Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Julie

To My Children Born After 9/11

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To My Children Born After 9/11

To My Children Born After 9/11

What we can tell our children about that day, the ones that don’t remember the world before everything changed. The ones for whom the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are the norm. The ones for whom terrorism has always been a known threat.

When I was in 1st grade, the Challenger exploded on live TV. I will remember that forever. When my parents were just becoming adults, Kennedy was shot. And so many young adults today might just remember their parents glued to the TV in September of 2001.

When you are a child, and a tragedy happens, you are usually aware that something is going on out of the norm. You might not even remember all the details of that day, but the event sticks with you. You rely on older generations to let you know what happened and what the tragedy meant.

As far as 9/11 is concerned, this is something that happened before my children were born. To them September 11th wasn’t something they lived through, it was something they were told about. 9/11 is something they can look up in their history books and listen to stories from those who were there.

These children, these teenagers, these kids, they don’t know the world in which something like 9/11 didn’t even seem possible. On September 10, 2001, so many of us went to bed expecting the next day to be a typical September day. 9/11 was the phone number you called when you had an emergency; it wasn’t an emergency on its own.

For those in the military, 9/11 changed the directions of their careers. I can’t imagine what my military spouse life would have looked like had 9/11 never happened. If service members had never gone to Iraq or Afghanistan. If there had never been a surge or deployment extensions.

The wars my husband has been in have changed him, changed us, and changed our whole lives. I tried to explain this to my boys. That their Dad, he is a big part of what happened after 9/11. That if that day hadn’t happened, their lives would look very different.

I explained to them that the way to board an aircraft is different. When I was in college, my parents would wait for me at the gate when I flew home for visits. This is such a small change, but I can’t help remembering how things used to be. From having to take your shoes off to being careful about which liquids you bring, flying will never be the same again.

To My Children Born After 9/11

But for my kids? This is the way things are. This is the way they have always been for them. They don’t remember a time before all of this.

So when I talk to my children about 9/11, I want them to know that something we didn’t think would happen did. That we realized the horror that others could commit. That we had to make plans as a country to work towards keeping everyone safe and making sure what happened in New York City, never happened again.

I hope that I can take my boys to NYC someday. I have never been myself, but when we go, I would want them to see the 9/11 memorial. I would want to share more about that day. I want them to learn about the first responders and the heroes that emerged after it happened. I want them to know that history is important and what we learn from the past is what will help us move forward in the future.

How do you talk to your kids that were not yet born when 9/11 happened?

How Military Spouses Can Prep For Online Schooling

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This post is sponsored by MedCerts! 

How Military Spouses Can Prep For Online Schooling

After 20 years I decided to go back to school, but I was nervous about doing so. I decided taking an online class would be the best way to get back into school mode after so much time. A lot had changed technology-wise since I had been in college, but these changes only made schooling online a little bit easier.

Many military spouses choose to go to school online. Even before the pandemic, going to school online gave you a bit more flexibility. If you had little ones, and a spouse who was never home, as we military spouses often do, you would still be able to attend class and work on a degree. Going to school online gives you more options.

In order to go to school online, you will need to prep a bit before you get going on your school year.

1) Make sure you have a good space to get your work done. A desk or a table works best. You want to be in the best environment for learning and studying.

2) Make sure you have the right supplies. A dependable computer is a must, but also, make sure to have notebooks, pens and pencils, and anything else you might need before classes start. 

3) Talk with your family about expectations. They will need to understand you will need the time to study and get your work done. Having everyone on board is a must. 

If you are currently wondering how to go back to school as a military spouse, MedCerts is a great option! 

  • MedCerts has been helping military spouses create new career opportunities for over 10 years. They have trained and up-skilled more than 30,000 individuals across the country and partnered with over 1,000 organizations to build talent pipelines.
  • Their programs are completely online which means you can access them from anywhere you might PCS, from Georgia to Germany. You will have 24-hour online access to all course materials and videos. 
  • Most of their programs only take between 4-6 months to complete, which allows you more flexibility to learn online. 
  • MedCerts focuses on certifications in high-demand areas of Allied Healthcare and IT. You can find programs in the healthcare and medical, professional development, and information technology fields. You can find online healthcare, online professional development, and IT certificates. 
  • Most of MedCerts programs can be paid for with MyCAA, which means no money out of pocket. MyCAA is a grant offering $4,000 to military spouses pursuing a certification in a high-demand, portable career. 
  • MedCerts is a top military spouse-friendly school. It was designed by Victory Media, which is the publisher of Military Spouse Magazine. 
  • Who is eligible? Military spouses who are married to active duty members of the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps, or National Guard are eligible. They would need to be in the pay grades of either E1-E5, W1-W2, or O1-O2. For National Guard, and/or AGR members, the sponsor must be on federal Title 10 active duty orders. 
  • Your course materials and exam prep is included, and you can find live one-on-one mentoring support to help you through anything you might have questions about. 
  • When you finish a course you will receive a certificate of completion and a free National certification exam. After certification, they also offer job placement support.

MedCerts can be a good way for military spouses to go back to school online. Qualifying spouses can do so for free, and be able to work on their own careers, even during the crazy of military life. Head on over to MedCerts and sign up to work towards your own goals. 

20 Years of War

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20 years of war

The very last of American troops left Afghanistan yesterday. Just about two weeks before the 20th anniversary of 9/11. 20 years. Why can’t I wrap my mind around that?

20 years is a lifetime for some. 20 years ago, social media wasn’t something we knew anything about. 20 years ago, we had cell phones that made phone calls and that’s about it. 20 years ago, I was a college student, who has just met the love of my life, a veteran who had served in the Army in the 90s.

As the first troops left for Afghanistan, we, the American people had no idea what that would look like. We knew it had to be done. America was attacked. America was in pain. America was grieving.

As those first troops left for Afghanistan, did they know that the babies they left at home would be old enough to fight the same fight, years into the future? Did they know that this was just the beginning of a long time of war? A long time of wishing for peace and not finding it?

My husband has been deployed to Afghanistan twice. I have a video of my young son trying to pronounce where he was. That has been replaying in my brain a lot the last few weeks. Afghanistan, the place the soldiers go. Back then, it was a deployment. It was where he was sent. When the military calls, you go.

As we heard the news last week about the 13 members of the military who were lost in the last days of our time over there, I think back to the past 20 years and all we have lost.

We have lost so many men and women to this fight. So many families will never be together again. So many hurting people.

I wish we could wave a magic wand and never have to deploy any other troops. I wish that another military family would never have to experience that knock or even a call about an injured love one. I wish the terrorism and the hate would go away, and we could live our lives free of all of it.

But I know better. I know that will never be the case. I know that as long as my husband serves in the military, he could be deployed again. To somewhere else.

And America will always have our military. Ready to defend and support. Ready to deploy, to somewhere in the world.

None of us know what the future will bring. Ask the military spouse whose husband joined the military in 2000. They had no idea how things would change for them in the course of just a year or two.

Ask the military spouse who thought she was marrying a civilian. Who is now helping her spouse pack for their first deployment.

Ask the military spouse who assumed she would have her children and raise them down the street from grandma and grandpa, who is now raising them in Japan, or Germany, or in a US city far from home.

When our service member joins the military, or when we marry them, joining them in their military world, we have to understand that they have a sense of duty. And that can be such a hard thing to come to terms with.

They have a duty to go and to serve, or they never would have enlisted in the first place. They have a duty to go, even when we need them back at home. They have a duty to America that sometimes has to come first.

We have to stand by them as they go places we might not think they should go. We have to have their back when they come home and have a hard time processing everything. We are the ones holding everything together as they make their way through the ranks, fighting for our freedom in different types of ways.

After so many years of being a military wife, I can’t imagine what our life would be like without the military in it. The military has formed who we have become as a couple, and as a family. The military has determined what my husband would be around for and what he would miss.

As I watch the children of some of the soldiers I know put on the uniform too, I pray that their time in service is a bit easier. I pray that they will get more breaks to be with family and that the road isn’t so hard. I pray that we have learned from the last 20 years, and know when we are pushing these young men and women too hard.

20 years of war is a heavy thing to come to terms with. 20 years is a long time. Our world has changed so much in that time, for the good and for the bad.

20 years of sending our men and women in uniform.

20 years of wondering if our spouse will be home.

20 years of wondering when they will have to go back again after this deployment is over.

20 years of sending a soldier back overseas after just two weeks at home with his family.

20 years of really hoping that we have done what we could to help stop the spread of terrorism in our world.

20 years of children missing a mom or dad.

20 years of homecomings with welcome home hugs, and kisses, and proposals.

20 years of war.

What will the next 20 years look like?

Oh, Afghanistan…

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Oh, Afghanistan…

I see you. I see you in the news. I am not sure how to feel.

Oh, Afghanistan…

The place my husband has been, where so many men and women have had to go over the years.

Oh, Afghanistan…

A place that has been so much a part of my world for so very long. A place I really don’t know too much about myself.

Oh, Afghanistan…

The deployments, the endless deployments to ensure America’s freedom. The endless deployments, as we military families stay behind and hope and pray. The endless deployments, ones that didn’t bring all of our men and women home.

As I log onto Facebook this morning, I see so many thoughts and opinions about what is going on. People asking for prayers. People asking for understanding. People who are angry.

I feel weird even thinking about how to respond. I feel weird even having an opinion on it all. I wasn’t the one that went there. I wasn’t the one that put on that uniform.

But then I remember. I remember when my husband left for Afghanistan when our baby was two months old. I remember not knowing if he would be back a few months later or in over a year or even if at all.

I remember when he had to go again a few years later. During a time that hit me hard. During a time when I felt at my lowest and needed a husband by my side.

But he wore the uniform. And he went where he was told to go. I couldn’t even get to the point where I could decide if Afghanistan was worth it. He was serving our country. He was doing his part.

I have to leave that to the other people. To those, we vote into office. To the American people who make those votes. To those who have more power over the situation than I will ever have.

As a military spouse, I can’t nitpick a reason why my husband had to go away. I can’t overthink if everything we had to give up to do so was worth the sacrifice. I just can’t and I won’t. My brain won’t let me do that.

As a military spouse, Afghanistan was where my husband had to go. Just like Iraq was where he had to go. They are deployments. They are “downrange” and filled with so much emotion when we say their names.

Oh, Afghanistan…these last 20 years. Have they been in vain? Have they all been for nothing? I sure hope not.

I sure hope that in these last 20 years, good has been done. I sure hope that in these last 20 years, there has truly been a fight for freedom. I sure hope that the time and the money and the sacrifice has been worth it.

I have to believe it. I can’t think that it wasn’t.

As we turn on the news and it seems that everything is falling away, I hope we can remember what was accomplished. I hope we can truly see the good that was done.

There is so much blame. Who is really at fault?

We have questions. So many questions. As I watch some of the children of the men my husband first deployed with put on the uniform too. As I know my own children are just a few years away from being old enough to do the same. I wonder why this has become a multi-generational war?

We have questions. Should we have not pulled out? Should we have stayed longer? Maybe a few more years?

Or maybe we should have left years ago? Maybe there was a better time to do so?

And as we are living in the middle of this pandemic that doesn’t want to end, as we are living with so many other frustrations, is this yet another one we will have to add to our list of things to worry about?

Us military families, what happens in the news can and does hit us hard. Will this hit us hard? Will this mean more deployments? Will this mean longer deployments?

We know in our hearts how much Afghanistan has turned our lives upside down. We know how much pain some of our service members are in because of it. And we worry that what is going on now will cause feelings of defeat or that the military sacrifices don’t matter.

We post 9/11 military families have been through so very much. We have said goodbye way too many times. And at this point, we are wondering what will be next?

Oh, Afghanistan…these are just the words of one military spouse. One who loves and cares. And is trying to make sense out of it all.

Just Another Deployment Night

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It’s another deployment night when the sun fades away, and the lights go on, and we are reminded of the distance.

They have been gone a while, too long really, and yet the days on the calendar don’t want to turn as quickly as we hope they would.

No one is coming home for dinner, no one is going to be there to help with the kids, no one will be there to snuggle with once they go to bed. Those are things that will have to wait. Wait until the deployment is over.

It’s another deployment night, a time to reflect, and figure out what we can do to better ourselves. There are fewer distractions, and time to journal, and to work on our own goals.

As military spouses, we so often have to give up a dream. Or two dreams. Or three.

But a deployment can be a time to figure what chasing our dreams during military life is really going to look like. What we can do vs what we can’t. What will work, and what do we truly want to do.

But even so, even with more time to breathe, we can feel the overwhelm that the deployment brings. We can feel the pressure of having to do all the things, for all the people. The feeling of never being able to have the energy to get our to-do list done.

It’s another deployment night, and as you look at the empty side of the bed, you can’t help but think of all the things you miss about them. Their smile. Their laugh. The way you love to do life with them.

You think about all that will happen when they come home. You worry a bit too, not sure how the transition will go. You two have been living separate lives, and they will be dealing with all the deployment brought.

Still, you think about how once they do get home, you won’t have to miss their smile anymore. They will be laughing alongside you again, and you will get back to making those memories that you hold near and dear.

As the sun goes down on another deployment night, you won’t how many more deployments or separations you might have in the future. You pray you get a big long break between this one and the next. But you know no matter how long they will be home, the time will never be long enough.

You find a new series to watch on Netflix or Hulu, hoping that diving into a new fictional world will make the nights not seem too long. And that works, until it doesn’t. But you keep on trying because you have to stay busy and you have to keep your mind going.

You grab your calendar, trying to find fun things to do. You want to stay busy, but sometimes you just don’t want to have to do anything. Still, you know staying busy is important. Time will go faster that way.

Days pass, nights pass, and you finally find yourself towards the end. 30 days to go…20, now 10. This deployment is almost over. Through all the days apart. Through the long deployment nights. The end is in sight, and all you can think is, wow, I did it. I made it through this deployment.

The deployment part of military life is never easy. Yet deployments come, whether we are ready for them or not. The best thing to do is find ways to get through a deployment, even if that is one day at a time. Take a look at my other deployment blog posts for more ideas and encouragement on getting through a deployment.

5 Ways Military Spouses Can Get Involved In Their Civilian Communities

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When you move to a new duty station you usually have the choice of living on or off-post. Whatever you decide to do, you also have the choice to get involved in your civilian community surrounding your Military duty station.

Military spouses can become involved in their local communities. This allows you to connect more with the area you are living in and won’t feel like your life is always 24/7 Military. Sometimes we need a break from the day to day of military life and there are many ways to do so.

5 Ways Military Spouses Can Get Involved In Their Civilian Communities
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Here are five ways you can get involved and become a part of your civilian community besides just living off-post.

Community events

One of the best ways to get out there and get to know your civilian community is to attend local events. Whether you are stationed overseas or in the US, look for events that are going on. Join Facebook groups for the city, search websites and newspapers for events, and plan to get out there and go to them.

Not only do you get to interact with the civilians in your area but you get to learn a little bit more about their culture. This is a great way to make the best of where you are currently living and enjoying what your local area has to offer. And it’s another way to stay busy!

Go to a civilian church

Every duty station we have lived at has had a good on-post chapel to attend. A lot of people enjoy that but one way to meet others in your community that are not a part of the Military is to attend church off-post.

This can be a great way to get to know those who consider the city you are living in their hometown and can open you up to new experiences you might not otherwise know about. Getting to know people in the community on a regular basis as you do through a church can really expand your experiences at your duty station.

Look for local clubs

Find something you enjoy. Look for book clubs, photography clubs, knitting circles, MOPS, etc. If you find something you enjoy, joining the civilian group can be a great way to meet others and get involved with what is going on in your area.

Joining a new group can allow you to make friends with similar interests and can give you something fun to do in your spare time. You might even want to start your own group if you can’t find what you are looking for. You never know who might want to join.

Have your kids do off-post sports

This might not be an option everywhere and a lot of times it is easier to go just on-post for sports but if you can have your kids connect with teams off-post. This can be the perfect way into your local community.

Here at Fort Campbell, we have a choice and some people do decide to go with the city leagues. Sometimes because they offer something different than on-post and other times because it is a little easier depending on where they live.

In this area, you will find a mix of military and civilians when you play sports off-post. Swim lessons are cheaper when you do them through the city which is a big draw for a lot of military families. They also have a great soccer program and many of the kids love it.

Don’t do all of your shopping at the Commissary

Our main grocery store is the Commissary and we do go to the PX sometimes but when you do get out and shop other places you can learn more about your local area. This is even more true overseas.

We used to go to the local German shops for produce and a few other random things and I think that allowed us to get to know more about what it was like to live in Germany. The Commissary is great overseas because having that allows you to still buy most of your American favorites but getting out and exploring other places will allow you to find new products and to try new foods that you might otherwise never see.

And let’s face it, sometimes the Commissary doesn’t have the lowest prices in town. That is something you will have to figure out and will have to do your own research on.

What do you do to connect with your local civilian community? Do you think it is important to do so?

10 Restaurants You Should Try in the Fort Campbell Area

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Looking for a new restaurant to try in the Fort Campbell area?

Going out to eat can be a lot of fun, especially with the world opening back up after 2020. Trying out new restaurants can be a great way to learn more about your new home. Here in the Fort Campbell area, we have many restaurants to try. Some are closer to post than others.

There are many different types of places to go and visit and explore here on the Kentucky and Tennessee border. From Bar and Grills to bakeries with treats you can’t get enough of. The Fort Campbell area is also growing and seems to be adding new places to try all the time.

Here are a few restaurants in the area that our family has been to and have enjoyed:

10 Restaurants You Should Try in the Fort Campbell Area

Blackhorse Pub and Brewery

Blackhorse is one of my favorites. Unfortunately, they had a fire early this year and are temporality closed. Blackhorse has a big pub feel and is especially cozy during those cold winter days, or nights. I love their prime rib sandwich and hope they will be back open before the end of the year. They are located at 132 Franklin Street in Downtown Clarksville.

10 Restaurants You Should Try in the Fort Campbell Area

Kimo’s Hawaiian Bar and Grill

Unfortunately, Kimo’s has since closed.

Kimo’s serves Hawaiian food and yummy cocktails and is located at 125 Franklin Street in Downtown Clarksville. The kalua pork is amazing and they have plenty of tropical cocktails to try.

El Bracero

El Bracero is a fun place to get together with friends for some quesadillas and margaritas. There are three located in Clarksville, and one in Hopkinsville. They also have a military discount.

Silke’s Old World Breads

Were you stationed in Germany and miss getting those yummy German bakery treats? Well, the Fort Campbell area has a place you can go to get them. Silke’s is a bakery and cafe you are going to want to check out. Order a plate of schnitzel and bratwurst, with a side of German cake for dessert. They are located at 1214 A College St. in Clarksville.

Johnny’s Big Burger

Looking for a local place to get a yummy hamburger and fries? You can find just that at Johnny’s Big Burger, across from the Austin Peay Campus. Make sure to bring cash, and don’t forget to order a shake. You can find them at 428 College Street in Clarksville.

10 Restaurants You Should Try in the Fort Campbell Area

The Depot Bar and Grill

The Depot is a little further away from Fort Campbell, but worth the drive. The food is so delicious, I love the chicken salad sandwich, and the atmosphere is great! We like to stop there on the way to Nashville. Find them at 1007 S Main St. in Springfield, TN.

Golly G’s

Golly G’s is such a fun place to take the kids for ice cream or other baked goods. They also have. a lunch menu. In Clarksville, they are located in the Sango area at 2622 Madison St. You can also find locations in Pleasant View and Greenbrier.

Chi-Town Hotdogs

Unfortunately, Chi-Town Hotdogs has permanently closed!

In the mood for a really yummy hotdog? Check out Chi-Town Hotdogs. So many yummy choices. They do only accept cash and are closed on Sundays and Mondays. Find them behind the Big Lots at 1057 S. Riverside Dr. in Clarksville.

10 Restaurants You Should Try in the Fort Campbell Area

Liberty Park Grill

Want to take in a meal by the river? Check out Liberty Park Grill right at the Clarksville Marina. They make some yummy salads and will give you a free meal on your birthday. After dinner, take a walk along the river and watch the sunset. Perfect for date night!

Woody’s Hand Tossed Pizza

I love going to Woody’s with my family because we rarely have to wait, can get pizza for everyone, and they have some yummy salads too. They have three locations in the area, on Tiny Town Rd, Woodlawn, and Sango areas.

Finding local places to love at a new duty station is so important to do. Doing so will help you feel more connected to the area, and make for a better experience.

Within the Fort Campbell area you can find many of your favorite chain restaurants, but going out and trying a more local place to eat can be a lot of fun, and help you find favorite places you will want to return to over and over again.

The Deployment Ache

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The Deployment Ache

There is something that happens when you are away from your spouse for a period of time. Something that just isn’t there when they are home. It’s an ache. I am not sure how else to describe it. It isn’t just feeling sad. It isn’t just missing someone.

The Deployment Ache

It’s an ache. The deployment ache.

If you have ever been in a long-distance relationship, you know what I am talking about. The ache is the feeling when something isn’t quite right. You could be having a very good day, enjoying everything in front of you, and still feel that deployment ache. The ache doesn’t just go away because you are happy.

The ache is something you can’t control. The ache is there because you are not with the person you love the most. It’s there because something is missing and nothing can take the place of being with that person.

You can ignore that feeling for a while but it is still always there. Reminding you that your life is not quite complete in the way that it should be. That something important is missing.

I hated the deployment ache.

The ache was the hardest part of the deployment and sometimes you could see the ache on my face. Friends told me they could see such a huge change after my husband got home. Even if I was smiling when he was gone, it just wasn’t as big as when he was home.

When he was home, the ache was gone. That feeling wasn’t there anymore. It was the difference between being deployed and not being deployed.

The deployment ache is when you put the kids to bed and all you can think to do is cry yourself to sleep because you are not sure you can handle one more day.

The deployment ache is when you hear that your husband will be deployed a little bit longer than you had thought and there is nothing you can do about it.

The deployment ache is when you realize they will miss your birthday, Christmas, and Valentine’s Day for the third year in a row.

When your spouse is gone, you tell yourself that once they get home everything is going to be okay again. Then they return, you have a honeymoon period, and then life sets in. They go back to work, the kids need you, life gets busy and semi-normal again.

You have a bad day and you can be surprised about how you feel. During the deployment, you told yourself you would never have a bad day again as long as your spouse was back home with you.

The reality? Life is hard for everyone sometimes, military or not. Life gets complicated and you will have your good and bad days. However, when your spouse is home you are not going to have the deployment ache. And that is something to look forward to.

Because when they are home, the ache is gone and you can focus on everything else going on in your lives instead. You can talk to your spouse often, you can work on issues the two of you are dealing with, you can parent together and you can be a couple, in the ways you hoped you would be when you got married.

The ache is gone and you can move forward with your lives until the next time they would have to go away.

Have you felt the deployment ache before? How do you deal with it?

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