Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Julie

A Military Dad

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He wakes up early, leaving his sleeping children. He has to get to work.

He puts on his uniform and stares at the calendar, they were running out of days.

He knows he has to go, he knows this is his duty, but saying goodbye to those kids isn’t going to be easy.

He packs his bag and sees his wife crying. He wishes this wasn’t going to be so hard for her. He never thought she would have to go through so many parenting seasons alone.

He promises to write. He promises to call. He hopes he won’t be forgotten.

And then it is time to say goodbye…

A Military Dad

He hugs those boys and knows how much they will grow when he is gone. He tries not to think about that, but it is right there in his mind. Being away for so many months at a time is a part of this life that makes everything so hard.

He has a sense of duty to his country. To go. To fight. To make a difference.

He has a sense of duty to his family. To his wife. To his kids.

And sometimes, he can’t do both at the same time. Sometimes he has to go away, and do his job, and try to be there for his family across the miles.

And other times he does get to be home. To make memories. To be able to be a dad in person, not just on a screen.

He wonders if his kids will remember this. He wonders if they will hate him for leaving because they don’t understand. He wonders if things will be weird when he gets back home.

And after months away, he struggles. He loves his kids but he doesn’t know them like he would if he never went away. He loves his family but being so far from home is so hard.

He focuses on the job, on the mission, on his duty. He tries not to dwell on what he is missing but on what he is helping to protect. He tries every day to be the best soldier he can knowing he also needs to be the best father he can be at the same time.

And time goes by…he misses those kids. He misses so much. The first steps, the first words, the first moments. He hopes he doesn’t miss much more, but with years left serving in the military, he knows he might.

And then it is time to go home. To get out of this place, and be back where he belongs. With his wife, and his kids. But he worries.

Has he been gone too long? Will his three-year-old remember the trips to the park before he left? Will the one-year-old bond with him as his brother did? Will his wife be okay after so many months of solo parenting?

And the plane lands and the deployment is over. He sees them, right away. She is wearing a blue dress, and the boys match one another. His oldest is holding a sign. He can’t wait for the moment he can hug and kiss all of them.

But they have to wait and he has to stay stoic. He sees his family but he can’t crack a smile. Not yet.

Then it is time, they are free to go and he runs to her and the boys. And they hug and kiss and all feels right in the world. Those boys, those kids, they have missed him so much but he is back.

And they drive home together and everything is different at home. And yet, nothing is different. This is his family and they still love him so much. As the days pass, there might be struggles, but he is home, where his heart is.

He isn’t used to the new bedtime. He isn’t used to a toddler. He isn’t used to this new normal. But they will work through everything.

And this soldier, he may have to deploy again, and there might be more times apart. But no matter where he goes or how far away he might be, these are his kids and they will always love him.

The 15 Stages You Will Experience On Your Next Military PCS to a Brand New Place

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The 15 Stages You Will Experience On Your Next Military PCS to a Brand New Place

These are the stages of a Military PCS

PCS season is around the corner and life is getting quite hectic for quite a few military families. Although it has been a while since our family has gone through a military PCS, I remember the process and how stressful and crazy everything can be.

1. Bored and ready to move

After you have been at your duty station for two or three years, you probably start to feel ready to make a change. You know you are going to be moving this year, you want to know where, and you are ready to start the process.

2. Soft orders, start planning

You hear where you are going to go. If you are happy with this choice, you are worried that will change. If you are not, you are praying it will. You still need to be patient to wait for the physical orders before any of your PCS dreams (or nightmares) can come true.

3. Orders change

Your orders have changed. You assumed you would be spending the next three years in Hawaii, sorry, it’s El Paso. There is still a chance they could change again, but you aren’t holding out much hope. Try to just go with the flow and to not worry too much about the changes until things become set in stone.

4. Hard orders cut, it’s for real

Okay, you are going to this duty station. This is for real. Time to start your planning. You start asking in your local Facebook groups and Google all things about your new duty station. This is an exciting time, but then you start to feel a bit overwhelmed.

5. Stressed out with all you have to do

There is so much to do with a PCS. So many lists to make. So much to get done beyond your everyday lives. Make sure to create some system for everything you have to do and all the paperwork you need. Starting a PCS binder can be a very good idea but you can also just make sure you have a safe place for everything that is easy to take with you on the plane or in your car.

6. Get organized and plan

This is the stage where you decide if you want to live on base or not. If you want to live off, where you should find a house. Should you rent or buy? What about the schools? Take your time and try to relax about this part. There is going to be a lot of information out there and some of it, you can wait until after you are moved to figure it all out. Check out PCSGrades for reviews on different areas near where you will be moving.

7. Movers come, stuff goes

The day has come for the movers to pack up all of your earthly goods. Make sure to get your movers some lunch and offer snacks. They will appreciate it. Don’t pack your trash and make sure anything you want to take with you is safely locked in your car or a room the movers won’t go in.

8. All those last-minute things

It wouldn’t be a PCS without all the last-minute things you will need to do. From cleaning out your home to making sure you have turned in all those library books before you leave. Reward yourself with a Starbucks or a cupcake after you get everything done. And breathe.

9. Saying goodbye

Saying goodbye to friends is the worst. Try to say, “see you later.” Make sure you are connected on Facebook, that is where your friends will now live. Enjoy the last few days you have together and remember, the military is a small world and you could get stationed together again someday.

10. Physically moving

Now it’s time to either leave for the airport or get in your car to drive away from your home for the last 2-4 years. Adventure awaits, and once you reach this step, you start to feel like everything is going to work out. Remember to bring plenty of snacks and make sure you leave time for pee breaks if you are driving, especially if you have small children.

11. Hotel living

We were lucky, and the longest we had to stay in a hotel was a week. Others have to stay in them for much longer to wait for housing. Try to be creative with planning your hotel stay and remember, eventually, you will live in an actual house, with a real kitchen and no hotel keys.

12. Your stuff is here

Yay! Your stuff is here, you have moved into your new home and life is about it get much better. No more sleeping on an air mattress and your son finally gets to play Xbox again.

13. Unpacking hell

Time to unpack and unpack and then spend more time unpacking. Just get it done. All of it. You will be glad you did.

14. Make new friends

Now that you are at your new duty station, time to make new friends. This can be difficult but putting yourself out there is a must. Start with just saying hi to a neighbor or going to a playgroup with your kids. Making friends will take time but once you do you will feel more at home no matter where you are stationed.

15. Relax in your new home

Whether you are in a 3rd story two-bedroom apartment in Germany or have bought your first ranch house outside of Ft. Carson, enjoy your new home. This will be where you will live for the next few years. Bloom where you are stationed even if you are sad to be there. Adventures await!

If you are going through a PCS right now, what stage are you in?

Military Spouse Employment Matters to the Military Spouse Community

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Military Spouse Employment Matters to the Military Spouse Community

Yes, Military Spouse Employment is Important

The beauty of 2023 is that remote work is a lot easier to come by than it used to be. Many companies that had never considered having remote workers in the past were forced to do so in 2020 and have chosen to stick with remote work for the long term, at least on some level. Remote work is a huge plus for military spouse employment.

I work from home and while I had been doing this before 2020 hit, I am glad to see so many others being able to figure out how to do so. Remote work can be great for military spouses, and the flexibility is one reason why. You can be your own boss and go to the entrepreneur route, or work for a company from home.

From those early days as a WAHM, I learned that working from home was definitely all about balance. I needed to figure out how to get all my work done and take care of the baby and the house. A lot of lessons were learned along the way.

And THEN my husband joined the military. Was this going to be an adventure? I wasn’t so sure but I was ready for the life change. We found out he was going to be stationed in Germany.

Europe…of all places!

I was SO excited about this new path we were taking, even though I was pretty scared about all the details and what it would take to get there. In the end, it took us about 4.5 months to join him over there. And I had to give up my eBay business.

Now, at the time, I was glad for the break. I didn’t have to worry about filling orders anymore. I could focus on our move and our son. But in the back of my head, I couldn’t help but think about what I was giving up.

This little business, that I had worked so hard on, had to be put up. At least for the time we were overseas. Why? Because of SOFA and what they allowed and didn’t allow family members to do while living in another country. We couldn’t use the APO mailbox for anything business-related.

When a service member is trying to decide to reenlist in the military, a big factor is the health and well-being of their family members. One big part of this is military spouses and their own career paths. We all know that military life means sacrifice.

We know that military life means having to move often, running the household alone at times, and giving up some of what we want to do, even temporarily. But we also know that being able to chase our own dreams is important which is why military spouse employment matters.

According to the Military Spouse Chamber of Commerce, the military spouse unemployment rate was 22% in 2021. That means that out of the 1 million military spouses, 1 in 4 are unemployed. To compare, the national unemployment rate in 2021 was 4.83%.

As you can see, military spouse employment is an important issue. One that many military spouses have been concerned about for a while. Whether you are a military spouse entrepreneur, having to make changes you don’t want to make to go with your service member to their next duty station, or a military spouse trying to find yet another job, hoping and praying you find something that pays more than $11/hr, military spouse employment issues are important to you.

Volunteering

Volunteering is so very important, it really is. And military spouses do volunteer well. But a question we need to ask ourselves is, is the military depending on volunteering vs offering paid positions? Do people think that military spouses are okay with working for free, filling spots that could otherwise be paid because volunteering is the norm?

If you ask any senior spouse, they will probably tell you of a time when they felt like they are expected to lead some type of group or event simply because of who they are married to. We always say the military is the service member’s career, not the military spouse’s. But then, the culture of military life is that some spouses are expected to step up into these leadership roles.

What if the spouse works full-time? What if they have other obligations? What if they just don’t want to fill that role?

Location-Based Issues

Sometimes a military spouse moves to a new place, and they either can’t find a job or their job literally doesn’t exist there. This can be very frustrating and again, the military spouse has to make some hard decisions.

Should they put that part of their life on hold? Should they stay behind? Should they pivot and try to turn this frustration into something else?

What can be done about this? Sometimes it can feel like the only jobs available are retail and that isn’t the solution for every military spouse.

Employers Won’t Hire Military Spouses

A question that seems to come up in some military spouse groups I am in is if you should mention anything about being a military spouse on your resume or in an interview and the answer is always a big NO. Don’t do it. They don’t need to know this information and in many cases, they won’t hire you because of the fact that you are a military spouse.

But the scary reality is, as soon as a possible employer hears that you might not be sticking around longer than 2-3 years, they might just write you off. They don’t even want to take the chance. But this makes finding the right job when you PCS more difficult, even if you are qualified for that position.

What is the solution to the military spouse employment issue?

What if things could change for the better? What if we could get that military spouse employment rate down? What if military spouses could thrive in their careers during military life instead of feeling as if they can’t possibly move forward while their spouse is actively serving?

There are certain things the government can do. There are things the military can do. There are things we can do to get this figured out. To get military spouse employment to a better place.

We can share our stories, and find out what worked for other military spouses.

We can pay attention to upcoming legislation and changes that have to do with military spouse employment, such as the Military Spouse Hiring Act.

We can start asking more and more questions about what the military community can change and what we can do in the future to make things better.

What about you? What has been your experience with Military Spouse Employment? Have you been able to further your career during military life? What has worked and what hasn’t worked for you?

When You Can’t Talk With Your Spouse

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When You Can't Talk With Your Spouse

When You Can’t Talk With Your Spouse

30 days. 30 long days. That was the longest my husband and I have gone without talking during a deployment. No emails. No calls. No Facetime. I knew he was okay. I knew this because “no news is good news” and I just had to believe it.

Although that was the longest we had to go, thank goodness it was not the norm. The norm was every 3-4 days. Thinking about that now seems a little strange but that was our reality at one time.

During deployments and other training, it might not be possible to talk with your spouse.

You might have to go a few days, a few weeks, and in some cases a few months without speaking. This can be frustrating for the spouse at home because we really have no control over this. There can be many different reasons why you can’t speak with your spouse regularly. From them not being allowed to talk to you or having a spouse that isn’t as communicative as he should be.

I have heard people complain that their spouse calls them too much and I can see that too. If you are talking too much it can be hard to live your life.

In my perfect world, my husband would call me every three days and we would talk for one whole hour on a perfect phone connection.

Unfortunately,  that didn’t happen too often.  Sometimes when he called I could barely understand him because the connection is bad. Other times he was only able to talk for five minutes. The feeling I got when I picked up the phone and hear my husband say, “Hey, it’s me” was so wonderful.  Time stops and everything is right again. At least for the moment.

I also try to remember that a deployment is just made up of days. As each day passes we get closer to homecoming. Once homecoming happens, I can talk to him pretty much whenever I want to again. Deployments are just a short period of time we have to go through where we can’t be with each other and communicate like a normal married couple. This won’t last forever.

When I really needed him and couldn’t talk with him, I would get upset. One of the hardest things for me was not being able to have access to him when I really need to talk.

Married couples are supposed to be able to talk to each other on a regular basis. Sometimes deployments make that hard to do.

One thing I did that helped the situation was to write him letters. Even if I didn’t send them. Even if he wasn’t going to read them for a while. I wrote them. I found this so helpful. I was able to tell him about our day, what the boys were doing, and anything that was on my mind.

Because of communication issues during our first deployment, I had to make a lot of decisions by myself. I had to decide what to do about my son and his speech issues. I had to make decisions about childcare and what to do each day with the kids. I got into the habit of making all these decisions myself. I had to. I couldn’t wait for him to make the decisions while he was in Iraq.

That lack of communication hurts. Not being able to get input on something important is difficult. You have to do the best you can. You have to figure out what will work and how you two can work through anything that might come up while he is away.

Do you have trouble communicating during deployments? How do you get through times when you just can’t talk to your loved one?

Hawks Cay Resort Celebrates its 15th Annual Heroes Salute Program

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Hawks Cay Resort, an iconic destination resort in the Florida Keys, is celebrating the 15th annual anniversary of its  Heroes Salute program, honoring active and retired members of the military, fire and rescue, police, first responders, and medical personnel with special programming, packages and discounts available August 1 through December 25. This year’s program will be bigger and better than ever before with military veteran Craig Morgan performing at a special Key to Country concert during the Labor Day Weekend tribute event.  

Annually, the Heroes Salute program offers qualified heroes the best rates of the year from August 1 through December 25. Guests who book with the Heroes Salute package will also receive discounts on resort amenities, including spa treatments at Calm Waters Spa, in-water Dolphin Connection experiences, group snorkeling at Solé Watersports, fishing charters from Hawks Cay Marina and many more. Heroes Salute rate starts at $169 and can be booked at  hawkscayheroes.com.   

“Heroes Salute has really grown into something special over the last 15 years. What started as just a small tribute event one weekend has turned into our most popular and rewarding program of the year,” said Bob Moore, acting general manager at Hawks Cay Resort. “Every fall, Hawks Cay becomes a sanctuary for our heroes to unwind and enjoy some rest and relaxation with their loved ones. Showing the heroes community our appreciation is the most important thing we do here. It means a lot to everyone in the Hawks Cay community.” 

To celebrate the launch of the seasonal program, Hawks Cay is hosting Heroes Salute Weekend September 1-3 with celebrations including fun-filled, patriotic festivities, including a hero tribute ceremony, 5K run, touch-a-truck event, live music, fireworks, games, contests and more. To commemorate the milestone anniversary, the resort will also host its popular Keys to Country concert series with a special performance by internationally acclaimed country music singer and military veteran Craig Morgan, who will take to the oceanside stage on Sunday, September 3. Weekend events can be found at floridakeysheroes.com, and guests interested in adding the concert to their reservation should use promo code HEROKC. 

Recognizing those who support our heroes, civilians interested in honoring our service members and first responders can book the Heroes Supporters package from August 1 through December 25 to receive a 15 percent discount on accommodations when a donation $5 or more is made to the Firehouse Subs Public Safety Foundation. 

Learn more about Hawks Cay’s Heroes Salute program by visiting www.hawkscayheroes.com or hawkscay.com.  

About Hawks Cay Resort 

A recipient of the prestigious AAA Four Diamond Award and a member of the Preferred Hotel Group Lifestyle Collection, Hawks Cay Resort is located on Duck Key in the Middle Florida Keys. Situated roughly halfway between Key Largo and Key West at mile marker 61, this 60-acre, tropical destination is easily accessible by car, boat or plane yet feels worlds away from everyday life. Alongside the aquamarine water of the Atlantic Ocean, guests enjoy offshore, flats and backcountry fishing; diving; kayaking and standup paddle-boarding programs; Cliff Drysdale tennis program, and the only resort-based Dolphin Connection program with complimentary daily viewings in the continental U.S. The resort boasts 177 guestrooms and 250 two- and three-bedroom villas, a full-service marina, six restaurants, saltwater lagoon, six swimming pools, kid and teen clubs and the award-winning Calm Waters Spa. For more information, please visit www.hawkscay.com.   

What Memorial Day is All About

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What Memorial Day is All About

What Memorial Day is All About

 

Memorial Day
Photo credit: US Department of Defense

“A hero is someone who has given his of her life to something bigger than oneself.” — Joseph Campbell 

Memorial Day
Photo credit: US Department of Defense

“These fallen heroes represent the character of a nation who has a long history of patriotism and honor – and a nation who has fought many battles to keep our country free from threats of terror.” — Michael N. Castle 

Memorial Day

Photo credit: US Department of Defense

“The willingness of America’s veterans to sacrifice for our country has earned them our lasting gratitude.” — Jeff Miller

Memorial Day
Photo credit: US Department of Defense

“Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty.” — John F. Kennedy

Memorial Day

Photo credit: US Department of Defense

“Each of the patriots whom we remember on this day was first a beloved son or daughter, a brother or sister, or a spouse, friend, and neighbor.” — George H. W. Bush

Memorial Day

Photo credit: US Department of Defense

“It was the transcendent fortitude and steadfastness of these men who in adversity and in suffering through the darkest hour of our history held faithful to an ideal. Here men endured that a nation might live.” — Herbert Hoover

Memorial Day

Photo credit: US Department of Defense

“Our nation owes a debt to its fallen heroes that we can never fully repay, but we can honor their sacrifice.” — Barack Obama

Memorial Day
Photo credit: US Department of Defense

“Our debt to the heroic men and valiant women in the service of our country can never be repaid. They have earned our undying gratitude. America will never forget their sacrifices.” — Harry S. Truman

Memorial Day
 

“Looking across this field, we see the scale of heroism and sacrifice. All who are buried here understood their duty. All stood to protect America. And all carried with them memories of a family that they hoped to keep safe by their sacrifice.” — George W. Bush

 
May we always remember those who have given up everything in order for the rest of us to stay free…

Use a Military Discount at These 3 Amusement Parks this Summer

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Knott's Berry Farm

It’s summer! Time for family vacations and keeping kids busy while they are out of school. What better way to do so than taking them to an amusement park? You should already know about the Disney military discount but we don’t all have the ability or the budget to plan a big Disney trip, even with their fantastic discount.

Well, you don’t have to travel to Disney to find a good military discount on an amusement park. Here are three other amusement parks within the United States that you can use a military discount at.

Dollywood Military Discount

Dollywood is Dolly Parton’s amusement park in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, in the Great Smoky Mountains. The theme park is a four-hour car ride from Fort Campbell, and close to other military installations in the south. Dollywood started in the 1960s as Rebel Railroad, becoming Goldrush Junction, then Silver Dollar City until 1986 when Dolly Parton bought into the park and Dollywood was born.

Dollywood offers special military tickets to US active duty military, retired military, veterans, reservists, their spouses, and dependents. They offer a military discount on 1-Day, 2-Day, and 3-Day tickets as well as on season passes. You can buy your tickets here.

Knott’s Berry Farm Discount

I grew up going to Knott’s Berry Farm so this amusement park will always have a special place in my heart. Located in Buena Park, California, a few miles from Disneyland, this park has fun for all ages.

Knott’s began in the 1920s when the Knott family sold their berries, pies, and preserves at a roadside stand. Ghost Town was created in 1940, and a summer-long county fair was opened in the 1950s. The first ride, the Log Ride, my personal favorite, was opened in 1969. By the time I was a small child in the 1980s, Knott’s was a full-functioning amusement park. Knott’s is now owned by Cedar Fair and offers a military discount on tickets. You can buy your tickets here.

Knott’s Berry Farm also has Military Tribute Days in November and December. This is when active duty military, retired military, and veterans can receive a more discounted rate for them and up to five guests. Last year the tickets were only $20, what a deal!

Holiday World Military Discount

Holiday World and Splashin’ Safari are an amusement park and water park in Santa Claus, Indiana. Holiday World is full of family fun with the park divided up into four holiday sections, Christmas of course, Halloween, 4th of July, and Thanksgiving. You can also stay at the Santa Lodge, which we did on a family trip a few years ago, with its giant Santa statute.

Santa Claus Land opened in 1946, soon after World War Two ended. At first, the park just had a Santa, a toy shop, toy displays, as well a place to eat, and children’s rides. In the 1970s, the park changed locations and focused more on families instead of just children. In 1984, the name was changed to Holiday World to include more holidays than just Christmas.

The Holiday World military discount is $34 off a one-day admission. They also offer a couple of military season passes. You can buy your tickets here.

While these are just three examples of amusement parks with military discounts, there are many others around the country. From Sea World to Six Flags. Before planning a family trip, make sure to do your research to see where you can save some money. Even $10 off a ticket can make for some great savings when buying tickets for your whole family. You can also find military discounts at zoos, museums, and other family-friendly locations.

Where is your favorite place to find a military discount?

18 Inspiring Quotes To Help You Get Through a Deployment

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I get commissions for purchases made through some of the links in this post.

Over the years military life has changed. From the way you PCS to how TRICARE works. But one thing that always seems to be true is that service members will get deployed.

While things are different than they were back when my husband re-joined the military in 2005, military spouses are still saying goodbye to their loved ones for deployments, and other times apart. Military spouses are still having to live without their partner for months at a time. Military spouses are still having to figure out how to get through deployments.

Sometimes, hearing a good quote or truth about military life can be just what you need to get through a difficult deployment day.

Here are 18 quotes that can do just that. I hope that they help you get through the next day, next week, or even month of your deployment. I hope that you can remember them during your more difficult days, and be inspired.

Deployments are not easy, and we could use all the help we military spouses can get to get through them.

The end of a deployment is a good time to try something new. A new hobby, a new habit, or a new way of doing something. Mix it up a bit, that will help the time go by a bit faster.

Sometimes you have to take your current struggle one day at a time. Other times you have to take it an hour at a time.

The best types of friends are those who let you vent about deployments, bring you boxes when you PCS, and help you laugh about life as a military spouse.

You will find that the first and last month of the deployment are the hardest. Do what you can to make it through the deployment days and homecoming will be your reward.

Whenever I feel like I can’t accomplish something, I think about how I solo parented three children, for nine months, and only lost my mind, 55.5 times.

Military spouses are strong not because we are made of something else. We are strong because we have to be. Because history wanted us to fill this role and we decided we could do it.

We wait, we love, we hope, we pray…until they are back in our arms again.

Take your deployment one week at a time…one day at a time…one hour at a time.

You might go a few weeks feeling like you got this and then hit a period of time when you feel like you can’t. The important thing is to “just keep swimming.”

Don’t base the status of your life on a bad deployment day. Those days come and then they go. They do not last forever!

When time stands still, think of something to focus on. Go for a walk, dive into a book, or call a friend. You got this!!!

Use a deployment for a time to explore. Get out and do something you and your kids have never done before. Don’t be afraid to make memories. Don’t be afraid to have fun just because one parent is away.

Solo parenting got you down? Pick your cure: 1) A tub of ice cream, 2) a glass of wine, 3) a binge-worthy Netflix show, 4) all of the thee above x 2.

Not all military children handle a deployment in the same way. You know your child, do what is best for them.

The pre-deployment period is going to be stressful…make time for one another, be understanding, and try not to worry too much about the future.

Roses are red, violets are blue, deployments suck, that much is true.

Don’t ever think you have to be the “perfect” military spouse. Be you. Life is easier that way.

If you have just started a deployment and feel a bit lost, remember you are not the only one going through this. So many other military spouses have done the same.

What helps you the most when you are going through a deployment?