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Military spouse life

The Uncertainty of Military Life As a Military Spouse

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The Uncertainty of Military Life As a Military Spouse

Life as a military spouse can feel like a rollercoaster. It is filled with uncertainty, and that can be so hard to deal with. From not knowing when your loving spouse will be in the same country as you to having no idea where you will be living six months from now.

As a military spouse, uncertainty is apart of the deal. It comes with this crazy life, and it will always be there. We need to figure out ways to handle the unknown, and not let it control our whole life.

Yes, much easier said than done but there are a few things we can do as military spouses to help make this part of military life easier to take.

Accept the Uncertainty of Military Life

Reframing our mindset can go a long way in helping us accept that so much of military life is not set in stone, and there will be a lot of time when we just don’t know what is going to happen next. If we hope that things level out and become more clear, we are going to be disappointed.

While it would be nice to know when a deployment is going to happen, we have to be prepared that dates will change, and things might not work out the way they first said they would. While it would be nice to get firm PCS orders in a timely manner, we need to remember that we might have to wait and wait, and then wait again for everything to get sorted out.

Accepting that this is a part of military life will go a long way in finding contentment and not becoming as frustrated as a military spouse.

Focus On What You Can Control

While we can’t control what the military does, we do have things in our lives that we can. Focusing on those things will go on a long way. You might not be able to control where you are going to be stationed next. You can however control aspects of your move, where you might live, and other parts to your PCS.

Focus on what you need to do next for your own life and career. Figure out what your family needs that you can give to them. Try not to dwell on what is out of your control, and focus on what is in your control.

Find Support

You are definitely not the only military spouse out there getting frustrated over the uncertainty of everything. Even others not related to the military can go through periods of time when life is so uncertain. Life in general is a mix of good and bad, waiting for something to happen, and then moving forward.

Find mentors and seasoned spouses to connect with. These people will know that life as a miltary spouse can be all over the place sometimes. They probably have tips and tricks that have worked for them that they can pass on to you.

You never ever have to walk military life alone. There is both in person and online support out there. Find it, and work with your local community to find ways to help each other through.

Never Ever Write in Pen

This is simple. Invest in some cute pencils and an erasar. Anything can be changed at any time for any reason. Hope for the best, always, but plan for change too. Sometimes, those changes are what lead you to amazing places.

As a military spouse, things can feel a bit out of your control at time, and they are. But that doesn’t mean you can’t find the joy in this life anyway. Find ways to adapt to this crazy life and you might even surprise yourself over how much you actually do have control over.

Not All Military Housing is Created Equal, and Other Truths About Military Spouse Life

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I never thought I would be a military spouse. When I met my husband, he was 25 and had already served a few years in the Army. Little did I know that life would lead him back to the military, and make me a military spouse.

There have been so many surprises along the way, and I have learned so much. Here are just a few truths about military spouse life. Can you relate?

You might be told X will happen, but that doesn’t mean it will

There have been so many times when military plans have changed. From deployments to trainings to appointments. Military life is all about change. Nothing is ever set in stone, and it is probably best to assume nothing will happen a certain way until it actually does.

Military life isn’t fair!

Your spouse might deploy a lot more than other spouses. You might not ever end up at the “best” duty stations. Some service members take longer to promote than others. The best thing to do is to celebrate when you are the one to get good news and be humble when you see that your friend or neighbor has not.

Not all military housing is created equal

I cried when we moved into our orange duplex at our 2nd duty station in Germany. That house was amazing! And to think we got that excellent house just because we moved to a new duty station, not because of a change of rank or position. That the two homes could be so different was unbelievable to me. Some housing is much better than others, and that can be a frustrating reality of military life.

You will grow without your spouse by your side

During military life, you and your spouse will grow and change. Everyone does. Sometimes, this will happen when they are not home. During a deployment, you can grow and change, and because you have, life can be a bit of a challenge once your spouse gets home. Remember this during the redeployment period, and remember why you decided to be together in the first place.

Your parenting will look a little different

Survival mode is very real and sometimes being in survival mode means you let things go and your parenting will change because of that. Try not to let this get you down, real-life sometimes doesn’t mix with our ideals. Do your best and at the end of the day, give yourself some grace.

You will surprise yourself

During the last 15 years, I have done things I never thought I could. I have been stretched and strengthened because of everything I have been through. Military life will mold you into the person you are meant to be. And you will look back and might be surprised about everything you have had to go through to get there.

When military life is over, you might not want to leave

As much as you think you are ready to leave military life behind, doing so isn’t as easy as you think the transition will be. You might find yourself missing parts of military life and wondering why you and your spouse decided that chapter must be closed. You might get upset that your spouse had to leave because of medical issues. Give yourself time to adjust to the after military lifestyle.

The “worst” duty station might be your favorite

A few duty stations out there have the reputation of being the worst place you could get stationed. Places you really don’t want to go, and for a lot of them, there is a good reason for that. But sometimes, the “worst” duty station may be your favorite place.

Maybe you have figured out how to bloom where you are planted, or maybe you just made some amazing friends, but for whatever reason, you will always look back at that duty station as some of the best years of your military life.

How long have you been a military spouse? What have you learned along the way?

Military Spouse Appreciation Day: A Tradition of Strength, Love, and Legacy

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May 9th, 2025, is Military Spouse Appreciation Day!

Military Spouse Appreciation Day recognizes and appreciates military spouses. It is always celebrated on the Friday before Mother’s Day. The US President typically commemorates this day with a ceremonial speech and proclamation each year.

In 1984, President Ronald Reagan recognized the importance of military spouses and their commitment to their service members. He declared May 23rd, 1984, the first Military Spouse Day. The Secretary of Defence, Casper Weinberger, declared it the Friday before Mother’s Day.

Presidental Proclamations

“Throughout the years, as the numbers of our married men and women in uniform have grown and as their military missions have become more complex and dispersed, their spouses have made countless personal sacrifices to support the Armed Forces. In many instances, they subordinated their personal and professional aspirations to the greater benefit of the service family. Responding to the call of duty, they frequently endured long periods of separation or left familiar surroundings and friends to re-establish their homes in distant places. And there they became American ambassadors abroad.

As volunteers, military spouses have provided exemplary service and leadership in educational, community, recreational, religious, social and cultural endeavors. And as parents and homemakers, they preserve the cornerstone of our Nation’s strength — the American family.” – A part of President Ronald Reagan’s Proclamation, April 17, 1984.

“Military spouses share the sacrifices of service with our Nation’s men and women in uniform. As members of the Armed Forces serve in the United States and across the world, military spouses also serve our Nation. When a servicemember goes to war, we know their spouse also shares in that sacrifice. I am inspired by their commitment to family and our Nation, and on Military Spouse Day, we honor these individuals for their contributions.” – A part of President Barack Obama’s Proclamation, May 08, 2009.

All About Military Spouses

According to the White House Military Spouse Demographics and Employment Information sheet, there are approximately 1 million military spouses, including 624,000 active duty spouses and 372,000 Selected Reserve/National Guard spouses.

Approximately 50% of active duty spouses are under 30, but the average age of active duty spouses is 31.5.

92% of active duty spouses are female, and 89% of active duty military spouses have some college education or higher.

Active duty military spouses also have a 24% unemployment rate, and 74% have children at home.

Why is Military Spouse Appreciation Day Important?

Military life can sometimes feel like quite a lot. There can be too much deployment, too much change, and too much loneliness. It’s important to recognize that what we do as military spouses matters.

We have the privilege of supporting those who serve our country, from sending them off to war to welcoming them back home. As military spouses and partners, we let them know that someone is in their corner and that they have someone to come home to.

Military life involves many sacrifices, and sometimes, those sacrifices can hit us pretty hard. So, it is important to have a day when the country acknowledges what we go through and experience. When so many service members are married and have a family, support for the military spouse is essential.

I am thankful to have been a part of the military community. We have so many amazing people in it, doing such amazing things.

Happy Military Spouse Appreciation Day! May you feel loved and seen, and know that what you do is all a part of making our country a better place 🙂

The Best Lessons a Military Spouse Can Learn

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The Best Lessons a Military Spouse Can Learn

As we are getting close to the end of this decade, I decided to go into my Shutterfly account and try to organize my photos a bit more. As I was looking through older photos I came across one from Thanksgiving 2012.

I think my husband was home, but we got together with a bunch of friends and their kids and looking at that photo brought back so many memories. Of time with this circle of friends. A group that slowly fell apart because of one move or one PCS after another.

I am actually still here, and everyone else has moved on but it really made me think about what we go through as military spouses. I thought about all the lessons we can learn during our time as a military spouse. It really made me reflected on how I have grown as a person over the years since my husband re-joined the military so many years ago. I’m sure many of you can relate 🙂

Friendships Won’t Stay the Same

I love having a friend circle. A group of other women I can talk with, vent with, and depend on. A group of other people who get me.

I am so thankful I have found this during my years as a military spouse, however, my friend circles are always temporary. Always. Sure, I am still friends with those people, we keep in touch for the most part, and follow each others lives.

But it will never be the same as it was when we all lived in the same town, or when our husbands were all deployed, or when we all had two-year-old boys to entertain, just trying to figure out how to get through the day.

Time moves own, PCSing happens, and we figure out how to say goodbye and go forward.

And that is just apart of this military life. A part that is hard to take sometimes. A part that will stop you in your tracks as you remember a fun memory or a time when you were all together.

I also know that those memories will always be with me. I will never forget the Space-A trip we took together when our husbands were deployed, the late-night shopping on Black Friday, or just the simple day-to-day moments of getting together to let the kids play.

I still value these friendships even though the miles separate us. I still think about these women, even if we never talk anymore. And I always have hope of finding new friends along the way. Not to replace the old, but to add to my life experiences.

Homesickness Can Hit Hard

I haven’t lived at my parent’s house full time since I left for college over twenty years ago. I still get homesick. I still have moments where I think for a few minutes about how I could move back.

Wherever you call home will probably always call to you in some way. Maybe it is your family, and all the fun you have together. Maybe it is the warmth you feel every time you visit your hometown. Maybe it is just longing for a place that is so imprinted on your heart, you know you will never truly let it go.

I always wanted to move away from home. I always wanted to see other places and experience different ways of living. But there is still apart of me that can get pretty homesick sometimes. It doesn’t last too long but the feeling is there.

You might be ready to take on the world. You might be living in Europe or Japan and know how exciting it is that you get to do so. And you might be hit with homesickness all the same. Hitting you in the face when you least expect it too.

I think this is just another part of military life we military spouses can experience. We are the family that doesn’t live there anymore. We can feel like the outsider. And those emotions aren’t always easy to deal with at times.

Making our new duty station or city feel like home is key. Even if we know we will only be there for a few years, we can figure out ways to connect to our community, and enjoy what is before us.

Deployments Can Be Good For Us

I never wanted my husband to deploy. The deployments were never at the right time…and always seem to throw a wrench into the plan for my life. However, in someways deployments were good for me.

I learned how to be more independent whether that meant taking care of two toddlers by myself or learning to mow the lawn and other chores I otherwise never would have done.

I figured out that I am stronger than I think I am. I figured out that I could do things that I never dreamed were possible. And that if I have to do them in the future, I can handle what comes our way.

I learned how I can truly be a good friend to a struggling military spouse and how to let people help when I was the one in need.

Deployments can be too long and make you just want to cry but they can also help you grow as a person. I will always be thankful for that.

Plans Change And That’s Okay

How many times have plans changed for you as a military spouse? Maybe you went through an unexpected deployment or a PCS to a place you never thought you would end up. Whatever it is, you start to get used to things always changing in the military.

I really learned this during our 15-month deployment that was at one point only supposed to be 9 months, then later 12. I learned this when I was told it would take just about a month to join my husband in Germany and we had to wait 4.5. I learned this when he deployed for the 3rd time and we weren’t sure if he would be gone for 5 months or over a year.

Things change all the time and nothing can feel predictable. But…sometimes these changes end up bringing us to a better place. Sometimes these changes lead us to places and people we never would have imagined. Sometimes these changes were exactly what we needed in our life.

This isn’t to say that every time the military changes its mind we should be happy about it. It’s okay to be frustrated but it can also give us an opportunity for growth and change that we never would have had otherwise. A chance to embrace something a little scary and see where that might lead.

What lessons have you learned as a military spouse this last year?

Don’t forget to check out The Newbie’s Guide to Military Life: Surviving a PCS and More by Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life and Mrs Navy Mama. Your guide for learning about military life.

The Pros and Cons of Life as a Military Family

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Family with toddler

Life as a Military Family

At some point in your life, you, as a military spouse, had to decide to become a part of a military family. Either you choose to marry someone in the military, someone who would be joining the military, or you and your spouse decide together that they would join the military.

If you have been a military spouse for any length of time, you already know that military life is filled with highs and lows. There are pros and cons to this lifestyle. Within the years that your spouse serves, some will be better than others.

The Pros of Life as a Military Family

Community

One of the biggest pros of being in a military family is involvement in the military community. While this may differ a little based on where you are stationed, some fantastic, close-knit military communities exist. In addition, there are support groups and other types of groups military spouses can join to find community.

Living Somewhere New

Moving every few years can come with a lot of stress, but it can also be an amazing thing to experience living in different places. You will, of course, love some places over others, but learning about new areas and cultures is a fantastic perk about being in a military family.

The Benefits

It can be easy to dismiss some benefits, but they are very much in the pro column regarding military life. TRICARE can be a significant pain sometimes, but these benefits are HUGE compared to what you might find in some civilian jobs. In addition to TRICARE, military life comes with BAH, money for housing, BAS, money for food, and access to military discounts.

Lessons Learned

During your time as a military spouse, you will learn so much. You will learn about yourself, about patience, and how to be resilient, and you will be able to accomplish more than you ever thought you would be able to do. These are life lessons you will gain and take with you for the rest of your life.

The Cons of Life as a Military Family

Being in a military family makes for a complex life. And not everything is so great. Some things about this life can be pretty tricky. Let’s talk about the cons of life as a military family:

You Probably Can’t Live Near Family

While there are times when you may be able to get stationed near family, and in some cases, they might move to where you are, for most military families, once they join the military, you will no longer be able to live close to home. This can be difficult for some people. Raising children far from grandparents, extended family never seeing you, and just feeling like you don’t have a place at home anymore can be hard to handle.

Deployments

I think we all know having to send our spouse away to war and missing them for months at a time is a big con to this life. That doesn’t mean every second of deployment will be horrible. Many positive things can come from a deployment, and at the end of the day, a deployment is what our service members train for. Still, they are never easy to overcome and can be a big con in military life.

Uncertainty

If you are a planner like me, the uncertainty of military life can drive you crazy. Even if you get orders, they could change. If you get a long-awaited date, it might not be set in stone. You must be flexible and never assume anything is 100% until after it happens.

Career Challenges For Military Spouses

When you must move often, a military spouse’s career can take a hit. Having to start over every few years is exhausting. Luckily, there are many military spouse employment resources out there to help.

It can be easy to list the pros and cons of military life, but at the end of the day, your family needs to do what is best for your spouse and your family. While the cons can feel overwhelming, the pros might just be worth continuing in this military life.

The Pros and Cons of Life as a Military Family

Loneliness: The Military Spouse’s Companion

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So happy to have this guest post by Victoria on loneliness and what you can do about it during military life. Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know if you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life too.

Loneliness: The Military Spouse’s Companion

“I’m having trouble fitting in around here.”

“How can I make friends at this new base?”

I see these comments or variations on many military spouse websites. And, of course, the pandemic didn’t help the feeling of loneliness and isolation. If you are a MilSpo, you have felt this at one time or another. You’ve just moved to a new location. You haven’t had time to explore your new community or meet the neighbors, what with unpacking boxes and enrolling the kids in their new school, and getting them settled.

When we moved to Oklahoma in 2009, my adult daughter was concerned because we had been there for a few months, and I wasn’t talking about any new friends yet. I’m uber extroverted, so for me not to be relating stories about all the new friends I’d made by now was disconcerting for her.

The problem was that we only had one car, and we didn’t live on base, so it was harder for me to get around and meet people. I assured her I was okay, and I had a lunch date with a group of women the next day. Life was good, although I was more than ready to get my social life going.

I’m afraid my advice for counteracting loneliness might not sit well with introverts. However, it is necessary if you want to get the most out of your military assignment. 

Get Out: You have to get out of your house and introduce yourself to your neighbors—whether you live on base or post. People are busy, so the days when neighbors stopped by with a plate of cookies are rare, even though their intentions might be good. In Oklahoma, I made the cookies and took them to the neighbors to introduce myself.

Join In: Join, join, join anything that interests you: spouse clubs, chapel groups, the PTA at your children’s school. Anywhere you can find like-minded people. Spouse clubs usually have smaller clubs such as book clubs, Bunko, golf, bowling, Mahjong — just about anything you are interested in doing.

Volunteer: When you help out others, you are helping yourself as well. So many organizations on base can use your help, and I’ve made some of my closest friends through volunteering. Check with your Family Readiness Center for volunteer opportunities on your installation.

Do It: I can hear some of you already saying you are shy and have a tough time putting yourself out there. My response is to say, “too bad. Suck it up and do it anyway.” Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it is necessary to make an effort to find your niche if you want to get the most enjoyment out of your life as a MilSpo. And remember, the more you do it, the easier it gets!

Loneliness: The Military Spouse’s Companion

Victoria Terrinoni is the author of “Where You Go, I Will Go: Lessons From a Military Spouse,” available on Amazon. Her husband, Dave, retired in 2018 after 31 years in the Air Force. They live in central Illinois so that they can spoil two of their four grandchildren. She has a blog about her military life at https://victoriaterrinoni.wordpress.com

What Milspouses Need When They Are Feeling Lonely

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Loneliness and deployments go hand and hand, don’t they? It just seems to be apart of the deal. We miss our spouse or partner when they are away, and that loneliness can come after too many days apart.

I know I feel it. Sometimes very strongly.

Loneliness can hit at the most random of times. From when I see another couple holding hands or our favorite song comes on the radio…yes I sometimes still listen to the radio, don’t judge 😉

Right after my husband left for his first deployment, I was sitting with a few other wives. We were waiting to see the men drive by on the buses, so we could wave goodbye one last time. As we sat there, we really didn’t know what we were really dealing with.

We didn’t know then how hard the deployment would be. How scary the deployment would feel at times. We really had no idea how lonely we would feel over the months our husbands were deployed.

As the deployment got going, the feeling of loneliness took over me. I remember sitting in my bathroom, after my son went to sleep, wondering how I was going to get through that time without my husband. He is the one person I could talk to about anything.

Even the silly things. The everyday things. The things spouses talk about with one another.

So what can you do when you are feeling so lonely during a deployment? What do milspouses need when they are feeling this way?

A true community

Maybe it is online, maybe it is friends at your duty station, but you need to find some type of community. A group of people to help you through and help you get through that loneliness.

Finding that community can be quite difficult sometimes. You might not feel like you belong or that anyone else cares. But people do, many people do. You just have to find them.

Military spouse communities can be your best support. Other spouses who get it and understand. Other spouses who know all about that deployment loneliness and can get what you are going through.

A good support system

Your support system goes even deeper than your community. It is your parents and your siblings and your friends back at home. It is your milspouse best friend and your civilian neighbors that can help you out when you need it.

Us military spouses need people we can vent to without judgment. We need people who we can call if we have to take a kid to the ER or need someone to help us out with some type of issue. And we need people we can connect with when that loneliness sets in.

Ways to stay busy

Staying busy is one of the best things you can do to get through a deployment. Even more so when that loneliness sets in. You can stay busy in your home, working on projects. You can stay busy by going out, and even hanging out with other people.

Although right now that might be a bit difficult with 2020 and all, normally, finding those friends to spend time with will speed up your deployment.

Back when we were going through a deployment in Germany, a friend and I would let each other know when we needed a “steak night.” That meant, going to one of our houses, ordering pizza for the kids, and making ourselves a nice steak dinner.

It was a way to stay busy, spend time with friends, and that helped so much with the loneliness both of us were feeling.

What do you do when you are starting to feel lonely during a deployment?

When Your Spouse Wants to Join the Military, But You Are Not So Sure

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When Your Spouse Wants to Join the Military, But You Are Not So Sure

So your spouse is thinking of joining the military?

When I married my husband, the Army was a part of his past. He had served in the military when he was younger, and that was before my time. He had stories and photos, and that was about it. We were married as civilians and started our life together.

But the funny thing about life is you never know where you might end up. You never know where the road might take you. And even though I married my husband not thinking about being a military spouse, a few years later, that’s exactly what I became.

After being married for over three years, my husband re-joined the Army, and we became a military family. Everything seemed to change when that happened. Everything about our future, our children and future children, and how our life would play out changed.

Now, some military spouses marry their service member after they have already joined the military. Some get married right when they joined. But there are many of us who were with their service member before they decided to join.

You may be in a place where your spouse or partner is thinking about joining the military. And this is making you a bit nervous. They want to join the military but you are not totally sure. The military is a whole new world and you could be having a few reservations about the decision to join.

This is totally normal. Joining the military can lead to some major changes in your life. When your spouse signs up for the military, you might have to move far away, you might have to find a new job, and your life might feel like it has been turned upside down.

The truth is, if you are already together before the military, you both need to be a part of the decision to join. You need to have discussions about what joining will mean, and how life might have to change. Because, yes, life is going to change.

Here are a few things you can do if your spouse has decided they want to join the military or if they are starting to ask questions about the process:

Ask your questions

Don’t be afraid to ask questions. You might have some fears or worries about what military life will be like, and it is best to seek out answers. The more you know about what you are getting into, the better.

Have some serious discussions about what your spouse has in mind when they join the military. Will this be a big career change or something they want to try for a few years? Sometimes, they might not even know but feel they need to at least try it to find out.

Remember, everyone’s military life looks different

Before my husband joined the military, I thought I had an idea of what our years as a military family would look like. But I never could have predicted the reality.

You can talk to other military spouses about their experiences to get an idea of what to expect, but keep in mind that your reality might be different. Even the amount of times your spouse will be deployed during a given amount of time can be all over the place based on what is going on in the world, your spouse’s job in the military, and where they are stationed.

You are stronger than you think

One of the biggest lessons I have learned as a military spouse of almost 16 years is that I am much stronger than I think I am. When this whole journey started, I didn’t think I could ever be a solo parent. I found the idea impossible.

But I realized quickly that what once has seemed impossible was actually possible. Is it always easy? No, solo parenting is very challenging and some days, it does feel impossible. But us military spouses get through those times. We have to.

So while you might fear that you are not capable of this, you might actually be able to get through the challenging parts of military life. We rarely feel we can conquer the mountains of military life, but we do.

Plan to make friends

If your spouse does go on to join the military, plan to make friends. You will need them. These other spouses who get how a deployment might go, or what moving every three years is really like.

As you join the military community you will be able to find mentors and other seasoned spouses who have been there. You will be able to connect with others and find your own “battle buddies.” You will make memories with these other military spouses, and they will become the best part of your military life.

Take it all day by day

In many parts of military life, you will have to take things day by day. This starts from day one when they leave for basic training.

There is so much to this life, and so many changes, that each day can be different from the next.

Try not to sweat all the small things, and look forward to the future. There are so many amazing parts to being a military spouse. Military life is truly the good mixed with the bad.

If your spouse wants to join the military, take this request seriously. Talk things over, and see if this is something you can support your spouse on.

Each family is different, and joining the military might not be the best choice for every family. But if you and your spouse decide that joining is the right choice, know you have a big community of other military spouses out there to help you through. You got this!