How Deployments Can Change You For The Better

One of the hardest parts of military life is getting through the deployments. There is so much to hate about them, but after going through four myself, as well as so many other times apart, I have seen how deployments can, in fact, change you for the better.

Beyond making you a stronger person, they can help give you a better perspective, learn new skills, and allow you to be more successful in life in the future. While I hate that my husband had to be gone so much, especially for my children’s sake, I am thankful that through our deployments, I have also changed for the better.

Gain independence

Being alone, being the only adult in the house, and having to do so much yourself will help you gain your independence. You will learn how to do things you didn’t know how to do before they left. You will discover that things you thought were too difficult, are in fact possible to do on your own. And this is such a good skill to have, no matter who you are.

You understand other’s struggles

When you go through something such as a deployment, you start to understand how others get through difficulties of their own. You realize that we all go through our struggles, and while deployment might be yours, someone else might be dealing with something else. You will start to understand how they found the strength they did to get through because you found yours while your own spouse was deployed.

You can have empathy for other military spouses

After you have gone through a deployment, you can empathize with other military spouses who are getting ready to do the same thing. When they talk about their fears, you will be able to understand them too. Going through a deployment yourself will allow you to be there for others when they have to go through one of their own.

You don’t take your spouse for granted

After being away from your spouse for any length of time, you will learn not to take your spouse for granted. When they are home, you will be reminded of when they were not. This doesn’t mean you will never get annoyed with them or never deal with any frustrations common to married couples, but in the back of your head, you will remember when they were not there and will try not to take the fact that they are home for granted.

You gain patience you never knew that you had

You might think you don’t have much patience, but after a deployment, you will realize that you in fact do. You will have to wait and be patient during a deployment. You will have to wait to hear from them after they get there, you will have to wait to hear from them during the deployment, you will have to wait for homecoming, and anything else along the way. You will learn how to cope with all this waiting and hopefully can take those skills to help you with other parts of your life.

If you are getting ready for a deployment, try to look at what you can gain from that time apart. Think about how you can grow as a person and become better for it. We don’t have to like deployments, but we can learn how to grow through them.

How have you changed for the better because of your spouse’s deployments?

Why We Have To Show Compassion To Other Military Spouses

There is more than one way to be a military spouse. We all have different strengths as well as weaknesses. While I might cry to get my emotions out, another military spouse might do so in other ways. We also never quite know the journey someone else is on.

What we put out there in social media, is hardly ever the whole story. Someone can appear that they have it all together when they are just getting by. Others are more vocal about their struggles than their friends are. That doesn’t mean those who don’t share aren’t struggling too.

Us military spouses need to show compassion to other military spouses, even if we don’t understand their journey.

We need to show compassion, whether they are dealing with a miscarriage, a divorce, or just having a difficult time with military life. We need to show compassion when other spouses are struggling because you never really know how bad things are or how long they have been dealing with their struggles.

It’s okay to miss your spouse, no matter how long they might be gone. While a long deployment is going to be harder than a drill weekend, that doesn’t mean the spouse going through a drill weekend is having an easy time with her husband being away. And while you might be able to rock a month-long training without a beat, someone else might need to have a 10-minute crying session every night to get through.

Sometimes a shorter deployment will be more difficult than a longer one.

Sometimes that 5th deployment is the one that seems impossible to get through. Sometimes the two-week training that doesn’t seem so hard, is one of the first times a spouse has been without the person they married. Sometimes a spouse just hits her breaking point and can feel like she can’t make it one more day without her spouse by her side.

What seems hard to us might be easy to someone else. What seems like “no time at all” can be “the longest time” for different people. This is why we have to have compassion because any time away from our spouse sucks and we all have to work hard to make it through.

Having that compassion is the right thing to do. It helps the struggling spouse know that someone is listening. It helps them not feel so alone.

Having that compassion helps build up the military community instead of tearing it down.

It helps foster friendships and allows people to truly get to know other spouses. It helps local military communities as well as the online ones. Compassion will go further than rudeness any day.

Having that compassion helps set a good example to the brand new military spouse. When you are new to this life, everything seems so overwhelming. Knowing that you are going into a community that cares makes a difference.

Having that compassion is important because it makes life a little easier for everyone. Helping a spouse who is missing her husband will help her in the future. Knowing there are people you can reach out to will make life easier for you. And who needs the drama that comes with being nasty?

Photo by Dương Hữu on Unsplash

The truth is, you don’t have to agree with everyone.

We might all handle the same type of military spouse experience in different ways. Some will take each separation more to heart than others. You never know how you might feel about a future deployment, even if you feel like you are rocking your current one.

We have to show compassion to other military spouses so that our community can be a strong one. So that we can truly depend on one another. So that we can make it through the struggles that military life brings.

When has another military spouse shown compassion towards you?

This Veterans Day, I Want to Thank All Veterans…

Veterans Day is almost here, another year to thank a Veteran. Every Veterans Day I can’t help but look back and think about all our country has done and gone through over the years. I think of both of my grandfathers who served, my Dad, My Father-in-law and of course my own husband.

I think about how over the years, the duties of the military have changed. What my grandpa did in World War II is so different than what my husband was doing in Iraq. However, what they both have in common was the desire to serve, the ability to make this world a better place, and the sacrifices they made over the years.

This Veterans Day, I want to thank all Veterans…

To the ones who served before our time, in wars we have only read about in history books.

To the ones who served even when that meant leaving their love for too long of a time.

To the ones who served when serving wasn’t the popular thing to do.

To the ones who first left for Iraq and Afghanistan, before we understand what was going on…

To the ones who joined after 9/11 even though they knew how much the world had changed on that day.

To the ones who served because their father, grandfather, and great-grandfathers did.

To the ones who served even if no one in their families ever did.

To the ones who served as the first women in the military, paving the way for future generations.

To the ones who served even though they were a brand new citizen.

To the ones who served even when it seemed like America didn’t think they belonged.

To the ones who served that made it home and to those who never did.

To all of you who serve, thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Thank you from a grateful nation. Thank you for all you have done and all you will do in the future.