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What Moms Actually Want for Mother’s Day

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What Moms Actually Want for Mother’s Day

Do you know what moms want for Mother’s Day?

“Happy Mother’s Day…” is said on the 2nd Sunday in May to Mothers everywhere. But what do moms really want on their special day? It’s more than flowers and a pretty present. Mothers want a lot more, and you can’t really buy it in a Hallmark store.

What moms want for Mother’s Day

One Mother’s Day a few years ago, I told my husband I just wanted to go somewhere outside. Somewhere nice, near water. Living in Tennessee, we unfortunately are too far from a beach, but we do have lakes. So that is what we did. My husband and I hit the road and ended up at Kentucky Lake.

No, we didn’t bring the kids. No, I didn’t feel bad about that. My husband ended up giving me a perfect day.

We found a nice diner for lunch, then ran into a friend who took us out on her boat; it was quite the unexpected blessing. We spent the afternoon on the water, enjoying nature and the day’s peacefulness.

I realized that year that, for me, Mother’s Day needed to be a day when I was doing exactly what I wanted. Where I was at peace. And where I wasn’t stressed out.

I didn’t need flowers or presents so much as I needed a day to just be. Whatever that looked like.

As moms, we always feel a lot of pressure to make the perfect holiday. We are in charge of Thanksgiving and Christmas. We make sure our kids get Valentine’s and wear something green on St. Patrick’s Day. We get the Easter baskets ready for Easter, make the plans for fireworks and red, white, and blue shirts, and coordinate the Halloween costumes. But Mother’s Day? Why do we also feel like we have to do certain things for that, too?

So what do moms really want for Mother’s Day?

A Break Without Guilt

Let’s face it, as moms, we can sometimes feel guilty. And we shouldn’t. We aren’t just a mom. We aren’t just a wife, and we are allowed to have boundaries.

So us moms should never feel guilty about needing a break. Especially on Mother’s Day. That day, more than any other, should be 100% guilt free.

So what does a break look like for you? What would give you some rest? Whatever that is, make plans to do it this Mother’s Day.

To Feel Seen and Appreciated

As moms, we can get done what we need to get done each day, and not hear a single thank you. And that might be okay. But the beauty of Mother’s Day is it is a good time for your family to reach out and thank you for everything you do.

More than that, to feel seen and be appreciated is important. To know that the people in your family are thankful for all you do is important. And it is a very big part of what moms want on Mother’s Day.

Rest (Real Rest)

Resting is so important. And it can be really hard to find the time to do that, especially when your kids are small. Even more so if you are married to someone in the military.

But rest is important and your Mother’s Day should include as much of it as you need. Maybe it is a nap, or just time to read. Maybe it is watching movies all day, or sitting at a park. Find what makes sense for you. And enjoy resting on Mother’s Day.

Enjoy your day!

I hope you can enjoy your Mother’s Day. That it is a nice relaxing day for you, and you can truly do everything you want to do.

What Moms Actually Want for Mother’s Day

What a Military Spouse Will Never Understand

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A military spouse will never understand

I have been married to a soldier for almost two decades now. When we met, he was no longer active duty and ended up re-joining the Army after we had been married three years. As much as I can stand by and support him, there are things that I will never understand. There are things that a military spouse can never understand.

I will never understand what it is like to say goodbye to my family, small children included, to put on the uniform and put myself in harm’s way.

I will never understand what it is like to go out on a mission, praying I will make it back to the FOB.

I will never understand the moments when I thought I might not make it home, and picturing how my spouse will react, and how she will tell the children.

I will never understand what it is like being home, yet feeling like I should be over there, that I have a duty to do.

A military spouse will never understand what it is like to actually be in the military

I will never understand what it is like to lose friends in battle, the same battle I was in.

As a military spouse, I can be there for my husband. I can listen to his stories, the good and the bad. I can listen to what he chooses to tell me.

But I know that he won’t tell me everything; I couldn’t even begin to understand. I know that being a soldier is something I can’t fully wrap my mind around, and I won’t try to pretend I get what it is like, because I don’t.

I can get through a deployment, and as hard as that might be, I am safe, in my home, in the United States. I don’t know what it is like to go through a deployment, in my uniform, protecting what I hold dear.

I can roll my eyes when I feel like the Army won’t make up its mind, but I also am not the one that may or may not have to say goodbye to my family for a year, depending on what the Army does decide to do in the end.

On The Emotional Day Before They Deploy

I am not the one who misses what is going on back at home

I can be frustrated about my husband missing something, about him not being there, and not being able to get that time back but I am not the one who has to hear about the event second hand, who has to be okay with just photos and a video, and that feels the pain of what they have missed over the years.

I have never believed we should be debating who has it harder, the service member or the military spouse. Every person is different, every deployment is different. There is no way to weigh each other’s situations.

There is something a soldier goes through, something someone who has deployed has gone through, something about being in the military themselves that a military spouse won’t be able to understand.

But…

We can be a rock

We can be a rock, in an otherwise stormy life.

We can be a person our service member can always trust when it is hard to know who has their back.

We can support them, in the ways they need us to because we love them.

And when things get difficult for us, which they will, we can find ways to make it through, so that we can be there for them, through everything military life brings.

Some military spouses have served in the military, or maybe still do. There are many veterans out there who are now married to a service member themselves and have seen both sides. Some of my closest friends that I have made during this life are prior military. They, of course, have a different perspective on this than I do, a military spouse who has never served.

How long have you been a military spouse?

18 Tips to Help Military Spouses Navigate Their Next Deployment

What a Military Spouse Will Never Understand

18 Tips to Help Military Spouses Navigate Their Next Deployment

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18 Tips to Help Military Spouses Navigate Their Next Deployment

Beyond Staying Busy: 18 Things That Can Truly Help You Survive Your Next Deployment

The #1 bit of advice you will receive during a deployment is to stay busy. That’s simple enough, right? But how about beyond that? What can you do on a day-to-day basis to survive your next deployment? What can you do to make time move faster and not feel like you are always falling apart when you are surviving a deployment?

Here are 18 things that can genuinely help you survive your next deployment:

1. Buy a journal, write in it daily

Find a pretty journal, even Walmart has some cute ones. Write in the journal every day. Make that a part of your routine. Share your day, share your feelings, and let everything out.

2. Find good friends

Find good friends and make plans with them. Don’t be shy. Put yourself out there when you can.

3. Laugh

Laughing during a deployment is the best. Find people you can laugh with. Watch movies that crack you up. Don’t be afraid to have fun even if your spouse is deployed.

4. Focus on school

If you are in school, focus on your school work. If not, maybe now is the time to go back? Check out the programs in your local area as well as online.

5. Focus on work

Focus on your career. Don’t have one yet? Figure out what you want to do. Find a job and get started.

6. Focus on your family

If you have kids, focus on them. They will take up a lot of your time. You can also have regular phone calls with your family back home or even plan for some visits. Family can help with the hole in your heart left from the deployment.

7. Let yourself cry

If you are the type who feels like you need to cry, do it. That can help you get back to a better place.

Beyond Staying Busy: 18 Things That Can Truly Help You Survive Your Next Deployment

8. Binge watch it all

Game of Thrones, This is Us, or any of the Netflix originals will work. If the solo nights are bothering you, binge watch something.

9. Find friends who are there too

Good friends are important and finding friends who are also going through the deployment are a must. You can walk through this together, make plans together, and depend on one another.

10. Make a deployment bucket list

Make a deployment bucket list even before they go. What do you want to get accomplished? What do you want to do with your kids? What can you focus on?

11. Stay on your normal routine

In some cases, sticking to your regular routine is the best thing to do. You can focus on what you normally do and keep living your life, even when your spouse is gone.

12. Wine, lots of wine

Wine or fruity drinks or even Dr. Pepper. Whatever gets you through the deployment.

13. Care packages

Some people love to send care packages, and it’s an excellent way to spend your time. You can get super crafty with them or keep them simple. Remember to be aware of holiday ship by dates as well as when you need to stop sending things overseas because they are coming home.

14. Don’t dwell on it

While you can’t completely forget that they are deployed, you can try not to dwell on the fact that they are gone. When you feel like you are, snap yourself out of that and go and do something fun. Put on some music and get in a better mood.

15. DIY projects

DIY projects can be a lot of fun. Whether you are repainting your kitchen or creating something original. Pinterest can give you a lot of ideas as well as Facebook groups such as White Walls.

Beyond Staying Busy: 18 Things That Can Truly Help You Survive Your Next Deployment

16. Go to the gym

One thing you can focus on to survive your next deployment is to focus on your health. Go to the gym, go for walks, train for a 5K, whatever you do, find a way to get out there and exercise. Not only is working out good for your health, but it’s also a good way to get your anxiety and frustrations out.

17. Slumber parties

If you can find a good friend whose kids get along with yours, have sleepovers. If your spouses are deployed over a holiday, you can have them to not feel as alone. Put the kids to bed, stay up late drinking wine, and vent over all the silly stuff from the day.

18. Stay social

Stay social. Get out there and meet others. Be active. There is so much you can do, especially if you live near post. See what is out there and make plans.

Not all of these tips will work for everyone, but they can give you a good idea of what you can do to survive your next deployment.

What would you add to this list???

Beyond Staying Busy: 18 Things That Can Truly Help You Survive Your Next Deployment

All About the Hanes Military Discount

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Did you know about the Hanes military discount?

Hanes is a great place to shop! You can find anything from underwear to socks or pajamas. They have basic hoodies and athletic clothing. Something for everyone in the family.

Shopping at Hanes

I love going to the Hanes store at the Opry Mills Mall in Nashville. I can always find something for me or for someone in my family.

Hanes brands include the following brands: Hanes, Champion, Playtex, Bali, L’eggs, Just My Size, Barely There, Wonderbra, Maidenform, Berlei, and Bonds. They have a lot of options, and are an ideal place to go to find comfort clothing or sleepwear. Need some new socks or underwear? Go to Hanes!

Hanes Military Discount

The Hanes military discount is for 10%, and you can use it online and in person. To use online, you would need to be verified with ID.me, and you just share your military ID in the store. The military discount is open to all members of the military, including veterans. There is a $10 maximum discount allowed per order.

If you are ever unsure whether a company offers a military discount, just ask them. Many do advertise that they do, but not all. It doesn’t hurt to ask.

Can Military Spouses use this military discount?

Yes, military spouses and three family members are also eligible for the Hanes military discount. Just make sure you are verified on ID.me or have your military ID to show at the store.

Hanes History

Hanes actually started as Shamrock Knitting Mills in 1900, founded by John Wesley Hanes. The company was renamed Hanes Hosiery Mills in 1914. John Hanes had a brother, Pleasant H. Hanes, who founded the P.H. Hanes Knitting Company back in 1901, yes, around the same time that John started his company.

The two companies merged in 1965, forming the Hanes Corporation. They then became a part of Consolidated Foods, which became Sara Lee. It was in 2006 when Sara Lee spun off its clothing brand as Hanesbrands Inc.

Using Military Discounts

Whether you are planning to use the Hanes military discount or any of the other military discounts out there, enjoy the % off the company is giving. Be respectful of the rules around the discount, and have fun shopping!

How to Have a Good Mother’s Day When You Are the Only Adult in the House

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How to Have a Good Mother's Day When You Are the Only Adult in the House

How to Have a Good Mother’s Day When You Are the Only Adult in the House

Mother’s Day, 2007. My husband was in Iraq, and I was home with my almost six-month-old and two-year-old. These kids were not old enough to even know that Mother’s Day was supposed to be a special day.

I got it into my head that this was going to be a special day anyway. We were going to go to church and then we were going to go to brunch. So that is what I attempted to do. Only. I had a six-month-old and a two-year-old.

The baby started to get fussy. The two-year-old was well, being two. And I was alone, sitting at my table, trying to eat my special meal. It was horrible. I ended up just getting out of there as soon as possible, getting annoyed with myself for even thinking that was a good idea.

As military spouses, we experience holidays alone. And when we do, we try to make the best of things. But Mother’s Day? This holiday is made for pampering the mom. It is all about making her feel special and loved.

But how does that work when you are the only adult in your home? How does that work when your kids are too young to do anything to help you have a good Mother’s Day?

Here are some ideas to have a good Mother’s Day, even if your spouse is gone:

Order your favorite food

Order your favorite food. Order from your favorite restaurant. Make sure you are having a good meal. There is just something about having your favorite food on Mother’s Day that will lift your spirits.

No cleaning

Don’t clean. I know, how do you not clean for one whole day? You have to prepare ahead of time. And sure, with young kids, you’ll probably have to clean something or at least do a load of dishes. But don’t feel like you have to spend a lot of time cleaning on Mother’s Day. You can always catch up the next day.

Get together with friends

Have friends going through the same thing? Make plans with them. Plan a brunch so you can all chat and the kids can play. Pick a time to meet up at the park. Figure out how to spend the day with other people in your life who get it. 

Celebrate your mom

Spend the day celebrating your mom. If you live close, take her out for lunch. If not, give her a call and let her know you are missing and thinking about her. If your mom is not around, find another female family member to show your love to. They will appreciate it, and it will take your mind off being alone. And don’t forget about your mother-in-law.

mother's Day

Buy some cake

Don’t forget to get yourself a cake. No one will be making you one, and you will want that yummy dessert when the day comes. If you do love to bake, you can make your own, but either way, having cake will make your day better.

Ignore it

Who says you have to celebrate Mother’s Day if you don’t want to? Just ignore it. You might have to stay off social media for this, but you can ignore the holiday. Just have a regular Sunday with your kids and try not to put any pressure on yourself. You can always celebrate later on when your spouse is back home.

Having a deployed spouse on Mother’s Day can make it more challenging, but it doesn’t have to be horrible. You can still have a good Mother’s Day.

How have you celebrated when your spouse has been away?

How to Have a Good Mother's Day When You Are the Only Adult in the House

Don’t Forget About the Old Navy Military Discount

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Have you heard about the Old Navy military discount?

Have you heard about the Old Navy military discount?

Time to go clothes shopping! Let’s head to Old Navy. Whether you are headed to the mall to shop or a standalone store, Old Navy has clothing for the whole family.

You can find everyday clothing, pajamas, active wear, jeans, pants, dresses, and even shoes. It’s a great place to shop for the whole family.

And they also have a military discount.

What is the Old Navy military discount?

While I have experienced different amounts over the years, and at one store they offered it only on Mondays, I think these days the standard for the Old Navy military discount is 10% everyday. Just show your military ID at the store. Unfortunately, they do not have an online military discount.

Old Navy opened its first store in 1994 in Northern California. With its warehouse-themed interior, Old Navy began as a less expensive version of the Gap. The name Old Navy was inspired by a bar in Paris. Although it was announced in 2019 that they would be split into two companies, that didn’t actually happen, and Old Navy is still under the Gap name, along with Banana Republic and Athleta.

Old Navy has a rewards program

Old Navy also has a rewards program called Encore, formerly Navyist Rewards. With the program, you can earn points for rewards, get free shipping on $50+ purchases, and get members-only exclusive offers. There are three tiers: Core, which is free to join; Premier, for those who spend $350+; and All-Access, for card members.

Tips to Save More at Old Navy

When you are shopping at Old Navy, make sure to check out their sale section. You can find some pretty good deals there for you and the kids. Also, make sure to keep an eye on their sales. Even though you can’t use the Old Navy military discount online, you can usually find different discounts and codes to save you money.

Is the Old Navy Military Discount worth it?

You may wonder if the Old Navy military discount is worth it. I’d say, anytime you can save some money, it’s worth it. Even more worth it if you are buying clothes for the whole family.

Quick Old Navy Military Discount Q&A

Does Old Navy offer a year-round military discount?
Yes!
Do spouses qualify?
Yes, I have always been able to use my military spouse ID to get the military discount.
Do you need ID in-store?
Yes! Although it may be up to each store to decide how strict they are about asking for it. Make sure you have it on you.
Can you use it online?
No, sadly, at this time you can only use the military discount in the store.
Can I use it at the Gap and Banana Republic?
Yes!

Interested in more military discounts?

You can also find military discounts at many other clothing stores. Stores such as Columbia Sportswear, J.Crew, Hanes, Buckle, Under Armour, and Lululemon all have military discounts. Save between 10-40% off, depending on the store.

Image Credit: Photo by Alex Bierwagen on Unsplash

The 10 Worst Duty Stations

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The 10 Worst Duty Stations

Duty stations are such a popular topic. People always want to know everything about where they are going to PCS or the differences in duty stations. They want to know all about the best duty stations and the worst duty stations.

I have thought about making a list of the 10 worst duty stations for a while. I know there are certain places where people just dread going, and maybe for good reason. These places aren’t ideal, especially when you could get stationed at some amazing places.

However, I also strongly believe that you can “bloom where you are stationed” anywhere you might end up. That doesn’t mean you have to love your duty station, but that you don’t have to spend every day hating it, and that there are things to love about every place you might go.

So…what makes something the “worst” duty station? How can you get past that feeling? Well…here you go:

The duty station where your best friend just moved away

Finding your military spouse BFF is the best, but when that happens, something else will too, your best friend will probably have to move away at some point. And if they don’t, you do. And that sucks.

What can you do to help? Stay connected with them, even over the miles. Work to meet new people. And remember all those precious memories you’ve shared.

The duty station far from your family

Being away from family can be difficult for some people, especially if this is your first duty station. But there is something special about being out on your own, and making somewhere new your home. Try not to dwell on feeling homesick so much and work to find a place in your new location.

The duty station where you can’t find a job

You have worked hard, went to college, and as soon as it was time for you to find a job, your service member spouse gets orders overseas. Now there is no way to find a job in your field. This can be so frustrating.

You can stay behind, but that isn’t an option for most families. You can look and see what volunteer jobs you can get at your new duty station that you can add to your resume. You can think outside the box and try something different, or even work hard to find that ideal job, despite the difficulties of finding one where you are currently living.

The duty station that deploys your spouse too much

One question that comes up a lot is “how often is my spouse going to deploy if we PCS to this duty station,” but that question is hard to answer. The number of times they deploy, how long they are gone, and everything related to deployments depend on many factors.

The best thing to do if your spouse is going to deploy a lot is find a good friend circle, fill up your calendars as much as you can, and know you are not alone in this.

The duty station with awful housing

Sometimes, there is nothing you can do about bad housing at your duty station. You just have to deal with it, and try to make it your own. On the other hand, you might be able to move, either somewhere else on-post or off-post. Check out your options and go from there.

The duty station where you just can’t find your people

You assume that once you move to your new duty station, you will eventually find a fun friend group like the one you had before. But after a couple of months, it seems like you aren’t going to find your people. This is something we military spouses can struggle with.

If you find yourself in this position, make sure you are getting out there on a regular basis and trying to meet new people. Sign up for things you are interested in, take the kids to playgroups, and be friendly with those you meet when you are out and about.

The duty station that seems too expensive

There are a few places you could get stationed that will cost more than other places. This can be frustrating. Housing off-post might seem like too much or you might feel like your family can’t go out and do anything because of the costs.

Make sure you are doing your budget every month, find ways to save, and look for fun free events going on in your community.

The duty station you didn’t think you would end up

Maybe you just assumed you would always stay in the south, but now here you are on an airplane headed to Hawaii. And you are terrified.

Anything out of your comfort zone can be scary, but think of your new duty station as an adventure. Read up on the fun you can have where you are going, or the experiences of people who have lived there. And trust yourself to make the most out of your stay.

The duty station no one has ever heard of

Sometimes your spouse will get orders to a place no one has ever heard of. These can be smaller duty stations or more specialty-based, and because of that, you can’t find much information on them. If you need to know about Fort Hood or Fort Campbell, there is a ton of information out there, but not so much on a duty station most people have never heard of.

See if you can connect with the FRG (if they have one) or other spouses in your service member’s new unit. If you do have to go in without knowing too much, see what your post or base has available to you to get to know the area. They might have a newcomers class you can join.

The duty station you have been before and didn’t want to return

Maybe you were stationed somewhere for a few years and hated it. Then you left. Now five years have gone by and guess what? Your spouse just received orders to go back. You are filled with dread.

But remember, the duty station you left in 2014 will be different from the one you PCS to today. Duty stations change, people move in and then move away, you could have a completely different experience in the same place. Do not assume that your first time there will be exactly like you second.

What makes or breaks a duty station for you?

The 10 Worst Duty Stations

When You Didn’t Expect to Become a Military Spouse and Now Here You Are

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spouse joins the military after marriage

When Your Spouse Joins the Military After Marriage

We were standing in a circle, and he was talking about his time in Egypt. I thought that was pretty amazing. I had only ever been to Mexico before, and this guy had been to Egypt. He also talked a bit about his time in the Army. I thought that was pretty cool, too. He had served for a few years in the late 90s. It was now 2001, and he had been home for quite a few years.

We started dating soon after that. I learned more about him and his time in the Army. He told me about being stationed at Ft Drum, his roommate, and his 6 months in Egypt.

In 2002, we got married.

In 2004, we had a baby and moved to Kentucky.

How Everything Changed After the Military

2005? Well, that changed everything. In November of 2005, my husband re-enlisted in the Army and everything changed.

You see, when we got married in 2002, I was marrying my husband, who had served in the Army. I didn’t marry an active duty soldier.

I know I am not alone. While plenty of military spouses married their spouses while they were serving, some of us did not. We had civilian weddings and years with a civilian spouse. For a lot of us, the first time our service member was away from us for an extended period of time was several years into our marriage.

My husband and I had been married for three years, three months, and about three days before he left for Germany, starting our military life adventure. When I think back to that time before the Army, I am amazed that life was like that. Back then, I didn’t know what it meant to go through a deployment. I couldn’t tell you what PCS, MWR, or DEERS were. I knew what a military installation was; I had been on one before, but I never saw it as my home.

Looking back, his re-joining the military made so much sense. The Army is a part of who he is. I married a soldier, and I didn’t even know it. The military was and is in his blood.

So to the military spouse who didn’t marry a service member, know that you actually did.

There was always a part of him or her that wanted to serve, even if they never talked about it. With your spouse joining the military, you will be starting a new chapter of your married life. You will look back at the pre-military years and feel how different they will be from the military ones. The years you have spent building up your marriage will help you through the deployments, through the moves, and all the challenges that come with military life.

To you, the idea of becoming a military spouse might feel pretty scary. You might never have imagined yourself going down this road. You might have assumed you would spend all of your married years just 20 minutes from where you grew up and now you’re headed to Germany.

So, if your spouse joins the military after marriage, things will change a lot from how you originally thought they would go. You might think they would get home from work every day at 5 pm, just like your dad did, and now you are learning what 24-hour duty is like. You might have pictured the love of your life by you for every birth, just like he was with your oldest child, realizing he won’t be home from his deployment until your second baby is four months old.

So, to you, military spouse, the military might not have been a part of your future plans, but being a military spouse is your life now, and there will be ups and downs.

There will be days your soldier walks through the door and seeing him in his uniform will take your breath away. There will be days when you get in the car to pick up your airman with butterflies you hadn’t felt since the week you met.

There will be days when you will miss your marine so much that you will laugh at the time you thought you were going to lose it because you visited your best friend and you were away from him for the weekend pre-military. There will be days when you will watch your sailor get promoted and know deep down that he is finally in the perfect career, even though it took years to figure that out.

When your spouse joins the military after marriage, you may feel a bit scared and overwhelmed. I know I certainly did. But you will not have to go through this life alone. There are a lot of other military spouses you can connect with both off and online. There is support out there and ways of dealing with the challenges of military life.

How long were you married before your spouse joined the military?

spouse joins the military after marriage