Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Deployment

And at the end of it all…Homecoming!

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One thing I try to keep in mind is that at the end of the deployment, we get to experience something wonderful…homecoming.

Military Homecoming

After all the long nights, computer conversations, emotional breakdowns, tears and lonely nights…it is finally over.  You wake up with a smile on your face thinking, “Is today really the day?” And it is. You get ready as soon as you can only to have hours to sit and wait for the final phone call. And finally, you get it.

Someone on the other end of the line tells you those magical words, “Your soldier will be arriving at the gym at 2pm.” And now you have a time. You can countdown in hours! Before you know it you are at the gym with your kids with all the other wives and children waiting for everything to start. It seems like forever as you sit there with a smile on your face. You can’t help it. This is such a happy day!

Finally someone important tells you it is almost time and to take your seat. The gym gets quiet, you see smoke and hear music and see the first of the boots march in. “Where is he? My husband is tall I should be able to spot him, ” you ask as you search the crowd of uniforms for your husband. And there he is, so serious. You know how excited HE is but he can’t smile about it, at least not yet. All the men are finally in the gym and you can’t stand it.

Someone important says a few words, maybe a prayer and then you hear those words…the words you have waited a full year to hear, “soldiers you are released”

The room goes nuts. The men in uniform start to smile and laugh and the women run to them. Children shouting “daddy daddy,” and you find him, and you hug him and you kiss him. Finally, the deployment is over. He is done with the deployment. The deployment stress is gone and he is in your arms again. All around you are daddy’s meeting babies, wives kissing husbands, and the room is filled with joy.

Other than my wedding day and the births of my children, there is nothing more wonderful than homecoming day.  So after he does deploy I will remember that after some time, that day will come again. And we will have another homecoming day.

When You Have To Fill The Role Of Mom And Dad

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When You Have To Fill The Role Of Mom And Dad

One reality of being a military wife is that for periods of time I have to be both mom and dad.  I have to do it all.  And that can be really really hard.  I have had to make a lot of decisions that other couples might make together.  And then I get to tell daddy after the fact.

This is because of schedules and what he has been doing while overseas. While I could talk with him it was hard to ask him about what I should do when it came to the kids. It was easier to just figure it all out for myself. I was the one with the kids on a day to day basis and he wasn’t. Kids change so much when they are little that when a military member is overseas for a longer length of time they really do not know their own children anymore.

I had to make the decision to get my son tested for his speech delay.  I had to make the decision to supplement with formula.  I had to be the one to potty train my son all by myself.  If your husband is in the military, you know exactly what I mean.  It can be very difficult having to make these decisions by yourself, not having your other half there to evaluate and help you decide.  Even when you can ask them, they might not know what to tell you because they are not there to see the whole picture.
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We are the sole disciplinarian for months at a time.  We decide when dinnertime is, when bedtime is and when playtime is.   Then they come home…

Now, what?  All of a sudden you no longer have to be both mom and dad.  You no longer are the only parent in the house.  But sometimes that can be a really hard transition.  And then once you do get it all worked out, they have to leave again.

This can be a frustrating part of living the military life. It takes a lot of patience from both of you to figure out the best way for Dad to find his way back into the family. Some children will react differently than others and it is important to remember this. Some kids will get used to the other parent right away and others won’t. Many tears will be shed over it and you might even find yourself thinking that it was easier in some ways when they were not there. Then you stop yourself and realize that no, it was much harder and if you can get through this transition your whole family will be better for it.

I imagine life will be like this for us until the day comes that my husband is not longer in the Army.  It’s just something we have to work at and struggle with.

What are your tips for the parent coming back into the family after being away for a time? What has worked in your family?

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When He is Away

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When he Is Away For Deployment

When he is away, I have fewer clothes to clean.  I have less food to make.  Less food to buy.  I can do whatever I choose to do and don’t have to run it by another adult.

When he is away I can watch what I want to watch on the tv.  I can eat all the ice cream myself and don’t have to fill up the gas tank as often.

When he is away, I miss my best friend.  I miss sharing a meal.  I miss seeing him drink his nasty beer.  I miss asking another adult his opinion.

When he is away I miss his commentary while watching silly shows.  I miss driving around with him and going to fun places as a family.

When he is away I am the solo parent. I wake the children up, make sure they are fed and taken care of. I am the one that puts them to bed, alone. I take them where they need to go and check their homework. I am mom and dad and have a lot of roles to fill that were made for more than one person. When he is away I cry more and smile less. That’s the reality.

When he is away I can come up with things that make me feel better about it all but I miss him all the same.  Such is life as a military wife.  As I look at the years ahead and know they will be filled with separations I try to remember those times when he is with us and life does seem a little more normal.   I will cherish those times and keep those memories with me always as I know how hard time away can be.

I know that life will not always be this way. Someday he will always be home with us and I hope that when that day comes I will remember the days when he was away and never take him for granted.

Space-A Part 3 The Return Trip

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my experience flying Space-AI have posted about my Space-A trip that I took last summer.  Space-A part 1 and Space-A part 2.  But I haven’t posted about the return trip.  Since it is almost summer again I figured I better post it before I forget too much 🙂

 

After spending a wonderful summer in California it was time to head back to Germany.  Instead of trying to get a flight out of Travis AFB which is about 8 hours from where I was, I took a commercial flight to Charleston, SC to meet up with my friend who was heading back to Germany too.  I had a hotel booked in the city so when we got to the airport we just had to get the van to the hotel.  I was so tired once we got in that I was glad my plan was to meet my friend the next day.

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The next morning I woke up and called a van to take us to the Air Force base.  He picked us up and dropped us off right in front of the Pax Terminal where you catch your flights.  Inside the terminal they do have a kids room with toys, cribs and tvs.  That was nice.  We chilled there for a few hours and then decided to get something to eat.

 

I decided to walk the boys to Burger King.  Well it was about a 10 minute walk and we get there and it was closed.  Keep in mind it was the end of August in Charleston so it was very hot and humid but also suppose to rain.  Also keep in mind that you must have all your bags with you at all times.  Not fun to walk anywhere!

 

We went back to the Pax terminal and just decided we would get stuff from the vending machines until my friend got there.  Well the problem with that is that it only took $1.00 bills and I had a bunch of $5s and no one would give me change.  It was so frustrating.  I asked the guy at the counter if there was any place to get change and he told me the bowling ally.

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So we got all our stuff and headed there.  Another 10-15 minute walk.  We get to the bowling ally just in time for it to start pouring down rain.   They had a little food place in there so I decided to feed us and just relax.  After we ate we bowled a little bit.  I think we spent about 3 hours there just killing time.

 

We made it back to the terminal at about 6ish and I was hoping my friend would be there soon.  Well by 9 she still hadn’t showed.  I was getting worried.  I couldn’t get ahold of her at all.  I didn’t know if I should go for a hotel or wait there.  The boys were getting crazy and I had a major “why did I decide to do this crazy thing?”meltdown.

 

At about 10pm my friend finally made it.  She had been in a minor car accident and that was why she was later than she had planned.  It was so stressful for both of us that we decided to skip the first flight out they had the next day.  That was probably our mistake but it was what we decided to do at the time.

 

We ended up having to stay the night in the terminal which was ok for the boys but I hardly slept at all.  The next day we were able to get a hotel on post which was really a house.  It was very nice.  We all got to shower and rest a little bit.

 

Well what ended up happening was the flight we were trying to get out on kept getting cancelled and changed to the next day.  It was suppose to leave on a Thursday and we finally left on the next Tuesday.  This was so hard and why I would never do Space-A again with small kids.  Just the waiting and wondering, having to find a hotel, not knowing if we were really going to fly each day.  We would call each morning only to find out that the flight had been moved again.  Thank goodness we were together.  I don’t know what I would have done if I was without another adult.

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We finally flew into Spangdahlem, Germany 6 days after I had arrived in Charleston.  That was when it got even more frustrating for us.  I will talk about that in the next post.

Writing Handwritten Letters When Your Spouse is Overseas

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I left for college in 1997 and email was very new. My dad hooked us up with Prodigy and then AOL when I was in high school but it wasn’t until I started college that most of my friends had email too. For the first few years, we still wrote handwritten letters to each other. 

I loved that and I miss how we use to do that all the time. I had this box filled with stationery and I loved getting it out and writing my friends letters. Updating them on my life and what was going on.

By the time, I graduated college email was more the norm, and these days we mostly use email for business reasons or transactions, or to get promotions to our favorite or not-so-favorite stores and restaurants. As much as I love how easy it is to connect with pretty much anyone these days, I miss those handwritten letters.

Ideally, each deployment would be filled with handwritten love letters between my husband and me but it just didn’t happen that way with us this last deployment. Communication was actually a big issue between us and one I hope we can work out before he has to leave again. There is something special about getting a letter in the mail written in his handwriting knowing he touched the same paper I was reading. There is something magical about it all.

I do have to be thankful, though.  Back when my Grandparents were going through WW2 all they had were handwritten notes.  No chatting on Skype for them.  No phone calls and no emails. They also didn’t even know when my Grandpa would be home. Can you imagine? What a different time we live in.

Writing Handwritten Letters To Your Spouse Overseas

Do you write a lot of handwritten letters during deployment or do you depend more on email/Skype?  Do you write handwritten letters to friends?

Getting Through A Deployment

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Getting Through A Deployment

Getting Through A Deployment

I have gotten a few emails recently about how to get through a deployment.  So I figured I would do a blog post about it.

When I finally know when my husband is going to deploy, I start making some plans on how to deal with what is going to happen and get through it.  I make lists.  Lists of things I can do for fun.  Lists of things I want to accomplish.  Lists of places I want to go. The lists never seem to end but they are helpful in keeping focused on getting through a deployment.

When he leaves, I get right to my lists!  The first day after you drop them off is so very hard.  The first week is very difficult.  I find myself walking around the housing remembering that last week at that time he was here doing things with us.  I find it hard to do the laundry and wash the rest of his dirty clothes he left behind.  I suddenly lost the other adult in my house.  It can be pretty painful.  But by about the month point I feel like I am going to make it.  I do have horrible, bad and sad days in between but I feel like I can get into a good routine and make it all work.

Getting Through A Deployment

What are some of the things I do to stay busy during a deployment?

I scrapbook

I take pictures

I do picture projects

I plan to read a certain amount of books

I plan to visit family (which will be easier being in the US now)

I find out what is going on in the community and fill up my calendar

I make plans with other Army spouses

I make sure my kids are having fun and taken care of

I fill my calendar up to stay busy

My main goal in getting through a deployment is to stay busy but not to the point where I burn myself out. This can be a hard balance to figure out and give yourself some grace to not get it quite right. It is something that is hard for so many of us but we have to just get up in the morning and try our best. It is all we can really do when dealing with a deployment.

I also try to live my life.  It can be sad to do things without him but I can’t put my life on hold for a year at a time, especially since we seem to be in this every other year deployment cycle.  I hate thinking about everything he will have to miss when he is gone. There will be way too many pages in the scrapbook where he is missing but I can’t just sit in the corner during the deployment. I have to try and make it through the months apart. The best way that I can.

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What would your advice be for getting through a deployment?

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Another Military Homecoming

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military homecoming
Military Homecoming
As I am getting ready for Homecoming 2009 I can’t help but think back to Homecoming 2007.  It was a 15-month deployment and it was 11 months between R&R; and Homecoming.  This time seems so different since I just saw him in August.  The whole Homecoming thing is really cool…once you get that phone call of where you need to be.

All the waiting until the Military homecoming just plain old sucks.  But it is worth it.

You get to the gym (or wherever you are supposed to be) and you wait.  You wait.  And you wait some more.
And then it starts.
The gym starts to fill with smoke.  You hear music and then you see them as the brave soldiers march through the door.  You try hard to spot your own spouse and when you do your heart just wants to burst.  But you have to wait.  They usually have a little
But you have to wait.  They usually have a little 5-minute speech and then you hear those words you have been waiting for…”Soldiers, you are released”  Or something like that.
It’s the words you have been waiting months and in my case, over a year to hear. The words that mean that your spouse is yours once again. That the deployment is over, that the homecoming has happened and that you can go back to living life as a Military couple once again.
Then everyone is running for their husband and it is just wonderful.  Hugs and kisses and relief.  Proposals and meeting of children and moms crying into their son’s arms. It beautiful and lovely and something a Military spouse is never ever going to forget.
Oh I can’t wait.  I really can’t wait to do it all over again 🙂

Are you waiting on a Military homecoming too?

Military Homecoming
Military Homecoming

Military Homecoming

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