Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Julie

The Pros and Cons of Life as a Military Family

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Life as a Military Family

At some point in your life, you, as a military spouse, had to decide to become a part of a military family. Either you choose to marry someone in the military, someone who would be joining the military, or you and your spouse decide together that they would join the military.

If you have been a military spouse for any length of time, you already know that military life is filled with highs and lows. There are pros and cons to this lifestyle. Within the years that your spouse serves, some will be better than others.

The Pros of Life as a Military Family

Community

One of the biggest pros of being in a military family is involvement in the military community. While this may differ a little based on where you are stationed, some fantastic, close-knit military communities exist. In addition, there are support groups and other types of groups military spouses can join to find community.

Living Somewhere New

Moving every few years can come with a lot of stress, but it can also be an amazing thing to experience living in different places. You will, of course, love some places over others, but learning about new areas and cultures is a fantastic perk about being in a military family.

The Benefits

It can be easy to dismiss some benefits, but they are very much in the pro column regarding military life. TRICARE can be a significant pain sometimes, but these benefits are HUGE compared to what you might find in some civilian jobs. In addition to TRICARE, military life comes with BAH, money for housing, BAS, money for food, and access to military discounts.

Lessons Learned

During your time as a military spouse, you will learn so much. You will learn about yourself, about patience, and how to be resilient, and you will be able to accomplish more than you ever thought you would be able to do. These are life lessons you will gain and take with you for the rest of your life.

The Cons of Life as a Military Family

Being in a military family makes for a complex life. And not everything is so great. Some things about this life can be pretty tricky. Let’s talk about the cons of life as a military family:

You Probably Can’t Live Near Family

While there are times when you may be able to get stationed near family, and in some cases, they might move to where you are, for most military families, once they join the military, you will no longer be able to live close to home. This can be difficult for some people. Raising children far from grandparents, extended family never seeing you, and just feeling like you don’t have a place at home anymore can be hard to handle.

Deployments

I think we all know having to send our spouse away to war and missing them for months at a time is a big con to this life. That doesn’t mean every second of deployment will be horrible. Many positive things can come from a deployment, and at the end of the day, a deployment is what our service members train for. Still, they are never easy to overcome and can be a big con in military life.

Uncertainty

If you are a planner like me, the uncertainty of military life can drive you crazy. Even if you get orders, they could change. If you get a long-awaited date, it might not be set in stone. You must be flexible and never assume anything is 100% until after it happens.

Career Challenges For Military Spouses

When you must move often, a military spouse’s career can take a hit. Having to start over every few years is exhausting. Luckily, there are many military spouse employment resources out there to help.

It can be easy to list the pros and cons of military life, but at the end of the day, your family needs to do what is best for your spouse and your family. While the cons can feel overwhelming, the pros might just be worth continuing in this military life.

The Pros and Cons of Life as a Military Family

5 Shows You Really Should Watch On Apple TV

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This post does contain affiliate links!

Woman watching TV eating popcorn

Have you been sleeping on Apple TV? Don’t. Plus, it is super easy to get a free trial. I have gotten them through the Target app and offered a free month after buying a movie ticket. But honestly? There are enough fantastic shows on that channel that it is worth the $9.99 a month you would pay to try it out if you can’t find a free trial.

For All Mankind

This show sucked me in and hasn’t let me go yet. Imagine if, during the 1960s, during the space race between us and the Soviet Union, they got to the moon first. How would that have changed things? Well, according to this alternative history TV show, a whole lot. Each season gives us a period of time and then jumps ahead, so we get to see many of the same characters through the decades. There are four seasons, with, hopefully, season five coming out sometime next year. Created by Ronald D. Moore, Matt Wolpert, and Ben Nedivi.

Severance

Severance is a fantastic show. It’s about to start its 2nd season. The premise is about a group of people who have been “severed,” meaning their work self and their nonwork self are basically different people with different memories. Adam Scott is the main character in this one, directed by Ben Stiller.

Bad Sisters

You know those shows where normal people do something they shouldn’t, and it just leads to more and more issues? This is one of those, but it is about five sisters who live in Dublin. There is mystery, humor, and a quick binge. Sharon Horgan created and wrote this show, but also stars as one of the sisters.

Lessons in Chemistry

Based on the book by Bonnie Garmus, Lessons in Chemistry is about a woman, Elizabeth Zott, played by Brie Larson, who dreams of being a scientist in the 1950s. Unfortunately, this is not an easy thing to do as a woman during this time. She eventually takes a job teaching housewives how to cook on TV.

Dark Matter

Dark Matter is a sci-fi dream! Based on the book by Blake Crouch, this is the story of a professor, Jason Dessen, who is abducted into an alternate version of his life. If you love alternate reality stories, this one is for you. It will also keep you on the edge of your seat. Staring Joel Edgerton and Jennifer Connelly.

Other Apple TV Shows Worth Checking Out

I haven’t watched all of these shows, and some of them might not be for you, but they can be worth checking out:

Ted Lasso, Sillo, Shrinking, the Morning Show, Foundation, Lady in the Lake, Sugar, and Pachinko.

What are your favorite Apple TV shows???

7 Simple Self-Care Tips to Pamper Yourself Without Leaving the House

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Awe, self-care. Something we hear about all the time. Self-care is essential, but sometimes it can feel hard to get. You have to make an effort to make time for yourself. You have to put it on your calendar, and you might need to get creative. Add in being a solo parent for months; how do you find time for self-care?

One way to find time for self-care during a deployment or during seasons of your life when you can’t always get out of the house for a bit is to find self-care ideas you can do without leaving the house. You can do things while at home when your kids are sleeping or in some cases, awake.

Here are 7 ideas:

Work on your hobbies

What do you like to do? What brings you joy? Reading? Puzzles? Baking? There are so many hobbies you can do at home. Figure out what makes you happy and get back into your own hobbies.

Grab your journal and a coffee

This can be done early in the morning or after the kid’s bedtime with some tea or drink of choice 😉 Grab your journal and start writing. Share about your day, your thoughts, or anything that comes to mind.

DIY spa day

Have your own DIY spa day. Take a nice bubble bath with Epsom salts, essential oils, or bath bombs. Use a face mask, paint your nails, light candles, and relax. Take some time to chill. Your body will thank you.

Video chat with friends

This one is best for after the kids go to bed. Grab some dinner and some wine. Set up a video chat with your bestie or other friends. Make it a weekly thing. It’s a great way to let loose and connect with others. You can also join weekly online book clubs, Bible studies, or whatever else you may find.

Binge-watch a show

Finding a show to get lost in that you can go to each night after the kids go to bed is a fantastic feeling. This is how I got through so many of those lonely deployment nights. And in today’s world? It’s so easy to find good shows to binge.

Start a garden

This is one your kids could help you with. Start a garden. Plant your favorite flowers and veggies. Playing in the dirt and planting something new can be so therapeutic. I love to watch things grow from a seed to a big old plant.

Order dinner

Sometimes, just ordering yourself a nice dinner and eating it while watching a good movie is a great way to wind down and enjoy some self-care. Celebrating a milestone or even a Friday night can be a great time to do this. Treat yourself when you can. It can make for a lovely night.

Self-care can look different for each person. What you might find relaxing, someone else might not. So, when looking for self-care ideas, try to find things that work for you. The goal of self-care is to recharge, refresh, and get to a better place.

Remember, deployment or not, make time for yourself. It’s worth it.

9 Things in Life That Can Hurt a Military Marriage

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9 Things That Can Hurt a Military Marriage

This August, my husband and I will be celebrating our 23rd anniversary. In some ways, it seems like we just walked down the aisle. But when I look at my wedding photos, I can see that many years have passed since that day. For one thing, we look so young. I was 23; he was 26.

I have learned a lot about marriage in the last 23 years. I have also learned what it means to be in a military marriage, how to stay strong through deployments, and how to be the best wife I can be despite all the challenges thrown at us.

Check out The Blessing of a Military Marriage

The truth is, there are things that can help a military marriage and things that will hurt a military marriage. Whether you just walked down the aisle or did so a while ago, here are nine things that can hurt a military marriage that you should be aware of.

1. Not communicating

Married couples should be talking to one another, but sometimes that is hard to do. Everyday life can get in the way; deployments can get in the way, and the stress of everything can get in the way. Try to keep the lines of communication open.

If you can’t talk in person, write letters, email or plan to speak on the phone. Check-in with one another and try to make plans to hang out, even if you feel like two ships passing in the night.

2. Cheating

Cheating can tear your marriage apart. Whether it is physical or not, make sure you can protect your marriage. Make smart choices, especially when your spouse is away. Be the type of spouse that they can trust and not have to worry about when you are away from one another.

Set boundaries with other people. This will, of course, depend on your marriage, but make sure you are on the same page. Some couples are okay with more social time with the opposite sex; others are not. Make sure you talk about expectations and what is normal for your marriage.

 Check out 10 Ways To Save Money When You Need To Be On A Tight Budget

3. Money

So many couples fight about money. When two people raised differently come together and create their families, there will be tensions about money. If one of you was raised with a spending mindset and the other with a saving mentality, there will be friction regarding your budgets.

Make sure to spend time talking about your expectations, how much you should be spending, how much you should be saving, and figure out what your long-term goals are. Don’t hide money from each other, and be honest about your spending.

Saving Money in the Military


4. Children

Having children will add stress to your marriage. They will take up much of your time, and their needs will come first. Try to keep the perspective and still make time for your spouse.

Have date nights, even if that means making a nice dinner after the kids go to bed and curling up on your couch to watch a Netflix movie. Talk about your parenting strategies. There are many different ways to be a parent, and arguments can arise when you are not on the same page about raising your children.

Deployments can complicate this as one parent can leave when a child is just a few months old and come home to a toddler. The parent who was at home has a system and a plan, and the deployed parent has to figure out how to be involved again.

 Check out 10 Ways to Help Your Kids During a Deployment

5. Being cruel

Don’t be cruel to your spouse. That is not going to take you down the right path. Be loving and patient with them. Don’t seek ways to hurt them, and apologize when you do.

Do you know how they say never to go to bed angry? That is pretty much true. Try your best to work things out in a kind manner, and don’t be cruel and mean to each other. Not only is this destructive to your marriage, but kids can pick up on it too.

6. Acting immature

Being married means you need to stop acting childish. Even if you married young. You are an adult now, and you need to act like it.

Don’t try to live off of other people, work hard, and make the best of what you have. You will not be able to afford a brand new home right away, that might take years to get to a place where you can afford that. Be patient and know that over time, things will change, and you won’t always have to use a footlocker for your coffee table.

7. Taking bad advice

There is good advice and bad advice. Look to the people you trust and learn from them. Remember that no one is in your marriage, and no one can tell you precisely what to do. You can gain advice from others who have been there before and have wise words to say about whatever problem you are going through.

Be extra careful about family giving you advice. It could be very biased. If they never wanted you to get married in the first place, their advice might not help you in your current struggles. Find good friends that you trust to talk about your problems with.

8. Keeping things from your spouse

Don’t keep secrets from your spouse. Tell them what is going on and what they need to know. Of course, as military spouses, there will be times when we can’t talk to our spouses regularly. Because of this, it can feel like we are keeping secrets.

If something is noteworthy, write it down and tell them later. When it comes to sharing things with them when they are overseas, think about their personality and ask them what they would want you to do. Some people want to hear everything, and others can’t handle it.

grass is always greener


9. Assuming the grass will always be greener

If you have been married for a while, there will be things that start to annoy you about your spouse. Of course, this will happen; you are living together and raising a family together, and you will get on each other’s nerves sometimes. The truth is, everyone will annoy you at some point. Don’t assume the grass is greener somewhere else. Water your grass and keep your vows in mind.

How long have you been married?

9 Things in Life That Can Hurt a Military Marriage

7 Valuable Things I Learned Raising a Child On the Autism Spectrum

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Little boy in pirates outfit

My son was diagnosed with Autism when he was five years old. At the time, they called it Asperger’s, but they have since stopped giving that label. If he had been diagnosed today, it would be as autism spectrum disorder (ASD) level 1. Getting the diagnosis is a blessing. We were then able to learn how to help him.

Fast forward, and my son has just turned 18. He is officially an adult, finishing his senior year of high school. Looking back on his childhood, I can think of all I have learned from raising him. Having a child on the spectrum is so different from raising any other child. And my child on the spectrum is different from any other child with autism. What works for some won’t work for everyone, and as a parent, you are always trying to figure out the best way ahead.

Raising a Child On the Autism Spectrum

Creativity in parenting is a must!

There have been so many times when I struggled to figure out what to do next with parenting my son on the spectrum, but then a creative idea would come to me. And a lot of times, it would work.

Parenting a child with autism is a lot of pivoting from the norm and figuring out what works. When my son was younger, he would do almost anything for a Skylander. I have many memories of us in Toys R Us and him picking out a new one he had earned. It made him so happy, and they made great rewards for him.

Routines Routines Routines

Finding a good routine was also a must. But knowing that sometimes we would have to move away from it and planning ahead for that was also helpful. When my son knew what to expect, it made things so much easier. Even today, he always wants to know what the plan is.

Things Change

When my son was in elementary school, I worried he would always struggle with what he was working on. He had a lot of trouble in school, which was wearing me down. But what helped was hearing from parents of older kids on the spectrum and how they were doing as teenagers and young adults.

Kids on the autism spectrum learn how to handle specific challenges over time. Things are still hard for my son, but he is mature enough now to know he isn’t going to be having daily fits about them anymore. One of the most complex parts for my son is not having a say in his daily life or schedule. But at this age, he has much more control over his days.

Kids Will Shock You In a Good Way

We went to Disneyland in October of 2022, and my son, 15, wanted to take off by himself. I was pretty sure he was capable, but I worried about him. I told him to check in with me every hour. And you know what? He did amazing. I was so proud of him. Kids with autism will shock you and make you proud every day.

Pushing Them vs Helping Them

Over the years, one of the trickiest things for me is balancing pushing him out of his comfort zone or giving him the extra help he needs. It isn’t always so obvious what to do. And I know I have made some mistakes when it comes to this. But finding that balance is essential. It is good to push them so they can grow, but you also want to be aware that sometimes, that extra help is precisely what they need to get through something.

Tuning Out The Noise

Whenever autism comes up, whether online, in person, or even in the news and media, there are always different points of view. What you should use for therapy, what labels should be used, and what you should do for your child.

I have gotten a lot of advice over the years. Some of it was pretty good. Some of it was not. You have to be strong and stick to your guns sometimes. Not everyone is going to understand your path.

My Child is On Their Own Path

When my son’s senior year began, we started getting emails and mailers from colleges around the country. Colleges that he would never be interested in. Colleges that share all about campus life and all they offer. Colleges that maybe I would have wanted to attend at that age.

But my kid is on his own path, which looks different from the traditional path, and that’s okay. However, sometimes I have to fight feelings of jealousy over it. But I must remind myself that this transition to adulthood, his college experience, and everything after will look slightly different than the norm, which is okay.

Getting an autism diagnosis for your child can be challenging to take in. What will their life look like? 5 years? 10 years down the road? But it’s one of those things where you have to try your best, research, advocate, and, ultimately, know that you are doing what you can for your child.

You love them, you will help them, and you will meet goals, even if they take longer than you thought they would. There is something so unique and beautiful about raising a special needs child. I have learned so much over the years, and I hope he always knows how much we love and support him, even into the adult years.

7 Valuable Things I Learned Raising a Child On the Autism Spectrum

Is It Time To Break Up With Your Military Boyfriend?

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My dating years were a long time ago. Think of the 90s before dating apps and smartphones. I always knew I wanted to be married someday, and I met my husband when I was 22 after a couple of boyfriends who were not the right match for one reason or another.

I had never dated someone in the military but was involved in several long-distance relationships. I hated them. I didn’t want to be a part from my boyfriend. I hated feeling like half of my life was where I lived and the other half was too many miles away. And we didn’t even have the military getting in our way.

Over the years, I have met many military girlfriends. Some become spouses, and some do not. I am not sure what the key ingredient is, but I also think there are some warning signs that girlfriends need to reflect on before they get more serious with their military service members.

Whether they are dating them during a deployment or not, their boyfriend will be under a lot of stress while serving in the military. Being a military girlfriend will be challenging for even the most committed of people.

There could be reasons why you need to walk away or maybe stay, depending on your circumstances. If you have ever asked yourself, “Should I break up with my military boyfriend?” this post should help you flesh out one way or another.

Something seems fishy

If you have never met in person before, you are running the risk of being scammed. Sadly, not everyone who claims to be in the military truly is. There are scams to get unsuspecting women to send money to their military boyfriend. However, he isn’t even in the military, and his reasons for needing the money don’t make any sense.

Some examples are telling their girlfriend that the military is not giving them food or will not let them come home from Iraq or Afghanistan without buying their own plane ticket. If you are dating someone online and things seem a bit fishy, you could get scammed. Ensure that the person you are with is who they say they are.

They cheat on you

There has to be trust in a military relationship. Without trust, everything falls apart. You will have to spend time apart. You might have to go weeks or even longer without regular communication.

You have to trust that he or she will be faithful to you. They have to trust that you are going to be faithful to them. If that trust gets broken, it can be hard to repair. While there are some cases when couples can move beyond cheating, in most situations, walking away is your best option.

Your gut is telling you to

I think deep down, we always know if we should be with someone or not, even if we can’t admit that out loud. I have been the girl who sat down with a pros and cons list about my current relationship. But looking back, it was evident that was not a good relationship.

I knew that, but I wanted everything to work out. Had I listened to my gut earlier, I would have saved myself some pain. Listen to your gut, do some soul searching, and you should be able to figure out if you should be with the person you are with. When I met my husband, my gut told me that, yes, he was a good guy and worth being with, and I listened.

They are abusive

This seems obvious, but sometimes it isn’t. Emotional abuse can be easy to hide. Threatening, bullying, being too controlling, criticizing you, and trying to manipulate you are all red flags. Things are not going to get better the longer you are together.

Marriage won’t fix things but will make them worse. If you feel like you are being abused, seek help. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is a good place to start. No one deserves to be treated like this. Even if you don’t think they are being abusive, anyone who treats you like crap isn’t worth your time.

You don’t want the military lifestyle

Being a military girlfriend gives you a preview of what you will experience if you stay with your boyfriend long-term. For some, the military is going to be a 20-year career. Can you stand by them during that time? Can you see yourself as a military spouse?

If you don’t want this lifestyle, if you think it would be too difficult, it’s okay to say so and walk away. This life is a hard one. Deployments, solo parenting, and so many stressful days. That being said, even some seasoned military spouses have felt like we couldn’t get through this life, but we just keep going, one day at a time if need be.

Why you shouldn’t break up with your military boyfriend

Yes, some couples do break up. During basic training, during a deployment, or just during regular military life. However, some couples make it.

They get through the difficult parts and become a stronger couple through everything they have to go through. Some couples make the relationship work and go on to have a life together. So why shouldn’t you break up with your military boyfriend?

Because he treats you well and he is truly what you want. 

This might seem simple, but at the end of the day, if you are with someone who will treat you the way you should be treated and he is truly what you want in a boyfriend or a spouse, you can get through almost anything.

We can never know the future or what we might go through together. Life can throw you so many curveballs. Be committed and know that you can handle this military life if you want to be with him.

What advice would you give to someone dating someone in the military?

9 Uplifting Bible Verses to Support You on Difficult Deployment Days

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Deployment days are not all the same. Some will have you wanting to pull your hair out, while others will be a little calmer. When we were going through our military deployments, one of the things that helped me get through was thinking about different mantras and bible verses to remind me that I could get through the days ahead.

We often doubt ourselves when going through a deployment, especially during more difficult deployment days. Here are nine encouraging Bible verses to keep around for your next deployment. I will start with my personal favorite, Joshua 1:9, which got me through more than one difficult deployment day:

Uplifting Bible Verses to Support You

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:10

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:6-7

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” – Matthew 11:28-30

“I lift up my eyes to the mountains—where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.” – Psalm 121:1-2

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” – Psalm 46:1

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” – Deuteronomy 31:6

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” – Psalm 73:26

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” – John 14:27

Although a Bible verse or inspiring quote might not make you love a deployment, what would honestly? They can help you overcome a difficult time or remind you of the bigger picture.

Do you have a special verse or quote that inspires you?

The Lessons You Learn When You Are a Solo Parent

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My son was not even a year old, and my husband and I started talking about him returning to the Army. I remember telling him that I couldn’t possibly parent my son while he was away from us for months and months. I couldn’t possibly do it alone. I needed him!

A few months later, my 13-month-old son and I dropped him off as he headed to Germany as an active-duty soldier. At the time, I had no idea what the next few months or years would bring. I had no idea how much solo parenting I would have to do.

By the time we got to our 4th deployment, I think my husband had been gone more than he had been home. I went through so many months of solo parenting during those early parenting years.

He is home a lot more often these days, and I am so thankful for that. But I will never forget the years he wasn’t. I will never forget all those days as a solo parent that went on for months and months, causing me to have to completely rethink the way I parented and the way I lived my life.

I learned a lot during my periods of solo parenting. I am still learning even now. Taking one parent out of the house changes the dynamic, and you must figure out how to adjust.

Here are some of the lessons I have learned as a solo parent:

You can only do what you can do

You will learn this lesson rather quickly. There is only one of you. You might also be on a limited budget.

You can only do what you can do. You can only be in one place at one time. You will have to make some choices, ones you might not have had to make if you were not a solo parent.

You can do more than you think you can

This is huge! There have been many times when I would cringe and think that I couldn’t get through a deployment or other situation. I felt so overwhelmed. But in the end, I was able to make it through.

Remember, I used to think I couldn’t possibly be a solo parent with one child, and yet in the end, I did, and now I do it with three. We, military spouses, are capable of more than we think.

Some things are actually easier

My husband was gone for many of the newborn years with my 2nd and 3rd babies. And those early months were actually easier in some ways than when he was home with my oldest son. That isn’t to say I would wish him away or be glad he missed those months, not at all.

But the little things, like nursing in the middle of the night, became a lot easier. I didn’t have to worry about waking him up. I didn’t have to worry about being too loud. I could attend to the baby, which was my sole focus.

I am a better parent when my husband is home

As much as I try to look for the good during my time as a solo parent, I am a better parent when my husband is by my side. We are different people and handle situations differently, but I think we complement one another.

If I am getting too stressed out, he can take over. If he needs a break, I can step in. And sadly, when I am solo parenting, I don’t have that. And I miss it.

The small stuff doesn’t matter

As a solo parent, you will stop worrying so much about all the little stuff. There is so much we must think about as moms, and letting some of that go is necessary when your spouse is away. You don’t have the space to worry about it.

Of course, what is “small” might differ for each person. I am okay with a pizza night, but others might not be. I want everyone to sleep in their own beds, but others are all about a family sleepover.

I have also learned that I can’t compare myself to other moms. I just can’t. For one thing, I would compare knowing 100% about myself to the smaller % that others show the world. That isn’t a good way to live your life.

You have to figure out what works for you and your family and what your kids really need. You need to do what is best for your own family and not worry about anyone else. And doing so will bring you a lot of peace.

Self-care is so important

Self-care is always important. But as a solo parent, self-care is a must. And do not feel guilty for taking time for yourself.

If you have small children, see if your base or post offers free childcare options. They might have a Super Saturday or night out you can use. Take advantage of these times, even if all you will do is grab a book and sit at a coffee shop for a bit.

Find things you like to do and make plans to do them. Yes, you want your kids to be okay and live their best lives, but you can also stop and make time for yourself, even if you must be creative to find that time.

Whenever you go through something challenging, there will be lessons to learn along the way. If you are in a season of solo parenting, remember you can get through this and learn from it all as you make your way to the finish line.

What is your best solo parenting tip???