Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Military spouse life

The Rocky Road Ahead For a Military Spouse

by Leave a Comment

The Rocky Road Ahead

She is standing there, looking at the rocky road ahead, unsure what is next and what the future will look like. Such is the life of a military spouse.

He got his orders and is packing his bags, how are we doing this again? How is it time?

She promises she will be strong, she has done this before, she can do it again. She will conquer this rocky road ahead.

He has heard the rumors, but now he knows they are true.

She will be leaving soon, a few months earlier than they thought. How will he make it through this deployment? The one he thought he would be prepared for, but now feels like it never will be. That rocky road ahead.

As military spouses around the world know, there is good and there is bad when it comes to military life. There are the highs and there are the lows. There are easier times and times when it feels like the road is a little too rocky. When it feels like it is a little too much to endure.

We do what we can when we are faced with this rocky road. We depend on our friends and hope and pray they will understand all the emotions we might have in the next few months.

We work to stay busy but sometimes even that isn’t enough. And sometimes the busy is what causes the stress, and we have to pull back. We have to work to find that balance that seems almost impossible to find.

We pull the tools we have used in the past out of our deployment tool kit and pray they will work again. And sometimes they do. And sometimes they don’t.

We want to believe we can get through anything, truly anything that rocky road brings, but somedays we are unsure we can.

We take the good and the bad and hope that overall we can smile more than shed tears. We hope that we can laugh more than feel defeated. We hope that we can depend on one another when times get a little too hard.

Whether you are a brand new military spouse or a more seasoned one, we all feel that pit in our stomachs, when the orders come, when the date fall, when the buses leave.

We miss them when they are gone, but also understand why they had to go. We make plans to enjoy the time apart but hope that time goes by quickly and doesn’t drag on too much.

As military spouses, we are presented with that rocky road ahead so many times. It might be looking an overseas PCS in the face, or it might be a deployment that came out of nowhere. It might be struggling with a loss in the family, or trying to find your way back after a difficult season.

As military spouses, we also know that we can find the strength to get to the other side. We know that we have done it before, as so many others have done too. We know that we might need to take it one day at a time, but that soon enough we will be at the end, ready for the next season of our lives.

What is your biggest military spouse struggle? What do you do when you are faced with it?

The Ups and the Downs of Military Life

by Leave a Comment

The Ups and the Downs of Military Life

My military spouse life today looks completely different than it did back 15-16 years ago. For one thing, back then, my husband was active duty Army, and we were stationed in Germany. What was going on in the world, and Iraq and Afghanistan at the time were very different than what is going on today.

Technology was a bit different too. We didn’t have as much access to our service members when they were deployed, and it was harder to connect with them overseas.

I still experience the ups and downs of military life. The back and the forth. The good and the bad.

When your spouse first joins the military, or you marry a service member, military life can be a big shock to the system. For some things change a lot. You go from a civilian spouse coming home at 5 on the dot to a deployment. You can go from your parent’s house to your own house halfway around the world. Military life comes with a lot of changes.

But we spouses, we adapt, we have to.

We work to find community. We try to find people we can connect with. We don’t want to go through all of this alone.

We hit the speed bumps, which can really throw us off if we don’t see them coming. We know they might be ahead but we can lie to ourselves and pretend they won’t affect us. But then they do. And we can feel pretty sad about it all.

But then things change. Life changes. Things get easier, if only for a little while.

You might PCS to a new duty station, closer to home. A deployment might get canceled, or you meet someone you click with so well, that you know you will always have each other’s back.

When that happens, you start to feel like you can do it. You can rock whatever comes at you. And you know what? That’s such a wonderful feeling.

But it is okay if that feeling doesn’t last. Because sometimes this military life can be so hard.

I have learned over the years that I have to take care of myself, no matter what is coming my way. I have to find those times for self-care, even within the crazy. I have to find friends to be with and talk with. I have to balance my life so that I don’t become too overwhelmed.

And after all these years, I am still tweaking things. I am still figuring out what works best and how to get through time away from my husband or any other military struggle that comes up.

If you are new to military life, you may be feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything you have to deal with.

From TRICARE to PCSing, from the MWR to DEERS. There is so much to know.

The reality is you don’t have to know everything right now. You will learn over time and you will figure out how best to get through this life.

So many military spouses have come before you and will help you on your journey.

There are so many resources out there, from organizations like Blue Star Families offering different events to companies like MilSpouse Conversations offering places to connect and talk with each other. I also have blog posts on topics such as deployments, PCSing, and more.

If you are new to military life, know that there will be ups and downs in this lifestyle. Not every day will be good but not every day will be bad either. And those really bad days? You will figure out ways to get through them. To get to a better place.

What helps you get to a better place when you are feeling down?

If you are in the San Diego area, come to the Spill THEE Tea – Conversations with a milspouse panel sponsored by Blue Star Families on September 8th, 2022 from 6-8 pm PT. Sign up here.

Why All Military Spouses Should Join the Military Spouse Advocacy Network (MSAN)

by 1 Comment

Why All Military Spouses Should Join the Military Spouse Advocacy Network

I’ve been a military spouse for a little over a year now. Prior to becoming a milspouse, my husband and I dated long distance for years. This was great “training” for what life would be like together- but apart. I always joined the local FRG to access information, discover local meet-ups, and meet new people. I WISH I had known about the support offered by MSAN.

Flash forward to this year I decided upon a career change for many reasons, one of which was the uncertainties in life that come with being a milspouse. I discovered MSAN through LinkedIn and am taken back by the network of support that is offered. MSAN has connected me with so many other spouses who have pointed me in the right direction on the path to a new career. It is incredible how many phone calls, messages, and job postings have been shared with me through other members of MSAN.

I became a mentor with MSAN this past June. I am grateful to have the opportunity to give back to other spouses, the way many spouses have done for me. As a mentor, I help others navigate the ins and outs of TRICARE, DEERS, and other military-related services. MSAN mentors also offer a listening ear, for we are all in this together. One of my favorite parts of being a mentor at MSAN is my responsibility to post a new recipe every “Tasty Thursday” on our Mentorship HUB. Curious about MSAN? Shoot me a message! I would love to connect you with our resources. 

Nina Dahl is a Plant mom and pizza enthusiast on the search for the best slice in Florida. Loves her new job, her family, and going to the beach. Energized by CrossFit, helping others, and romance novels. You can contact Nina at ndahl@milspouseadvocacynetwork.org or find her on LinkedIn.

A Military Spouse For All Seasons

by 1 Comment

It’s fall! As I look out the window I can see the colors of the trees. I love how beautiful the fall in Tennessee is. Watching the leaves change is also a reminder of a new season approaching and the old one letting go.

As military spouses, our lives can be broken up into seasons. At first, we are a new spouse, asking all the questions. Then we become more seasoned and find ourselves offering advice.

We go through seasons of deployment, then reintegration, and then deployment once again. Hoping that we can take what we have learned from the past and apply it to the future. Hoping the next deployment is a little easier, even if deployments don’t work that way.

We go through seasons of pcsing. Our spouse gets orders to a new place. We research and learn as much as we can. We prepare and countdown the days. Then moving day arrives and we travel to our new home.

At first, we don’t know where anything is and have to ask for directions to the PX. But time passes and we find our community. We find our place. Knowing that there will be another PCS again in the future.

We go through seasons of “normal” life when our spouse comes home from work just like other spouses do. We spend the weekends together as a family, and life just goes on. But we can’t completely relax because we know things can and will change again in the future.

We find new friends and get to know one another, getting excited about what we have in common. If we are lucky we can spend years together, knowing one day the military will cause us to have to part. But we cherish the time we have together as much as we can because we know how quickly things can change.

As the seasons change, so do our lives. We might live in the south, soaking up the humidity, and swatting away the bugs, and the next year we will be sitting by a fire in Germany, wondering when the snow will actually melt.

The seasons with our kids change as well. That first deployment we might have babies, and by the fifth one, teenagers. No two deployments are the same and this is one of the biggest reasons why. The seasons of our lives have changed and so do our challenges.

As you go through these changes, remember, the bad seasons do not last forever and through them, there are so many lessons for us to learn. During the easier seasons of life, we might be able to reach out and help others on their own military journey.

If you are sick of your duty station, don’t worry, seasons will change and you will be on the move once again.

If you are sick of a deployment, remember, the days do pass and you will be at the end, and into a new season of them being home.

If you are struggling with your kids, struggling with work, or struggling in general, you can find ways to help. You can figure out what you can do to make life a little easier. And you can remember that this is just a season in your life, and things won’t always be this way.

I know this fall season that I love will pass quickly. One day I will look up at the trees and see most of them have lost their colors. I will start needing a jacket everywhere I go, and might even see some snowflakes. This will be a reminder to me that seasons change in the world, just like they do in my military life.

What season are you going through right now?

How to Encourage a Military Spouse

by Leave a Comment

This post contains affiliate links!

How to Encourage a Military Spouse

By Lizann Lightfoot, the Seasoned Spouse

Military spouses and loved ones face a variety of challenges during military life. Sometimes, military paperwork and protocols cause the headaches. Other times, it is the challenge of taking care of the house and kids alone while the service member is away. Whether you or brand new or a “seasoned spouse,” there are always a million ways the military can ruin your day. 

When you hear a military spouse complaining about one frustration or another, it may be tempting to tell them to “just deal with it” because “hey, that’s military life!” But phrases like that are not actually encouraging and don’t solve any problems. Instead, here are some ways to truly encourage a military spouse—even if you aren’t one yourself!

Empathize. Even if you can’t relate to a military spouse’s exact situation, there’s a good chance you have experienced similar feelings of frustration or anxiety. You don’t have to raise 3 kids on your own while your spouse is deployed across the world to understand that a parent in that situation is going to be stressed and need some extra support! As you listen to their story, try to find words to describe their feelings—exhausted, disappointed, etc. Think about moments when you experienced those same emotions, and then share what was helpful to you during those challenges. 

Validate their feelings. Often, people are confused or overwhelmed by military life challenges, and they aren’t even sure if their reactions are “normal” for a military spouse or significant other. It may be reassuring for them to hear that their experience is actually quite common. There isn’t just one “right way” to be a military spouse. Everyone handles stress and sudden changes differently. So whatever they are experiencing right now is totally normal. It doesn’t have to be the right or wrong way to feel, it’s just a human response. 

“You’re not alone.” Military life can be very isolating. Many spouses and significant others find themselves living far from family, in an unfamiliar town, with very few friends. Oh, and then their service member has to go train for a few weeks or months. It’s no surprise if they feel frustrated and overwhelmed! Military spouses love to connect with each other and find fellow milsos who are having similar experiences. Let them know you can relate to their current struggle. They aren’t the only person who has ever navigated a deployment or a PCS move. There can be comfort in realizing that thousands of military spouses and loved ones have faced similar challenges and figured out a way to handle them.

Don’t judge. We’ve all been in situations where people offered less than helpful advice. One example is someone saying we “knew what we were signing up for” when we became military spouses. Newsflash—that doesn’t actually make a difficult situation any better. When someone is struggling, don’t tell them to get over it or stop being weak. Meet them where they are, without judgement.

Offer practical suggestions. There usually isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution to a crisis. But there is probably a resource somewhere that may help. If you know about a national program, a military discount, or a non-profit organization that could be useful, then share it! If you have a simple strategy or routine that works for you when you are in a similar situation, then let a milspouse know your tips and tricks! And if the problem seems too big for either one of you to handle, don’t be afraid to recommend professionals like counselors, doctors, or chaplains. Sometimes, just using one new resource can make all the difference during a stressful situation like a deployment or PCS move. Your practical suggestion might make a huge difference in another milso’s life. 

Write an “Open When” letter. To share words of encouragement when they will be needed most, write a note for your milspouse friend to open during a specific occasion. I did this in my new book, “Open When: Letters of Encouragement for Military Spouses.” Each letter speaks to a specific challenge of military life. Some are small, like “Open When You’ve Missed a Phone Call,” but other letters speak to heart-wrenching moments, like “Open When You Have to Leave a Home You Love.” The book releases on September 21, 2021, from Elva Resa Publishing, but it is available for pre-order now online, wherever books are sold! 

In my book, I combined all of the above strategies to create a resource that is truly encouraging and helpful. Inside, every military spouse will find a letter that speaks to them. The book makes the perfect gift for someone dating a service member or new to military life. It is also a great way to celebrate a “seasoned spouse” with experiences and memories they can relate to, and a final section of letters all about the later years of military life. Whether you are a military spouse who needs an occasional friendly word, or you have a friend who could use some support, turn to the book, “Open When: Letters of Encouragement for Military Spouses.”

The Best Advice I Can Give To a Military Spouse

by Leave a Comment

Happy to have this guest post by Megan on her best advice for a military spouse.

The best advice I can give a new military spouse is to brace yourself. Being a military spouse is hard work. It does not matter what branch, what rank, if you’re full-time, guard, or reserve. Military life is a big adjustment and you cannot prepare yourself for it.

I married my husband 5 years ago. He is in the Army National Guard and we were part-time. He had a civilian job, went to drill one weekend a month, and training two weeks a year. Or that’s what I was told.

After we were married things changed very quickly. Suddenly, he was putting on a uniform every day and going to work at the armory. There were schools he went to that lasted a month or more. There were classes he would travel to go to.

For Hurricane duty, he would pack a bag at a moment’s notice, leave and I didn’t know when he would be back. Annual training went from two weeks to three and then to four weeks. Before I knew it, he was gone all the time.

One year, from January to August he was only home for 10 weeks. Now I am in our first deployment and that really shocked me to the core. Even though I was used to him not being home, deployment created several new issues I had not planned on having to struggle with. It is hard being the only adult making decisions and trying to roll through whatever Murphy’s Law is throwing at you.

The Best Advice I Can Give To a Military Spouse

So, the advice I give to spouses I talk with is to:

  • Breathe…..take it one day at a time.
  • If you can’t take it day by day, that’s ok. Take it hour by hour, minute by minute. You do whatever you need to do to survive that day.
  • Every day will get a little easier and so will the next and the next. Before long you will be a professional conquering Murphy’s Law and navigating through the military world.
  • Find your tribe, lean on other spouses. Other spouses are your best resource for information and support. They might not be in the same boat, but they are in the same storm.
  • Most importantly…..take care of you!! If you are not taking care of yourself, you cannot take care of anyone else.

Best of luck to all new military spouses. I hope you enjoy this life as much as I do.

My name is Megan Davis. I have a full-time paying job and volunteer jobs that I love. I currently work as a Personnel Supervisor at Westaff where I match people in my community looking for jobs with companies looking for workers. I volunteer as the Family Readiness Group Leader for the 2-108 CAV Squadron in Shreveport. I work with Military Spouse Advocacy Network (MSAN) mentoring other National Guard Spouses. Following these passions, I was recognized as the 2020-2021 Louisiana National Guard Spouse of the Year. I love helping people, specifically military spouses. One of my main goals is to make sure military spouses know they are not alone when trying to navigate through the military world. I want to help give them the courage to speak out and help build a support system for them so they can make it through all the crazy things the military life throws at us. I am also a student at the University of Louisiana at Monroe for my bachelor’s degree in risk management. Graduating from ULM has been my biggest goal for years and I am proud to say I am almost there.

Want to write a guest post??? Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life is looking for guest posts! Have something interesting you want to write about the military spouse community? Have advice for new military spouses? Want to share about your duty station? Want to share your story? 

 If so…please fill out my Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life Guest Post Form here! 

What I Wish I Knew Before My Spouse Became a Recruiter

by Leave a Comment

Happy to have this guest post by April on her experiences while her spouse was a military recruiter. Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know if you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life too.

Recruiting duty, like a lot of other things in the military, has some awesome perks but also some tough drawbacks.

Before my husband volunteered, all I knew was he was non-deployable, and that was pretty dang important after coming off of a year being separated because of his PCS to Korea for which I was not approved to go with.

I didn’t know anyone who had been a recruiter who I could talk to in order to gain somewhat of a perspective of what to expect. So, we were basically going in blind. My husband was stationed in Central Oregon, nowhere near a military installation.

Here are four things I wish I knew going into recruiting duty, and I hope they will help prepare you better than I was.

1) Recruiting duty is stressful, and the hours are long.

There were many 14-16 hour days, 6-day workweeks, and overnights to trainings and MEPS. I was thankful we were together as a family, but I was not prepared for how much the job would take a toll on my spouse. It was all about numbers and making so many phone call attempts, which left my husband little control over his schedule, and that left me never knowing when he would be home or when he might have to leave overnight.

There is definitely some of that in the regular Army, but the unpredictability of the daily schedule taught me to just let go, or at least attempt to let go, of all expectations of a standard mealtime or time when my husband would walk through the front door. He also had a government phone, and so he was constantly getting phone calls and texts from coworkers and applicants. 

2) The service member is non-deployable!

The biggest perk for me, coming off of a year apart with a small child, was that my husband was never gone for more than a few months at a time. We had another baby while he was on recruiting because we could guarantee he would be home for the birth. It was glorious to not have to worry about a deployment for three years.

3) You may be stationed nowhere near a military installation.

The closest one to us was a four-hour drive, and so we didn’t get any of the amenities we were used to when we had a post nearby. Groceries were more expensive, and childcare was difficult to find. Because of not being near a military installation, there was a sense of isolation.

We didn’t have a ton of military families who knew what we were going through close by that we could lean into for support and friendship, and there wasn’t a post that had activities we could go to in order to stay busy or meet other people. We had to work really hard, and in ways we hadn’t had to before, in order to build a community around us.

4) Yes, you may not be near a military installation, but help is out there!

You should still have a SFRG, you probably will rarely see them in person. There should be a representative for families at some level, you might just have to ask around to find that person. And there are spouses that are already there and have been there a while, ask them! They will know which grocery store has the cheapest groceries and possibly a good daycare for your child. You just have to be brave and ask around.

Recruiting duty is unique in a lot of ways, good and hard. Being on the tail end of it, I can see all the great things it allowed our family to do, and in the ways, it pushed us out of our comfort zones. 

April is a mom to two girls, wife to a soldier turned Air National Guard member and lives in Central Oregon. Her husband transitioned from active duty to the guard last year, and they are very much still in the trenches of transition. She loves to read, write, and be outdoors in their beautiful state. Military life is hard, and she has a passion for making it easier for others, however she can. You can find her at Mercy and Healing.

PCSing Anytime Soon? These Companies, Organizations, and Resources Can Help

by 1 Comment

Is there a PCS in your future? Is it time to start packing up boxes and getting on your way? Need some help with where to live at your next duty station?

A PCS can be a challenging season in your life. There is a lot to do, and not all of it is super clear. Back when we were PCSing overseas to Germany, there were so many steps that I felt my head was going to explode.

On the other end, it took almost a couple of months to feel even somewhat settled in my new home. Everything was so new and different from what I was used to. And it took some time to get to a place where I could breathe.

The good thing is that there are resources out there to help military spouses through a PCS. There are companies that will help you make decisions about where to live. There are companies that will help you figure out how to pack. There are companies to help you figure out how to decorate within the military community.

Like anything else in military life, we don’t have to go through a PCS alone. Here is a list of companies, organizations, and military spouses to help you during your next PCS:

PCS Resources

MilSpouseConversations OCONUS Talk

MilSpouseConversations had a great talk in March about PCSing overseas. This group of military spouses has been through quite a few overseas moves from Japan to Germany. MilSpouseConversations is about real raw, real topics, and real conversations with a group of military spouses with over 100 years of military spouse experience between them.

PCSgrades

Trying to decide on a neighborhood at your next duty station? Looking for a realtor? PCSgrades has reviews on many different off-post or on-post neighborhoods, real estate agents, mortgage lenders, moving companies, apartments, and schools.

Millie

Millie is also a great place to go for help before a PCS. Their Millie Scouts can be your boots on the ground, to help you review a future home when you can’t do so in person. They also have AgentHeroes who understand military life and can help you find a new home.

Permanent Change of Storing

Permanent Change of Storing is owned and founded by Navy wife, Christa Curtis. Permanent Change of Storing will help you with organizing your home, PCS prep, settling in, and more.

Military One Source

Military One Source offers PCS help too. You can connect with experts that can help you through your move, Plan My Move, which offers a tool that gives you customized lists and more, and MilitaryINSTALLATIONS which is the official DoD guide for military institutions worldwide.

Move.Mil

Move.Mil is the official DoD Moving Portal. Here you can find information and guidance for your move, where you can schedule your move, information about shipping your car, and even tips for settling in.

Military By Owner

This company provides advertising for selling a home near military installations as well as resources on different aspects of military life, real estate, and homeownership. They can also be a great place to look for a home either to rent or to buy.

At Ease Rentals

This company provides active duty and their families, DoD employees, military contractors, as well as federal employees with short-term rentals that are pre-approved to meet FTR (Federal Travel Regulation).

PCSing.com

At Pcsing.com, you can find a one-stop information resource for service members and their families that are going through a military move.

MilHousing Network

MilHousing Network connects military families with military real estate experts in the US. They also run the Facebook group, Things I Wish I Knew Before I PCS’d.

Moving House for the Military Spouse

Moving House for the Military Spouse is a Facebook page that shows real life photos from military housing.

AHRN

AHRN stands for the Automated Housing Referral Network is a website for members of the military who are searching for housing at a new duty station.

PCS Money

Need to know about PCS travel and relocation allowances or weight limits? You can find that information on the Defense Travel website.

BAH

Curious about BAH at your upcoming duty station, go here for the BAH calculator.

This post does contain some affiliate links!

PCS Themed Products

MilitaryPrintables

Looking for a PCS Binder Printable Kit? Check out MilitaryPrintables on Etsy.

Welcome to Rota: The Unofficial Guide to Getting Settled, and Enjoying the Culture, Food, and Travel Opportunities of Southern Spain

This book, written by fellow military spouse and writer, Lizann Lightfoot, is all about living in OCONUS in Rota, Spain.

Milly’s PCS Worries

This children’s book, written by Amy Rivera and illustrated by Dayanese A. Rodriguez, is about Izzy and Milly, whose dad is in the military and gets orders to PCS.

Olive Fox Paper Shop

Looking for cute PCS announcements? Olive Fox Paper Shop has some super cute choices.

Moving With the Military

Moving With the Military is a home improvement lifestyle series that celebrates military families with home makeovers.

Facebook Groups

In my own Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life Facebook group you can find a ton of posts based on duty stations both in the US and OCONUS. Just join the group, and do a search to see if your questions have already been asked about your future duty station.

PCS Like a Pro is an educational and supportive community for all things PCS related.

White Walls is a group to help with interior decor inspiration to make your military home feel like home.

Lost During My PCS is a group to help military families find missing items that they have lost during a PCS.

Military PCS With Pets is all about sharing information on how to PCS with pets.

Articles and Blog Posts About PCSing

5 Things to Do When You Get PCS Orders

PCS: Moving the Family Pet

Checklist for PCS Moves

The Ultimate PCS Guide to Packing Out – with Printables!

Bloom Where You Are Planted – 5 Things To Make A New House Feel Like Home

How to Buy and Sell a House at the Same Time

Tips for First-Time Military Homebuyers (and Mistakes to Avoid!)

50 Tips You NEED Before Your Next PCS Move

PCSing with an EFMP family member

Duty Station Guest Posts – Here at Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life you can find many different guest posts on duty stations both CONUS and OCONUS.

PCSing This Summer? These Relocation Tips Will Help!

PCSing can be such a big part of military life. Whether you are moving four hours or 3,000 miles away from your previous home. Luckily, there are many resources out there to help including the ones listed above. Good luck! And enjoy this part of military life.