Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Deployment

Christmas when they are deployed

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Christmas when they are deployed Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Have you ever had a Christmas without your spouse? If you have ever gone through a Christmas when they are deployed it can be very difficult and lonely.

We have done it twice.  Once in 2005 (although not a deployment, he was in Germany and I was in the US waiting to join him) and once in 2008.  In 2006 we got lucky since I had a baby and they sent him home on R&R over Christmas.

Here are some ideas to help make the holiday season a little less lonely during a Christmas when they are deployed:

1) Plan to visit family or have them come visit you.  If you can’t be with your husband on Christmas morning, family might just be the next best thing. they can step in, keep you busy and allow you to have fun with others even if you are really missing your spouse.

2) If you can’t be with family or don’t want to be, make plans with friends.  This is what we did in 2008.  My parents were coming in January so it was just the boys and I for Christmas.  We had our time opening gifts at home and then we got together with my friend and her kids.  It made for a fun day.  Lots of playtime for the kids and lots of emotional support for us moms.

3) Make a fun gift package to send to your husband.  Check the dates to make sure he will get it in time.  If for some reason you can’t send him something, make him something and save it for him.  Even if he is going to get home in the Spring or Summer, he will still enjoy it. There are a lot of great ideas you can do for a cake package for Christmas when they are deployed.

Christmas picture4) Video tape the festivities.  He may not be able to be there in person but at least he can see how the day went.  Have the kids create a special video message for him too. Video tale opening the gifts. Being able to watch this can make your spouse feel closer to home during a Christmas when they are deployed.

5) Think about it. Think about the military life and how some years you will be apart for certain holidays but the next year you might not be.  Think about the holidays you have spent together.

6) Create new traditions.  Maybe you will save the stocking for later when he is home.  Who cares if it is February?  Have your Christmas a month early if he is leaving right before December.  Don’t worry about celebrating on the actual day.  As military family our lives are not normal, why do our holidays have to be?

7) Remember you are not alone.  I know it is easy to think that you are the only one without your husband during Christmas but it just isn’t true.  There are a lot of other spouses in your shoes.  Some in the military, some are apart for other reasons.  You aren’t the only one, even if it feels like it.

For more tips to get through the holidays, check out the Care.com Interview Series.  Also check out the Care.com Military Families page for a lot of great resources for Military families.

Military Care Package Resource Guide

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Military Care Package Resource Guide

 

A great article from JustMilitaryLoans.com 🙂

Military Care Package Resource Guide
With 145,000 troops on active duty in Iraq and Afghanistan1 there’s no doubt that many will feel the heartache of being away from family and loved ones during the holidays.  Here at Just Military Loans we know the value in any type of gift, but one of the most simple and profound gifts are the kind that travel a long distance.

military care packages

photo provided by Support Our Military

A Movement Starts With One Person
Katrina Pesek took the time to do this.  As a proud military wife and mother, she sent a care package to her husband during his first deployment in Iraq.  After sharing all the goodies with many of his Marines comrades, he told her the shocking news that there weren’t too many other servicemen who receive anything mostly because of high shipping costs.

This statement struck a chord with Katrina. She had just assumed, as most of us probably do, that all of our troops receive care packages. In reality, some troops go a 7-12 month deployment without receiving a package filled with some of the small comforts of home. This inspired Katrina to start her own grass roots care package effort called Support Our Military.

It all started in 2009 when she sent extra care packages to her husband which he would distribute to fellow Marines. She continued to do this while she also balanced a full-time job, a household, and family.  Over the years, with the help of her community, she has managed to send out 328 care packages to troops overseas.  Like her husband always says, “one care package means more to any deployed service man or woman, than none”.

While she never expects a response, she has received several thank you notes and e-mails from her deployed adoptees. Here is an excerpt from a note she received from a Marine stationed in Iraq:

“We live on a remote outpost 4+ hours from the nearest civilization so we have no way of buying anything and we depend heavily on mail like yours. Which comes 2-3 times a month.  In a war that doesn’t gain much public support in the U.S., it means a lot that we still get so much love from folks like you and all. You really have no idea how much of an impact you make on these Marines. You really help the time pass by and make our deployment easier.”

military care packages

What’s In A Box
Like this grateful Marine stated it’s hard to get additional supplies. Surprisingly, baby wipes are at the top of the list for most needed items. Not all of our deployed have the luxury of a bathroom or running water so baby wipes are sometimes the only means of a bath. Also, foods like cookies, snacks, canned tuna and even hot sauce are highly sought after items as they help break the MRE (meals ready to eat) cycle and offer a small reminder of home.  Click here to find the full list of Care Package Wish List.

How You Can Help
This holiday season Katrina is working on sending a little holiday cheer to our deployed with some special holiday care packages. She plans on raising funds through auctions and the sale of designer jewelry and handbags by Gorjana in order to send out as many holiday care packages as she can.

There are many ways you can get involved:  run donation drives at your place of employment, local church or school, or within your community.  If you’d like to be a part of Support Our Military’s care package effort, they are always accepting donations of wish list items or homemade items. Monetary donations are always graciously accepted as each package costs $12.95 to ship.  Visit their website for more information:  Support Our Military.

Can I Really Make it Through This Deployment?

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Can I Really Make it Through This Deployment?

Can I Really Make it Through This Deployment?

I was looking through some of the keywords that people use to come to this blog and “Can I Really Make it Through This Deployment?” came up a few times.  I want to tell these people that although it does seem hard, you can make it through.  The time before they leave can be really difficult.  You wonder what it will be like, if you can do this time alone, if you can parent alone if you can handle him being in a war zone, etc.  It is hard to know exactly what to expect, even if you have gone through one before.

You never really know how you are going to feel or what the deployment will be like.

Each one is a little different.

There have been times during all of our deployments that I just wondered how I would make it one more day.  I felt burned out and just done with everything. But somehow I was able to pick myself back up and get on with it.  Sometimes it was because of a lot of prayers, other times it was getting together with a friend and sometimes I would even have to give myself a pep talk.  A lot of tears might have been shed but that is how I got through the deployment.

I think we try to be strong and don’t think we can ever cry about what is going on.  We even hear people say we shouldn’t complain.  But some days you just have to break down. You just have to let everything all out before you can move on to the next day.  It is ok to have a bad deployment day, to have ice cream for dinner, to cry to a friend. This is all a part of getting through the months or even years alone. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Each of us handle this type of things differently and just because a friend never seems to have a bad day, it doesn’t mean you can’t or won’t.

So to those of you afraid for your first deployment and think you won’t be able to make it through, if you love your husband, if you are committed to him, then you will.  You will be able to make it through.  You will get through the X amount of months and come out stronger on the other side. You will. Sometimes it might feel like you are just getting through one day at a time. The days can feel long and frustrating. That is all apart of your journey. Try to remember that deployments don’t last forever and you will be reunited with your spouse once again and the whole crazy thing will be over. You will get to homecoming, I promise. You will be back in his arms and the deployment will be a part of your memories, for good or for bad.

What advice would you give to someone facing their first deployment?

 

* this post contains affiliate links!

Advice For Your First Deployment

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Advice For Your First Deployment

Advice For Your First Deployment

My next guest post is by a friend of mine, Jess.  She was the very first Army wife I met when we started this Army adventure. She was also my FRG leader.  I asked her to write about advice she would give someone who was getting ready for their first deployment.  Our first deployment was in 2006 and Jess was there to tell me a little bit of what to expect so I just knew this would be a great post!  Thank you Jess 🙂

Stressed? Emotional? Perhaps even a bit stand-offish? Sounds like you’ve got a deployment coming up. The bad news is your Soldier is leaving. The good news is you aren’t alone!

There is no specific way to handle a deployment, especially your first deployment. Some people take it all in stride and seem to brush off the hardship. Others seem to physically break down the second their Soldier marches away. Still others seem to change entirely and don’t seem to return to normal until their Soldier is back in their arms again. No matter which category you find yourself falling into, remember this: You are STRONG. You are CAPABLE. You CAN do this!

Just as parenting a child has no actual guidebook, deployments don’t come with magic spouse field manuals. However, let’s not speak that phrase too loudly. I’ve seen some pretty crazy things put into FM’s before. The greatest way to make it through the hardships of a deployment are to simply listen to your heart, listen to other’s advice and pray. If you feel overwhelmed, talk to someone! Believe me, there are a lot of us out there who are willing to listen and lend a hand (or a shoulder) when necessary. Don’t be afraid to ask.

One of the greatest things you can do for yourself is to set personal goals.. You don’t have to get crazy with it; the point of a goal is to be able to accomplish it. Set mini-milestones throughout to ensure you stay focused and on-target. A big favorite that I’ve seen is weight-loss/healthier lifestyles. Say you set a goal to lose 25 pounds throughout the year. Remember to start off in small increments, and celebrate each 5 pounds you are able to lose. This is a great way to have something realistic to look forward to in a relatively short time! The greatest part is-IT’S ALL YOURS! It’s very easy to lose yourself in the constant stress during a deployment. Don’t forget that your Soldier still needs you just as much as you need him/her. Take care of yourself, even while supporting your deployed loved one.

If I could offer just one last bit of advice, it would be to stay busy and not forget that the world is still going round. It’s very common to feel bad about going out and having fun while your loved one is away, but remember, you need your personal time as well. It’s ok to go catch a movie with the girls, or secure a babysitter for a few hours of pampering at the salon every now and again. You are HouseHold 6. You keep the home fires burning. You can’t take care of anyone else unless you take care of yourself first. Make yourself a priority, especially while your loved one is away. Don’t lose yourself to the chaos and stress, and always reach out if you need help. You follow a long legacy of the Silent Ranks. You can do this!

 

 

Financial checklist for soon to be deployed military members

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My next guest post is by Matt Polsky from the VA Benefit Blog.  He is going to be talking about how to prepare financially before going on a deployment.

Financial checklist for soon to be deployed military members

Horror stories of soldiers accruing debt while serving are far too numerous.  Financial preparation could lessen the nerves of the moment and save money for both the service member and his or her family. However, how does one save? And what are some last minute tips for soldiers with no emergency fund?

Things to Do Before Deployment

Military members could save a lot of money while deployed. They could even potentially end with more money than they started. How?

  1. Create an emergency fund. It is extremely difficult to put money aside. However, everyone should try their best to throw a few extra dollars every week into the bank and forget about it. This is the most effective way to meet emergencies and life-changes head on. Try paying yourself first, aim to deposit 8-10 percent of your paycheck and try to forget about it until an emergency arises.
  2. Start researching what creditors offer military members on duty. Some creditors have military discounts and forbearances. Call them to find out what a military member can do in the case of deployment. Many of them will have an answer. However, some will not want to offer any leniency. In that case, all service members leaving for active duty should utilize the protections provided under the Servicemembers’ Civil Relief Act. The law protects military members from financial burden. They can eliminate or lower income tax, credit card debts, mortgage payments and rent while on duty. For members with families, the law gives them peace of mind because banks are not allowed to evict or foreclose on a home while a service member is on duty. This law still requires the military member to give the bank or property owner and other creditors proper notice of deployment.
  3. Making small decisions lead to big savings. For example, store the car away and do not let anyone use it. Insurance companies will lower plan rates for a car not in use. Not to mention, a stored car runs no risk of repair or damage if it is not being used. Another way a small decision could save money—suspend cell phone coverage. Many mobile providers can suspend your coverage and let you keep your same number for up to 18 months and reactivate the phone upon your return. This makes perfect sense for soldiers who regularly use online phone services such as Skype as well as prepaid phone cards and email to communicate with their family and friends back home.
  4. Obtain legal protection of finances. Assigning a trusted Power of Attorney to manage accounts and budgets could help to limit big spending and protect from theft or loss while gone. It would be a nightmare to come back only to find an empty bank account.

It is important to make sure family and friends are on the same page about the actions taken to protect funds. Assure them of insurance coverage as well as the protections under SCRA. Be strict about spending and the use of personal property while away. Taking the above precautions will leave one with money in the bank as opposed to substantial debt.

Matt Polsky is a blogger associated with VA Benefit Blog, a blog focused on providing veterans and service members with current news and information on the benefits they have through serving our country.


Dinosaur Deploys

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My next guest poster is Laura from Military Word of Mouth.  She has a great idea for kids to help them through a deployment!  I know my boys would have loved something like this 🙂

Lately, I have been going through things trying to get rid of some stuff to prepare for our next move. Probably, pretty soon our landlady will be calling to let us know that someone is coming over to see the house to potentially rent for next year. While going through a bookshelf, I found one of my son’s photo albums from last year.


It’s just a small 4″x6″ album that I found at Walgreens for like a $1.00, but to him it was priceless. You see it contains photos of his dinosaur on an adventure, and not just any adventure, but an adventure with his daddy. When my husband deployed last January, my son gave my husband one of his dinosaurs to hug whenever he missed him.

So, my husband took pictures of the dinosaur on his deployment adventure and would send them to my son either by email or by snail mail.


I can not tell you how much my son loved this, but when he saw the pictures, his face would beam. He even asked if he could bring the album to show and tell to share with his friends at preschool.

Having a parent deployed is such a hard concept for a young child to understand and accept. This is such a simple way to help ease their pain, if only for a bit. If your spouse is deploying shortly, ask your child if he or she would like to share one of his/her small stuffed animals. If your spouse is already deployed consider sending it over in the next package you mail out. Have your child be the one to put it in the box so he feels like he is helping his daddy miss home a little less. If your spouse doesn’t have a camera, throw in a disposable one.

Top 25 annoying Army Deployment Questions and Comments

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Stephanie has offered a guest post to me 🙂  She blogs over at Mama Clementine!  She is a SAHM of four, been an Army Wife for 11 years and been through five deployments.  Thanks so much for the post Stephanie!

Top 25 annoying Army Deployment Questions and Comments

 

annoying Army Deployment Questions
Rakkasan  Deployment 2007
Matthew 11, Dylan 7, Lauren 5 

This morning I was reading a post over at Caffeinated Catholic Mamaof how people have lost all sense of personal-space and privacy, either because of our over sharing techno culture or maybe just a general lack of manners. She gives her wonderful list of Top annoying and prying questions from absolute strangers, Here.

While writing in her comments I was thinking that for me, being such a Counter-Culture Mama, the lists of random rude questions and offending comments from those that it just does not concern, could go on and on…ad infinitum. So, I thought for fun, I would make a small project out of several lists of obscenely annoying Questions and Comments that I have gotten from strangers, all neatly compiled into categories. 🙂
What follows is a list of my TOP 25 way too personal, yet oh so popular questions and all to common comments, that I have received during my husband’s Deployments.
      1. Oh, is your Husband Deployed ?
      2. Do you Miss Him ?
      3. Is it Hard ?
      4. Will they send Him home for the Birth ?
      5. Is it your Husband’s Baby or Jody’s ?
      6. Does your Husband know you’re pregnant ?
      7. Do you know who the Father is ?
      8. What will you do / How will you have a Baby by yourself ?
      9. Why do you have / keep having kids if he is gonna be gone so much ?
      10. Your children are so young, If he gets killed, they won’t remember him.
      11. Why do you have kids when, He could get killed anytime ?
      12. Your so Lucky you live off the government, the rest of us have to work.
      13. If you didn’t live off the government you wouldn’t be able to afford all those kids.
      14. Maybe your husband will die and you’ll get all that money.
      15. You should take out some more insurance on your husband, because he has a good chance of being killed.
      16. But, just think of all that extra money at Tax time.
      17. I don’t know how you could do that, I could never let my Husband do that.
      18. (My Sister-in-laws fave way of relating to me)…I know just how you feel, my Husband was out of Town, on the road, for two weeks last month !
      19. How can you be Faithful for 15 months ?
    annoying Army Deployment Questions
    Deployment 2003
    Dylan 2yrs

    20. Do you worry about your Husband cheating on you ?

    21.  You don’t think your Husband will wait a whole year do you ?

    22.  Don’t you all just sleep around with each others Husbands anyway ?

    23.  So, has your Husband Killed anybody yet ?

    24.  You could have gotten out / why would he stay in / It’s his fault he is Deploying / So he’s getting out after this right ?

    25.  Using up my time by going on a long rant about how you feel about the war and whether or not we should be “Over-There”

    ….and the  ***** Extra Credit Bonus*****

    So Wow, it is Just like Army Wives on The    T.V. Show