Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Deployment

25 Reasons To Not Go Home For A Deployment

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25 Reasons To Not Go Home For A Deployment

25 Reasons To Not Go Home For A Deployment

One of the most popular topics that come up in military spouse circles is if you should go home for a deployment or stay where you are. There are a lot of different opinions on this issue from those who go home even before their spouse leaves to others who wouldn’t even go home to visit.

You need to figure out if going home for a deployment is right for you or if staying where you are is the better choice. In case you are trying to decide, here are 25 reasons to not go home for a deployment:

  • Because you love your home

When you love your own home, why would you want to leave it for an extended period of time?

  • Because you want to be around other military spouses

Going through a deployment with other military spouses can be a very good thing. You guys can support each other.

  • Because your kids are in school

When you kids start school, it is a lot harder to pull them out to move somewhere new. You want them to stay put.

  • Because your kids are involved in the community

Whether they like to play sports or are involved in local art groups, your kids might be really involved in your local community. Moving them when you don’t have to can be a big loss.

  • Because you would lose your house

In a lot of cases, if you move home for the deployment, you could lose your home. It’s possible that you can easily get a new home when you get back but you will still have to worry about moving your stuff out when you leave.

25 Reasons To Not Go Home For A Deployment

  • Because you don’t have a good place to stay back at home

If you don’t have a good place to stay back home, going back doesn’t make sense.

  • Because home is now where you live, not where your family is

When I say home, you might think where you live now, not where your family is.

  • Because you want to be involved in the FRG

The FRG can be a lifesaver during a deployment. You might be someone who wants to be involved in that. Leaving would make doing so a lot harder.

  • Because you like where you are stationed

If you like where you are stationed, you won’t want to leave.

  • Because you want to explore where you live now

During the deployment is the perfect time to explore where you live. Then you can bring your spouse to your favorite places after they get back.

  • Because your best friends live at your duty station

If you have best friends at your duty station, leaving them would make things harder, not easier.

  • Because your spouse would like you to stay

In some cases, your spouse might prefer you stay put. This is something to discuss and talk about so you can come up with the right decision for your family.

  • Because you want to be there in case they come home early

Sometimes deployments do get cut short and in that case, it can be hard to move back to your duty station in enough time. Staying put can avoid that.

  • Because you have a job

If you have a job, you will want to stay where you are and work on your career.

  • Because you are in school

School is important too. And moving home can complicate your educational schedule.

25 Reasons To Not Go Home For A Deployment

  • Because you have 100 house projects you want to work on when they are gone

Working on projects is one way to stay busy during a deployment. If you have projects you want to work on, stay in your own home and get them done.

  • Because you have pets

Uprooting pets isn’t the easiest thing in the world, and then you have to find a place where all of your can live.

  • Because you don’t get along with your family

Why would you want to move in with people you really don’t get along with?

  • Because you know you won’t get any support back home

If you don’t have a support system, the deployment is going to be a lot more difficult. You need that deployment support.

  • Because you have a good babysitter where you are now

Good babysitters are amazing. If you have one in your area, hang on to them and never let them go.

  • Because you feel safe where you are now

Feeling safe during a deployment is important.

  • Because you like living in a military community

Being in the military community can be what you need during a deployment. There is so much to gain from being in one.

  • Because you feel like you would go back a few years staying with your family for an extended period of time

Sometimes going back home makes you feel 17 again. If this is the case, going home for a deployment won’t be ideal.

  • Because you can always visit and don’t see the need to move

You can always visit home, maybe for a weekend or even a few weeks. You don’t have to completely move in to experience the benefits of spending some time with your family.

  • Because you simply don’t have to desire to spend the deployment anywhere but the home you and your spouse have created

At the end of the day, there are people that want to go home and others who don’t. Use this list as well as my list of 25 reasons to go home for a deployment to figure out what will work for you and your family.

What have you done during your deployments?

The Deployment Dread

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The Deployment Dread

Deployments! There was a period when deployments were my life. My husband was either preparing for a deployment, away on deployment, or newly home from one. It seemed like as soon as we had a few weeks together, they were talking about the next one.

This was exhausting!

Always feeling like I had to be prepared for a deployment started to get to me. That deployment dread, I hated feeling that way. I didn’t want to feel that way. But I also didn’t want to forget what was ahead.

This deployment dread is that pit in your stomach when you hear about your spouse going overseas.

The Deployment Dread

It is when you hear a name of a country on the news and realize that is where they could be headed. Deployment dread is recognizing that they are going to miss your son’s next birthday or the start of a new school year.

Deployment dread is not a good thing to have. But what can do you do about it? Here are some ideas!

Remember the benefits

Remember that there are benefits to a deployment. Some are financial, and some are emotional. Although most spouses would prefer their spouse not deploy, doing so can bring about positive changes in your home.

From paying off debt to your spouse being able to move ahead in their career. If you can focus on these things more than what they will be missing, dealing with the deployment dread will be easier.

The Deployment Dread

Focus on you

When you start to worry about the upcoming deployment, try to focus on yourself instead. What do you need to work on personally? What will you work on when they are gone?

For some this means going back to school, for others, this means working on a weight loss goal or even reorganizing their home. When you can come up with a list of deployment goals, you have something to focus on and get excited about even if your spouse is going to be away.

Enjoy your time together

Don’t turn the time you have together until the deployment starts into a depressing time. You will have break downs about a possible future deployment but overall, focus on spending time together. Make plans, have family time, go on dates, and talk about what you guys will do to connect the next time they have to go.

During the pre-deployment period, you might argue more than usual. This is normal but try not to let the arguing be your focus. Both of you are stressed because things could change soon. Work hard to make those memories together and enjoy all the time that you have before they have to go.

The Deployment Dread

Remember, this too shall pass

Whatever is ahead of you, remember, you will get through it. Time will pass. Days will go by. And no matter how hard things seem, you will make it through the deployment. Life is filled with ups and downs. Some years will be better than others. Deployment years are going to be more challenging than nondeployment years.

Sometimes the deployment dread can be a lot worse than when they actually leave for deployment. There are a lot of fears associated with a deployment. Some of them are valid, and some of them are not. Keep in mind that your upcoming deployment will probably surprise you, and at the end, you will look back and be amazed at what you have done.

The Deployment Dread

Connect with others

Find other military spouses to connect with. Whenever the deployment dread hits you, make plans with a friend or put something on the calendar where you can get out and meet people. Walking through the pre-deployment season with other spouses who understand will help you more than you realize.

Other spouses have been through this before and can give you good advice a long the way. And then, when the deployment starts, you will have people to depend on. You can help one another out, no matter how long the deployment might be.

Do you struggle with worrying about the next deployment even if there isn’t one on the calendar? How do you deal with it?

25 Reasons To Go Home For a Deployment

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25 Reasons To Go Home For a Deployment

25 Reasons To Go Home For a Deployment

Deployment is coming. What do you do? Do you stay in your current home, solo parenting and making the best of your situations or do you pack it all up, go back home and get through the months away in a familiar space?

I went home for three months of a deployment, and it was one of the best things I ever could have done. I am not sure I would ever go home for that length of time again, my kids are older now, but for that deployment, it was the right choice.

25 Reasons To Go Home For a Deployment

Here are 25 reasons to go home for a deployment:

  • Because you hate your duty station

Let’s face it, if you can’t stand your duty station, going home for a deployment might work out in your favor. Getting a break from a place you don’t want to be can be a good idea. Even just going home for a few months can help you come back, ready to start over at the place you will still need to call home.

  • Because you hate your living situation at your duty station

You might love where you live just not your physical home. Your apartment could be way too small, you might hate your on post neighborhood, or just can’t stand your current living situation.

  • Because you just had a baby

After having a baby, having an extra set of hands during a deployment is going to be a good thing.

  • Because your family is helpful

If your family is helpful, going home will be a good thing. They will help you find a place to stay and be there for you when you need them.

  • Because your best friend still lives there

When your best friend still lives in your home town, spending time with her can be a perfect thing during a deployment. She might not fully understand military life, but she will be the listening ear that you need.

  • Because it snows too much at your duty station

If you are not used to snow, driving in the snow, and living in the snow, being at a place where it snows can be quite difficult. Why not head for warmer temps if that is the case?

  • Because you miss the beach

There is something about the beach, especially if you grew up with it in your backyard. Being close to the ocean water can be quite therapeutic.

  • Because you want your kids to know your family

What better way for your children to get to know your family than living right there with them.

  • 25 Reasons To Go Home For a DeploymentBecause you want to show your kids what life was like when you were growing up

When I went home for those three months, I was able to do a lot of the things I did growing up with my own children. That was a fun summer and one I will never forget.

  • Because you don’t want to be around the military 24/7

Sometimes we just want a big old break from the military. Going home for a deployment is a way to do it.

  • Because you want to visit, but you would rather just stay for a while

Visiting can be good, but staying a while can make the visit even better.

  • Because it is hard for anyone to come visit you

When no one can visit you, whether that is for health or financial reasons, going to them might be the only way to spend time together.

  • Because your kids haven’t started school

If your children are not school aged yet, going home makes more sense than if they are. This might be the only time to go home for a deployment.

  • Because you homeschool and you can

If you homeschool, going home for a few months won’t mess up the school year like it would if they attended school outside the house. Take advantage of this.

  • Because you want to experience something different

Home might be totally different than your current duty station. That might be just what you want for this deployment.

  • Because you want to always have help with the kids

Going home can mean having quite a few people to babysit your kids. People you love, people you trust, and people who love your children.

  • Because your family misses you

When you are the branch of the family tree who lives far away, people tend to miss you. Going home for a deployment can help with this.

  • Because you can save money

Look at your financial situation, will going home save you money?

  • Because you can go to school easier

If you want to go back to school, moving home could make that easier.

  • Because you want to help your family

Your own family might need help from you. Going home for a few months can be a way to help out when you otherwise would not be able to.

  • Because your mom is a good cook and you are not

When you are missing her home cooking, having it often during a deployment isn’t going to hurt.

  • Because you know your kids would love it

If you know your kids would enjoy your time back home, it could be something to seriously think about.

  • Because you will be PCSing right after he gets back

For some, going home make sense since you will be PCSing when they get home from the deployment.

  • Because you suffer from anxiety

Suffering from anxiety during a deployment can make things more difficult. Going home can help with that.

  • Because your duty station never felt like home

Sadly, no matter how hard you try, your duty station might never have clicked with you. And going home for the deployment will be your best bet.

25 Reasons To Go Home For a Deployment

When trying to make this decision, remember that going home for a deployment completely depends on you, your family, and your situation. What works for one person might not work for another.

I hope this list will get you thinking about whether it is the right option for you or not.

Have you ever gone home for a deployment? How was it?

No, You Never Get Used To Deployments

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No, You Never Get Used To Deployments

No, You Never Get Used To Deployments

I am not sure when my husband will deploy again. During our last deployment, I thought that would be our last one. Then he joined the National Guard. And although we have not experienced a deployment with the National Guard yet, that could happen. So I have to think ahead and prepare myself.

When I think about him deploying again, I get that nervous feeling in my stomach. Even though I have been through deployments before, the next one will be completely different. My boys will be different ages; we will be in a different type of situation, he could end up going to a different type of place.

No, You Never Get Used To Deployments

You see, each deployment is its own experience.

Your first deployment might not be your hardest, your shortest deployment might prove to be harder than any other deployment. As most seasoned military spouses know, you never quite get used to having your spouse live away from you, in a war zone, fighting for our country.

Just because you have been through a deployment before, it doesn’t mean that you have every future deployment under control and that they won’t challenge you, because they will.

And although you will never truly get used to them leaving every so often, you will learn better how to get through those times apart.

You will figure out what works best for you and your family.

You will learn if counting down the days works for you or if you should just count down the months instead.

You will figure out how to stay busy, even if how you choose to do so changes during each deployment. You will learn about resilience, patience, and how to be more independent.

You will learn how to mow the lawn, take your kids to all their sports events alone, and how to stay sane when you feel anything but.

No, You Never Get Used To Deployments

You will figure out that what works for you for this deployment, might not work for you for the next deployment and could be entirely different from what works for your neighbor for her deployment.

You will figure out how to find people to get through the deployment with, even if that feels overwhelming at certain duty stations.

You will understand what your spouse needs from you while they are gone, whether that is a care package once a week or just to offer a listening ear when they call.

Over the years as a military spouse, you will figure out how to cope during deployments. You have to. If you don’t, you would never be able to make it through.

You will never get used to watching your spouse walk away, you will never get used to those lonely nights, and having to be both mom and dad to your kids. 

You will never get used to that last kiss, that last hug, and that last goodbye.

Your tears will always come, the first day will always be hard, and you will always wish that they didn’t have to go.

This is a good thing. This means that your spouse is someone special. That their presence in your home is a welcome one. That them being gone is not the norm, even if you understand why they have to go. That when they return, you will put the pieces back together and can be a full family once again.

No, You Never Get Used To Deployments

No, you never get used to deployments, but you can find support and rock the heck out of any deployment you will have to go through.

Although you start off feeling like a huge weight has been put on you, you will figure out how to lessen the stress and be able to find ways to thrive during your time apart. As the days go by, you will find yourself getting to a place where the deployment feels more manageable. Where you can see how you are going to get through the deployment, and how you can make the best of the situation.

How many deployments have you been through?

What to do When Your Spouse’s Deployment Orders Get Extended

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What to do When Your Spouse's Deployment Orders Get ExtendedWhat to do When Your Spouse’s Deployment Orders Get Extended

The summer of 2007 was a difficult one for us in Schweinfurt, Germany. Our husbands had been deployed since the August before, and things were starting to wind down on their deployment. Although their orders said 12 months, there was a lot of talk about them coming home in June of that year, making the deployment nine months.

That didn’t happen, and they said that the deployment would be a year. And then, one day, it became much more than that. My husband’s unit was part of the surge in Iraq. They would no longer be coming home in August. Their orders were extended for October which became November.

What to do When Your Spouse's Deployment Orders Get Extended

My husband returned home to us a little shy of 15 months. We had not seen him since R&R, 11 months before. To say this was a long deployment was an understatement. And it felt like the deployment would never end. Even when we got close, it got extended.

Having your spouse’s deployment orders extended is one of the hardest things to have to deal with. Even if you have prepared for this happening, there is still a part of you that hoped it wouldn’t happen. You will probably feel crushed, broken, and wonder how in the world you will make it until they can get home.

If your spouse’s deployment orders get extended, here are some things you can do to help you make it through:

Let it out

When you first hear the news, you are probably going to break down. That is okay. Have a good cry about the situation, vent to a friend, or just let everything out in a journal.

It’s okay to be mad about the situation, it’s okay to be angry at the military, it’s okay to be upset because your spouse is going to be gone longer than you thought.

What to do When Your Spouse's Deployment Orders Get Extended

Look at the benefits

For us, we started to receive an extra $1,000 a month after the one year mark. This was a benefit to me and although I would have preferred to have my husband home earlier, it was nice to have that extra money.

Take some time to figure out what your benefits are, even if they seem small. Focusing on the advantages of the situation can help you handle it better.

Make a game plan

Once you have cried it all out over the extension, come up with a game plan. Back in 2007, a group of us spouses got together at McDonald’s after we heard the news. We were in shock, but we wanted to figure out how we were going to get through this. And we knew we would have to depend on one another.

Figure out how to stay busy

Staying busy is going to be even more important the last few months of an extended deployment. You don’t want just to sit around being bored. That will drive your nuts. Continue to stay busy and get out there. You will be glad that you did.

Try something new

The end of this deployment is a good time to try something new. Maybe for you, that is starting a new book series or volunteering somewhere. It could also mean starting school, looking for a new job, or even going on a small trip. The key is finding something you can focus on.

What to do When Your Spouse's Deployment Orders Get Extended

Extended deployments are so difficult to deal with, but they are a part of military life. Orders get changed, and there are a lot of different reasons why your spouse might be deployed longer than you thought they would be.

Have you ever been through an extended deployment?

 

What I Learned About My Anxiety When My Husband Was Away

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What I Learned About My Anxiety When My Husband Was Away

This summer my husband was at AT for three weeks. For those that don’t know what AT is, AT stands for annual training with the National Guard and is the training they do every year. Sometimes it is two weeks; sometimes it is longer.

These three weeks were rough for me. My husband hasn’t been away anywhere in a while. Even though he has been gone for a lot longer, this time apart was challenging and my anxiety was at an all-time high.

What I Learned About My Anxiety When My Husband Was Away

Now that he is back home, I can look back, and I realized something. I learned a lot those three weeks about my anxiety, what life is like when he is gone and what I can do about it when he leaves again in the future, especially for a longer period.

I learned that I do need a few things to happen so I can get through the time apart without completely losing it. Sometimes I feel as if any deployment would knock me to the core and that I wouldn’t be able to get through.

My anxiety doesn’t make that any easier.

 

 

What I Learned About My Anxiety When My Husband Was Away

See a counselor

I realized that going to see a counselor is going to be a good option for me. I don’t always feel like I need to see one but the last deployment I did, and she helped me through. I know the next time he deploys, that will be one of the first things I will do. I need that little bit of extra help. I need to be able to talk to someone who isn’t a friend or family member. I need this to stay grounded.

Have a backup plan

I need a backup plan for well everything. What should I do if an appliance breaks? Who can I call if I need some extra help with something or in an emergency? Making a list of all of this information will go a long way in helping with my anxiety. Knowing I have people who can be there for me is a must.

Journal more

I love journaling, but I don’t do it as much as I should. When my husband is gone again, I need to journal daily. I love being able to get all my thoughts out that way. Journaling is its own form of therapy.

Childcare

Childcare for my youngest is a must! He was in a day camp this summer, and that made my life so much easier. I was able to work and have some time where I wasn’t having to entertain an active six-year-old.

Don’t try to be a perfectionist

I have to let go of perfection when my husband is gone. That is what really can get my anxiety going. Am I a good enough mom? Am I a good enough housekeeper? Am I a good enough military spouse? It’s these silly judgments that I put on myself that I need to stop doing. I am doing the best I can, and that is good enough.

What I Learned About My Anxiety When My Husband Was AwayHave my happy place

I have a place in my bedroom that I can go to get some downtime or just to relax. I used a place like that during our last deployment, and it was very much needed this summer. I can go there when things are getting a little too much and can read, watch tv or just chill in a comfortable atmosphere.

Make plans with friends

Making plans with friends is always a good way to break up the days of a deployment or separation. I need to do more of that. Whether we have lunch while the kids are in school or dinner before a T-ball game, having time with others can get me out of my funk and allow me to enjoy our time together.

Anxiety isn’t any fun, and I hate how it can rear its ugly head when my husband isn’t home. I hope that I can make some changes the next time he is away so that I can truly rock that separation more than I did this summer.

Do you struggle with anxiety too? What helps the most?

Are you looking for more posts about surviving deployment? 

 

 

 

 

What To Get Your Husband When They Are Coming Home From a Deployment

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What To Get Your Husband When They Are Coming Home From a Deployment

What To Get Your Husband When They Are Coming Home From a Deployment

I was provided a free box for review!

Every time my husband has come home from a deployment or even a training, I have always bought him a few things to enjoy. Usually, that consists of anything he has asked to have on hand, beer, and his favorite candy. I also make sure to have all his favorite foods available to make that first week.

There is something about having your spouse home from a war zone that makes you want to make sure that they are taken care of and have what they need as well as some things that they want.

This past June my husband was at AT with the National Guard. He was gone three weeks and while he was gone I received a Men’s Health Box to review. This was perfect! I knew my husband would love using a lot of the stuff that came in the box when he got home from three weeks of Army training.

I was going to buy a few of the products anyway so I was glad to see them in the box as I knew they would be helpful.

I received the Best of Grooming Box which is filled with the best of the best products for men’s grooming hand-picked by the experts at Men’s Health.

This is what was included:

The Men's Health Box

These products were so helpful for someone coming home from the field or from a deployment overseas. This box would also be a good gift, whether it is Father’s Day or their birthday. You could get one for your husband, your father, or even your son.

The Men's Health Box

My husband told me that he loved getting these products and that this box is perfect for those coming back from the field or overseas.

How do these boxes work?

The Best of Grooming Box is a one-time box that you can purchase for $49.99. You order right on the website. They also have a Men’s Health Subscription Box where you can receive one box every three months. If your spouse enjoys the Best of Grooming Box you should consider this subscription box in the future.

But wait, I would want to ship this to my husband when he is still overseas. Can they do that?

Yes they do! They ship to APO/FPO/DPO addresses as well as the US, Alaska, Hawaii, and Canada.

Men's Health Box

So, whether you want to get this box as a gift or to welcome home your husband from his long deployment, head on over to the Men’s Health Box and learn more about this box! Use the code soldierswife20 for 20% off your first Men’s Health Box.

How To Find Me Time When Your Spouse Is Deployed

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How To Find Me Time When Your Spouse Is DeployedHow To Find Me Time When Your Spouse Is Deployed

 

One question I tend to get asked by my non-military friends is, “Do you ever get any time to yourself during the deployment?” And my answer is “Yes!” Although I have had to work hard over the years to be able to find this me time.

When your spouse is home, you should be able to have them watch the kids, at least every once in a while. You can get out to the mall, meet friends or dinner, or go to your book club.

When they are deployed, finding that me time isn’t as easy.

Finding Me Time When Your Spouse Is Deployed

So what can you do if your spouse is deployed or away on training and you struggle to find that me time you crave?

Trade babysitting with a friend

During past deployments, I have had close friends that I traded babysitting with. This was ideal because we could both help each other out in the same way. This isn’t always possible because doing this requires having a good friend that you trust. You also need someone with children that get along with yours.

But if you can find this, take advantage and bring up trading off with childcare. Even if you just want to take an hour to drink a Starbucks and read a book kid free, you can do so and then return the favor.

Look for events with free childcare

When we were stationed in Schweinfurt, Germany, we had a scrapbooking night once a month. They would usually have a babysitter on site in a playroom, which was nice. Being able to sit and scrapbook with friends and not have to worry about where my children were would make for a fun night and a good way to find that me time.

If you take some time to look at your local area, you will probably find places that do offer free childcare both on and off post. There is a local church here that does a once a month parent’s night out for the local community.

Super Saturdays

Some military bases and military posts have Super Saturdays where you can leave your kids in childcare once or twice a month if your husband is deployed. I have taken advantage of that many times, and they have been a lifesaver.

We could drop off our kids around 9 am and just pick them up sometime in the late afternoon. I knew they were being taken care of in an age appreciate place and it gave me a chance to get errands done or to meet up with friends for lunch.

Finding Me Time When Your Spouse Is Deployed

Family

Many military spouses do not live near family. One thing you miss out on when you don’t live near family is the ability for them to watch your kids. I know if I had raised my kids in the same town as my parents it wouldn’t have mattered when my husband deployed because I knew that they would be able to watch them.

I did spend the summer of 2009 at my parent’s house with my young two and four-year-old. While we did a lot of things together, getting out by myself or meeting a friend was a nice perk to living with them for those months.

When we have family come to visit, they will watch our kids for either a date night if he was home or a night out with friends when he has been away. Even though this can’t happen too often because of the distance, it is a beautiful thing when they come to visit. The extra set of hands helps more than they even realize.

How To Find Me Time When Your Spouse Is Deployed

Firm bedtimes

In some seasons you won’t be able to have any me time. You could have a nursing baby or no one in the area to trust with your children. That is when bedtimes become so important. Make sure you put your kids to bed early enough so that you can spend at least an hour by yourself.

During this time you can watch a television show, take a bubble bath, or have a bowl of ice cream. Taking that time for you will be the best way to help you through the days of deployment.

Hire a babysitter

 

If you have the budget to do so, you can hire a babysitter. See if you know anyone with a teenager that babysits. They probably live close and be good with your kids. You can also use websites like www.sittercity.com to find someone in your local area.

Sometimes just getting out and going to the library/coffee shop, treating myself to lunch, or going on a photo walk for a few hours can refresh me. Especially after a long night. As military spouses, we can take on too much and not find time for ourselves. After months of this, we can get burned out which isn’t good for ourselves or our children.

How do you find time to get away and relax when your spouse is deployed?  How do you find “me” time during deployment?

Here are other posts about deployments:

Don’t Get Sucked Into the Deployment Hole

Yes You Can Handle Life Without Your Spouse, Even If You Don’t Want To

12 Things You Must Do As Soon As Your Spouse Deploys