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Where You Go, I Will Go: Lessons From a Military Spouse by Victoria Terrinoni 

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Do you know what I love the most? Hearing military spouse stories! I feel like we can all learn from one another. We have been through so many similar situations, and we can relate to what we have all gone through.

We can learn so much from military spouses that have come before us. They all have wisdom to offer us and we can learn so much from their own experiences.

Where You Go, I Will Go: Lessons From a Military Spouse by Victoria Terrinoni is the story of a 31-year military spouse. Victoria talks about everything she experienced over the years, from all their moves to deployments, to her feelings about retirement and living in their post-military house.

Victoria sent me her book for review and I just loved everything she brought to the book. We get to hear her story and she also gives us little lessons based on what the chapter was about.

If you are new to military life and wonder what the years might bring, Victoria can give you a picture. Through her story, you can learn about what you might experience and how you can truly thrive during this life.

And if you are a more seasoned spouse, I am sure you will be able to relate to many of her stories and lessons learned over the years.

From Amazon:

Your significant other just announced they joined the military. After getting over the shock, you have questions, lots of questions.

What is it like living in the military?

What happens when my spouse deploys?

How do I handle moving all the time?

This honest and insightful book will give you an inside look at a military spouse’s life and help you navigate the system. Readers will learn the joys and pitfalls of being married to the military.

The writer dispels some myths about the military lifestyle and highlights the lessons learned along the way. This book will help you figure out what you can do to combat the loneliness you feel every time you move to a new place. How lost you feel trying to deal with a totally different system than anything else you’ve dealt with before. It also helps you learn to use military-speak, a language of its own.

Where You Go, I Will Go takes you on the author’s 31-year journey as a military spouse to show you are not alone in this. She also points out her biggest mistakes, so you don’t make them as well.

Where You Go, I Will Go gives you the basics you need to:

  • · See how a move is supposed to go and how they actually turn out.
  • · What to do to ease your child’s confusion with these life changes.
  • · Where to go for support, especially during a deployment.
  • · What do all those acronyms mean?

By reading this book, you will find lessons to help you throughout your military career while getting an insider’s view of the fun times and the hard times of military life.

What’s stopping you from learning the ropes from someone who has been there?

You can purchase your own copy on Kindle or in paperback on Amazon.

To the Gold Star Spouse…

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I see you. I see you sitting there, trying to hold everything together. I see you, wondering how you are sitting where you are. Wondering how this could be your new normal.

Your pain is probably indescribable right now. You lost him, and one of your worst fears came true. And now you are here, ready for the ceremony to begin.

Your children are by your side, they are too young to understand, or maybe they are not too young? Maybe they will remember this day, the day to honor their daddy.

You start to think about what you will tell them about this day, about what happened, about how things used to be. You will tell them about the stories he used to read, about the jokes he used to make. You will tell them about how you two met, your first date, and the day he asked you to be his.

You feel your family and friends surrounding you, but you know they will never truly understand what you are going through. You wish you could explain, but you can’t, and hope that someday, maybe you will.

The past week has been unreal, and you feel like your life is unraveling. What your life uses to be will no longer be. Everything changed and you know that your life will always have a line down the middle it, before and after.

As the ceremony begins, you thought you would be able to make it through but you break down and are immediately surrounded by hugs from your family. Everyone watching wants to take the pain away, even if there is no way to do that for you.

Music is played, and the traditions begin, and still, you can’t believe you are here. You try to listen to what is being said but all you can think about is your husband, and how many of the things about him you will miss.

And then it is time, time for the part you saw in pictures plenty of times, the part you never really thought you would have to endure. A man in a uniform is standing in front of you, he hands you something and for one second you think he shouldn’t be, that this is all a mistake, that this all really isn’t happening.

“On behalf of the President of the United States, the United States Army, and a grateful nation, please accept this flag as a symbol of our appreciation for your loved one’s honorable and faithful service.”

And you take the flag and know in your heart how much of a hero your husband was, but you also know that knowing that won’t stop the pain.

As then it is over, the ceremony is over and your friends and family are there to mourn with you. You hear stories about a friend of his you had never met before but knew him during one of his deployments. You see a friend you only knew casually through playgroup, who just wants to give you a hug. You see his father break down, and know that he is dealing with the loss of his son, as only a father does.

As you get in the car, with your son by your side, your daughter in front with her own parents, you wonder how you will ever move on from this. Life has changed forever, and nothing will ever be the same.

So, to the Gold Star Spouse, know that no matter where you go or where you are, the military community has your back. We care and we mourn and we wish you didn’t have to go through this. We aren’t always sure what to say and maybe we will say something stupid but we know that your husband died a hero and he will always be in our hearts.

We will think of him always, of the jokes he told, of the smiles he gave, of the way he talked about you and his family. We will remember him when we think of his bravery and we will never forget the sacrifice he made for his country.

We will think and pray for you often, for your children and we will celebrate small wins with you as you figure out your way through this new normal.

We will tell you, “thank you for your husband’s service” and do our best to honor him through the years, in whatever way we can.

Here is a list of resources to help support Gold Star Spouses and Families:

“What we have once enjoyed deeply we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.” – Helen Keller

New in the SWCL Shop!

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The SWCL Shop was started in 2021, to bring my designs to the marketplace.

I have created a store on Zazzle to offer my designs and memes on magnets, stickers, prints, and more! Perfect for your military spouse life.

This post contains affiliate links!

Here is what you can find in the shop!

When Military Life Isn’t Fair

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When Military Life Isn't Fair

Military life isn’t fair. It really isn’t.

One of the mistakes I made going into this life was thinking military life might be fair. I know life isn’t fair but I guess I just assumed that the Military would be. The military is structured and organized, right?

I thought that if you turned your paperwork in on time, you would get a quick response. Nope. Sometimes you have to wait because so and so went on a two-week vacation. Other times your paperwork gets lost or sent to the wrong department. You really have to be on top of what needs to get done.

We stopped getting our BAH once because we didn’t send in a rental agreement, only no one told us we needed to, and figuring out what the was problem took some time.

I thought that if you went through one deployment, you would get a break on the next one. Nope. How often they deploy depends on the unit and luck. Two soldiers can enlist the exact same day in the exact same MOS and have a completely different career path.

You can control some of this, but not everything. Sometimes what happens is just random and that is hard to get over when you think there should be some sort of fairness to this type of life. I learned that fairness has no place in a deployment schedule. Or in military life in general. That is just the way it tends to work.

Through the years I have learned that sometimes you just have to hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

I have learned that you just can’t plan everything out based on what you think should happen. You can’t even plan based on what has happened in your spouse’s career in the past. Things change a lot and you really just have to go with the flow.

I am such a planner. I want to know what is going on, what time it is going on, where it will be happening and what I need to do to prepare. Military life makes this hard sometimes. Often times you get little notice for something.

Some military families only get a short notice before they have to move. Others go through the deploying one week, not deploying the next to end up deploying anyways. The whiplash is hard to take. And can happen over and over again.

I had to let go of the idea that everything will lead to a nicely wrapped future. I don’t think that is true for anyone. If I could go back in time and tell myself anything it would be that.

I would tell myself that things will happen that I have no control over and that I just have to roll with the changes. I think life would have been a little bit easier if I had realized that in the beginning. This was a hard lesson for me to learn, but over the years, as I became a more seasoned military spouse, I started to understand the realities of military life.

If you are new to Military life and you are already feeling the unfairness of it all, take a step back.

Realize that military life is going to be this way sometimes. That the best thing to do is try to roll with what is going on, vent to those who understand, and figure out a way to get through the difficult situation.

Look for the good benefits that this life brings, they are there. If it wasn’t for the Military, I wouldn’t have met the friends I did or traveled to the places I was able to go. I would be a different person and I am not sure I would be as strong.

Try not to be jealous of others. Be happy for them because you never know what might happen in the future. Try to enjoy the journey as best you can. Find friends who get what you are going through, depend on family who wants to help you, and try to support others when you can.

Military life isn’t far, even if you think that it should be. Military life is filled with twists and turns, ups and downs, good times, and bad. You just have to work to find a way to make this life work for you, even if that means taking all the struggles one day at a time.

5 Things To Remember When You Are Having A Bad Day

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5 Things To Remember When You Are Having A Bad Day

Sometimes life just sucks. It gets frustrating. You are going about your business, expecting a certain outcome and something gets in your way.

You have hopes and dreams and then realize they will be harder to achieve than you first thought. You just want to get through the day without feeling sad but you can’t help your emotions. This happens to all of us.

Whether you feel that way is because of your family, career, or even a failed friendship, life can feel really difficult sometimes. When you get bad news you want to just curl up in your bed and try not to think about what is going on.

Bad days are hard but when you have one, try to remember this…

Tomorrow is another day

You never know what it will bring. Saturday could be horrible but that doesn’t mean that Sunday has to be. Focus on the positive things that have happened to you recently and have hope that tomorrow is a much better day.

Most likely it will be and the sad day won’t last forever. Most likely, the next day will bring more good things than bad. And that is something to look forward to.

You are not alone

There are others going through what you are. There are others going through much worse. This isn’t the first time that whatever has happened to you has happened.

Many people have come before you and gone through it before. If you are dealing with a certain issue, talking to someone who has gone through that issue before can help. They can give you some perspective and tips on getting through it.

When it comes to military spouses, we have been through it all. We understand what it is like to miss someone so badly, we understand what it is like to have to say goodbye to a good friend, we understand what it is like to have to prepare to send someone to fight in a war.

Take a breath

Sometimes stopping and spending time by yourself can really help you get your mind in a better place. Writing in a journal and saying some prayers can go a long way in making life a little better. This is especially important if you find yourself overreacting about certain things.

Taking time for yourself can allow you to calm down and get to a more peaceful place. Find things you like to do, whether that is reading a good book, messaging a friend, or even going for a long walk. Taking care of your own needs can help you get back on track and give you the perspective you need to keep going.

Stop comparing

Comparing yourself to others is a hard habit to break. This can happen a lot within your military spouse life. Watching someone else’s spouse come home before yours can trigger this. Watching another military family PCS when you wish it was you can cause jealousy.

Comparing your situation with others, or getting stuck in a jealousy cycle can really make for a terrible day. Try to think of what you have and not what you don’t. Focus on what you have going on and what is in store for you.

No, maybe you don’t get to PCS right now like the family down the street but your time will come, and until then work on trying to bloom where you are currently stationed. That can make all the difference in your mood.

Be Flexible

One of the biggest reasons someone might have a bad day is because things didn’t go as planned. If you can be flexible about your desires, you have a better chance of letting them go. Think about all of your options and go from there. Remember that your first choice might not even be the best choice and there could be better things ahead.

Bad days are the worst. Not being able to share them with your spouse when they are gone can make them even more so. Try to do what you can to get yourself out of your funk. It will be worth it and you will feel much better about whatever problem you are dealing with.

If you do find yourself with too many sad days in a row, or that you can’t get away from them, make sure to seek help. Military One Source has some good resources to help.

What do YOU do to feel better when you having a bad day???

7 Things You Can Do With Your Kids When Your Spouse Isn’t Home On The Weekend

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7 Things You Can Do With Your Kids When Your Spouse Isn't Home On The Weekend

When your spouse is away, the weeks might be a bit easier for you if you have small children at home. They have school or playdates. You have your routines. You have things to keep you busy.

However, once the weekend comes, it might just be a different story. Having your spouse gone during the weekends whether they are deployed, gone for training, CQ, or have a job that takes them away is very difficult. What works during the week might not work on Saturday and Sunday.

Most of the time, the weekends are family time. From BBQing to going out to eat together to exploring your city, for most people the weekends are time off from work and a time to connect as a family. With social media, you are very much reminded of this, even if you don’t want to think about it.

The key to getting through a deployment is staying busy, but the weekends can be a bit of a struggle with finding the balance between staying busy and not doing too much. You might have kids that need some downtime from a busy week. You might need that downtime to sit and chill.

Finding that balance isn’t always easy and finding at least one or two things to do during the weekend is probably a good idea during any time of separation with little kids. They need to get their energy out in some way.

Here are some great ideas for activities you can do with your kids if your spouse is gone on the weekends:

1) Get together with a friend whose spouse is away too. This can be hard when you don’t live in a Military town but still, ask around. Someone’s spouse could be away for work or for some other reason. Some spouses work weekends and although they are home at night, they can’t make any plans with them either.

Getting together with a friend is also a great way for your kids to stay busy and have fun with other children. Invite them over or get together at a park to keep it simple.

2) Attend a community event. Every community usually has something going on you can go to. Here in the Ft. Campbell area, there are usually at least 2-3 events going on either on post or off that we can choose from. Sometimes they can get canceled for the weather but more often than not there is always somewhere fun to take the kids. Even if you go for just an hour or two, getting out of the house and into the community can be worth it.

3) Go for a long walk or bike ride. This can usually be done as a solo parent depending on the ages of your kids. If they are young enough, put them in a stroller and go. I once went on a 5-hour walk when my boys were very young and just took them out in the double stroller. Five hours was a bit much but that long walk was a great way to pass the time. We saw so many fun things along the way.

4) Dollar Store Shopping. I did this during Spring Break but doing this can work on a boring weekend too. Give each child $1, take them to the dollar store and let them pick out something to play with. Giving them that money gives them a chance to make a decision, it’s a lot of fun and then they will be busy the rest of the afternoon or even into the next day. Usually, the toys they pick won’t last too long but they only cost a dollar.

5) Go to the movies. This one can get a little more expensive than you might want. If you are lucky enough to have a cheap theater in your area, take advantage of it. Find a movie that all of your children will enjoy and go. The kids will love getting out to the movies and you can help keep the “I’m so lonely and sad” feelings away.

6) Call your mom or a friend. Sometimes when the weekend gets too hard, I like to call my mom. She can always make me feel better and catching up with her is always a nice thing to do. If you can’t call your mom, try a friend or another family member. Even if you just talk for a little bit, the conversation can change the tone of your whole day.

7) Go to the park. Parks are really the best when you have little kids. Most parks are free. If you live on post, you already know you have access to many of the. Don’t forget the snacks! Your kids can get out their energy, and maybe even make friends. And you can always stop for ice cream on the way home.

I hope if you are feeling the lonely weekend coming on you can pick something from this list to keep you going. Bring a camera with you and take some pictures to share with your service member. You all will have fun and they will enjoy seeing what you guys have been up to while they are away.

Do you struggle with weekends too?

It’s Okay Military Spouse, It’s Really Okay, I Have Been There

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It's Okay Military Spouse, It's Really Okay, I Have Been There

When you first became a military spouse, you may have wondered how in the world you were going to one, figure everything out, and two, get through everything you would have to get through. You might look to other more seasoned military spouses and wondered what their journeys might have been like and if they can all relate to what you are going through.

The truth is, while we might all have our own military paths, we military spouses can relate to one another. We have been through hard things. We have had to figure out how to become more independent than we may have ever thought we would have to be. We had to get creative sometimes and figure out ways to make it through.

If you are a new military spouse, or maybe going through something new during military life that scares you, know that it’s okay Military Spouse, it’s really okay and I have been there.

I have waited months and months to see my husband because of paperwork.

I have given birth without my husband in the same country.

I have missed best friends getting married and having babies because of the Army.

I have had to say goodbye to my husband more than once not knowing if I would ever see him again and if I did if he would be the same person that I married.

I have had to watch as friends got that knock. The one that changed their lives forever.

I have had to watch friends as the husband they loved and adored become a completely different person because of PTSD and decided he no longer wanted to be with them or their children anymore.

I have said goodbye to friends that have become like family to me and know I might not ever see them again.

I have had to sit and wonder during a blackout knowing that my husband was probably okay but also not knowing why the blackout was going on.

I have sat with a group of wives while our children played and we tried to figure out how we would get through the next 3-4 months of a deployment that was supposed to have ended the month before.

I have been through the lonely nights, the jealousy of knowing our civilian friends have never had to go longer than a few days without their spouses, of being mom and dad to the kids, of comforting sad children that just want their Dad at a soccer game.

I have been through the situations that come with military life and although going through them made me a stronger person, I do wonder what I would be like if I hadn’t had to deal with all of this. I wonder if some of my struggles and what I personally have to work on are because of the years of war and I am not really sure what I can do with all of that.

Because life as a military spouse is up and down.

Because life as a military spouse is so much harder than anyone could ever predict.

Because life as a military spouse can be filled with so many twists and turns, ones that you might never have thought about before.

So if you are a military spouse feeling alone, like you are not the only one. You are not.

If you feel like your emotions are all over the place…know that so many of us have been through that too.

If you feel like you aren’t cut out for this life, know that so many of us have felt that too, wondering how all of it will play out.

If you feel like you are hanging on the edge, reach out for help, to other military spouses, organizations, or counselors.

As military spouses, we are asked to sacrifice so much, and that is never going to be easy. As military spouses, we might feel like we are never going to catch a break. As military spouses might feel defeated when we just want to feel strong.

But as a military spouse, something we don’t have to feel is alone.

We are a community, and we can work together to get through the hard stuff and celebrate the good stuff.

We are a community and can help one another out, either at our same duty station, or 1,000 miles away.

We are a community, and each of us loves the service member we decided to spend our lives with, even if it means that hardships will follow.

We take the good and the bad, and figure out how to make this life work.

It’s okay Military Spouse, it’s really okay and I have been there. And so have so many others that have come before. Remember this, and you will never have to walk the military spouse road alone.

You Are Not Alone: Encouragement for the Heart of a Military Spouse by Jen McDonald

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You Are Not Alone: Encouragement for the Heart of a Military Spouse by Jen McDonald

Exciting news!

Jen McDonald’s book, You Are Not Alone: Encouragement for the Heart of a Military Spouse has an updated version!

Since its first publication in 2016, You Are Not Alone has resonated with military spouses, both new and experienced, and ranked as a bestseller in the Military Family and Christian Devotionals categories. Each of the 30 daily readings is written from the perspective of faith.

Readers will find practical tips (“Basic Training for Spouses”), related Scripture, and journal prompts for further reflection. Whether it’s a deployment, move, the challenges of military spouse life, or raising military kids, you’ll find real-life inspiration and hope from someone who’s been there. The 2022 edition has been updated and reformatted for a better reading and journaling experience, along with having a beautiful new cover design. It will be coming soon on audiobook, as well!

Jen McDonald sent me a free copy of the book for review, and I wanted to share a little bit about the book.

First of all, I love how the book is set up. There are 30 days of readings and each day starts with a quote. There is then a bit of a story section, and then actionable advice. This is followed by a scripture, and then some questions to ask yourself. The chapter ends with a prayer.

There are 7 parts:

  • My Identity as a Military Spouse
  • Military Spouse Friendships
  • Military Marriage
  • A Life of Transition: Moving With the Military
  • Dealing With Military Seperations and Deployments
  • Military Family Life
  • God is There in the Small Moments

She has also included some amazing resources in the back of the book.

I would have loved to have read this book as a new military spouse. Back then, I needed all the encouragement I could get. I still do sometimes today!

If you are interested, Jen is also hosting a book study, You Are Not Alone: Encouragement for the Heart of a Military Spouse in the Christian Military Spouses Facebook group that started Feb. 9, and anyone is welcome to join. She will be giving some behind-the-scenes insight and comments on each section as well as providing extra questions and journal prompts.

You Are Not Alone: Encouragement for the Heart of a Military Spouse by Jen McDonald is published by Little Things Press and is available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and other book outlets.

Whether you are a new military spouse, have been one for a while, or even getting ready for the retirement years, this book will encourage you, allow you to put things in perspective, and have a better military spouse life.