Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Julie

Importance of Your Mental Health 

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Happy to have this guest post by Heather! Want to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life? Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know! I take pieces on anything milspouse related, from deployment tips to duty station reviews.

Importance of Your Mental Health 

Taking care of yourself can look different for each person. Maybe you show self-care by getting your nails done, taking a girl’s trip, or simply taking a warm bubble bath with no interruptions (if that’s possible). Each of us finds something to help relieve our frustrations or stress the best that we can and the best that we know how. Regardless of what you choose to do, taking care of yourself and your mental health should be a top priority. 

Here are some tips to help get yourself into a habit of taking care of your mental health! 

  1. Love Yourself and Be Compassionate 

First and foremost, remember to love yourself and give yourself compassion. Many of us are hard on ourselves, dwell on our past choices, or simply beat ourselves up. Don’t punish yourself, instead learn from your experiences and make them a lesson. Give yourself gratitude for things you do throughout the day. Maybe you painted a room or took a shower for the first time in three days. Celebrate that! The one voice you are going to hear every single day is yourself. Be compassionate to yourself. Give yourself that positive talking and learn to love yourself. We teach our children to speak kindly to others, so we should do the same to ourselves. 

  1. Recognize Triggers 

Throughout our life experiences, we develop triggers that are associated with mostly negative events in our lives. For example, during my first deployment, I had a special ringtone for when my husband would call. Anytime I heard that specific ringtone I immediately forgot all things I was doing and would immediately find my phone to take his call as they were few and far in between.

Even after his return when I hear that ringtone it immediately triggers me into panic mode to find my phone. To help with this, I have changed the ringtone on my phone. This is a simple example of a trigger, but it is important to recognize what triggers you so that you can work on not being triggered especially if it is associated with negative memories. 

  1. Create a Routine

From an early age, we are introduced to routines or a schedule of events based on the time of when things will happen. Think back to elementary school when we knew what time we had naps (I miss this), lunch, bathroom breaks, etc. Very similar to how children need a schedule to help them with their day, so do we as adults! To help get yourself into the flow of the day, make a routine for yourself that includes the fun things you enjoy.

Maybe you have a full-time work schedule and you are also the housekeeper and caretaker but you want to go to the gym. Write out your schedule and see where you can plug in a time for the gym. Maybe you are feeling depressed and having a hard time getting up to complete a task. That’s okay! Try writing out things you would like to get done or need to get done like laundry, grocery shopping, reading a book, or taking a walk. We have smartphones that can help us with our calendars and routines to help get us moving. Utilize this! Remember, small steps and celebrate the things you did!

  1. Find New Ways to Help Your Mental Health 

Find things that bring you joy and add it to your day! Maybe you really enjoy physical activities like biking, running, kayaking, or kickboxing. Do it! Maybe you are wanting to start a new hobby like gardening. Do it!

From 2020 into 2021, I was looking for things that made me happy to benefit my mental health. I found out our duty station happened to have an on post gardening club. How amazing is that?!  I did all the reading and researching I could and decided to rent my own garden plot. I spent many hours in the garden digging new beds, weeding (mostly), and planting new vegetables.

Even if this was trial and error, my mental health improved so much! Listening to the birds sing, the outdoor fresh air, and the excitement of a tiny seed I planted coming to the surface. The sense of growing something, even if it didn’t survive, felt so great! New hobbies are a great way to help with our mental health and provide an outlet for our creativity or freeness of the mind.

Overall, you know yourself better than anyone else. Be true to yourself, love yourself, do things that make you happy! For many of us who wear many hats in our household, it is hard to remember to take care of ourselves too. You are important, loved, and you got this! Remember to celebrate things you do every day and give yourself some positive talks. 

The SWCL Shop

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The SWCL Shop was started in 2021, to bring my designs to the marketplace.

I have created a store on Zazzle to offer my designs and memes on magnets, stickers, prints, and more! Perfect for your military spouse life.

This post contains affiliate links!

Here is what you can find in the shop!

Top 20 Fiction Books of 2021

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Top 20 Fiction Books of 2021

Last year was a GREAT reading year for me. I had the goal of reading 100 books and I read 112. This was the first time I had hit my goal of 100 books for the year. As the year wrapped up, I wanted to figure out what my top books were in 2021. I couldn’t narrow down my list since I read so many amazing books during the year, so for fiction books I have a list of my top 20. All of them were 5 stars for me!

This post contains affiliate links!

  • #20 Surviving Savannah by Patti Callahan – this novel is a dual timeline with one time in the 1800s, about a ship that sank off the coast of Savannah, called the “Titanic of the South” and modern times where Everly, a researcher, tries to figure out the mysteries of the ship and the sinking. I loved the dual timelines and the history of Savannah in this one.
  • #19 We Were Never Here by Andrea Bartz – this book was about best friends Emily and Kristen who take annual trips around the world. They are in Chile and Kristen ends up killing a man in self-defense. The odd thing about this is, something similar happened the year before, to Emily. This was a fast-paced thriller, making you wonder what is going on the whole time.
  • #18 People We Meet on Vacation by Emily Henry – Poppy and Alex have nothing in common, but they are the best of friends. They take a vacation together every summer…until two years ago when they ruined everything. I loved this romance and the timeline.
  • #17 The Black Kids by Christina Hammonds Reed – This story is about a black high school student in LA in the 1990s. She and her friends just like to have fun but everything changes when the four LAPD officers were acquitted after beating Rodney King. I loved this one because although I was about an hour away from when this really happened, I do not have the same perspective of what it meant as the main character, Ashley, has in this book.
  • #16 The Last Summer at the Golden Hotel by Elyssa Friedland – This is the story of two families, the Goldmans, and the Weingolds, who have owned the Golden Hotel together in the Catskills. However, the Catskills have changed, and so have the families. Can the hotel be saved? This was such a fun summer read!
  • #15 A Court of Mist and Fury by Sarah J. Maas – This is the 2nd book in the ACOTAR series, which starts off as a Beauty and the Beast retelling. The 2nd book was my favorite in the series, and I loved it so very much!
  • #14 When the Stars Go Dark by Paula McLain – This book is about a missing girl in Northern California in the 1990s. This book takes place close by where I used to live and mentions the real-life Polly Klaas case that happened in Petaluma in 1993. This is a must for any true crime fans!
  • #13 28 Summers by Elin Hilderbrand – In the summer of 1993, Mallory inherits a beachfront cottage on Nantucket from her aunt. She then agrees to host her brother’s bachelor party. His friend Jake attends and a bond is formed that lasts decades. I loved how this book went year to year from the 1990s to modern times, sharing the story of Mallory and Jake.
  • #12 Malibu Rising by Taylor Jenkins Reid – Nina is the daughter of legendary singer, Mick Riva. It’s 1983, and the day of her annual end-of-summer party. The book is all about Nina, her parents, and her siblings, all coming together on an unforgettable night. I loved how we got to go back and forth from the party to the Riva’s past, and learn about their family dynamics.
  • #11 The Inheritance Games by Jennifer Lynn Barnes – Avery Grambs just wants to get through high school, but all that changes when billionaire Tobias Hawthrone dies and leaves her almost all of his fortune. Only, she has no idea who he is. I loved the puzzles and mysteries with this one.
  • #10 The Nature of Fragile Things by Susan Meissner – Sophie is a young Irish immigrant, who answers a mail-order bride ad and agrees to marry a man she has never met who needs a mother for his 5-year-old daughter. This all takes place around the time of the 1906 earthquake in San Francisco. I loved this book because of the setting and the characters. Susan Meissner is one of my favorite authors too.
  • #9 Yellow Wife by Sadeqa Johnson – Pheby is born on a plantation in Virginia and has lived a pretty sheltered life. She is shielded because of her mother’s position as the medicine woman on the plantation. She is then forced to leave her home and finds herself at the infamous Devil’s Half Acre, a jail in Richmond. This book was tragic and heartbreaking, but such a good read and an important story to be told.
  • #8 Kindred by Octavia E. Butler – Dana, a modern black woman is celebrating her birthday with her new husband when she suddenly goes back in time to the Antebellum South. I love this story of time travel and survival and the realities of the past.
  • #7 Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir – Ryland Grace is the only survivor on a desperate, last-chance mission. If he fails, humanity is doomed. Except, he doesn’t know any of this and can’t even remember his name. This book drew me in and I didn’t want to put it down. What a fantastic story!
  • #6 Falling by T.J. Newman – This heart-stopping novel is about a pilot whose family gets kidnapped and he is given a choice. Crash the plane and save his family, or not and they die.
  • #5 The Lighthouse Witches by C.J. Cooke – Two sisters go missing on a remote Scottish island. 20 years later, one is found, only she is the exact same age she was when she left. I loved the setting of this book as well as the plot.
  • #4 Legendborn by Tracy Deonn – 16-year-old Bree Matthews ends up in a residential program for bright, high school students at UNC-Chapel Hill after her mother dies in an accident. She soon finds out there is something magical going on there. This one was such a great story, within the setting of an older college. I can’t wait for the next book in the series!
  • #3 The Four Winds by Kristin Hannah – Elsa Wolcott, who is looked at as too old to marry in 1921, meets Rafe Martinelli, and decides to change the direction of her life. It is then 1934, and the world has changed. Elsa works tirelessly to help her family survive and has to decide to fight for the land she loves or travel to California to find a better life.
  • #2 From Blood and Ash by Jennifer L. Armentrout – Poppy has been chosen from birth to be a Maiden. The entire Kingdom is on her shoulders. But…that isn’t what she really wants, is it? I LOVED this fantasy book and so glad it is a series.
  • #1 The Love Hypothesis by Ali Hazelwood – Olive Smith is a 3rd year Ph.D. candidate who doesn’t believe in long-lasting romantic relationships. Adam Carlsen is a young hotshot professor. Olive convinces him to become her fake boyfriend. I loved this romantic comedy so much! 

What did you read in 2021? What were your favorite books???

Finding Your Place, In the Military Spouse World

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Finding Your Place, In the Military Spouse World

We have all been the newbie military spouse. The one who really didn’t know how to navigate this life. The one who had all the questions.

But as time goes on, as you go through a deployment or two, have a PCS under your belt, you realize you are no longer the newest military spouse on the block. You realize that you actually have the advice to offer and you are working to find out your place.

Now you are trying to figure out your place in the military spouse community.

How involved do you want to be in the military spouse community? What can you offer? How do you make sure you are not ignoring your own dreams during military life?

The truth is, finding your place in the military spouse world depends on so many things. From where you are first stationed to what you left behind when your service member joined or when you married them. It depends on the goals you have for yourself, and how involved the military is in your life as you try to achieve them. And this isn’t the same for everyone.

As a new military spouse, I arrived in Germany with an 18-month-old and got pregnant again right away. I was trying to navigate military life as a SAHM in a 3rd-floor stairwell apartment in Germany. My life was pretty much 100% little kids and military, without much room for anything else. The military was in charge of so much of my life.

Moving back to the US four years later, we finally had a little more space between us and the military. Choosing to live off post allowed us a little more space as well as simply being stationed in the U.S. versus overseas. It’s just a very different type of military experience.

Finding your place in the military spouse world is going to be so different depending on who you are and your own experiences.

There are different “roles” you might find yourself in. And you may or may not want to stay there. They might not be a good fit.

The truth is, finding your place in the military spouse world is all about what you feel comfortable with. Some military spouses want to be as involved as possible. They volunteer for the FRG or other on post events. They seem to know a lot about military life and can direct you if you have a question or tell you where you can go to get an answer.

Other military spouses take a back seat to the military world. They stay away from post as much as possible. They work, live, and spend their free time away from the military. They have more of a hands-off as much as possible approach.

And then, there is everyone in between. The reality is, there is no right answer on how to military spouse. You should be involved as much you want to be or as little as you want to be. And your spouse’s rank shouldn’t even be a factor.

We, military spouses, should never feel like we have to run an FRG meeting or set up a spouse’s group. We should do so because we have a desire to do so. We should do so because that is what we want to do, not because it is expected of us.

We, military spouses, have the right to focus solely on our careers. Solely on our children and homes. Or solely on both without worrying too much about the role of the military in our lives. Doing so isn’t for everyone.

We, military spouses, have to find our place, and we get to decide how involved we want to be.

We get to choose, and being able to choose leads to a healthier military spouse community.

I am so thankful for the military spouses who have stepped up. So many have come before us and have said, “no, this isn’t okay” and they work to change things. I am so thankful that the military spouse norm of the past isn’t the norm anymore. That we have so much more freedom than previous generations.

But, will the military itself catch up to modern times? What can change to make a better military life balance for everyone? Both spouse and service member?

Even though I live by a large Army installation, most of my interactions with other military spouses seem to be online these days. Maybe this is due to the pandemic, or maybe just the way modern life is. As modern military spouses, you can reach out to anyone from the comfort of your own homes.

The military community is online, with so many resources at our fingertips.

We no longer have to attend an in-person event in order to get that information we might need to thrive in our military spouse life. We can connect to other spouses, through Facebook groups, TikTok accounts, and Instagram.

We can share our stories and know they will be seen by military spouses worldwide. We can offer advice to a spouse in another branch, stationed somewhere we will never go. The world is truly changing.

Military spouses have always been about community, and there have always been roles for us within that community. But things are changing, and what worked 10-15 years ago, might not work today. Modern military spouses are able to focus more on their own goals and are not as held back because of the military.

Hopefully, no matter how long you have been a military spouse, you are able to figure out where you fit within the military spouse community. And hopefully, whatever your choose to do, no matter how involved you want to be, it is respected. By other spouses, by your service member, and the bigger military as a whole.

How did you find your place within the military spouse world?

Our Trip to Disneyland Using the Disneyland Military Discount

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It has been 3.5 years but I took my boys back to Disneyland the first week of 2022, and we had an amazing time!

We bought the 3-day military salute tickets, and here is how it went!

A trip to Disneyland

First of all, this is what we did to get the tickets and get ready for our trip. Now, as someone who grew up at Disneyland, the idea of reservations completely freaked me out. The idea of planning freaks me out. You don’t have to plan very much for Disneyland. You just show up. But things are different now.

  • I went to the travel office at Fort Campbell and purchsed four 3-day Disneyland tickets. I got a print out of each ticket with a bar code.
  • I then pulled up the Disneyland app and added these tickets to the app, and made reservations for the dates we wanted. As these are hopper tickets, meaning you can go to both parks, whatever park I chose was the park we had to start at and we could go to the other one after 1pm each day. We had a day starting at Disneyland, a day starting at California Adventure, and another day back at Disneyland. Ideally I would have loved to spread out our dates but since you can’t use the salute tickets from December 16-December 31st, we had to go three days in a row in January as school started back the 6th.
  • When we got to the park, we got in the front gate line. When we got to the front of that line, the guy was able to scan our tickets from the app, took our pictures, and gave us each a card to use for the rest of our trip. When we came back the next day, or when we switched parks, we just had to show the gate person that card.
  • Keep in mind that you have to purchase your tickets before you get to the park. This is a change from before when you could walk up and buy them that day. You also have to have a reservation for each day for every person in your party. You can check on the Disneyland website if your dates are avaliable. I do think most dates are and you are probably good as long as you don’t wait until right before your trip to reserve them.

That was basically it! If you want more of the details on the price, where to buy your tickets, and all that, head on over and read Disneyland Military Discount or for Disney World, Disney World Military Discount.

Now, let’s talk about our days at Disneyland!

Day one was Disneyland. My brother was able to go with us, which was so nice. It was great to spend that time with him, especially at a place we have a lot of childhood memories at. We had passes to Disneyland from when I was about 10 until I left for college. So many amazing memories. The best was when my mom would wake us up and surprise us with a trip to Disney.

Our Trip to Disneyland Using the Disneyland Military Discount

We got to Disneyland about 7:15 am, parking wasn’t an issue although it was $30. There were no trams so we had to walk, which really wasn’t a huge deal. It was kinda fun as we got more and more excited the closer we got.

There was a bit of a line at the front gate and then we were in. We knew where we were going to go first, the place everyone was looking forward to…Galaxy’s Edge, Star Wars Land! When we were at Disneyland in 2018, they had started building this new land and that got us super excited. Our plan was to head on over to the Rise of the Resistance. They did not have a virtual queue for the ride, so we had to wait the 90 minutes standby.

Our Trip to Disneyland Using the Disneyland Military Discount

You can read more about Galaxy’s Edge here!

After Star Wars Land we went back into regular Disneyland and did a lot of our favorite rides. The Haunted Mansion, Splash Mountain, and Pirates of the Caribbean.

We decided to have lunch at the Hungry Bear Restaurant. We always eat at least one of our meals here. Have since I was a kid. I LOVED bears as a kid and this place was perfect for a bear loving kid. They have burgers and chicken sandwiches.

https://soldierswifecrazylife.com/we-loved-galaxys-edge-at-disneyland/

After lunch, we split up a bit and went on more of our favorite rides. We headed back to Star Wars Land a few times. Everyone loved it so much, and that Blue Milk…we LOVED it!

One of the strangest things about our visit was the line for snacks was out of control. I have never seen them so long. Like 20 minutes for a churro. And I couldn’t seem to order any food on my app. I am not sure if it was the places I was trying to order from or something wasn’t working right but that was pretty frustrating.

Our Trip to Disneyland Using the Disneyland Military Discount

For dinner that night we had such a yummy fried chicken dinner at the Plaza Inn. So good!

We were planning to stay until midnight, but we only made it to 10 because well, two of us are in our 40s…but we gave it a good try. Our feet were so sore at the end of the night but all the walking was worth it.

The next day we were going to go to California Adventure, I let the boys sleep in and had breastfast with my parents and brother before we went so we ended up getting to the park at about 11. Our first ride was Guardians of the Galaxy, which is such a cool yet strange ride. And then we explored the new Avengers Campus. Very cool and we started talking about ways they could expand it.

Our Trip to Disneyland Using the Disneyland Military Discount

We had lunch in Cars Land which I think is so fun, and then used the single rider line for the Radiator Springs Racers. If your kids are old enough to ride by themselves, always do the single rider line. It was only about 10 minutes and the regular wait time was about two hours.

We went on a few more rides but I started to get pretty frustrated. It was so crowded. I don’t even think it was that crowded when I went in previous years July. I found that so weird because I thought one of the reasons for the reservation system was fewer people. I just wanted to go back to Disneyland.

Our Trip to Disneyland Using the Disneyland Military Discount

We decided to head to Downtown Disney for a bit, my middle son got a cool Lego set at the Lego store, and then we took the Monorail back into Disneyland, which my kids have never done before so that was fun. We split up again, I headed to the Starbucks because I really wanted a Disneyland Starbucks cup, and the boys headed into Tomorrowland.

We met back up, did Toon Town, and back to Star Wars Land. We headed home about 7 and got dinner on the way home.

Our Trip to Disneyland Using the Disneyland Military Discount

The next day we got to Disneyland about 9 or 10 and decided to start with Fantasyland. That was fun because I haven’t been on a lot of those rides in a long time. We ended Fantasyland with It’s a Small World and then had lunch in Star Wars Land. It was SO good! More about that in my Star Wars Land post.

We started the afternoon with Indiana Jones and the Jungle Cruise, which we all loved. Then we had a plan to wrap up our visit. We would do Splash Mountain, then head on over to Star Wars Land to ride Rise of the Resistance one more time. But, when we got there…they were shut down! Oh no!

This kind of broke our hearts a little so we had an early dinner at Hungry Bear again and decided to round out the trip with one last ride on Pirates of the Caribbean. That ride always makes me feel so good and I love the smell. Yep, the smell. If you know, you know.

Our Trip to Disneyland Using the Disneyland Military Discount

By the time we were done, I was done. I was good. I had my fill of Disney and don’t feel like I need to go back anytime soon. I am not sure if it is because I am older, or the crowds, what is going on in the world right now, or what but I just didn’t feel like I normally do after a visit. I had such a good time and made some amazing memories with my boys but not sure when we will do it again.

We decided not to pay for Genie+ even though I know that could have saved us time in the lines. I am not sure how I feel about Disney charging for a fast pass type system. Maybe it is just going to be one of those things we have to do at Disney, cost or not. We will see.

Our Trip to Disneyland Using the Disneyland Military Discount

Have you ever been to Disney? When do you plan to go again???

We Loved Galaxy’s Edge at Disneyland

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During the first week of 2022, we did three days at Disneyland using the Disneyland Military Discount!

We Loved Galaxy's Edge at Disneyland

We had so much fun but one of the biggest highlights of the trip was Galaxy’s Edge at Disneyland! Galaxy’s Edge opened in 2019 and you can find it in between Fantasyland and Frontierland. It was the first thing we did when we got to Disneyland and we were all in awe.

The first thing we noticed that we thought was pretty cool was the tunnel you enter to get into the new land. It starts off with lights from Frontierland and transitions to Star Wars lights. I felt like I was walking onto a Star Wars movie set as we headed into Galaxy’s Edge.

We Loved Galaxy's Edge at Disneyland

There were quite a few shops in Star Wars Land. My son loved the Droid shop and was able to get a red one. He had so much fun putting it together. You can buy so many different Star Wars-type things from stuffed animals to lightsabers to shirts and other fun toys.

We also loved the Blue Milk. My oldest did try the Green Milk which had a more citrus taste to it. The Blue Milk tasted like a creamy smoothie. I want to try to make one at home!

We Loved Galaxy's Edge at Disneyland

As far as rides go, the Rise of the Resistance blew us away. I wasn’t totally sure what to expect but it was really fun. The cast members were all in character and it was great to experience it. The wait was really long for stand-by but it was worth it. The Millennium Falcon: Smugglers Run was also a fun ride where you help fly your own ship with a group of people. This one is easy to do as a single rider, but you might end up on a ship with no one from your party.

We Loved Galaxy's Edge at Disneyland
We Loved Galaxy's Edge at Disneyland

We ate one meal in Galaxy’s Edge, at Docking Bay 7 Food and Cargo. It was one of the best meals I have ever had at Disney. I ordered the Endorian Roasted Chicken Salad, which was marinated chicken, mixed greens, roasted seasonal vegetables, quinoa, and pumpkin seeds, tossed in green curry ranch. The boys got the Fried Chicken Tip-Yip Youngling meal, which was crispy chicken, macaroni and cheese, and seasonal vegetables. They thought the chicken was fun and like the chicken in Minecraft because it was square. The setting was also really cool and felt exactly what a restaurant in Star Wars would be like.

We were not able to experience the Cantina, which I heard was pretty amazing.

We Loved Galaxy's Edge at Disneyland

We were all really impressed with the new land and curious to see what else they will do with it. I couldn’t stop staring at all the features. We also caught some storm troops and Kylo Ren. Right now characters have to stay behind a barrier but someday it would be cool to see them walking around the land. I am also curious to see how Galaxy’s Edge in Disneyland compares to the one in Walt Disney World. Someday I hope I will find out.

Have you ever been to Galaxy’s Edge either at Disneyland or Walt Disney World?

For The Military Spouse Who Lost A Loved One This Year

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For The Military Spouse Who Lost A Loved One This Year

In February of 2017, we lost my SIL unexpectedly. Over the years since, we have lost other family members. So many of us have.

The holidays can bring up a lot of emotions. You think about how this is the first time your loved one will not be there for the holidays. The first time you won’t be able to wake up and see them Christmas morning. The first time you won’t hear their voice on the phone when you call to wish them Merry Christmas.

You might be going through a deployment, without your spouse by your side to lean on during this time.

You might already be feeling lonely, and now you are dealing with a hole in your heart for your missing loved one. This can all be so hard to deal with. This is when writing in your journal, writing letters to your spouse, and staying busy will help.

You might be in a new city, missing your group of friends. You depended on them after your loss, you still need them, but they now live states away from you. You don’t know anyone well enough to confide your sadness is.

You might be struggling to know how to act after the loss. You might not be the closest person to the one who passed away, but you still feel their loss. You want to reach out to those who are closer, but you are not sure how to do so.

So for the military spouse who lost a loved one this year, I understand.

Your loved one is missed, by so many. Even if you think you are done mourning, the holidays can make it feel like you were not. Know that you are not alone, that others know what you are doing though, and talking about your loved one is okay.

Know that going through the holidays without them will seem strange, especially if this is the first one. It will seem like someone is missing and rightly so, someone is. You might have pictured this year differently than it turned out and that in itself is hard to come to term with.

Reach out to your loved ones and mourn together.

Understand that some might be having a harder time with their loss than others do. Some might not be able to make it through the holidays without a lot of support. Some might feel like they took a few steps back in their grief.

And if that person is you, know that you can get through this season too. That your grief is understandable, that your loss is very real, and that no one expects you to treat this holiday the same as you have in the past.

After a loss, you have to adapt to a new normal. You have to figure out how to go on without them. And this isn’t always easy. The holidays can be a reminder of what you lost and what you no longer have.

Every new memory you make is a reminder of what they are missing.

So to you who have lost someone this year, do what you can to have an enjoyable holiday. Tell your closest friends and family what you are struggling with. Find ways to honor your loved one especially.

Life is filled with good and bad things. Some years will be harder than others. Know, you are not alone and that you will figure out ways to get through the holiday season.

How do you cope with losing someone during the holiday season?

Missing You, On Christmas

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Missing You, On Christmas

Another Christmas and yet you are gone, across the ocean, serving our country.

We knew this was a part of the deal, and yet, that doesn’t make it any easier. You are gone, away from us, and all we want for Christmas is you.

As the days get closer to the 25th, my heart feels a little less thrilled with the idea that we are so far away from one another. There is something about this holiday, more than any other, that you should be home for. And yet I know, the military doesn’t work like that. Life doesn’t work like that.

I know as a military spouse, just because I want them to be home doesn’t mean they will be. Just because I think they should be home, doesn’t mean they can be. I have to go with the flow, even if that flow hurts.

As I set up the Christmas tree, I can’t help but hold back a tear. I can’t help but think about the year before when you were here for all this. When you were right by my side as we decided on where each ornament should go.

As I set up the Christmas tree, I think about how hopefully you will be with us next year, and the year after, and the one after that. I hope and pray you never have to be over there during Christmas again. But how realistic is that type of prayer?

As I start to buy presents for our young children, I think about how you won’t be there to see them open them. To see the joy on their faces, and hear them laugh and get excited about Christmas morning.

I think about how I will make sure to record everything so that you don’t miss a thing, but you will anyway. That is just how it is. A million photos never make up for being there, no matter how many you take.

I think about how on Christmas Eve, it will just be me getting everything together. It will just be me putting the kids to bed in their cute Christmas PJs, and just me making sure the cookies and milk are out for Santa. It will just be me pouring some eggnog and watching a Christmas movie late into the night.

We will be missing you on Christmas.

As a military family, we have missed you so many times over the years. You have missed birthdays and anniversaries, and all the little things that make life special. And yet, I can’t help be feel like this is the road we have to be on. That you are a soldier, and I choose to follow you, even if it meant a Christmas away from you. Even if it meant missing you.

I think about how much you have given to this country. And how much more you will give. There will be more times apart, and more Christmases spent in different time zones.

But as I think about missing you on Christmas, I also think about how we can get through this, just like we have before.

You won’t be here for Christmas day, but we will be thinking of one another all the same. That is what we military families do. That is all we can really do when we are hit with missing each other so much.

Christmas won’t be the same, it can’t be, you are not here. But Christmas can still be special and we can still make some memories.

We are missing you on Christmas, as you are missing us. But we will get through this time apart. We always do and make it to the other side.