Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Julie

7 Things You Don’t Have To Do Even If Other Military Spouses Are Doing Them

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Does it feel like every other military spouse you know is doing something that you have no desire to do? Do you ever feel lost in a sea of other spouses? Sometimes we can get stuck thinking something is wrong with us if we are not military spousing like other people are. But the truth is, we should military spouse the way that works best for us, not everyone else. You be you.

7 Things You Don't Have To Do Even If Other Military Spouses Are Doing Them

Here are seven things you don’t have to do even if other military spouses are doing them:

1. Shop at the Commissary and PX/BX on a regular basis

When we lived in Germany, shopping at the Commissary and PX was a must if we wanted anything American. In the states, things are a little different. Unless your duty station is in the middle of nowhere, there are a lot of other stores in your city to get the same type of things you can find at the Commissary and PX/BX. You don’t have to shop at these places if other stores work better for you.

7 Things You Don't Have To Do Even If Other Military Spouses Are Doing Them

2. Drink wine

While it might seem like every other military spouse out there is drinking wine on a regular basis, I assure you they are not. Some spouses don’t drink at all. Some only do when they go out with their friends. “Drinking wine” has turned into a phrase that simply means, “letting loose and trying to relax.”

3. Live on post/base

We have lived on post, in government leased housing, and off post/base in our own home. If my husband was active duty, I think I would want to try living on post again. There are so many pros and cons to each decision based on where you are and what you want for your family. If on post/base doesn’t work for you, living off can be the right choice.

4. Be a SAHM

One of the stereotypes about military spouses is that they don’t work. But in real life, the military spouse world is made up of SAHMs, WAHMs, moms who work outside the home, and moms who also serve. While there are a lot of SAHMs in the military world, there are plenty of spouses who are working in a career or going to school to do so. And if you do want to be a SAHM, that is good too. There are so many reasons, and even seasons when being a SAHM is what makes sense for your family.

7 Things You Don't Have To Do Even If Other Military Spouses Are Doing Them

5. Send a lot of care packages

Care packages are a lot of fun and can be an excellent way to connect with your spouse overseas, but if they are not something that works for you and your spouse, don’t feel like you have to do them. For my husband, I usually would send him a care package when he would ask for something specific verses on a regular basis. If you are the type, who loves to send care packages, have fun and enjoy making them.

6. Hate the military

Sometimes I hate the military. Sometimes I love the military. It just depends on the day. If you don’t hate the military, that is okay. Not everyone does. And whether you hate the military or not might just depend on the year.

7. Hate your duty station

There are some duty stations that are more popular than others. Sometimes hating these not so popular places is the thing to do. You find out you are going there and everyone tells you how awful that place is. However, some people love unpopular duty stations. Maybe they just bloom where they are stationed; maybe the place just fits their personality. Whatever the reason, if you like your duty station, that is fine. Don’t let negative talk about the place get to you.

What would you add to this list?

What to Remember if Your Spouse Has To Deploy To A Dangerous Place

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What to Remember if Your Spouse Has To Deploy To A Dangerous Place

There have been times when my own husband has had to deploy to a dangerous place. When I heard where he had to go, my heart skipped a beat. How could I handle this? How could I get through? What if he didn’t make it back to us?

For thousands of years, military spouses have had to stand strong as their loved ones went off to war. To wars, they might not even understand. To wars that didn’t always make the most sense. To wars that seem so scary and unpredictable.

How do you deal with a spouse that has to deploy to an active war zone? How do you handle the fact that they are not going to a “safe” place but a more dangerous one? How do you make peace with your spouse going to war?

Here are five things to remember if your spouse has to deploy to a dangerous place:

This is what they are trained for

When you watch as your service member is packing up their bags, remember, this is exactly what they are trained for. That month they spent away from you this summer? This is what they were working on. As a soldier’s wife, I had to accept this, and doing so isn’t easy but once you do, life will become a little bit easier.

War is messy. War is difficult. We have no idea what to expect. We have no clue what is ahead. But we do know that our spouses are in an amazing military and when they have to go, they have to go. And in the end, we know, they are making our world a better place. They are not going into these situations uninformed, they are doing so trained and ready.

You are not alone

You are not the only military spouse having to send their loved one to a dangerous place. You are not. There are so many others in your shoes too. And many who have done this over and over.

You are not the only girlfriend who is crying in their pillow because they know the person they want to spend their life with has to spend six months overseas before that wedding day comes. You are not the only wife who will be scared that their husband might not make it home in time to see their daughter being born. You are not the only one scared of what could happen during the deployment.

There are so many others out there that have a spouse with a dangerous job. They understand how you feel. They know how hard saying goodbye can be. They have been there, and they are willing to help you as you work through your own feelings about your current situation.

Us military spouses are a community. We can support one another, help each other out, and be there when things get scary. We need to depend on one another because fellow military spouses are the ones who know what sending a spouse off to a dangerous place is like.

You can handle this

You can get through this. I don’t care where your spouse has to go, or how long they will be gone. You can get through this. I know it seems challenging and like your world is crashing in. I know when you see how many days they will be gone the deployment seems like forever, but you can handle this. Even if you have to do so one day at a time.

Look through my deployment blog posts, join my Facebook group, do a search for deployment posts on Facebook, and make plans with other military spouse friends. You got this!

This deployment won’t last forever

At the end of the day, when you do say goodbye, whether you had two months to plan or two days, know that the deployment will not last forever. Deployments are temporary. I know when my Grandpa left for WWII, he didn’t know how long he would be away. In the end, he was gone for three years.

These days are easier than that. These days you will get an end date. Even if that date changes, which it probably will, the deployment will eventually end. Remember that during your more difficult days. Remember, this too shall pass.

When your spouse has to deploy, you figure out your new normal. You figure out ways to get through, no matter how long they will be away. The deployment becomes your new normal, but they do eventually end.

The numbers are on your side

No matter where your spouse has to go, in today’s world, most service members come home. They do. While not everyone does, and that breaks our hearts, the odds are your spouse will return to you.

This is something I took a lot of comfort in. I told myself that most likely, my husband would be home with us again soon. That he would make it back. Wars didn’t always use to be this way, for some of them, the odds of coming home were pretty slim, but these days things are a bit different.

As a military spouse, you know that going to war is a part of the deal. That doesn’t mean saying goodbye will be easy or you won’t worry too much. That doesn’t mean that you won’t encounter unexpected challenges or worry you won’t be able to get through them.

As a military spouse, you wake up every morning and work to figure out how you will get through the difficulties that a deployment or future deployment will bring. You will find a way that works for you. You will figure out how to handle knowing where your spouse has to go. While you might never be able to be 100% okay with what they have to do, you will figure out how to support them and make it through your deployment.

How you do deal with your spouse having to go to a dangerous place? 

Join my email list and receive a free Guide for your first 30 days of deployment! 

The 5 Best Things That Can Happen To A Military Spouse

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The 5 Best Things That Can Happen To A Military Spouse

“You take the good you take the bad you take them both and there you have…Military life?” Totally! You see as hard as military life can be sometimes, as stressful as this life can be, there are good things that can happen. Great and wonderful things worth talking about. Here is my list of the 5 best things that can happen to a military spouse.

Getting Stationed Where You Want

There is nothing better than getting the notice that you get to PCS where you want to go. Whether that is a beloved overseas location or just being able to live an hour from home. You feel like you won the jackpot. So many times in your spouse’s career you won’t get what you want but when you do it is a good feeling.

So if you do get those orders, throw a party and start researching your new home. Don’t feel guilty and enjoy this. You never know where else the military will send you and this might be the one time you get to be excited about it.

Deployment Gets Cancelled

This hasn’t ever happened to us. It might be a unicorn but deployments will get moved around and sometimes they might even get cancelled. Or your find out your spouse doesn’t have to go. If you are in pre-deployment mode and are trying to come to terms with having to say goodbye, a cancelled deployment will make your day.

You will want to shout from the rooftops and celebrate the fact that things can be magical, even in military life. And if you are one of those spouses that has been waiting for years for your husband to deploy, consider yourselves lucky.

Amazing Housing

For the first two years we were in Germany we were in a two bedroom stairwell apartment. It was a nice little home but we outgrew the space quickly. We moved to another post in Germany and were given a four bedroom duplex. I remember when we first got there and I walked through the house, I cried.

The house was lovely and so spacious compared to what we had before. We had our own laundry room and two yards. It was amazing. If you have ever been in not so great military housing you know how awesome it can be when you love your new housing. Loving your home you really didn’t have much of a say in is a great feeling.

Making Best Friends

When you go through a deployment with someone or spend a lot of time with them trying to navigate the waters of military life, you become close. Closer than you would otherwise. You will make some of your best friends during your time as a military spouse.

They might move away, you might move away, but you will always have your memories of the time you spent together. You will always have a friend to visit or to call when you are having a bad day. Whenever I ask myself if it was a good idea for my husband to join the military, I think about the people I have met during this life and know I would not be the same without them.

Finding Purpose in The Military Spouse Community

Whether you are a big part of the FRG, whether you found a great career on post or whether you are the neighborhood planner, finding purpose in the military community is a great feeling. Knowing that you are able to give back and help people is such a good thing.

How you find that purpose will look a little different for everyone but that doesn’t mean you can’t find it. You might feel lost when you first move to a new duty station but as time goes on you will figure it out. And once you have figured it out, it is one of the best feelings in the world.

What amazing things have happened to you during your time as a military spouse?

You Know You’re a Modern Military Spouse When….

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Military spouses have been around for a very long time. While to a certain extent “if the military wanted you to have a wife, they would have issued you one” is true, we have come a long way in what we have available to us as military spouses.

My grandma said goodbye to my grandpa for three whole years. The only way they could communicate was through letters. Think about that! They had to number them, so they knew what order they were written in. I love a good handwritten letter, but I can’t imagine that being the only way I could talk with my spouse, for years at a time.

So us military spouses today, I suppose you could call us modern. The millennial military spouse might work except some of us are a little too old for that title 😉 There is something different about this time period, and being a military spouse will look different in the future I am sure.

You Know You Are A Modern Military Spouse When...

So here how you know you are a modern military spouse…

~ You gave birth with your husband by your side, on your iPad, over video chat.

~ You make easy dinners with your Instant Pot or Air Fryer.

~ You met your husband online, while he was at his first duty station.

~ Your wife serves, and you stay home with the kids.

~ You don’t have to take all four of your children shopping by yourself as you are a big fan of having your groceries delivered.

~ You take your kids to the park so that you can get yourself a Starbucks, which is right next door.

~ You can take a call from your husband overseas from wherever you happen to be at the moment, no waiting at home until they call.

~ Netflix binge-watching is your favorite sport.

~ You take 1,000 photos whenever you do something fun, and your parents in California see them minutes later.

~ It’s been two days since you talked to your spouse and can’t believe it has been that long!

~ You learned about your future duty station, from a group of strangers you never met in a Facebook group.

~ You earned your BA in English while your spouse was in South Korea, all from the comfort of your home.

You Know You Are A Modern Military Spouse When...

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~ You love or even hate your FRG, but you do in fact have one.

~ You serve too, as you and your spouse met during basic training and now you are a dual military couple.

~ You have been guilty of oversharing on social media, but at least you are aware of the rules for OPSEC.

~ Amazon Prime is your favorite Transformer.

~ You depend on the friendships of others you have never met because they get exactly what a deployment is all about.

~ You have never met your boss in person. You live in Ohio, and they are in New York.

~ You can honestly say apps make the deployment a little easier.

~ You are in charge of the bills, which makes sense, since sometimes your spouse is deployed.

~ You didn’t have to pay for your breast pump, TRICARE gave you one after you had your baby.

~ You are a SAHM, a WAHM or you work outside the home. You do whatever works for you and your family because you can.

~ You wake up every morning, supporting your service member. Through the deployments, the PCS moves, and anything military life throws at you.

What makes you a modern military spouse???

 

21 Budgeting Tips for Military Families For a Better Financial Life

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21 Budgeting Tips for Military Families For a Better Financial Life

Money money money! Money can be quite a hot topic. When it comes to our finances, we want our money to work for us but sometimes that is a difficult thing to do. As a military family, you may be feeling pressure from a PCS that cost you a little too much, or the loss of a job or other source of income you were depending on.

Although there is a 5.2% pay raise coming in 2024 for members of the military, having and sticking to a budget is super important. It is the best way to know where your money is going, and how much you actually have to spend.

Here are 21 budgeting tips for military families for a better financial life:

1. The #1 budgeting tip would be to of course have a budget. You need to know exactly how much money you and your spouse are bringing in and exactly what you will be spending your money on, including how much you will put in savings. This will give you a clear picture of your finances.

2. Keep a detailed record of all of your spending. Those little trips to Target can add up. Keeping track of what you are spending your money on is a must.

3. Set some financial goals. Talk with your spouse about what you want to do in the future. Do you want to save for a house? A new car? Pay off debt? Talk about what your focus will be.

4. Compare the cost of housing. While you might want to live off post, would living on post save you more money in the future? Is that savings worth it? Would living on your military instillation allow you to save for your house that much sooner?

5. Remember your budget when shopping for groceries. The food budget can get quickly out of hand without proper planning. What are your options for grocery shopping? Can the Commissary save you money? What about clipping coupons?

6. Watch the eating out. While eating out can be a lot of fun, it’s also really expensive. Even fast food can cost a family $50 a trip. Yikes!

7. Use military discounts. Yes, you can save between 10-30% at places that offer military discounts. Check out my Big List of Military Discounts for ideas.

8. Shop thrift stores and consignment shops. You can find all sorts of things from clothing to books to toys at thrift stores and consignment shops. You can also take your old items to consignment shops to make a little extra money. Check and see what is available in your own city and plan a shopping trip.

9. Look for low-cost and free things to do at your duty station. Most duty stations have events going on throughout the year. They can be a lot of fun and you can find some free things to do with your kids.

10. Is your spouse deployed? Are they bringing home extra money? Make sure you make a plan of what you will do with it. Ideally, you can save and pay off debt. However, you may need to budget for extra expenses such as having a baby or getting ready for a PCS. Talk things over so you are on the same page.

11. Coupon. Use coupons at the grocery store, when you go out to eat, and at different stores you need to go to. Most people get coupons in the mail. See which ones work for you and your family and trade with friends.

12. Learn new skills. When it comes to keeping up your home, see what you can do yourself. Use Youtube to get ideas on affordable projects.

13. Review your subscription services. Did you sign up for one when it was only $5.99 a month and now it’s double that? Are you paying $15 a month for a streaming service your family doesn’t really watch anymore? Do an audit of your all your subscriptions to see if you can cut any and to make sure you are only paying for the ones you really want.

14. Save a bit from each paycheck for birthdays, Christmas, and other holidays you may need extra money for. When the time comes you will have money to spend and won’t have to stress as much.

15. Check into side gigs. Can you Door Dash? Drive for Uber? Mow lawns? There are lots of little side jobs you can add if you are able to in order to make some extra money.

16. Look into Financial Readiness classes at your duty station. For example, the Army’s Financial Readiness Program (FRP) is available at every Army post. It provides classes and counseling on saving money, investing, getting out of debt, and more.

17. Look into The Servicemembers Civil Relief Act. Because of the act you may reduce some of your debt’s interest rates to 6%, postpone a foreclosure, defer your taxes, get protection against eviction, and more.

18. Work to get out of debt. Pay more than the minimum and avoid using credit cards when you can.

19. Use banking tools for extra savings. If you bank with USAA, they have a fun savings tool where they take a random amount from your checking account between $1-$9 a few times a week and put it in your savings account. This adds up and before you know it you will have $100 saved. They also send your text messages with updates, and little fun facts and jokes.

20. Use your library. Libraries have so much to offer the community. From books, to movies, to free events. Don’t sleep on what your local library has to offer.

21. Have an emergency savings fund. $1,000 is a good amount to shoot for. You want to have something you can use in case a car breaks down, something needs to be fixed in your house, or any other extra expense comes up.

As military families, we are used to the unknown. But, we should know where our money is going and how we are spending it. That way we can work to achieve our goals and live the life we want to live.

What are your favorite budgeting tips?

Stop Saying That We Knew What We Were Getting Into

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Stop Saying That We Knew What We Were Getting Into

“You knew what you were getting into”

If you have been a military spouse for any length of time, you have heard someone say this. This phrase comes from civilians, military spouses, and military service members. I don’t like it.

My response to this is, no, we didn’t know what we were getting into. 

You see, us military spouses, we know there will be time apart, we don’t know how lonely that can be.

How quiet the house can get when you are the only one in it. How you will crave the little daily chats, you used to have with your spouse, and how sad you can get when you think about those moments.

We know we will have to move often, but we don’t know how hard it will be to leave someone that is like a sister to us.

The person we spent last Christmas with. The neighbor who helped us when our son was in the hospital. The friend that we could talk to about anything. The person that became closer to us than anyone else ever had.

We know there will be deployments, but we don’t know how they might break us.

How we might get so overwhelmed with them that we can’t imagine going through another one, even though we know that with our spouse’s job, that will be our reality.

We know there might be children, but we can’t know what their struggles might be or what having one parent gone all the time will be like.

We can’t predict what raising a child on the autism spectrum will be like when your other half is gone for a year at a time. We can’t know how drained we will feel as a SAHM, even though that is what we always wanted to do.

We know that we might have to sacrifice our careers for theirs, but we don’t know how hard that can be or how long we have to wait on our own career goals.

We can’t know if we will be in a state where we can work using our degree or if we will have to settle for something else because that is all there is. And then have to deal with the emotional toll of all of that.

We know this life will be a hard one but what that looks like, how we will be able to get through the difficult days, and what the years our spouse will serve will look like is a surprise. 

Life is filled with surprises. This is true for everyone, military or not. What you thought your life might be like will look different than what happens.

No one knows what they are getting into. No one can predict that. No one can be 100% ready for what this military life brings.

Even if we did know what we signed up for, that doesn’t mean we can’t vent a little on our more challenging days, cry into our pillows when we just can’t take anymore, or simply ask for help because everything is just too overwhelming at times.

Before you say, “You knew what you were getting into,” think about your own life and all the ways things turned out differently than you thought they would.

Be compassionate to the military spouse that is having a more difficult time. Understand that everyone handles deployments differently. Know that some of us ask for help because we are trying to better our situations, not because we want to fail.

Military spouses are strong but only because we have had to become that way. Through trials, challenges, and the surprises that military life brings.

What has been your biggest military life challenge?

Don’t forget to check out The Newbie’s Guide to Military Life: Surviving a PCS and More by Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life and Mrs Navy Mama. Your guide for learning about military life.

Beyond Old Navy! 6 Stores That Offer a Military Discount On Clothing

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Beyond Old Navy! 6 Stores That Offer a Military Discount On Clothing

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I have been shopping at Old Navy since I was in high school. My whole family can find something there, which is super handy. They also have a military discount! If you also have a growing family, being able to save money on clothes is a must, especially if your kids are at the age where they are growing all the time. My 12 year old is going through this so I am always looking for a good deal on his clothes!

Old Navy, and its sister stores the Gap and Banana Republic aren’t the only clothing stores with a military discount. Here are a few more to check out the next time you are at the mall:

Columbia

Columbia Sportswear began by selling hats, yes hats! They were called the Columbia Hat Company after the Columbia River and were founded in the 1930s. They became the Columbia Sportswear Company in 1960, which is what they are called today, offering sportswear including jackets, shirts, sweaters, and more. You can save 20% with the Columbia military discount.

J. Crew

J.Crew was started back in the 1940s as Popular Merchandise. They kept that name until 1983 when they became J.Crew. You can find clothing for women, men, and for children at J.Crew and you can save 15% with the J.Crew military discount.

Hanes

Hanes was founded back in 1900 as Shamrock Knitting Mills, (I love learning these old names for companies), and the Hanes Corporation began in 1965. Hanes is a great place to find pjs, sweatshirts, and underwear for you, or your while family. You can save 10% with the Hanes military discount.

Buckle

Buckle started as just a men’s clothing store a few years after World War II ended as Mills Clothing. The company introduced woman’s clothing towards the end of the 1970s. The store became The Buckle, Inc, which is what it is called today, back in 1991. At Buckle you can find jeans, tops, shoes, dresses, shorts, and more for men, women, and children. You can save 10% with the Buckle military discount.

Under Armour

Under Armour is a bit newer having been founded in the mid 90s and was started in the owner’s grandmother’s basement. He got his start when he wanted to make a t-shirt that stayed dry like his shorts did using moisture-wicking synthetic fabric. The cool thing about Under Armour is that sometimes they offer a 40% military discount. At the moment, the Under Armour military discount is 20% but keep an eye on it because it might go up when you are ready to shop.

Lululemon

Lululemon was founded in 1998 with its first store opening a couple of years later. The owner, Chris Wilson, has been credited with creating modern yoga pants. At Lululemon you can find yoga pants, tops, shorts, sweaters, and more. The Lululemon military discount will save you 15%.

Looking for other military discounts? Check out A Big Long List of Military Discounts for Military Spouses for more military discounts for all types of retailers, including amusement parks.

3 Cozy Video Games to Play When You Really Need to Relax

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3 Cozy Video Games to Play When You Really Need to Relax

Somedays are just a lot. I have too much on my mind, and quite frankly, I need a break. I need to relax and do something calm and chill, and that will allow me to veg out a bit. And something I can easily do from home. For me, sometimes that is playing a cozy video game. Here are three of them I love to play when I want some downtime.

This post does contain affiliate links!

Stardew Valley

Stardew Valley looks like something from the 1980s. You aren’t going to find super modern graphics with this one, but it is also one of the best games to play to help with my anxiety as well. I play on my Nintendo Switch, and I love curling up with the game, ready to work on the farm.

The storyline is that your grandpa has passed away and has left you his farm. You move in from the city and start your new life. You can have animals, which make items you can sell such as cheese, milk, and eggs. You can also garden, and sell or can your items from your crops. You can also go to the mines to well, use your pix axe to mine, or fight monsters, which honestly can be a little scary sometimes.

You start in the spring, and play 28 days in each season, with winter bringing you a snow-filled farm. You can interact with the townspeople, make friends, and even marry and have children. There is so much gameplay to be had and it is all so satisfying. You can also play with others, although I haven’t yet explored playing that way.

The best part is, the game is only $15.00!

Sims 4

I have been a fan of the Sims since it first came out in 2000. Sims 4 is the latest version and so much fun. From playing different challenges to watching your Sim family grow, it’s perfect for cozy gameplay. Sims 4 is basically a virtual doll house where you can create, or download families, starting at the infant stage. Your sims will grow to a baby, toddler, child, teenager, young adult, adult, elder, and then pass away and turn into a ghost.

You can play a single sim living it up in the big city or a mom of six trying to make it on a farm complete with a cow, chickens, and even some wild rabbits. Your sims can stay at home and garden or work their way up an astronaut or doctor career path. There are so many choices.

The Sims 4 Base Game is now free to play, but you can add to your game with packs based on all sorts of themes. My favorites are Growing Together, Cottage Living, Seasons, and Parenthood. You can see the vast collection of packs here. I like to play the Sims 4 on my MacBook Air but you can also play on a PC, Playstation, or Xbox.

Shop for Sims 4 Expansion, Game, and Stuff Packs!

Animal Crossing: New Horizons

Animal Crossing is similar to Stardew Valley in some ways. You play a cute character who has to build up a home on an island. I haven’t spent as much time playing Animal Crossing but its really so cute and you get to upgrade your home over time. You spend time making tools, making friends, shaking trees, fishing, and looking for fossils. You can also connect and play with your friends who also play Animal Crossing, visit each other’s islands, and help each other out.

Cozy video games are such a great way to unwind from a long day, work through your anxiety, and create and have fun in a virtual way.

What are your favorite cozy games?