military spouse

13 Military Spouse Memes That Ring True to Military Life

August 4, 2017 by Julie

13 Military Spouse Memes That Ring True to Military Life

As military spouses, we each live our own lives. Although we are all unique and there is no one way to be a military spouse, there are parts of military life that ring true for all of us. From deployments to PCSing, these means ring true to military life.

Yes! OPSEC! It’s important and can be a bit confusing.
If you are a new military spouse, learn what OPSEC is and make sure to check out PERSEC as well.

Military life will push you out of your comfort zone whether you like it or not. What is something adventurous that you have done since you became a military spouse?

Sometimes those waves feel like too much but you will get through them.
And then enjoy the more peaceful periods of a deployment.

The military ball! A time to dress up and go out with your spouse.
Dinner and dancing and away from the kids, what could be better than that?

Yep! We live for those calls. Even if they wake us up from a deep sleep.

Commissary shopping is a big part of military life. Stick to these rules for a better experience.

You never know where you might end up as a military spouse.

PCSing soon? Moving is always a chore but you have to make the best of it.

This sums up military life all in one meme!

Always. Military life will keep you guessing and once you have figured it out, you will learn something new.

Yes! We have to find our people to help us through. Then in return, we can be there for them.

Truth! Nothing is 100%. Nothing. It can always change.

Yes! Embrace that fresh start! Find new places to explore and bloom where you are stationed.

How long have you been a military spouse?

What to do When Your Spouse’s Deployment Orders Get Extended

August 2, 2017 by Julie

What to do When Your Spouse’s Deployment Orders Get Extended

The summer of 2007 was a difficult one for us in Schweinfurt, Germany. Our husbands had been deployed since the August before, and things were starting to wind down on their deployment. Although their orders said 12 months, there was a lot of talk about them coming home in June of that year, making the deployment nine months.

That didn’t happen, and they said that the deployment would be a year. And then, one day, it became much more than that. My husband’s unit was part of the surge in Iraq. They would no longer be coming home in August. Their orders were extended for October which became November.

My husband returned home to us a little shy of 15 months. We had not seen him since R&R, 11 months before. To say this was a long deployment was an understatement. And it felt like the deployment would never end. Even when we got close, it got extended.

Having your spouse’s deployment orders extended is one of the hardest things to have to deal with. Even if you have prepared for this happening, there is still a part of you that hoped it wouldn’t happen. You will probably feel crushed, broken, and wonder how in the world you will make it until they can get home.

If your spouse’s deployment orders get extended, here are some things you can do to help you make it through:

Let it out

When you first hear the news, you are probably going to break down. That is okay. Have a good cry about the situation, vent to a friend, or just let everything out in a journal.

It’s okay to be mad about the situation, it’s okay to be angry at the military, it’s okay to be upset because your spouse is going to be gone longer than you thought.

Look at the benefits

For us, we started to receive an extra $1,000 a month after the one year mark. This was a benefit to me and although I would have preferred to have my husband home earlier, it was nice to have that extra money.

Take some time to figure out what your benefits are, even if they seem small. Focusing on the advantages of the situation can help you handle it better.

Make a game plan

Once you have cried it all out over the extension, come up with a game plan. Back in 2007, a group of us spouses got together at McDonald’s after we heard the news. We were in shock, but we wanted to figure out how we were going to get through this. And we knew we would have to depend on one another.

Figure out how to stay busy

Staying busy is going to be even more important the last few months of an extended deployment. You don’t want just to sit around being bored. That will drive your nuts. Continue to stay busy and get out there. You will be glad that you did.

Try something new

The end of this deployment is a good time to try something new. Maybe for you, that is starting a new book series or volunteering somewhere. It could also mean starting school, looking for a new job, or even going on a small trip. The key is finding something you can focus on.

Extended deployments are so difficult to deal with, but they are a part of military life. Orders get changed, and there are a lot of different reasons why your spouse might be deployed longer than you thought they would be.

Have you ever been through an extended deployment?

Becoming a Military Spouse and Finding the Support You Need to Get Through

July 24, 2017 by Julie

Becoming a Military Spouse and Finding the Support You Need to Get Through

I spent three years as a civilian wife.

During those years we could plan things out, and most likely they would not change. If he needed time off, he would ask for it. I was a new mom, and he had been there for the nine months of pregnancy and then the newborn months.

During those years we had a pretty simple life. There wasn’t a lot of drama. I knew he would be there for my birthday, our son’s firsts and the idea of parenting my son alone for any length of time sent shivers down my spine. I laugh about that now.

My years as a civilian wife were far from easy of course. I was stressed like every new mom was. But at the time I had no idea what was ahead for us.

In November of 2005, my husband and I made the choice for him to re-enlist in the Army, at age 30. He had been in before, years before I had met him.

I didn’t think being a military wife was going to be my life. Not at all. The Army was in his past. But in 2005, it became his present, and I started my life as a military spouse.

It’s been almost 12 years since that happened and over those 12 years, so much has happened. We have added two more children, gone through 4 deployments, 3 PCS moves and became a National Guard family.

My husband joining the military changed everything.

My civilian life? That is a thing of the past. I learned pretty quickly that being a military wife was an entirely different way to live.

I figured out that you can’t always depend on your spouse to be there. Whether you are thinking about your son’s first steps or the birth of your child.

I figured out that missing someone you are married to for over a year is completely different than missing a boyfriend for a few months when you went off to college.

I figured out that we as military spouses see the fear in our future, might even start to panic about it, but figure out ways to make it through.

As a civilian wife, the idea of solo parenting seemed unbelievable.

As a military wife, I have spent the equivalent of years without my partner by my side.

In this world, we always want to compare, and I can’t help compare my own life before the Army vs after. They were so different. I was different.

But over the years I have learned something important. No matter what your stress might me. No matter what struggle you might be dealing with. No matter how weak you feel, you can figure out a way to make it through.

We can all depend on one another. During our darkest days, we can turn to a friend, a family member, or even an online community.

We can see that others have worried for their spouses like we have. We can see that others have broken down at having to change ALL the diapers. We can learn from those who have come before us and have wise words to share.

I have heard people say that being a military wife is the same as being a civilian wife. This has not been my experience at all. My two lives are like night and day.

Being a military wife is probably one of the best things that have happened to me.

In the last 12 years, I have learned so much about life, how to cope, how to handle stress, and how to be resilient in the face of disappointing circumstances.

I have seen the power of the military community. To help one another out through deployments, the loneliness, and the hardships.

I have become who I am because my husband has served. And I know that my life would be completely different had my husband never rejoined the military on that day in 2005.

If you are a military spouse looking for support, you have come to the right place. On this blog, you will find posts about deployments, pcsing, and all things military life.

Although we all come from different branches, we have a lot in common and finding support is a must!

You can also sign up for my mailing list to receive a free guide to the first 30 days of a deployment and join my Facebook support group.

What Can We Do About Military Spouse Bullying?

July 19, 2017 by Julie

What Can We Do About Military Spouse Bullying?

Bullying is everywhere. From schools to churches to the military community. Bullying happens to children, and it can also happen to adults. Bullying happens within our military spouse community, and the worst of it seems to be online.

Being an online bully is pretty easy. You can hide behind your computer screen, no one needs to know who you are, and you can do so without being called out.

Bullying can happen when a new military spouse asks an innocent question or when anyone is asking for advice about a struggle they are going through. People even go on and on about us calling ourselves “military spouses.”

The military community can be the right place to ask questions. So many of us have been through so many different situations and are willing to help. Sadly, not everyone is so understanding, and that is when the bullying happens.

The truth is, when bullies act as they do, that says more about them than it does about the person they are going after. When you are being targeted though, that is easy to forget.

We all need to work together. Every single one of us and if we do, I believe that we can cut down on the bullying and all learn from one another. We are better than a group of people who go after one another. We are strong men and women who stand by and support those who have chosen to sign up to serve our country.

So what can we do about this military spouse bullying issue? How can we make our community a better place?

Be respectful in your responses

Being respectful isn’t difficult. When you are responding to someone online, remember to stay respectful. Even if what they are asking seems silly. Even if what they are asking seems obvious. We were all the new military spouse at one time. We were all very young at one time.

Stay away from the hate groups

There are military spouse hate groups online. Their only goal is to make fun of other spouses. While groups like this are not a shock, they don’t need to be the norm. Stay away from the hate groups. They are not worthy of our energy.

The military community is so good at standing up to groups like the Westboro Baptist Church when they come to protest a funeral, but do we feel the same way about the hate groups within our military communities? Something to think about the next time you see one in your Facebook feed.

Remember that everyone experiences things differently

What you have experienced as a military spouse can be completely different than what your neighbor has. Sometimes when we have not experienced something, we don’t quite understand what the other person who has experienced it is going through. But we can still be kind in our responses to them.

Telling them they are wrong, assuming they are lying, or just giving them a mean response because their experiences are different than ours is not okay. Be understand, realize that there are different ways for things to happen, and be open to listening to what the other person has to say.

Remember, we are a family

Here’s the deal, the military world, particularly within each branch can be rather small. Whatever you say online could get back to anyone else in the military community. This could be bad for you; this could be bad for your spouse.

It’s simply not worth it. You could be bullying someone that you see every day on your military post. You could be bullying someone in your spouse’s chain of command. You can hide behind your screen but the reality is, what you put out there could get back to you and that could cause issues for you and your service member down the line.

What would happen if you PCS to a new duty station only for your spouse’s COC to know about the bullying you had done towards their own spouse? Do you think that would make things easier for your service member? Do you think a spouse that is bullied wouldn’t talk to her own husband about that? Whether you want to admit it or not, it can get back to you and that can be bad news for your spouse’s career.

Your Grandma can see what you post online

When I see what some people post on the comments on Facebook pages, I am amazed. Anyone who follows you on Facebook can see what you post there, even people you have chosen to unfollow. This means your grandma can see your words. Your mom can see your words. Your siblings can see your words. Your co-workers and even your boss can see your words. If they are hateful, that could cause a lot of issues for you down the line.

Let it go and walk away

When someone is irritating you online, it is best to let it go and walk away. Vent to your friends privately but when you go on and on and back and forth with a stranger, you are putting yourself in a bad place. Most of the time, let things go, walk away and let the issue burn out.

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t participate in civil debates, but when things go hateful, the back and forth makes both of you look bad, even if you are the one in the right. You can always choose to block someone who is going after you. Make it difficult to keep going after you. Virtually walk away as much as you can.

Online bullying is a part of our world now. We don’t want bullying happening to our children, let’s not do it in our military communities. Let’s all be better than that. Let’s be helpful and know when to walk away. If we can do this, our community will become a stronger one for all of us.

Networking as an Entrepreneur in the Military Community

July 11, 2017 by Julie

Networking as an Entrepreneur in the Military Community

By Jenny Hale, The Military Social Media Guru at jennyhale.com

As a military spouse or veteran entrepreneur, owning a business can offer a sense of independence, freedom, and personal self-accomplishment.

However, the key to success is making sales, providing value to the community you are serving, and marketing your business successfully. While some MilCommunity entrepreneurs have mastered this, others may not have (yet!).

For example, have you ever done any of the following online?

Built a Facebook page and invited all your personal family and friends to “like” it?
Started a Twitter account and scheduled out your tweets weeks in advance…and then just let it run because you have 1,000 other tasks to worry about?
Created a LinkedIn page and connected with everyone you ever knew from high school and college?

If so, you’re missing the point of modern social media usage and the benefits it has for your military-focused business.

The key to modern marketing success as an entrepreneur is networking and building relationships. Below are three ways to network within the military community as an entrepreneur in order to find business success.

1. Use Community Groups

There are so many communities online based on your veteran status, marriage affiliation, service branch, duty station, industry, and more. Tap into these communities on Facebook. Facebook groups are a great way to meet other people interested in what you do for a living, as well as find future clients and customers. If you are a U.S. military spouse or veteran entrepreneur, you can join this group for marketing and social media support.

Twitter lists and Pinterest group boards are just a couple other examples of online groups that you can become involved in as an entrepreneur. These platforms allow you to connect and share content from others who enjoy the same passions you do.

There is also more to networking than just being online. The military community has the ability to find like-minded clients and audiences through spouse groups, children’s programs, and adult-excursions on installations.

There are also many civilian groups available, including MeetUp, local Chamber of Commerce organizations, local business groups, and regional/city entrepreneur events.

The more connected a military community entrepreneur is with their surrounding community, the higher the referral and customer base will become.

2. Use LinkedIn (Correctly!)

LinkedIn is such a powerful tool for those who write career-focused content and want to connect with like-minded professionals. LinkedIn is the networking powerhouse for all things career and business.

However, LinkedIn needs to be used as a way to expand your network, unlike Facebook. The goal of Facebook is to add your friends and family, post, “like” a few things you found amusing, and move on.

LinkedIn is completely different. It is an entirely professional platform to discuss a variety of topics that can include marketing, lead generation, entrepreneurship, careers, job skills, job searching, and more. For me, 50 to 75 percent of my leads and blog views come from LinkedIn. I have connected with a targeted military audience, stayed engaged in both the entrepreneurship and full-time career communities, reached out to everyone I have met, and worked to provide value to others.

As a result, LinkedIn has done wonders for me, but if you’re using it to gain connections, promote yourself, ignore inbox introductions, complain about your job, or start political debates, you’re on the wrong platform and doing nothing to help your brand on the site. Using LinkedIn can be a powerful boost in your business if you use it properly and are in the right niche.

3. Be Social

Social media for business is not about inviting your family and friends to like your content. In most cases, these individuals are NOT your target audience or ideal client. If you want to be successful on social media, you cannot just schedule your blog articles and walk away, post a link on your Facebook page, or add hashtags to an Instagram post and expect a successful venture.

Social media is about being social. This means engaging with your followers, asking questions, generating participation, and sharing content that encourages networking. If you’re using social media to just promote yourself and your business, you’re doing it wrong!

Running a business can be tough and marketing it can be even tougher. It can also be a giant time sucker if you are marketing to your community the wrong way and not reaching the right people. Instead, re-evaluate your marketing goals. Is the way you are currently marketing your business right for your audience? If your content is more about you than your target customer, focus on more relationship-building and networking strategies.

Jenny Hale is a marketing and social media consultant, coach, and teacher for military spouse and veteran business owners. Nicknamed “The Military Social Media Guru,” she uses her background working with military non-profits, corporate companies, the Army, and as an entrepreneur to help others struggling to meet their business dreams. With the goal of bridging the gap between the military community’s marketing efforts to civilians and vice versa, Jenny works to make an entrepreneur’s vision come to life. You can follow her on Twitter, Pinterest, LinkedIn, and Facebook.

How To Find Me Time When Your Spouse Is Deployed

June 12, 2017 by Julie

How To Find Me Time When Your Spouse Is Deployed

One question I tend to get asked by my non-military friends is, “Do you ever get any time to yourself during the deployment?” And my answer is “Yes!” Although I have had to work hard over the years to be able to find this me time.

When your spouse is home, you should be able to have them watch the kids, at least every once in a while. You can get out to the mall, meet friends or dinner, or go to your book club.

When they are deployed, finding that me time isn’t as easy.

So what can you do if your spouse is deployed or away on training and you struggle to find that me time you crave?

Trade babysitting with a friend

During past deployments, I have had close friends that I traded babysitting with. This was ideal because we could both help each other out in the same way. This isn’t always possible because doing this requires having a good friend that you trust. You also need someone with children that get along with yours.

But if you can find this, take advantage and bring up trading off with childcare. Even if you just want to take an hour to drink a Starbucks and read a book kid free, you can do so and then return the favor.

Look for events with free childcare

When we were stationed in Schweinfurt, Germany, we had a scrapbooking night once a month. They would usually have a babysitter on site in a playroom, which was nice. Being able to sit and scrapbook with friends and not have to worry about where my children were would make for a fun night and a good way to find that me time.

If you take some time to look at your local area, you will probably find places that do offer free childcare both on and off post. There is a local church here that does a once a month parent’s night out for the local community.

Super Saturdays

Some military bases and military posts have Super Saturdays where you can leave your kids in childcare once or twice a month if your husband is deployed. I have taken advantage of that many times, and they have been a lifesaver.

We could drop off our kids around 9 am and just pick them up sometime in the late afternoon. I knew they were being taken care of in an age appreciate place and it gave me a chance to get errands done or to meet up with friends for lunch.

Family

Many military spouses do not live near family. One thing you miss out on when you don’t live near family is the ability for them to watch your kids. I know if I had raised my kids in the same town as my parents it wouldn’t have mattered when my husband deployed because I knew that they would be able to watch them.

I did spend the summer of 2009 at my parent’s house with my young two and four-year-old. While we did a lot of things together, getting out by myself or meeting a friend was a nice perk to living with them for those months.

When we have family come to visit, they will watch our kids for either a date night if he was home or a night out with friends when he has been away. Even though this can’t happen too often because of the distance, it is a beautiful thing when they come to visit. The extra set of hands helps more than they even realize.

Firm bedtimes

In some seasons you won’t be able to have any me time. You could have a nursing baby or no one in the area to trust with your children. That is when bedtimes become so important. Make sure you put your kids to bed early enough so that you can spend at least an hour by yourself.

During this time you can watch a television show, take a bubble bath, or have a bowl of ice cream. Taking that time for you will be the best way to help you through the days of deployment.

Hire a babysitter

If you have the budget to do so, you can hire a babysitter. See if you know anyone with a teenager that babysits. They probably live close and be good with your kids. You can also use websites like www.sittercity.com to find someone in your local area.

Sometimes just getting out and going to the library/coffee shop, treating myself to lunch, or going on a photo walk for a few hours can refresh me. Especially after a long night. As military spouses, we can take on too much and not find time for ourselves. After months of this, we can get burned out which isn’t good for ourselves or our children.

How do you find time to get away and relax when your spouse is deployed? How do you find “me” time during deployment?

Here are other posts about deployments:

Don’t Get Sucked Into the Deployment Hole

Yes You Can Handle Life Without Your Spouse, Even If You Don’t Want To

12 Things You Must Do As Soon As Your Spouse Deploys

Don’t Get Sucked Into the Deployment Hole

June 6, 2017 by Julie

Don’t Get Sucked Into the Deployment Hole

I was in several long distance relationships when I was in college. I can remember so clearly how hard they were. I wasn’t married, but I missed my boyfriend very much. So much so that I felt split down the middle. Half of me was with him, and the other half was trying to live that normal college life.

This was in the day before everyone had a cell phone so I would have to wait in my dorm room for him to call. I couldn’t just go out and do something else unless I wanted to miss talking with him. Plenty of times I had to tell my roommate to go to lunch or dinner without me, and I would catch up later.

This wasn’t a good way to live. I got fatigued with feeling so torn all the time. I wanted to continue the relationship as my boyfriend was important to me, but at the same time, I wanted to be free to make friends and have fun in my college life.

As a military spouse, I sometimes still feel this pull although it is a bit different these days. My husband and I have been married for almost 15 years, and I know where I stand with him. I don’t have the worries that I did as a girlfriend.

And although I miss him terribly, I also want to live my life when he is gone. I want to have fun with friends and my kids. I want to make memories. I don’t want to be stuck in the in between. I don’t want to be stuck in a deployment hole.

You know the one, where everything sucks and you feel sad all the time. Where you can’t seem to live your life the way you want, and you feel so helpless that nothing will be right again until they come home.

So why do I do to help with this? How do I avoid falling into that deployment hole?

Make plans

Make plans. Get out there and fill up your calendar. You will be glad you did. If you do not have any children at home with you, this is even more important. You don’t want to fall into that deployment loneliness hole by being by yourself too much. Join a club, find a friend to get together with, go for walks, see a movie, just keep busy while they are gone.

Don’t wait for calls

Don’t plan your days around when they might call. Even though we all have cell phones these days, you still might want to stay home for a Facetime chat. Don’t. Don’t be afraid to get out there. I know how hard it can be when you miss a call or don’t get a chance to talk, but when you plan your schedule around possible calls, that can lead to being sucked right into that deployment hole.

Don’t be afraid to have fun

It’s okay to laugh, make jokes, and have fun when your spouse is away. Don’t feel guilty when you do. They wouldn’t want you stuck at home all day being sad. Don’t be afraid to stay busy as it is the best way to make it through a deployment.

Don’t talk every day

I know, I know. Talking every day is ideal, right? Not totally. I know for me I prefer talking once every two to three days. That is the perfect amount of time for me. I have found that talking every day is just too much. You run out of things to say and if you get used to that and they can’t call for a few days or even longer, it’s even harder to wait. Not that I would turn down a phone call but talk to your spouse about phone call expectations.

Try new things

Deployments can be the right time to try something new. A new hobby, a new job, or just work on bettering yourself. A lot of military spouses work on fitness goals or go back to school. Make a list of what you have always wanted to do and put your plans into action.

What do you do when you feel like you are getting sucked down that deployment hole?

Here are some more posts about deployments:

Yes You Can Handle Life Without Your Spouse, Even If You Don’t Want To

12 Things You Must Do As Soon As Your Spouse Deploys

Going Down the Long Deployment Road

What You Can Learn From Other Military Spouses

June 5, 2017 by Julie 2 Comments

What You Can Learn From Other Military Spouses

It was 2006, and I was new to Germany and the Military life. My FRG leader was giving me a ride across the post, and she was talking about the upcoming ball that we were going to have. I was excited. I knew the military had balls but to be able to go to one seemed like a dream.

She told me about the food and what to expect. She went through the ceremony part of the ball. I learned a lot that day. Other spouses told me what a deployment was like. They had been there before, and since I was new, I had no idea what to expect.

The amazing thing about the Military community is that spouses help one another out along the way.

As a new military spouse, I was able to learn about everything military. I learned about the Army lingo, what preparing for a deployment would be like, how to pack things up before a PCS, how to send mail to my husband overseas, how to dress for a ball, and what to do to get through the last few weeks of a deployment.

I listened to other spouses who had been doing this military thing longer than I had. I knew not everything they told me would be my experience as an Army wife, but I knew that I could gain a lot from listening to them and hearing what they had to say.

As a seasoned military spouse, I am still learning about military life.

The National Guard life is still so new to me. I was used to active duty life, but now things are different. Over the years I will learn more and more and will figure out this part of military life too.

We, military spouses, can all help each other out. No matter what hardship you might be going through, someone else has probably gone through something similar before. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and try to help others out that might need it.

There is something comforting about knowing you are not the first person to go through a particular situation.

And as clueless as you might feel at the beginning of military life, know you will learn more and more as the years go by. And as you do, you will be able to help others too.

Once you have been through a deployment, you will know what helped you and can share what did. Once you have been through a PCS move, you can offer your tips and let others know what you wish you had known before you moved.

Over time you too will become the seasoned spouse, able to offer your experiences to help other, newer spouses out.

Life is about learning and military life is no different. There is so much to be gained from hearing from others and what they have been through. There is so much to be gained from opening up to others about your story and experiences.

Military life is filled with twists and turns. The military will surprise you, even if you are prepared. But even in those circumstances, even if you feel like you are the only one going through that particular issue, sharing what you have gone through can still be helpful so don’t be afraid to do so.

What is one bit of advice you could offer to other milspouses?

Here are more blog posts on military life:

When You Can’t Find Your Milspouse Tribe

The Truth About Military Life, In 30 Military Life Memes

Military Life is Hard and It’s Okay To Say So

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military spouse

13 Military Spouse Memes That Ring True to Military Life

How long have you been a military spouse?

What to do When Your Spouse’s Deployment Orders Get Extended

If your spouse’s deployment orders get extended, here are some things you can do to help you make it through:

Have you ever been through an extended deployment?

Becoming a Military Spouse and Finding the Support You Need to Get Through

What Can We Do About Military Spouse Bullying?

Be respectful in your responses

Stay away from the hate groups

Remember that everyone experiences things differently

Remember, we are a family

Your Grandma can see what you post online

Let it go and walk away

Networking as an Entrepreneur in the Military Community

How To Find Me Time When Your Spouse Is Deployed

Trade babysitting with a friend

Look for events with free childcare

Super Saturdays

Family

Firm bedtimes

Hire a babysitter

How do you find time to get away and relax when your spouse is deployed? How do you find “me” time during deployment?

Don’t Get Sucked Into the Deployment Hole

So why do I do to help with this? How do I avoid falling into that deployment hole?

What do you do when you feel like you are getting sucked down that deployment hole?

What You Can Learn From Other Military Spouses

What is one bit of advice you could offer to other milspouses?

Sign up for your FREE Guide to the First 30 Days of Deployment!

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