Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Milspouse

7 Things You Don’t Have To Do Even If Other Military Spouses Are Doing Them

by

Does it feel like every other military spouse you know is doing something that you have no desire to do? Do you ever feel lost in a sea of other spouses? Sometimes we can get stuck thinking something is wrong with us if we are not military spousing like other people are. But the truth is, we should military spouse the way that works best for us, not everyone else. You be you.

7 Things You Don't Have To Do Even If Other Military Spouses Are Doing Them

Here are seven things you don’t have to do even if other military spouses are doing them:

1. Shop at the Commissary and PX/BX on a regular basis

When we lived in Germany, shopping at the Commissary and PX was a must if we wanted anything American. In the states, things are a little different. Unless your duty station is in the middle of nowhere, there are a lot of other stores in your city to get the same type of things you can find at the Commissary and PX/BX. You don’t have to shop at these places if other stores work better for you.

7 Things You Don't Have To Do Even If Other Military Spouses Are Doing Them

2. Drink wine

While it might seem like every other military spouse out there is drinking wine on a regular basis, I assure you they are not. Some spouses don’t drink at all. Some only do when they go out with their friends. “Drinking wine” has turned into a phrase that simply means, “letting loose and trying to relax.”

3. Live on post/base

We have lived on post, in government leased housing, and off post/base in our own home. If my husband was active duty, I think I would want to try living on post again. There are so many pros and cons to each decision based on where you are and what you want for your family. If on post/base doesn’t work for you, living off can be the right choice.

4. Be a SAHM

One of the stereotypes about military spouses is that they don’t work. But in real life, the military spouse world is made up of SAHMs, WAHMs, moms who work outside the home, and moms who also serve. While there are a lot of SAHMs in the military world, there are plenty of spouses who are working in a career or going to school to do so. And if you do want to be a SAHM, that is good too. There are so many reasons, and even seasons when being a SAHM is what makes sense for your family.

7 Things You Don't Have To Do Even If Other Military Spouses Are Doing Them

5. Send a lot of care packages

Care packages are a lot of fun and can be an excellent way to connect with your spouse overseas, but if they are not something that works for you and your spouse, don’t feel like you have to do them. For my husband, I usually would send him a care package when he would ask for something specific verses on a regular basis. If you are the type, who loves to send care packages, have fun and enjoy making them.

6. Hate the military

Sometimes I hate the military. Sometimes I love the military. It just depends on the day. If you don’t hate the military, that is okay. Not everyone does. And whether you hate the military or not might just depend on the year.

7. Hate your duty station

There are some duty stations that are more popular than others. Sometimes hating these not so popular places is the thing to do. You find out you are going there and everyone tells you how awful that place is. However, some people love unpopular duty stations. Maybe they just bloom where they are stationed; maybe the place just fits their personality. Whatever the reason, if you like your duty station, that is fine. Don’t let negative talk about the place get to you.

What would you add to this list?

You Know You’re a Modern Military Spouse When….

by 1 Comment

Military spouses have been around for a very long time. While to a certain extent “if the military wanted you to have a wife, they would have issued you one” is true, we have come a long way in what we have available to us as military spouses.

My grandma said goodbye to my grandpa for three whole years. The only way they could communicate was through letters. Think about that! They had to number them, so they knew what order they were written in. I love a good handwritten letter, but I can’t imagine that being the only way I could talk with my spouse, for years at a time.

So us military spouses today, I suppose you could call us modern. The millennial military spouse might work except some of us are a little too old for that title 😉 There is something different about this time period, and being a military spouse will look different in the future I am sure.

You Know You Are A Modern Military Spouse When...

So here how you know you are a modern military spouse…

~ You gave birth with your husband by your side, on your iPad, over video chat.

~ You make easy dinners with your Instant Pot or Air Fryer.

~ You met your husband online, while he was at his first duty station.

~ Your wife serves, and you stay home with the kids.

~ You don’t have to take all four of your children shopping by yourself as you are a big fan of having your groceries delivered.

~ You take your kids to the park so that you can get yourself a Starbucks, which is right next door.

~ You can take a call from your husband overseas from wherever you happen to be at the moment, no waiting at home until they call.

~ Netflix binge-watching is your favorite sport.

~ You take 1,000 photos whenever you do something fun, and your parents in California see them minutes later.

~ It’s been two days since you talked to your spouse and can’t believe it has been that long!

~ You learned about your future duty station, from a group of strangers you never met in a Facebook group.

~ You earned your BA in English while your spouse was in South Korea, all from the comfort of your home.

You Know You Are A Modern Military Spouse When...

This post contains affiliate links! 

~ You love or even hate your FRG, but you do in fact have one.

~ You serve too, as you and your spouse met during basic training and now you are a dual military couple.

~ You have been guilty of oversharing on social media, but at least you are aware of the rules for OPSEC.

~ Amazon Prime is your favorite Transformer.

~ You depend on the friendships of others you have never met because they get exactly what a deployment is all about.

~ You have never met your boss in person. You live in Ohio, and they are in New York.

~ You can honestly say apps make the deployment a little easier.

~ You are in charge of the bills, which makes sense, since sometimes your spouse is deployed.

~ You didn’t have to pay for your breast pump, TRICARE gave you one after you had your baby.

~ You are a SAHM, a WAHM or you work outside the home. You do whatever works for you and your family because you can.

~ You wake up every morning, supporting your service member. Through the deployments, the PCS moves, and anything military life throws at you.

What makes you a modern military spouse???

 

Stop Saying That We Knew What We Were Getting Into

by 3 Comments

Stop Saying That We Knew What We Were Getting Into

“You knew what you were getting into”

If you have been a military spouse for any length of time, you have heard someone say this. This phrase comes from civilians, military spouses, and military service members. I don’t like it.

My response to this is, no, we didn’t know what we were getting into. 

You see, us military spouses, we know there will be time apart, we don’t know how lonely that can be.

How quiet the house can get when you are the only one in it. How you will crave the little daily chats, you used to have with your spouse, and how sad you can get when you think about those moments.

We know we will have to move often, but we don’t know how hard it will be to leave someone that is like a sister to us.

The person we spent last Christmas with. The neighbor who helped us when our son was in the hospital. The friend that we could talk to about anything. The person that became closer to us than anyone else ever had.

We know there will be deployments, but we don’t know how they might break us.

How we might get so overwhelmed with them that we can’t imagine going through another one, even though we know that with our spouse’s job, that will be our reality.

We know there might be children, but we can’t know what their struggles might be or what having one parent gone all the time will be like.

We can’t predict what raising a child on the autism spectrum will be like when your other half is gone for a year at a time. We can’t know how drained we will feel as a SAHM, even though that is what we always wanted to do.

We know that we might have to sacrifice our careers for theirs, but we don’t know how hard that can be or how long we have to wait on our own career goals.

We can’t know if we will be in a state where we can work using our degree or if we will have to settle for something else because that is all there is. And then have to deal with the emotional toll of all of that.

We know this life will be a hard one but what that looks like, how we will be able to get through the difficult days, and what the years our spouse will serve will look like is a surprise. 

Life is filled with surprises. This is true for everyone, military or not. What you thought your life might be like will look different than what happens.

No one knows what they are getting into. No one can predict that. No one can be 100% ready for what this military life brings.

Even if we did know what we signed up for, that doesn’t mean we can’t vent a little on our more challenging days, cry into our pillows when we just can’t take anymore, or simply ask for help because everything is just too overwhelming at times.

Before you say, “You knew what you were getting into,” think about your own life and all the ways things turned out differently than you thought they would.

Be compassionate to the military spouse that is having a more difficult time. Understand that everyone handles deployments differently. Know that some of us ask for help because we are trying to better our situations, not because we want to fail.

Military spouses are strong but only because we have had to become that way. Through trials, challenges, and the surprises that military life brings.

What has been your biggest military life challenge?

Don’t forget to check out The Newbie’s Guide to Military Life: Surviving a PCS and More by Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life and Mrs Navy Mama. Your guide for learning about military life.

22 Tips for a Better Military Spouse Life

by 1 Comment

22 Tips for a Better Military Spouse Life

22 Tips for a Better Military Spouse Life

Are you a new military spouse? Maybe you have been living this life for a few years now? Maybe your spouse is about to hit 20 years? No matter where you are in your military spouse journey, there are certain tips that can help you along the way. Certain things to remember so that you have a better overall experience.

Here is a list of 22 tips to help you have a better military spouse life-

1. Take it a day at a time- You will find that in your military life journey, you will have bad days, especially when your spouse is away. Take these days one day at a time. Try not to look at all the days you will have to get through. Sometimes that can be too overwhelming.

2. Sometimes you will need to take it an hour at a time- Sometimes you will have to take things an hour at a time. This is especially true during the first or last weeks of a deployment.

3. Don’t forget about you- When your spouse joins the military, it can be easy to feel like you don’t matter anymore. That you are just there to support your spouse. But you are much more than that. Don’t forget about yourself and what you need. That is important as well.

4. You are much stronger than you think- During your time as a military spouse you will go through situations you never thought you would be able to. I never thought I could make it through a 15-month deployment but I did. I never thought I could handle having a baby without my husband but I did. You will surprise yourself with what you can get through that you didn’t think you were able to do before.

5. Look at the calendar differently- Sometimes you will celebrate holidays and birthdays later on than you normally would. That is okay. If your spouse has to be away for Christmas, celebrate the holiday early. If they are going to miss your anniversary, celebrate when they get home. The calendar looks different to us military spouses and that is okay.

6. Learn about your bills & how to budget- If you don’t already know about what bills to pay and when they are due, you need to find out. You will need to be the main person in charge of paying the bills. Or at least know how to do it. Why? Because sometimes your spouse will not be able to. They could be deployed or somewhere where they could not do anything with your finances. You will need to know how to pay the bills and how to budget so that you can make the best of the money you and your spouse make.

7. POA is your best friend- POAs are a must. You can get your Power of Attorney on post through JAG or through a lawyer. Consider getting special POAs for situations that might come up.

8. Find good battle buddies- You need some good friends in your military life. Friends that can help you through the hard days and friends you can make memories with through the good ones.

9. Be a good friend- You should also be a good friend to others. Be there for people and be a listening ear. Sometimes all someone needs is someone to talk to.

10. Be flexible- Flexible is going to have to become your middle name when you are a military spouse. You can’t always plan on anything happening the way you want it to. You will have to adjust.

11. Stay away from drama if you can- Drama is going to happen at some point in your military life, trust me. Drama can happen in your neighborhood, in a group you are in or even on the soccer field. Do your best to stay away from drama and confront it if you need to. Walking away from the drama is also a good choice.

12. Ask questions- If you don’t understand something, ask questions. Ask a friend, your FRG or even your husband. You won’t always get an answer but asking is helpful to learn more about this military life.

13. Be wary of rumors- Rumors are going to happen. Rumors about deployments, rumors about redeployment, rumors about the Command. Just keep in mind a rumor could be half true or not true at all. Just keep that in mind when you hear something that isn’t fact.

14. Have a backup plan- Having a backup plan is a good idea. You might even need a backup plan for your backup plan. You never know when things will change and you might have to abandon your first plan.

15. Follow your own dreams as much as you can- Did you always want to do something as a career? Don’t be afraid to follow your dreams as much as possible. This is sometimes harder to do depending on your spouse’s career but if you are creative you can make things happen.

16. Don’t be afraid to be you- Be who you are. The military spouse world is made up of a lot of different types of spouses. Be you and find your tribe.

17. Lower your expectations- Sometimes lowering your expectations a little bit can help with your frustration levels. Talking to your spouse every day when they are deployed might not be possible and expecting to be able to can make life really hard. Just try to lower expectations a little bit to help cut down on your frustrations.

18. Get involved in the military community- Get involved. Join a club, go to post events or visit the FRG. You never know who you might meet or what kind of experience you could have.

19. Don’t be afraid to ask for help- Sometimes asking for help is difficult but don’t feel bad if you need to do so. Sometimes a short Facebook post can result in many helping hands.

20. Say No- Know that if you feel like you have too much on your plate, it is okay to say no. You don’t always have to say yes.

21. Say Yes- Sometimes we can get in a rut where we don’t want to do anything. Where you just want to stay home and chill. Try to put yourself out there if you find you are in a funk and need a way to get out of it. Say yes to something new. You might really enjoy yourself.

22. Write love letters- Write love letters. Send them to your spouse. Have fun with them and enjoy being able to write to each other in this way. Most likely when your spouse comes home you will not write these types of letters anymore.

How long have you been a military spouse? What advice would you give?

7 Creative Ways to Speed Up a Military Deployment

by Leave a Comment

7 Creative Ways to Speed Up a Military Deployment

There comes a time during everyone’s deployment when time stands still. You could be coming off a few good weeks, and then boom, time stops. It feels like they have been gone forever, and yet you still have so much more time to go. What is a military spouse to do? Here are 7 creative ways to speed up a military deployment, help move things forward, and enjoy life even when your spouse is away.

Volunteer for something fun!

Volunteering can be good for the soul, and being able to help out an organization, or people in your community is a good thing. Find something you would love to help out with. Look for opportunities in your local civilian and military communities. VolunteerMatch is a great website for finding places in your community that need volunteers.

Plan a trip with a friend

Do you have someone you would want to travel with? Do it! Plan a trip with a friend. I did this during our 2nd deployment and it was so much fun. We both had young kids and were able to help each other out while making memories together with one another and our kids. A trip always breaks up a deployment. You don’t even have to go too far. Pick somewhere in your state and get to planning.

Plan a party

Did the deployment hit the 50-day mark? The 100-day mark? Plan a party! Plan a Bunco night! Find something you love to do and invite people to join you. Don’t want to have a party in your house? Check on your local community center to see if you can rent the space or invite people out to your favorite restaurant. Parties are fun and fun makes the time pass a bit quicker!

Find a new job

Maybe you have been at the same job for a while, maybe it is time to move on. Switch things up and put some applications out there. There are organizations like Hire Heroes USA and Military OneSource that can help you on your employment journey.

Write about your experiences

Why not write about your experiences as a military spouse and what it is like going through a deployment? You can start a social media account to share your thoughts, start a blog, or even write a book. We all have a story to tell, and by sharing ours, we can help other military spouses along the way.

Refresh your house

Deployments are the perfect time to refresh your house. Plan a house project. This can be anything from repairing a room or buying some new art to put on the walls or remodeling a bigger space. Don’t forget to use your Lowe’s and Home Depot military discounts when buying supplies for your home projects.

Read a really long book you can’t put down

Find a good, long book, and dive in. Or better yet, find a good, long book series. You will get hooked and not want to put the book down. Reading can be such a great way to get through a deployment.

While there is no real way to fast forward through the months of deployment, there are things you can do to speed up a military deployment. Stay busy, find new friends, and get creative. Not only will doing so help during the deployment but it is good for your soul and will allow you to live a more balanced life.

That National Guard Life From a National Guard Spouse

by Leave a Comment

Happy to have this guest post by Olivia on National Guard life! Want to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life? Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know! I take pieces on anything milspouse related, from deployment tips to duty station review.

That National Guard Life From a National Guard Spouse

I used to think military life was easy, fun, and quite frankly, no big deal. My spouse’s National Guard drill weekends were no issue because I would just go shopping with friends, spend time with family, eat all of the take-out Chinese food I wanted, etc.

So, the saying about things getting easier with time…I don’t think that always applies in the case of military life. 

You get older. You start a family. Family gatherings grow in size and number. Activities and events start to infiltrate the fridge calendar.

You start to overhear conversations like, “Hey dad, are you coming to my soccer game this weekend?” “I’m sorry buddy, I have to go away this weekend. I’m sorry I’ll miss it.” Again. He’s so sorry he will miss yet another game. Another practice. Another swimming lesson. Another family barbeque to celebrate someone’s birthday. The list goes on.

I can see the look on my husband’s face, and then in my son’s eyes. Sadness, disappointment, hurt, felt on both ends. You’re probably thinking, it’s one game or one practice, the child won’t remember. And you’re absolutely right if it was just one or two here and there.

However, it’s close to 50-75% of the time with all activities and day-to-day life in our household. I’m sure many people think the National Guard is just one weekend per month and a two-week training in the summer each year. 

Well, I wish it was just that, but that is far from the truth. For example, this year alone, my husband was gone for just under three months right after Christmas.

He was stateside, which was nice, but I work full-time and there was no way we could make a trip out to visit him a reality. This summer felt like a nice break because he literally just had drill weekends and that was it.

Well, here we are going into the fall, and into a new budget year for the National Guard, and the calendar is filling back up with additional trips to the guard base for additional duties to be completed. And, those are just the planned trips. You never know when a call will come in to go assist here or there, a week or two weeks gone. 

“It’s totally what you signed up for though, right?” I get this question or similar comments whenever I mention something related to my husband’s schedule. Yes, you are correct, when my husband was 17 years old, he signed on the dotted line and is literally owned by the government until further notice. I don’t know how a 17-year-old could’ve known exactly what this life would be like, but he signed up and has been committed to them for just shy of 20 years now.

On the positive flip side, I have family who keep a similar calendar of drill and military-related events on their calendar, and they are mindful of those when planning family events. I can’t tell you how happy this makes my heart! Some get it, some don’t, and that is okay- you work around your schedule and their schedule to the best of your ability. 

Other things that don’t seem to get easier or better with time, and often bring a sense of unnecessary guilt: 1. Repeatedly saying, “Sorry we can’t come, he has drill that weekend.” 2. “Don’t plan around us, you know how our schedule is.” 3. “This is our first weekend together as a family in three weeks, so no we aren’t going to plan anything.”  4. “Yes, we let our kids stay the night with grandparents just so we can have a couple of hours alone this month.” 

You’re able to recognize that some have it way harder or worse than you. You’re able to rationally tell yourself that you’ll get through this and it’s not that bad. But that doesn’t minimize the stress that you’re experiencing and comparing your situation to someone else’s just isn’t realistic. Everyone is different and we all deal with things differently. 

With all of this complaining or over-explaining, there are a few things that are amazing when it comes to the National Guard life. Amazing friends that just get it and don’t think twice about rescheduling something five times, because they are in the same boat.

The excitement on my kids’ faces when they see dad fly over during a training mission. The fancy dining out ceremonies that give us a few hours to relive our prom days. The pride in knowing that my husband and fellow National Guard soldiers do so much for our community and country. And, did I mention the ability to have as much Chinese take-out as you want on drill weekends? Yeah, that hasn’t changed a bit. 

The National Guard life is different from other branches of service, and yet still comes with its own set of challenges. If you’re a National Guard spouse, just know that I hear you & see you. And if you want to get take-out on drill weekends, I fully support you 😉  

Olivia Moser is a National Guard spouse of a CW04 CH-47 Pilot in the Nebraska Army National Guard. They have two children and an active puppy at home. She is a member of the Soldier Family Readiness Group (SFRG) for her husband’s current unit and is a member of the local Auxiliary Legion post. Olivia works full-time as a Licensed Independent Mental Health Practitioner (LIMHP) and Clinical Program Manager with the State of Nebraska. She is a trained crisis negotiator, forensic interviewer, and QPR suicide prevention facilitator. She is also on the state’s Critical Incident Stress Management (CISM) team. 

Go to ne.ng.mil for more information about the NEARNG

https://ne.ng.mil/FPO is a resource for Warrior & Family Support in the NEARNG

13 Memes About Military Spouse Friendship

by

13 Memes About Military Spouse Friendship

13 Memes About Military Spouse Friendship

There is something about a military spouse friendship. We can be there for one another through all of our military challenges. From deployments to pcsing, friends will make this life easier.

Sometimes finding friends can take a long time, sometimes it happens right away. Here are some memes all about military spouse friendship. Enjoy!

Military friendships

I don’t like to say goodbye, I like to say see you later. It’s an easier thing to say. 

Military friendships

I love how we can meet and connect with others from all over the world during our time as a military spouse! 

Military friendships

One thing is clear, you will always have your memories.
Even if you don’t see your friends for a while, you always have the moments you spent together. 

Military friendships

Our friends will probably be from all over but that’s the best part. We can learn from one another’s experiences and share our own. 

Military friendships

Yes! We always need people we can be free to vent to about the deployment. We know we would do the same for them. 

Military friendships

Sometimes when you or your friend move, you will never live near each other again. But good friends, you stay together, even if you are no longer in the same time zone. 

Military friendships

Finding a good friend can change everything!

Military friendships

#4, calling a good friend can be a great thing to do during a bad deployment day!

Military friendships

That would be the best! Your spent 2008-2011 together in Italy and now you will spend 2017-2019 together in California. Thank you Military!

Military friendships

Keep putting yourself out there. You will eventually meet some good people to connect with. 

Military friendships

Being kind is a must. It makes you a good friend. 

Military friendships

This couldn’t be truer; friends are lucky to have. 

Military friendships

Sometimes it is hard to put yourself out there. Keep doing so. You never know who you might meet.

Here are some posts on friendship as a military spouse…

 What To Do When You Can’t Make Friends At Your New Duty Station!

10 Of The Best Places To Make Friends When You Are A Military Spouse

Finding Your Military Spouse Tribe

5 Tips for a Better Homecoming Day at the End of a Deployment

by Leave a Comment

5 Tips for a Better Homecoming Day

From the moment your service member leaves for a deployment, you start thinking of homecoming day. You dream about that day, you plan for it. You spend hours looking for the perfect dress, the perfect sign and you want everything to go as smoothly as possible.

I have experienced four military homecomings plus all the random times we reconnected after a time apart. When I flew into Germany I was nothing but exhausted after the long flight with my toddler. Still, seeing my husband again after 4.5 months was everything. This was the first time we had ever been apart and we were finally back together again. I didn’t have a sign, I am not even sure I cared what I was wearing but I was back in his arms and everything felt normal again.

When it comes to homecoming day, it is way too easy to become too stressed out about everything that needs to happen.

Here are 5 tips for a better homecoming day:

1. Remember, the dress is for you- Picking out that perfect outfit for a homecoming outfit can be a lot of fun. You spend a little more money than you normally would, and you get to go shopping with friends and buy something special that you will always remember as your homecoming outfit. However, I don’t think what you wear matters to most of the service members coming home from a deployment. They want to see you. They want to hug you. They want to be home. The dress is for you and if you are too stressed about what to wear, don’t be. Pick a nice outfit and you will be fine.

2. Make a to-do list- Preparing for homecoming is all about having a to-do list. There are things you will probably want to do right before they come home. From having the carpets cleaned to figuring out what your kids will wear. Make a good to-do list and stay on track. This will help with your stress level. Know too that you probably don’t have to do everything on your to-do list but having one will keep you busy and keep you from overstressing in the last few days.

3. The simple things are the important ones- Remember, you just need to know where to go and what time, everything else is just extra. Your service member is excited to be home and to see you and your children again. Try not to stress if one of your rooms isn’t clean or if you couldn’t get the right type of beer for your husband.

4. Times and dates will change often- Times and dates for homecoming can change and you might not know for sure until just a few hours before. I really had no idea that my husband would be in one afternoon until he called me from Canada. Try to go with the flow and remember OPSEC!

5. Homecoming is good but can be hard for some- Homecoming can be one of the best days, but for some, homecoming is a day when the reality of war hits. Coming back from a war zone can bring up a lot of different emotions. Both for you and your service member. You are used to being the only adult in the house, they are used to being around other service members all the time. They have been through things us spouses might not be able to imagine. The reintegration period isn’t easy and knowing that you might need some extra help after homecoming day is important.

The good thing is that there are resources out there to help. Here are a few worth looking into:

Military One Source

Real Warriors

IAVA

Operation Homefront

Reboot Combat Recovery

Are you getting ready for homecoming? What has helped you to stay sane during the last few weeks of the deployment?