up so you can check out books and if you have kids you can find out about story time or any programs they might offer. Most duty stations have one and then you should also see what the local off-post community has to offer as well.

4. The Chapel- If you are religious, you are going to want to find the chapel. They might offer other programs such as MOPS, PWOC, and AWANA. Some chapels also offer a VBS in the summertime. Chapels don’t just have Protestant Christian services but also provide worship times for a variety of religious beliefs.

5. ACS- ACS stands for “Army Community Service.” ACS provides a lot for people getting ready for a deployment, during deployment and post-deployment. They can also offer you information on FRGs, education, financial advice, relocation information and volunteer opportunities. The ACS will also host a lot of events. ACS is a great resource for those who are brand new to the military as well as those who have been in a long time. Although this program is for the Army, there should be similar programs with different names for each branch. 

A military duty station checklist will help you at your new duty station!

6. MWR- MWR stands for “Morale, Welfare, and Recreation.” They are a quality-of-life program for Soldiers and their families. They provide a lot of activities for kids, CYS, which is the affordable childcare program, lodging, libraries, entertainment, and other events. It would be a great idea to follow their page on Facebook if they have one so you can hear about the events that they have going on. The MWR is a great way to find things to do that can help you meet other people at your new duty station.

7. Your Spouse’s Unit- This is a must. Learn where your spouse goes to work. Learn the unit and a general idea of what they do. When you don’t have this information, it can be confusing. There are reasons you will have to go to the unit and it is best to know where that is. Your FRG meetings might be there too.

8. Parks- Parks are important. Most military installations have them. Find them and enjoy what they have to offer. This is especially true when you have kids. Find the local parks and save your sanity.

9. The Hospital or Clinic- You will need to know where to go in case of emergency as well as when you need to go to an appointment. Learn where to go, where to park and when you have to go there you will know what to do.

10. Restaurants- Some military posts have more restaurants than others. There should be some fast food near the PX. There might be a few stand-alone places. The best restaurants were when we lived in Germany. We had an amazing German bakery and a restaurant that served German food. These places are great to go and meet your spouse on their lunch break.

When you first PCS somewhere, there will be a learning curve. You will need to take the time to find out where things are. Have fun with it and enjoy your new location. Create a military duty station checklist and be on your way to blooming in your new space!

Where is the first place you like to find when you are at a new duty station?

10 Lessons Military Spouse Life Teaches You Over the Years

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10 Lessons Military Spouse Life Teaches You Over the Years

Life as a military spouse has taught me so much over the years! When I first became a military spouse, I had no idea how much this life would change me. Over the years, through deployments, moves, and everything in between, I’ve learned lessons I never expected, but ones I will carry for the rest of my life.

Here are 10 of them:

  • That you can, in fact, do things on your own, without your spouse by your side

Before your spouse joined the military, you might have assumed there were certain things you needed them to be there for. You will learn quickly that this is not the case. At the same time, while you realize you can do things without them, you won’t always want to. And that is one reason why a deployment can be so hard.

  • That the military doesn’t always know what they are doing, or so it seems

You will learn pretty quickly that the military doesn’t always seem like it knows what it is doing. It will seem like the right hand doesn’t know what the left hand is doing. This can be so frustrating but then you get to the point where you say, “well that’s the Army for you” or whatever branch your spouse serves in.

Life as a military spouse can be surprising

  • That you might think you are going to PCS somewhere, and you could possibly end up somewhere else instead

PCS orders can be, well, interesting. Sometimes they change. You might hear Fort Campbell, get researching the schools in Tennessee, make a bucket list of things you want to see, and boom, they get changed to Fort Bliss.

  • That you might just get to a point during a deployment where you feel like you are rocking it

I know it might not seem like you will ever feel like you are “rocking a deployment” but you might just get there. And when you do, the feeling is amazing. Just keep doing what you can and you might find yourself there before you know it.

  • That after that point, you might hit a snag, and feel like you really are not rocking a deployment at all

And while feeling like you are “rocking a deployment” is amazing, it can be way too easy to hit a bump in the road and feel like you’re no longer. That’s okay, though. The roller coaster emotions during a deployment are normal and to be expected.

Life as a military spouse could look different for each person

  • How one military spouse gets through a deployment can be different than another

I traveled a bit during my second deployment, and it was a lot of fun. Traveling also helped pass the time. But, during our 1st and 3rd deployments, that would have been very difficult to do just because of the ages of my kids and what was going on. We all find what works for us during a deployment and it doesn’t have to be the same as what works for others.

  • That you might just make a best friend in the least likely of places

You might assume that going to regular play dates, sporting events for your kids, or the FRG might be where you meet your military best friend. While meeting friends at these places happens a lot, you might be surprised where you do meet your next BFF. It could happen during the long lines at the commissary on payday, or through a friend of a friend, you met three duty stations ago. Be open to new friends and see what happens.

  • That you will miss something about that duty station after you leave, even if you hate the place right now

I know, I know, what is there to love about a duty station in the middle of nowhere? Trust me, after you PCS and live somewhere else for a while, you will miss something about that place. This is just how things work. Even if all you miss are the people.

  • That you will start to nitpick movies and television shows that portray the military

From Army Wives to a movie on the big screen, you are going to start to notice how Hollywood gets the military so very wrong. From the wrong type of uniform to calling a marine a soldier, there are way too many mistakes out there. At the same time, you might not let them bother you and still wonder if you are more a Roxy or a Claudia Joy.

  • That you will get homesick, even if you love where you are stationed

During your life as a military spouse, you could be living in Europe, surrounded by castles and green hills, and will still feel homesick sometimes. This is just a big part of military life and while some experience homesickness more than others, you will figure out how to deal with those feelings.

Every year I learn something new about military life. I am always shocked by this but it is true. I try to look at each military experience as a way to grow and learn a little bit more about this lifestyle we have chosen.

What is a lesson you have learned during your life as a military spouse?

How a Deployment Led to a Career She Never Saw Coming: A Military Spouse Spotlight

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I had the pleasure of sitting down for a Zoom interview with my guest writer, Katie McDonald. Enjoy!

While Julie is known for her popular blog, Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life, her marriage started out as a civilian one. Her husband, Ben, was in the Army for two years, but had been out for a couple of years already when they met and quickly fell in love in Northern California. They were married in 2002, had their first son in 2004, and moved to Kentucky the following year.

Julie was a stay-at-home mom, and Ben was working various jobs. However, this lifestyle wasn’t working for their family, so they considered easing back into military life with the Reserves. However, it wasn’t a good fit, and Julie “couldn’t imagine [him] just being gone.” Months later, Ben ultimately decided to re-enlist in the Army as an active-duty soldier, and their entire world would be turned on its head. 

How a Deployment Led to a Career She Never Saw Coming: A Military Spouse Spotlight

A Major Life Change

Julie and Ben assumed that he would need to redo basic training and that a cross-country or international move would be months away. However, they were shockingly told that Ben would be moving to Germany in just two weeks, and their lives completely changed overnight. Because Ben’s move was right before Thanksgiving, the logistics of having Julie and their son join him were complicated by holiday delays. Julie joked that “waiting on paperwork” was “a good introduction to military life,” but after finally receiving command sponsorship and their tourist passports, she and her 18-month-old son were able to fly to Germany. 

Military life was a bit of a culture shock for Julie. While she had grown up in Southern California near two Marine Corps bases, she was not used to living overseas or preparing for deployments. Shortly after becoming pregnant with their second son, Ben received orders to deploy, and he left when she was 25 weeks pregnant. Julie’s mom, thankfully, was able to support her for two months leading up to and after the delivery; given the uncertainty surrounding Ben’s timeline, this was a huge blessing for Julie’s growing family. 

Visit the Military Spouse Spotlight Page!

How a Deployment Led to a Career She Never Saw Coming: A Military Spouse Spotlight

Julie gave birth in the middle of December, and while her husband was sent home that same day, it took him three days to arrive and meet their new son. He had only two weeks of R&R to bond with his growing family, and his entire brigade was postponed several times when he returned to Iraq. As a result, he didn’t see his wife and children again for almost a year during a difficult 15-month deployment. 

Julie remembers the high casualty rates that deeply impacted their small base. “Every spouse was going through it,” she said. “In a lot of ways, it was comforting to have those spouses to go through it with.” She misses the community mentality of helping each other out through their shared seasons of stress, uncertainty, and loneliness. 

Finding the Bright Spots

In the month after the deployment, they went back to California for a month to spend time with family, and while she dreaded the idea of returning to the stresses of Germany, she did go back. In an unexpected stroke of good fortune, some of the brigade moved to another post in Germany a couple of months later, and Julie’s perspective shifted when she saw their brand-new government-leased housing. “I cried because it was so much nicer than our stairwell apartment,” she remembered, and she began to feel more optimistic. 

While her husband was away on another deployment, Julie was determined to keep herself busy. She and her close friend both had young children and wanted to take advantage of the affordable Space A flights to spend the summer with their families. While it wasn’t always smooth sailing and there were plenty of unexpected bumps in the road (from unavailable lodging to canceled flights), Julie was able to successfully travel back to California to spend time with her and her husband’s families, with a two- and four-year-old in tow. “I’m so glad I had that adventure,” Julie said. “Military spouses need to have adventures.” 

The Power of the Pen 

How a Deployment Led to a Career She Never Saw Coming: A Military Spouse Spotlight

When Julie returned to Germany, there was still time left in the deployment, and she was determined to keep her mind busy. She had read a friend’s homeschool-focused blog and was inspired to share her own stories and experiences. The blog was originally called Julie the Army Wife, and her first post was about what to wear to a military Homecoming.

She renamed the blog so it wouldn’t be focused solely on her experiences and perspective, and was pleasantly surprised by the attention and positive reception her work received. “I had never thought about being a writer as a job,” Julie admitted, but her first full-time writing job was an unexpected and hard-earned blessing in 2017. With three children, two with special needs, Julie was unable to work outside of the house, so being able to write for a living from home has been a game-changer for her. She currently works as a content specialist and reflected that “this is really cool that me being bored in Germany led to this.” 

Julie says that her blog is what her past self would have needed, and she believes that “every situation you go through is a chance to help someone in the future.” Describing her blog as her “fourth baby,” she is proud of all the growth it’s experienced. Because her husband has retired, she is actively seeking active-duty spouses to share their stories to keep the perspectives fresh. 

Blogging, however, has not been without its difficulties. “Not everyone is kind and appreciates it,” she admitted, but she reminds herself how many people are benefiting from the stories she shares. For any spouses who want to share their stories, Julie wants you to remember that “no matter what you’re posting, someone might not like it,” but that shouldn’t stop you from using your voice. 

How a Deployment Led to a Career She Never Saw Coming: A Military Spouse Spotlight

Changes Continue 

After their time in Germany, Julie and her family moved to Fort Campbell in 2010 and have since settled in and stayed in the community. At the time of their move, their children were three and five years old, and it was a challenge to adjust to cultural differences, keep two young children busy, and manage her third pregnancy. 

Her husband’s fourth deployment was the hardest because of the toll of solo parenting. Their middle son had just been diagnosed with autism, and supporting him alone was challenging. On their first day without Ben, one of her sons got a rock stuck in his ear at Boy Scout camp. On top of managing her young children in the emergency room, the air conditioning at their home gave out on the same day. The stress of the deployment “literally broke me,” Julie said, and she sought out a therapist. 

Seeking Help 

There’s a mentality in the military spouse community that “you have to just do it and suck it up,” but Julie knows from experience that sometimes it’s just too hard to do it all alone and without support. If it’s too much, she encourages spouses to see a therapist or go home for a few months. “We need each other; what we’re going through is really hard,” Julie says. Community support is of the utmost importance, especially during deployments. 

Julie also believes that having regular, scheduled activities to keep yourself and your kids busy is crucial. For example, Julie suggested having a Friday pizza night with other families or starting a book club.

While it’s easy to feel like there’s nothing to do or “start feeling like it’s always going to be like this,” you have the power to join a club, take your kids to the park, and to find something you can do on a regular basis that brings you purpose or joy. It’s all about your mentality and intentionality.

While it’s “easy to go once and never go back and it’s really easy to get discouraged,” Julie encouraged spouses to be consistent. For example, she took her kids to a play group every week. She shifted her mindset to focus on the positives of her kids having fun, and she believed that she would eventually meet people and make friends as well. “I encourage people to get creative, try new things, and don’t be afraid to get out of their comfort zone.” 

Katie McDonald is a Navy wife, and she and her husband are currently stationed in Guam. After 5 years as an English teacher, Katie is currently working as a freelance writer and enjoys writing about books and travel. https://www.katiereads.com/