Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Julie

When Their Job Comes First

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The Military Has to Come First

We hear so often not to put your job before family. We hear so often that you should find a family-friendly workplace. We hear so often that these things are important, and they are, they really are.

But…

For the military spouse, married to a service member, their job has to come first. Sometimes at the worst time. Sometimes at the time you really need them.

The truth of the military is that the Army, or the Navy, or the Marine Corps, or whatever the branch has to come first.

The truth is, the military shakes up your life when you don’t want anything to do with the military at that moment.

When Their Job Comes First

The truth is, your spouse might have to go, go overseas, fight in a war, and they will have to go.

No matter how much they love you.

No matter how much they want to stay.

No matter how many other times they have had to be away.

When you married your service member, you knew they would be gone, you knew they wouldn’t always be with you. But the reality that the military does come first isn’t always easy to take.

Sometimes a deployment will come, right after a child get diagnosed with autism.

Sometimes a deployment will come, right after a miscarriage or other loss.

Sometimes a deployment will come right when a spouse is trying to heal from something that they feel they need their spouse there for.

Sometimes the timing just isn’t right, but there isn’t a lot you can do about that. The job has to come first.

There are times when things can be changed. There are compassionate reassignments. Commands can hold people back for a few months from a deployment. They can send them home early in some circumstances. But none of that is promised. None of that is 100%.

And trying to come to terms with everything isn’t easy. Trying to be “okay” with the military coming first isn’t easy. Figuring out ways to get through these difficult times isn’t easy.

Here are a few things you can do to help when you know the job has to come first.

Find a good support system

Basically, find your people. Both online and IRL. Find people who support you, and love you. They will be the ones to help you through.

Remember why they joined

When you are feeling really down about everything military related, remember why they joined the military in the first place. Remember why they enlisted. Thinking about all of that can put things in perspective.

Make a detailed plan

You might be going through something you need your spouse there for, but the military has to come first. So, what will you do about it? Who will you go to instead? You will need to come up with a plan.

Figure out what will make things easier for you. That could be hiring a babysitter once a week, starting a new workout plan, or creating a list of services you can call when the need arises.

Since we are all different people, our lists might not look the same, but making a good list of how you will get through this time is important.

Remember, even though the job or the mission has to come first, there are also periods of time when the family does. Maybe this is block leave after a deployment, or having your soldier stay home a few extra weeks to be there for the birth of your baby.

There are times when they will be home early and have days off. Remembering these moments isn’t always easy, especially when you are not currently living them but, they will come again, I promise.

What is the best way to handle the disappointment of when the job has to come first? What do you do to help you through?

Is More Flexibility the Best Way to Go?

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This post is sponsored by the Breastfeeding Shop!

The Breastfeeding Shop

I became a SAHM when I had my first baby, almost 20 years ago. During those first few months I was able to spend most of my time being a mom to just him. I didn’t have any other children to worry about.

Fast forward about six years when I had my third baby. I also had a four year old and a six year old. And a deployed husband. Taking all three of them anywhere was a challenge. I literally had my hands full.

It was during those years where I would try to find ways to make life a litter easier. I used a front baby carrier to wear the baby leaving my hands basically free to help with the other two.

When it comes to baby products, portability can be so important, especially when raising multiple children. But there are other factors to think about. At the Breastfeeding Shop, you can find a variety of breast pumps, from a more traditional table top pump to a portable wearable pump. TRICARE covers different types of pumps so you can go with what will work best for you and your lifestyle.

The truth is there are pros and cons to both table top breast pumps and wearable ones. It will boil down to what works best for you. There is a lot to think about.

Benefits of a Wearable Breast Pump

A wearable breast pump such as the Momcozy M5 Wearable Double Breast Pump or the Medela Freestyle Hands-Free Breast Pump is going to be a much more portable option. Whether you need to pump on the go, at work, or just around the house, a wearable pump is going to give you the flexibility to do so. With a wearable pump you don’t have all the tubing and you don’t have to be plugged in to use it. The wearable pump also weighs less.

Benefits of a Table Top Breast Pump

A more table top breast pump such as a Spectra S2 Breast Pump or a Medela Pump In Style With Max Flow Tech Basic has its own benefits. These types of pumps might be best for those who are exclusively pumping. They have a stronger motor, and can fully empty your breast. They might be what you need to feed your baby.

A Free Breast Pump

If you are pregnant, or even if you have already had your baby, and you have TRICARE, you should be able to get a free breast pump from the Breastfeeding Shop. You can qualify for a new breast pump for each and every birth event. That means you either gave birth to a baby or have adopted one and plan to breastfeed them.

The Breastfeeding Shop is the best place to order your free breast pump and supplies from. The Breastfeeding Shop is a family owned business who offers a range of supplies for whatever a new mom or a breastfeeding mom needs to nourish their babies.

To get your breast pump with insurance, you can fill out a form right on the Breastfeeding Shop website. Make sure you have your prescription handy. While they can contact your doctor to obtain it, providing it yourself will make the process much easier.

They have many different breast pumps to choose from. So whether you decide on a wearable breast pump for flexibility, or would rather have a more traditional pump, you can get something perfect for your baby and your lifestyle.

Did You Know About This Target Military Discount?

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One question you might have is if Target has a military discount. And they technically do!

Target is one of my favorite stores. We usually always end up there on date nights, just to walk around and pick up a few things. There is just something about that place that draws you in.

One of my earliest memories of the place was going there with my Dad and buying a watch with my allowance. The watch had different covers you could change out and I thought it was the coolest thing in the world. As an adult, Target is a must stop each and every week!

One question you might have is if Target has a military discount. And they technically do!

While Target doesn’t have a regular military discount, they do offer them during the year. They started offering a 10% military discount in November for Veterans Day. They have also added the 10% military discount around the 4th of July.

The discount is available for US members of the military, veterans, and their family members, including military spouses. You can use the Target military discount online and in person.

How do you get the Target military discount?

You would need to sign up through Target Circle. If you shop at Target, you should be signed up for Target Circle anyway. Through this program, you can save money and earn rewards. It’s a lot of fun when you go to place a Target order and see you have $5.00 in rewards to use. You would verify your military affiliation through Target Circle and then be able to use your military discount.

What is the Target military discount?

The Target military discount is for 10% off of your purchases. Keep in mind that there are some exclusions so you won’t be able to use the discount on everything. However, it would be a good time to make some purchases to save a little bit of money. You can use it on two qualifying storewide purchases.

When is the Target military discount?

As I said above, the Target military discount isn’t all of the time. You can find the discount in November and for this 4th of July, you can use the discount from June 23rd through July 6th.

What else does Target do for the military community?

Target has been a supporter of Blue Star Families’ Welcome Week. This is a week that is dedicated to welcoming families into their new communities. In addition, Target also has a Military Business Council which provides resources and support to Target employees who have a connection to the military.

Where else can I use a military discount?

There are many different stores that offer a military discount during the 4th of July. Walgreens and the Academy typically have them. Stores like Lowe’s and Home Depot have a regular 10% military discount, and Kroger in the Fort Campbell area offers 10% off every Wednesday.

Happy 4th of July and happy Target shopping!

4 Military Discounts for Your Puppy Dog Friends

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4 Military Discounts for Your Puppy Dog Friends

We got our first dog Gwen in 2013. She was a hound mix and such a perfect first dog for our family. In 2021, we added Max, a blue healer mix, who was quite the fun challenge. When we got Gwen she was already one year old and housebroken. When we got Max, he was only two months old and a little puppy. He did shake things up around here but, now at two years old, he is the sweetest thing and I am so glad we have him. Sadly, Gwen crossed the Rainbow Bridge a little before Christmas and we miss her so much.

If you have a dog or any pet, you will need to buy them supplies. From food to bedding to toys. You have to love the dog toys, I know Max does!

Luckily, there are quite a few places that sell things for pets with a military discount. Here are four of them. Happy shopping!

PetSmart

PetSmart not only offers pet supplies but also grooming, a pet hotel, doggie day camp, training, and more. You can save 10% on grooming on Tuesdays, and 10% on overnight stays at their PetsHotel as a military discount. They also have a deal for every new customer where you can receive one free night on multi-night stays.

PetSmart began with its first superstores opening in 1987, although they opened with the name, PetFood Warehouse. They changed the name to PetSmart a year later. They offered pet food in large quantities for lower prices and allowed you to bring your pet into the store with you, which was a new concept at the time.

A Pup Above

A Pup Above uses whole, human-grade ingredients in their dog food. You can buy dry food or fresh food, with flavors like Texas Beef Stew, or Porky’s Porchetta. They offer a 20% military discount. You would need to send them an email and you would then receive a code. A Pup Above was founded in 2018 by Ruth and Javier Marriott and their own doggy, Lola. They were tired of not knowing what was in Lola’s food so they created their own.

BullyStick.com

At BulyStick.com you can find bully sticks, which are protein-rich, all-natural dog chews made from 100% beef. They can be ideal for keeping your pup busy and out of trouble. They offer a 15% military discount to use on their website. You can use the coupon once every 7 days and the discount is open to active duty, veterans, and dependants.

Petmate

At Petmate you can find their popular kennels as well as bedding, pet steps and ramps, training tools, feeding and watering supplies, grooming items, and more. They offer a 20% military discount. Petmate began with a focus on providing safe pet transportation. They started with their first wood crate in 1964 and with their first plastic kennel in 1973. They officially started doing business as Petmate in 2009, and have been growing ever since. While the military discount is for their website, you can also find their products at stores such as Petco and PetSmart.

If you are interested in having your own military discount added to this list of pet military discounts please contact me here for more information.

14 Super Smart Tips For When Your Spouse Goes Off to Basic Training

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My husband went to basic training when I was in high school. I didn’t know him then, and when he did re-join the Army at age 30, he didn’t have to go back and do BCT again. He went straight on to his first duty station.

Having not been with my husband during his time in basic, I don’t have any personal experience with the topic so I asked some military spouses what their top advice would be about surviving basic training as the military spouse.

Basic training, boot camp, BCT, or recruit training is the first step in your spouse’s military career. This will be where they will get in shape, learn how their branch of the military works, and get used to the military culture. It will be very challenging for them and last between 8-12 weeks depending on the branch.

As a spouse, this will be the first time you will be away from one another because of the military, the first time you had to be a solo parent if you have children, and one of the hardest parts of starting military life.

Here are some tips to help you through the basic training period of military life:

1. Write to them

Write to them every day, talk about what you did, encourage them, and remind them how much you love them. Keep things simple and abide by the rules of what you can send. Even before you get an address from them, still write, you can always mail the letters later. Sometimes the letters home are just what they need to find the encouragement to make it through

2. Stay busy

Staying busy is so important. Take classes, go out with friends, read books, take up running, find something fun that keeps you busy. The busier you are, the faster the time will go.

3. Be patient

You are going to need a lot of patience to survive basic training. You will have to wait for them to write to you, you will have to wait for family day, you will have to wait until they graduate. The good news is, waiting is such a part of military life so you can start to develop how you will get through the future times apart that you know the military will bring.

4. Don’t count on a phone call

Don’t rely on getting a phone call. Assuming you won’t get a call and receiving one would be better than hoping for one and never getting it.

5. Keep your phone close

Even though you might not get many calls or might have to wait a long time for them, keep your phone close. You won’t want to miss a call that might come through.

6. Celebrate the little things

Celebrate all the small things that happen while they are gone. Enjoy life, and even the small things are worth being excited about.

7. Be supportive, even when it’s hard

Be as supportive as you can. Some days this might be tough. You might feel like all you want to do is scream and yell that he ever joined the military in the first place. Stay strong and keep encouraging your spouse as much as you can.

8. Send photos

Once you get the okay to send photos, do so. Your spouse will love to see them. If you have children, they will love to see how they are growing and what they have been up to.

9. Make friends with other spouses/girlfriends

See if you can find other spouses or girlfriends who have someone in basic when you do. There might be a Facebook group you can join. Finding someone else who is going through what you are will make this time apart much easier.

10. You are allowed to be sad

You are going to have sad days. Days when you cry, get frustrated, and feel so sad and lonely. This is okay. You just have to power through.

11. Develop you

Use this time to help develop you. Decide what you want to focus on. Is it school? A new job? Start a new hobby and figure out what you can do to help yourself in this military life.

12. Watch YouTube videos from others

There are YouTube videos out there that have been done by those who have gone through basic training. They talk about their experiences and watching these can help you understand what basic is like for your spouse. This is particularly useful since you might not be hearing much about what is going on with your spouse.

13. Remember, the first few weeks are the hardest

The first few weeks are going to be the hardest. You are trying to figure out your new normal and one away from your spouse. Give yourself a break and get through each day.

14. This too shall pass

At some point your spouse will receive orders to their first duty station, then you will start the process for your first PCS. Some people end up overseas right away, and others move to the next state over. While there will be deployments and other training in your future, you will get to live your lives with your spouse again. They will head off to work, come home in the evening and have weekends off. There will be normal days once again.

As a brand new military spouse, you are going to have a lot of worries and questions about this life. At first, certain things will seem overwhelming to you. TRICARE? What’s that? But over time, you will learn, and you will be able to figure this military life out.

The Truth About Seeing Your Spouse Again After A Deployment

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The Truth About Seeing Your Spouse Again After A Deployment

In the summer of 2009, I waited in an airport terminal in a fancy dress and heels. I never wear heels but this was a special day. My husband was flying in from Iraq for a two-week R&R during his year-long deployment. My boys and I were in California visiting my family, and that is where he was going to spend his R&R.

I was waiting at the airport, staring at the escalator that brought down the arriving passengers. Had it been ten years earlier, had 9/11 never happened I could have watched him get off the plane. But this was as far as I could go in our post-9/11 world.

Men and women came down with their backpacks and small bags of luggage, but I waited. And then, at the top of the stairs, I saw the first part of the uniform, and I knew it was him. We hadn’t seen each other for about nine months. As soon as I saw his face, I ran to him, heels and all.

I could hear all the other people in the airport when they realized what was happening, that a soldier was meeting up with his wife after time apart.

I heard cheers and claps as I ran right into his arms. This was bliss. This was what amazing meant. This was how things were supposed to be, both of us, in one another’s arms, husband, and wife together again.

I took off my heels as soon as we got into the car and started to relax. My parents had our boys, and we would see them again in the morning. This day, it was for me. Just for my husband and me. We got a local hotel and spent that first night together after so many months apart.

The strangest thing after a deployment is the feeling that you don’t know one another like you used to, like you did before they left.

This is a scary feeling. You guys have been living apart for quite a while. You both have changed. You are both not the same as you were the day that they left. This is normal.

That first day of R&R we decided to spend some time at a local outdoor mall. We walked around the stores and things felt weird. It was similar to how one would feel on a first date. Here was this man, this guy, he loved me and I loved him but things didn’t feel 100% familiar, not like they normally do.

I knew this feeling would fade. That time would pass and he would feel like home again. That’s what happened. I know we are lucky. That feeling doesn’t always come back for everyone.

That R&R we spent a lot of family time together and we were able to spend a few days on an anniversary trip to Catalina Island. We had gone there for our honeymoon and were now able to be back on our anniversary. Somehow that worked out despite crazy military schedules.

Two weeks went by and he had to go back as they do after R&R. I dropped him back off at the airport. This time we would be apart a little over two months.

That didn’t seem as bad. We could do it. Luckily that deployment didn’t get extended, but it was always a worry.

He came home that November and we started the process of moving back to the US from Germany. Another deployment was done, completed. So many years have passed since that summer and I can still remember so much about how I felt when he came home, how nice R&R was, and how hard saying goodbye at the end of R&R was.

The truth is, deployments can hit you hard. They can mess with you. They can cause you to think things about your relationship that simply are not true.

The time after deployment isn’t always bliss, in fact, for most people, there is always something to work through. Being away from your spouse isn’t easy and can take a lot of time to get back to any type of normal. Some couples have to work through so much. Some couples can’t get past it.

The truth is, a deployment is a difficult situation you and your spouse will have to go through. And for a lot of military spouses, you will have to go through them more than once.

You have to work hard, you have to work on your marriage, and you both have to be understanding of what you both have been through while you were apart.

If you are towards the end of your deployment, know that homecoming is probably going to be a good day. You will get your spouse back. You will no longer be married to your phone or your computer. Your real-life husband or wife will live with you again.

But also know that the after deployment road won’t always be easy. Homecomings look so amazing, and they can be, but once you get home, that is when the real work begins.

Be open, be honest, and seek help if you need to. This after deployment readjustment period can be filled with ups and downs. You have to get to know each other again, you have to work with what happened over there, things are not going to back to normal right away.

And your after deployment struggles could be different from other military couples. What you and your spouse struggle with can be different from what other couples struggle with. Don’t compare, and try to figure out what help you and your own spouse might need.

What are your best tips for reintegration after a deployment? What would you tell a spouse who is worried about what will happen after their service member comes home? 

What Memorial Day Really Means to the Military Community

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What Memorial Day Really Means For the Military Community

Memorial Day…a day for a BBQ, spending time in the pool, or an extra day off work?

Yes, but…

For the Military community, Memorial Day is a little different.

We do have BBQs, and we do spend time in the pool and have an extra day off work, but we also remember those who have lost their lives, in a very personal way.

Each of us knows a Gold Star family. I know many of them personally. Friends who became widows during our past deployments, friends who have received that knock on the door, friends who will never be the same.

They are who I think about on this day.

  • I think about how we all said goodbye to our husbands together, yet some did not return.
  • I think about my husband telling a fellow soldier what it was like to be a Dad, only to have that soldier lose his life the very next day. His wife was pregnant with their first baby.
  • I think about reading that email about the soldier who died and realizing I knew that last name. The name belonged to a friend of mine.
  • I think about hearing my husband talk about his buddy. How they had a lot in common. How he was a family guy too. And then receiving a phone call while I was in Vienna of all places, that he had also been killed in action.
  • I think about the fence outside the elementary school in Germany with the photos of those who we had lost during that long 15-month deployment.
  • I think about the little children that will never know their own fathers because they died before they were old enough to be able to remember them.
  • I think about the older children that still feel the loss so greatly years later.
  • I think about the Moms sending their children off to war only to get the knock on the door that they were not coming home.
  • I think about the end of a Memorial service when they call for the soldier and he does not answer. I think about how heartbreaking that really is.
  • I think about the table that sits empty at every Military Ball.

This is what Memorial Day means to the military community. We can’t help it. As a Military spouse, I have experienced all of this, and so have so many others.

Memorial Day is real life, not just something that happened 50 years ago. Memorial Day hits us hard, in so many different ways. Memorial Day is a time to reflect and remember, and mourn for those who have paid the ultimate price.

So when you are enjoying your day off, enjoying a BBQ, spending time with your family and friends, please remember the Gold Star families who are missing someone.

Remember what they have been through and what they have given up.

Say a prayer and remember that freedom is just not free. Freedom always comes with a cost.

Pregnant During Deployment: How to Make Life Easier

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This post is sponsored by the Breastfeeding Shop!

Pregnancy During Deployment: How to Make Life Easier

I was 25 weeks pregnant with my second child when my husband deployed for the first time. I also had a two year at home. And we lived on the 3rd floor of a stairwell apartment. This created a bit of challenge for me, especially as the pregnancy went on.

Pregnancy in general isn’t easy and not having my husband around to help added to it. But I did what I could, had to get creative sometimes, and made it through. For example, I knew I couldn’t go up and down those stairs multiple times a day so I would get a couple of bags of groceries every few days and that made things a lot easier. It helped to have access to a close Commissary to be able to make that work.

Here are a few things you can do to make life a bit easier if you are pregnant during a deployment:

  • Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Others in the community have been when you have been and many would love to help you out in one way or another. Anything from offering used clothing to watching an older child during prenatal appointments. Finding your support system is a must!
  • Take classes. Most duty stations will offer classes on childbirth and parenting. These classes can help you feel more at ease when it comes to preparing to give birth and then raising your baby.
  • Ask family or good friends to come visit and help you. I know asking for help is hard but if you have anyone that might be able to come help you, even if for a few days, that can ease some of the stress. I was thankful to have my mom come out for two months to be there during the birth and then after the baby was born.
  • Stay organized. There is a lot to do to prepare for having a new baby. You will want to stay organized whether it is keeping track of all your appointments, what you still need to buy before they get here, or just what you need to do on a day to day basis.
  • Breathe. I know that being pregnant during a deployment without a partner in the house is overwhelming but you can get through this. Let go of some of your expectations. You won’t be able to do everything. Give yourself grace for getting done what you can.

When you are pregnant, your body changes in so many ways. And sometimes you need a little extra support, especially as you get closer to your due date.

Compression garments for your pregnancy

The Breastfeeding Shop, known for a great place to get your FREE breast pump, also offers a selection of compression garments to help you feel better during your pregnancy.

You can find:

Pregnancy Support Bands

Pregnancy Support Bands and Pregnancy Support Braces which help improve posture and reduce pain, Pregnancy Compression Socks and Maternity Support Hose which help prevent swelling and discomfort, and V-Sling Pelvic Support Bands.

Maternity Support Hose

TRICARE will cover prenatal support garments and maternity compression hose and socks.

These products can help you feel a little better during those last few months before the baby comes.

When it comes to what you need for baby, beyond the breast pump you can get a range of breastfeeding supplies. Many are covered by TRICARE too!

TRICARE covers the following supplies:

  • A breast pump kit
  • Power adapters
  • Tubing
  • Tube Adapters
  • Locking rings
  • Bottles
  • Bottle caps
  • Storage bags
  • Valves and membranes
  • SNS (Supplemental Nursing System)
  • Nipple shields and splash protectors

You can begin getting breast pump supplies before delivery, starting at 27 weeks, up to three years after the birth event.

The Breastfeeding Shop is the perfect place to get your free breast pump, breast pump supplies, and maternity support garments. They make it easy to order what you need and you can upload your prescription right on the website.

The Breastfeeding Shop is a family owned business who offers a range of supplies for whatever a new mom or a breastfeeding mom needs to nourish their babies. Visit them for all of your breast pump and breastfeeding needs.