Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

military spouse

Which Breast Pump Is Best For You?

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Which Breast Pump Is Best For You?

This is a sponsored post by the Breastfeeding Shop. 

Which Breast Pump Is Best For You?

If you didn’t already know, if you are pregnant or have had a baby, you can receive a $0 cost breast pump through TRICARE. The Breastfeeding Shop is a good place to get your breast pump. They have a form you can fill out and they make the process as easy as possible.

The Breastfeeding Shop also has an excellent variety of breast pumps to choose from. Since all moms are different, the best pump for you might be different than the best breast pump for your neighbor.

Here is a run-down of all the breast pumps the Breastfeeding Shop offers and a little about each one so that you can make the right decision on your pump.

Medela Pump in Style

This pump has an adjustable speed, single and double pumping, and comes with a tote bag. The pump weighs 4.2lbs, has a 2-phase expression technology, and the motor is compact and easy to carry.

Spectra S2

The Spectra S2 has an adjustable speed, single and double pumping, and a closed system. The pump also has dual voltage and is 4.1lbs. It is gentle and quiet and has a night light which makes this pump perfect for nighttime pumping sessions.

Ardo Calypso

This pump has adjustable speed, single and double pumping, and a closed system. It is also dual voltage, battery option, and 3.2lbs. The Ardo Calypso uses vacuum seal technology.

Ameda Purely Yours

This pump has an adjustable speed, single and double pumping, and a closed system. The pump is only 1lb which makes it very lightweight. There is also airlock protection and no cleaning of the tubing needed.

Hygeia Q

The Hygeia Q has an adjustable speed, single and double pumping, and a closed system. The pump is 2.4lbs, and you can independently control cycle rate and suction strength for your particular needs.

Spectra S9 Plus 9

This pump also has an adjustable speed, single and double pumping, and a closed system. This pump has a battery option, is 1lb, and very portable. This pump is ideal for travel although the suction isn’t as great as it would be on a stand alone pump.

Spectra S1

This Spectra pump has an adjustable speed, single and double pumping, and a closed system too. It also has dual voltage, battery option, 4.1lbs with a built in rechargeable battery. This pump is very quiet with a max suction of 300 mmHg.

Lansinoh Signature Pro

This pump has an adjustable speed, single and double pumping, and a closed system. There is a battery option, comes with a tote and is 2.3lbs. This pump also has Bluetooth technology.

Evenflo Advanced Deluxe 

This Evenflo pump has an adjustable speed, single and double pumping, and a closed system. There is also a battery option, a tote, and the pump is 6lbs. This pump has an advanced control for ultimate personalization with 32 independent speeds and suction settings.

Choosing the right breast pump can feel pretty overwhelming. Take a look at this list, visit the Breastfeeding Shop’s website, and talk to your friends about what they use to find the right one.

 

The Dos and Don’ts of a Military Spouse Facebook Group

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The Dos and Don'ts of a Military Spouse Facebook Group

The Dos and Don’ts of a Military Spouse Facebook Group

Facebook! There is so much you can do on Facebook. From keeping in touch with your friends who moved away to sharing photos of your children so the Grandmas can see from across the country. Another benefit of Facebook is Facebook groups.

There are Facebook groups for everything. From your favorite TV show to your neighborhood. Within these groups you can talk to people you don’t know about topics that are important to you. You can make friends through groups, can connect with others in your community, and learn about something you didn’t know about before.

Within the military spouse world, there are plenty of Facebook groups to join. There are probably at least one or two based around where you are stationed. There are groups for each branch, groups for military spouses that are into different hobbies, and groups connected with military spouse blogs.

I have a Facebook group for my blog. I started the group about 18 months ago, and we are almost at 10,000 members. Having so many people in one group can bring up challenges and situations you don’t have in a much smaller group. Over the last 18 months, I have learned so much about running a Facebook group, connecting with other spouses, and the benefits of having this type of group.

The Dos and Don'ts of a Military Spouse Facebook Group

For a group to run smoothly, the Facebook community has to work together so everyone can have a good experience.

These Dos and Don’ts of Facebook groups apply across the board and are just a good way to be on social media.

Do read the rules of the Facebook group

Every Facebook group should have rules listed. You should be able to read through these even before you join. Doing so is important. Knowing where the group stands on certain issues is important.

Don’t break the rules on purpose

If the rules state not to post about your business, don’t post about your business. Rules are there for a reason so make sure you abide by them. In some cases, if you don’t, you could be banned from the group.

Do be understanding of people who don’t know as much as you do

In any group you join, some people will know more than you do, some will know less. Be understanding of those who don’t know as much. Some people are new to military spouse life and don’t quite understand how everything works.

Don’t call anyone names just because they don’t quite understand something the same way

There is no need to call other people names. If someone is making you mad in a Facebook group, walk away and take a break. You don’t have to respond to anyone.

Do know the theme or topic that the group is about

Make sure you are aware of what the group is about. I have been in groups where some strange comment is posted, and drama ensues, all because the person posting the comment didn’t quite understand what the group is about.

Don’t be negative on posts just because you don’t relate to the topic

You won’t relate to every post that is shared. There is no need to answer a post on a topic you hate or don’t care about. There are plenty of other posts you can respond to.

Do tell your friends about groups you love

If you like the Facebook group you are in, let your friends know about it. They will enjoy the group too.

The Dos and Don'ts of a Military Spouse Facebook Group

Don’t add people without asking them beforehand

Don’t add people without asking. Even more so if it is a group based on someone selling something. It never hurts to send a quick message to see if the person is interested in the group. Otherwise, your friend will start to see posts from a group they might not even know they have been added to.

Do be respectful in your responses

There is always a good way and a bad way to respond to someone, especially if they are asking for advice. Being respectful in your responses will go a long way in helping someone out or hurting them.

Don’t be rude, just because you can

Some people like to be rude to others just because. Don’t be that person.

Do know that anyone in the group can see what you post

Know that whatever you post will be shared with the people in the group. Double check the settings of the group. If the group you are in is a “Public” group, anyone on your friend’s list can see what you post. If it is a “closed group” only the people in the group can see.

Don’t overshare information about your situation that you would not want to get out into the world

The sad truth is that anyone can screen shot what someone else posts in a group. There is no way to stop this from happening completely. So please be aware when you are posting that this could happen.

Do know about OPSEC and PERSEC

Know what OPSEC and PERSEC is. Things like posting when your spouse is deploying isn’t okay. Know how much is too much for social media.

Military Spouse Facebook groups can help you meet other spouses, find out about where you are PCSing too, and help you through your deployment. When you join one, make sure you are aware of the rules, be kind and respectful to others, and you should have a good experience.

What are your favorite Military Spouse Facebook groups?

The Truth About the Military Spouse Community

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The Truth About the Military Spouse Community

I have noticed something, and it makes me sad. Military spouses who have no desire to be involved in the military community because they think everyone is awful. They don’t want to try to be friends with other military spouses because they believe all military spouses are the same and that they don’t want to be involved in their drama.

I just have to say, that in the 12 years I have been a military spouse, this has not been my experience. 

Military Community

Are there terrible military spouses out there? Yes, of course. Just like there are terrible civilian spouses out there. Terrible people are everywhere but so are amazing people. And the military community has a lot more of them.

Do military spouses cause drama? Yes, they do, but you know what? There is drama everywhere else too. There is drama in a civilian neighborhood, there is drama in a civilian school, there is drama just about anywhere you find other people. Life has drama.

The Truth About the Military Spouse CommunityWhen you shut yourself off to the military community as a whole, you are shutting yourself off to the ability to meet other people who understand what you are going through. You shut yourself off to the opportunity to meet people who can become family. You shut yourself off to making some amazing memories and getting to know your neighbors and your community.

If you are feeling like no one understands you, if you feel like you are the only military spouse who believes a certain way, I guarantee you are not alone. I guarantee that there are other military spouses out there, in your own military community, that believes the same way that you do.

When you are new to military life, the community can feel a bit overwhelming. There is so much to learn, so many terms, so many traditions. You can feel a little lost.

When you get to your first duty station and don’t know a soul, you can start to feel invisible. The school is asking for an emergency contact, and you don’t know anyone local, let alone anyone you would trust with your children. You see other spouses with their friends, and you want that, but you are not sure how to get it.

The Truth About the Military Spouse Community

You might be a seasoned spouse who is moving for the sixth time in ten years. Things didn’t go so well at your last duty station, so you tell yourself that this time you will stick to the civilian side of things. You will stay far away from the military community. But then your spouse deploys, and you are left alone, wondering how to make it through, wondering how you will do so without any battle buddies.

The truth is, our military communities are filled with people, and people do make mistakes. They are filled with good experiences and bad ones. They are filled with happiness and sadness. They are filled with men and women who all want to live the best life that they can with the people around them.

So whether you are brand new to this life or whether you have been a spouse for a long time, try to reach out and find the good in your military community. The good is there, I promise.

You can see it when one spouse loses her child, and her friends are there to help her through. You see it when one spouse loses her husband, and her battle buddies are right there by her side. You see it when a mom is having a baby and her community rallies around her and offers support.

The truth is, not everything is going to go smoothly. In a military community, you will find drama, you will find people who ignore you, you will find people who won’t understand you. But they do not make up all of the community. They should not ruin things for you so that you swear off military spouses for good.

The Truth About the Military Spouse Community

This isn’t to say you shouldn’t be guarded or careful. Opening your heart to everyone you meet isn’t always the best plan. But you can go into your community with hope. You can work hard to be the type of friend you are looking for. You can work hard to make the military community a better place.

What do you love about your own military community?

 

The Deployment Dread

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The Deployment Dread

Deployments! There was a period when deployments were my life. My husband was either preparing for a deployment, away on deployment, or newly home from one. It seemed like as soon as we had a few weeks together, they were talking about the next one.

This was exhausting!

Always feeling like I had to be prepared for a deployment started to get to me. That deployment dread, I hated feeling that way. I didn’t want to feel that way. But I also didn’t want to forget what was ahead.

This deployment dread is that pit in your stomach when you hear about your spouse going overseas.

The Deployment Dread

It is when you hear a name of a country on the news and realize that is where they could be headed. Deployment dread is recognizing that they are going to miss your son’s next birthday or the start of a new school year.

Deployment dread is not a good thing to have. But what can do you do about it? Here are some ideas!

Remember the benefits

Remember that there are benefits to a deployment. Some are financial, and some are emotional. Although most spouses would prefer their spouse not deploy, doing so can bring about positive changes in your home.

From paying off debt to your spouse being able to move ahead in their career. If you can focus on these things more than what they will be missing, dealing with the deployment dread will be easier.

The Deployment Dread

Focus on you

When you start to worry about the upcoming deployment, try to focus on yourself instead. What do you need to work on personally? What will you work on when they are gone?

For some this means going back to school, for others, this means working on a weight loss goal or even reorganizing their home. When you can come up with a list of deployment goals, you have something to focus on and get excited about even if your spouse is going to be away.

Enjoy your time together

Don’t turn the time you have together until the deployment starts into a depressing time. You will have break downs about a possible future deployment but overall, focus on spending time together. Make plans, have family time, go on dates, and talk about what you guys will do to connect the next time they have to go.

During the pre-deployment period, you might argue more than usual. This is normal but try not to let the arguing be your focus. Both of you are stressed because things could change soon. Work hard to make those memories together and enjoy all the time that you have before they have to go.

The Deployment Dread

Remember, this too shall pass

Whatever is ahead of you, remember, you will get through it. Time will pass. Days will go by. And no matter how hard things seem, you will make it through the deployment. Life is filled with ups and downs. Some years will be better than others. Deployment years are going to be more challenging than nondeployment years.

Sometimes the deployment dread can be a lot worse than when they actually leave for deployment. There are a lot of fears associated with a deployment. Some of them are valid, and some of them are not. Keep in mind that your upcoming deployment will probably surprise you, and at the end, you will look back and be amazed at what you have done.

The Deployment Dread

Connect with others

Find other military spouses to connect with. Whenever the deployment dread hits you, make plans with a friend or put something on the calendar where you can get out and meet people. Walking through the pre-deployment season with other spouses who understand will help you more than you realize.

Other spouses have been through this before and can give you good advice a long the way. And then, when the deployment starts, you will have people to depend on. You can help one another out, no matter how long the deployment might be.

Do you struggle with worrying about the next deployment even if there isn’t one on the calendar? How do you deal with it?

How You Can Get A Breast Pump Through TRICARE for $0

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How You Can Get A Breast Pump Through TRICARE for $0

This is a sponsored post by the Breastfeeding Shop. 

How You Can Get A Breast Pump Through TRICARE for $0

We had two of our three children after my husband joined the Military. With these two boys, we had TRICARE Prime which comes with some benefits. Since I have had my boys, TRICARE has added a fantastic benefit that everyone who can take advantage of should. You can receive a breast pump through TRICARE for $0.

“Wait? A $0 breast pump just because I had a baby?” 

Yes! Since 2014, TRICARE will allow any female who has either given birth to a baby or adopted one to receive a $0 breast pump. This will encourage more moms to breastfeed and enjoy the benefits of breast milk. With a pump, they can help increase their milk supply, or be able to continue breastfeeding even after they return to work.

This benefit is valid for any type of TRICARE. This means that as a National Guard spouse I would be able to get the $0 breast pump too if I ever had another baby.

TRICARE will also pay for certain breast pump accessories such as tubing, bottles, and storage bags. This will allow you to have everything you need to start using your breast pump.

How You Can Get A Breast Pump Through TRICARE for $0

“But wait, I can get this pump, but how do I do so? Do I have to fill out a form?”

The good news is you can head on over to the Breastfeeding Shop, and they will help you receive your $0 breast pump. This is what you need to do:

  1. Get your prescription from your doctor. This must be from a TRICARE authorized provider. Your prescription should show that you can get either a basic manual or standard electric pump. The Breastfeeding Shop can also contact your physician directly, but the process will be faster if you can get that prescription yourself.
  2. Pick out the right pump. At the Breastfeeding Shop, there are quite a few pumps you can choose from. Read the reviews, talk to friends, and decide on the right pump for you and your baby.
  3. Fill out the Insurance Form at the Breastfeeding Shop and submit. Once they confirm your insurance, they will ship you your breast pump and breast pump accessories.
  4. Receive your breast pump and accessories, learn how to use your pump, and get started with the benefits of using a breast pump with your baby.

“That sounds awesome, can I do this before I have my baby? Or do I have to wait until they are born?”

You can do this before your baby comes. That way, you can have everything ready to go when they arrive. Of course, if you have already had your baby, you can still use this benefit too.

Head on over to the Breastfeeding Shop to see what breast pumps they have to offer and to get started. They would be happy to help if you have any extra questions and will work hard to make sure you can get your $0 breast pump in a timely manner.

Have you received your TRICARE breast pump benefit yet?

When Grandma Can’t Be There: The Reality of Living Far From Home

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When Grandma Can't Be There: The Reality of Living Far From Home

When Grandma Can’t Be There: The Reality of Living Far From Home

I just got back from three whole weeks in California. We did so many fun things. We went to Disneyland, Knott’s Berry Farm, Sea World, the Beach, and more. We also spent a lot of time with family.

We stayed with my family and my husband’s family came down to see us so we got to hang out with them too. My boys got to spend time with both Grandmas, Grandpa, their Uncle, their aunt, their great aunt, and their cousins.

Being able to spend this time together was very much needed. In February of this year, my family suffered a tragedy and lost my sister-in-law to suicide. I knew I wanted to visit in July before this happened but once it did, I knew I had to.

Life is shorter than we realize and nothing is guaranteed. I thought I would have plenty of time in the future to see my sister-in-law and I didn’t. So I planned a three week trip to California this summer and I hope I can do that again in the future.

When Grandma Can't Be There: The Hard Truth of Living Far From Home

We live over 2,000 miles from both of our families.

We moved away because of choice, we stay because we haven’t figured out a way to afford to move back. California is one expensive place.

If you are an active duty military family, you most likely will also be far from home. Maybe you are a few states away, but life makes visiting difficult. Maybe you are on different coasts, and visits are few and far between. Maybe you live in Europe, experiencing an overseas PCS, but part of you is still back home in the states.

We have been lucky over the years. Family has been able to visit us. When we were in Germany, all three living grandparents were able to visit with us there. They have also been able to take trips out to Tennessee to see us where we live now. Hopefully, there will be more in the future.

Right before we left for the airport to return to Tennessee I made a comment on Facebook about how I was looking forward to going home but I didn’t like that it was so far away from my family.

When I was in high school I couldn’t wait to leave. Two months after graduation I moved nine hours away to go to college. I have always wanted to live other places and experience how other people live.

When Grandma Can't Be There: The Hard Truth of Living Far From Home

But all of this independence comes with a cost.

Not living close to family means you can go years without seeing them. Yes, years.

Not living close to family means you are the cousins the rest of the family doesn’t really know, and that sucks.

Not living close to family means that each visit has a time limit and you can’t help but be aware of it.

Not living close to family means you will miss birthday parties, Christmases, Thanksgivings, and important events you otherwise wouldn’t have.

Not living close to family means you have to work that much harder at staying connected through the miles.

Someday we will hopefully live close to our families again. Someday we won’t have to miss them so much. And that is what I keep in mind when we say goodbye.

 

I am happy with my life here in Tennessee. We like our neighborhood, we like our church, we like the boy’s schools and the military community that surrounds us. This place has a lot to offer, but my family is simply too far away for me to be able to fully dig my roots into it.

If I think about everything we are missing, I can get pretty sad about the situation. I know my family is missing so much about my boys growing up.

I don’t even know what it would be like to have Grandma in the same town as us. I don’t know what being close to family on a day to day basis would be like.

I do know that so many military and even non-military families are living their lives away from their loved ones.

Those of us that are living far away have learned what we can do to make that distance a little bit closer. Calls and Facetime can help. Care packages can send love over the miles. Visits with one another are a must. And there is always hope that you will be able to move (or get stationed) close by them in the future.

How far away are you from your family? What do you do to stay connected to your family from miles away?

What I Have Learned After 15 Years of Marriage

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What I Have Learned After 15 Years of Marriage

What I Have Learned After 15 Years of Marriage

The first week of August my husband and I celebrated 15 years of marriage. That day in August 2002, I became a wife and started my life with my husband. We had met the year before, and we both knew right away that we were meant to be.

Over the years our life has gone in different directions than I thought it would. I didn’t believe that we would be a military family, that came a few years later. I thought we would have a daughter; we have three sons. I didn’t know how difficult certain things would be or where this road of life would lead us.

When you have been married for a while, you learn about what it means to be married, what it’s like to go through life with someone else, and what it’s like to raise a family together.

Here is what I have learned in the last 15 years of marriage:

What I Have Learned After 15 Years of Marriage

Life is full of surprises

Life is not going to go the way you think it will. Whether that means surviving through deployments you never knew you would have to go through, moving to a place you never even thought about, or having different children than you thought you would.

Life will be filled with happy things like a new baby, buying a house, and going on an amazing vacation. Life will have sadness in it whether it is the death of one of your parents to cancer, the suicide of your sister-in-law, or a time of struggling with jobs and making enough money.

You will go through these happy times, and sad ones. You will need to depend on one another when you do. All couples go through these different types of situations and as hard as they might seem, we are not alone in trying to figure out how to deal with them.

You won’t always like each other

Sometimes I get annoyed with my husband and sometimes he gets annoyed with me. Before deployments, we can fight more than we normally do, about the silly stupid stuff. You won’t always like your spouse, but that feeling won’t last forever if you can work through your situation.

Stress can cause a marriage to break, especially if you don’t address what is causing the stress. If you feel like you can’t get past a particular situation, it is okay to ask for extra help. Going to marriage counseling doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It can help you and your spouse and get you two to a better place.

You will still make each other smile

My husband still makes me smile. Whether it is because he is playing with the kids or because he is just walking through our house. I am still in love with this man and to be able to look at him and smile is a good thing.

Life sometimes gets so busy, and with both of us working hard, it can be difficult to find time to just hang out together, but we do try. Giving one another a quick smile or kiss during the day can go a long way in helping us connect during those busy days.

What I Have Learned After 15 Years of Marriage

Growing old together really is amazing

When my husband and I got married I was 23; he was 26. Now we are 38 and 41. We have grown up a lot since those years. When we look at our wedding photos, we look so much younger than we do today. We have gray hair, more wrinkles, and we don’t move quite as fast.

I love this part of marriage. Of knowing we were together when I was in my early twenties and knowing we will be going through our 40s together soon (I still have 1.5 years, haha.) As each year goes by, we learn more about one another and experience different stages of life.

We had the years before kids, then they started coming, and diapers and baby food were the norm. Now our oldest is almost a teenager, and we are entering a new stage of life. It’s fun to look back over the years of where we have been and all that we have done together.

As we start a new married year together, I am thankful for my husband. I love what we have built together, and I am excited to see where the future takes us.

How long have you been married? What is your best marriage tip?

25 Reasons To Go Home For a Deployment

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25 Reasons To Go Home For a Deployment

25 Reasons To Go Home For a Deployment

Deployment is coming. What do you do? Do you stay in your current home, solo parenting and making the best of your situations or do you pack it all up, go back home and get through the months away in a familiar space?

I went home for three months of a deployment, and it was one of the best things I ever could have done. I am not sure I would ever go home for that length of time again, my kids are older now, but for that deployment, it was the right choice.

25 Reasons To Go Home For a Deployment

Here are 25 reasons to go home for a deployment:

  • Because you hate your duty station

Let’s face it, if you can’t stand your duty station, going home for a deployment might work out in your favor. Getting a break from a place you don’t want to be can be a good idea. Even just going home for a few months can help you come back, ready to start over at the place you will still need to call home.

  • Because you hate your living situation at your duty station

You might love where you live just not your physical home. Your apartment could be way too small, you might hate your on post neighborhood, or just can’t stand your current living situation.

  • Because you just had a baby

After having a baby, having an extra set of hands during a deployment is going to be a good thing.

  • Because your family is helpful

If your family is helpful, going home will be a good thing. They will help you find a place to stay and be there for you when you need them.

  • Because your best friend still lives there

When your best friend still lives in your home town, spending time with her can be a perfect thing during a deployment. She might not fully understand military life, but she will be the listening ear that you need.

  • Because it snows too much at your duty station

If you are not used to snow, driving in the snow, and living in the snow, being at a place where it snows can be quite difficult. Why not head for warmer temps if that is the case?

  • Because you miss the beach

There is something about the beach, especially if you grew up with it in your backyard. Being close to the ocean water can be quite therapeutic.

  • Because you want your kids to know your family

What better way for your children to get to know your family than living right there with them.

  • 25 Reasons To Go Home For a DeploymentBecause you want to show your kids what life was like when you were growing up

When I went home for those three months, I was able to do a lot of the things I did growing up with my own children. That was a fun summer and one I will never forget.

  • Because you don’t want to be around the military 24/7

Sometimes we just want a big old break from the military. Going home for a deployment is a way to do it.

  • Because you want to visit, but you would rather just stay for a while

Visiting can be good, but staying a while can make the visit even better.

  • Because it is hard for anyone to come visit you

When no one can visit you, whether that is for health or financial reasons, going to them might be the only way to spend time together.

  • Because your kids haven’t started school

If your children are not school aged yet, going home makes more sense than if they are. This might be the only time to go home for a deployment.

  • Because you homeschool and you can

If you homeschool, going home for a few months won’t mess up the school year like it would if they attended school outside the house. Take advantage of this.

  • Because you want to experience something different

Home might be totally different than your current duty station. That might be just what you want for this deployment.

  • Because you want to always have help with the kids

Going home can mean having quite a few people to babysit your kids. People you love, people you trust, and people who love your children.

  • Because your family misses you

When you are the branch of the family tree who lives far away, people tend to miss you. Going home for a deployment can help with this.

  • Because you can save money

Look at your financial situation, will going home save you money?

  • Because you can go to school easier

If you want to go back to school, moving home could make that easier.

  • Because you want to help your family

Your own family might need help from you. Going home for a few months can be a way to help out when you otherwise would not be able to.

  • Because your mom is a good cook and you are not

When you are missing her home cooking, having it often during a deployment isn’t going to hurt.

  • Because you know your kids would love it

If you know your kids would enjoy your time back home, it could be something to seriously think about.

  • Because you will be PCSing right after he gets back

For some, going home make sense since you will be PCSing when they get home from the deployment.

  • Because you suffer from anxiety

Suffering from anxiety during a deployment can make things more difficult. Going home can help with that.

  • Because your duty station never felt like home

Sadly, no matter how hard you try, your duty station might never have clicked with you. And going home for the deployment will be your best bet.

25 Reasons To Go Home For a Deployment

When trying to make this decision, remember that going home for a deployment completely depends on you, your family, and your situation. What works for one person might not work for another.

I hope this list will get you thinking about whether it is the right option for you or not.

Have you ever gone home for a deployment? How was it?