Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Deployment

25 Reasons To Go Home For a Deployment

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25 Reasons To Go Home For a Deployment

25 Reasons To Go Home For a Deployment

Deployment is coming. What do you do? Do you stay in your current home, solo parenting and making the best of your situations or do you pack it all up, go back home and get through the months away in a familiar space?

I went home for three months of a deployment, and it was one of the best things I ever could have done. I am not sure I would ever go home for that length of time again, my kids are older now, but for that deployment, it was the right choice.

25 Reasons To Go Home For a Deployment

Here are 25 reasons to go home for a deployment:

  • Because you hate your duty station

Let’s face it, if you can’t stand your duty station, going home for a deployment might work out in your favor. Getting a break from a place you don’t want to be can be a good idea. Even just going home for a few months can help you come back, ready to start over at the place you will still need to call home.

  • Because you hate your living situation at your duty station

You might love where you live just not your physical home. Your apartment could be way too small, you might hate your on post neighborhood, or just can’t stand your current living situation.

  • Because you just had a baby

After having a baby, having an extra set of hands during a deployment is going to be a good thing.

  • Because your family is helpful

If your family is helpful, going home will be a good thing. They will help you find a place to stay and be there for you when you need them.

  • Because your best friend still lives there

When your best friend still lives in your home town, spending time with her can be a perfect thing during a deployment. She might not fully understand military life, but she will be the listening ear that you need.

  • Because it snows too much at your duty station

If you are not used to snow, driving in the snow, and living in the snow, being at a place where it snows can be quite difficult. Why not head for warmer temps if that is the case?

  • Because you miss the beach

There is something about the beach, especially if you grew up with it in your backyard. Being close to the ocean water can be quite therapeutic.

  • Because you want your kids to know your family

What better way for your children to get to know your family than living right there with them.

  • 25 Reasons To Go Home For a DeploymentBecause you want to show your kids what life was like when you were growing up

When I went home for those three months, I was able to do a lot of the things I did growing up with my own children. That was a fun summer and one I will never forget.

  • Because you don’t want to be around the military 24/7

Sometimes we just want a big old break from the military. Going home for a deployment is a way to do it.

  • Because you want to visit, but you would rather just stay for a while

Visiting can be good, but staying a while can make the visit even better.

  • Because it is hard for anyone to come visit you

When no one can visit you, whether that is for health or financial reasons, going to them might be the only way to spend time together.

  • Because your kids haven’t started school

If your children are not school aged yet, going home makes more sense than if they are. This might be the only time to go home for a deployment.

  • Because you homeschool and you can

If you homeschool, going home for a few months won’t mess up the school year like it would if they attended school outside the house. Take advantage of this.

  • Because you want to experience something different

Home might be totally different than your current duty station. That might be just what you want for this deployment.

  • Because you want to always have help with the kids

Going home can mean having quite a few people to babysit your kids. People you love, people you trust, and people who love your children.

  • Because your family misses you

When you are the branch of the family tree who lives far away, people tend to miss you. Going home for a deployment can help with this.

  • Because you can save money

Look at your financial situation, will going home save you money?

  • Because you can go to school easier

If you want to go back to school, moving home could make that easier.

  • Because you want to help your family

Your own family might need help from you. Going home for a few months can be a way to help out when you otherwise would not be able to.

  • Because your mom is a good cook and you are not

When you are missing her home cooking, having it often during a deployment isn’t going to hurt.

  • Because you know your kids would love it

If you know your kids would enjoy your time back home, it could be something to seriously think about.

  • Because you will be PCSing right after he gets back

For some, going home make sense since you will be PCSing when they get home from the deployment.

  • Because you suffer from anxiety

Suffering from anxiety during a deployment can make things more difficult. Going home can help with that.

  • Because your duty station never felt like home

Sadly, no matter how hard you try, your duty station might never have clicked with you. And going home for the deployment will be your best bet.

25 Reasons To Go Home For a Deployment

When trying to make this decision, remember that going home for a deployment completely depends on you, your family, and your situation. What works for one person might not work for another.

I hope this list will get you thinking about whether it is the right option for you or not.

Have you ever gone home for a deployment? How was it?

No, You Never Get Used To Deployments

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No, You Never Get Used To Deployments

No, You Never Get Used To Deployments

I am not sure when my husband will deploy again. During our last deployment, I thought that would be our last one. Then he joined the National Guard. And although we have not experienced a deployment with the National Guard yet, that could happen. So I have to think ahead and prepare myself.

When I think about him deploying again, I get that nervous feeling in my stomach. Even though I have been through deployments before, the next one will be completely different. My boys will be different ages; we will be in a different type of situation, he could end up going to a different type of place.

No, You Never Get Used To Deployments

You see, each deployment is its own experience.

Your first deployment might not be your hardest, your shortest deployment might prove to be harder than any other deployment. As most seasoned military spouses know, you never quite get used to having your spouse live away from you, in a war zone, fighting for our country.

Just because you have been through a deployment before, it doesn’t mean that you have every future deployment under control and that they won’t challenge you, because they will.

And although you will never truly get used to them leaving every so often, you will learn better how to get through those times apart.

You will figure out what works best for you and your family.

You will learn if counting down the days works for you or if you should just count down the months instead.

You will figure out how to stay busy, even if how you choose to do so changes during each deployment. You will learn about resilience, patience, and how to be more independent.

You will learn how to mow the lawn, take your kids to all their sports events alone, and how to stay sane when you feel anything but.

No, You Never Get Used To Deployments

You will figure out that what works for you for this deployment, might not work for you for the next deployment and could be entirely different from what works for your neighbor for her deployment.

You will figure out how to find people to get through the deployment with, even if that feels overwhelming at certain duty stations.

You will understand what your spouse needs from you while they are gone, whether that is a care package once a week or just to offer a listening ear when they call.

Over the years as a military spouse, you will figure out how to cope during deployments. You have to. If you don’t, you would never be able to make it through.

You will never get used to watching your spouse walk away, you will never get used to those lonely nights, and having to be both mom and dad to your kids. 

You will never get used to that last kiss, that last hug, and that last goodbye.

Your tears will always come, the first day will always be hard, and you will always wish that they didn’t have to go.

This is a good thing. This means that your spouse is someone special. That their presence in your home is a welcome one. That them being gone is not the norm, even if you understand why they have to go. That when they return, you will put the pieces back together and can be a full family once again.

No, You Never Get Used To Deployments

No, you never get used to deployments, but you can find support and rock the heck out of any deployment you will have to go through.

Although you start off feeling like a huge weight has been put on you, you will figure out how to lessen the stress and be able to find ways to thrive during your time apart. As the days go by, you will find yourself getting to a place where the deployment feels more manageable. Where you can see how you are going to get through the deployment, and how you can make the best of the situation.

How many deployments have you been through?

What to do When Your Spouse’s Deployment Orders Get Extended

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What to do When Your Spouse's Deployment Orders Get ExtendedWhat to do When Your Spouse’s Deployment Orders Get Extended

The summer of 2007 was a difficult one for us in Schweinfurt, Germany. Our husbands had been deployed since the August before, and things were starting to wind down on their deployment. Although their orders said 12 months, there was a lot of talk about them coming home in June of that year, making the deployment nine months.

That didn’t happen, and they said that the deployment would be a year. And then, one day, it became much more than that. My husband’s unit was part of the surge in Iraq. They would no longer be coming home in August. Their orders were extended for October which became November.

What to do When Your Spouse's Deployment Orders Get Extended

My husband returned home to us a little shy of 15 months. We had not seen him since R&R, 11 months before. To say this was a long deployment was an understatement. And it felt like the deployment would never end. Even when we got close, it got extended.

Having your spouse’s deployment orders extended is one of the hardest things to have to deal with. Even if you have prepared for this happening, there is still a part of you that hoped it wouldn’t happen. You will probably feel crushed, broken, and wonder how in the world you will make it until they can get home.

If your spouse’s deployment orders get extended, here are some things you can do to help you make it through:

Let it out

When you first hear the news, you are probably going to break down. That is okay. Have a good cry about the situation, vent to a friend, or just let everything out in a journal.

It’s okay to be mad about the situation, it’s okay to be angry at the military, it’s okay to be upset because your spouse is going to be gone longer than you thought.

What to do When Your Spouse's Deployment Orders Get Extended

Look at the benefits

For us, we started to receive an extra $1,000 a month after the one year mark. This was a benefit to me and although I would have preferred to have my husband home earlier, it was nice to have that extra money.

Take some time to figure out what your benefits are, even if they seem small. Focusing on the advantages of the situation can help you handle it better.

Make a game plan

Once you have cried it all out over the extension, come up with a game plan. Back in 2007, a group of us spouses got together at McDonald’s after we heard the news. We were in shock, but we wanted to figure out how we were going to get through this. And we knew we would have to depend on one another.

Figure out how to stay busy

Staying busy is going to be even more important the last few months of an extended deployment. You don’t want just to sit around being bored. That will drive your nuts. Continue to stay busy and get out there. You will be glad that you did.

Try something new

The end of this deployment is a good time to try something new. Maybe for you, that is starting a new book series or volunteering somewhere. It could also mean starting school, looking for a new job, or even going on a small trip. The key is finding something you can focus on.

What to do When Your Spouse's Deployment Orders Get Extended

Extended deployments are so difficult to deal with, but they are a part of military life. Orders get changed, and there are a lot of different reasons why your spouse might be deployed longer than you thought they would be.

Have you ever been through an extended deployment?

 

What I Learned About My Anxiety When My Husband Was Away

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What I Learned About My Anxiety When My Husband Was Away

This summer my husband was at AT for three weeks. For those that don’t know what AT is, AT stands for annual training with the National Guard and is the training they do every year. Sometimes it is two weeks; sometimes it is longer.

These three weeks were rough for me. My husband hasn’t been away anywhere in a while. Even though he has been gone for a lot longer, this time apart was challenging and my anxiety was at an all-time high.

What I Learned About My Anxiety When My Husband Was Away

Now that he is back home, I can look back, and I realized something. I learned a lot those three weeks about my anxiety, what life is like when he is gone and what I can do about it when he leaves again in the future, especially for a longer period.

I learned that I do need a few things to happen so I can get through the time apart without completely losing it. Sometimes I feel as if any deployment would knock me to the core and that I wouldn’t be able to get through.

My anxiety doesn’t make that any easier.

 

 

What I Learned About My Anxiety When My Husband Was Away

See a counselor

I realized that going to see a counselor is going to be a good option for me. I don’t always feel like I need to see one but the last deployment I did, and she helped me through. I know the next time he deploys, that will be one of the first things I will do. I need that little bit of extra help. I need to be able to talk to someone who isn’t a friend or family member. I need this to stay grounded.

Have a backup plan

I need a backup plan for well everything. What should I do if an appliance breaks? Who can I call if I need some extra help with something or in an emergency? Making a list of all of this information will go a long way in helping with my anxiety. Knowing I have people who can be there for me is a must.

Journal more

I love journaling, but I don’t do it as much as I should. When my husband is gone again, I need to journal daily. I love being able to get all my thoughts out that way. Journaling is its own form of therapy.

Childcare

Childcare for my youngest is a must! He was in a day camp this summer, and that made my life so much easier. I was able to work and have some time where I wasn’t having to entertain an active six-year-old.

Don’t try to be a perfectionist

I have to let go of perfection when my husband is gone. That is what really can get my anxiety going. Am I a good enough mom? Am I a good enough housekeeper? Am I a good enough military spouse? It’s these silly judgments that I put on myself that I need to stop doing. I am doing the best I can, and that is good enough.

What I Learned About My Anxiety When My Husband Was AwayHave my happy place

I have a place in my bedroom that I can go to get some downtime or just to relax. I used a place like that during our last deployment, and it was very much needed this summer. I can go there when things are getting a little too much and can read, watch tv or just chill in a comfortable atmosphere.

Make plans with friends

Making plans with friends is always a good way to break up the days of a deployment or separation. I need to do more of that. Whether we have lunch while the kids are in school or dinner before a T-ball game, having time with others can get me out of my funk and allow me to enjoy our time together.

Anxiety isn’t any fun, and I hate how it can rear its ugly head when my husband isn’t home. I hope that I can make some changes the next time he is away so that I can truly rock that separation more than I did this summer.

Do you struggle with anxiety too? What helps the most?

Are you looking for more posts about surviving deployment? 

 

 

 

 

What To Get Your Husband When They Are Coming Home From a Deployment

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What To Get Your Husband When They Are Coming Home From a Deployment

What To Get Your Husband When They Are Coming Home From a Deployment

I was provided a free box for review!

Every time my husband has come home from a deployment or even a training, I have always bought him a few things to enjoy. Usually, that consists of anything he has asked to have on hand, beer, and his favorite candy. I also make sure to have all his favorite foods available to make that first week.

There is something about having your spouse home from a war zone that makes you want to make sure that they are taken care of and have what they need as well as some things that they want.

This past June my husband was at AT with the National Guard. He was gone three weeks and while he was gone I received a Men’s Health Box to review. This was perfect! I knew my husband would love using a lot of the stuff that came in the box when he got home from three weeks of Army training.

I was going to buy a few of the products anyway so I was glad to see them in the box as I knew they would be helpful.

I received the Best of Grooming Box which is filled with the best of the best products for men’s grooming hand-picked by the experts at Men’s Health.

This is what was included:

The Men's Health Box

These products were so helpful for someone coming home from the field or from a deployment overseas. This box would also be a good gift, whether it is Father’s Day or their birthday. You could get one for your husband, your father, or even your son.

The Men's Health Box

My husband told me that he loved getting these products and that this box is perfect for those coming back from the field or overseas.

How do these boxes work?

The Best of Grooming Box is a one-time box that you can purchase for $49.99. You order right on the website. They also have a Men’s Health Subscription Box where you can receive one box every three months. If your spouse enjoys the Best of Grooming Box you should consider this subscription box in the future.

But wait, I would want to ship this to my husband when he is still overseas. Can they do that?

Yes they do! They ship to APO/FPO/DPO addresses as well as the US, Alaska, Hawaii, and Canada.

Men's Health Box

So, whether you want to get this box as a gift or to welcome home your husband from his long deployment, head on over to the Men’s Health Box and learn more about this box! Use the code soldierswife20 for 20% off your first Men’s Health Box.

How To Find Me Time When Your Spouse Is Deployed

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How To Find Me Time When Your Spouse Is DeployedHow To Find Me Time When Your Spouse Is Deployed

 

One question I tend to get asked by my non-military friends is, “Do you ever get any time to yourself during the deployment?” And my answer is “Yes!” Although I have had to work hard over the years to be able to find this me time.

When your spouse is home, you should be able to have them watch the kids, at least every once in a while. You can get out to the mall, meet friends or dinner, or go to your book club.

When they are deployed, finding that me time isn’t as easy.

Finding Me Time When Your Spouse Is Deployed

So what can you do if your spouse is deployed or away on training and you struggle to find that me time you crave?

Trade babysitting with a friend

During past deployments, I have had close friends that I traded babysitting with. This was ideal because we could both help each other out in the same way. This isn’t always possible because doing this requires having a good friend that you trust. You also need someone with children that get along with yours.

But if you can find this, take advantage and bring up trading off with childcare. Even if you just want to take an hour to drink a Starbucks and read a book kid free, you can do so and then return the favor.

Look for events with free childcare

When we were stationed in Schweinfurt, Germany, we had a scrapbooking night once a month. They would usually have a babysitter on site in a playroom, which was nice. Being able to sit and scrapbook with friends and not have to worry about where my children were would make for a fun night and a good way to find that me time.

If you take some time to look at your local area, you will probably find places that do offer free childcare both on and off post. There is a local church here that does a once a month parent’s night out for the local community.

Super Saturdays

Some military bases and military posts have Super Saturdays where you can leave your kids in childcare once or twice a month if your husband is deployed. I have taken advantage of that many times, and they have been a lifesaver.

We could drop off our kids around 9 am and just pick them up sometime in the late afternoon. I knew they were being taken care of in an age appreciate place and it gave me a chance to get errands done or to meet up with friends for lunch.

Finding Me Time When Your Spouse Is Deployed

Family

Many military spouses do not live near family. One thing you miss out on when you don’t live near family is the ability for them to watch your kids. I know if I had raised my kids in the same town as my parents it wouldn’t have mattered when my husband deployed because I knew that they would be able to watch them.

I did spend the summer of 2009 at my parent’s house with my young two and four-year-old. While we did a lot of things together, getting out by myself or meeting a friend was a nice perk to living with them for those months.

When we have family come to visit, they will watch our kids for either a date night if he was home or a night out with friends when he has been away. Even though this can’t happen too often because of the distance, it is a beautiful thing when they come to visit. The extra set of hands helps more than they even realize.

How To Find Me Time When Your Spouse Is Deployed

Firm bedtimes

In some seasons you won’t be able to have any me time. You could have a nursing baby or no one in the area to trust with your children. That is when bedtimes become so important. Make sure you put your kids to bed early enough so that you can spend at least an hour by yourself.

During this time you can watch a television show, take a bubble bath, or have a bowl of ice cream. Taking that time for you will be the best way to help you through the days of deployment.

Hire a babysitter

 

If you have the budget to do so, you can hire a babysitter. See if you know anyone with a teenager that babysits. They probably live close and be good with your kids. You can also use websites like www.sittercity.com to find someone in your local area.

Sometimes just getting out and going to the library/coffee shop, treating myself to lunch, or going on a photo walk for a few hours can refresh me. Especially after a long night. As military spouses, we can take on too much and not find time for ourselves. After months of this, we can get burned out which isn’t good for ourselves or our children.

How do you find time to get away and relax when your spouse is deployed?  How do you find “me” time during deployment?

Here are other posts about deployments:

Don’t Get Sucked Into the Deployment Hole

Yes You Can Handle Life Without Your Spouse, Even If You Don’t Want To

12 Things You Must Do As Soon As Your Spouse Deploys

Yes You Can Handle Life Without Your Spouse, Even If You Don’t Want To

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Yes You Can Handle Life Without Your Spouse, Even If You Don’t Want To

Over the years that I have been a military spouse, I have done a lot without my husband. I moved to Germany without him. I gave birth without him. I flew space-A without him. I have survived.

Yes You Can Handle Life Without Your Spouse, Even If You Don't Want To

 

When you are a military spouse, you learn to do a lot without your partner by your side. You have to. They simply are not going to be there for everything. You can’t depend on them for things as others can. You have to learn to do it yourself.

When you first become a military spouse, this can be a shock to the system. Even if you married a military service member, getting used to them not being around can be tough.

While other newlyweds work together to form their marriage during the first year, you might have had to do that through Skype and letters. You are in your home, they are overseas, and figuring out the balance of all that can take some time.

Milspouse

While other couples talk about every parenting decision, we sometimes have to make them on our own.

Communication isn’t always possible and sitting down over dinner discussing the situation is out of the question.

When something breaks in the house, it’s all you. YouTube can be your best friend here and in other cases, you will have to call someone to fix the problem. Even though you know your spouse could do it in five minutes.

You are the one to make sure the lawn is mowed. You might have to hire someone or break down and learn how to do the lawn yourself.

Milspouse

Dinner? That’s all you. Unless you have older children, you are the one doing all the cooking. Pizza is an excellent solution for those crazy nights you just can’t make yourself cook.

You wait to hear when homecoming will be. Hoping they will make it back in time for your daughter’s graduation, knowing they might not.

There are so many times when you will be the one to have to solve the problems back at home.

You do this because you know that they can’t. You do this because you know when they are gone they are gone for a good reason. You do this because if you didn’t? Everything would fall apart.

There are the little things you miss when they are gone. On the weekends, there is no one to ask to put the kids to bed or to allow you a break to sleep in. You are on until your kids go to sleep and need to be ready the minute they wake up in the morning.

You will miss the little jokes you have between each other. The looks. The moments only you two understand.

So as a military spouse you will find that you don’t need your husband. That he can come and go and you can run the house without him. That you can keep everything going, keep the kids alive, and grow as a person, even when they are deployed.

 

Yes You Can Handle Life Without Your Spouse, Even If You Don't Want To

You will find your inner strength to do more than you thought that you could. What seemed impossible a few years ago is now commonplace. You will learn more about yourself and find out how strong you are.

You will figure out you don’t need your spouse around, but you will find that you want him there.

You want the friendship you two have. You want the co-parenting challenges you will have together. You want the companionship, even if you are both sitting there not talking.

You will miss all of this and then realize that you will have this all again someday. That homecoming day will come. That you will have a normal life once again. That you will be able to have everything that you have been missing.

And when that happens you will also know that you can handle deployments. That when they have to go again, you will be able to hold down the fort. That you got this, whatever comes your way.

What is one thing you have done during a deployment that you didn’t think you could do but had to anyway?

Going Down the Long Deployment Road

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Going Down the Long Deployment Road

Going Down the Long Deployment Road

At the start of every deployment, I would picture myself standing at the end of a long road. I would have to walk down this path and at the end of the road was homecoming. I didn’t know how long this road was, what types of twists and turns I would have to go through to get to the end, and I didn’t know what shape I would be in when I got there.

The long deployment roadOver the months my husband was deployed, I sometimes was able to run along this road. I felt like I could conquer anything and was able to keep up that pace for a while. But then I would trip and fall, and the only way I could keep moving forward was to crawl.

And for a time that is what I had to do. I was moving at a snail’s pace, or so it seemed, but with each passing day, I was getting close to the finish line.

After some time I would be able to pick myself up and start walking and eventually get back to my run, only to have to slow down again with a challenge of some kind that got in my way. But eventually, I did make it to the end. I made it to homecoming and enjoyed the return of my husband.

The deployment road

I then looked back along that deployment road, at all the twists and turns I had gone through. At all the challenges I had faced. I looked back and saw the people who helped me through, good friends, family members, and even strangers who never even realized what they had done to help me.

As a military spouse, I always knew that there would be long roads in my future. And that each one would look a little different. But I also learned that however long the road was, whatever the challenges would be, I would make it through. One day at a time if need be.

If you have just started a deployment, take heart in knowing that you too can get through this period apart. It’s going to feel so strange at first, not having your spouse around. This will take some getting used to and you probably will never 100% get used to them being gone.

You will have good days, days when you feel like you have mastered everything. You will have bad days, days that will make you want to tear your hair out.

But over the time your spouse is gone, you will learn so much more about yourself, and you will see how strong you truly are.

If you are almost done with a deployment, know that the last few weeks can sometimes be the most challenging. You are done with the deployment except you have a little bit more to do, and that can be overwhelming.

Know that eventually the deployment will come to an end and you will be standing there, holding a homecoming sign, waiting patiently for that first kiss.

If you are getting ready for another deployment and feeling so much dread, try to think about all the good things that can happen when they are gone. There could be projects you have been putting off, you can use the extra pay to help with your student loan, and you know the deployment will be good for their career.

military spouse

Deployments suck. There is no other way to put it, but if you can find the positives of them, that can go a long way in helping you through them.

Wherever you are on your deployment road, know that you can handle this. There is never a right time for a deployment, and you will always wish that your spouse didn’t have to go, but deep down you know this is all apart of the military spouse deal.

If you have just started a deployment or will be starting one soon, check out my free guide for the first 30 days of deployment!