4 Things to Remember if Your Spouse Has To Go To North Korea, Or Any Other Dangerous Place
military spouse
25 Tips For The Brand New Military Spouse
25 Tips For The Brand New Military Spouse
Your husband of two years just left for basic training.
Your boyfriend is on his way to Ft. Benning, fulfilling his dream.
You are getting married, and then a week later, you and your new husband are moving to Ft. Bliss in Texas, a state you never even thought about visiting let alone moving to.
Welcome to the military, as a new spouse, you are for sure feeling overwhelmed. Your life has just done a 180, and you are a bit lost.
When my husband joined, and we were at our first duty station in Germany, I remember standing there watching a group of soldiers march by. Was this my life now? What did I get myself into? There was so much I didn’t understand.
So if you are brand new to this life, here are 25 tips to help you start your military spouse journey:
1. Learn about TRICARE
Learn what you can about TRICARE. Spend some time on their website. There is a lot to learn, and things can change quickly. But knowing where to go to find that information is necessary.
2. Bloom where you are planted
Remember that no matter where you get stationed, you can bloom where you are planted. You can make the best of a horrible duty station, no matter how bad the negative reviews are. Make sure you are working towards enjoying where you live, every day.
3. Deployments happen
Deployments will happen, and not always at the best time. You can’t plan for them, and they can be disappointing, but they are a big part of military life. Luckily there is a lot of deployment support out there.
4. Not everyone is trustworthy
Sadly, not everyone you meet is going to be trustworthy. Keep this in mind but also know that there are plenty of amazing military spouses out there too.
5. Try your FRG, at least once
Give it a try, just once. What would that hurt? If you hate it, don’t go back. But if you go, there is always the chance that you ended up in a good FRG and being a part of that will help you in your military spouse life.
6. Explore the Commissary
When you first get to your duty station, explore the Commissary. Figure out how long it takes you to get there and do your own price matching so that you can see if shopping there will save you money. In some places it does, in others, it doesn’t. And try not to go on payday, trust me on that one.
7. Befriend your neighbors
Say hi to your neighbors and befriend them, at least with a smile. Getting along with your neighbors will make for a better experience, whether you are on post or off.
8. Remember OPSEC
OPSEC is so important. Learn what it means and lean on the side of not sharing that info if you are not sure.
9. Practice PERSEC
PERSEC is more individual. Talk that over with your spouse, so you are on the same page. If he doesn’t want his photo on Facebook, don’t share it.
10. Don’t overshare
There is no need to overshare details on social media. Stay as vague as you can. You can still get your point across without sharing such personal details.
11. Respect your marriage
Always respect your marriage, whether they are home or overseas. Respect your spouse online. They are going to piss you off; you don’t always have to share when they do.
12. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there
Putting yourself out there can be difficult, especially if you are more on the introverted side but doing so can be worth it.
13. Help others when you can
If you see someone you can help, do so. If you can’t personally help in their situation, you could direct them to someone or a resource who can.
14. Say no to things
You don’t have to say yes to everything. When you get involved in your community, there will be a lot of things you could say yes to. Don’t burn yourself out and know that sometimes, it is okay to say no.
15. Buy a journal
Buy a cute journal and when you are stressed, write in it. When you are missing your spouse, write in it. Not only will that help you in the moment but reading back in the future can help you too.
16. Find the deployment tips that work for you
There are so many deployment tips out there. Not all of them will work for you. Figure out which ones work for you and your family.
17. Don’t be overwhelmed by the acronyms
There are so many acronyms in the military world. There is no way to learn them all. The good news is that they are pretty easy to figure out if you look them up online.
18. Live on post at least once
Give living on post/base a try. If you are new, doing so can be a good way to get to know military life. If you don’t like it, live off in the future.
19. Don’t overspend when you get extra money
There will be times when your spouse gets extra pay. Don’t overspend when they do. You will kick yourself later.
20. Have a plan for deployment pay
Before your spouse goes anywhere, have a plan for any extra deployment pay and be on the same page about what you will do with the money.
21. Make plans, but put them in pencil
You can make plans when you are a military spouse, just make sure they are in pencil. They might have to change at a moment’s notice.
22. Join new clubs
If you are feeling lonely and fear you won’t ever make any friends, try something new. Go to MOPS, PWOC or a regular playdate with your kids. Get out of the house and meet new people.
23. Cry if you need to
If you need to cry, do so. Some people cry more than others; it’s just the way they handle stress. Don’t listen to anyone that tells you not to cry.
24. Don’t let someone else’s bad experience become yours
We all have our own experiences, especially about duty stations. Don’t let someone else’s bad experience ruin things for you. Keep what they said in mind but don’t automatically assume you will have that same bad experience that you have.
25. Find extra help if you need it
If you need extra help, don’t be afraid to find it. This could mean hiring a babysitter on a regular basis or setting up time with a counselor. Don’t be afraid to reach out when you are feeling lost or not sure how you will make it through.
What are your best tips for the brand new military spouse???
No, The Military Isn’t The Same As Any Other Job
No, The Military Isn’t The Same As Any Other Job
11 months. That’s how long I have gone without seeing my husband because of his job as an Infantry soldier.
15 months. That’s the longest he has lived away from us because of his job as an Infantry soldier.
5 months. That was the length of his shortest deployment because of his job as an Infantry soldier.
When someone joins the military, everything changes. Their families have to adapt to their new career path. When someone joins the military, what used to apply doesn’t anymore, and there is a huge learning curve.
No, the military isn’t the same as any other job.
While there are other career paths that take someone away from their families, and while those jobs can have their own struggles, being in the military is a unique career path, unlike any other.
As a military spouse, we have to change our mindset when our spouse joins the military. We have to understand how important their job is. We have to understand that their job will come first, even in cases where the job wouldn’t if they were working a different type of job.
As a military spouse, we are not guaranteed that our husband will be there for the birth of every child. Most commands do try to make it happen, but at the end of the day, the mission comes first.
As a military spouse, we move when they get new orders. We might leave our friends, we might leave our jobs, we might leave the only home we have ever really known.
As a military spouse, we have to take the backseat. It doesn’t matter if our child is graduating from high school or our brother is getting married, the mission comes first.
Over the years, you will get used to some of this, and at the same time, still, get frustrated by it. You might need to vent to a friend when you find out your husband is deploying three months before your planned trip to Walt Disney World. You might get angry when you have to reschedule your anniversary trip for the fourth time because of a training schedule. You might break down in tears when you find out that your spouse will miss your son’s first birthday, just like he missed the 1st birthdays of your other three children.
No, the military isn’t the same as any other job.
There are rules, regulations, and ways of doing things that don’t always make logical sense. You will have trouble making plans because things change all the time.
Your children will have to say goodbye to one of the parents more often than other kids. They will listen to their mom or dad read them bedtime stories on a video. They will work with you to send care packages to far away lands that most have only heard about on the news.
We create support groups both locally and online to help us spouses through the stresses of this life. From moving to deployments to general military life frustrations. We find friends to help us through, friends who become family.
No, the military isn’t the same as any other job.
Serving in the military is a sacrifice. Doing so is giving up freedoms that other Americans don’t for the sake of our country. Being a military spouse is supporting those who serve in a very personal way. But because we do, our lives are changed forever.
And through the struggles we endure, we became stronger. Us seasoned spouses can reach out to the new spouse and help them through what they are dealing with. We can figure out ways to endure through our more challenging days. We work hard to be strong, even if we don’t always feel like we are.
At the end of the day, we look at our service member and know how important their job is. Whether they are deploying to Iraq or going down to Florida to help with hurricane relief. Whether they are preparing to train all summer long or moving with your family from your hometown in Ohio to a new home in South Korea. Whether they serve five years or retire after 30.
No, the military isn’t the same as any other job.
How long has your service member been in the military?
Favorite Military Discounts That Military Spouses Love
Military discounts are the best! Whether it is 10% off at your favorite restaurant or a buy one get one free pass at a local establishment. There are such a variety of military discounts out there, and not all of them apply nationwide.
Some military discounts are more popular than others but they are a way for military families to save money, even if it is just a few dollars. When businesses offer these discounts, they are saying thank you to the military community and their kindness is very much appreciated.
Here are some favorite military discounts that military spouses love:
Shoes
What growing military family doesn’t need shoes? The good news is quite a few stores offer a military discount on shoes. Payless and Rack Room Shoes offer you 10% off, and the Foot Locker offers you 20%.
Blue Star Museums
A collaboration with the National Endowment for the Arts, Blue Star Families, the Department of Defense, and Museums Across America has created Blue Star Museums. They offer free admission to active duty military personnel and their families to include the National Guard and the Reserves. This offer is from Memorial Day to Labor Day, and you can see a list of participating museums here.
Home Depot and Lowes
Need to work on a home project? Spouse deployed and you want to paint that room you keep putting off. Home Depot and Lowe’s will offer 10% off at their stores.
Disney
Disney is one of the best discounts you can find. They offer the Armed Forces Salute at both Disneyland and Disney World. You will be able to save a lot of money this way. There are also select military discounts at hotels near the parks that would be worth checking out.
Sea World/Busch Gardens
You can get in on the Waves of Honor discount at Sea World’s nationwide, Busch Gardens, and Sesame Place. Each service member can receive one free ticket as well as three other free tickets for their dependents. Visit the Sea World page for more information on this military discount. This discount is valid for Active duty, National Guard, and the Reserves.
Michael’s and Joann’s
Into crafting? Want to buy some decorations for the upcoming fall and winter seasons? Check out Michael’s, who offer 15% off and Joann’s who offer 10% off.
National Parks
You can get a National Parks and Federal Recreational Lands Pass just by showing your ID at your local National Park. The pass is good for a year.
Old Navy/The Gap
Your local Old Navy and The Gap should have a military discount too. Usually, it is about 10%. Some places offer the discount every day, others every Monday or a few times a month. Make sure to ask when you are at your local store to find out what they offer.
Hotels
Finding a discount on a hotel for your vacation can save you some money. Check out Marriot, Embassy Suites, Choice Hotels, or anywhere you plan on staying to see if they offer a discount too.
Your favorite restaurants
Restaurants are a bit tricky as they can depend on the management at the specific locations. Most restaurants that offer a military discount give you 10-20% off depending on their discount. Make sure to ask before you pay if you are unsure about their discount or have heard that they have one.
This post does contain affiliate links!
Veterans Advantage
What are your favorite military discounts? Which ones do you use all the time?
Which Breast Pump Is Best For You?
This is a sponsored post by the Breastfeeding Shop.
Which Breast Pump Is Best For You?
If you didn’t already know, if you are pregnant or have had a baby, you can receive a $0 cost breast pump through TRICARE. The Breastfeeding Shop is a good place to get your breast pump. They have a form you can fill out and they make the process as easy as possible.
The Breastfeeding Shop also has an excellent variety of breast pumps to choose from. Since all moms are different, the best pump for you might be different than the best breast pump for your neighbor.
Here is a run-down of all the breast pumps the Breastfeeding Shop offers and a little about each one so that you can make the right decision on your pump.
Medela Pump in Style
This pump has an adjustable speed, single and double pumping, and comes with a tote bag. The pump weighs 4.2lbs, has a 2-phase expression technology, and the motor is compact and easy to carry.
Spectra S2
The Spectra S2 has an adjustable speed, single and double pumping, and a closed system. The pump also has dual voltage and is 4.1lbs. It is gentle and quiet and has a night light which makes this pump perfect for nighttime pumping sessions.
Ardo Calypso
This pump has adjustable speed, single and double pumping, and a closed system. It is also dual voltage, battery option, and 3.2lbs. The Ardo Calypso uses vacuum seal technology.
Ameda Purely Yours
This pump has an adjustable speed, single and double pumping, and a closed system. The pump is only 1lb which makes it very lightweight. There is also airlock protection and no cleaning of the tubing needed.
Hygeia Q
The Hygeia Q has an adjustable speed, single and double pumping, and a closed system. The pump is 2.4lbs, and you can independently control cycle rate and suction strength for your particular needs.
Spectra S9 Plus 9
This pump also has an adjustable speed, single and double pumping, and a closed system. This pump has a battery option, is 1lb, and very portable. This pump is ideal for travel although the suction isn’t as great as it would be on a stand alone pump.
Spectra S1
This Spectra pump has an adjustable speed, single and double pumping, and a closed system too. It also has dual voltage, battery option, 4.1lbs with a built in rechargeable battery. This pump is very quiet with a max suction of 300 mmHg.
Lansinoh Signature Pro
This pump has an adjustable speed, single and double pumping, and a closed system. There is a battery option, comes with a tote and is 2.3lbs. This pump also has Bluetooth technology.
Evenflo Advanced Deluxe
This Evenflo pump has an adjustable speed, single and double pumping, and a closed system. There is also a battery option, a tote, and the pump is 6lbs. This pump has an advanced control for ultimate personalization with 32 independent speeds and suction settings.
Choosing the right breast pump can feel pretty overwhelming. Take a look at this list, visit the Breastfeeding Shop’s website, and talk to your friends about what they use to find the right one.
The Dos and Don’ts of a Military Spouse Facebook Group
The Dos and Don’ts of a Military Spouse Facebook Group
Facebook! There is so much you can do on Facebook. From keeping in touch with your friends who moved away to sharing photos of your children so the Grandmas can see from across the country. Another benefit of Facebook is Facebook groups.
There are Facebook groups for everything. From your favorite TV show to your neighborhood. Within these groups you can talk to people you don’t know about topics that are important to you. You can make friends through groups, can connect with others in your community, and learn about something you didn’t know about before.
Within the military spouse world, there are plenty of Facebook groups to join. There are probably at least one or two based around where you are stationed. There are groups for each branch, groups for military spouses that are into different hobbies, and groups connected with military spouse blogs.
I have a Facebook group for my blog. I started the group about 18 months ago, and we are almost at 10,000 members. Having so many people in one group can bring up challenges and situations you don’t have in a much smaller group. Over the last 18 months, I have learned so much about running a Facebook group, connecting with other spouses, and the benefits of having this type of group.
For a group to run smoothly, the Facebook community has to work together so everyone can have a good experience.
These Dos and Don’ts of Facebook groups apply across the board and are just a good way to be on social media.
Do read the rules of the Facebook group
Every Facebook group should have rules listed. You should be able to read through these even before you join. Doing so is important. Knowing where the group stands on certain issues is important.
Don’t break the rules on purpose
If the rules state not to post about your business, don’t post about your business. Rules are there for a reason so make sure you abide by them. In some cases, if you don’t, you could be banned from the group.
Do be understanding of people who don’t know as much as you do
In any group you join, some people will know more than you do, some will know less. Be understanding of those who don’t know as much. Some people are new to military spouse life and don’t quite understand how everything works.
Don’t call anyone names just because they don’t quite understand something the same way
There is no need to call other people names. If someone is making you mad in a Facebook group, walk away and take a break. You don’t have to respond to anyone.
Do know the theme or topic that the group is about
Make sure you are aware of what the group is about. I have been in groups where some strange comment is posted, and drama ensues, all because the person posting the comment didn’t quite understand what the group is about.
Don’t be negative on posts just because you don’t relate to the topic
You won’t relate to every post that is shared. There is no need to answer a post on a topic you hate or don’t care about. There are plenty of other posts you can respond to.
Do tell your friends about groups you love
If you like the Facebook group you are in, let your friends know about it. They will enjoy the group too.
Don’t add people without asking them beforehand
Don’t add people without asking. Even more so if it is a group based on someone selling something. It never hurts to send a quick message to see if the person is interested in the group. Otherwise, your friend will start to see posts from a group they might not even know they have been added to.
Do be respectful in your responses
There is always a good way and a bad way to respond to someone, especially if they are asking for advice. Being respectful in your responses will go a long way in helping someone out or hurting them.
Don’t be rude, just because you can
Some people like to be rude to others just because. Don’t be that person.
Do know that anyone in the group can see what you post
Know that whatever you post will be shared with the people in the group. Double check the settings of the group. If the group you are in is a “Public” group, anyone on your friend’s list can see what you post. If it is a “closed group” only the people in the group can see.
Don’t overshare information about your situation that you would not want to get out into the world
The sad truth is that anyone can screen shot what someone else posts in a group. There is no way to stop this from happening completely. So please be aware when you are posting that this could happen.
Do know about OPSEC and PERSEC
Know what OPSEC and PERSEC is. Things like posting when your spouse is deploying isn’t okay. Know how much is too much for social media.
Military Spouse Facebook groups can help you meet other spouses, find out about where you are PCSing too, and help you through your deployment. When you join one, make sure you are aware of the rules, be kind and respectful to others, and you should have a good experience.
What are your favorite Military Spouse Facebook groups?
The Truth About the Military Spouse Community
The Truth About the Military Spouse Community
I have noticed something, and it makes me sad. Military spouses who have no desire to be involved in the military community because they think everyone is awful. They don’t want to try to be friends with other military spouses because they believe all military spouses are the same and that they don’t want to be involved in their drama.
I just have to say, that in the 12 years I have been a military spouse, this has not been my experience.
Are there terrible military spouses out there? Yes, of course. Just like there are terrible civilian spouses out there. Terrible people are everywhere but so are amazing people. And the military community has a lot more of them.
Do military spouses cause drama? Yes, they do, but you know what? There is drama everywhere else too. There is drama in a civilian neighborhood, there is drama in a civilian school, there is drama just about anywhere you find other people. Life has drama.
When you shut yourself off to the military community as a whole, you are shutting yourself off to the ability to meet other people who understand what you are going through. You shut yourself off to the opportunity to meet people who can become family. You shut yourself off to making some amazing memories and getting to know your neighbors and your community.
If you are feeling like no one understands you, if you feel like you are the only military spouse who believes a certain way, I guarantee you are not alone. I guarantee that there are other military spouses out there, in your own military community, that believes the same way that you do.
When you are new to military life, the community can feel a bit overwhelming. There is so much to learn, so many terms, so many traditions. You can feel a little lost.
When you get to your first duty station and don’t know a soul, you can start to feel invisible. The school is asking for an emergency contact, and you don’t know anyone local, let alone anyone you would trust with your children. You see other spouses with their friends, and you want that, but you are not sure how to get it.
You might be a seasoned spouse who is moving for the sixth time in ten years. Things didn’t go so well at your last duty station, so you tell yourself that this time you will stick to the civilian side of things. You will stay far away from the military community. But then your spouse deploys, and you are left alone, wondering how to make it through, wondering how you will do so without any battle buddies.
The truth is, our military communities are filled with people, and people do make mistakes. They are filled with good experiences and bad ones. They are filled with happiness and sadness. They are filled with men and women who all want to live the best life that they can with the people around them.
So whether you are brand new to this life or whether you have been a spouse for a long time, try to reach out and find the good in your military community. The good is there, I promise.
You can see it when one spouse loses her child, and her friends are there to help her through. You see it when one spouse loses her husband, and her battle buddies are right there by her side. You see it when a mom is having a baby and her community rallies around her and offers support.
The truth is, not everything is going to go smoothly. In a military community, you will find drama, you will find people who ignore you, you will find people who won’t understand you. But they do not make up all of the community. They should not ruin things for you so that you swear off military spouses for good.
This isn’t to say you shouldn’t be guarded or careful. Opening your heart to everyone you meet isn’t always the best plan. But you can go into your community with hope. You can work hard to be the type of friend you are looking for. You can work hard to make the military community a better place.
What do you love about your own military community?
The Deployment Dread
The Deployment Dread
Deployments! There was a period when deployments were my life. My husband was either preparing for a deployment, away on deployment, or newly home from one. It seemed like as soon as we had a few weeks together, they were talking about the next one.
This was exhausting!
Always feeling like I had to be prepared for a deployment started to get to me. That deployment dread, I hated feeling that way. I didn’t want to feel that way. But I also didn’t want to forget what was ahead.
This deployment dread is that pit in your stomach when you hear about your spouse going overseas.
It is when you hear a name of a country on the news and realize that is where they could be headed. Deployment dread is recognizing that they are going to miss your son’s next birthday or the start of a new school year.
Deployment dread is not a good thing to have. But what can do you do about it? Here are some ideas!
Remember the benefits
Remember that there are benefits to a deployment. Some are financial, and some are emotional. Although most spouses would prefer their spouse not deploy, doing so can bring about positive changes in your home.
From paying off debt to your spouse being able to move ahead in their career. If you can focus on these things more than what they will be missing, dealing with the deployment dread will be easier.
Focus on you
When you start to worry about the upcoming deployment, try to focus on yourself instead. What do you need to work on personally? What will you work on when they are gone?
For some this means going back to school, for others, this means working on a weight loss goal or even reorganizing their home. When you can come up with a list of deployment goals, you have something to focus on and get excited about even if your spouse is going to be away.
Enjoy your time together
Don’t turn the time you have together until the deployment starts into a depressing time. You will have break downs about a possible future deployment but overall, focus on spending time together. Make plans, have family time, go on dates, and talk about what you guys will do to connect the next time they have to go.
During the pre-deployment period, you might argue more than usual. This is normal but try not to let the arguing be your focus. Both of you are stressed because things could change soon. Work hard to make those memories together and enjoy all the time that you have before they have to go.
Remember, this too shall pass
Whatever is ahead of you, remember, you will get through it. Time will pass. Days will go by. And no matter how hard things seem, you will make it through the deployment. Life is filled with ups and downs. Some years will be better than others. Deployment years are going to be more challenging than nondeployment years.
Sometimes the deployment dread can be a lot worse than when they actually leave for deployment. There are a lot of fears associated with a deployment. Some of them are valid, and some of them are not. Keep in mind that your upcoming deployment will probably surprise you, and at the end, you will look back and be amazed at what you have done.
Connect with others
Find other military spouses to connect with. Whenever the deployment dread hits you, make plans with a friend or put something on the calendar where you can get out and meet people. Walking through the pre-deployment season with other spouses who understand will help you more than you realize.
Other spouses have been through this before and can give you good advice a long the way. And then, when the deployment starts, you will have people to depend on. You can help one another out, no matter how long the deployment might be.
Do you struggle with worrying about the next deployment even if there isn’t one on the calendar? How do you deal with it?