Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Julie

For the MilSpouse Right in the Middle of a Deployment

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For the MilSpouse Right in the Middle of a Deployment

Getting used to a deployment can be pretty difficult and let’s face it, do you ever really get used to a deployment? Nah, not really, but something happens a few weeks or even months in. You get to a place where the deployment doesn’t feel as gut-wrenching. You might even feel that you have a handle on things.

You have a routine now. Wake up, make breakfast, get the kids to school, head to work, come home, make dinner, etc. You are now used to not having that extra person around the house. Sure, you still have bad deployment days, days when you are so sad and just want to cry into your pillow. But at the same time, you feel a bit stronger than you did when they first left. A little less heartbroken.

But then you hit a point, middle deployment. The time when they have been away for a while but you still have a ways to go. The time when you look at all you have gone through but still know you have such a long road until homecoming. You want to be stronger, you want to keep going but knowing you are not at the finish line can be hard to take.

What should you do? How can you keep going? How can you turn things around and get through the rest of the deployment?

Here are some ideas!

Work on a goal list

If you haven’t already started a deployment goal list, now is the time. What do you want to get done before the deployment is over? What projects do you think you can tackle over the next few months? What have you always wanted to do in life but never felt like there was time to do? A deployment goal list will allow you to focus, and get working on your goals, even those that will take longer than a deployment to complete.

Write more love letters

If you haven’t already, start writing your spouse love letters. Write more love letters than you used to. Pour out your heart to the man or woman you love. Buy new stationery, add fun stickers, look for silly or sexy rated cards.

There are quite a few fun ones out there. Make a plan to write once a week. Take photos to share. Send more care packages.

Throw a party

Throw a halfway party with some of the other spouses. Sometimes the FRG likes to do a 50 day or 100-day party. If not, throw one yourself.

Don’t like to cook? Make it a pot-luck. Is the weather nice? Have a picnic party. Do something to celebrate the time you have already gone through in this deployment.

During COVID, you could throw your party virtually! Plan a date for everyone to get on Zoom to celebrate. Get a drink and party in your PJs from your own home. And that might not be a bad idea for after COVID too.

Start a long book series

Being lost in a book is a great idea. Start a long book series and get to reading. This would be a great time to start Harry Potter if you haven’t yet or go ahead and read the books a second time. Some other ideas are The Southern Vampire Mysteries, the series True Blood was based on, or the Outlander series, my favorite.

Sign up for a new volunteer position

A lot of groups on posts are always looking for volunteers. You could also work in your child’s school, coach a sports team or look for places in your community that need a little help. If you have a lot of free time, pour yourself into something new. Doing so will make the days go by faster, helping others will be good for your soul and you might even make some new friends because of it.

Take a trip

If you can, go on a trip. That is one of the best ways to make it through that middle deployment period. If you don’t have kids, or even if you do, see if a friend wants to go with you. During our 2nd deployment, my friend and I planned a trip to Garmisch during the middle of the deployment. It was a lot of fun and we were able to get out and explore a bit even though our husbands were gone.

No matter how long your deployment is, you will probably hit this middle point and will feel like the deployment will last forever. Don’t worry, it won’t. You will get through these months and eventually you will be on your way to go pick up your spouse, with tears in your eyes and a smile on your face.

What has helped you get through this part of deployment?

Going Beyond OPSEC: Deployments in a Social Media World

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Social media can be great, but we need to be aware of something very important.

Going Beyond OPSEC: Deployments in a Social Media World

During our first deployment, we were all about Myspace. After spending time with friends, we would go home, put the kids to bed, upload our photos from the day and update our music list. 

These days, we are all about Facebook, Instagram, and even TikTok. 

Social media can be good for connecting with local friends, finding out information about FRG events, and sharing photos with our friends and family back home. We also can connect with our spouses on there through messenger or just respond to their statuses. I could always tell when my husband was really missing us back home because he would share a lot of our photos on his friend list.

Social media can be great, but we need to be aware of something very important.

There are certain topics we should not be posting about. Certain topics we need to wait on posting. We need to educate ourselves so that we are not breaking any OPSEC rules or getting anyone in trouble.

This not only refers to a “public” Facebook post but any Facebook post. Whether you are just sharing the info with your closest friends or in a Facebook group. We need to be aware of what is allowed and what isn’t.

When you first become a military spouse you might not know what is okay and what isn’t. You might get confused because you see certain things in the news or being posted by others and you are not sure why they can post those things and you can’t. You might get lost in all the details and can’t totally remember what is okay and what isn’t.

Never Exact Dates and Locations

The main thing to keep in mind is never ever post exact dates or exact locations. Never say when your spouse is supposed to come home. Never say where they are and it might even be a good idea to just stick with the general, “they are overseas” or “they are deployed.”

Some even say things like, “the place they go for a while” or “away on “business.” Some military spouses keep the whole deployment off social media altogether. You don’t have to do that but you do have to be smart about how you talk about the deployment.

Talking About Injuries or KIA

If someone in your spouse’s Company or Unit is KIA or injured you might be notified about it directly. If not, eventually, the news will make its way down the grapevine and you will hear what happened. DO NOT POST THIS ON SOCIAL MEDIA. At least not right away. There could be family members that have not heard the news.

There was a spouse who ended up hearing about her husband on social media because people posted about it. Can you even imagine? While the military will notify the family members ASAP, sometimes other people hear the news before they do and if you happen to hear too and share that news, doing so could end up ruining someone else’s life. The best rule of thumb is to wait until you hear from the family on social media or hear it being announced more publically.

Never What They Are Doing

I am a military spouse who doesn’t need to know the exact thing that her husband is doing when he is deployed or even away on training. I always have a general idea of what he does but I don’t need it broken down until after he gets home. If you do find out about what your spouse is doing, never share that on Facebook or other social media.

If that news gets out, it could ruin the mission. You never know who is watching, you never know who could take that information and use it against the US military. Keep that information to yourself. You should also never post about when your spouse is going to be moving to another base. This happens a lot and is pretty normal for a deployment so try not to get anxious about it either.

If You Are Not Sure

If you are not sure if what you want to post falls under OPSEC or PERSEC or is perfectly fine to post, feel free to ask someone who has been a military spouse for a while or simply not say that info publically. I know how excited we can get when our spouses are coming home or when we know when that day is going to be but we can’t share that information on social media.

A good rule is to only post things after the fact. Keep that information to yourself and then go nuts telling your Facebook friends all about your homecoming after your spouse is back home with you. That way you are not endangering the mission, causing a delay on homecoming, or leaking out information you shouldn’t be sharing with anyone. 

Do you ever get confused about OPSEC?

10 Gifts for the MilSpouse Book Lover

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I know many of you love to read like I do. There is nothing better than diving into a new book. So whether you have a gift card burning a hole in your pocket, or shopping for another milspouse friend or family member, here are 10 gifts for the MilSpouse Book Lover:

I get commissions for purchases made through some of the links in this post.

Book of the Month Subscription

I have been subscribing to Book of the Month for almost five years now, and I love it. Book of the Month is a book subscription service where each month you get to chose a hardback book from five selections. One of the things I love about the Book of the Month subscription is that if you don’t like any of the books on a certain month, you can easily skip. If you like more than one, you can add up to two add-ons. And after 12-months as a subscriber, you become a BFF with special perks. I LOVE being able to pick out a new book once a month. You can sign up here, and if you love books as I do, you will be glad you did 🙂

Bookmarks

I LOVE cute bookmarks. There are so many amazing creators out there, making bookmarks based on anything. From favorite books to favorite phrases. Just head on over to Etsy and see what you can find. I have ordered some cute bookmarks from BOOGandBEAN and BookmarksAndBites.

Bookish Socks

I love cute socks! And there are some super cute socks for book lovers out there. These Lavley Nerd Socks are SO fun!!!

Military Spouse Fiction

Are you a fan of military spouse fiction? Here are some authors that write about military spouse fiction or military life fiction:

A Kindle Paperwhite

I LOVE my Paperwhite. If you are going to get a Kindle to read on, the Paperwhite is the best choice. You won’t feel like you are reading on a computer or phone, which is so nice. The newest version is waterproof and I use the light every night when reading in bed.

A Kindle Paperwhite case

If you are going to get a new Kindle, you need a pretty new case. And there are many to choose from. Most of them are pretty affordable too. Just make sure the case you are buying fits your model of Kindle. I just bought myself this pretty one.

100 Books Scratch Off Poster

This is such a neat idea! The 100 Books Scratch Off Poster- Top Reads of All Time Bucket List. Put it on your wall, and once you read the book, scratch it off.

A Bookish Tee

What’s better than a bookish tee? There are so many to choose from. I love this “My Weekend is All Booked T Shirt.” It pretty much describes my life.

A Reading Journal

Tracking what you read can be a fun way to remember your reading year. And they make some amazing reading journals. For example, this Bibliophile Reader’s Journal by Jane Mount, with beautiful illustrations.

It’s Time For The Sixth Annual InDependent Wellness Summit

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I love going on walks. Back when my children could fit in a stroller, I loved to take them out and walk all over the place. When we were in Germany, during our first two deployments, I walked everywhere.

Just getting out for a bit, was helpful. But beyond on, the walks helped with my wellness and allowed me to get into shape. They helped with my anxiety and allowed me to really see Germany in a different light, not just from the windows of a car.

Walking allowed me to be out in nature, and to take a breather when life got stressful. And military life did quite stressful during those years. My husband ended up deploying for 15 months, with a year home, and then off for another year-long deployment. I had a new baby, that soon grew to a toddler as well as a young toddler that grew into a preschooler.

I look back on those years and know that the walking saved me. And in the moment, I didn’t even realize how helpful the walking really was. I didn’t even realize how much I was helping myself with my daily walks.

Wellness is so important to focus on during our military spouse life. Whether it is mental, physical, or emotional. This life can be filled with twists and turns, and being able to make time for ourselves is so important. Self-care, and taking care of our own bodies is so very important.

One way you can do so is by attending the sixth annual InDependent Wellness Summit! This will be virtual, from March 1-6th, 2021.

This summit will allow you to gain insight from 10 expert interviews encouraging you with actionable and practical ways to nourish, rest, and rejuvenate.

Registration is now open. General admission will be free but there is also an All-Access ticket avaliable. You can get 30% off of this ticket by registering through my link.

Do so here—>>> https://iws21bewell.eventbrite.com/?aff=swcl&discount=AMBIWS21

What do you get with an All-Access pass? You will receive an entry to a private Wellness Lounge, enjoy a virtual swag bag, and will be eligible to win exclusive giveaways!

Sign up today!

What Military Spouses Can Learn From Martin Luther King Jr.

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What Military Spouses Can Learn From Martin Luther King Jr.

Today is Martin Luther King Jr. day. A day to stop and remember this man, and what he stood for. A Day to stop and think about what his actions did to work towards the change that was so badly needed. A Day to serve and help others, to continue what he stood for.

Martin Luther King knew what freedom meant and that not everyone was being treated equally. He changed history for the better and he will always be remembered. We can learn so much from his words, to help our country, and ourselves.

Martin Luther King Jr NYWTS 5

By Herman Hiller / New York World-Telegram & Sun [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

As we think of Martin Luther King Jr. today, I thought it would be interesting to look at some of his quotes and see how we, as military spouses can apply them to our own lives. How we can be better people, based on things he has said.

“Faith is taking the first step even when you can’t see the whole staircase.” 

When we start a new deployment or PCS to a new location, we have to have faith that we can get through it. We have to have faith that we will make things work for ourselves. Even if we can’t see how we will actually do so.

“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.”

It’s so important for us as military spouses to be aware of our racial biases and work through them. To stop and listen to others that may have walked a different road. And to work towards King’s dream, in our own everyday lives.

“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.” 

Sometimes we are crawling through this life and other days we are flying. The point is, keep moving forward, no matter how fast or slow you are going. One day at a time.

Martin Luther King Jr NYWTS 4

By New York World-Telegram and the Sun staff photographer: Albertin, Walter, photographer. [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: Only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: Only love can do that.”

Hate can tear communities apart. Love brings them together. Even if you don’t get along with someone, even if they are not your cup of tea, hate is never going to make things better. As a military spouse community, we need to be bringing each other up, not tearing one another down.

“Everybody can be great … because anybody can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. You don’t have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.” 

Such a great reminder that you don’t have to have x, y, and z to help other people. This can apply to so many things, from volunteering for the FRG to being a supportive spouse while your loved one is away.

Martin-Luther-King-1964-leaning-on-a-lectern

By Trikosko, Marion S. [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

“Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a constant attitude.” 

Being able to forgive will help you go far in the military world. From your neighbors to your coworkers, to the other spouses you meet along the way. Not everyone will act the way we hope they would and being able to forgive will help you have a better experience.

“We must accept finite disappointment but never lose infinite hope.” 

This is so true for everyone but in the military world, disappointment can happen on a regular basis. The key is making lemonade out of the situation and not losing hope.

“No person has the right to rain on your dreams.”

Whatever your dreams are, whatever you have planned, don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t. Push through, make it work, and get creative.

As we think about Martin Luther King Jr. today, as we think about what he set forth to do, all that he accomplished, and what he hoped for, we can learn a lot about ourselves. We often say, if we were around during those years, we would have been on the side of justice. But the truth is, we can still be on the side of justice today. We can be kind to those we meet, we can stick up for one another, and through that, our own communities will become a better place.

Just Keep Swimming Military Spouse, Just Keep Swimming

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Just Keep Swimming Military Spouse, Just Keep Swimming

I was on my high school swim team, all four years. I had a love/hate relationship with it. For most of my high school years, the practice was at 5:45 in the mornings. Diving into the pool that early in the morning was so tough most days. And then there was the workout.

We practiced for over an hour. Lap after lap after lap. Often we would be required to do 20 laps at a time. As anyone who works out on a regular basis knows, you have to figure out how to get to the end of your workout, and that isn’t easy.

After practice was over, I would climb out of the pool and feel amazing. We would shower, get dressed, and head to class, having already done our workout for the day.

Often during my husband’s deployments, I think back to my swim team experience. Swimming was difficult. I was not a super-fast swimmer naturally and even had a few Olympic swimmers on our team. We worked hard, all season long.

But just like a deployment, as good as climbing out of the pool felt, diving in to get started was so hard.

Even though I had done it before. During that pre-deployment period, there are so many fears.

Will it be as hard as I think it will be?

Will he come home to me?

Will he come home the same person?

As the date gets closer, everything becomes a lot more real. And that day you have to say goodbye for the deployment? Everything seems a bit surreal.

But then you dive in…

And just like I did in the pool so many years ago, you start your “swim.” You start your deployment; you start moving forward. Because you know you can’t stay on the side. You know you have to start. You know you have to dive in.

As you get going with your deployment, you will probably feel a wide range of emotions.

Some days are going to be difficult and others a little easier. You might go a few weeks feeling like you got this and then hit a period of time when you feel like you can’t. The important thing is to “just keep swimming.” You just have to keep going.

I would often try to think about all the things going on in my life while I was swimming my laps. I would try to think of all the things I wanted to do in the future. I used that time to focus on myself as my body did the work to get through my workout.

During deployment, I use that time to work on myself. To become a better person. To reflect on who I am and where I am going. To work through any struggles and power through.

As the deployment comes to a close, time can stand still at times.

The days don’t seem like they are moving. But when this happens, you just have to “keep swimming.” You just have to keep going to get to the finish line.

If you are in a season of deployment right now, remember to “just keep swimming.” That might look like making more plans with friends, going to visit family, or starting something new. Even if some of these things are on hold because of what is happening in the world right now. As the days go by, celebrate what you have accomplished.

I could give you a list of things to do to stay busy during a deployment, but in the end, your mindset is going to help you get through your deployment. You don’t have to be happy about the deployment or greet each day with joy, your spouse is gone, and that is a sad and difficult thing.

Reminding yourself to keep going, that you can get through this, will go a long way in helping you do just that.

Just keep swimming military spouse, just keep swimming!

5 Memes For Military Spouses This Holiday Season

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5 Memes For Military Spouses This Holiday Season

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, and Season’s Greetings. We made it to the holidays, which feels a little weird. On one hand, the holidays are supposed to be magical, but it’s 2020, so…I guess we have to see how it plays out.

As much as I want things to instantly get better once the clock hits midnight on January 1st, I know, that things might not actually change all that much for us. I have hope that we won’t be dealing with another year of a pandemic, but I just don’t have any idea when our current situation will be over. Sigh. And that’s so hard to think about.

As military spouses, we know that military life doesn’t always have the best timing. There will be years when your spouse will be deployed over Christmas. There will be years when they are home. There will be years when you don’t even have a home as you are PCSing during the holidays, and there are years when you will be able to invite your family and celebrate in the way you want to.

I get commissions for purchases made through some of the links in this post.

Add in a global pandemic, and things feel even more off. Still, I hope the holidays can bring you a little bit of joy. I hope that you can smile at least some of the time. Here are 5 memes for military spouses to help:

8 Memes For Military Spouses This Holiday Season

or California, or pretty much anywhere that refuses to have a White Christmas…TN I am looking at you 😉

Sometimes we have to take a deployment day by day, or even hour by hour. Deployments aren’t easy, but remember….you got this!

I have so been that girl, many times. And it isn’t the Christmas I wanted, but it was the Christmas I got. But at least I had my books.

YES!!! Put that under the tree please 🙂

I don’t know about you, but when I am going through something difficult, knowing I am not the only one going through it helps.

Whatever you do this holiday season, I hope you are able to make memories with your family, start new traditions, and connect together, even over the miles. As you look ahead to the new year, know that you can find ways to make it through anything that comes your way.

How are you celebrating the holidays this year?

Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life Interview with Conrad Palmisano, Vietnam Veteran turned Hollywood Stuntman, as seen in the docu-series Faceplant on MillionStories.com

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This past week, I had the privilege of interviewing Vietnam Veteran, Conrad Palmisano. After his time in the service, he went on to become a prolific Hollywood stuntman. Conrad is featured on the series, Faceplant.

Faceplant is a series that shares personal stories from people who discovered the value of failure in pursuit of their dreams. Hearing other people’s stories can be so encouraging, even if they have lived a life so different from our own. We can learn so much from other people if we take the time to listen.

Vietnam Veteran Conrad Palmisano

The Conrad Palmisano: From High School Dropout to Stuntman and Filmmaker episode follows Conrad, who has over 250 credits to his name. We hear about how dealing with being bullied as a young child, the Vietnam War, and the Marine Corps prepared him for future career challenges.

Watch my interview with Conrad as he talks more about his life including some of his favorite jobs as a stuntman, how one decision can totally change your life and lead to better things, and some amazing advice for all of us.

You can check out Conrad’s story and many others in the docu-series Faceplant on MillionStories.com