Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Deployment

Debunking Myths About Deployment

by

Debunking Myths About Deployment

Waiting for a deployment to start can be a bit scary. There is a lot of advice, and you might be feeling a little unsure about what a deployment will be like. Will the deployment be too hard for you? Will you struggle every day or be able to find a way to get through? Will you thrive or just simply survive?

There are some ideas about deployment that I just don’t think are true, at least not for me. Here are some myths about deployment and the truth behind them.

Debunking Myths About Deployment

 

Never countdown the days

I love counting down the days when my husband is gone. I love waking up in the morning and crossing a day off the calendar. It’s what gets me through. Not everyone likes countdowns, but they are a part of how I deal with deployments. If you like countdowns too, use them, just remember to never make them public on social media.

Keeping busy will be enough

Although the number one piece of advice during a deployment is to keep busy and doing so will help, keeping busy isn’t everything. Sometimes being too busy can make your flustered. You might need that downtime, just not too much of it. Filling up my calendar with a lot of activities but also leaving room for chill days is how I make things work during a deployment.

Going home will solve your problem

Going back home for a deployment can be a very good idea, especially if you have a supportive family. However, you are still going to have stressful deployment days. You will still really miss your spouse, and there could be other issues that come up if you are home. You could be the only one in your friend circle without a spouse around, you could feel too much pressure to see all the people you used to hang out with, you might not get along with your family as much as you thought you would. Really reflect on the decision to go home during a deployment and know that it could come with its own set of challenges too.

Deployments will get easier the more of them you do

If only we could get a degree in deployments. If only the more of them we go through, the easier they would become. The truth is, you will have hard deployments and more difficult deployments. The details of what is going on in your life during each deployment can be so different. One deployment you could be pregnant, the next you might have a two-year-old. Try to take what you learned from each deployment to help you through the next one.

You can’t have fun without them

There is this idea that you shouldn’t have any fun when your spouse is deployed. This isn’t true. While you will miss them when you are making plans, you need to be able to have fun without them, especially when you have kids. You have to be able to take them places, make memories together and enjoy your life, even when your spouse is deployed.

Shorter deployments will be easier

I once thought that the shorter the deployment, the easier the deployment would be. Not true. One of my hardest deployments was just six months long, one of our shorter deployments. Although I would always take a six-month deployment over a 15-month deployment, shorter doesn’t always mean easier.

Once they get home, all will be perfect

When your spouse is away, it is easy to focus on all the good things about your relationship and ignore any issues you were having or anything that needs to be worked out. Even if things were going well for you when they deployed, know that reintegration can come with struggles. As they come home and you get back to everyday life, you will have to get back to the daily challenges that come with raising a family, being married and having a spouse who just returned from a war zone. Getting excited about the homecoming is a good thing but always be aware that there could be a lot of work to do once the ceremony is over.

So, Your Spouse Just Deployed? What Should You Do Now?

by

So, Your Spouse Just Deployed? What Should You Do Now?

So, Your Spouse Just Deployed? What Should You Do Now?

The day has come and you had to say goodbye. Day one. Day one of who knows how many days. Day one of this deployment. Whether this is your first deployment or your last, you are going to need some support to get through all of these days. Whether they are gone for four months or fourteen, you are going to need to figure out a way to get through the time apart.

That is where this post comes in handy! First of all, sign up for my free guide for the first 30 days of a deployment! This will help you figure out a game plan and encourage you as you get started down this deployment journey.

You can also take a look at my deployment posts. After going through 4 deployments myself, I have a lot of blog posts all about surviving deployments.

If you didn’t know this already, there is a great community of military spouse bloggers out there. We come from different branches, live in different places but we all have stories and tips to share with our readers. Our hope as milspouse bloggers is to help you and let you know you are not alone in your military journey.

Here are some great posts on deployment by some of my favorite military spouse bloggers:

5 Ways to Keep the Interest Alive When You Are Not Together Enough by Adventures of a Young Wife

7 Deployment Confessions from the Spouse Left Behind by 1200 Miles Away

surviving deployment

Dear Civilians: What Every Military Wife Wants You to Know by Singing Through the Rain

Solo Parenting: Alone But Not Alone by InDependent

Deployment ABCs: Advice for a First Deployment by Countdowns and Cupcakes

End of Deployment is the Worst by the Seasoned Spouse

My Husband Helped Me Through My Run by Wandering Malia

3 Ways Deployments Can Bring You Closer as a Couple by Spouse Buzz

surviving deployments

10 creative ways to help children cope with deployment by Military One Click

10 Relationship-Saving Tips to Use During Deployment by the Military Wife and Mom

The Very Real Truth About Experiencing Deployment for the First Time by Jo, My Gosh

Through the pre-deployment period to the long days of the deployment to the end and getting ready for homecoming, sharing our deployment stories can be a great way to connect and help others who are dealing with a deployment. Although each of our experiences can look a little different, knowing we are not the only ones to go through them is helpful.

We are not able to get through deployments because we are strong, we become strong through the deployments as we stand by the person we have committed to stand by through all life throws at us. 

To the Military Spouse on Valentine’s Day

by

To the Military Spouse on Valentine’s Day!

The day is coming. You know the one. The holiday that you would just rather skip. You know your friends are getting flowers and chocolate. And a date night. You are getting more dirty diapers and possibly a Skype call from Iraq. But that might not even happen.

You try to tell yourself that you don’t care. That Valentine’s Day is just a “Hallmark” holiday made for dating couples and those who have time and energy to pull something together. But deep down, you are hurting. Your husband is deployed this year. He was in training last year and the year before? You were waiting to join him overseas at your new duty station.

Military Spouses on Valentine's Day

 

You know the military comes first, but does the military always have to take away Valentine’s Day? Probably. Most likely he will be gone the next year too. And even if he is home. Does that matter? Will you even do anything? The only babysitters you have are your friends who would probably like to go out with their own husbands too. Your family just lives too far away to help and your budget can’t afford the $30 or $40 it would take to hire a babysitter.

So military spouse, it’s okay. Being without your love on Valentine’s Day doesn’t make much sense but being a military spouse you know this is all apart of the lifestyle. So this year, you are not going to worry as much. You are going to buy your kids a heart shaped pizza and some candy hearts. You will let them show you their valentine’s cards from school and then put them to bed early. You are going to pour a glass of wine, eat your favorite type of food and binge watch a fun show you have been meaning to catch up on.

You got this. Even if your Valentine’s Day is different than you thought it would be after being married to the love of your life. You got this because someday your spouse will always be home for Valentine’s Day. You got this because you are not alone and so many other military spouses are not spending this day with their loved one either. You got this because you are strong and you can make it through!

 

10 TV Shows You Should Binge Watch During Deployment

by

10 TV Shows You Should Binge Watch During Deployment10 TV Shows You Should Binge Watch During Deployment

During deployments or even during drill weekends I have found that binge-watching a television show can really make things a lot easier. I can get lost in the show, lost in the characters and that can take away those lonely nights missing my husband. Focusing on something else always works and watching a good tv show is a great way to do it.

With Netflix, Hulu and Amazon, binge watching couldn’t be easier. Back during our 2007 deployment I either had to get DVDs from the library or watch shows on YouTube, 10 minutes at a time. Not ideal I know. I much prefer Netflix these days.

So…if you want to get lost in a story, check out these binge-worthy television shows:

One Tree Hill

One Tree Hill is about a fictional town in North Carolina. It’s the story of two brothers, both raised in very different families and small town life. Basically, normal teenagers, trying to figure out life, love, and relationships. This show has 9 seasons and a lot of fans like to rewatch over and over again.

Gossip Girl

Gossip Girl takes place in New York City and is narrated by the “Gossip Girl.” Another show about teenagers but this time they are from the Upper East Side. They have money, a lot of money and all the problems that go with money. Gossip Girl has 6 seasons and will keep you guessing about who the “Gossip Girl” is the whole time.

Gilmore Girls

Gilmore Girls is a fun show about a mother and daughter living in a small town in Connecticut. This is a quirky show with a ton of fun supporting characters. There are 7 seasons and Netflix just came out with Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life that you must watch once you finish with the regular seasons.

The West Wing

I am a HUGE fan of The West Wing. This show is all about President Bartlet and his staff. They take on real issues and each character has their own situations they are going through. I have already watched this show twice and would love to start a third round. There are 7 seasons.

Vampire Diaries

Vampire Diaries is an exciting show about a town in Virginia, Mystic Falls with Vampires and other supernatural creatures. Elena is a regular old high school student who loses her parents in a car crash. Then she meets Stefen and Damon, vampire brothers. And everything changes. There are 8 seasons and a spin-off, the Originals.

Pretty Little Liars

Pretty Little Liars takes place in Rosewood, Pennsylvania. Four friends try to figure out what to do after their friend Alison is allegedly murdered. This show will keep you hooked because you just want to find out what is going on. There are 7 seasons of PLL.

Once Upon a Time

Once Upon a Time takes place in the fictional seaside town of Storybrooke, Maine. But who lives in this town? All your favorite fairytale characters, only they are under a spell and don’t remember where they came from. Emma, a bail bonds person comes to the town and learns she is the only one who can save it. This show has 6 seasons and is still going on with new characters added all the time.

Grey’s Anatomy

If you are looking for a mix of medicine and drama, Grey’s Anatomy is going to be your show. This show is on season 13 with more to come. Meredith Grey is the main character and as the show starts she is starting the residency program at Seattle Grace Hospital. You might think that it isn’t possible for one hospital to have this much drama but you don’t care because the show is keeping you entertained.

Doctor Who

If you love science fiction, time travel, British tv, you will probably like Doctor Who. I will fully admit this show is not for everyone but those that watch and fall in love with it can’t get enough. This show could be your deployment show as there are a ton of episodes to watch. You can go all the way back and watch some of the original show but I suggest starting with the newer episodes. There are 9 seasons of that, the 10th should start sometime in the near future.

The Office

The Office is such a great show to binge watch. This show is a Mockumentary about an office in Scranton, Pennsylvania. Some of these characters will drive you nuts, others will make you roll your eyes but you won’t be able to get enough of this silly show. There are 9 seasons to enjoy.

 

What shows do you love to watch during a deployment?

 

 

There is Nothing Quite Like a Holiday Homecoming

by 1 Comment

There is Nothing Quite Like a Holiday HomecomingThere is Nothing Quite Like a Holiday Homecoming

The morning was cold but being December in Tennessee, that wasn’t a surprise. When we arrived at the hanger, I knew this would be different than our last deployment, which ended on a hot day in July. Our deployment was over and I only had to wait a few more hours until my husband would be in my arms again. This 4th deployment had been one of the hardest. I was so glad that the deployment was going to end. What made things even better was that my husband was coming home about a week before Christmas. For us, that year would be magical.

That year, we had the best Christmas ever. That year we didn’t have to miss him. We didn’t have to worry anymore. We weren’t lonely and we were together, the way we were supposed to be. We didn’t have to experience the deployment ache over Christmas and we fully enjoyed the holidays together again.

military homecomingImage from DVIDSHUB on Flickr!

There is something so beautiful about a holiday homecoming. Knowing that the deployment will end and that you will be celebrating the holidays together instead of apart. Knowing that you won’t have to wake up Christmas morning or start Hanukkah alone. Knowing that they will be there to wish you Happy New Year and that you won’t have to videotape your children opening presents just so that your spouse can see them do so from afar.

military homecomingImage from DVIDSHUB on Flickr!

There is nothing quite like a holiday homecoming. To be together again during the time of year you want to be with your family the most.

As I stood out watching the runaway on that December Day, I was so cold. But that didn’t matter. All that did was watching that plane land, watching my husband get off the plane and running into his arms, knowing he was home, that the deployment was over and that we would be back to the way things were meant to be.

military homecoming

For those getting ready for holiday homecoming, know that you will be in for a treat. All homecomings are amazing but you will always look back on this homecoming as such a special one. Whether there is snow on the ground in upstate New York or the sun on your back in Hawaii, there is nothing quite like a holiday homecoming.

Have you ever had a holiday homecoming?

 

8 Things You Won’t Have To Do If Your Spouse Is Deployed

by 1 Comment

8 Things You Won't Have To Do If Your Spouse Is Deployed

8 Things You Won’t Have To Do If Your Spouse Is Deployed

Deployments are no fun, any military spouse can tell you that. However, when they happen, which they usually do, there are things you simply won’t have to do because your spouse is gone. I am not going to say these are benefits, but if on a bad deployment day you are feeling pretty lonely, take a look and remember what you don’t have to do because your spouse is deployed.

1. Share the TV- How many times are you dying to catch up on Grey’s but you can’t because your husband wants to watch something else? Well, during a deployment you don’t have to worry about that. You can watch all of your shows, even the ones he makes fun of. Binge-watching can be very therapeutic during a deployment as well.

2. Shave- If your husband is deployed, you don’t have to shave. Well maybe you should shave sometimes but you don’t have to do this chore as often and no one will ever know. Unless it is summertime, then you probably do want to shave.

3. Share the bed- As much as I miss my husband when he is gone, I love having the bed to myself. Maybe I would feel differently if we didn’t have a queen bed but I like having all that space. Of course, at night, when the house is quiet and he is gone, I would rather him be there. But if he has to be deployed, I am going to enjoy having that extra space each night.

4. Clean dirty uniforms- Between the uniforms and his regular clothes, when your spouse deploys you are going to have a lot less laundry to do. This will free up some time from your schedule. You won’t have to wash those dirty uniforms straight from the field. No sand in your washing machine. That might be a nice break.

5. Cook what you don’t like- Cooking will change for you when he deploys. Depending on your children and how old they are, you might be able to get away with not cooking much at all. And you won’t have to cook anything you don’t like. You can also cook what you do like that he might not. My husband is not a big fan of breakfast for dinner so I tend to make that when he is gone. The kids love it!

6. Spend as much on food- Speaking of food, your grocery budget can go down a bit once they are deployment. You also might be able to go longer between shopping trips. See how much food you need to buy each week and go from there. You don’t want to buy too much and end up with some of your food going bad.

7. Share a bathroom- Your bathroom is all for you. No more mess from anyone other than you, unless you let your children use it. But being the only person who uses your bathroom will make the room a bit of a relaxing space for you. Buy some candles and bubble bath and make your bathroom your retreat.

8. Wake up too early- When you have small children you never get to sleep in. When your husband is in the Army and has to wake up for PT, you never get to sleep in. When they are deployed, you might actually be able to catch some extra zzzs without your spouse waking you up trying to find his PT gear.

Are you going through a deployment right now? What haven’t you had to do since your spouse has been gone?

4 Steps To Turn A Bad Deployment Day Around

by Leave a Comment

4 Steps To Turn A Bad Deployment Day Around4 Steps To Turn A Bad Deployment Day Around

No matter how long your deployment is or how many deployments you have gone through, you will have good deployment days and bad deployment days. Usually, the first few weeks are going to be the most difficult and then the last month will crawl by. But in between the beginning and the end of the deployment, you will have days where you feel like you are rocking military spouse life and days where you feel like you can’t make it through another deployment day.

So what should you do if you are going through a bad deployment day? How can you make that day better and turn things around? Here are 4 steps that can turn a bad deployment day around and make the deployment a little more bearable.

1. Cry it out. Stop what you are doing, find your bed, your couch or wherever you feel comfortable and have a good cry. Let everything out. Take a moment to do this. Your body might need this release. If you don’t want to cry in front of your kids, go into your bedroom and shut the door. If you have to wait until bedtime, do so. There have been many nights where I kept things together during the day and then after bedtime, I was able to let go and work on feeling better about my day. I tend to be a more emotional person and crying is how I deal with stress and disappointment. Others might not need to cry but simply spend some time by themselves and that can be just as helpful.

2. Journal. After you cry everything out, get out your journal and start writing. Write about what is bothering you. Write about your day. Write about your hopes and dreams for the future. Just start writing. Doing so will be a way to get your thoughts out and start to feel better. You could also write a letter to your spouse. This can also be helpful and sometimes the bad day comes because of lack of communication with your spouse. If you have a place to tell your spouse about your day and what is going on, you could get out of your funk and start to feel better. If you have never written in a journal before, now is the time to start. Go buy yourself a cute journal and some pens and create a place to write during the deployment.

3. Make Plans. After you cry it out and journal, make plans for the next day, week or month. Fill up your calendar. Make plans for the very next day even if they are simple. There are a lot of things you can do to stay busy during a deployment. If you don’t know what else to do, put your kids in the stroller and go for a walk, take yourself out to dinner or do something different from what you normally do. Staying busy will help you get through this deployment and that starts with making plans and putting things down on your calendar.

4. Go to bed. After you have done what you can to turn things around, just go to bed. Sometimes the morning is all you need to feel better. You can leave that bad day behind and wake up to a new one. One that is one day closer to homecoming and one that can be a lot better than the previous day.

Some days are going to be easier to turn around than others. If you feel like you are just not doing well with the deployment, don’t feel bad about getting some extra help. Sometimes going to see a counselor can be just what you need to get through. I had to do this during our 4th deployment and going to see her was so helpful. Never be afraid to get any help that you might need. Deployments can be emotionally and mentally challenging for us spouses too.

What do you do to turn around a bad deployment day?

 

How To Make Your Holidays Special When Your Heart Is An Ocean Away

by 1 Comment

How To Make Your Holidays Special When Your Heart Is An Ocean AwayHow To Make Your Holidays Special When Your Heart Is An Ocean Away

He left in November of that year for his 2nd deployment. That meant he was going to miss Christmas that year. We also were not going to be going home as we were in Germany and the idea of traveling with a 2-year-old and 4-year-old over the holidays was a little too much. Plus, my parents were coming to visit around my birthday in January.

As I looked ahead to Christmas day I couldn’t help but be sad about my husband missing the holiday. Our boys were still so young. These Christmases are important. They are what we will look back years in the future, the Santa Christmases when everyone was young enough to believe and the toys were rather simple.

But there was nothing I could do. My husband would be in Iraq that Christmas and we would be home in Germany without him. The good thing was I was not alone. There were quite a few other spouses going through the same thing, being without their spouse for Christmas. This included one of my best friends, who also had small children.

We decided that being by ourselves this Christmas wasn’t going to work well for us. We also knew that we needed to plan something to help us get through the day. We made plans. We would spend Christmas morning with our own children, watch them open their gifts and then meet up to make Christmas dinner together while our kids played.

This was one of the best things we could have done. Were we still sad and missing our husbands? Yes, but we had something else to focus on and so did our kids. That Christmas didn’t turn out to be too horrible after all and all it took was a little planning to make the holiday special.

The key to getting through the holiday season without your spouse by your side is to make the holiday special anyway. Do what you can to bring in the Christmas joy, even if you don’t feel like doing so. Here are some great ideas on how to make your holidays special, even when your heart is an ocean away-

Plan Christmas Day

If you celebrate Christmas, plan that day out. What will it look like? Where will you eat? How will you spend that time? You can plan a date with friends or stay home. Whatever will work for you and your family. Just plan something. Even if your plan includes taking the kids to the movies and picking up fast food on the way home.

Save Presents

Save a few presents to open when Dad is back home, even if that will be June. You can have a mini-Christmas later. You don’t even have to let your kids know there are more presents. You can save presents for your deployed spouse as well. Make a fun day of your mini-Christmas after he is home from his deployment.

Take pictures

Your husband might miss Christmas but he can still see what you guys did that day. Take photos of everything you do. Make an album and send that in your next care package or save for when he gets home. Include Christmas memories from your children as well. Your deployed spouse will enjoy reading those too. Ask your deployed spouse for Christmas of their day as well. They might have been able to celebrate a little bit, even if they were overseas. 

Decorate

Decorate your house anyway, even if doing so seems hard. Sometimes people just don’t have the desire to do so but try to make yourself decorate anyway. You will be glad you did. Life can’t stop just because they are deployed. Life has to keep moving, that includes decorating for the season. You can always put your tree up early if your spouse deploys in the fall. Who cares if it is in October? Sometimes us military families do things on a slightly different schedule than everyone else. You can also leave the Christmas decor up longer than usual so your spouse can see everything when he gets home.

What have you done in the past to make Christmas or the holidays special even when your spouse has been away? What advice would you give to new spouses going through their first Christmas alone?