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Military Benefits Every Spouse Should Know About 

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Military spouses standing in a line

Hey there! If you’re reading this, you’re probably knee-deep in military life already. Between PCS moves, deployments, and trying to figure out what TLA even means (seriously, what’s with all the acronyms?), it’s easy to miss out on some seriously helpful benefits. Let’s break them down – and trust me, you’ll want to bookmark this one. 

TRICARE: Your Medical Safety Net 

Remember that time your toddler decided 2 AM was the perfect time for a fever, or you needed a prescription while visiting family across the country? That’s where TRICARE becomes your best friend. You’ve got two main options: TRICARE Prime and TRICARE Select. 

Prime is like having a medical home base. You’ll get assigned a Primary Care Manager (PCM), and they’ll be your go-to for everything. Referrals are required for specialists, but here’s the upside – you’ll barely pay anything out of pocket. Select gives you more freedom to choose your providers, but you’ll pay a bit more for that flexibility. 

Key TRICARE Tips: 

● Get enrolled in DEERS first – nothing works without it 

● Keep your ID card current 

● Update your info after every PCS 

● Download the TRICARE app (total game-changer) 

Learn more at www.tricare.mil 

MyCAA: Your Ticket to Career Growth 

Let’s talk about that $4,000 in education benefits that’s just sitting there, waiting for you to claim it. MyCAA isn’t just for traditional college – it covers certifications, licenses, and technical programs too. Think medical coding, real estate license, teaching credentials, or IT certifications. The best part? These are careers that can move with you. 

I’ve seen spouses use MyCAA to become everything from veterinary technicians to web developers. The program is designed for portable careers, meaning you can take these skills anywhere the military sends you. Plus, many programs are online, so PCSing won’t interrupt your studies.

Beyond MyCAA, there’s a whole world of military spouse scholarships out there. The Military Spouse Career Advancement Scholarship, the Joanne Holbrook Patton Military Spouse Scholarship, and countless installation-specific opportunities are waiting for applicants. 

Explore your options at myseco.militaryonesource.mil/portal/mycaa 

Employment Support That Gets It 

The Military Spouse Employment Partnership (MSEP) is like having a really well-connected friend in your job search. These employers – we’re talking companies like Amazon, Starbucks, and hundreds more – actively seek out military spouses. They understand our unique challenges and often offer flexible or remote positions that can survive a PCS. 

SECO takes it a step further with personalized career help. Need someone to translate your varied experience into civilian terms? Want to practice interviewing? They’ve got you covered. The best part is how they understand that a “gap” in your resume might actually be time spent managing a cross-country move with three kids and a dog (which, let’s be honest, is basically a project management certification in itself). 

What SECO Offers: 

● Resume reviews and writing help 

● Interview coaching 

● Career assessments 

● Education guidance 

● Portable career planning 

Connect with employers at msepjobs.militaryonesource.mil 

Housing: Making Sense of BAH and Housing Options 

BAH might seem straightforward – money for housing, right? But it’s actually pretty nuanced. The rates are calculated based on local rental markets, including average utilities and renters insurance. That’s why you might get more BAH in San Diego than in rural Oklahoma. 

If you choose to live on base, you’ll typically forfeit your BAH in exchange for housing, utilities, and maintenance. Off base? That BAH is yours to manage. The Military Housing Office becomes your secret weapon here – they know which neighborhoods to avoid, which landlords work well with military families, and can even review leases for you. 

Smart Housing Moves:

● Calculate your BAH before house hunting 

● Use the Military Housing Office for lease reviews 

● Consider school districts if you have kids 

● Keep utility costs in mind when budgeting 

Calculate your rate at www.defensetravel.dod.mil/site/bah.cfm 

Mental Health Support (Because Military Life is No Joke) 

Let’s be real for a second – military life can be tough on your mental health. Those long deployments, constant moves, and the pressure of holding everything together? It’s a lot. That’s why knowing about these mental health resources is so important. 

Military OneSource counseling is a game-changer. Twelve free sessions per issue, and you can start over with new issues. Having trouble adjusting after a PCS? That’s an issue. Struggling with deployment? Different issue. Marriage needs some tune-up? You guessed it – separate issue. Plus, you can do these sessions in person, over the phone, or by video chat. 

The Military Family Life Counselors (MFLCs) on base are another amazing resource. No appointment needed, no paperwork, and nothing goes on any record. They’ll meet you at the coffee shop, the park, or wherever you feel comfortable. They even have special counselors just for kids who might be struggling with military life. 

Mental Health Resources Include: 

● Individual counseling 

● Couples counseling 

● Child behavioral support 

● Stress management workshops 

● Deployment support groups 

Get started at www.militaryonesource.mil/confidential-help 

Money-Saving Perks (Because Every Little Bit Helps) 

This is the fun part – all the ways military life can actually save you money. The ITT office on base is like having a secret discount travel agent. Want to go to Disney? They’ve got tickets for way less than you’d pay at the gate. Universal Studios, local attractions, even cruises – always check ITT first. 

The Exchange and Commissary are obvious spots for savings, but don’t overlook the smaller perks. That military ID can get you discounts at places you might not expect:

Everyday Savings: 

● Home improvement stores (Lowe’s and Home Depot – 10% off) 

● Clothing retailers (Old Navy, Nike, Under Armour) 

● Cell phone plans (most major carriers offer military discounts) 

● Car insurance (USAA, GEICO, and others offer military rates) 

● Hotels and flights (always ask for military rates) 

But here’s a pro tip: sometimes the military discount isn’t the best deal. Always compare it with other available discounts or sales. And don’t forget about holiday weekends – many stores offer extra military discounts during Memorial Day, Veterans Day, and Military Appreciation Month. 

Find current deals at www.militaryonesource.mil/recreation-travel-shopping 

Pulling It All Together 

Listen, this military life isn’t always easy. Some days it feels like you’re juggling flaming chainsaws while riding a unicycle. But these benefits? They’re here because others before us fought for them. They’re here to make this wild ride a little more manageable. 

Keep your documents updated, your ID card current, and don’t be afraid to ask questions. Join your base’s spouse Facebook group – sometimes the best info comes from other spouses who’ve been there, done that, and know all the shortcuts. 

Remember, you’re not just surviving military life – you’re building a life within it. These benefits are tools in your toolkit. Use them, share them, and help other spouses learn about them too. Because at the end of the day, we’re all in this together. 

Need more info? Visit www.militaryonesource.mil/military-life/spouses for a complete rundown of military spouse benefits. And don’t forget to check back regularly – benefits and programs can change, and new ones pop up all the time. 

Author Bio: Daniel Denkinger is an active-duty Air Force pilot and the founder of AFCrashpad.com, a company that provides fully furnished, military-friendly lodging for service members on PCS or TDY orders. Dedicated to supporting the military community, Daniel offers housing solutions designed to make military life more comfortable and stress-free. 
Connect with Daniel: ● Instagram: @afcrashpad ● Facebook: AFCrashpad ● Website: AFCrashpad.com

Military Benefits Every Spouse Should Know About 

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly of the Military Community

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The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly of the Military Community

I talk a lot about the military community. I have seen so much good come from people banding together to get through the hard stuff. Finding others who understand is extremely helpful. But…with the good comes the bad, and the ugly. 

The military community isn’t perfect. We have some flaws. We have some ugly parts. And like any community, as much as we try, they can sometimes take over your whole experience to the point where you just want to walk away. 

The good of the military community

The good of the military community includes walking alongside one another when you are hurt. It means planning a Thanksgiving dinner when all your spouses are deployed. It means stepping in and bringing another spouse groceries when she is sick on the couch. It means trading babysitting and letting people vent about the hard, and helping them come up with solutions to what seems impossible. 

The bad of the military community

The bad is having to leave the friends you have made that have felt like family, only to only ever like their Facebook posts in the future. The bad is feeling left out and not sure you can find a place. The bad is struggling to find new friends when you miss your old ones more than anything. 

And the ugly of the military community

The Facebook groups that poke fun at innocent questions from new military spouses. The hate for certain spouses based on whether they are married to and enlisted service member or officer. The misunderstandings that lead to a lack of grace and friendship. The loneliness some can feel because they can’t seem to find their people. 

The truth of the military community

The truth is that any community can have its share of the good, the bad, and the ugly. But as a military community, we have more at stake. We need one another in so many different ways. We can’t afford to be mean-spirited. We need to work past that.

As a community, we need to work together because with the world the way it is, with things heating up, we will need one another. And it starts with each of us. Extending that grace, treating others with respect, and striving to be the best version of ourselves.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly of the Military Community

My Mom Jayne: How Mariska Hargitay Shared Her Story in the Most Beautiful Way

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Jayne Mansfield Com X-M103-001

Da da da…can you hear the Law and Order theme in your head right now? That show has been around for a long time, and one of our favorite characters is Detective Olivia Benson, played by actress Mariska Hargitay.

I knew she had a famous mother, Jayne Mansfield. I also knew she was very young when her mom died in a car accident. I didn’t know much else about their story until I watched the new documentary on HBO Max, My Mom Jayne. And it was one of the best documentaries I have ever seen.

Jayne Mansfield was born Vera Jayne Palmer on April 19, 1933. She was an actress, a 1950s and 1960s sex symbol, and known for her blonde bombshell persona. She was also a mother of five children. And she died at just 34 years old, on June 29, 1967. Mariska was only three and has no really memory of her mother.

In the documentary, Mariska’s pain about not knowing her mother comes through. It’s heartbreaking. She is the 4th child of Jayne Mansfield, so her older siblings do have more memories of her, especially her older sister Jayne Marie, who was born in 1950. You can’t help but think about what it might be like to know so many who knew your mother, so many had memories of her, even from a distance, and that you, as her daughter, had pretty much nothing.

The documentary features numerous interviews with individuals who knew Jayne and Mariska, from her stepmother to all of her siblings. We see clips and photos of Jayne, from press tours, USO tours with Bob Hope, to life at home. Mariska also shares so much about her own history that she has never shared publicly before.

“I’ve spent my whole life distancing myself from my mother,” Mariska says in the trailer for My Mom Jayne. “Reclaiming our family story. That is what this is about for me. Because she’s a part of me. I want to know her as Jayne. My mom, Jayne.”

Whether you’re a fan of Mariska Hargitay or Jayne Mansfield, or not, My Mom Jayne is a fantastic story about life, love, loss, grief, family, and healing. I will be thinking about it all for a long time.

Photo Credit: ETH-Bibliothek Zürich, Bildarchiv / Fotograf: Comet Photo AG (Zürich) / Com X-M103-001 / CC BY-SA 4.0, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons

One Long Deployment

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One Long Deployment

They walk away, they have to. The time has come for them to leave.

To deploy. To head overseas. To do what they have trained to do.

We stay behind, we know we have to. We have to stay strong, even if that is hard. We have to be the ones at home, holding everything together.

You second guess in moments like these. Should he have really joined the military? Should I have really married into this?

As you stand at the start of one long deployment, you wonder how you even got there…

Time goes by, and the days pass. Cross one off, then another. One week at a time.

You hold it together. You have to. For the kids. For yourself. For them.

You talk every other day, sometimes every day, sometimes you have to go longer.

You remind yourself that things are much better now. You remind yourself having a spouse off at war used to mean just letters, now you have so much more. But even that reminder doesn’t make them seem closer.

As you start off that one long deployment, you find yourself in a weird place, and wonder if anyone else can understand.

Can they understand the deployment ache? The feeling that something is missing, even if you are having a good day? Do they understand how that feels?

Can they understand the sadness that can come, knowing this is your life, knowing there will be more deployments?

Can they understand how yes, you did choose this, but no, you really had no idea what military life would be like? That you really didn’t know how your emotions would play out?

As you get through that one long deployment, you wonder if there is anyone else you can connect with, anyone else who is going through the same thing?

You go to the FRG, you go to the local playgroups, you join a book club. At first you are not so sure. Can these other spouses relate? And then you find that yes, some of them can.

You make plans, you are going to help each other through. You find your people. Others who get deployments. Others who can truly understand.

You find yourself in a place of almost contentment. Yes, your spouse is gone. Yes, they are deployed, but you are finding your way.

This one long deployment is halfway over, and you feel as though you have gone through so many different phases since they left. You were heartbroken, you were sad, and now you have found a place of peace, but can you stay that way?

As time moves on, you feel the up and down of the deployment. The good days, the bad days. The hard days, the easier ones.

You have worries. Will they get extended like they did last time? Will they happen to come home early? Will they be changed when they do come home?

Staying busy is key, you know this, but some days, you don’t want to do anything. You want to take a day off. Take a day off of a deployment? That’s not even possible.

As you round each corner, you think about how much this one long deployment has taught you. How much you have learned. How you have grown.

You are more independent now. You have figured out how to be, because it was the only way.

You have more strength than you did before. What seemed impossible is now possible. And you hope some of that is rubbing off on your kids.

You look towards the finish line and wonder what homecoming will really be like. Is homecoming like the videos you have seen on the news? Is it as happy as they want you to think it is? What if there is more below the surface?

And then you find yourself at the end of this one long deployment. You have less than a month, then less than a week and time stands still. The calendar doesn’t want to move.

And you feel ready, so ready for this deployment chapter to be over in your life. You are so ready for normal again. To be a full family.

You know that you have both changed. You knew that going in. And you hope and pray the first few days, weeks, and months together can be a time of healing.

You get together with your friends. You make homecoming signs. You share your after deployment plans.

And then the day comes, the one you have been waiting for, this one long deployment is finally over. You have your homecoming outfit, that’s ready, but are you? You are full of emotions and as nervous as you were before your first date.

You get the kids ready, and head in your car. You can’t eat, you can’t do much of anything but focus on the task ahead. You park the car and head to the gym to wait.

And you wait…as if you haven’t done enough waiting but this time the waiting is different. This time you are waiting just a short amount of time, maybe a few hours. You made it through months apart, you can handle a few hours.

You are thankful your friends are surrounding you, even if some of their spouses already made it home. Being in the last group is difficult, but you did it and now you are here.

As you sit and wait, you think about this one long deployment and everything you have been through. You think about your highs and lows. You think about the good and the bad.

And then it is time. It is time. It is time. It is time.

Everyone stands up, with smiles on their faces. The doors open and it is time!

You look for them, in the sea of green. You find them, so serious, still in soldier mode.

They see you, you know they do but they can’t react, not yet. And you wait and then you don’t have to anymore. And then they are in your arms again. And you did it…

You survived this one long deployment. You made it to the finish line. You found a way through and got to the other side.

Home of the Free, Because of the Brave

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As a military spouse I am thankful to be able to say, Home of the Free, Because of the Brave.Home of the Free, Because of the Brave

America, home of the free, because of the brave. This is something we see all over the place. We find this phrase on t-shirts, on banners, and on websites. We say in our Facebook posts, to our family members, and think about what the phrase means when we do.

Home of the Free, Because of the Brave

To me, this reminds us that we are a free society. I can be a Christian, my neighbor can be a Muslim, and we both have rights in this country. We can worship as we like. We don’t have to conform to a state religion. We don’t have to worship anyone we don’t want to worship.

As a military spouse I am thankful to be able to say, Home of the Free, Because of the Brave.

Home of the Free, Because of the Brave

This means that others have come before us to make sure that we have the freedoms we do. Whether they fought against the English in the 1700s, fought against injustice in the world in the 1940s, or fought against terrorism in the middle east in more recent times.

As a military spouse, I look at my husband and all the others who have come before him. The men and women who have helped keep our country free. Those who gave up part of their own life, or all of their own lives, for us to be able to live our lives the way that we do.

As a military spouse I am thankful to be able to say, Home of the Free, Because of the Brave.

Home of the Free, Because of the Brave

Being brave isn’t easy. When I think about the bravery of people in history, it takes my breath away. To stand and fight for a cause, and not know what would happen. To know that they could lose their own lives for that cause, and while doing so would make this world a better place, they would not be able to see it happen.

To be brave not only for today but for future generations. To be brave in the face of evil. To give up what others can’t. To stand proud for a country. To stand proud for doing the right thing.

Home of the Free, Because of the Brave

As America looks to the future, I hope that all of us can work toward the best interests of those living in our country. From sea to shining sea, I hope that good things come out of any hardships and that those who continue to serve in any way are always respected.

I hope that every year we can remember what we have been through and where we have been. That we can remember those that came before and look to the heroes of the future who will continue to do good for the benefit of our country.

As a military spouse I am thankful to be able to say, Home of the Free, Because of the Brave.

As a military spouse, I am thankful to be able to say, Home of the Free, Because of the Brave.

I know this means sacrifice. I know this means more pain for some people. However, I know that bravery is never a bad thing, and I am thankful for those who have been brave enough to help our country.

Whether they signed up for military service, whether they work tirelessly in our local communities, or whether they take a stand for liberty and justice for ALL in all the different ways that Americans can. 

 Home of the Free, Because of the Brave

The Uncertainty of Military Life As a Military Spouse

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The Uncertainty of Military Life As a Military Spouse

Life as a military spouse can feel like a rollercoaster. It is filled with uncertainty, and that can be so hard to deal with. From not knowing when your loving spouse will be in the same country as you to having no idea where you will be living six months from now.

As a military spouse, uncertainty is apart of the deal. It comes with this crazy life, and it will always be there. We need to figure out ways to handle the unknown, and not let it control our whole life.

Yes, much easier said than done but there are a few things we can do as military spouses to help make this part of military life easier to take.

Accept the Uncertainty of Military Life

Reframing our mindset can go a long way in helping us accept that so much of military life is not set in stone, and there will be a lot of time when we just don’t know what is going to happen next. If we hope that things level out and become more clear, we are going to be disappointed.

While it would be nice to know when a deployment is going to happen, we have to be prepared that dates will change, and things might not work out the way they first said they would. While it would be nice to get firm PCS orders in a timely manner, we need to remember that we might have to wait and wait, and then wait again for everything to get sorted out.

Accepting that this is a part of military life will go a long way in finding contentment and not becoming as frustrated as a military spouse.

Focus On What You Can Control

While we can’t control what the military does, we do have things in our lives that we can. Focusing on those things will go on a long way. You might not be able to control where you are going to be stationed next. You can however control aspects of your move, where you might live, and other parts to your PCS.

Focus on what you need to do next for your own life and career. Figure out what your family needs that you can give to them. Try not to dwell on what is out of your control, and focus on what is in your control.

Find Support

You are definitely not the only military spouse out there getting frustrated over the uncertainty of everything. Even others not related to the military can go through periods of time when life is so uncertain. Life in general is a mix of good and bad, waiting for something to happen, and then moving forward.

Find mentors and seasoned spouses to connect with. These people will know that life as a miltary spouse can be all over the place sometimes. They probably have tips and tricks that have worked for them that they can pass on to you.

You never ever have to walk military life alone. There is both in person and online support out there. Find it, and work with your local community to find ways to help each other through.

Never Ever Write in Pen

This is simple. Invest in some cute pencils and an erasar. Anything can be changed at any time for any reason. Hope for the best, always, but plan for change too. Sometimes, those changes are what lead you to amazing places.

As a military spouse, things can feel a bit out of your control at time, and they are. But that doesn’t mean you can’t find the joy in this life anyway. Find ways to adapt to this crazy life and you might even surprise yourself over how much you actually do have control over.

Is Rank Really An Issue When It Comes To Making Friends As A Military Spouse?

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Did you ever watch Army Wives? You know how those military spouses are all such good friends despite their spouses’ rank? Is that even possible? Well, yes, and no.

While there are some cases when two spouses probably wouldn’t be friends because of rank, I think, for the most part, spouses don’t care. I would question the level of friendship between some of those characters on Army Wives, but in the end, I think they could all be friendly with one another if nothing else.

There are very few military spouses who ask a potential friend what their spouse’s rank is before they decide to befriend them. In my real-life experience of being an Army wife, usually, a spouse’s rank comes out but it is not something that you use to evaluate a friendship.

Usually, the conversation goes something like this, “we are PCSing to Fort Campbell and I wonder what E-5 housing is like” or, “once he goes to such and such a school, he will make E-7.” It is usually never, “Well, I can only be friends with spouses of E-6 and above.”

Rank is brought up as a simple fact of their service member’s time in the military, not something to rub in someone else’s face.

Rank shouldn’t be used to bring other people down and make them feel less than. Among us spouses, rank isn’t or shouldn’t be a big issue.

This isn’t to say that no one out there is like that, I am sure you could find someone who thinks that way. But in my experience, these people are not the norm.

You know why? Because most military spouses are really just trying to make friends. We all pretty much want the same thing, to be included, to find our people, and to have fun along the way.

We don’t care what your spouse does, we just want to know that you can relate to being a military spouse, at least in one way or another.

We don’t care how high up your spouse is, we just want to know that you have days when you miss them just as much as we miss our own and that we can laugh about that together.

We don’t care if there is an E by their rank or an O, we just want to know that we are not the only ones serving cereal for dinner sometimes and that feel overwhelmed by too many deployments.

Going through military life alone isn’t the best way to go and finding friends wherever you live is going to make this life a lot easier. Finding your people is going to help you through those lonely nights and crazy mornings. Knowing someone has your back is going to give you the bit of peace you need for this military lifestyle.

So if you are a new military spouse, try not to worry about people not wanting to friend you because of your spouse’s rank. I can’t promise that won’t happen, there are going to be those people out there. But I do know that most of us don’t care about that.

We want to know what your hobbies are, how old your kids are, what you like to read, what you like to watch, what your dreams are, what your fears are, and so on. 

And with time you will find the ones you will walk through this life with. The ones that will make you a better person. The ones you will befriend and have in your life from here on out.

Making friends as a military spouse is a must, no matter what rank your spouse might be. If you are new to your duty station, get out there and see what is going on. Figure out places to go to meet other spouses. Join your local spouse’s groups, and work towards finding those friendships. Doing so will be worth your time.

What do you think? Have you ever had trouble making friends because of your spouse’s rank? What did you do about it?

Jealousy, When You Are a Military Spouse

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Jealousy, When You Are a Military Spouse

During my time as a military spouse, I have experienced a variety of emotions. Happiness during homecoming. Sadness during a deployment. Getting excited about a new duty station or promotion. Loneliness when a friend moves away.

There are a lot of different emotions we feel during the time that our spouse is serving in the Military. One emotion that we can feel, even if we don’t want to, is jealousy.

Jealousy can happen when you least expect it. Jealousy can happen over a deployment schedule, a promotion, a pcs, or just life in general. You can be happy for someone and still feel that green-eyed monster creep up. When you are waiting for something to happen, and that very thing you are waiting for happens to someone else, you can feel jealousy coming up.

I have felt this way over the years. I feel bad when I do. I have felt this way when I felt like my husband was always deploying and others were not.

I have felt this way when someone else seemed to be holding it together better than I was.

I have felt this way over little silly things that I would never want to share with anyone.

Jealousy happens, but what we do with those feelings is what really matters.

One big lesson I have learned over the years is that military life simply isn’t fair. Some people deploy more than others. Promotions don’t always happen even if it feels like they should and some people get better duty stations than others.

Sometimes you are going to be surrounded by good friends and other times you will be the lonely one still trying to make new friends since your old friends moved away. Military life can often be one big cycle.

Some years are going to be better than others. That is the nature of Military life.

Want a free Guide for the First 30 Days of a Deployment???

If you are feeling jealous of someone else, know that it can happen, especially in Military spouse life when we know so much about what other people are doing. When our community is so small.

Maybe your spouse just left again, and theirs just got home, and that is causing you to feel jealous. Think about the times when you were experiencing what they were. Think about how you will be in their place in the future.

Try not to let everything get to you and remember that by the time you are getting ready for homecoming, they could be getting ready to send their spouse off again. You never really know.

Think about everything you have and all the amazing experiences you have been through in the past. Remember that even if it feels like everyone else has more than you do, others have less.

Try not to let jealousy rule you. Focus on what is going well in your life and work on what you don’t like. Let go of anything you don’t have control over. It simply isn’t worth your energy if you can’t do anything about it anyway.

The feeling of jealousy can creep up on you, but you don’t have to let jealousy win. Take a step back, write about what you are feeling in your journal, and know that seasons change all the time during military life. One moment you are in the midst of another deployment and the other you are on a family vacation celebrating their return.

Do you ever struggle with jealousy? What do you do about it when the green-eyed monster hits?