Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Military Life

When Your Spouse Wants To Re-Enlist in the Military and You Don’t Want Them To

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It’s almost time for your spouse to re-enlist, decisions have to be made, and you feel like it is time to walk away from military life. However, your spouse does not agree and would love to do 20+ years in the military.

What should you do?

What can you do?

Is it even fair to them to say you don’t want them to re-enlist?

Breathe

First of all, take a breath. This is a big decision and not a simple one, and while this is your spouse’s career, you both need to be involved in planning your joint future. What you decide will affect you the spouse, and your children or any future children you might have. The decision to re-enlist in the military shouldn’t be taken lightly.

Ask yourself why

Ask yourself why you don’t want them to re-enlist. Break it down. Is it the solo parenting? Is it the up and downs of military life? Is it because you want to focus on your career and that is hard to do so with a spouse in the military?

Figuring out why you don’t want them to re-enlist is important. Make sure to talk this all over with your spouse. Let them know what you are afraid of. Let them know why you want to walk away.

Can you compromise? 

Can they re-enlist for three more years with the plan to re-evaluate at that time? No one signs up for 20 years at a time. Can you make a plan that he will serve for a certain amount of time, and then you will go back to school? Can you agree to try to be stationed close to home if possible?

Sometimes you have to suck it up

At the end of the day, sometimes you just have to suck it up. What people in this type of situation do is going to be different for each couple, for each person. There are different reasons why people want to walk away from military life, and only the couple can decide if they are worth giving up a military dream.

For some couples, this means the spouse will have to work out how they will handle more years of military life. For others, it means the service member will need to find another way to pursue their career goals. There isn’t one hard and fast rule for every couple.

If you find that you and your spouse are arguing about this and can’t seem to come to a good conclusion, it can be a good idea to seek extra help. Any marriage is going to have times when a decision has to be made about the future, and the couple isn’t always going to agree right away. Communication is so very important here, as well as keeping everyone’s feelings and desires in mind.

What To Do When Your Spouse Wants To Re-Enlist And You Don't Want Them To

There are situations when a couple can not agree on this, and sometimes a marriage will end over it. Other times, there will be a lot of hurt and frustration on both sides. A service member who doesn’t feel supported by their spouse, a military spouse that doesn’t feel like their spouse understands why they can’t do this anymore. Those situations can be so difficult and are never easy to navigate.

While I can’t tell you what to do in your own marriage, I can help with dealing with the frustrations of military life. Life as a military spouse isn’t easy, and you have to work hard to figure out ways to make it through.

This doesn’t make you weak but allows you to be strong.

What has worked for you when you have felt like you just wanted your spouse to get out of the military? What are your best tips for someone who is dealing with all of this?

To My Military Spouse Friends, You Are The Best

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As a new Army wife, I didn’t know a whole lot about the military lifestyle. Sure, I knew the basics, but standing at our first duty station in Schweinfurt, Germany, I had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. I can remember standing there, watching a group of soldiers going by, and knowing everything had changed for us.

I was lucky though. Within those first months of being an Army wife in Germany, I found friends. I found other spouses who not only knew what military life was like but going through the same thing I was. We were all getting ready for a deployment, a first deployment for many of us and we knew we could do it together.

I honestly am not sure what I would have done or how I could have gotten through that deployment without my military spouse friends.

Although things were not always perfect, and there was drama, of course, there was drama, having people to go through a deployment with helped us all make it through what would turn out to be one of the longest and hardest deployments.

Over the years, I have made friends at every step of the way. From my best friend in Germany to my current circle here at Fort Campbell. From military spouse bloggers to some of the amazing people I have met through my blogging in all parts of the world.

In MOPS this last year I was able to speak about 3 am friends. You know the ones. The people you could call at 3 am when life was falling apart. The people you could depend on during your most difficult times. The people who made this lifestyle so much better.

I am so thankful for the 3 am friends I have made over the years. Knowing you have someone to call when you might need something, knowing you have that person, it’s an amazing feeling and helps so much living this military lifestyle. From a friend who watched my two-year-old while I was in the hospital with my 2-month-old, to my friend that always let me vent about how frustrated I was that my husband kept getting deployed.

So to my military spouse friends, you are the best.

You are the ones who have made deployments go by that much faster. From making plans together to being able to vent about not being able to talk to our husbands. From having our kids play together to helping each other out with childcare.

You are the ones who let me know that I can, in fact, get through what I need to get through. Your strength inspires me. When I feel weak, you can make me feel strong again and that I can handle whatever this life throws my way.

You have made me laugh when things were crazy, and let me cry when life got too hard. And I hope in return I have done the same when you needed that pick me up. We, military spouses, can help one another out, even in the darkest of times.

To My Military Spouse Friends, You Are The Best

So, to my military spouse friends, thank you.

Thank you for letting me be me. Thank you for your friendship and your love. Thank you for caring, and thank you for always being there.

Many years from now, when military life is over, I will look back and think of all of you. Of all the fun memories we made, of all the struggles we got through together, of the different dreams and talks and experiences we had.

How have you made friends along your military spouse journey? 

Dealing With Disappointment During Military Life

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Have you ever planned a vacation only to have to cancel or reschedule it because military dates changed?

Have you ever given birth when your husband was deployed because they simply wouldn’t send him home like you thought they might?

Have you ever wanted to be stationed close to home only for your spouse to get orders clear across the country?

Most military spouses have been through one or all of these disappointments not to mention others that can happen when you are a military spouse. Dates change, your spouse can’t always be around when you need them, and you don’t always get a choice in where you are going to live.

What can you do when disappointment hits? How can you turn things around to get to a better place? 

Shock

When met with disappointing news, you will probably be in shock. They say to “hope for the best, plan for the worst” and we know things might not work out the way we want them to, but we still hope that they do. And then when they don’t? We can’t believe we are hearing that news.

If you feel shocked when you realize things are not going to be the way you want them to be, you are not alone. It’s normal to feel this way at first. You had the hope of a better outcome, and now you have to start to accept your new reality, and that isn’t always easy to do.

Dealing With Disappointment During Military Life

Sadness

After shock comes the sadness. You are going to have to move to Alaska even though your family lives in FL. Your husband is going to deploy right before your 30th birthday. Your family trip to Walt Disney World will have to be postponed by six months.

You might need to take a moment to cry into your pillow. You are allowed to be sad about this; you are allowed to have those emotions. Let things out, call a friend and vent, have a good cry, and then move on to planning.

Planning

Every time I get some disappointing news because of my husband’s job, I eventually find myself coming up with a plan. I know that I will need to be creative to move forward. I will need to figure out a way to get through whatever it is I am dealing with.

If it is a matter of an unexpected deployment, I try to figure out what I can do during that deployment to stay as busy as I can, I think about how the deployment pay can help us, and I think about extra things I can do that I might not have time for if he wasn’t going to be deployed.

Being able to have a plan to deal with the disappointment will go a very long way in finding relief.

Dealing With Disappointment During Military Life

Relief

Relief happens when you get to a place where you feel like you can figure out a way forward. It might not always be easy, you might not always be happy about what happened, but you can figure out how to get through it.

If you assumed your husband would be at the birth of your first child and they are not, you are going to go through a wave of emotions about it. You will eventually figure out who you want with you because he can’t be. And then you will start to accept that this has to be your new normal. And with that comes the relief that you can, in fact, give birth without your husband. 

You Got This

Remember, you got this. Reach out to your friends, make plans, and figure out how to deal with disappointment in your military life.

Disappointments will happen in military life. They say to write all plans in pencil because all plans can change, no matter how close you are to the date they are supposed to happen. We as military spouse want to support our service members and getting to a place where we can move forward is a good way to do so.

What do you do to get over disappointment during military life?

The Secret to Not Hating Your Duty Station

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Have you ever lived in an amazing place and still hated being there? Maybe it was Hawaii? Or Europe? Maybe it was a place you thought you would love but now that you have been there a few years, you really can’t find the love? Maybe you are trying to bloom where you are stationed but coming up short?

Hating your duty station is a thing, and some places get a worse wrap than others. On the other hand, I know plenty of people who have been stationed at places like Fort Polk, Fort Bliss, and 29 Palms and loved their time there. Yes, they did.

So why do some people hate a perfectly decent duty station and why do others love the more unpopular places? I have a theory on this. I know the secret to not hating your duty station. It is part of the reason why sometimes I love living near Fort Campbell and sometimes I don’t. It is why some people love Bliss, and others hate Germany.

The secret to loving your duty station is finding your people.

Sure, there are always exceptions to this. You grew up in Florida, you hate the snow, and now you are at Fort Drum. Your entire family lives on the East Coast, and you are in Alaska for three years. Your house sucks, and your husband has been deployed way too many times since you got to this duty station.

But even in those situations, finding your people will help you.

Having a friend group is going to change things around for you. Having people to connect with, hang out with, and to call friends is going to make you fall in love with almost any duty station, no matter how much you hate the weather.

The Secret to Not Hating Your Duty Station

Think about it.

You PCS somewhere new. You are not sure what to think. You never even thought you would live in that state let alone this part of the country. You feel lost, like you will never fit in.

You worry you won’t find your tribe. That you won’t find people, who get you. That you will have to do this by yourself, all by yourself.

But then, you meet another spouse who loves to read just like you do. And she has a two-year-old too. Maybe you don’t have any kids but you have three dogs, and you find out your neighbor has three of her own. You get invited to a playdate and realize that you may have found your people. You have figured it out. Things are looking up.

When you connect with others, when you have people to make plans with, when you do not have to walk this military road alone, something happens. You start to feel better, you start to feel like you belong, you realize that no matter how much you didn’t want to come to Fort Whatever You Now Live, you can start to call that place home.

The hardest part about finding your people is taking the steps to find them.

Because sometimes that can take a while. Sometimes the first people you meet are not going to be your people. Sometimes giving up and trying to be okay without friends is the easiest thing to do.

But…this is not the best plan.

You need to find people. You just do. Your spouse is going to deploy eventually. And if they don’t they will probably have to go somewhere at some point.

The Secret to Not Hating Your Duty Station

You will want people to text in the middle of the day, to hang with. People who share the same fears you do, and can help you through your struggles.

So if you hate your duty station, before you write the place off, have you found your people yet?

If not, choose to try to do that. Commit to get out there and meet new people. Keeping trying until you do, the struggle with be worth it.

If you have children, look for a local MOPS group. MOPS stands for Mothers of Preschoolers. You don’t just have to have a preschooler though. A typical MOPS group is for newly pregnant women through women whose youngest child is in Kindergarten. MOPS Next is for those whose youngest child is in the 8th grade. They have childcare for your kids, and you will be able to meet other moms to connect with.

If you are religious, check out the chapel for programs. There are Bible studies, book clubs and even events for kids.

If you like fitness, look for a local work out or running group or join a gym and take some classes.

If you like to read, look for a book club.

If you are new to your duty station, check out the newcomers class, you might meet some new people there.

If you have free time, check out the volunteer opportunities on post as well as in your civilian communities.

If you want to connect with military spouses in the FRG, go to a meeting, see what is going on there. You could end up with a great FRG that would be a fantastic resource for you.

If you have school-aged children, get involved in the PTO or PTA.

If you don’t have children, see if there is a child-free Facebook group at your duty station you can find people to connect with.

There are so many different ways to meet other people no matter where you live. Sometimes duty stations in the middle of nowhere make finding other people easier than in bigger places. You have to depend on each other more, and the community is a closer-knit one.

While meeting new people, you might run into drama and frustrating situations that will make you want to stick to your own home, but don’t let that stop you from finding your people. You need them and trust me, not everyone is awful, even if it feels like it sometimes.

Change things up, go to new places, join a new job, and keep trying because once you figure out the secret of not hating your duty station, you might just fall in love with the place.

Jack Daniel’s and the ASYMCA’s Operation Ride Home Initiative

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The Jack Daniel Distillery and the Armed Services YMCA (ASYMCA) have begun the 13th year of their “Operation Ride Home” (ORH) campaign. This initiative helps over 1,000 junior-enlisted service members and their families travel home during the holiday season. Since its start in 2011, nearly 13,000 people have benefited from this program.

Jack Daniel’s, consistent in its support, has donated $100,000 this year. They encourage people to contribute to the cause by visiting operationridehome.com.

The Tennessee Whiskey distillery, along with its business partners and the public, has raised almost $3 million. This funding assists active-duty, junior-enlisted military personnel, and their families in traveling from their duty stations to homes across the country. But for every service member and family helped, there are ten who are waiting, according to ASYMCA officials.

ASYMCA works with military commands to identify and prioritize junior-enlisted service members and families facing financial need. The program supports service men and women from the Army, Marine Corps, Navy, Air Force, Space Force, and Coast Guard, enabling them to travel to all 50 states through various means, including airline tickets and pre-paid debit cards.

“Operation Ride Home has provided life-changing experiences for these heroes and their families, and it is a true honor and privilege for all of us at Jack Daniel’s to help get them home,” said Chris Fletcher, Jack Daniel’s Master Distiller. “For so many of our junior-enlisted, the cost of travel is out of reach for them, but this assistance helps ensure they’ll be where they need to be during the holidays – at home with family, friends and the ones they love.”

“For the last 13 years, the Armed Services YMCA and Jack Daniel’s has made home for the holidays a reality for junior-enlisted service members and their families,” said ASYMCA CEO Bill French, VADM, USN (Ret.) “This gift means so much to these deserving military families, and it would not be possible without the generosity of Jack Daniel’s.”

Jack Daniel’s was officially registered by the U.S. Government in 1866 and is based in Lynchburg, Tennessee. The Jack Daniel Distillery is the first registered distillery in the United States and is on the National Register of Historic Places. Jack Daniel’s is the maker of the world-famous Jack Daniel’s Old
No. 7 Tennessee Whiskey, Gentleman Jack Double Mellowed Tennessee Whiskey, Jack Daniel’s Single Barrel Tennessee Whiskey, Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Honey, Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Fire, Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Apple, Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Rye, Jack Daniel’s Sinatra Select and Jack Daniel’s Country Cocktails. Today, Jack Daniel’s is a true global icon found in more than 170 countries around the world and is the most valuable spirits brand in the world as recognized by Interbrand.

The Armed Services YMCA (ASYMCA) is the oldest military support organization in the United States, founded in 1861. The ASYMCA’s mission enhances the lives of active-duty junior enlisted military members and their families in spirit, mind and body through programs relevant to the unique challenges of military life. In 2022, the ASYMCA engaged nearly 200,000 individuals and delivered more than 550,000 points of service through its 12 Branches and 24 Affiliate Partners, serving 89 military installations across the U.S. To learn more about how the ASYMCA is “Strengthening Our Military Family(R)” visit www.asymca.org.

And make sure to always drink responsibly!

What to Think About Before You Marry a Service Member

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Whatever situation you are in or whatever situation you have been in, you did have to make the decision to become a military spouse. You had to decide that YES, you wanted to spend your life with someone who is in the military. That YES, you wanted your future to include the military.

So, what does being married to someone in the military mean? What would life be like to marry your boyfriend who is now a soldier? What does it mean when your husband of five years wants to join the Marines?

What would it mean to marry the person you are in love with knowing that marrying them meant moving across the country and living as a military spouse?

Here are some things you need to think about when trying to make this decision:

Saying Goodbye Will Be A Part Of Your Life

No matter who you are or what type of military spouse you are, you will have to say goodbye and often. You will have to sleep alone. You will have to wait for orders and your future.

This is all a part of military life. How long they are gone and how often they will go can vary but the truth is, you will have to say goodbye to your spouse on a regular basis. And it is not an easy thing to do.

You Will Have To Be Away From Home

If your spouse is going to be going Active duty military, you most likely will have to move away from home. In some cases, you can try to stay if your home is near a military installation or if your spouse does some type of duty that allows him to live close by to where you are from.

However, in most cases, you will not be able to stay there for their entire career and you will have to move away. You could end up across the country, across the world, or just the next state over. You never really know and sometimes you don’t get a say, especially as they move up in rank.

The Kid Thing

Ahh, kids. When you are thinking about the future and having kids, do you think about how your spouse might not be there? It’s a sad reality that they might miss your pregnancy, the birth, and the 1st year.

They could miss the terrible 2s or kindergarten. They could miss out on so much and sometimes there is nothing you can do about that but accept that. Can you handle that?

Here is a secret. You might think you can’t handle that, but…you might be surprised what you can do when you love a member of the military.

I thought I couldn’t do that part of military life, not at first. In the end, I have been able to get through it, and at some points, it was even harder than I thought. But in the end, I just do what I have to do.

Some military couples don’t plan to have kids while in the military. Their plan is to have them later on in life and that is an option as well. But that also depends on how long they want to stay in and when the couple wants to start their family.

Solo parenting is quite challenging, but you will find that you are not alone when you have to do it. So many military spouses will be solo parenting with you, which makes things a bit easier.

The “D” Word

Your spouse might deploy for just a few months at a time. They might deploy for a year. They might have to deploy off and on for years.

There is no way to sugar coat a deployment. They are rough, from the pre-deployment stage to after they come home and everyone tries to get back to normal life. If there are no deployments, there will be trainings or other reasons they have to go away for weeks or months at a time.

The Community

I have talked about the difficult parts of military life. The parts that make it hard to want to commit to this life. The reasons some people get out of the military before they thought they would. But what about the good things about military life?

As hard as this life gets, you won’t be alone in going through your challenges. There is an amazing military community out there. Many other spouses have gone through what you are going through.

Other military spouses get this life and can offer a listening ear. You will make some of your closest friends as military spouses. Friends that will help you through solo parenting, deployments, pcsing, and even retirement.

Is It Worth It?

Is military life worth it? Is your love worth it? Only you can answer that.

Only you know what you can handle and what you can’t.

I will tell you that if in your heart of hearts that you know you should be with this person, and that walking away from them is not an option, you can find ways to make it as a military spouse.

So many of us are doing it right now, taking military life one day at a time. And we are here to support you in your own military spouse journey.

What are you most worried about when it comes to committing to military life?

The Truth About Military Life, In 30 Military Life Memes

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The Truth About Military Life, In 30 Military Life Memes

Military life is truly an adventure! Over the years I have found myself in different situations, going through different challenges and meeting some of the most amazing people. Here are 30 memes that talk about the truth of military life. Enjoy these military life memes!

Military Life Memes

Yes! Sometimes we have to take those deployment days one day at a time!

 

Military Life Memes

Summer block leave is the best!

 

Military Life Memes

Such is military life!

 

Military Life Memes

The reality is, summer is always hard to plan.

 

Military Life Memes

Yes, I thought Prom was it, but now there is the military ball!

 

Military Life Memes

Because they are always worth waking up for…

 

Military Life Memes

So true. They don’t care. The homecoming dresses are for us.

 

Military Life Memes

I am pretty sure I still have stickers from 2006.

 

Military Life Memes

Yep. Don’t shop on payday, just don’t.

 
Military Life Memes

Yep! Just keep working towards that finish line.

 

Military Life Memes

For reals! At least we don’t have to share every night!

 

Military Life Memes

Yes, it is totally okay to cry sometimes. Totally.

 

Military Life Memes

Yep! Not all of us get to live near the beach 🙂

 

Military Life Memes

We all want to make a deployment a little easier!

 

Military Life Memes

You got this! PCS like a boss!

 

Military Life Memes

Yep! All the cereal, all the time.

 

Military Life Memes

Seriously! You really don’t know that far ahead of time.

 

Military Life Memes

Yep! Sounds about right!

 

Military Life Memes

So true. That’s hard, no matter what age your children are.

 

Military Life Memes

So true! We are always learning about military life!

 

Military Life Memes

Yes! That’s what military life is all about!

 

Military Life Memes

No, there really isn’t.

 

Military Life Memes

Seriously! If it’s not one thing, it’s another.

 

Military Life Memes

Sounds good to me! All of these things will help through those deployment days.

 

Military Life Memes

So true, that is the best way to make friends at your new duty station.

 

Military Life Memes

So true, especially in this military life!

 

Military Life Memes

Going through the stages, one at a time.

 

Military Life Memes

That is the best! You never know when you will see your military friends again and a new duty station.

 

Military Life Memes

Yes, remember, deployments don’t last forever.

 

Military Life Memes

Yes, yes we do need those military friendships.

Here are more military life meme posts to enjoy:

13 Memes About Military Spouse Friendship

22 Memes All About Military Marriage

14 Memes for Your Milspouse Life

12 Memes About Military Kids

The Veteran’s Spouse

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“This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave.”

—Elmer Davis

Veterans Day is always so emotional for me. Not just because of who I am married to but also because of all the other Veterans and their spouses who have come before us. All the men and women who have served and those who stood beside them. Veterans Day is a day to remember them and to thank those that are still with us.

The Veteran’s spouse is not a new role. As long as there have been people who are willing to sign up to join the Military, there have always been spouses who have stood beside them. They stood by as their husbands or wives went off to war.

Whether that meant fighting against another American in the Civil War, going to Europe during the World Wars, staying behind as they headed to Korea or Vietnam, or the “modern” Veteran’s spouse who watched their spouse join up during a time of war and knowing they would most likely be headed over to Iraq and Afghanistan fighting a war that might never really end.

Honor to the soldier and sailor everywhere, who bravely bears his country’s cause. Honor, also, to the citizen who cares for his brother in the field and serves, as he best can, the same cause.”

– Abraham Lincoln

We are strong, we have to be. We have to be there for our spouses. Stand behind them and be their rock. Through peacetime and wartime. Through a PCS or goodbye for a two-week training. Some have had to say goodbye and were not able to say hello again. Their spouse did not return. Some have stood by when they did return but as a different person.

Some have had to walk away from their marriage, some have stayed.

Some have stood by for 20+ years of Active duty life, others only needed to fill that role for a few years before their spouse moved on to a different career.

“It is the soldier, not the reporter, who has given us freedom of the press. It is the soldier, not the poet, who has given us freedom of speech. It is the soldier, not the organizer, who gave us the freedom to demonstrate. It is the soldier who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protester to burn the flag.”

–Charles M. Province

Military Spouses are strong not because we are made of something else. We are strong because we have to be. Because history wanted us to fill this role and we decided we could do it.

Being a Veteran’s spouse can mean a lot of different things. It always means that there is a story behind your spouse’s career and time in the Military. We don’t know all of it. We only know what they tell us but we do know there is so much more they could never share.

As a Veteran’s spouse, I belong to a community of people who are doing what I have done. Whether it was in the 1940s and all they got from their soldier was a letter in the mail to those who can video chat every day.

We might all have had different types of experiences but one thing is clear, we are the spouses of those who have signed up to serve their country. We are the ones left behind and the ones they come home to. We are a part of history and we will always be there to help those who come after us.

“The willingness of America’s veterans to sacrifice for our country has earned them our lasting gratitude.”

– Jeff Miller