Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Julie

Preparing For Baby With a New Breast Pump

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This is a sponsored post!

Preparing For Baby With a New Breast Pump

Having a baby changes your life, whether they are your first child or your fifth. Whenever you add to your family, you change the dynamic and end up asking yourself the question, “What do I really need to prepare for this baby?”

When we got pregnant with our third child, we had a three and five year old, and didn’t have a lot of baby stuff. We had gone through a few PCS moves since they were babies, and had gotten rid of a lot of baby items. We had to ask ourselves, what do we need and what can we live without?

I remember going to yard sales, letting family know what we needed, and shopping for sales to find a few deals. There is a lot to do to get ready for a new baby.

You probably need to buy a crib for them to sleep in, diapers and wipes, and of course a carseat. You also need to think about feeding the baby. What will you need to make breastfeeding more successful? A nice nursing chair, and a quiet space is important. Buy beyond that, you could get a breast pump.

The good news is, as a military spouse or service member with TRICARE, you do not have to buy a breast pump. That’s right. TRICARE covers breast pumps. One for each and every baby.

Although this benefit started after I had my last child, I know it would have been an amazing thing to have had back when I was getting ready for my babies.

TRICARE will cover a breast pump, breast pump supplies, and breastfeeding counseling at no cost to the mom.

Who qualifies for a breast pump?

All TRICARE eligible female beneficiaries with a birth event qualify for a breast pump. A birth event is a pregnancy or someone who legally adopts and plans to breastfeed. This is valid for each baby you may have. All TRICARE plans and all sponsor status qualify for this benefit.

What about breastmilk bags and accessories?

In addition to the breast pump, you will also receive 1 breast pump kit per birth event. These other accessories are also included in the benefit:

  • Breastmilk storage bags – 100 bags come with the pump and you can get 100 more every 30 days.
  • Standing power adapters
  • Locking rings
  • Bottles
  • Bottle caps
  • Valves/membranes
  • Supplemental Nursing System (SNS)
  • Nipple shields/splash protectors

You can qualify for more quantities of supplies with a prescription from your doctor when medically necessary.

The Breastfeeding Shop ships across the United States, and Overseas APOs, FPOs, and DPOs.

Where can you get a breast pump and order supplies?

The best place to order your free breast pump and supplies is from the Breastfeeding Shop. The Breastfeeding Shop is a family owned business who offers a range of supplies for whatever a new mom or a breastfeeding mom needs to nourish their babies.

They have a wide range of breastfeeding accessories, products, storage products, breast pumps, breast pump accessories, and more. They ship throughout the US, as well as overseas locations with APO, FPO, and DPO addresses.

What breast pumps does the Breastfeeding Shop offer?

You can head on over to their Breast Pump page to see what they have to offer as far as breast pumps for military moms. They have many to choose from based on your needs and what you are looking for in a breast pump.

How do I order my breast pump and supplies?

To get your breast pump with insurance, you can fill out a form right on the Breastfeeding Shop website. Make sure you have your prescription handy. While they can contact your doctor to obtain it, providing it yourself will make the process much easier.

If you are expecting a new baby, you might be feeling a bit overwhelmed with all the decisions you need to make. If you are curious about a breast pump, take the time to head on over to the Breastfeeding Shop. They should be able to help!

And remember, you can qualify for a new breast pump for each and every birth event.

When Your Spouse Wants to Join the Military, But You Are Not So Sure

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When Your Spouse Wants to Join the Military, But You Are Not So Sure

So your spouse is thinking of joining the military?

When I married my husband, the Army was a part of his past. He had served in the military when he was younger, and that was before my time. He had stories and photos, and that was about it. We were married as civilians and started our life together.

But the funny thing about life is you never know where you might end up. You never know where the road might take you. And even though I married my husband not thinking about being a military spouse, a few years later, that’s exactly what I became.

After being married for over three years, my husband re-joined the Army, and we became a military family. Everything seemed to change when that happened. Everything about our future, our children and future children, and how our life would play out changed.

Now, some military spouses marry their service member after they have already joined the military. Some get married right when they joined. But there are many of us who were with their service member before they decided to join.

You may be in a place where your spouse or partner is thinking about joining the military. And this is making you a bit nervous. They want to join the military but you are not totally sure. The military is a whole new world and you could be having a few reservations about the decision to join.

This is totally normal. Joining the military can lead to some major changes in your life. When your spouse signs up for the military, you might have to move far away, you might have to find a new job, and your life might feel like it has been turned upside down.

The truth is, if you are already together before the military, you both need to be a part of the decision to join. You need to have discussions about what joining will mean, and how life might have to change. Because, yes, life is going to change.

Here are a few things you can do if your spouse has decided they want to join the military or if they are starting to ask questions about the process:

Ask your questions

Don’t be afraid to ask questions. You might have some fears or worries about what military life will be like, and it is best to seek out answers. The more you know about what you are getting into, the better.

Have some serious discussions about what your spouse has in mind when they join the military. Will this be a big career change or something they want to try for a few years? Sometimes, they might not even know but feel they need to at least try it to find out.

Remember, everyone’s military life looks different

Before my husband joined the military, I thought I had an idea of what our years as a military family would look like. But I never could have predicted the reality.

You can talk to other military spouses about their experiences to get an idea of what to expect, but keep in mind that your reality might be different. Even the amount of times your spouse will be deployed during a given amount of time can be all over the place based on what is going on in the world, your spouse’s job in the military, and where they are stationed.

You are stronger than you think

One of the biggest lessons I have learned as a military spouse of almost 16 years is that I am much stronger than I think I am. When this whole journey started, I didn’t think I could ever be a solo parent. I found the idea impossible.

But I realized quickly that what once has seemed impossible was actually possible. Is it always easy? No, solo parenting is very challenging and some days, it does feel impossible. But us military spouses get through those times. We have to.

So while you might fear that you are not capable of this, you might actually be able to get through the challenging parts of military life. We rarely feel we can conquer the mountains of military life, but we do.

Plan to make friends

If your spouse does go on to join the military, plan to make friends. You will need them. These other spouses who get how a deployment might go, or what moving every three years is really like.

As you join the military community you will be able to find mentors and other seasoned spouses who have been there. You will be able to connect with others and find your own “battle buddies.” You will make memories with these other military spouses, and they will become the best part of your military life.

Take it all day by day

In many parts of military life, you will have to take things day by day. This starts from day one when they leave for basic training.

There is so much to this life, and so many changes, that each day can be different from the next.

Try not to sweat all the small things, and look forward to the future. There are so many amazing parts to being a military spouse. Military life is truly the good mixed with the bad.

If your spouse wants to join the military, take this request seriously. Talk things over, and see if this is something you can support your spouse on.

Each family is different, and joining the military might not be the best choice for every family. But if you and your spouse decide that joining is the right choice, know you have a big community of other military spouses out there to help you through. You got this!

When Your Spouse Deploys

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When Your Spouse Deploys

When you are married to a service member, you know the time will come; you know that they will eventually deploy. If they haven’t yet, you know they will and while you might know this is all coming, hearing those words are never easy.

They come home from work one day, walk in the door, and by the look on their face, you know what they are going to say.

There have been rumors, the other military spouses talk. You knew a deployment might happen, but you hoped they wouldn’t leave until next year. When your kids were not as young, when you had less on your plate, when the timing seemed better.

But is there ever a good time for a deployment?

“I have some news,” he says. “What is it?” You say, now is not the time to beat around the bush.

“We are deploying.”

“Okay.” You are not sure how to respond. You are shocked. You are not shocked. You want more details, and so you ask for them. He tells you that it will probably be in June, next June, unless they send him early in May, or even April and there is a slight chance he won’t have to go until late July, even August.

Your brain tries to go to the next year. Wasn’t that when you were finally going to take the kids to Disneyworld? Guess that will have to wait. You also wanted to start school? Go back and finish your degree, but is a deployment the right time to do so? Maybe, maybe not.

“Okay,” you say, because you can’t say anything else, you are still trying to process everything.

You are still trying to figure out what you are going to do and how you are going to get to a place where you can handle this.

When Your Spouse Deploys

“It’s still four months away,” he says. And you know that. He isn’t leaving tomorrow. You still have plenty of time. But you also know that time will go by too fast, as it always does. That four months isn’t that long.

You are now in pre-deployment mode, even if the deployment doesn’t seem real. Your emotions change, you start to feel like you are more in survival mode than you were before. You worry more about the kids, calculating how old they will be when he leaves and when he is supposed to get home.

And then time passes. He starts to get his things together. Military stuff everywhere. You don’t want it in your living room, but that is where he has to pack.

And one day, his military stuff is gone. And you know he will soon follow.

It’s now the week before the deployment. He is leaving. Earlier than you wanted, later than he first said. You were able to squeeze so many memories in the last few months, but were they enough? Are they ever enough? The kids know he is going; you don’t know how hard the deployment will be for them.

You pray for your spouse, for patience, for relief from the pain this deployment brings. You know you can get through this time apart, but how many times will it feel like you can’t? How many breakdowns will you have during the months he is away?

Then the week turns into just a couple of days and then it is the night before. What do you do the night before they deploy? And then it is the day of. You wake up too early, can you sleep through this day?

When Your Spouse Deploys

No, this is the day you say goodbye. The day the countdown begins.

And then it is time to get into the car, you try not to cry, but the tears are right there. You have decided that you simply can’t stay until he leaves. You will say your goodbyes and take the kids back home. That is what works best for you and your family.

And then you give him that one last hug, one last kiss, one last goodbye. You are committed to doing this; you will not walk away, you hope this deployment makes your marriage stronger.

When you get home from dropping them off, you think about all the things he will miss, and that is when the waterworks flow. You worry about their safety and hope you can find a way to calm your fears.

When your spouse deploys, you will find a way to make it through. Through those lonely nights, through the time apart, and through everything that comes your way.

If you have just started a deployment, or in the middle of one, make sure to check out my deployment posts and join my Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life Facebook group. Deployment support is out there.

The Reality of Raising Children Away From Family

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The Reality of Raising Children Away From Family

When your spouse joins the military, one of the things you have to be okay with is raising your children away from family. You won’t always be stationed close to home. You might be across the country, or even the ocean from everything you have ever known. This can be hard to adjust to and even harder to accept.

The reality of raising children away from family can feel so upsetting sometimes. If you have an idea in your head of what type of role your family has when you have your own children, there can be a lot of disappointment. The truth is, you never really know how this will make you feel and sometimes it doesn’t feel good.

I have always wanted to get away from home. About two months after high school graduation, I moved about nine hours away to go to college. This wasn’t because I hated my family, but I wanted to get out and explore. I wanted to experience life in different places. I wanted to “see the world” as much as I could.

Before my husband re-joined the Army, we moved from California to Kentucky with a six-month-old. Back then, I didn’t think much about what this meant as far as raising children away from family. I didn’t think about how difficult that would sometimes be or what we would be giving up by moving away.

Once my husband joined the army, we didn’t have as much of choice. We ended up in Germany and then Fort Campbell. These days, the Army can’t keep us. My husband is in the National Guard and technically could switch to a different state. However, there are a lot of reasons why moving back near family simply isn’t possible for us right now.

The Reality of Raising Children Away From Family

We are the part of the family that lives far away.

We are the ones the others don’t see too often. We are the ones that miss the birthday parties, the get-togethers, and the day to day lives of our family members. This is something so many military families can relate to as well.

When you are raising children away from family, you know that the people that are most special to you will miss out on certain parts of their childhood. You know that there are always pictures and video, but they can never replace being there in person. You try your best to keep everyone involved, but even through doing that, it isn’t the same as being there.

When you are raising children away from family, you must depend on friends and pay babysitters vs asking family to help watch your kids.

In the midst of solo parenting, this becomes a bigger challenge. What if you just need someone to watch your kids so you can breathe? Is that really something you can ask a friend to do? To pay a sitter to do? This part of being away from family can be difficult, and I envy my friends who have family nearby who can be there to step in for childcare needs.

When you are raising children away from family, the distance can make it difficult for your kids to know all of your family members the way you would want them to. Connecting across the miles isn’t always easy. Everyone is living busy lives and unless you take the time to schedule out calls and video chats on a regular basis, years can go by without talking.

While staying connected to grandma might be easy, staying connected to other family members is a lot more difficult. Your kids don’t get to have regular get-togethers and times with these people. Unless you can travel home often, too much time can go by without seeing one another.

The Reality of Raising Children Away From Family

There is hope though. Just because you are a military family doesn’t mean you have to say goodbye forever. 

For one thing, there is always the chance that you will be stationed near your family. There are plenty of military families that live within a couple of hours from home. They travel there on long weekends, every holiday, and the divide isn’t so great.

If you are stationed overseas, or across the country from your family, this can give them a reason to visit you. You can play tourist and show them around. You can make memories you otherwise wouldn’t have made had you never left home.

When you live far away from family, you gain some independence you wouldn’t otherwise have. Friends become like family, and you learn how to have quiet holidays without a lot of the stress. There is something to be said for this type of life.

You can visit, as much as you can.

And although visiting will never be the same as living close, seeing your family on a regular basis can be an excellent way to bridge that divide. And if you can’t visit often right now, that could change as the years go by.

When you are raising children away from family, there are so many times you are going to feel left out. That you are going to feel that your kids are missing out. That you are going to wonder if you made the right decision to leave, even if that decision was made because of the military.

The best thing to do is look at everything you have and everything your kids have gained since you left. Focus on the positives of living away from home instead of the negatives.

Think about how your children have been to castles in Europe and have seen the Roman Colosseum. Think about the friends who became like family, that will always be in your life. Think about the quiet moments that have bonded you all together, that might not have happened as often had you stayed.

And remember, life can change as life often does. The way you are living your life right now can be completely different in a few years. If you want to be close to home again, see if your spouse can be stationed in your home state. Invite family to visit. Take more trips. And always make sure to connect over the miles, even if life seems too busy to do so.

How far away do you live from your family? What do you do to stay connected? 

Giving Birth When Your Spouse Is Deployed

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Giving Birth When Your Spouse Is Deployed

Giving birth when your spouse is deployed is common in the military spouse community.

If you walk into a room of Military spouses and ask how many of them have given birth when their spouse was deployed, you would get quite a few hands. It is something that has happened to a lot of us. Despite planning, a compassionate chain of command and a lot of prayers, sometimes the dads have to miss the birth. This just comes with being a Military spouse.

The reason I had to give birth without my husband was because I was due right in the middle of a deployment. He left in August and I was due in December. In some cases, they might let someone stay back for a birth. That was not the case for us that time. When I was due with baby #3, my husband did get to stay back because he was not allowed to deploy until November and I was due December 1st.

He just missed the birth

With my Germany baby, the child I had without my husband, I was expecting around mid-December. Considering my previous experience with my oldest son being born two weeks early, I anticipated an early delivery. We were hopeful that my husband would be able to be home for the birth as he was scheduled for R&R around the due date.

However, in the end, he didn’t leave Iraq until the day I gave birth. It took him a few days to get to Germany. He finally got to meet our baby when he was three days old.

Thank goodness for mom

Luckily I was able to have my Mom there with me. When I found out he might not be there in time for the birth, I asked if she could come out. Since we knew my other son was early, we had to plan on baby #2 being that early too and she came about 2.5 weeks before my due date.

In the end he was only born four days early. I almost think the stress of knowing my husband wasn’t leaving Iraq until later caused him to wait a bit longer to be born.

When your spouse is deployed, they may not make it in time

In some cases, the service member is not going to make it home for the birth or even be home for a few months after the birth either. This depends on the situation, the unit, rank and all of that.

During that first deployment, I had a few friends who got pregnant on R&R thinking their husband would be home in more than enough time to be there for the birth. In the end, the deployment was extended for 15 months total and the men were not allowed to go home to see their children being born. They got to meet them when they were about two months old.

If you think you might be in a situation where you will be giving birth without your husband, it is important to remember that you are not alone. Others have done it before and you will be able to get through it.

When you have to give birth without your spouse

  • Find someone who can attend the birth with you. Family member, friend and in some cases a doula can step in when your husband cannot be there. Find someone you trust that you want to be by your side. This will make a big difference and you won’t have to go through the birth alone.
  • Prepare yourself for the possibility. If your spouse just left and they tell you he can come back for the birth, don’t believe that 100%. Things always change in the Military. Promises can be broken. Nothing is set in stone until it happens. Tell yourself early on that if he can’t be there, you will be okay. Then hope and pray that he can be there. It is all you can do.
  • Use Video. We didn’t have this back in 2006 but these days women are giving birth while their husband is watching and cheering them on using Facetime or Zoom. Now this will take planning and help from the Unit but it can be done. Thank goodness for modern technology that this is even an option. Now a dad can help coach his wife through childbirth, even from overseas.
  • Take any help you can get.  When people find out that you are having a baby by yourself, they will offer to help you. Take them up on it. From watching your other kids to taking you meals. Don’t say no to this kind of help. You will need the help and be very grateful for it later.

As a Military spouse, you have to make sacrifices and giving birth without your husband could be one of them. Know you are strong enough to handle doing this and remember, you are not alone.

Have you had to give birth when your spouse was deployed? How did it go?

What Military Spouses Want Their Civilian Friends to Know

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What Military Spouses Want Their Civilian Friends to Know

I saw them every day. I went to school with them. Military kids.

I remember driving on base to pick up a friend. I think the gate guards had to call her house to get their okay to let us in. This was pre-9/11 of course.

I remember hearing about how my friend’s dad always had to be away. I didn’t understand what that would be like. My dad was always home.

I remember my co-worker, sending letters to her military husband she had married over leave. How did she do that? How did she have a husband who lived half a world away? I remember her, “Half my heart is in Afghanistan” sticker on her car.

I was complaining to my mom about having to move yet again in my college years. She told me to think of all those military wives that had to pack up their children and keep moving every few years.

And then, in 2005…I became a part of this world. This military lifestyle that I had only seen glimpses of in my civilian years. A life that I didn’t even really know much about, even if I had seen a few war movies. A life that has surprised me in many different ways.

Now I am on the other side. There are so many things I want my non-military spouse friends to know. I want them to understand how things can be for us and what living as a military spouse is all about.

We know we are not the only ones who miss our spouses

As much as we miss our spouses, as much as how that part of military life is hard for us, we are aware that other spouses go through separations too. We know about truck drivers and police officers and firefighters and surgeons and contractors.

We know we are not the only ones missing the ones that we love. We might not be in a good place to hear about how badly someone is missing a spouse who is only gone for a week but even then, we can understand that when you are not used to being apart, it can be difficult. Talking about our military life struggles doesn’t mean we think we are the only ones going through this type of hardship.

We remember our pre-military spouse years

Unless you became a military spouse the day you got married, you will have lived as a civilian before military life started. You remember what it is like. You can compare the before and after.

People have said that military spouse life is the same as any other. I call BS on this. I remember what it was like before the Army.

These days, my life looks different than it did pre-Army, but also different than it did when my husband was active duty. There is a big difference between the two. It isn’t that one type of life is better than any other, but they are different, and saying they are the same does a disservice to both types of lifestyles.

Our marriages are not doomed

It’s way too easy to look at the hardships that military families go through and think that all of our marriages are doomed. This is not true. Sometimes the hardships make for stronger marriages.

Sometimes life outside the military is a reason couples break up. Sometimes people change. Sometimes this is because of the military.

We get jealous

It’s true. I am not going to lie. I have been jealous of non-military families. Of not having to send anyone to war. Of not having friends move away all the time.

I think this is natural. It’s what you do with your jealousy that matters. I can choose to be bitter about it, or I can try to work through it and not let it run my life.

Army wives is not reality

So many people ask if Army Wives the tv show is just like our life. No. It’s a TV show.

There are some truths to the show. There are some realities they got right but for the most part, especially after the first season, things do not seem like real life to me.

We are a diverse bunch

There are so many diverse military families and so many types of people who make up the military world. Some are pretty conservative, some are pretty liberal. Some are from a small town, some are from a big city.

Some have a lot of children, some have no children with no plans to add any in the future. The military world is such a mix of different people. There is not just one way to be a military spouse.

We will miss this life when it is over, even if we couldn’t wait to be civilians again

When it comes to getting out of the military, some of us are really excited about that. However, that doesn’t mean getting out is going to be easy.

We will miss parts of military life. We will sometimes wish we never had to leave. The post ETSing process can be very emotional.

We know you can’t fully understand and that is okay

We know that no matter how many times we explain our lives, or how many blog posts we write, you will never fully understand. And that is okay.

We can’t expect you to, just like we can’t totally understand any of the struggles you are going through that we haven’t experienced. That is life. And that’s okay.

We are thankful

When we know our civilian friends support us, we are thankful. We are thankful for any messages they give. We know they are looking at our lives from the outside but we are so thankful when we know people care and acknowledge what we are going through.

Even if we do get frustrated by certain comments, we know deep down they come from a place of thankfulness and we really appreciate that.

What would you add to this list? What do you want your civilian friends to know about military life?

Famous Military Veterans: Tom Selleck Served in the Military

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Famous Military Veterans: Tom Selleck Served in the Military

Tom Selleck is one of my favorite actors! He is also a veteran, having served in the California National Guard.

The actor got rose to popularity after he played P.I. Thomas Magnum, in the TV show, Magnum P.I, which ran from 1980-1988. I remember watching a lot of Magnum P.I. on reruns in the 1990s and loved that show. It’s so 80s!

Today, you can find him on the show Blue Bloods, as New York City Police Commissioner Frank Reagan. Another great show about a family of police officers. Selleck plays a widow and father of the family. Actor Len Cariou plays his father on the show, even though the two are only about six years apart in real life.

You might also remember Tom Selleck in the 1987 comedy, Three Men and a Baby, or as Monica Geller’s love interest in Friends.

Tom Selleck was born in Michigan in 1945, and his family moved to Sherman Oaks, CA just a few years later. He started acting while in college and stared in a Pepsi commercial in 1967. He was also drafted into the Vietnam war the same year.

He joined the California National Guard and served from 1967-1973 in the 160th Infantry Regiment of the California Army National Guard. In fact, he even appeared on the California National Guard recruiting posters at one time.

In a quote on Military.com, the actor has said, “I am a veteran; I’m proud of it. I was a sergeant in the U.S. Army infantry, National Guard, Vietnam era. We’re all brothers and sisters in that sense.”

Tom Selleck is a big supporter of the military, and we thank him for his service. In 2009, he joined the Vietnam Veterans Memorial Fund as national spokesman for the new Education Center being built on the National Mall.

4 Things to Do When the Military Cancel Your Plans

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4 Things to Do When the Military Cancel Your Plans

You don’t have to be a military spouse for too long to have had the military cancel your plans. Whether it is something small, like a date you had planned, or an appointment you needed them to be with you at, to bigger things such as a deployment changing its dates, or a move being delayed longer than you would like.

Over the years I have had to cancel so many things because of the military. This was even more true when my children were younger. I would have everything lined up, and boom, it all had to change.

So what do you do if the military cancels your plans? Tell the military they can’t do that? Oh, how I wish that was the answer…:) But really, what can you do? Here are a few ideas!

1) Journal it out. The military canceling plans is a big reason I think journaling is so important. Get your journal out and write about how frustrated you are. Write it all out. That will make you feel much better, I promise. And if you are looking for a journal, I have a few in my new SWCL shop!

2) Call a friend who gets it. This might be another military spouse who can understand your frustration or a nonmilitary spouse friend who has experienced something similar. Disappointment sucks, so find a friend who gets how frustrating this can be and someone you feel comfortable venting to. They might even be able to help you with #3.

3) Make a plan. This will be based on what the canceled activity or event is. Sometimes when the military changes things we have to restructure everything, other times we just have to make a few calls to make it work. But you will need to make a plan. Once you do, you will see that things are not as bad as they seem.

4) Reschedule, if you can. In some cases, you can reschedule whatever was canceled. Although you might have to wait a bit to do so. If you had to cancel a trip, think about when you could reschedule it. If you had to cancel an appointment, see when their next available one is. Try to remind yourself that you will get to do the thing you want to do, even if it is later than you thought it would be. Our June 2020 vacation was canceled because of military duties, but we took the trip in March of 2021 and had a great time.

I hate it when the military cancels our plans, even worse when there doesn’t seem to be any reason for it. A date change, an orders change, or any other change is enough to drive me crazy. I know I am not supposed to write my plans in pen, but I really can’t help it sometimes.

In military life, you have to always hope for the best, plan for the worst, and that isn’t always easy to do. I still struggle in how to balance planning a trip or other event with the fact that at anytime the military could cancel our plans. But, these tips really help me get to a better place, and to be able to have a more balanced life.

What are your best tips for dealing with when the military cancels your plans???