Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Julie

To the Burned Out Solo Parent

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To the Burned Out Solo Parent

It’s almost bedtime, almost. You start your bedtime routine at 6:30 on the dot and if all goes well, the kids will be asleep by 7:30, or 8:30, usually by 9, but sometimes even as late as 10:00. It just depends.

If your spouse is deployed at the moment, it really doesn’t matter how long bedtime takes, it will still be 100% on you to get those kids to bed. There will be no trading off nights, no asking for help, no relief if you had a burned out day and need to just chill by yourself for a bit.

Solo parenting doesn’t allow that.

Solo parenting means you play both mom and dad, even if you are tired.

Solo parenting means you make all the daily decisions for the kids, and that can get exhausting.

Solo parenting means you can’t wait for the little bit of me time you get after the kids go to bed, but know you will probably just want to go to sleep yourself.

The first time I ever became a solo parent my son was 13 months old. It was quite a shock to the system. And one I never fully got used to. Everything was on me. And at times, I felt like I couldn’t get it done.

So to the burned out solo parent, I get it. This is hard. Really hard.

You have too much to do, you just do

That’s the reality of the situation. You have to prioritize and let some things go. You can’t do it all, and if you try, solo parenting will be that much more difficult for you. You are doing everything you have to do and stepping in for the other parent as well.

Keep this in mind when you feel like you can’t get it all done, you weren’t supposed to get it all done. Some things can wait for the next day, the next week, or even when they get back home.

You have to stay busy

Staying home all day, every day, with children and no spouse coming home at night is going to make this whole deployment thing a bit more complicated.

Find places to go, even if you just walk down to the park. Find people to hang out with, even if it is just for an hour. Find new hobbies, and get your kids involved in them too.

You have to give yourself a break

What you are doing is not easy, and a lot of people might never understand what solo parenting is really like. They might say things that annoy you or piss you off. They just don’t totally understand.

But don’t let them get you down. Figure out what works for you and your kids and do it, even if what you choose to do is different than the norm.

Find that me time

I know, it’s hard to find time for yourself but see what you can do. Things that have helped me along the way were hourly care on post, MOPS, PWOC, trading babysitting with friends, having family come and help, spending time on myself after the kids go to bed, and being able to say no sometimes. Taking care of ourselves is so important too, we can’t forget that in the midst of our solo parenting days.

So to the burned out solo parent, think of one thing you could do right now to help ease some of the stress. Write it down, make a plan to get it done, or ask a friend to help you. There are things you can do to make this part of military life a little bit easier.

How do you make things a little easier for yourself when you are in a season of solo parenting?

When You Make it Halfway Through a Deployment

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Halfway Through a Deployment

They have been gone for so many days now, so many days. But as you look at the calendar, you realize something exciting, you have hit the halfway point.

This fills you will joy because it tells you that you are making it through this deployment. It tells you that the days will actually pass and you will get through to the end.

When the deployment first started, you weren’t sure how you would make it to the first week, let alone the first month but now, here you are, halfway through a deployment.

You think about all the days you have crossed off your calendar, and all the special memories you were able to make, even though you felt that deployment ache through them all. You still tried to have fun, even if they weren’t around to share that fun with you.

You have taken so many pictures, enough to fill a book. You have sent a handful of care packages, knowing that each one made their day, sending them love across the miles. You start to have ideas of what to send for the next few months.

You think about your kids, and how they have handled things. The first half of this deployment hasn’t been without tears. But, you know you can be there for them on the lonely nights or when they really just want that hug from mommy or daddy and you can’t give it to them.

You take out your calendar, and you know you need to fill the dates up just like you did for the first half of the deployment. You know keeping busy is the way to go, even though doing so doesn’t always take away the loneliness that comes with a deployment.

In the back of your mind, you know that they could stay for longer than you think they are supposed to. You have been there before and a deployment extension is always something you think about. But you also want to have that faith that the deployment will end at the time you think it might, and have hope that this truly is the halfway point of the deployment.

You think about what the halfway point of a deployment really means. The halfway point of a deployment means you will soon have fewer days left that you have already been through. The halfway point of a deployment means you can do hard things. The halfway point of a deployment means you have climbed up the mountain and just need to make your way back down.

Deployment days don’t always move quickly, but they do move and reaching the halfway point of the deployment is evidence of that. Reaching that milestone is a reason to celebrate, and to think about all the things you were able to do, that you didn’t think you could.

If you have friends going through the deployment with you, you could make plans to celebrate. Dance and sing, and know that you are doing this, you are getting through this deployment, even if it is just one day at a time.

Treat yourself and order a yummy dinner, buy a new book, or start a new project. Do something to mark this milestone, and remember this accomplishment when you hit harder days ahead.

Deployments are rarely easy. Each one comes with its own challenges, based on so many different factors. But they all have a halfway point to celebrate and remind you how tough you really are.

Have you done anything special to celebrate the halfway mark of a deployment?

When Your Spouse’s Deployment Gets Extended

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When Your Spouse's Deployment Gets Extended

They tell you not to trust the date you are first given for your spouse’s return from a deployment. That is good advice. Deployment dates change all of the time. Maybe by just a few weeks, maybe just a few days, and sometimes by a few months.

Being aware that nothing is set in stone is a good idea. You don’t want to get disappointed. You don’t want to disappoint your kids. And as much as you want to have a firm date, you know you can’t ever really get one.

However, when your spouse’s deployment gets extended, it can be one of the most stressful things you have to go through. We went through this in 2007, and now, more families are going through it due to the new restrictions about troop movements due to what is going on in the world.

A deployment extension means, having to wait longer than you ever thought you would for your spouse to return home from deployment.

A deployment extension means you will probably always assume a deployment will get extended in the future, just to protect yourself.

A deployment extension means that there will be more missed birthdays and more missed holidays.

A deployment extension can truly mess with your emotions. You know dates could have changed, but that still won’t prepare you for actually going through it. You know you are strong enough to get through even a few more weeks of a deployment, but you also feel yourself starting to break at the thought of even more time apart.

When a military family has to go through an extension, it creates a lot of fear. Will the deployment be extended even longer? Will we ever get a homecoming date?

When a military family has to go through an extension, it can be hard to relate to other family and friends who don’t have to go through it. It can be hard to relate when people are talking about spending too much time together when all you really want is your loved one back in your arms.

When a military family has to go through a deployment extension, the stress levels can be very high, and everyone can be very emotional. There will be tears, and anger and frustrations, even when it comes to little things in life.

My heart goes out to any military family going through this right now. You thought the deployment was almost over, but now it needs to go on a little longer. You thought you had gotten through the worst of it, but now you still have too many days ahead of you. You might be feeling like you are alone in how you feel, but I assure you, you are not.

When I found out my husband was going to get extended, I felt defeated. I felt like I didn’t have the energy to make it through any more deployment days. I was so sad, and so frustrated that this was happening.

For us, a deployment extension meant that my husband would be gone over a year. I am not sure how many military families are facing that right now. But being deployed over a year brings up even more struggles and frustration. There is just something about hitting that year mark that is just so sad and frustrating.

But whether you thought you would have a four-month deployment and now looking at six months, or a nine-month deployment and now dealing with them being deployed almost a year, you are allowed to grieve a delayed homecoming.

Your feelings are real and it’s okay to be frustrated that you are not going to see your spouse when you thought you would. Yes, you know how important it is to keep people safe and travel restrictions are apart of that. But that doesn’t mean you are not going to grieve what was or what your expectations were before this happened.

I can tell you to stay busy, that’s really all you can do but these days staying busy is harder then it used to be. Maybe staying busy will be working on a household project or taking a long drive with the kids every day.

I can tell you to reach out to friends, which is important. But during this time you can’t all get together like you used to. You can’t meet up for coffee or a playdate, and that adds another level of frustration. Thank goodness we still have our phones and social media.

I can tell you to take this one day at a time, but I know how hard that. I know that the long days don’t want to move and that it seems like the deployment will never be over. I know how hard it is to wait even longer than you thought you would have to.

This time in history is a hard time for everyone. We are all missing something, but for those military families going through a deployment extension, they are missing a part of their family, and that truly can be heartbreaking.

If you are not going through this right now, have compassion for those who are. This is something that could happen to any of us with a spouse in the military and has happened to many of us in the past. Let’s come together as a community to get through this, and help one another through the days ahead.

“Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.” – Joshua J. Marine

Meet Me at the Lake by Carley Fortune

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Meet Me at the Lake by Carley Fortune

Last summer I took debut author Carley Fortune’s first book, Every Summer After, on our beach trip. And I fell in love with the story. Every Summer After is the story of two childhood sweethearts, coming together again as adults, on a lake, with cottages and family.

I am such a sucker for any book that takes place at a lake or a beach house, plus, childhood friends or sweethearts coming back together as adults. And Every Summer After, and Meet Me at the Lake had both!

This post does contain affiliate links!

When I heard that Carley Fortune was releasing her 2nd book, Meet Me at the Lake, I was super excited. This book also took place at a lake, at a resort owned by the main character’s family. Fern Brookbanks is the new owner of the resort after the unexpected passing of her mother. She is trying to figure out what is next in her life and what path she should take.

As Fern questions if she should stay at the resort and for how long, a man named Will Baxter checks into the resort. Fern’s past comes right back to her as she realizes this was the Will she met 10 years before, at a coffee shop in Toronto. Back then they ended up spending 24 hours together, with a promise to meet back at her family’s resort one year later. Only, she was the only one that showed.

I think when an author has a very successful book come out, they always have a bit of a challenge with the next one. They need the book to be similar enough to the previous one but not so similar it’s a copy with just different character names. I believe that Carley Fortune nailed it, and wrote another amazing and creative book.

Meet Me at the Lake was a different story from Every Summer After, even though the book also had some of the same elements. They both had some type of event that happened that we don’t get to hear about until later on in the book, and they both went back and forth between now and years before.

Overall I gave Meet Me at the Lake four stars and Every Summer After 5 stars. I loved Carley Fortune’s debut book just a little bit more. But, Meet Me at the Lake was such a fun summer read. I totally recommend this book.

You can purchase the book here. Or check to see if your local library has a copy.

5 Reasons Why the Sims 4 is My Favorite Video Game

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5 Reasons Why the Sims 4 is My Favorite Video Game

This post does contain affiliate links!

The year was 2000 and I loved playing the game Sim City. The goal of the game was to build your own city, run it, make enough money to do so, and keep your citizens happy. When I heard that there was going to be a game where we could play those little Sims citizens on an individual basis, I knew I had to get it and then I did.

I fell in love with the game right away. Over the years I have enjoyed the evolution and all the new gameplay that has been added.

When COVID started, I only had the Sims 4 base game. I bought Cats and Dogs on a whim and started playing the game on a regular basis. Over the months and years that have followed, I have added quite a few of the expansion packs. I think Seasons is my favorite, although there are quite a few I really enjoy playing with. Some add a lot more to the game than others.

If you are curious about the Sims 4, know that it is one of the best cozy games around. I can pull it up and dive into a variety of challenges, play with a host of different families, and truly relax and let go of the anxiety life brings. Here are 5 reasons why the Sims 4 is my favorite video game.

Shop for Sims 4 Expansion, Game, and Stuff Packs!

It’s a virtual doll house

The Sims 4 is like playing with a virtual doll house. You have your sims and can make them do whatever you want. Beyond telling them what to do, there is some game play that can create a virtual world with jobs, relationships, frustrations, and real-life experiences. You can add in your favorite celebrities, or create your own people from your imagination. It’s almost limitless.

The challenges

There are some really creative Sims 4 players out there who have created challenges for us to play, complete with rules and all. The 100 Baby Challenge, created for Sims 4 by Snarky Witch, and The Legacy Challenge by Pinstar, are my favorite and I tend to go back and forth between those two challenges, or similar ones.

Challenges allow you to have a focus and a mission of some kind while playing. This can add to gameplay and make things a bit more fun. You can also catch some of your favorite YouTubers playing these challenges too.

Watching the Sims grow

There is just something about starting a player as a baby and watching them grow through every stage. With the Sims 4, you can start a player as an infant, watch them turn into a baby, then toddler, child, teenager, young adult, adult, and elder. This is what makes the Legacy and even the 100 Baby Challenge so fun for me. I can start with a baby and then eventually play their grandchildren or great grandchildren.

Gardening

No matter what challenge I am playing, what world I have my Sims in, or what job I have them do, I will always have them garden. I love it so much, even with some of the glitches that come up with the gardens. There is such a variety of plants you can grow and with the Seasons pack you can have a lot of fun with the changing of the weather and seasons. Strawberries might be my favorite.

Different packs, different gameplay

I don’t own every pack that has come out for the Sims 4, but I own quite a few. Kits are new, and are the smallest type of pack, then Stuff Packs, Game Packs, with the Expansion Packs having the most to them. I love how each pack adds something different to your gameplay. From the Vampire pack adding vampires and spooky decor to Getting to Work which allows you to actually go to the hospital when you have a baby. If a pack comes out that doesn’t interest you, you can skip it. It’s also quite exciting when they announce a new pack with new decor, clothing, and gameplay.

You can get Sims 4 for free at EA Games!

Shop for Sims 4 Expansion, Game, and Stuff Packs!

Have you played the Sims 4? What’s your favorite pack?

5 Things to Know About Being a National Guard Spouse

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It’s been nine years since I became a National Guard spouse when my husband went from the active duty military to the National Guard. Nine years of drills, annual training, and all things National Guard. Unlike many National Guard families, we live near a military post, Fort Campbell. He was stationed here when he was active duty and we stayed. We definitely live in a military town, and have access to many of the same things active duty military have.

We can and do shop at the Commissary, attend events on post, and many people we meet are associated with the military. They are either other military spouses, military brats, or veterans. Most people around me know a little bit about the military lifestyle, which I know isn’t always the case when you are in the National Guard or the Reserves.

Service members in the National Guard serve in the military, however, their day-to-day lives can look a little different. If your spouse serves in the National Guard, they will most likely also work a civilian job. As a National Guard family, the military is around, but not necessarily on a daily basis like you might find if you were an active duty family.

If your service member is thinking about joining the National Guard or the Reserves after active duty or thinking of joining to start their military career, I hope you are able to find this post helpful.

Sometimes the military is in your face

There are times when the military is going to be in your face. The Guard does deploy, and they also go away to train. AT or Annual Training is the “two weeks a year” part of the deal. Although sometimes AT is longer than two weeks. For us, it has been anywhere from 2-4 weeks.

Sometimes my living room is filled with camo as my husband sorts his gear for a drill weekend or other types of training. Sometimes we are waiting on military orders. Sometimes this life feels similar to when he was active duty. The key word here is sometimes.

Sometimes we are a lot more civilian

There are times when we are a lot more like a civilian family. While drill weekend is once a month, sometimes there can be six weeks in between drill weekends. This means that we don’t think as much about the military as other times. Life is pretty much him going to his civilian job, and not much going on with the military, even though the military is always still in the back of our minds. Every year seems to be a big mix of both military and non military seasons.

The news isn’t your friend

The news could mean activation. The National Guard could get called to help with a hurricane, tornado, or other natural disaster. They could get called to help with any type of unrest or anytime they are needed. This can be with very little notice and you will have to change your plans. This is one of the hardest parts of Guard life for me. Activation doesn’t happen too often but I always have it in the back of my mind, especially when planning vacations or other important events.

Create your own drill weekend fun

Creating drill weekend fun is good for you. I never love when my husband is gone. I am pretty sure drill weekend always falls on the most inconvenient weekend of the month, but I also enjoy creating traditions while he is away. I will order my favorite food one night or binge a specific show I only watch when he is gone.

You can and should enjoy that time as much as you can, instead of just dreading the times they will be away. Use those weekends or trainings to work on yourself, and make memories with friends or your kids. This will make your life as a National Guard spouse a bit easier.

National Guard spouses do get some benefits

Us National Guard and Reserves spouses do qualify for some of the same benefits active duty spouses do. When looking at spouse programs, finding out that we can’t qualify for something is frustrating. Our spouses serve too. However, some programs do include us. Here are a few of them:

  • MyCAA provides military spouses with up to $4,000 in financial aid to pursue a license, certification, or associate’s degree. MyCAA is available to National Guard and Reservist spouses when their service members are on Title 10 orders. MyCAA is for spouses whose service members have ranks between E-1 through E-6, W-1 through W-2, and O-1 through O-3.
  • Tutor.com is a free online tutoring website to include college and professional subjects, available 24/7.
  • Most military discounts that offer the discount to spouses include National Guard spouses, such as the amazing Disneyland military discount.
  • Hire Heroes USA provides free job search assistance to US military members, veterans, and their spouses.
  • Blue Star Families and Military OneSource are also available to us.

Not everyone’s experiences as a National Guard spouse will be the same. Some service members train more than others. But joining the National Guard or Reserves can be a good career move for some service members.

Changes to TRICARE Coming in 2024: What You Need to Know

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Changes to TRICARE Coming in 2024: What You Need to Know

Oh TRICARE, it’s our favorite, isn’t it? Well maybe, maybe not, but TRICARE is our military insurance and like it or not, TRICARE is here to stay.

The new year will bring changes to TRICARE

With a new year, there will be changes to TRICARE that you need to be aware of, especially if you live in one of the six states mentioned below. There will be a new contract for TRICARE known as T-5. According to TRICARE, the changes will improve the delivery, quality, and cost of healthcare services for service members, retirees, and their families.

States are moving

The BIGGEST change that you need to be aware of is that some states will be moving from TRICARE East to TRICARE West. In 2024, TRICARE will continue to have two regional contractors. Humana Military, or Humana Government Busines for TRICARE East, and TriWest Healthcare Alliance Corporation for TRICARE West. Currently, and through the end of 2023, Humana Military is the contractor for TRICARE East, and Health Net Federal Services is the contractor for TRICARE West.

You should know which region you are in based on the state that you live. However, if you live in these states:

  • Arkansas
  • Illinois
  • Louisiana
  • Oklahoma
  • Texas
  • Wisconsin

you will be changing from TRICARE East to TRICARE West. The changes will begin in January 2024, and if you are affected by them you should be notified of what you can expect.

Only certain TRICARE plans use regions:

  • TRICARE Prime
  • TRICARE Prime Overseas
  • TRICARE Select
  • TRICARE Select Overseas
  • TRICARE Young Adult
  • TRICARE Reserve Select
  • TRICARE Retired Reserve

If you do have one of these plans you can find out more information about regions on the TRICARE Region page.

Other positive changes to TRICARE coming in 2024 are:

  • More efficient referral transfers between the two regions 
  • Greater provider network flexibility
  • Improved beneficiary choice
  • Enhanced telehealth appointments

Hopefully, these changes to TRICARE make everything a bit better for everyone.

TRICARE Plans

There are actually quite a few different TRICARE plans depending on what you want to have, how your service member is serving, and active duty status. As you can see, there are many different TRICARE plans out there.

  • TRICARE Prime
  • TRICARE Prime Remote
  • TRICARE Prime Overseas
  • TRICARE Prime Remote Overseas
  • TRICARE Select
  • TRICARE Select Overseas
  • TRICARE For Life
  • TRICARE Reserve Select
  • TRICARE Retired Reserve
  • TRICARE Young Adult
  • TRICARE Plus
  • US Family Health Plan

If you are active duty, you can choose between TRICARE Prime and TRICARE Select. Some families do this because of what they have access to or if they want to see a certain provider that wouldn’t be possible to see if they stayed on Prime. If you are overseas, you would of course need to use the Overseas options. As a National Guard family, we use TRICARE Reserve Select, and we would not be eligible for TRICARE Prime unless they are activated.

If you are unsure about what plans you can qualify for you, check out this nifty TRICARE Plan Finder. You enter your information and the results will tell you what you need to know.

How much does TRICARE cost?

Curious about TRICARE costs? Use this tool to figure out what they would be based on the type of TRICARE plan you have and your sponsor’s status.

There is a lot about TRICARE to be overwhelmed about, but reading up on the differences and using the tools that are provided can make things a little more clear. I have been using TRICARE for almost 18 years now and I still haven’t quite figured it out.

7 Creative Ways to Speed Up a Military Deployment

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7 Creative Ways to Speed Up a Military Deployment

There comes a time during everyone’s deployment when time stands still. You could be coming off a few good weeks, and then boom, time stops. It feels like they have been gone forever, and yet you still have so much more time to go. What is a military spouse to do? Here are 7 creative ways to speed up a military deployment, help move things forward, and enjoy life even when your spouse is away.

Volunteer for something fun!

Volunteering can be good for the soul, and being able to help out an organization, or people in your community is a good thing. Find something you would love to help out with. Look for opportunities in your local civilian and military communities. VolunteerMatch is a great website for finding places in your community that need volunteers.

Plan a trip with a friend

Do you have someone you would want to travel with? Do it! Plan a trip with a friend. I did this during our 2nd deployment and it was so much fun. We both had young kids and were able to help each other out while making memories together with one another and our kids. A trip always breaks up a deployment. You don’t even have to go too far. Pick somewhere in your state and get to planning.

Plan a party

Did the deployment hit the 50-day mark? The 100-day mark? Plan a party! Plan a Bunco night! Find something you love to do and invite people to join you. Don’t want to have a party in your house? Check on your local community center to see if you can rent the space or invite people out to your favorite restaurant. Parties are fun and fun makes the time pass a bit quicker!

Find a new job

Maybe you have been at the same job for a while, maybe it is time to move on. Switch things up and put some applications out there. There are organizations like Hire Heroes USA and Military OneSource that can help you on your employment journey.

Write about your experiences

Why not write about your experiences as a military spouse and what it is like going through a deployment? You can start a social media account to share your thoughts, start a blog, or even write a book. We all have a story to tell, and by sharing ours, we can help other military spouses along the way.

Refresh your house

Deployments are the perfect time to refresh your house. Plan a house project. This can be anything from repairing a room or buying some new art to put on the walls or remodeling a bigger space. Don’t forget to use your Lowe’s and Home Depot military discounts when buying supplies for your home projects.

Read a really long book you can’t put down

Find a good, long book, and dive in. Or better yet, find a good, long book series. You will get hooked and not want to put the book down. Reading can be such a great way to get through a deployment.

While there is no real way to fast forward through the months of deployment, there are things you can do to speed up a military deployment. Stay busy, find new friends, and get creative. Not only will doing so help during the deployment but it is good for your soul and will allow you to live a more balanced life.