Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Deployment

Joining Forces For Military Families

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America has been involved in two wars for 8+ years now.  Many military families have been through deployment after deployment during this time.  We are two months into our 3rd deployment and I can feel the weight of the last two.  And I know I am not alone in this.  Many other families are going through the same thing.  I am not sure when these rapid deployments will end.  When there can be YEARS between them.  I have been praying this can happen for a long time now and I just have to hope it will.  They tell us we will get two years between deployments now.  But really?  I am not sure I can believe this.  Especially since things are going on in other places in the world besides just Iraq and Afghanistan.  And although I hope for years I am preparing myself.  We just started this deployment and I already have to mentally prepare for a fourth which could happen just a year after he returns from this one.

I was so happy to see this website  Joining Forces.  This is a national initiative started by the First Lady Michelle Obama and Dr. Jill Biden.

The website says this, “1% of Americans may be fighting our wars, but we need 100% of Americans to be supporting our troops and their families. Mrs. Obama and Dr. Biden are asking Americans to get involved in any way they can.”

This needs to happen!  Deployments are not going away.  And the more deployments families go through, the more support we will need.   I hope all of America can help in some way.   While part of our family is off fighting in a war, we need to know that America cares and respects that.  Over the last 5+ years that we have been a military family we have seen such wonderful support from friends and family.  Thank you all so much!  Your support means more than you will ever know.

So no matter what your political beliefs are, no matter if you support the war or not, check out that site and find a way to help a military family 🙂

 

 

The First Day they are Gone

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The First Day they are Gone

The First Day they are Gone

The first day they are gone really sucks.  When they leave in the early morning vs afternoon/evening, the first day is even harder.  Why?  Because when they leave later in the day you have less of a first day to get through. You can come home and go to bed and then before you know it, you are on day two. This is such a little thing but the time of day makes a big difference.

The first day they are gone you walk around your house in a daze.  You want to be out doing something but you don’t want to at the same time.

The first day they are gone you see something you bought together at the store and looking at what you bought makes you cry.  You see their dirty laundry and the pile makes you cry. You would give anything for them to come home and add more dirty laundry to the pile.

The first day they are gone you realize you can toss that almost empty bottle of shaving cream because no one is going to be around for a while to use it up.  And then you cry because no one will be around to use the shaving cream up.

The first day they are gone you sometimes forget and then remember quickly that they are not coming home that night.  That you will be on your own for dinner, bedtime and you will sleep alone. Earlier in the day, you can almost pretend they are just at work. After dinner, you can’t do that anymore and reality starts to set in.

The first day they are gone you wonder what he is feeling, what he is doing, where he is at. If he is scared or how much he is missing home. If he cried too even though you rarely see tears in his eye. If he wishes that at that moment, he had chosen a career that never took him from home.

The first day he is gone you try to figure out how you are going to make X amount of days.  You wonder how you will be both mom and dad and how you will handle life when your children realize daddy won’t be coming home at night for a while. You know solo parenting is difficult and here you are having to do everything once again.

The first day he is gone you are hit hard with how hard this military life can be sometimes and how strong you will have to be to make it through the deployment.

The first day they are gone sucks, it really really sucks and you pray the second day they are gone is a little bit better. Because after day one is over, you are officially in deployment mode and you have a long road ahead of you. But at least, after day one is over you know you have one less day to get through until they come home.

Want a Guide for the First 30 Days of a Deployment???

Guest Post: Re-integration take 3

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Today’s guest post is by Lauren at Faith and Deploying!  Check out her blog too 🙂
 
Coming Back From Deployment

“The snooze setting on an alarm clock should be banned” I remember thinking that the very next morning after my husband had only been home for approximately 6 hours and had to report for his in-processing. My husband has a habit of snoozing for HOURS! And his alarm goes off every 5 minutes. I definitely did not miss the snooze button during deployment number 3, or the tossing and turning, or the side swipes of the elbow at 3AM. I didn’t have any expectations this time when my husband came home like I did the last two and I think that helped us more than my husband will admit. He wanted to relax and while I did resent the fact that he was living in a hotel in beautiful Guam for 5 months having someone cook and clean for him, if he wanted to relax, well then it was his R&R. He did manage to clean up some things and help out more when I asked and I found myself not nagging him like normal. Usually I only had to request once, maybe twice if I asked through a text message and he seemed to want more time with me not sitting at home (which was completely out of the ordinary). Don’t get me wrong we had our fair share of blow ups and I definitely said my fair share of mean things, but honestly this re-integration has been the easiest. I think I amount that to how well we did this deployment with talking and not holding grudges and learning about our marriage.

The hard thing about re-integration is you have lived another life, one without your husband there to rely on. You realize you can cry alone, fix the power washer as you scream at it in your back yard, manage to discipline the dog, cook dinner, and catch up on emails all without any help. You are the Queen on your Lair and then suddenly, even though you might prepare for it, another person is suddenly there always in the way and making a mess. I don’t think they mean to make a mess, but let’s be honest they have lived in a 12X12 box (if you’re my husband) and only had 1 maybe 2 bags of possessions. The only taste of home is probably whatever came in the care packages you sent. So now an 1800 square foot house becomes fair game for shoes, socks, jackets, underwear, or just mess that you have no idea where it comes from. Let’s face it, it’s an adjustment.

I think the longer you are married the easier it gets. You learn to balance more and explain your way of living to your husband so he can help mold his bad habits out of the house when he is home. But he’s lived a different life too, one where all he had to do was get up to work every morning. If he wanted to sleep until 3pm and snooze that rotten alarm all morning long and eat whatever he wanted and play his video games for hours he could. But now that he is home, things are different. There is suddenly someone who needs attention and duties to fulfill with the house. Responsibilities he hasn’t had to think about or do for 5 months. It’s an adjustment.

I haven’t quite figured out the knack to re-integrating, but I am happier with this adjustment period. I find myself less reliant on my husband and more independent. I have no problem leaving him and going to a meeting or going out with my girlfriends. And we have no  issue just telling each other when we are upset. It’s an adjustment, but I’d rather have the adjustment and have him home than to not have him anymore. And I may just have to disable the snooze button on his alarm…..

Since the time for baby is getting closer and closer, I figured it might be a good idea to have some guest posts. My mind is mostly mush these days and not sure how much blogging I will feel like doing right after he is born.  If you are interested in writing a guest post for my blog, please feel free to email me about it at juliethearmywife@gmail.com.

Prayers During a Deployment

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Prayers During a Deployment

 

Prayers During a Deployment

Prayer has always been a part of my life.  When my husband is deployed I pray for him.  I also know he is on about 5-6 different military prayer lists at different churches around the country.  I know his family is praying for him.  I know his friends are too.

But this is where I am stuck.  Will praying keep him safe?  I pray all the time he is safe.

But the reality is people who have prayed for their husbands (or wives, sons, daughters, etc) have lost them 🙁   It’s hard because I just don’t understand it.  And maybe I am not supposed to.  Maybe I am just supposed to pray and trust that God will protect him?  Will more prayers from more people help him?

I know that when people pray for my emotional state, I do feel better.  When we pray for families of the fallen, I hope that they do feel a little more comfort.  But praying to keep people safe is where I get confused.  Not that we shouldn’t do it, I think we should but I just get confused by it all.

Prayer just feels very complicated to me right now. I want to believe that prayers will keep people safe, that they will heal them and that by doing so it will make life better. I want to believe I have power over it. At the end of the day, I really don’t and that is a very hard thing to let go of. I don’t want to have to think that my husband might not come back from war. I want to believe that he will be 100% safe and return to us so we can go on with our lives.

With the recent news of even more deaths, I just get even more scared about my husband being over there.  Honestly, it terrifies me.  Mix that with bad feelings I have never had before, I just feel lost. It’s a scary thing to have to go through. To make a will, to have those discussions, to be afraid of a knock at the door. It is all a part of Military life and deployments and something the spouse just has to figure out a way to deal with.

The reality is, that most of those who go over there come back. Most of them are okay and most people go on and have a life after deployment, although there might be a lot of struggles along the way. All we can really do is pray for them, pray for us and rest in the knowledge that God is there no matter what happens in the future.

 

Anyone else struggle with this?

 

And at the end of it all…Homecoming!

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One thing I try to keep in mind is that at the end of the deployment, we get to experience something wonderful…homecoming.

Military Homecoming

After all the long nights, computer conversations, emotional breakdowns, tears and lonely nights…it is finally over.  You wake up with a smile on your face thinking, “Is today really the day?” And it is. You get ready as soon as you can only to have hours to sit and wait for the final phone call. And finally, you get it.

Someone on the other end of the line tells you those magical words, “Your soldier will be arriving at the gym at 2pm.” And now you have a time. You can countdown in hours! Before you know it you are at the gym with your kids with all the other wives and children waiting for everything to start. It seems like forever as you sit there with a smile on your face. You can’t help it. This is such a happy day!

Finally someone important tells you it is almost time and to take your seat. The gym gets quiet, you see smoke and hear music and see the first of the boots march in. “Where is he? My husband is tall I should be able to spot him, ” you ask as you search the crowd of uniforms for your husband. And there he is, so serious. You know how excited HE is but he can’t smile about it, at least not yet. All the men are finally in the gym and you can’t stand it.

Someone important says a few words, maybe a prayer and then you hear those words…the words you have waited a full year to hear, “soldiers you are released”

The room goes nuts. The men in uniform start to smile and laugh and the women run to them. Children shouting “daddy daddy,” and you find him, and you hug him and you kiss him. Finally, the deployment is over. He is done with the deployment. The deployment stress is gone and he is in your arms again. All around you are daddy’s meeting babies, wives kissing husbands, and the room is filled with joy.

Other than my wedding day and the births of my children, there is nothing more wonderful than homecoming day.  So after he does deploy I will remember that after some time, that day will come again. And we will have another homecoming day.

When You Have To Fill The Role Of Mom And Dad

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When You Have To Fill The Role Of Mom And Dad

One reality of being a military wife is that for periods of time I have to be both mom and dad.  I have to do it all.  And that can be really really hard.  I have had to make a lot of decisions that other couples might make together.  And then I get to tell daddy after the fact.

This is because of schedules and what he has been doing while overseas. While I could talk with him it was hard to ask him about what I should do when it came to the kids. It was easier to just figure it all out for myself. I was the one with the kids on a day to day basis and he wasn’t. Kids change so much when they are little that when a military member is overseas for a longer length of time they really do not know their own children anymore.

I had to make the decision to get my son tested for his speech delay.  I had to make the decision to supplement with formula.  I had to be the one to potty train my son all by myself.  If your husband is in the military, you know exactly what I mean.  It can be very difficult having to make these decisions by yourself, not having your other half there to evaluate and help you decide.  Even when you can ask them, they might not know what to tell you because they are not there to see the whole picture.
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We are the sole disciplinarian for months at a time.  We decide when dinnertime is, when bedtime is and when playtime is.   Then they come home…

Now, what?  All of a sudden you no longer have to be both mom and dad.  You no longer are the only parent in the house.  But sometimes that can be a really hard transition.  And then once you do get it all worked out, they have to leave again.

This can be a frustrating part of living the military life. It takes a lot of patience from both of you to figure out the best way for Dad to find his way back into the family. Some children will react differently than others and it is important to remember this. Some kids will get used to the other parent right away and others won’t. Many tears will be shed over it and you might even find yourself thinking that it was easier in some ways when they were not there. Then you stop yourself and realize that no, it was much harder and if you can get through this transition your whole family will be better for it.

I imagine life will be like this for us until the day comes that my husband is not longer in the Army.  It’s just something we have to work at and struggle with.

What are your tips for the parent coming back into the family after being away for a time? What has worked in your family?

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When He is Away

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When he Is Away For Deployment

When he is away, I have fewer clothes to clean.  I have less food to make.  Less food to buy.  I can do whatever I choose to do and don’t have to run it by another adult.

When he is away I can watch what I want to watch on the tv.  I can eat all the ice cream myself and don’t have to fill up the gas tank as often.

When he is away, I miss my best friend.  I miss sharing a meal.  I miss seeing him drink his nasty beer.  I miss asking another adult his opinion.

When he is away I miss his commentary while watching silly shows.  I miss driving around with him and going to fun places as a family.

When he is away I am the solo parent. I wake the children up, make sure they are fed and taken care of. I am the one that puts them to bed, alone. I take them where they need to go and check their homework. I am mom and dad and have a lot of roles to fill that were made for more than one person. When he is away I cry more and smile less. That’s the reality.

When he is away I can come up with things that make me feel better about it all but I miss him all the same.  Such is life as a military wife.  As I look at the years ahead and know they will be filled with separations I try to remember those times when he is with us and life does seem a little more normal.   I will cherish those times and keep those memories with me always as I know how hard time away can be.

I know that life will not always be this way. Someday he will always be home with us and I hope that when that day comes I will remember the days when he was away and never take him for granted.

Space-A Part 3 The Return Trip

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my experience flying Space-AI have posted about my Space-A trip that I took last summer.  Space-A part 1 and Space-A part 2.  But I haven’t posted about the return trip.  Since it is almost summer again I figured I better post it before I forget too much 🙂

 

After spending a wonderful summer in California it was time to head back to Germany.  Instead of trying to get a flight out of Travis AFB which is about 8 hours from where I was, I took a commercial flight to Charleston, SC to meet up with my friend who was heading back to Germany too.  I had a hotel booked in the city so when we got to the airport we just had to get the van to the hotel.  I was so tired once we got in that I was glad my plan was to meet my friend the next day.

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The next morning I woke up and called a van to take us to the Air Force base.  He picked us up and dropped us off right in front of the Pax Terminal where you catch your flights.  Inside the terminal they do have a kids room with toys, cribs and tvs.  That was nice.  We chilled there for a few hours and then decided to get something to eat.

 

I decided to walk the boys to Burger King.  Well it was about a 10 minute walk and we get there and it was closed.  Keep in mind it was the end of August in Charleston so it was very hot and humid but also suppose to rain.  Also keep in mind that you must have all your bags with you at all times.  Not fun to walk anywhere!

 

We went back to the Pax terminal and just decided we would get stuff from the vending machines until my friend got there.  Well the problem with that is that it only took $1.00 bills and I had a bunch of $5s and no one would give me change.  It was so frustrating.  I asked the guy at the counter if there was any place to get change and he told me the bowling ally.

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So we got all our stuff and headed there.  Another 10-15 minute walk.  We get to the bowling ally just in time for it to start pouring down rain.   They had a little food place in there so I decided to feed us and just relax.  After we ate we bowled a little bit.  I think we spent about 3 hours there just killing time.

 

We made it back to the terminal at about 6ish and I was hoping my friend would be there soon.  Well by 9 she still hadn’t showed.  I was getting worried.  I couldn’t get ahold of her at all.  I didn’t know if I should go for a hotel or wait there.  The boys were getting crazy and I had a major “why did I decide to do this crazy thing?”meltdown.

 

At about 10pm my friend finally made it.  She had been in a minor car accident and that was why she was later than she had planned.  It was so stressful for both of us that we decided to skip the first flight out they had the next day.  That was probably our mistake but it was what we decided to do at the time.

 

We ended up having to stay the night in the terminal which was ok for the boys but I hardly slept at all.  The next day we were able to get a hotel on post which was really a house.  It was very nice.  We all got to shower and rest a little bit.

 

Well what ended up happening was the flight we were trying to get out on kept getting cancelled and changed to the next day.  It was suppose to leave on a Thursday and we finally left on the next Tuesday.  This was so hard and why I would never do Space-A again with small kids.  Just the waiting and wondering, having to find a hotel, not knowing if we were really going to fly each day.  We would call each morning only to find out that the flight had been moved again.  Thank goodness we were together.  I don’t know what I would have done if I was without another adult.

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We finally flew into Spangdahlem, Germany 6 days after I had arrived in Charleston.  That was when it got even more frustrating for us.  I will talk about that in the next post.