Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Military Life

Importance of Your Mental Health 

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Happy to have this guest post by Heather! Want to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life? Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know! I take pieces on anything milspouse related, from deployment tips to duty station reviews.

Importance of Your Mental Health 

Taking care of yourself can look different for each person. Maybe you show self-care by getting your nails done, taking a girl’s trip, or simply taking a warm bubble bath with no interruptions (if that’s possible). Each of us finds something to help relieve our frustrations or stress the best that we can and the best that we know how. Regardless of what you choose to do, taking care of yourself and your mental health should be a top priority. 

Here are some tips to help get yourself into a habit of taking care of your mental health! 

  1. Love Yourself and Be Compassionate 

First and foremost, remember to love yourself and give yourself compassion. Many of us are hard on ourselves, dwell on our past choices, or simply beat ourselves up. Don’t punish yourself, instead learn from your experiences and make them a lesson. Give yourself gratitude for things you do throughout the day. Maybe you painted a room or took a shower for the first time in three days. Celebrate that! The one voice you are going to hear every single day is yourself. Be compassionate to yourself. Give yourself that positive talking and learn to love yourself. We teach our children to speak kindly to others, so we should do the same to ourselves. 

  1. Recognize Triggers 

Throughout our life experiences, we develop triggers that are associated with mostly negative events in our lives. For example, during my first deployment, I had a special ringtone for when my husband would call. Anytime I heard that specific ringtone I immediately forgot all things I was doing and would immediately find my phone to take his call as they were few and far in between.

Even after his return when I hear that ringtone it immediately triggers me into panic mode to find my phone. To help with this, I have changed the ringtone on my phone. This is a simple example of a trigger, but it is important to recognize what triggers you so that you can work on not being triggered especially if it is associated with negative memories. 

  1. Create a Routine

From an early age, we are introduced to routines or a schedule of events based on the time of when things will happen. Think back to elementary school when we knew what time we had naps (I miss this), lunch, bathroom breaks, etc. Very similar to how children need a schedule to help them with their day, so do we as adults! To help get yourself into the flow of the day, make a routine for yourself that includes the fun things you enjoy.

Maybe you have a full-time work schedule and you are also the housekeeper and caretaker but you want to go to the gym. Write out your schedule and see where you can plug in a time for the gym. Maybe you are feeling depressed and having a hard time getting up to complete a task. That’s okay! Try writing out things you would like to get done or need to get done like laundry, grocery shopping, reading a book, or taking a walk. We have smartphones that can help us with our calendars and routines to help get us moving. Utilize this! Remember, small steps and celebrate the things you did!

  1. Find New Ways to Help Your Mental Health 

Find things that bring you joy and add it to your day! Maybe you really enjoy physical activities like biking, running, kayaking, or kickboxing. Do it! Maybe you are wanting to start a new hobby like gardening. Do it!

From 2020 into 2021, I was looking for things that made me happy to benefit my mental health. I found out our duty station happened to have an on post gardening club. How amazing is that?!  I did all the reading and researching I could and decided to rent my own garden plot. I spent many hours in the garden digging new beds, weeding (mostly), and planting new vegetables.

Even if this was trial and error, my mental health improved so much! Listening to the birds sing, the outdoor fresh air, and the excitement of a tiny seed I planted coming to the surface. The sense of growing something, even if it didn’t survive, felt so great! New hobbies are a great way to help with our mental health and provide an outlet for our creativity or freeness of the mind.

Overall, you know yourself better than anyone else. Be true to yourself, love yourself, do things that make you happy! For many of us who wear many hats in our household, it is hard to remember to take care of ourselves too. You are important, loved, and you got this! Remember to celebrate things you do every day and give yourself some positive talks. 

The SWCL Shop

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The SWCL Shop was started in 2021, to bring my designs to the marketplace.

I have created a store on Zazzle to offer my designs and memes on magnets, stickers, prints, and more! Perfect for your military spouse life.

This post contains affiliate links!

Here is what you can find in the shop!

Finding Your Place, In the Military Spouse World

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Finding Your Place, In the Military Spouse World

We have all been the newbie military spouse. The one who really didn’t know how to navigate this life. The one who had all the questions.

But as time goes on, as you go through a deployment or two, have a PCS under your belt, you realize you are no longer the newest military spouse on the block. You realize that you actually have the advice to offer and you are working to find out your place.

Now you are trying to figure out your place in the military spouse community.

How involved do you want to be in the military spouse community? What can you offer? How do you make sure you are not ignoring your own dreams during military life?

The truth is, finding your place in the military spouse world depends on so many things. From where you are first stationed to what you left behind when your service member joined or when you married them. It depends on the goals you have for yourself, and how involved the military is in your life as you try to achieve them. And this isn’t the same for everyone.

As a new military spouse, I arrived in Germany with an 18-month-old and got pregnant again right away. I was trying to navigate military life as a SAHM in a 3rd-floor stairwell apartment in Germany. My life was pretty much 100% little kids and military, without much room for anything else. The military was in charge of so much of my life.

Moving back to the US four years later, we finally had a little more space between us and the military. Choosing to live off post allowed us a little more space as well as simply being stationed in the U.S. versus overseas. It’s just a very different type of military experience.

Finding your place in the military spouse world is going to be so different depending on who you are and your own experiences.

There are different “roles” you might find yourself in. And you may or may not want to stay there. They might not be a good fit.

The truth is, finding your place in the military spouse world is all about what you feel comfortable with. Some military spouses want to be as involved as possible. They volunteer for the FRG or other on post events. They seem to know a lot about military life and can direct you if you have a question or tell you where you can go to get an answer.

Other military spouses take a back seat to the military world. They stay away from post as much as possible. They work, live, and spend their free time away from the military. They have more of a hands-off as much as possible approach.

And then, there is everyone in between. The reality is, there is no right answer on how to military spouse. You should be involved as much you want to be or as little as you want to be. And your spouse’s rank shouldn’t even be a factor.

We, military spouses, should never feel like we have to run an FRG meeting or set up a spouse’s group. We should do so because we have a desire to do so. We should do so because that is what we want to do, not because it is expected of us.

We, military spouses, have the right to focus solely on our careers. Solely on our children and homes. Or solely on both without worrying too much about the role of the military in our lives. Doing so isn’t for everyone.

We, military spouses, have to find our place, and we get to decide how involved we want to be.

We get to choose, and being able to choose leads to a healthier military spouse community.

I am so thankful for the military spouses who have stepped up. So many have come before us and have said, “no, this isn’t okay” and they work to change things. I am so thankful that the military spouse norm of the past isn’t the norm anymore. That we have so much more freedom than previous generations.

But, will the military itself catch up to modern times? What can change to make a better military life balance for everyone? Both spouse and service member?

Even though I live by a large Army installation, most of my interactions with other military spouses seem to be online these days. Maybe this is due to the pandemic, or maybe just the way modern life is. As modern military spouses, you can reach out to anyone from the comfort of your own homes.

The military community is online, with so many resources at our fingertips.

We no longer have to attend an in-person event in order to get that information we might need to thrive in our military spouse life. We can connect to other spouses, through Facebook groups, TikTok accounts, and Instagram.

We can share our stories and know they will be seen by military spouses worldwide. We can offer advice to a spouse in another branch, stationed somewhere we will never go. The world is truly changing.

Military spouses have always been about community, and there have always been roles for us within that community. But things are changing, and what worked 10-15 years ago, might not work today. Modern military spouses are able to focus more on their own goals and are not as held back because of the military.

Hopefully, no matter how long you have been a military spouse, you are able to figure out where you fit within the military spouse community. And hopefully, whatever your choose to do, no matter how involved you want to be, it is respected. By other spouses, by your service member, and the bigger military as a whole.

How did you find your place within the military spouse world?

4 Things to Do When the Military Cancel Your Plans

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4 Things to Do When the Military Cancel Your Plans

You don’t have to be a military spouse for too long to have had the military cancel your plans. Whether it is something small, like a date you had planned, or an appointment you needed them to be with you at, to bigger things such as a deployment changing its dates, or a move being delayed longer than you would like.

Over the years I have had to cancel so many things because of the military. This was even more true when my children were younger. I would have everything lined up, and boom, it all had to change.

So what do you do if the military cancels your plans? Tell the military they can’t do that? Oh, how I wish that was the answer…:) But really, what can you do? Here are a few ideas!

1) Journal it out. The military canceling plans is a big reason I think journaling is so important. Get your journal out and write about how frustrated you are. Write it all out. That will make you feel much better, I promise. And if you are looking for a journal, I have a few in my new SWCL shop!

2) Call a friend who gets it. This might be another military spouse who can understand your frustration or a nonmilitary spouse friend who has experienced something similar. Disappointment sucks, so find a friend who gets how frustrating this can be and someone you feel comfortable venting to. They might even be able to help you with #3.

3) Make a plan. This will be based on what the canceled activity or event is. Sometimes when the military changes things we have to restructure everything, other times we just have to make a few calls to make it work. But you will need to make a plan. Once you do, you will see that things are not as bad as they seem.

4) Reschedule, if you can. In some cases, you can reschedule whatever was canceled. Although you might have to wait a bit to do so. If you had to cancel a trip, think about when you could reschedule it. If you had to cancel an appointment, see when their next available one is. Try to remind yourself that you will get to do the thing you want to do, even if it is later than you thought it would be. Our June 2020 vacation was canceled because of military duties, but we took the trip in March of 2021 and had a great time.

I hate it when the military cancels our plans, even worse when there doesn’t seem to be any reason for it. A date change, an orders change, or any other change is enough to drive me crazy. I know I am not supposed to write my plans in pen, but I really can’t help it sometimes.

In military life, you have to always hope for the best, plan for the worst, and that isn’t always easy to do. I still struggle in how to balance planning a trip or other event with the fact that at anytime the military could cancel our plans. But, these tips really help me get to a better place, and to be able to have a more balanced life.

What are your best tips for dealing with when the military cancels your plans???

For The Military Spouse Who Lost A Loved One This Year

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For The Military Spouse Who Lost A Loved One This Year

In February of 2017, we lost my SIL unexpectedly. Over the years since, we have lost other family members. So many of us have.

The holidays can bring up a lot of emotions. You think about how this is the first time your loved one will not be there for the holidays. The first time you won’t be able to wake up and see them Christmas morning. The first time you won’t hear their voice on the phone when you call to wish them Merry Christmas.

You might be going through a deployment, without your spouse by your side to lean on during this time.

You might already be feeling lonely, and now you are dealing with a hole in your heart for your missing loved one. This can all be so hard to deal with. This is when writing in your journal, writing letters to your spouse, and staying busy will help.

You might be in a new city, missing your group of friends. You depended on them after your loss, you still need them, but they now live states away from you. You don’t know anyone well enough to confide your sadness is.

You might be struggling to know how to act after the loss. You might not be the closest person to the one who passed away, but you still feel their loss. You want to reach out to those who are closer, but you are not sure how to do so.

So for the military spouse who lost a loved one this year, I understand.

Your loved one is missed, by so many. Even if you think you are done mourning, the holidays can make it feel like you were not. Know that you are not alone, that others know what you are doing though, and talking about your loved one is okay.

Know that going through the holidays without them will seem strange, especially if this is the first one. It will seem like someone is missing and rightly so, someone is. You might have pictured this year differently than it turned out and that in itself is hard to come to term with.

Reach out to your loved ones and mourn together.

Understand that some might be having a harder time with their loss than others do. Some might not be able to make it through the holidays without a lot of support. Some might feel like they took a few steps back in their grief.

And if that person is you, know that you can get through this season too. That your grief is understandable, that your loss is very real, and that no one expects you to treat this holiday the same as you have in the past.

After a loss, you have to adapt to a new normal. You have to figure out how to go on without them. And this isn’t always easy. The holidays can be a reminder of what you lost and what you no longer have.

Every new memory you make is a reminder of what they are missing.

So to you who have lost someone this year, do what you can to have an enjoyable holiday. Tell your closest friends and family what you are struggling with. Find ways to honor your loved one especially.

Life is filled with good and bad things. Some years will be harder than others. Know, you are not alone and that you will figure out ways to get through the holiday season.

How do you cope with losing someone during the holiday season?

For the Military Spouse Who Can’t Go Home For Christmas

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For the Military Spouse Who Can't Go Home For Christmas

I get commissions for purchases made through some of the links in this post.

When we first got married we decided that we would switch off each holiday. One year we would spend Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with his. Then the next year we would switch.

This worked well for three years. Then we moved and my husband joined the Army and that schedule went out the window. Among other things that changed when we became a military family.

As a military spouse, you sometimes have to let go of what you thought your life would look like. And that includes how you spend your holidays. One year your spouse might be deployed, and the next you could be PCSing from one part of the country to another. Your plans have to be flexible.

This year, however, we don’t have to feel as alone. This year, during a pandemic, everyone is being told to stay put. Everyone is being told to not travel during the holidays. We aren’t the only ones having to change the way we do things during this time of year.

A little bit of the pressure you might normally feel has been lifted, at least for 2020. Maybe you were dreading the long drive back home, or maybe the cost of airline tickets was hurting your pocketbook.

There are many reasons why going home for Christmas can be hard for military families. But at least this year, staying in your own home is more normal. At least this year, it is a lot more understandable to the civilian world why you would not be traveling around the holidays.

During a normal year, you still might feel like you just want to stay in your own home. Your spouse may be deployed, and the idea of traveling across the country with three kids is just too much. You might have just moved into a new home, and want to set up there instead of leaving everything to spend the holidays in someone else’s home.

Not being able to go home for Christmas can be emotional, no matter the reason. And this year, even more so. But even if that is what you have planned to do, you can still feel a bit disappointed by it.

You might miss the way you always got together with relatives for Christmas Eve. You might miss the last-minute holiday shopping you would do with your sister, or how you would bake Christmas cookies with your grandma and cousins.

If you can’t go home for Christmas this year, know you are not alone. So many families are staying local, and not traveling. So many families are having to pivot and change the way they do the holidays.

The good news is, there are so many things you can do from your very own home. Start some new traditions and enjoy the time you have together. Make the holidays the way you want them to be, after all, you are in your own home, and you can do exactly that.

Are you overseas? Try to incorporate some of the traditions from the country you are in. You can then take them back with you when you move back to the US.

Embrace not having to travel during the busiest travel days of the year. Think about how your children will have memories of waking up in their own beds on Christmas morning. We have been doing this for years, and I LOVE that my kids will have memories of waking up in their own homes and coming downstairs to see the Christmas magic.

You can’t always go home for Christmas and that is okay. You can still have a special Christmas filled with happy memories and moments with your own family. And you might find that being in your own home is exactly where you want to be for the holiday season.

Do you usually go home for Christmas? What will you be doing this year?

Twas the Night Before Christmas…Milspouse Style

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Twas the Night Before Christmas...Milspouse Style

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Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, no one was stirring, except one military spouse.

She knew what tonight was, but wasn’t feeling the cheer, her husband of 12 years was simply not here.

He was serving his country, on deployment #4, she simply couldn’t wait until April, when he would walk through the door.

Her kids were in bed, excited for morning, they didn’t want to go, despite her stern warning.

She looked at a picture, taken last year, when he was home beside her and she didn’t have much to fear.

But this year was different, and he was far away, but she still wanted to try to have a wonderful Christmas day.

She put on some music, and finished her last chore, she loved her sweet family, down to the core.

Christmas was special and a time to love, and she would get through this deployment, with help from above.

Her husband was deployed, and that made her sad, but thinking of her children Christmas morning made her heart very glad.

She turned out the light, and headed to bed, loving the lights of the tree, both green and red.

As hard as it was, she found her inner strength, she could handle this deployment, no matter the length.

Solo parenting was hard, and she hated missing him, but she knew in the end, it wasn’t so grim.

She had her friends, and her children by her side, and would take this deployment day by day even if she sometimes cried.

Because one day in April, would be homecoming day, and she would load up her children in her van, not a sleigh.

And they would head to the gym, where they would need to wait, with the other spouses and children on this very important date.

As a military spouse, we can spend Christmas alone, but we do what we can to warm up our home.

She would spot him right away, standing in the crowd, and when it was time they would run to him proud.

So if you are a military spouse, with your love far away, I want you to know you will get through Christmas Day.

It might not be exactly like before, but Christmas has magic you just can’t ignore.

Merry Christmas to all and know that it’s true, you got this military spouse, you absolutely do.

9 Reasons You Want to Get Stationed at Fort Campbell

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9 Reasons You Want to Get Stationed at Fort Campbell

Orders have been cut, and they say: “Fort Campbell, Kentucky” Say what? Is this where you wanted to go? You aren’t sure. You don’t know anything about Fort Campbell.

The truth is, getting stationed at Fort Campbell can be a great experience. It really can. The area isn’t perfect, and there is some room for improvement, but here are 9 reasons you might want to get stationed here at Fort Campbell.

We have four seasons

Yes, we have four seasons here at Fort Campbell. Sometimes all in the same day. But really, just when you get tired of a season and can’t take much more, things change. We have falling leaves, it can snow, but not too much, humid summers, and refreshing springs. Hmm…the summers might be a bit much but you will miss them when you leave. Maybe. Okay, probably won’t miss the summers.

We are centrally located

We are pretty centrally located. Want to head to the midwest? You can be there in a few hours. Want to head down south? Go for it. Many families are closer to extended family when they get stationed here. If you are however from the west coast like we are…that isn’t going to be true at all and the airport is a pain to get to but it is what it is.

Many families like to vacation at the beach, Walt Disney World, Gatlinburg, or St. Louis. There are many different options whether you want to fly or drive.

Choice of where to live

One of the great things about being stationed at Fort Campbell is you have quite a few choices where you can live. You can live on post, live in Kentucky, or live in Tennessee. And with each state, you can choose to be closer to the post or further away. You can stay within the city or live out in the country. The choice is totally up to you, and well your family size and BAH of course.

Nashville is an hour away

Nashville is only an hour away! Nashville has almost everything you might need. However, Nashville is also an hour away, which isn’t always easy to deal with, especially if you don’t like to drive.

Nashville has the Nashville Zoo, the Adventure Science Center, Broadway, McKay’s bookstore, Opryland and Opry Mills, and much more. We live to go about once a month and always have a good time when we do.

9 Reasons You Want to Get Stationed at Fort Campbell

Lots of Army

Fort Campbell is of course an Army post and there is so much Army everywhere. From active duty to retired military. Many people come here as their last duty station and stay, and others grew up in an Army family, married a soldier, and have stayed. Many people in the community have connections to Fort Campbell and the Army in one way or another. If you do want a break from the Army, I go back to choosing where to live. Some places in this area are more civilian than others.

Nature

From the Greenway to parks! We have nature here! Which can be a great way to spend your time. You can tube down the river, or go for a long walk on a Sunday afternoon. Of course, nature isn’t always fun and if you try to be outside in the month of July you will probably regret that. Unless it is a pool, and even then…you might just want to stay inside. Sorry July, you are not my favorite.

We have things to do

Fort Campbell is not in the middle of nowhere. Even if it CAN seem that way if you compare it to other bigger places. We do have things.

We have your chain restaurants, Olive Garden, Outback, Applebees, etc. And we have many local restaurants as well. New ones seem to be opening all the time. Yum!

We have entertainment for kids such as Defy, the City Forum which is our favorite and so much better than Dave and Busters, and plenty of parks in the city. We have soccer teams and little leagues and plenty of actives for kids on post as well.

There is the Oak Grove Racing, Gaming & Hotel, movie theaters, and Clarksville has a mall that is pretty okay. If you want the nice big malls, you will have to go to Nashville.

We are lacking libraries and bookstores IMO. This is the only city I have ever lived in with only one library. But that’s a rant for another day.

Plenty of events

There is a lot going on in the Clarksville and Fort Campbell area. Clarksville has many events from a Christmas parade to a farmer’s market every summer. If you do get stationed here, follow some of the local pages to learn about what is going on. Clarksville Parks and Recreation, Fort Campbell MWR, and Fort Campbell & Clarksville Tennessee Fun and Events.

Military supportive city

Clarksville, Oak Grove, and Hopkinsville are all very military friendly. There is a lot of love for Fort Campbell and the soldiers and families that get stationed here. That can be comforting for a lot of people. During normal times, we have concerts at Fort Campbell, and those can be a ton of fun getting together with the community.

9 Reasons You Want to Get Stationed at Fort Campbell

Overall I think Ft. Campbell is a great place to get stationed. A lot of people agree with me. There are also plenty of people that do not and that is just fine. We all have different experiences. In the end, duty stations are what you make of them. Good or bad. Popular or not.

If you are getting stationed at Fort Campbell, welcome, and I hope your experience is a good one!