Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

military spouse

5 Challenges of Being a Military Spouse Married to a Member of the National Guard or the Reserves

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5 Challenges of Being a Military Spouse Married to a Member of the National Guard or the Reserves

I spent almost 9 years as an active duty army wife, and now it has been over three years since I became a National Guard spouse. I feel like on some levels I have seen both sides. On the other hand, because we live right outside Fort Campbell, a very military town, my life looks a little different from other National Guard and Reserve spouse life.

However, I know that there are some pretty specific struggles and challenges that affect these military spouses. Ones in which active duty spouses might not understand. Ones in which civilian friends might not understand.

5 Challenges of Being a Military Spouse Married to a Member of the National Guard or the Reserves

Here are some of the struggles and challenges of military spouses married to a member of the National Guard or the Reserves:

Not being seen as a military spouse

Being a National Guard or Reserve spouse can make you feel like less than in a sea of other spouses. Our spouses have civilian jobs. Ones that don’t usually require a military uniform. This can be a difficult place to be in as not everything we read about military life applies to us.

For many, the idea of shopping at the Commissary isn’t even something they think much about, the closest one could be a day’s drive away. There is no on-post childcare to take advantage of, and the FRG might be really hard to find, if they even have one. It can be difficult to even find a place within the military spouse online community when National Guard or Reserves life feel so different from what is being portrayed.

5 Challenges of Being a Military Spouse Married to a Member of the National Guard or the Reserves

Being so far from the military community

Being so far from the military community can be difficult too, especially during a deployment. For many, they might be the only military spouse they know in real life. They are the only ones missing their husband, in a town full of people who just don’t quite understand what that is like.

The advice is to reach out and try to see if there is anyone else in their area with a spouse who serves. And if they can’t find anyone, look online. But even there, most of the groups and pages focus around active duty life. It can be difficult to truly find your people when your numbers are smaller than others.

The truth is, there are plenty of National Guard and Reserves spouses that are looking for community just like you are. They are feeling lonely and also feel that they will never find anyone else who gets it. You are not alone in this at all.

Questioning if programs and discounts apply to them too

When you hear about a military spouse program, or even a military discount, you always have to question if it applies to you too. Not all programs and discounts are for those in the National Guard or Reserves. Some are just for active duty. And knowing this makes us have to question every single one before we apply or ask for the discount.

5 Challenges of Being a Military Spouse Married to a Member of the National Guard or the Reserves

Drill weekend is lonely, and its okay to say so

Drill weekends are lonely, and usually, that is when Murphy decides to come to the home. Without fail, something always breaks when they are gone. Drill weekends are usually when we have the most activities going on that we could use our spouse home for. Drill weekends get lonely sometimes too.

And while yes, there are benefits to having a weekend alone now and then, it’s okay for a National Guard or Reserves spouse to miss their husband or wife when they are gone. Yes, we are all aware that others have had to be away from their spouses for longer.

The truth is, whether you are married to someone who is active duty or in the National Guard or Reserves, they are going to have to deploy sometimes. And sometimes those deployments are long. They will also go away for trainings and schools, for weeks and sometimes months at a time.

Active duty doesn’t have the claim on missing their spouses. All military spouses experience that at one time or another, and it is best to support one another through it instead of telling another spouse their husband or wife isn’t gone long enough to miss them.

Not quite fitting in at home either

While it can be difficult to fit in with the military community, it can also be difficult to fit in with the civilian one. When your spouse is in the National Guard or the Reserves, they are still serving. They are still apart of that 1%. And sometimes it can be difficult to fit in with people who don’t know anything about that life.

This feeling of not quite fitting in at home can be difficult and frustrating. The best thing to do is to look at your civilian friends and find something in common. Maybe one of them has a spouse that goes away on business trips all the time, maybe another has a spouse with another type of dangerous job. There is common ground there and there are ways to connect, even through your differences.

As a military community, we are stronger together. Whether we are married to someone on active duty, someone in the National Guard or Reserves, or someone that is retired. We can all learn from one another, and help each other through.

Are you married to someone in the National Guard or the Reserves? How long have they been serving?

The Best Deployment Blog Posts To Help You During Deployment

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I have been a military spouse blogger for eleven years now. During all this time I have connected with so many other bloggers out there. Some of them are other Army wives, and others are from other branches. Some have had similar experiences to me, and others have had very different ones.

Over the years, I have learned from them as I have gone down my own military spouse road. They offer some pretty amazing advice and can help you through anything military life throws at you. From an extra-long deployment to a PCS to a place you never wanted to go.

If you have just started a deployment, you might not know what to do or even where to go for advice. The good news is that there are a lot of places you can go to find what you need. You have your FRG, although the FRG doesn’t always work out for everyone. You also have your friends who have gone through a deployment too. But sometimes all of their spouses are home as you try to make sense of yours being away.

The next place to look is online. The internet is filled with websites, blogs, and videos all about deployment. I asked some of my military spouse blogger friends about their top posts on deployments:

I hope that you can find the advice you need for your own deployment through the words of these amazing writers and bloggers:

T. T. Robinson tells the story of her husband deploying, the father of her children, in the midst of a hurricane with More Than a Hundred Sleeps: A Father Deploys. If you have ever started a deployment with children, you should be able to relate to how hard it can be for a father to say goodbye.

Jen from Jen McDonald has the post, 15 Bible Verses for Military Spouses Facing Deployment or Separation. This post gives us Bible verses to think and reflect on during time away from our spouse. Whether you are religious or not, these verses can bring some comfort to you.

The Best Deployment Blog Posts To Help You During Deployment

Amanda from Airman to Mom has a post, 31 Days of Deployment Stories. She is sharing deployment stories to help encourage and inspire you through your own deployments. Hearing stories from others is one of the best ways to remember that you are truly not alone in what you are going through.

NextGenMilspouse gives us a post, Why I Don’t ‘Just Move Home’ During a Deployment. This post is the guest contributor Kimmie Fink’s response to people, including her own husband, who tell her to “just move home” during a deployment. While moving home is a personal decision, most spouses do decide to stay for a variety of reasons.

Amber, from Airing My Laundry, gives us her own reasons for not moving home in Why I Didn’t “Go Home” When My Husband Deployed. From liking her own things to not wanting her kids to leave their schools, there are a lot of good reasons to stay.

Lizann from The Seasoned Spouse, talks about Things I DIDN’T Do This Deployment in her post. From decorating care packages to not making a homecoming sign. Sometimes it feels like we have to do all the things in order to be a real military spouse, but that simply isn’t true.

Make sure to visit some of my own deployment resources as well. From my deployment posts to my Facebook group. You can also sign up for my mailing list to receive a Free Guide for The First 30 Days of a Deployment.

Remember, you are not in this alone, and there are a lot of people out there that want to help you get through your deployment too. 

What is your favorite deployment resource?

Why Military Spouses Should Keep a Journal, Especially During a Deployment

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Why Military Spouses Should Keep a Journal, Especially During a Deployment

Have you ever been mad at the military? I know I have. What is the best thing to do in that situation? Venting about it to my friends can help, but in the end, there is nothing anyone can do to help my situation. The Army did what the Army does, and there isn’t anything I can do to change that.

So out comes my journal, and I write all about how angry I am at the Army, how unfair I feel this decision was, and how I wish things were better. No one will ever read what I wrote, and I feel better about dealing with the situation.

Why Military Spouses Should Keep a Journal, Especially During a Deployment

Other times, especially during a deployment, I have missed my husband so much I couldn’t get it together. Out came my journal, and I started to write. I let everything out. How sad I was, how frustrated I was, how I wish things were different.

Sitting down with my journal is very therapeutic. Just to get things out, to write out what I am feeling, to express myself in that way, it helps.

There are many different tips about how to get through a deployment, writing in a journal is one of them and with good reason. There are so many benefits to doing so.

Why Military Spouses Should Keep a Journal, Especially During a Deployment

Writing in a journal can help with your stress and anxiety. If you struggle with anxiety, you know how it can be hard to get others to understand. Your journal doesn’t judge. Your journal lets you talk about what is going on, even if you feel you are alone in what you are struggling with.

Writing in a journal can help you put things in perspective. Sometimes what we most worry about can be dealt with by thinking about the big picture. A journal can help you see what that is.

Writing in a journal is relaxing. You can make journal writing apart of your routine. Grab a cup of coffee, grab your journal, and write a little before your kids wake up or get home from school. Pull out your journal before bed each night. Your journal can become a comfort item for you.

Writing in a journal allows you to record your days. Having a record of your day to day can be fun. As your children grow up, you can look back at what life was like two years ago, five years, or even ten. Journaling can also be a good way to remember what happened when your spouse was gone so you can share with them later.

Writing in a journal allows you to reflect on what you have been through. Since I have journaled through every deployment, I can look back at the first week, the first month, how I felt after R&R, or even how I felt that last week. Reading back reminds me how difficult things were and what I was able to accomplish when my husband was gone.

Why Military Spouses Should Keep a Journal, Especially During a Deployment

When I went to see a counselor during our 4th deployment, she told me to journal three pages every day to help. And that is what I tried to do. Writing in my journal was the best way to get my stress and anxiety out. I tried to do that to get myself in a better place, and journaling helped get me there.

I am a big fan of paper journals. There are so many cute ones out there and picking a new one is always a fun thing to do. Other people keep a journal on their computers. It doesn’t matter. Just find a way that works for you.

If you have never journaled before, give it a try. You might find it works well and can help you through your next deployment. No one will read what you write, and no one will judge you for what you have to say.

Do you keep a journal???

When You Are Faced With A Really Bad Deployment

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When You Are Faced With A Really Bad Deployment

There is never such a thing as a good deployment. I don’t think very many spouses jump for joy when they hear the news their soldier will have to deploy. There is a lot of sadness that comes with the news. However, there can be deployments and there can be really bad deployments.

Some deployments are really bad because they are too long.

Some deployments are really bad because more than a few people lose their life or come home injured.

Some deployments are really bad because they come at the worst possible time for that particular family. Whether it is because of a child or a marriage or something else.

When You Are Faced With A Really Bad Deployment

 

Some deployments are really bad because you don’t feel emotionally ready for them to begin.

Some deployments are really bad because you never thought that this deployment would happen.

Whatever the reason, starting a really bad deployment can hit you emotionally. These deployments can cause a lot of pain and tears.

So what do you do if you are in this situation?

What should you do when the orders have been cut, you know when they are leaving, and you feel like you just can’t deal with everything?

When You Are Faced With A Really Bad Deployment

1) Find a battle buddy. You need one. It doesn’t have to be someone who is also going through a deployment but that can help. Find someone you can call at 11 pm at night because your 2-year-old has a 104 fever and you need someone to watch your three other kids.

Find someone you can go to coffee with. Find someone who will not judge you and you will walk with you through the whole deployment. If you are new or all your friends moved away, go places where you can meet people. MOPS, PWOC, FRG, book club or even the gym are perfect places to make new friends.

2) Start to see a counselor. This is what I had to do. I had never been to one before but when I felt the floor falling underneath me at the thought of my husband deploying again, I knew I had to go.

You can easily do this through Tricare. They pay for at least eight visits, maybe more. Go to Military One Source for more information. Don’t feel any shame in this at all. Sometimes we just need someone to talk to about everything going on in our lives.

3) Make plans. Fill up your calendar. Plan a trip, plan a visit home, plan to start classes or something else you have always wanted to do. You are going to need to stay busy. The busier you are, the better things will be. If you can have things in place before they even leave, all the better.

When You Are Faced With A Really Bad Deployment

4) Cry when you need to. I think sometimes Military spouses feel they need to be strong every hour of every day. The truth is, we need to let it out sometimes.

After the kids go to bed, have a good cry, write in your journal, grab a glass of wine and turn on a fun movie. It is okay to be sad about this. Deployments are hard and they are not any fun. Cry when you need to. Doing so will be good for you.

Deployments can be hard on people. They can seem too overwhelming and something you wish would just go away. The fact is, if you are married to someone in the Military, they will be part of your life eventually. The best thing to do when faced with one is get prepared as much as you can. Hopefully, these tips can help you get ready for your next time of separation.

What would you add to this list?

25 Tips For The Brand New Military Spouse

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The brand new military spouse

25 Tips For The Brand New Military Spouse

Your husband of two years just left for basic training.

Your boyfriend is on his way to Ft. Benning, fulfilling his dream.

You are getting married, and then a week later, you and your new husband are moving to Ft. Bliss in Texas, a state you never even thought about visiting let alone moving to.

Welcome to the military, as a new spouse, you are for sure feeling overwhelmed. Your life has just done a 180, and you are a bit lost.

When my husband joined, and we were at our first duty station in Germany, I remember standing there watching a group of soldiers march by. Was this my life now? What did I get myself into? There was so much I didn’t understand.

So if you are brand new to this life, here are 25 tips to help you start your military spouse journey:

1. Learn about TRICARE

Learn what you can about TRICARE. Spend some time on their website. There is a lot to learn, and things can change quickly. But knowing where to go to find that information is necessary.

2. Bloom where you are planted

Remember that no matter where you get stationed, you can bloom where you are planted. You can make the best of a horrible duty station, no matter how bad the negative reviews are. Make sure you are working towards enjoying where you live, every day.

new military spouse

3. Deployments happen

Deployments will happen, and not always at the best time. You can’t plan for them, and they can be disappointing, but they are a big part of military life. Luckily there is a lot of deployment support out there.

4. Not everyone is trustworthy

Sadly, not everyone you meet is going to be trustworthy. Keep this in mind but also know that there are plenty of amazing military spouses out there too.

5. Try your FRG, at least once

Give it a try, just once. What would that hurt? If you hate it, don’t go back. But if you go, there is always the chance that you ended up in a good FRG and being a part of that will help you in your military spouse life.

6. Explore the Commissary

When you first get to your duty station, explore the Commissary. Figure out how long it takes you to get there and do your own price matching so that you can see if shopping there will save you money. In some places it does, in others, it doesn’t. And try not to go on payday, trust me on that one.

7. Befriend your neighbors

Say hi to your neighbors and befriend them, at least with a smile. Getting along with your neighbors will make for a better experience, whether you are on post or off.

8. Remember OPSEC

OPSEC is so important. Learn what it means and lean on the side of not sharing that info if you are not sure.

9. Practice PERSEC

PERSEC is more individual. Talk that over with your spouse, so you are on the same page. If he doesn’t want his photo on Facebook, don’t share it.

10. Don’t overshare

There is no need to overshare details on social media. Stay as vague as you can. You can still get your point across without sharing such personal details.

11. Respect your marriage

Always respect your marriage, whether they are home or overseas. Respect your spouse online. They are going to piss you off; you don’t always have to share when they do.

12. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there

Putting yourself out there can be difficult, especially if you are more on the introverted side but doing so can be worth it.

new military spouse

13. Help others when you can

If you see someone you can help, do so. If you can’t personally help in their situation, you could direct them to someone or a resource who can.

14. Say no to things

You don’t have to say yes to everything. When you get involved in your community, there will be a lot of things you could say yes to. Don’t burn yourself out and know that sometimes, it is okay to say no.

15. Buy a journal

Buy a cute journal and when you are stressed, write in it. When you are missing your spouse, write in it. Not only will that help you in the moment but reading back in the future can help you too.

16. Find the deployment tips that work for you

There are so many deployment tips out there. Not all of them will work for you. Figure out which ones work for you and your family.

17. Don’t be overwhelmed by the acronyms

There are so many acronyms in the military world. There is no way to learn them all. The good news is that they are pretty easy to figure out if you look them up online.

18. Live on post at least once

Give living on post/base a try. If you are new, doing so can be a good way to get to know military life. If you don’t like it, live off in the future.

19. Don’t overspend when you get extra money

There will be times when your spouse gets extra pay. Don’t overspend when they do. You will kick yourself later.

20. Have a plan for deployment pay

Before your spouse goes anywhere, have a plan for any extra deployment pay and be on the same page about what you will do with the money.

21. Make plans, but put them in pencil

You can make plans when you are a military spouse, just make sure they are in pencil. They might have to change at a moment’s notice.

22. Join new clubs

If you are feeling lonely and fear you won’t ever make any friends, try something new. Go to MOPS, PWOC or a regular playdate with your kids. Get out of the house and meet new people.

new military spouse

23. Cry if you need to

If you need to cry, do so. Some people cry more than others; it’s just the way they handle stress. Don’t listen to anyone that tells you not to cry.

24. Don’t let someone else’s bad experience become yours

We all have our own experiences, especially about duty stations. Don’t let someone else’s bad experience ruin things for you. Keep what they said in mind but don’t automatically assume you will have that same bad experience that you have.

25. Find extra help if you need it

If you need extra help, don’t be afraid to find it. This could mean hiring a babysitter on a regular basis or setting up time with a counselor. Don’t be afraid to reach out when you are feeling lost or not sure how you will make it through.

What are your best tips for the brand new military spouse???

Favorite Military Discounts That Military Spouses Love

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Favorite Military Discounts That Military Spouses Love

Military discounts are the best! Whether it is 10% off at your favorite restaurant or a buy one get one free pass at a local establishment. There are such a variety of military discounts out there, and not all of them apply nationwide.

Some military discounts are more popular than others but they are a way for military families to save money, even if it is just a few dollars. When businesses offer these discounts, they are saying thank you to the military community and their kindness is very much appreciated.

Here are some favorite military discounts that military spouses love:

Shoes

What growing military family doesn’t need shoes? The good news is quite a few stores offer a military discount on shoes. Payless and Rack Room Shoes offer you 10% off, and the Foot Locker offers you 20%.

Blue Star Museums

A collaboration with the National Endowment for the Arts, Blue Star Families, the Department of Defense, and Museums Across America has created Blue Star Museums. They offer free admission to active duty military personnel and their families to include the National Guard and the Reserves. This offer is from Memorial Day to Labor Day, and you can see a list of participating museums here.

Home Depot and Lowes

Need to work on a home project? Spouse deployed and you want to paint that room you keep putting off. Home Depot and Lowe’s will offer 10% off at their stores.

Disney

Disney is one of the best discounts you can find. They offer the Armed Forces Salute at both Disneyland and Disney World. You will be able to save a lot of money this way. There are also select military discounts at hotels near the parks that would be worth checking out.

Sea World/Busch Gardens

You can get in on the Waves of Honor discount at Sea World’s nationwide, Busch Gardens, and Sesame Place. Each service member can receive one free ticket as well as three other free tickets for their dependents. Visit the Sea World page for more information on this military discount. This discount is valid for Active duty, National Guard, and the Reserves.

Michael’s and Joann’s

Into crafting? Want to buy some decorations for the upcoming fall and winter seasons? Check out Michael’s, who offer 15% off and Joann’s who offer 10% off.

National Parks

You can get a National Parks and Federal Recreational Lands Pass just by showing your ID at your local National Park. The pass is good for a year.

Old Navy/The Gap

Your local Old Navy and The Gap should have a military discount too. Usually, it is about 10%. Some places offer the discount every day, others every Monday or a few times a month. Make sure to ask when you are at your local store to find out what they offer.

Hotels

Finding a discount on a hotel for your vacation can save you some money. Check out Marriot, Embassy Suites, Choice Hotels, or anywhere you plan on staying to see if they offer a discount too.

Your favorite restaurants

Restaurants are a bit tricky as they can depend on the management at the specific locations. Most restaurants that offer a military discount give you 10-20% off depending on their discount. Make sure to ask before you pay if you are unsure about their discount or have heard that they have one.

This post does contain affiliate links!

Veterans Advantage 

Veterans Advantage, Inc.
By signing up with Veterans Advantage, you can gain access to even more military discounts. With Veterans Advantage you can find discounts from name-brand companies such as Target, 1-800-Flowers, Adobe, Wendy’s, Regal, and more.

What are your favorite military discounts? Which ones do you use all the time?

Which Breast Pump Is Best For You?

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Which Breast Pump Is Best For You?

This is a sponsored post by the Breastfeeding Shop. 

Which Breast Pump Is Best For You?

If you didn’t already know, if you are pregnant or have had a baby, you can receive a $0 cost breast pump through TRICARE. The Breastfeeding Shop is a good place to get your breast pump. They have a form you can fill out and they make the process as easy as possible.

The Breastfeeding Shop also has an excellent variety of breast pumps to choose from. Since all moms are different, the best pump for you might be different than the best breast pump for your neighbor.

Here is a run-down of all the breast pumps the Breastfeeding Shop offers and a little about each one so that you can make the right decision on your pump.

Medela Pump in Style

This pump has an adjustable speed, single and double pumping, and comes with a tote bag. The pump weighs 4.2lbs, has a 2-phase expression technology, and the motor is compact and easy to carry.

Spectra S2

The Spectra S2 has an adjustable speed, single and double pumping, and a closed system. The pump also has dual voltage and is 4.1lbs. It is gentle and quiet and has a night light which makes this pump perfect for nighttime pumping sessions.

Ardo Calypso

This pump has adjustable speed, single and double pumping, and a closed system. It is also dual voltage, battery option, and 3.2lbs. The Ardo Calypso uses vacuum seal technology.

Ameda Purely Yours

This pump has an adjustable speed, single and double pumping, and a closed system. The pump is only 1lb which makes it very lightweight. There is also airlock protection and no cleaning of the tubing needed.

Hygeia Q

The Hygeia Q has an adjustable speed, single and double pumping, and a closed system. The pump is 2.4lbs, and you can independently control cycle rate and suction strength for your particular needs.

Spectra S9 Plus 9

This pump also has an adjustable speed, single and double pumping, and a closed system. This pump has a battery option, is 1lb, and very portable. This pump is ideal for travel although the suction isn’t as great as it would be on a stand alone pump.

Spectra S1

This Spectra pump has an adjustable speed, single and double pumping, and a closed system too. It also has dual voltage, battery option, 4.1lbs with a built in rechargeable battery. This pump is very quiet with a max suction of 300 mmHg.

Lansinoh Signature Pro

This pump has an adjustable speed, single and double pumping, and a closed system. There is a battery option, comes with a tote and is 2.3lbs. This pump also has Bluetooth technology.

Evenflo Advanced Deluxe 

This Evenflo pump has an adjustable speed, single and double pumping, and a closed system. There is also a battery option, a tote, and the pump is 6lbs. This pump has an advanced control for ultimate personalization with 32 independent speeds and suction settings.

Choosing the right breast pump can feel pretty overwhelming. Take a look at this list, visit the Breastfeeding Shop’s website, and talk to your friends about what they use to find the right one.