Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Julie

How To Stay Married When The Military Is In Charge

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How To Stay Married When The Military Is In Charge

My husband joined the Army when we had been married for about three years. Everything before that was so different. We have had our Germany years and our Fort Campbell years and are now in our National Guard years.

Our boys are getting older, one is just about three years away from being an adult himself. We have one son with Autism and have had other challenges with our kids to figure out over the last 15 years.

We have been through four deployments, and too many other times apart to count. Lately, he has been home more often than he has ever been. I am not sure how long this will last, but this time together has been so needed.

I always feel a bit funny giving marriage advice. For a while, that was because I hadn’t been married long enough. Then, I just wasn’t sure if my advice would apply to anyone who read it. I have friends whose marriages haven’t lasted, even though they went into them with that as a plan.

I know so many people that are living a completely different life than they thought they would, with a completely different person than they started out with. Life happens, and you never really know how that will change you or your spouse.

But, as I look at my upcoming anniversary, I can’t help but think about what has worked and what hasn’t. I can’t help but think about what my marriage has gone through and what challenges we have faced over the years.

I don’t claim to have the secrets about how to stay married when you are in the military. Everyone has a different story. Everyone is dealing with their own experiences.

Marriage is never easy, but I do think there are things you can do to help keep you stay married over the miles and over the years.

Forgive Often

You are going to have to forgive each other and do so often. Whenever you live with another person, they are going to piss you off. They are going to get on your nerves sometimes, and you could find yourself holding a bit of a grudge if they wrong you in some way.

Obviously, there are exceptions. You don’t have to forgive someone who cheated on you. You don’t have to put up with abuse. But, in your day-to-day, try to forgive the little things. They usually aren’t worth holding on to.

Know Your Spouse’s Personality

This is something I feel like I didn’t quite get until the last few years. And if I had realized this earlier, things might have been a bit easier for me. I knew going in my husband is a completely different person than I am, but there is so much more to that that can affect your everyday.

The 5 Love Languages Military Edition: The Secret to Love That Lasts (this is an affiliate link) book is a good start. You can also take an Enneagram test to figure out you and your partner’s personality type as well as taking a Myers-Briggs test. These also can be good for friendships and getting along with people in general.

Knowing how your spouse works, how they feel loved, and what is important to them will help so much when certain struggles come up in your marriage. While “treat others like you want to be treated” can be good advice, it doesn’t always work 100%. Over the years I have learned more about what my husband appreciates and what he doesn’t care too much about.

One example is care packages. Some spouses love them. I know I would.

If I was deployed and my husband sent me a care package I would feel so loved. But for my husband? It is different. While he would appreciate one, receiving a care package wouldn’t be the same as it would be for me. When he is deployed, I don’t need to send him one on a regular basis, but that isn’t true for every deployed service member.

Communicate Expectations Before They Deploy

Talking about your expectations before a deployment starts is so important. Talk about how often you need to hear from them, care packages, and even how you will be spending your money during a deployment.

There are so many times when frustrating situations come up because each spouse has a different idea of how things are going to be during a deployment. While you can’t prepare for everything, communicating about deployment expectations will go a long way in helping your marriage when they are gone.

Talk Things Over

Constantly talking things over with your spouse is a must. You want to be on the same page about what you guys are going through. You don’t want to keep big things from each other.

If your children are very young and date nights are hard to come by, make use of the time after they go to bed. Cook a nice dinner, and have some conversations. You can connect this way, without even leaving your home.

If you can go on regular date nights, do so. They can make for the perfect time to talk about your lives, what is going on with both of you and what you want for the future. Lately, my husband and have been going out a couple of times a month.

We can have some fun, kid-free time together and let each other know how things are going. Sometimes during the workweek, we are ships passing in the night, so having that time together is very important to our marriage.

If your spouse is deployed, this type of thing can be difficult, especially if it isn’t easy to communicate. Writing letters can help, as well as trying to connect when you can. Other times you might just have to make some decisions on your own and tell them about them later.

During my husband’s first deployment, we went a whole month without talking with each other. That was just the way things were, so a lot of things I had to handle all by myself. That time wasn’t easy, but can be how a deployment goes.

Don’t Get Mad At Them For Something The Military Has Done

Getting mad at your spouse because of something the military has done can be easy to do. Keep in mind, they have to go where the military tells them to go, where the military tells them to go. And they can’t always take you with them.

Your spouse will also have to make decisions based on their career. You might not totally understand why and this can be frustrating. Try to remember, they want to make the right choice, and they might have to say yes to things you don’t want them to.

When it comes to the decision to re-enlist or not, decisions can be complicated. In some cases, getting out of the military is a must, for the mental health of the spouse or other members of the family. In other cases, that isn’t going to work, and the career aspirations of your service member need to be taken into account. Talking through your expectations, worries, and your hopes for the future is always a smart idea.

What is your best advice about how to stay married when the military is in charge?

The 9 Army Posts With New Names

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The 9 Army Posts With New Names

Fort Moore, Fort Liberty, and Fort Cavazos are 3 of the 9 Army posts that will all be renamed by the end of 2023. So far, 8 have already been renamed as you have probably noticed online or in your local area, especially if you live at one of these posts. The last Army post will be renamed before January 2024.

Why are the posts being renamed?

Congress established the Naming Commission in the National Defense Authorization Act of 2021 with the goal to provide removal and renaming recommendations for all DoD items, “that commemorate the Confederate States of America of any person who served voluntarily with the Confederate States of America.”

The Commission issued its first report in May of 2022 and finished its mission in October of 2022. The military posts started changing their names in 2023 and have until the beginning of 2024 to make the change.

Name changes like this can be confusing, even if there is a very good reason to make them. However, these were needed changes and we will now be able to honor others that have served their country in a heroic way, from the Civil War to more modern times.

So which Army installations changed their names? And what did they change them to?

Fort Benning is now Fort Moore

Fort Moore is located near Columbus, Georgia, and is named after Lieutenant General Hal Moore and his wife Julie Moore. The couple was portrayed in the movie, We Were Soldiers. Moore served in the military for 32 years after graduating from the US Military Academy in 1945. He wrote the book, We Were Soldiers Once…and Young which the movie was based on. We Were Soldiers depicts the first major battle of the Vietnam War in the la Drang Valley. He was awarded the Distinguished Service Cross after that fight. His wife Julie was a big advocate for the military community and helped change the way the Army delivered the casualty messages. Hal passed away in 2017, and Julie in 2004. Fort Benning became Fort Moore in May of 2023.

Fort Bragg is now Fort Liberty

Located just outside of Fayetteville, NC, Fort Liberty is the only post not changing its name to a person, but instead to an idea. The post will be named after the word “liberty” which is an American and military value. Fort Bragg became Fort Liberty in June of 2023.

Fort Hood is now Fort Cavazos

Located near Killeen, TX, Fort Cavazos is named after General Richard E. Cavazos. He was born in 1929 in Kingsville, TX, and was the first Hispanic 4-Star General in the US Army. He served in the military for 33 years, including during the Korean and Vietnam wars. He was stationed at Fort Hood in the 1950s and retired from the Army in 1984. Cavazos passed away in 2017. Fort Hood was changed to Fort Liberty in May of 2023.

Fort Lee is now Fort Gregg-Adams

Located near Petersburg, VA, Fort Gregg-Adams is named after two people. Gregg for Lieutenant General Arthur J. Gregg, and Adams for Lieutenant Colonel Charity Adams, two Black officers, and trailblazers for equality in the US Army.

Gregg enlisted in the Army in 1946 at just 17 years of age. He established himself as an outstanding logistician and in 1979 became the Army’s first Black officer to serve as a Deputy Chief of Staff for Logistics. He was also the highest-ranking Black Army officer when he retired from the military in 1981. In his 90s, he is also the only one being honored that is still alive today.

Adams was the first Black officer in the Women’s Army Auxillary Corps during WW2 and led the first predominantly Black Women’s Army Corps unit to serve overseas. But the time retired she became the highest-ranking Black woman at the time. She passed away in 2002. Fort Lee became Fort Gregg-Adams in April of 2023.

Fort Picket is now Fort Barfoot

Located near Blackstone, VA, Fort Barfoot is named after Colonel Van T. Barfoot, who was a recipient of the Medal of Honor during WW2. Barfoot enlisted in the Army in 1940 and served in the military for 34 years, including time in Korea and Vietnam. Although he was never an official member of the Choctaw Nation, his grandmother was. He passed away in 2012 at the age of 92. Fort Picket became Fort Barfoot in March of 2023.

Fort Rucker is now Fort Novosel

Located in Dale County, AL, Fort Novosel is named after Chief Warrant Officer Michael J. Novosel Sr., who is a Medal of Honor recipient. He joined the Army Air Corps in 1941 when he was 19 years old. During World War II he flew B-29 Superfortress bombers. After the war he remained in the Reserves, serving as a part of the newly formed Air Force while in Korea. During Vietnam, he volunteered for active duty as a warrant officer and helicopter pilot since the Air Force had too many senior officers at the time. In October of 1969, he saved 29 men and received the Medal of Honor and in total flew over 2,500 extraction missions in Vietnam. He served in Army Aviation until 1984 and passed away in 2006. Fort Rucker became Fort Novosel in April of 2023.

Fort A.P. Hill is now Fort Walker

Located near Bowling Green, VA, Fort Walker is named after Dr. Mary Edwards Walker who was an American abolitionist, prohibitionist, prisoner of war, as well as a surgeon. She is the only woman to ever receive the Medal of Honor. Dr. Walker was born in 1832 and earned her medical degree in 1855. She was hired by the Union Forces and was assigned to the Army of the Cumberland and later the 52nd Ohio Infantry. She became the first woman surgeon in the US Army and was captured by the Confederates as a POW until she was released during a prisoner exchange. She received her Medal of Honor after the Civil War for treating the wounded in battle and across enemy lines but in 1917, the award was rescinded. In 1977 it was restored by President Jimmy Carter. She passed away in 1919 after supporting the Woman’s Suffrage Movement. Fort A.P. Hill became Fort Walker in August of 2023.

Fort Polk is now Fort Johnson

Located near Leesville, LA, Fort Johnson is named after Sergeant William Henry Johnson, who was a Black World War I hero. Johnson enlisted in the US Army in 1917 and was assigned to an all-black national guard unit that later became the 369th Infantry Regiment. In May of 1918, he single-handly stopped the German forces from approaching the main French line. He was awarded the French Croix de Guerre with Palme, which is France’s highest award for Valor. He passed away in 1929 and was posthumously awarded the Purple Heart in 1996 and the Distinguished Service Cross in 2002. Fort Polk became Fort Johnson in June of 2023.

Fort Gordon is now Fort Eisenhower

Located in Augusta, GA, Fort Eisenhower is named after former President and General of the Army, Dwight D. Eisenhower. In 1911, he accepted an appointment at West Point and graduated in 1915. He was then posted to Fort Sam Houston in Texas. While he did serve in the Army during WWI, he never went overseas. He did, however, receive a Distinguished Service Medal for his work at home. Over the years he rose through the ranks and became the General of the Army in 1944 and later became the new Chief of Staff of the Army after the war. He served as the 34th President from 1953 to 1961. He was then reinstated to the rank of General of the Army after his Presidency. He passed away in 1969. Fort Gordon will become Fort Eisenhower in October of 2023.

While getting used to new names can take some time, these name changes are for the better and gives us the chance to honor a few more American heroes.

To the Burned Out Solo Parent

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To the Burned Out Solo Parent

It’s almost bedtime, almost. You start your bedtime routine at 6:30 on the dot and if all goes well, the kids will be asleep by 7:30, or 8:30, usually by 9, but sometimes even as late as 10:00. It just depends.

If your spouse is deployed at the moment, it really doesn’t matter how long bedtime takes, it will still be 100% on you to get those kids to bed. There will be no trading off nights, no asking for help, no relief if you had a burned out day and need to just chill by yourself for a bit.

Solo parenting doesn’t allow that.

Solo parenting means you play both mom and dad, even if you are tired.

Solo parenting means you make all the daily decisions for the kids, and that can get exhausting.

Solo parenting means you can’t wait for the little bit of me time you get after the kids go to bed, but know you will probably just want to go to sleep yourself.

The first time I ever became a solo parent my son was 13 months old. It was quite a shock to the system. And one I never fully got used to. Everything was on me. And at times, I felt like I couldn’t get it done.

So to the burned out solo parent, I get it. This is hard. Really hard.

You have too much to do, you just do

That’s the reality of the situation. You have to prioritize and let some things go. You can’t do it all, and if you try, solo parenting will be that much more difficult for you. You are doing everything you have to do and stepping in for the other parent as well.

Keep this in mind when you feel like you can’t get it all done, you weren’t supposed to get it all done. Some things can wait for the next day, the next week, or even when they get back home.

You have to stay busy

Staying home all day, every day, with children and no spouse coming home at night is going to make this whole deployment thing a bit more complicated.

Find places to go, even if you just walk down to the park. Find people to hang out with, even if it is just for an hour. Find new hobbies, and get your kids involved in them too.

You have to give yourself a break

What you are doing is not easy, and a lot of people might never understand what solo parenting is really like. They might say things that annoy you or piss you off. They just don’t totally understand.

But don’t let them get you down. Figure out what works for you and your kids and do it, even if what you choose to do is different than the norm.

Find that me time

I know, it’s hard to find time for yourself but see what you can do. Things that have helped me along the way were hourly care on post, MOPS, PWOC, trading babysitting with friends, having family come and help, spending time on myself after the kids go to bed, and being able to say no sometimes. Taking care of ourselves is so important too, we can’t forget that in the midst of our solo parenting days.

So to the burned out solo parent, think of one thing you could do right now to help ease some of the stress. Write it down, make a plan to get it done, or ask a friend to help you. There are things you can do to make this part of military life a little bit easier.

How do you make things a little easier for yourself when you are in a season of solo parenting?

When You Make it Halfway Through a Deployment

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Halfway Through a Deployment

They have been gone for so many days now, so many days. But as you look at the calendar, you realize something exciting, you have hit the halfway point.

This fills you will joy because it tells you that you are making it through this deployment. It tells you that the days will actually pass and you will get through to the end.

When the deployment first started, you weren’t sure how you would make it to the first week, let alone the first month but now, here you are, halfway through a deployment.

You think about all the days you have crossed off your calendar, and all the special memories you were able to make, even though you felt that deployment ache through them all. You still tried to have fun, even if they weren’t around to share that fun with you.

You have taken so many pictures, enough to fill a book. You have sent a handful of care packages, knowing that each one made their day, sending them love across the miles. You start to have ideas of what to send for the next few months.

You think about your kids, and how they have handled things. The first half of this deployment hasn’t been without tears. But, you know you can be there for them on the lonely nights or when they really just want that hug from mommy or daddy and you can’t give it to them.

You take out your calendar, and you know you need to fill the dates up just like you did for the first half of the deployment. You know keeping busy is the way to go, even though doing so doesn’t always take away the loneliness that comes with a deployment.

In the back of your mind, you know that they could stay for longer than you think they are supposed to. You have been there before and a deployment extension is always something you think about. But you also want to have that faith that the deployment will end at the time you think it might, and have hope that this truly is the halfway point of the deployment.

You think about what the halfway point of a deployment really means. The halfway point of a deployment means you will soon have fewer days left that you have already been through. The halfway point of a deployment means you can do hard things. The halfway point of a deployment means you have climbed up the mountain and just need to make your way back down.

Deployment days don’t always move quickly, but they do move and reaching the halfway point of the deployment is evidence of that. Reaching that milestone is a reason to celebrate, and to think about all the things you were able to do, that you didn’t think you could.

If you have friends going through the deployment with you, you could make plans to celebrate. Dance and sing, and know that you are doing this, you are getting through this deployment, even if it is just one day at a time.

Treat yourself and order a yummy dinner, buy a new book, or start a new project. Do something to mark this milestone, and remember this accomplishment when you hit harder days ahead.

Deployments are rarely easy. Each one comes with its own challenges, based on so many different factors. But they all have a halfway point to celebrate and remind you how tough you really are.

Have you done anything special to celebrate the halfway mark of a deployment?

When Your Spouse’s Deployment Gets Extended

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When Your Spouse's Deployment Gets Extended

They tell you not to trust the date you are first given for your spouse’s return from a deployment. That is good advice. Deployment dates change all of the time. Maybe by just a few weeks, maybe just a few days, and sometimes by a few months.

Being aware that nothing is set in stone is a good idea. You don’t want to get disappointed. You don’t want to disappoint your kids. And as much as you want to have a firm date, you know you can’t ever really get one.

However, when your spouse’s deployment gets extended, it can be one of the most stressful things you have to go through. We went through this in 2007, and now, more families are going through it due to the new restrictions about troop movements due to what is going on in the world.

A deployment extension means, having to wait longer than you ever thought you would for your spouse to return home from deployment.

A deployment extension means you will probably always assume a deployment will get extended in the future, just to protect yourself.

A deployment extension means that there will be more missed birthdays and more missed holidays.

A deployment extension can truly mess with your emotions. You know dates could have changed, but that still won’t prepare you for actually going through it. You know you are strong enough to get through even a few more weeks of a deployment, but you also feel yourself starting to break at the thought of even more time apart.

When a military family has to go through an extension, it creates a lot of fear. Will the deployment be extended even longer? Will we ever get a homecoming date?

When a military family has to go through an extension, it can be hard to relate to other family and friends who don’t have to go through it. It can be hard to relate when people are talking about spending too much time together when all you really want is your loved one back in your arms.

When a military family has to go through a deployment extension, the stress levels can be very high, and everyone can be very emotional. There will be tears, and anger and frustrations, even when it comes to little things in life.

My heart goes out to any military family going through this right now. You thought the deployment was almost over, but now it needs to go on a little longer. You thought you had gotten through the worst of it, but now you still have too many days ahead of you. You might be feeling like you are alone in how you feel, but I assure you, you are not.

When I found out my husband was going to get extended, I felt defeated. I felt like I didn’t have the energy to make it through any more deployment days. I was so sad, and so frustrated that this was happening.

For us, a deployment extension meant that my husband would be gone over a year. I am not sure how many military families are facing that right now. But being deployed over a year brings up even more struggles and frustration. There is just something about hitting that year mark that is just so sad and frustrating.

But whether you thought you would have a four-month deployment and now looking at six months, or a nine-month deployment and now dealing with them being deployed almost a year, you are allowed to grieve a delayed homecoming.

Your feelings are real and it’s okay to be frustrated that you are not going to see your spouse when you thought you would. Yes, you know how important it is to keep people safe and travel restrictions are apart of that. But that doesn’t mean you are not going to grieve what was or what your expectations were before this happened.

I can tell you to stay busy, that’s really all you can do but these days staying busy is harder then it used to be. Maybe staying busy will be working on a household project or taking a long drive with the kids every day.

I can tell you to reach out to friends, which is important. But during this time you can’t all get together like you used to. You can’t meet up for coffee or a playdate, and that adds another level of frustration. Thank goodness we still have our phones and social media.

I can tell you to take this one day at a time, but I know how hard that. I know that the long days don’t want to move and that it seems like the deployment will never be over. I know how hard it is to wait even longer than you thought you would have to.

This time in history is a hard time for everyone. We are all missing something, but for those military families going through a deployment extension, they are missing a part of their family, and that truly can be heartbreaking.

If you are not going through this right now, have compassion for those who are. This is something that could happen to any of us with a spouse in the military and has happened to many of us in the past. Let’s come together as a community to get through this, and help one another through the days ahead.

“Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.” – Joshua J. Marine

Meet Me at the Lake by Carley Fortune

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Meet Me at the Lake by Carley Fortune

Last summer I took debut author Carley Fortune’s first book, Every Summer After, on our beach trip. And I fell in love with the story. Every Summer After is the story of two childhood sweethearts, coming together again as adults, on a lake, with cottages and family.

I am such a sucker for any book that takes place at a lake or a beach house, plus, childhood friends or sweethearts coming back together as adults. And Every Summer After, and Meet Me at the Lake had both!

This post does contain affiliate links!

When I heard that Carley Fortune was releasing her 2nd book, Meet Me at the Lake, I was super excited. This book also took place at a lake, at a resort owned by the main character’s family. Fern Brookbanks is the new owner of the resort after the unexpected passing of her mother. She is trying to figure out what is next in her life and what path she should take.

As Fern questions if she should stay at the resort and for how long, a man named Will Baxter checks into the resort. Fern’s past comes right back to her as she realizes this was the Will she met 10 years before, at a coffee shop in Toronto. Back then they ended up spending 24 hours together, with a promise to meet back at her family’s resort one year later. Only, she was the only one that showed.

I think when an author has a very successful book come out, they always have a bit of a challenge with the next one. They need the book to be similar enough to the previous one but not so similar it’s a copy with just different character names. I believe that Carley Fortune nailed it, and wrote another amazing and creative book.

Meet Me at the Lake was a different story from Every Summer After, even though the book also had some of the same elements. They both had some type of event that happened that we don’t get to hear about until later on in the book, and they both went back and forth between now and years before.

Overall I gave Meet Me at the Lake four stars and Every Summer After 5 stars. I loved Carley Fortune’s debut book just a little bit more. But, Meet Me at the Lake was such a fun summer read. I totally recommend this book.

You can purchase the book here. Or check to see if your local library has a copy.

5 Reasons Why the Sims 4 is My Favorite Video Game

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5 Reasons Why the Sims 4 is My Favorite Video Game

This post does contain affiliate links!

The year was 2000 and I loved playing the game Sim City. The goal of the game was to build your own city, run it, make enough money to do so, and keep your citizens happy. When I heard that there was going to be a game where we could play those little Sims citizens on an individual basis, I knew I had to get it and then I did.

I fell in love with the game right away. Over the years I have enjoyed the evolution and all the new gameplay that has been added.

When COVID started, I only had the Sims 4 base game. I bought Cats and Dogs on a whim and started playing the game on a regular basis. Over the months and years that have followed, I have added quite a few of the expansion packs. I think Seasons is my favorite, although there are quite a few I really enjoy playing with. Some add a lot more to the game than others.

If you are curious about the Sims 4, know that it is one of the best cozy games around. I can pull it up and dive into a variety of challenges, play with a host of different families, and truly relax and let go of the anxiety life brings. Here are 5 reasons why the Sims 4 is my favorite video game.

Shop for Sims 4 Expansion, Game, and Stuff Packs!

It’s a virtual doll house

The Sims 4 is like playing with a virtual doll house. You have your sims and can make them do whatever you want. Beyond telling them what to do, there is some game play that can create a virtual world with jobs, relationships, frustrations, and real-life experiences. You can add in your favorite celebrities, or create your own people from your imagination. It’s almost limitless.

The challenges

There are some really creative Sims 4 players out there who have created challenges for us to play, complete with rules and all. The 100 Baby Challenge, created for Sims 4 by Snarky Witch, and The Legacy Challenge by Pinstar, are my favorite and I tend to go back and forth between those two challenges, or similar ones.

Challenges allow you to have a focus and a mission of some kind while playing. This can add to gameplay and make things a bit more fun. You can also catch some of your favorite YouTubers playing these challenges too.

Watching the Sims grow

There is just something about starting a player as a baby and watching them grow through every stage. With the Sims 4, you can start a player as an infant, watch them turn into a baby, then toddler, child, teenager, young adult, adult, and elder. This is what makes the Legacy and even the 100 Baby Challenge so fun for me. I can start with a baby and then eventually play their grandchildren or great grandchildren.

Gardening

No matter what challenge I am playing, what world I have my Sims in, or what job I have them do, I will always have them garden. I love it so much, even with some of the glitches that come up with the gardens. There is such a variety of plants you can grow and with the Seasons pack you can have a lot of fun with the changing of the weather and seasons. Strawberries might be my favorite.

Different packs, different gameplay

I don’t own every pack that has come out for the Sims 4, but I own quite a few. Kits are new, and are the smallest type of pack, then Stuff Packs, Game Packs, with the Expansion Packs having the most to them. I love how each pack adds something different to your gameplay. From the Vampire pack adding vampires and spooky decor to Getting to Work which allows you to actually go to the hospital when you have a baby. If a pack comes out that doesn’t interest you, you can skip it. It’s also quite exciting when they announce a new pack with new decor, clothing, and gameplay.

You can get Sims 4 for free at EA Games!

Shop for Sims 4 Expansion, Game, and Stuff Packs!

Have you played the Sims 4? What’s your favorite pack?

5 Things to Know About Being a National Guard Spouse

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It’s been nine years since I became a National Guard spouse when my husband went from the active duty military to the National Guard. Nine years of drills, annual training, and all things National Guard. Unlike many National Guard families, we live near a military post, Fort Campbell. He was stationed here when he was active duty and we stayed. We definitely live in a military town, and have access to many of the same things active duty military have.

We can and do shop at the Commissary, attend events on post, and many people we meet are associated with the military. They are either other military spouses, military brats, or veterans. Most people around me know a little bit about the military lifestyle, which I know isn’t always the case when you are in the National Guard or the Reserves.

Service members in the National Guard serve in the military, however, their day-to-day lives can look a little different. If your spouse serves in the National Guard, they will most likely also work a civilian job. As a National Guard family, the military is around, but not necessarily on a daily basis like you might find if you were an active duty family.

If your service member is thinking about joining the National Guard or the Reserves after active duty or thinking of joining to start their military career, I hope you are able to find this post helpful.

Sometimes the military is in your face

There are times when the military is going to be in your face. The Guard does deploy, and they also go away to train. AT or Annual Training is the “two weeks a year” part of the deal. Although sometimes AT is longer than two weeks. For us, it has been anywhere from 2-4 weeks.

Sometimes my living room is filled with camo as my husband sorts his gear for a drill weekend or other types of training. Sometimes we are waiting on military orders. Sometimes this life feels similar to when he was active duty. The key word here is sometimes.

Sometimes we are a lot more civilian

There are times when we are a lot more like a civilian family. While drill weekend is once a month, sometimes there can be six weeks in between drill weekends. This means that we don’t think as much about the military as other times. Life is pretty much him going to his civilian job, and not much going on with the military, even though the military is always still in the back of our minds. Every year seems to be a big mix of both military and non military seasons.

The news isn’t your friend

The news could mean activation. The National Guard could get called to help with a hurricane, tornado, or other natural disaster. They could get called to help with any type of unrest or anytime they are needed. This can be with very little notice and you will have to change your plans. This is one of the hardest parts of Guard life for me. Activation doesn’t happen too often but I always have it in the back of my mind, especially when planning vacations or other important events.

Create your own drill weekend fun

Creating drill weekend fun is good for you. I never love when my husband is gone. I am pretty sure drill weekend always falls on the most inconvenient weekend of the month, but I also enjoy creating traditions while he is away. I will order my favorite food one night or binge a specific show I only watch when he is gone.

You can and should enjoy that time as much as you can, instead of just dreading the times they will be away. Use those weekends or trainings to work on yourself, and make memories with friends or your kids. This will make your life as a National Guard spouse a bit easier.

National Guard spouses do get some benefits

Us National Guard and Reserves spouses do qualify for some of the same benefits active duty spouses do. When looking at spouse programs, finding out that we can’t qualify for something is frustrating. Our spouses serve too. However, some programs do include us. Here are a few of them:

  • MyCAA provides military spouses with up to $4,000 in financial aid to pursue a license, certification, or associate’s degree. MyCAA is available to National Guard and Reservist spouses when their service members are on Title 10 orders. MyCAA is for spouses whose service members have ranks between E-1 through E-6, W-1 through W-2, and O-1 through O-3.
  • Tutor.com is a free online tutoring website to include college and professional subjects, available 24/7.
  • Most military discounts that offer the discount to spouses include National Guard spouses, such as the amazing Disneyland military discount.
  • Hire Heroes USA provides free job search assistance to US military members, veterans, and their spouses.
  • Blue Star Families and Military OneSource are also available to us.

Not everyone’s experiences as a National Guard spouse will be the same. Some service members train more than others. But joining the National Guard or Reserves can be a good career move for some service members.