Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Julie

There is No Minimum Amount of Time to Miss Your Spouse

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There is No Minimum Amount of Time to Miss Your Spouse

The longest deployment my husband went through was 15 months. The shortest was 5.5 months. And then we had a few in-between.

The 15-month deployment was long, and we lost a lot of men. That part of the deployment was so hard to deal with, and I am thankful that wasn’t quite the case in any of the deployments that followed that one.

I was so thankful to hear when the Army went down to 9 months for most deployments. I know that some do deploy for longer, but to hear that the 12 months (or longer) wasn’t the standard anymore was a relief.

I do know some spouses prefer a longer deployment vs a bunch of shorter ones. They can get into deployment mode and ride it out verses always going back and forth between their spouse at home and then being gone again. Spouses of special forces service members might have their spouse coming and going all year long, that is just the way their job works.

Within the military as a whole, there are many different deployment patterns, where some branches have longer deployments than others. Some service members also deploy more than others. There isn’t just one standard amount of time a military member will deploy.

If my husband does have to deploy, I would prefer he go for a shorter amount of time. Longer deployments can affect you in ways shorter deployments might not. And deploying over a year brings up other challenges.

But…

That doesn’t mean that shorter deployments are easy, or that there is a minimum amount of time your spouse has to be gone before you are allowed to miss them.

That doesn’t mean that there is a minimum amount of time your spouse has to be gone before you are allowed to be sad about them being away from you.

That doesn’t mean that there is a minimum amount of time for your spouse to be deployed before you are allowed to ask for help or to find support.

The truth is, deployments affect us all in different ways. One military spouse might be having a difficult time with the idea that her spouse is in a war zone, while another might be struggling with solo parenting or the loneliness that comes with being the only person in the home.

The truth is, a three-month deployment for one person could be just as difficult as a six-month deployment to someone else. How a military spouse views and even handles a deployment depends on so many factors.

There is no minimum amount of time to miss your spouse. You just do.

Whether they are gone for a two-week training over AT while in the National Guard, or an extended 15-month deployment while active duty.

Whether they are gone for a three-month school in the Air Force, or a six-month deployment to Africa with the Army.

Whether you are apart for a year while you PCS back to the US early, or you are apart for six weeks waiting to PCS to Germany to join your spouse, literally just waiting on paperwork.

We need to remember this when talking with other spouses. We need to remember what it was like when our spouse first left for basic, or when they left for their first deployment. We have all been through it and we can help each other out.

If you are currently going through a year-long deployment and hear a spouse complain about a three-month deployment, of course, you are going to want to say something. You might wonder why they think it is so hard when you have so much longer to go then they do. But the truth is, a deployment is a deployment and while a three-month deployment may look easy to someone going through a year-long deployment, the deployment is anything but easy.

So even though it can be hard to do sometimes, trust me, I have been there, we should try to put ourselves in other military spouse’s shoes. None of this is easy, and we all might need a little help every now and then. Try to remember what it was like the very first time you had to say goodbye to your spouse and send them overseas.

Compassion goes a long way in our military community. Being aware that others might be struggling is important. Do what you can to help other spouses instead of playing the “who has it worse” game. Our community will be stronger for it.

If you are currently going through a deployment and struggling a bit, you have come to the right place. Check out my blog posts on deployments, or any other part of military life. You can also join my Facebook group or connect with me on social media. You are not alone and you got this!

Now I Can See! 4 Military Discounts on Eyeglasses You Don’t Want to Miss

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Now I Can See! 4 Military Discounts on Eyeglasses You Don't Want to Miss

My eyes are not perfect, in fact, I have needed glasses or contacts since I was 17 years old. These days, I am very much 100% into my glasses, having given up on contacts a few years ago. When you wear glasses, you have to buy glasses, and as you know, TRICARE doesn’t cover the cost of glasses.

Did you know that Benjamin Franklin invented bifocals back in the 1700s? He divided his lenses so that he could see both near and far with one pair of glasses. Thank you Mr. Franklin as I received my first pair of progressive lenses earlier this year. With progressive lenses, you can’t see a line in between, which is nice. I was having trouble reading with my glasses on, and thank goodness this technology exists.

And the thing about glasses is that they can be pretty expensive. If you have ever tried to pick out a pair after an eye appointment, the prices can be a little hard to stomach. But we have choices!

There are quite a few glasses companies online and quite a few of them offer a military discount. With these companies, you do need to have your prescription which you enter into a form, pick out the frames you want, and place your order.

Here are four military discounts on glasses that you don’t want to miss:

Zenni Optical

Zenni Optical is my personal favorite and I have been ordering from them for years. They offer a 10% military discount and ordering glasses is a pretty easy process. They offer a lot of options to find exactly what you want. Zenni was founded back in 2003 and used to be called, 19dollareyeglasses.com. You can find eyeglasses and sunglasses at Zenni Optical.

GlassesUSA

GlassesUSA is another online glasses retailer. They offer a $10 super coupons to members of the military. You can use this coupon with other promotions to offer additional savings. They were founded in 2009 and offer glasses, sunglasses, and contacts.

Glasses.com

Glasses.com has a sweet military discount of 60% off lenses as well as free shipping. They have brands such as Ray-Ban, Oakley, Versace, and Coach. They sell eyeglasses and sunglasses.

Sunglasses Hut

The Sunglasses Hut offers members of the military and military spouses 15% off members of the military and their spouses. Not only can you get regular sunglasses at the Sunglasses Hut, but you can also get prescription sunglasses. The Sunglasses Hut first opened in 1971 in a mall in Miami.

Not in the market for glasses? There are plenty of other types of retailers that offer military discounts to members of the military, veterans, and military spouses. Companies such as Old Navy, Lowe’s and Michaels offer 10-15% off on purchases.

If you are interested in having your own military discount added to this list of military discounts on eyeglasses, please contact me here for more information.

Saying That Goodbye, As they Head Off to War

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It’s time to say goodbye.

I don’t want to. I really don’t want to.

I want him to stay here forever. Stay with me forever. But that’s not how military life works.

It’s time to say goodbye and I need to be strong. For him. For my kids.

We drive up to the gate. That horrible gate. The one he will walk through after we say our goodbyes.

My tears start to flow, but still, I try to hold them back. He hugs me as he gets out of the car. This is it. This is really happening.

I have been here before. I have done this before. This isn’t new.

And yet, it feels new. It feels just like it did the first time he had to go so many years ago.

He grabs his bag, I grab my boys. We don’t want to draw this out.

He puts his bag where it needs to go and comes back to us. We can stay. We can wait until it is time for him to go. But we decide not to.

We say goodbye then. Knowing the extra hour or two might just drag this out. We say goodbye and then we let go.

I give him that last hug and that last kiss and that last goodbye. He hugs and kisses the boys. And kisses me one last time.

And I tell him what I always tell him, “come back to me,” and he says what he always says, “I will, I always will.”

And so I grab the boys and we get in the car. We have said goodbye. We have kissed and hugged that one last time.

And I leave him there, this man I love so much. The one I married and wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Unsure about what the next few months would bring.

As I get the boys in the car, I tell them that we got this and we are going to have an adventure when their dad is gone.

That we will make this time apart fun for them and that the days might be hard at times, we will get through it. I am not sure if they totally understand what I am saying. They are so young but I tell them it will all be okay because I feel like they need to hear it. I feel like I need to say it.

And so we head back home, me trying to keep it together. It’s day 1. The first day of deployment.

It’s day one and the countdown can begin. It’s day one and I know the day will be hard.

And as time moves on, as it always does, I look back on that day and how hard it was to say goodbye.

Saying goodbye to the man I love, as he heads off to war. Saying goodbye as he heads off to a dangerous place. Saying goodbye as we start this next deployment.

And even through the goodbyes are so hard, time passes and we get through the deployment. Homecoming comes, and we see him again. A little stronger than we were before.

We know there could be more deployments in the future, we know that we will have to say goodbye again. But as military spouses, we know we can get through what military life brings us, one day at a time.

19 Solo Parenting Hacks to Use the Next Time Your Spouse Deploys

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19 Solo Parenting Hacks to Use the Next Time Your Spouse Deploys

19 Solo Parenting Hacks to Use the Next Time Your Spouse Deploys

Solo parenting is the pits. Being the only adult in charge can be challenging. Luckily, there are ways to make solo parenting a little bit easier. Here are some solo parenting hacks to use the next time your spouse deploys, or even just goes away for any amount of time.

1. Meal prep

Planning out your meals is always a good idea. Then, when dinnertime comes around, you won’t be struggling with what to make. This will also save you money each week too.

2. Use your village

If you have your people, use them when you need to. Find friends you can depend on and be there for them too. Working together with others will help you during this period of your life.

3. Get ready the night before

If you have a busy morning, get ready the night before. This means packing lunches, laying out clothes, and anything you would normally have to do in the morning. That way, once you get up, you know what you need to do to get out of the house on time.

4. Follow a schedule

Even if you don’t normally stick to a strict schedule, having some kind of daily routine can be a good idea. It helps keep things movings and will help your kids know what is going on.

5. Stay consistent in your discipline

This is the hardest things to do. When you have to fill the roles of both mom and dad, burnout can happen quickly. Try hard to be consistent in your discipline as much as you can.

6. Use online grocery shopping

Order online. Go pick up. Save yourself the task of taking all your kids into the grocery store once a week.

19 Solo Parenting Hacks to Use the Next Time Your Spouse Deploys

7. Trade babysitting with a friend

If you don’t have the extra money to hire a babysitter, or just don’t feel comfortable with doing so, trade babysitting with a friend. This can help both of you out, and you can get things done without having to take your kids with you everywhere.

8. Put kids to bed early

Put your kids to bed early. This will give you more time for yourself and makes the evening hours go by a lot faster. You can do dinner, get them ready for bed, and then have at least an hour or two to clean up or relax.

9. Use paper products sometimes

Sometimes it is okay to take a break from all the dishes and use paper plates. This doesn’t mean you will do this forever, just to get a bit of a break. If the dishes are driving you nuts, use this tip to scale back on what you have to do.

10. Sleep where people need to sleep

If your kids sleep better with you, and you don’t mind, let them sleep there. Fighting sleep during a deployment is the worst. The truth is, when your spouse gets back, you can work on better sleeping arrangements if need be. You and your kids need your rest.

11. Make easy foods

You don’t have to make a big meal every day. Find easy meals to make for you and your kids. Sandwiches and cereal nights can help on busier days. Figure out what meals your kids love and rotate through those instead of always trying to come up with something new.

 

12. Do something fun every day

Plan to do something fun every day. You could just go to the park, the library, or a visit to Chick-Fil-A for their indoor playground. Getting out and doing something everyday will break up the boredom and make the days go by a lot faster.

13. Invite family to come visit and offer a lending hand

If you are close with your family, invite them to stay with you. They can offer a helping hand. They can also see where you live and explore your current city.

19 Solo Parenting Hacks to Use the Next Time Your Spouse Deploys

14. Don’t sweat the small stuff

Deployments mean a lot of stress. Try not to sweat the small stuff. Especially when it comes to the kids.

15. Plan for me time

Make sure to plan for “me” time. See if you your kids can go to CYS, stay with a friend, or even a family member. Take bubble baths, read books, and don’t forget about yourself.

16. Don’t beat yourself up

Don’t beat yourself up for what you can’t seem to do this deployment. If you start to feel guilty about what you can’t do, you will become overwhelmed with everything. Figure out what is most important and try not to stress about the rest.

17. Take lots of photos

Your spouse will want to see what you are doing when you are gone. Take lots of photos. Then share with your deployed spouse. They will be glad that you did.

18. Give your kids chores

If your kids are old enough, give them chores. Even having your kids help a bit with the dishes and the laundry can take stress off of you. Figure out a good plan for chores for your kids.

19. Make lots of plans with friends

Plan playdates as often as you can. Your kids can play and you can chat with other adults. If you are still looking for friends, get out there and start meeting people. Join a MOPS group or a YMCA playgroup. There should be something going on in your community that you can take your kids to where you can meet other people.

Remember too; solo parenting is a temporary season of your life. While you will have to do it again at some point with a spouse in the military, you won’t always have to do it alone.

What solo parenting hacks have helped you over the years?

No, Your Military Man Doesn’t Need Money For Food

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No, Your Military Man Doesn't Need Money For Food

As a military spouse blogger, I get emails or messages from military girlfriends that are a little concerned about the military service member they are dating. There is something about the relationship that doesn’t sit right with them. Their gut is telling them something, and something just doesn’t feel 100% right.

The situation is usually that a woman has met someone online. This by itself isn’t strange in this day and age. A lot of people meet online, and many happy and successful marriages and relationships result from doing so, both in and out of the military.

But in this case, after meeting online, the woman is sent photos of a service member. She is led to believe she is now talking with or dating a member of the US military. They might have a name, backstory, and a history of military service.

Then, at some point, the service member asks her for money.

This is where things get tricky…

He might say the money is for food, or to take leave. There are many different reasons they might give. The problem with this is that someone who serves in the US military doesn’t need food for money or to take leave. This is provided for them.

No, Your Military Man Doesn't Need Money For Food

When my husband was deployed, he might have needed money for things like the internet, fun items, etc. But never for regular meals. The military provides those. The military paid for and sent him home on leave, I didn’t have to send anyone money to do so.

The scam works in different ways, but these “service members” want you, the unsuspecting girlfriend to send them money, or to even send money to a service. The amount they are asking for blows me away. It’s not just $10 here or there but into the hundreds or thousands.

If a woman gives into this scam, not only will she be out the money but also heartbroken over finding out that what they felt was a real relationship, really wasn’t.

Like I said before, there are honest and real service members out there, and some amazing relationships that have started from online dating. But there are also scammers and people who will lie and fake their way into getting what they want.

The online world is amazing but can allow people to take advantage of others. Learn how to protect yourself and stay away from the scammers!

  • If something seems off, it probably is. Trust your gut.
  • Don’t give money to anyone you don’t 100% trust. Especially if they keep asking. Especially if they are asking for thousands of dollars.
  • Remember, they don’t need money for food. They don’t need money to be sent home from a deployment. They don’t need money for a vaccine. They don’t need money to ship their belongings home.
  • A deployment doesn’t last years and years. If the person you are talking to is active duty, they should have a duty station, and then deploy different places. They would not be deployed for years and years, to anywhere. It just doesn’t work like that.
  • A commanding officer would never demand that they pay anything. They also will not talk with you about sending money.
  • If they refuse to video chat, even after you have been dating for a while, that can be a huge red flag. Even if they do talk to you on the phone.

The truth is these types of scammers try really hard to convince you that they are who they say they are. They steal photos of real service members. They try to use the right type of military lingo. But in the end, something is really off. Remember, if it seems sketchy, it probably is. Protect yourself and your money.

13 Memes About Military Spouse Friendship

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13 Memes About Military Spouse Friendship

13 Memes About Military Spouse Friendship

There is something about a military spouse friendship. We can be there for one another through all of our military challenges. From deployments to pcsing, friends will make this life easier.

Sometimes finding friends can take a long time, sometimes it happens right away. Here are some memes all about military spouse friendship. Enjoy!

Military friendships

I don’t like to say goodbye, I like to say see you later. It’s an easier thing to say. 

Military friendships

I love how we can meet and connect with others from all over the world during our time as a military spouse! 

Military friendships

One thing is clear, you will always have your memories.
Even if you don’t see your friends for a while, you always have the moments you spent together. 

Military friendships

Our friends will probably be from all over but that’s the best part. We can learn from one another’s experiences and share our own. 

Military friendships

Yes! We always need people we can be free to vent to about the deployment. We know we would do the same for them. 

Military friendships

Sometimes when you or your friend move, you will never live near each other again. But good friends, you stay together, even if you are no longer in the same time zone. 

Military friendships

Finding a good friend can change everything!

Military friendships

#4, calling a good friend can be a great thing to do during a bad deployment day!

Military friendships

That would be the best! Your spent 2008-2011 together in Italy and now you will spend 2017-2019 together in California. Thank you Military!

Military friendships

Keep putting yourself out there. You will eventually meet some good people to connect with. 

Military friendships

Being kind is a must. It makes you a good friend. 

Military friendships

This couldn’t be truer; friends are lucky to have. 

Military friendships

Sometimes it is hard to put yourself out there. Keep doing so. You never know who you might meet.

Here are some posts on friendship as a military spouse…

 What To Do When You Can’t Make Friends At Your New Duty Station!

10 Of The Best Places To Make Friends When You Are A Military Spouse

Finding Your Military Spouse Tribe

17 Quotes For This Fourth Of July

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17 Quotes For This Fourth Of July

It’s the 4th of July! A time to celebrate America’s freedom. A time for family and friends and BBQs and fireworks. This mid-summer celebration of our country’s birthday also can have a lot of emotion to it.

During the 4th of July, we think about our freedoms, where our country has been, and what to look towards in the future.

17 Quotes For This Fourth Of July

Here are 17 quotes all about the 4th of July and freedom:

“Great difficulties may be surmounted by patience and perseverance.”- Abigail Adams

“With freedom, books, flowers, and the moon, who could not be happy?” – Oscar Wilde

“Where liberty dwells, there is my country.” – Benjamin Franklin

“Freedom is not won on the battlefields. The chance for freedom is won there. The final battle is won or lost in our hearts and minds.” –Helen Gahagan Douglas

17 Quotes For This Fourth Of July

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams”- Eleanor Roosevelt

“Then join hand in hand, brave Americans all! By uniting we stand, by dividing we fall.” – John Dickinson

“Freedom is the open window through which pours the sunlight of the human spirit and human dignity.” – Herbert Hoover

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” – Declaration of Independence

17 Quotes For This Fourth Of July

“Our glorious diversity — our diversities of faiths and colors and creeds — that is not a threat to who we are, it makes us who we are,” –Michelle Obama

“This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave.”- Elmer Davis

“And I’m proud to be an American, where at least I know I’m free. And I won’t forget the men who died, who gave that right to me.” – Lee Greenwood

“Freedom has its life in the hearts, the actions, the spirit of men and so it must be daily earned and refreshed — else like a flower cut from its life-giving roots, it will wither and die.” – Dwight D. Eisenhower

17 Quotes For This Fourth Of July

“In the truest sense, freedom cannot be bestowed; it must be achieved.”– Franklin D. Roosevelt

“This, then, is the state of the union: free and restless, growing and full of hope. So it was in the beginning. So it shall always be, while God is willing, and we are strong enough to keep the faith.” – Lyndon B. Johnson

“Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.” – Abraham Lincoln

“America was not built on fear. America was built on courage, on imagination and an unbeatable determination to do the job at hand.”- Harry S. Truman

“It is the love of country that has lighted and that keeps glowing the holy fire of patriotism.” – J. Horace McFarland

Great News! EFMP Will Be Standardized Across All Military Branches

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Great News! EFMP Will Be Standardized Across All Military Branches

Have you heard of EFMP? EFMP stands for the Exceptional Family Member Program. This program is an enrollment program that works with different agencies, both military and civilian, to make sure that military families with special needs can receive the support they need at their duty stations. EFMP is the reason you may or may not be able to be stationed in certain locations.

Active duty service members are required to register for EFMP as well as making sure their status stays updated. This is to make sure family members are able to receive the right housing, education, medical care, and personnel services that they need.

Being stationed in a place where you couldn’t receive much-needed therapy can be a problem. While this does sometimes complicate issues when it comes to where a service member needs to go for their career vs where a family can go to get services, EFMP can be a good thing to make sure family members get exactly what they need.

Up until recently, each service branch had its own regulations and guidelines when it comes to EFMP. However, the DoD has made some changes to standardize the EFMP program. This is much needed and should have been done a long time ago.

Who qualifies for EFMP?

Military families who have any emotional, developmental, physical, or intellectual needs that require any special treatments, therapies, education, counseling, or training qualify and need to sign up for EFMP. If you are on OCONUS orders, you will need to go through EFMP screaming. My son and I had to do this before we did a PCS to Germany. At the time we didn’t have any diagnosed special needs and weren’t aware of any, so our doctor filled out a form saying so.

What will the changes in EFMP look like?

According to Gilbert R. Cisneros Jr., Under Secretary of Defense for Personnel and Readiness, “Service members can’t focus on the mission when they have concerns about a family member’s health or education needs. Enrollment in EFMP provides families access to critical services and support, no matter their service branch or location. We will continue our work to enhance EFMP to better serve our military families.”

The DoD Office of Special Needs is enhancing the Exceptional Family Member Program to help improve the experiences of military families in every branch in the following ways:

  • Medical services will coordinate the documentation of the special needs and the family’s enrollment in the EFMP. Identification and enrollment will be standardized.
  • Each branch will use the same criteria when it comes to the assignment process. You will also be told what the reason is if you are declined a location.
  • Family members will be able to connect with resources that can help. EFMP Family Support providers will help with this.
  • There will be guidance and transparency when it comes to disenrollment. The disenrollment process will be standardized.
  • There will be revisions when it comes to respite care, such as a consistent number of hours across the services and covering adult dependents who are eligible for respite care.

You can read more about this on the DoD Press Release page.

Hopefully, these changes will help improve things for EFMP families. Not being able to find the care that you need when you or a family have special needs can be frustrating, especially when trying to balance that with the military lifestyle.