Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Military Life

When You Didn’t Expect to Become a Military Spouse and Now Here You Are

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spouse joins the military after marriage

When Your Spouse Joins the Military After Marriage

We were standing in a circle, and he was talking about his time in Egypt. I thought that was pretty amazing. I had only ever been to Mexico before, and this guy had been to Egypt. He also talked a bit about his time in the Army. I thought that was pretty cool, too. He had served for a few years in the late 90s. It was now 2001, and he had been home for quite a few years.

We started dating soon after that. I learned more about him and his time in the Army. He told me about being stationed at Ft Drum, his roommate, and his 6 months in Egypt.

In 2002, we got married.

In 2004, we had a baby and moved to Kentucky.

How Everything Changed After the Military

2005? Well, that changed everything. In November of 2005, my husband re-enlisted in the Army and everything changed.

You see, when we got married in 2002, I was marrying my husband, who had served in the Army. I didn’t marry an active duty soldier.

I know I am not alone. While plenty of military spouses married their spouses while they were serving, some of us did not. We had civilian weddings and years with a civilian spouse. For a lot of us, the first time our service member was away from us for an extended period of time was several years into our marriage.

My husband and I had been married for three years, three months, and about three days before he left for Germany, starting our military life adventure. When I think back to that time before the Army, I am amazed that life was like that. Back then, I didn’t know what it meant to go through a deployment. I couldn’t tell you what PCS, MWR, or DEERS were. I knew what a military installation was; I had been on one before, but I never saw it as my home.

Looking back, his re-joining the military made so much sense. The Army is a part of who he is. I married a soldier, and I didn’t even know it. The military was and is in his blood.

So to the military spouse who didn’t marry a service member, know that you actually did.

There was always a part of him or her that wanted to serve, even if they never talked about it. With your spouse joining the military, you will be starting a new chapter of your married life. You will look back at the pre-military years and feel how different they will be from the military ones. The years you have spent building up your marriage will help you through the deployments, through the moves, and all the challenges that come with military life.

To you, the idea of becoming a military spouse might feel pretty scary. You might never have imagined yourself going down this road. You might have assumed you would spend all of your married years just 20 minutes from where you grew up and now you’re headed to Germany.

So, if your spouse joins the military after marriage, things will change a lot from how you originally thought they would go. You might think they would get home from work every day at 5 pm, just like your dad did, and now you are learning what 24-hour duty is like. You might have pictured the love of your life by you for every birth, just like he was with your oldest child, realizing he won’t be home from his deployment until your second baby is four months old.

So, to you, military spouse, the military might not have been a part of your future plans, but being a military spouse is your life now, and there will be ups and downs.

There will be days your soldier walks through the door and seeing him in his uniform will take your breath away. There will be days when you get in the car to pick up your airman with butterflies you hadn’t felt since the week you met.

There will be days when you will miss your marine so much that you will laugh at the time you thought you were going to lose it because you visited your best friend and you were away from him for the weekend pre-military. There will be days when you will watch your sailor get promoted and know deep down that he is finally in the perfect career, even though it took years to figure that out.

When your spouse joins the military after marriage, you may feel a bit scared and overwhelmed. I know I certainly did. But you will not have to go through this life alone. There are a lot of other military spouses you can connect with both off and online. There is support out there and ways of dealing with the challenges of military life.

How long were you married before your spouse joined the military?

spouse joins the military after marriage

12 Memes About Military Kids

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April is the month of the military child!

A month to celebrate and recognize military children and teens. Their lives might be different from those of other kids, but they are resilient and can benefit from military life too. Military life is filled with ups and downs, but these kids are right there beside us as we navigate this life ourselves.

Let’s celebrate these kids with some memes about military kids that will have you nodding along, “I totally get it, too.”

12 Memes About Military Kids
Military children

It’s hard to plan when you don’t know where you will be living in a few years.

Military children

Yep, sometimes with these kids, cereal is the best thing to serve for dinner.

Military children

This really is one of the hardest parts. You need to be there to comfort your child when they are missing their mom or dad so badly. At the same time, you are hurting too.

Military children

Yes! Love those Daddy Dolls!

Military children

Now wouldn’t that solve so many problems?

Military children

The new school year at a new school can be pretty scary.
Be there for your child as they start and go through the process of making friends again.

Military children

A week isn’t too long for the military child that is used to having to wait a lot longer.

Military children

Yep! Each of my kids was born in a different place!

Military children

Seriously! When you have to go months and months without family time, you know how special it really is.

Military children

Yep! Such is the life of the military brat.

Military children

Yep, even grosser than a dirty diaper.

Military Children

And when Mom or Dad gets home from the deployment, the kids will get their parent back and there will be nothing but smiles. Seeing them together after so much time apart is a wonderful feeling.

As you make your way through this military life, your kids will be there right alongside you. Be there for them and help them through any struggles they face. Keep them busy when your spouse is away and make memories together, even if someone is missing. They will enjoy talking about the fun they had with your deployed spouse. Remind them that they, too, serve and that they are blessed to be the children of those who have signed up to serve their country.

12 Memes About Military Kids

The Pressure to Be the “Strong One” in Military Life

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The Pressure to Be the “Strong One” in Military Life

The pressure to be strong as a military spouse can show up in ways we don’t always talk about. As military spouses, we sometimes feel like we have to be the strong ones all the time. That we have to keep it together as much as possible, and that we can never break down and admit defeat.

Cultural expectations within the community

Within the military community, it can be very easy to assume others are doing well, acting strong, and that there is something wrong with you if you don’t feel the same. People have busy schedules and may have a smile on their face. However, we need to remember that there may be more going on beneath the surface.

Social media comparisons

We turn to social media, which, in some ways, can be a great place to find support, but we also see all the great things people are doing. We see everyone’s highlight reel. We see the good and not as much of the bad. It can be easy to assume that everyone else has it together when we don’t.

What strength actually looks like

The truth is, strength doesn’t just look like happy smiling faces and put-together schedules. Strength comes in many forms. From the mom who prays for her husband and children each and every night, to the mom of the service member who wonders when she will get to see her little boy again. From the women who work together to plan a 100-day party, to those behind the scenes, looking for ways to fit in a bit more.

Military life is hard, and as military spouses, we can find ourselves stressing out about pretty much anything. The pressure to be strong as a military spouse is there, making us feel like we have to be strong 100% of the time.

Remember, military spouse life is a journey. There will be ups and downs. Days you feel strong, and days you might need more encouragement.

Find what works for you, make plans, make friends, and remember… being strong can look different for each person. Try not to compare yourself; instead, focus on building a life that supports you through the ups and downs of military life.

The Pressure to Be the “Strong One” in Military Life

It’s Been 20 Years Since I Boarded a Plane to Germany and Started My Army Wife Life

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It's Been 20 Years Since I Boarded a Plane to Germany and Started My Army Wife Life

Heading to Germany to Start My Army Wife Life

March, 2006. My 18-month-old son and I got on an airplane at the St. Louis airport, after saying goodbye to my mom, not knowing when I would see her again. We were headed to Germany, and she had come out to help me with the last few steps before we could make our way across the ocean.

The previous November, my husband of three years had re-joined the military and headed over to Germany. We were due to join him shortly after, but the military being the military, it took us about 4.5 months to do so.

What is This New Life?

I remember being on post soon after arriving, watching a group of soldiers march by and thinking, “Wow, this is really our life now, isn’t it?” It was surreal at first. We had completely changed our lives. Army wife life meant my husband went from being home by 5 every workday to being deployed for 15 months. Solo parenting hit me hard. And we were now in a completely different country.

As the years went by, we experienced new and different things. Some good, like making friends during the more difficult times, to visiting other places and countries. Some bad, like a deployment extension, and having to navigate special needs parenting all by myself.

It's Been 20 Years Since I Boarded a Plane to Germany and Started My Army Wife Life

Life is Different Now in the Veteran Years

Today, my husband is a veteran. The military years are in our past, and sometimes I can hardly believe it. The military was so much a part of our lives for so many years. But time marched on. One year became two, became ten, became 20.

As I look back, it feels, in some ways, like a dream. For so long, a deployment was always in our future. For so long, the military had so much say. For so long, it seemed that it would never end. That it would always be this way.

Do I miss military life? Parts of it. I sure do.

It's Been 20 Years Since I Boarded a Plane to Germany and Started My Army Wife Life

Other parts? Not so much. But going through all that made me the person I am today.

The Military Community Can Help Each Other Out

So whether you just started your military spouse journey, or have been in this life for a while. Whether your spouse just retired or retired ages ago. One thing is true: we are all a part of the military spouse community.

Those of us who have come before can help support those going through it now. We can help each other out.

Military life isn’t easy. But it is a journey. One with ups and downs. If you are going through a difficult time right now, know you have the support of those who have gone before you. Those who can offer a hug and an encouraging note. You got this. You really do.

Here at Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life, you can find support no matter what branch your spouse is in. You can find posts about deployment, PCSing, or anything else military life throws at you. You can find encouraging stories in the new Military Spouse Spotlight section. And if you, military spouse, ever want to share your own story? Fill out my Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life Guest Post Form.

12 Ways to Know You Have Been a Military Spouse for a Really Long Time

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I used to be the brand new spouse. The whole military thing was all new to me. I can remember standing on post as a group of soldiers walked by and telling myself, wow, this is really my life now. It was surreal at the time, but now it wouldn’t phase me.

But over the years, I have grown, learned, and moved from a brand new military spouse to a more seasoned one.

And wow, I have learned a lot!

Do you feel like you are a seasoned spouse too? Here is how you know you have been a military spouse for a really long time…:)

#1 You know what all those three-letter words mean. MWR, DoD, TDY, and MOS to name a few. And then, just when you think you have them all memorized, you discover a new one. Those military acronyms always keep you on your toes.

#2 You hear someone hasn’t spoken to their spouse in 24 hours and you think back to your first deployment when you would go weeks without a word.

#3 You don’t start really looking into a new duty station until orders are in hand. Just because they say you are moving somewhere doesn’t mean it will happen.

#4 You no longer write in pen. You have been burned in the past and wonder what took you so long to invest in some really nice pencils.

#5 You know those deployment dates are really just suggestions. Both the coming and the going. They can and do change at any time.

#6 Your family knows the drill. No, you don’t know when you can visit again. No, you can’t tell them when they are coming home from the deployment. No, you don’t know when you will be moving back to the States.

#7 You know that being due with a baby doesn’t mean your spouse will be able to come home early from a deployment. That is a hard pill to swallow, but it’s the truth. Military spouses do give birth without their spouse by their side.

#8 You avoid the Commissary on payday at all costs. It’s not worth waiting in line for 3 hours. I am only kind of kidding about that.

#9 You have a PCS system down. You know how to make your to-do list and your moving day schedule and put it all together in a PCS binder. Or maybe you don’t because you don’t use one because you have done this 100 times.

#10 You have friends all over the world. Yes, quite literally, across the globe.

#11 You know pre-deployment will be stressful, and you know post-deployment will be too. But when you are headed to pick up your spouse after a deployment, you still get butterflies.

#12 You know who Murphy is, and you hate him. You never invite him in, but he always shows up. You are never surprised.

Military life is filled with ups and downs, good times and bad. We have to laugh about it sometimes and power through others. Taking the journey, one day at a time.

When You Can’t Control Military Life: Learning to Let Go

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When You Can’t Control Military Life: Learning to Let Go

It can sometimes feel like we have so little control over our lives as military spouses. We might not get a say during a PCS, but we definitely don’t get a say during deployments. And we may have to put our careers on hold or pivot in a way we never would have thought.

Coping with lack of control as a military spouse means learning to live in the space between orders, uncertainty, and the life you’re trying to build anyway. And while this isn’t easy, it is a great skill to learn.

When the Orders Change

We know that orders might change, but that doesn’t mean it is easy when it happens. We can get excited about certain orders or certain plans. But then they change. The best thing to do is to remind yourself that this can happen and plan accordingly, and always write in your planner in pencil.

Learning to live with uncertainty

The truth is, military life is learning about how to live with uncertainty. It is about learning to pivot and being okay with change. It is not holding too tightly to things, but also being able to plan between the messiness of this life.

It’s Okay to Get Frustrated

It’s also okay to get frustrated about all of this. It is okay to wonder if you and your spouse should have some serious talks about how long they will serve for. It is okay to be annoyed about it all. But it is also best to figure out how to move forward rather than sit in the sadness of it all.

Look for Opportunities

You will need to look for opportunities within military life. They are out there. Maybe that means learning a new skill during a deployment, or getting to know a duty station you didn’t think you would like. Maybe it means getting creative or stepping out of your comfort zone.

At the end of the day, we will not be able to control as much as we could if we were not married to a service member, but we can still work on our own goals. We might have to let certain things go, but we can also find a good balance between the military and our own lives.

If you are new to military life, all of this can feel overwhelming. It can feel as if you don’t have any control over your life. But coping with a lack of control as a military spouse and finding your way will remind you that you are more capable than you think you are.

It’s Okay Military Spouse, It’s Really Okay, I Have Been There

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It's Okay Military Spouse, It's Really Okay, I Have Been There

In November, I will hit 15 years of being a military spouse. 15 years! That seems so hard to believe sometimes, other times…it feels like I have been living this life so much longer.

Some years are easier than others. Some years have more separations than others. Some years just feel so much more difficult than others.

But there have also been so many good memories over the years. I have met so many amazing people. I am thankful for all that I have been able to experience from this life.

Often times it can feel like military life is dragging us down. That we would be so much better off if our spouse found another career. That we shouldn’t even be in this position or that we are not strong enough to make it through.

But I think one of the things that helps through all of this is knowing that you are not going through any of this alone. That there are other military spouses who have been through it all too. And that we can all learn from one another.

It’s okay Military Spouse, it’s really okay and I have been there.

I have waited months and months to see my husband because of paperwork.

I have given birth without my husband in the same country.

I have missed best friends getting married and having babies because of the Army.

I have had to say goodbye to my husband more than once not knowing if I would ever see him again and if I did if he would be the same person I married.

I have had to watch as friends got that knock. The one that changed their lives forever.

I have had to watch friends as the husband they loved and adored become a completely different person because of PTSD and decided he no longer wanted to be with them or their children anymore.

I have said goodbye to friends that have become like family to me and know I might not ever see them again.

I have had to sit and wonder during a blackout knowing that my husband was probably okay but also not knowing why the blackout was going on.

I have sat with a group of wives while our children played and we tried to figure out how we would get through the next 3-4 months of a deployment that was supposed to have ended the month before.

I have been through the lonely nights, the jealousy of knowing our civilian friends have never had to go longer than a few days without their spouses, of being mom and dad to the children, of comforting sad kids that just want their Dad at a soccer game.

I have had to tell my children that our vacation was canceled because their dad got called up to go somewhere for a few weeks instead.

I have been through it and although it made me a stronger person, I do wonder what I would be like if I hadn’t had to deal with all of this. I wonder if some of my struggles and issues are because of the years of war and I am not really sure what I can do with all of that.

Because life as a military spouse is up and down…

Because life as a military spouse is so much harder than anyone could ever predict…

Because life as a military spouse can be so full of surprises, and some of those can knock you off your feet.

So if you as a Military spouse need to cry and vent, if you need to go home for a while, if you need to see a counselor, if you just need a friend who gets it, I understand. I totally understand. I have been there.

We have each other to lean on, we have each other to learn from. We have each other to vent with, and we have each other to get through this life with.

And although some days are harder than others, the truth is, we all fell in love with someone who wants to serve their country. And deep down we know that this is where we are supposed to be.

How long have you been a military spouse?

The Scary News of War, As a Military Spouse

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The Scary News of War, As a Military Spouse

By now, I am sure you have heard the news that the US and Israel have attacked Iran. And with that comes a lot of horrifying updates. And the question, what does that mean for us? For the military? For those overseas?

It Can Be Scary

It can be scary. So so scary. Not knowing. Knowing. Wondering. Crying. As military spouses, we often struggle to find our footing. We don’t know what to expect.

War is a scary word!

If you are a seasoned or veteran spouse, you probably have experience with deployments to Iraq and Afghanistan. You know what a season of war looks like. You remember how scary it all was.

It is Hard to Make Sense of It All

It is also hard to make sense of it all. You ask yourself, is this what we should be doing? Is America in the right? And if they are not, what do we do as military spouses? How do we view everything going on?

And as we hear more, we pray. We pray for our country. We pray for our service member. We pray for everyone in harm’s way. And then we wonder. Will our prayers help? Will anything help? 

We hear this is the beginning of WW3. Is it? What does that mean for a military family? And if it isn’t? If it is something else? What does that look like?

There Are So Many Unknowns

The truth is, there are so many unknowns. When it comes to military action, it can be hard to understand what will happen next. 

Although what is happening now is new, war is not. The threat of war is not. Worry about war is not. 

I have been there before. What happens in the news deeply affects military families, and this is no exception. It’s scary. It’s overwhelming. It can feel unjust.

So Many Questions

You ask yourself, will this extend his deployment? Will this mean she won’t join us at our new duty station right now? Will I ever get to see him? 

It is hard to know what it all means for the military community. It is hard to take a breath and believe it will all be okay. Because when your loved ones are the literal boots on the ground. You can’t relax. Your hope is gone.

All you see ahead is the reality of war.

War is Always Messy

So, to the military spouse or military family member reading this, I can’t tell you that everything will turn out okay. I don’t even know what okay looks like. War is always messy. 

But I can tell you something I know is true. The military community comes together every time. They always have because we are the ones who understand each other.

We are the ones who understand what it means to send the love of our lives off to war. We are the ones who understand the uncertainty and fear that come with any military action. 

Remember, You Are Not Alone

So, when you watch the news and don’t know what to think, when fear creeps in, remember that you are not alone. There is a whole military spouse community out there going through the same thing with you. Through the good and the bad. Through the scary and through the stuff that gives us hope.

Always remember that. 

The Scary News of War, As a Military Spouse