Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Military Life

The Joys of the Modern Military Spouse Life

by 1 Comment

The Joys of the Modern Military Spouse Life

Thank goodness for grocery delivery. It’s a blessing! Not only for myself but for all the parents with small children, going through a deployment, who loathe having to take their kids to the grocery store with them.

I have been there so many times. Put the baby in my baby carrier, put a toddler in the cart, hoping they won’t open anything, and make your older child walk beside you. Going to a grocery store with all your kids is a big chore. And it isn’t very fun.

But, thanks to modern life, you no longer have to if you don’t want to. Your spouse can be deployed for a year and you might never have to attempt the grocery store with kids the whole time they are gone.

This got me thinking, what else is different about being a military spouse today, versus in the past? What else has changed to make life a little easier for us? What should we celebrate, even in the midst of hard deployment days?

Communication

Communication has changed so much. Way back in World War II, the only way my grandparents communicated with each other was through letters on paper, sent across the ocean in the mail, only to be delivered weeks later. I have some of these letters and they really are so sweet to read, but just imagining that those letters were it, as far as communication went, is hard to wrap my mind around.

We can get frustrated when we can’t talk to our spouse all the time, but at least we can talk to them, on the phone, in real time. Or we can video chat. Or even send an email.

Even during my time as a military spouse things have changed. During our first two deployments, if my husband called, he called our house phone and would have to leave a message if I wasn’t home. These days, I basically carry him in my pocket if he is away from home.

And amazing as all this communication is, I think when we can’t communicate this way, we can get even more frustrated. We expect to talk every day, text every day, communicate every day, and when we can’t, that can be frustrating.

Try to remember how things used to be and how far we have come, even if you are going a few days without talking to your spouse.

Social Media

Back in the day, you made friends in person. Only in person. If you moved somewhere new, you couldn’t join a community ahead of time online. There was no online.

When I was 16 years old, my dad came home with a free trial of CompuServe. This was my very first experience with the internet. Of being on a computer, and connecting with other, real people, in other parts of the country, and even the world. My mind was blown.

These days, I carry that technology in my pocket. I am closer to some friends I met online than to some of my family members, simply because of social media. If a friend moves away, we can still easily keep in touch, and I talk over text with my best friend all day long.

Social media has really changed everything and there is no turning back. And while there are some issues with social media in general, social media can help me make friends, stay connected with the people I care about and learn more about any subject I am interested in.

Social media is life changing, and for us military spouses, a way to really connect with others, in ways we otherwise might not be able to.

Military Spouse Culture

Military spouse culture has also changed over the years. You no longer have to be a stay at home mom, just because your spouse joined the military. You no longer have to fit in a specific box.

You can figure out ways to work on your own career while your spouse is working on theirs. While there is still so much that can be done, military spouse employment can still be a huge issue, we have come a long way.

In addition to the military spouse employment issues, military spouses are more diverse than they have ever been before. We don’t all fit into the same mold. Not every military spouse is a woman and not every military spouse is married to a man. There is no one way to be a military spouse, all that is required is to love a service member.

We can be nostalgic about the past, sometimes those years can seem so romantic or easier than our modern life, but there is something to the way technology has changed, and the way people are treated, that makes me excited to be a military spouse in today’s world.

Even in the 13 years I have been a military spouse, things have changed. Through the little things, my life has become a little bit easier. And that is something to be excited about.

What is your most favorite modern convenience when it comes to your military spouse life?

When Military Life is New

by Leave a Comment

When Military Life is New

When military life is new, everything thing seems so strange.

You learn quickly that nothing really makes sense the way you think it should make sense. You learn quickly that patience is going to be needed. You learn quickly that some days are going to get you pretty frustrated and there will be nothing you can do about the situation but wait.

And there will be a lot of waiting…

Waiting on orders. Waiting on people. Waiting for something good to actually happen.

There will be a lot of wondering…

Wondering where you will live. Wondering what a deployment will be like. Wondering if this new life will be as difficult as you think it might be.

As you join this new community, you can’t help but meet new people, from all over the country, even from different parts of the world.

You will make friends with some of them, and some of those friends will turn into family, as you get through deployments and separations together, making memories along the way.

You will learn new skills, and apply them to new situations. You will figure out how to get a house ready for the movers with only two-weeks notice. You will figure out how to pull everything together when at first you didn’t think you could.

When military life is new, you can get pretty worried about deployments.

Before your first one, you might assume that being away from your significant other is too difficult. You might assume that you are not strong enough to get through the time away. But you will find that you are strong enough and that you can do hard things, even things you didn’t think were possible.

There will be homecomings and celebrations. You will sometimes think about how different your life is now, and all the amazing experiences you have gained from it. There will be good days and bad ones.

And as one deployment comes to an end, you will feel the confidence that you can do anything that comes your way. There might be bumps in the road, but you will get creative and figure out how to best go forward.

When military life is new, unknown words can confuse you.

You might not know the MWR from the DFAC, but you will soon figure these military acronyms out. At the same time, after 15 years you might hear phrases and still don’t know what they mean. This is all a part of this life.

You will figure out the right times to go to the Commissary, and how to tip the baggers. You will figure out if the PX is worth shopping at, and what events are worth going to. You will learn about your FRG and decide how much you want to be a part of that.

You will learn about OPSEC and PERSEC and TRICARE. You will figure out what to say and what not to say. What you put out there on social media, especially about a deployment matters.

When military life is new, you will daydream about going off to Europe, Hawaii, and Japan.

You will soon learn that you might end up in Texas, Alabama, and the desert of California. There really are so many different options for a military career. And you don’t always get a say in the matter.

And wherever you PCS to, you will figure out how to bloom where you are stationed, and find the good in a place you might not want to be. You will get to explore places you never thought you would ever go. You will have to leave your comfort zone, but find amazing things when you do.

And when it comes time to leave, to PCS somewhere new, you might not want to go. You might want to stay forever. But you know this isn’t possible and you know it will be time to move on.

When military life is new, you will soon learn how much this military life will surprise you.

From the amazing friends that you will meet!

To the places you will get to go!

To the love you will feel at every homecoming, and all the little moments this life brings.

If you are new to this life, welcome. Being a military spouse can be such a wonderful thing. While some days will be harder than others, know that you have joined an amazing community. Know that you have people to walk this life with, no matter what this life brings.

How long have you been a military spouse?

9 Military Spouse Memes for Your Military Spouse Life

by 1 Comment

Whether you are a brand new military spouse, or have been one for a long time, military life can be quite the unique experience. From deployments, to pcsing across the country, you might never know what is just around the corner. Sometimes you have to have a sense of humor about everything military life brings.

9 Military Spouse Memes for Your Military Spouse Life

Here are 9 military spouse memes for your military spouse life:

Military Spouse Memes

I know for myself, when I was feeling sad during a deployment, I would try to picture homecoming and remind myself that the end of the deployment would come and he would be in my arms again.

Military Spouse Memes

What is it with Murphy’s law and deployments? Our last deployment, the AC broke and my kid stuck a rock in his ear, all within the first 24 hours. No fun!

Military Spouse Memes

Some people get PCS orders over a year in advance, some don’t and still don’t know with only a few months to go. Has that ever happened to you?

Military Spouse Memes

It’s true, if you can find good friends at your duty station, your time there will be much better.

Military Spouse Memes

100%! Military spouses want to attend events but if they don’t have anyone to watch their kids, they can’t go. When planning military spouse events, please keep this in mind so more can attend 🙂

Military Spouse Memes

Sometimes during deployments, you have to do what you can do to get through, and pizza might just become your best friend.

If you are new, you might not know what many of these words mean, but don’t worry, you will learn quickly and will become very familiar with military life lingo.

Military Spouse Memes

If you have more than one child, chances are they were all born in different places.

Military Spouse Memes

It can sometimes be hard to be okay with where you are stationed because of factors such as weather if you are not used to it, but you get through those challenges and come out stronger through it all.

Enjoy these military spouse memes and read more about military life here on the blog 🙂

Where Does the Modern Military Spouse Fit In?

by 3 Comments

Where Does the Modern Military Spouse Fit In?

My husband joined the military back in 2005. These were heavy Iraq and Afghanistan days. Deployments were long and the breaks between were way too short. This was my intro to military life, and the years following shaped me into who I am today.

I was also a SAHM. Choosing to be home vs working on my career, at least for the first few years. We were stationed in Germany and at the time, I just wanted to be home with my boys. However, it was in that environment where I gave birth to this blog, which has led me to my career as a freelance writer.

This type of job fits in easily with military life. We no longer move, but if we did, if we had to be stationed somewhere else, I could take my career with me, as many of my active duty spouse friends do. So many spouses have made their careers work through military life, working on their own dreams within the crazy that this life brings.

During my early years as a military spouse, I was surrounded by the military pretty much 24/7. I depended on them for everything it seemed. From the schools my son went to, to where I bought groceries, to where I got my mail. We lived and breathed it.

There were FRG meetings, and balls to attend, and military events. So many of the spouses I met along the way were SAHMs or those who worked part-time. This fits in well with the military culture which seems to assume that if a service member is married, their spouse is at home, tending to everything they can’t.

But times change. People change. And I am not sure as many military spouses are choosing to stay home. I am not sure as many military spouses want to give up a career for their service member. If their spouse wants to join the military, they expect to be able to keep their own career path, and I don’t think that is asking too much.

The military needs to figure out how to embrace the modern military spouse. Yes, some spouses will still want to be stay-at-home parents, and that is totally fine, but if a spouse chooses not to be, can their service member still serve? Will they just walk away?

What about the FRG? Run by so many volunteers. How will that structure change with the needs of the modern military? What can be done to take that burden off of the military spouse volunteer and still provide the services that military communities need?

Will the military put money behind any of this? Will they care or just assume that things will always stay the same? Will they just assume that even within the modern military there are enough military spouses to fill in those gaps?

Age is another factor. More people are waiting longer to get married. How does this impact the military community? How will this shape the future of military culture?

I am not sure what needs to be done but taking the spouse’s career path in mind is important. Maybe making the norm of being at one duty station 5 years instead of 3 would be a great start? That would allow the spouse to put down some roots, at least for a time. I just have to believe there is more that can be done.

I know I am not the only one who has thought about the future of the military and the military spouse. There is a lot that needs to be done. There is a lot that needs to change. But the question is, with those who have the power to change things work to do so?

What do you think needs to be changed about the military in general to reflect a more modern military culture???

For the Military Spouse Who Can’t Go Home For Christmas

by Leave a Comment

For the Military Spouse Who Can't Go Home For Christmas

I get commissions for purchases made through some of the links in this post.

When we first got married we decided that we would switch off each holiday. One year we would spend Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with his. Then the next year we would switch.

This worked well for three years. Then we moved and my husband joined the Army and that schedule went out the window. Among other things that changed when we became a military family.

As a military spouse, you sometimes have to let go of what you thought your life would look like. And that includes how you spend your holidays. One year your spouse might be deployed, and the next you could be PCSing from one part of the country to another. Your plans have to be flexible.

This year, however, we don’t have to feel as alone. This year, during a pandemic, everyone is being told to stay put. Everyone is being told to not travel during the holidays. We aren’t the only ones having to change the way we do things during this time of year.

A little bit of the pressure you might normally feel has been lifted, at least for 2020. Maybe you were dreading the long drive back home, or maybe the cost of airline tickets was hurting your pocketbook.

There are many reasons why going home for Christmas can be hard for military families. But at least this year, staying in your own home is more normal. At least this year, it is a lot more understandable to the civilian world why you would not be traveling around the holidays.

During a normal year, you still might feel like you just want to stay in your own home. Your spouse may be deployed, and the idea of traveling across the country with three kids is just too much. You might have just moved into a new home, and want to set up there instead of leaving everything to spend the holidays in someone else’s home.

Not being able to go home for Christmas can be emotional, no matter the reason. And this year, even more so. But even if that is what you have planned to do, you can still feel a bit disappointed by it.

You might miss the way you always got together with relatives for Christmas Eve. You might miss the last-minute holiday shopping you would do with your sister, or how you would bake Christmas cookies with your grandma and cousins.

If you can’t go home for Christmas this year, know you are not alone. So many families are staying local, and not traveling. So many families are having to pivot and change the way they do the holidays.

The good news is, there are so many things you can do from your very own home. Start some new traditions and enjoy the time you have together. Make the holidays the way you want them to be, after all, you are in your own home, and you can do exactly that.

Are you overseas? Try to incorporate some of the traditions from the country you are in. You can then take them back with you when you move back to the US.

Embrace not having to travel during the busiest travel days of the year. Think about how your children will have memories of waking up in their own beds on Christmas morning. We have been doing this for years, and I LOVE that my kids will have memories of waking up in their own homes and coming downstairs to see the Christmas magic.

You can’t always go home for Christmas and that is okay. You can still have a special Christmas filled with happy memories and moments with your own family. And you might find that being in your own home is exactly where you want to be for the holiday season.

Do you usually go home for Christmas? What will you be doing this year?

You Know You Are a Military Spouse When…

by Leave a Comment

You Know You Are a Military Spouse When…

Military spouse life is a unique experience. Whether you are stationed overseas in places like Japan or Germany, stationed in the US, or as a spouse of a National Guard or Reserves member.

The military life is one filled with highs and lows, twists and turns, unexpected blessings and unfortunate disappointments.

The the truth is, as a military community we can relate to many shared experiences. Here are a few of them:

You know you are a military spouse when…

You know your spouse’s social more than your own. You hardly have to use yours.

You cringe when your spouse comes home with “news”. Is it good news or bad news or what? Just tell me!

You know you have to avoid the Commissary on paydays and yet you find yourself there anyway. Whatcha gonna do?

You have friends in Bahrain, Japan, Germany, and England. And think it would be lovely if you could visit all of them but it might never happen because you are stuck in Kentucky.

You have a radar for all things “free childcare”.

You never want to write your dates in pen because they always seem to change, especially when it comes to leave dates.

You love that there is an amazing Walt Disney World discount but you just pray leave dates don’t change so you can make the trip.

You get tired of people asking if you will be coming home for Christmas because you don’t even know where you will be stationed in December and if that would mean a three-hour car ride or $4000 in plane tickets.

You have three children and they were all born in different continents.

You dream of going to Europe but the military sent you to New York instead.

Tricare is your friend and worst enemy.

Your living room looks like camo threw up all over it when your spouse is getting ready for deployment or other trainings.

You know the care package deal like the back of your hand, and can juggle a package, a toddler, and a baby, while in line at the post office.

You have your drill weekend traditions down to a science. So much so, that when drill weekend dates change, you aren’t sure if you are happy he will be home or a little disappointed your plans will have to wait.

You move so often, you have a specific list of tasks you know you have to do, and you get started on it immediately.

A business asks you for your zip code and you have to think a minute about which one to give them.

You accidentally give the gate guard your gym membership card and have to laugh at the silly joke they make to you about it.

You spend many of your holidays with friends because traveling home with three kids is a lot when your spouse is deployed.

You know you belong to a community of other spouses that overall are willing to support you and help you on your military life journey.

7 Ways to Enjoy the Holidays Even if Your Spouse is Deployed This Year

by Leave a Comment

7 Ways to Enjoy the Holidays Even if Your Spouse is Deployed This Year

If your spouse is going to be deployed during the holidays, it can feel like you have been punched in the gut. They will miss out on so much. Putting up the tree, figuring out the gifts, and taking trips to see Santa. When they are deployed, they have to miss all of that.

And you worry. You worry about their safety, but also wonder how they will enjoy the holiday. Will they be able to feel loved? Will your care package make a difference?

It is hard for everyone, but like anything else, time doesn’t stop, and you still need to figure out how you will celebrate the holidays while they are deployed.

Sure, you can ignore some of that stuff, make it simple, save the rest for later. But you can also still enjoy the holidays even if your spouse is gone. Here are 7 ideas!

1) Plan to get together with friends!

It might seem obvious, but as a military spouse, your friends are going to be able to fill in some gaps here. Plan to get together.

Have a gift exchange, get together and make cookies, and if you are all going to be in town for the holidays, spend the actual day together. It will make it so much better!

2) Go somewhere

If you can, go visit family. Can’t do that? Plan a vacation.

This will look different for everyone, depending on whether you have kids or not, what your budget is, and even how much you like to travel. But going somewhere else during the holidays can build you up, allow you to make some amazing memories, and get you out of your comfort zone.

3) Put the kid in charge

Why not let them lead your celebrations? What do they want to do? What sounds fun? If you have kids, involve them in the decorating and in how you will celebrate. You don’t have to run the whole show.

4) Volunteer

There are a lot of local organizations that need extra help during the holidays. From warming shelters to Toys for Tots. See what is out there in your community, and start signing up for things. Some are even kid-friendly.

5) Trying different traditions

With the holidays being different this year, consider trying new traditions. You might be overseas for the holidays and can embrace some of your host country’s traditions. Create new and different memories and traditions that you can share with your spouse once they return.

6) Make plans for after

They can’t be here for the holidays, but they are coming home in March? Make plans for after they return. Plan something special and something to look forward to.

It doesn’t even have to be holiday-related, but it will help you focus on that instead of the fact that they are missing Christmas or other holidays. Having fun things to look forward to can help brighten everyone’s mood.

7) It won’t always be this way

Remember that each year will be different. They won’t always miss Christmas. They won’t always be so far away. And you never know what the next year might bring.

7 Ways to Enjoy the Holidays Even if Your Spouse is Deployed This Year

Twas the Night Before Christmas For the Military Spouse

by

Twas the Night Before Christmas For the Military Spouse

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, no one was stirring, except one military spouse.

She knew what tonight was but wasn’t feeling the cheer; her husband of 12 years was simply not here.

He was serving his country on deployment #4; she simply couldn’t wait until April, when he would walk through the door.

Her kids were in bed, excited for the morning; they didn’t want to go despite her stern warning.

She looked at a picture taken last year when he was home beside her, and she didn’t have much to fear.

But this year was different, and he was far away, but she still wanted to try to have a wonderful Christmas day.

She put on some music, and finished her last chore, she loved her sweet family, down to the core.

Christmas was special and a time to love, and she would get through this deployment, with help from above.

Her husband was deployed, and that made her sad, but thinking of her children Christmas morning made her heart very glad.

She turned out the light and headed to bed, loving the lights of the tree, both green and red.

As hard as it was, she found her inner strength; she could handle this deployment, no matter the length.

Solo parenting was hard, and she hated missing him, but she knew in the end, it wasn’t so grim.

She had her friends and her children by her side and would take this deployment day by day, even if she sometimes cried.

Because one day in April, would be homecoming day, and she would load up her children in her van, not a sleigh.

And they would head to the gym, where they would need to wait, with the other spouses and children on this very important date.

As a military spouse, we can spend Christmas alone, but we do what we can to warm up our home.

She would spot him right away, standing in the crowd, and when it was time they would run to him proud.

So if you are a military spouse, with your love far away, I want you to know you will get through Christmas Day.

It might not be exactly like before, but Christmas has magic you just can’t ignore.

Merry Christmas to all and know that it’s true, you got this military spouse, you absolutely do.