Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

surviving deployment

The Rocky Road Ahead For a Military Spouse

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The Rocky Road Ahead

She is standing there, looking at the rocky road ahead, unsure what is next and what the future will look like. Such is the life of a military spouse.

He got his orders and is packing his bags, how are we doing this again? How is it time?

She promises she will be strong, she has done this before, she can do it again. She will conquer this rocky road ahead.

He has heard the rumors, but now he knows they are true.

She will be leaving soon, a few months earlier than they thought. How will he make it through this deployment? The one he thought he would be prepared for, but now feels like it never will be. That rocky road ahead.

As military spouses around the world know, there is good and there is bad when it comes to military life. There are the highs and there are the lows. There are easier times and times when it feels like the road is a little too rocky. When it feels like it is a little too much to endure.

We do what we can when we are faced with this rocky road. We depend on our friends and hope and pray they will understand all the emotions we might have in the next few months.

We work to stay busy but sometimes even that isn’t enough. And sometimes the busy is what causes the stress, and we have to pull back. We have to work to find that balance that seems almost impossible to find.

We pull the tools we have used in the past out of our deployment tool kit and pray they will work again. And sometimes they do. And sometimes they don’t.

We want to believe we can get through anything, truly anything that rocky road brings, but somedays we are unsure we can.

We take the good and the bad and hope that overall we can smile more than shed tears. We hope that we can laugh more than feel defeated. We hope that we can depend on one another when times get a little too hard.

Whether you are a brand new military spouse or a more seasoned one, we all feel that pit in our stomachs, when the orders come, when the date fall, when the buses leave.

We miss them when they are gone, but also understand why they had to go. We make plans to enjoy the time apart but hope that time goes by quickly and doesn’t drag on too much.

As military spouses, we are presented with that rocky road ahead so many times. It might be looking an overseas PCS in the face, or it might be a deployment that came out of nowhere. It might be struggling with a loss in the family, or trying to find your way back after a difficult season.

As military spouses, we also know that we can find the strength to get to the other side. We know that we have done it before, as so many others have done too. We know that we might need to take it one day at a time, but that soon enough we will be at the end, ready for the next season of our lives.

What is your biggest military spouse struggle? What do you do when you are faced with it?

The Anxiety of a Military Spouse When Deployment Comes to an End

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Happy to have this guest post by Megan! Want to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life? Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know! I take pieces on anything milspouse related, from deployment tips to duty station review.

The anxiety of a Military Spouse when deployment comes to an end

The Anxiety of a Military Spouse When Deployment Comes to an End

If you have ever experienced an anxiety attack you will know exactly what I’m talking about. If you’re a military spouse, you will get it even more. Anxiety has a crazy way of messing with your head and your emotions. Before you know it, the anxiety has taken over your entire being and leaves you emotionally and physically exhausted. 

I can remember when my husband first deployed; the anxiety was taking over every ounce of my being. I couldn’t think about anything else. I couldn’t sleep.

Every time I looked at my husband I wanted to cry or throw up. It was like I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to cling to him. I wanted him to cling to me.

I didn’t want him to go. I tried my very best to understand the mission first and it was his duty. But a selfish part of me wanted to throw myself on the floor kicking and screaming. 

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, the morning he left I didn’t shed one tear. The anxiety I had felt for months suddenly went away. I stood there until the buses drove off and waited.

I took a moment to myself standing in the empty parking lot in the cold. I waited for the tears to come. I waited for the anxiety panic attack to kick in. I was prepared for it. But it never did. I got in the car and talked to my dad all the way home and not once shed a tear. 

I was beginning to think something was wrong with me. I got home, drank coffee, and got the kids off to school. I just kept waiting to feel something. Then it hit me.

I walked into our bedroom and looked at our unmade bed and everything I was waiting to hit me did. I fell to the floor with my heart aching an unbearable pain. I couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t stand up.

I sat on the floor sobbing for what seemed like hours but, it was minutes. I reminded myself what I had promised my husband; no matter what I would keep going. So, I got up, wiped my tears, and slowly got dressed for work. I just kept telling myself “you promised him to live your life, to keep going, to take care of our family, and to never quit”. So, I didn’t. 

Now I won’t lie. There have been many times during this deployment that I have cried. Either out of anger, feeling defeated, being scared, being lonely, or just happy tears.

However, I will say for the most part I took all those emotions and shoved them deep down in the pit of my stomach, and refused to let them come up. Any time I started feeling in the feel goods I would stop myself. “Remember Megan, you promised him to keep going”. So, I kept going no matter what. 

Now we are so close to being done. I texted my husband today and told him it was almost unreal. I haven’t allowed myself to think about him coming home for so long. I haven’t let myself count days or think about months.

Now that we are here, all the emotions I had been shoving down are all crashing into me at once. I am scared. I’m excited. I am overwhelmed.

There are so many questions constantly going through my head. What if he doesn’t want me anymore? What if we have both changed so much, we no longer connect?

What will the sex be like? What are his expectations? What are mine? So many questions and no answers. It’s terrifying to think about.

Anytime I start to think about it I tear up and start to cry. I see the Facebook posts and want to cry. I open the boxes full of his clothes and start to cry.

I look around at my messy house and think about everything that needs to be done to prepare for him to come and that really makes me want to cry. My husband is somewhere on a plane coming home to our family and I just can’t wrap my head around it.

It’s been so long since I’ve seen him, touched him, and smelled him. To think about it my heart wants to explode. And the anxiety gets higher and higher.

I try to control it but with every day I can feel the anxiety growing more and more. When will it end? The day before I pick him up? The minute I see him? I don’t know.  

I guess this will be a 2-part post. Right now, I can only write about how I feel as the deployment is coming to an end. Just my thoughts and feelings right now. Once we get to welcome him home and settle into a new normal, I can write about if I was right or wrong.

I will have a better understanding of how all this works. I hope I get to write something wonderful and picture-perfect. I hope my anxiety will calm down long enough for me to enjoy planning him coming home. Until then, I will just write about what I know. So, I will leave this as; “to be continued” …………

My name is Megan Davis. I have a full-time paying job and volunteer jobs that I love. I currently work as a Personnel Supervisor at Westaff where I match people in my community looking for jobs with companies looking for workers. I volunteer as the Family Readiness Group Leader for the 2-108 CAV Squadron in Shreveport. I work with Military Spouse Advocacy Network (MSAN) mentoring other National Guard Spouses. Following these passions, I was recognized as the 2020-2021 Louisiana National Guard Spouse of the Year. I love helping people, specifically military spouses. One of my main goals is to make sure military spouses know they are not alone when trying to navigate through the military world. I want to help give them the courage to speak out and help build a support system for them so they can make it through all the crazy things the military life throws at us. I am also a student at the University of Louisiana at Monroe for my bachelor’s degree in risk management. Graduating from ULM has been my biggest goal for years and I am proud to say I am almost there.

Another Month Down, Another Brave Crate

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Another Month Down, Another Brave Crate

I received a free box for review and this post contains affiliate links!

I am a BIG fan of countdowns. I know not everyone likes them, and I never do them publicly, but for my own sanity, I need to have some type of countdown going. At least to see how far we have come and how much further we might have to go.

Once we hit that one-month mark of a deployment, I can start to look forward to another month down. Each month down is another month closer to that homecoming date.

Have you heard of Brave Crate? They are a monthly box just for military spouses going through a deployment. How awesome is that?

While Brave Crate wasn’t around during our past deployments, if we go through one in the future, I know signing up for the box would be one of the first things I would do. Why?

  • Monthly Mail- Who doesn’t love getting mail? I LOVE it, even more so when my husband was away. I love fun boxes and cool treats. And this monthly box? It is made ALL for the military spouse.
  • Try new products- One of the best things about a monthly box is that it is filled with new products, many I have never seen before. This helps me find new small businesses to order from or to find a new product I can use and love.
  • Made just for us- I LOVE that Brave Crate is made just for military spouses going through a deployment. They have challenges and ways to use the products to get to your goals.
  • The Brave Crate Community- Did you know Brave Crate also has a Facebook group? They are pretty amazing and can be a good place to talk deployments, find new friends, and gush about the latest box.

What’s in the box???

Here is what came in one of my favorite boxes from last year!

Another Month Down, Another Brave Crate
Another Month Down, Another Brave Crate
Another Month Down, Another Brave Crate
Another Month Down, Another Brave Crate
Another Month Down, Another Brave Crate
Another Month Down, Another Brave Crate

How much does Brave Crate cost?

Month-to-month: $39.99/month
3- Month Plan: $36.99/month
6- Month Plan: $33.99/ month

Your membership can be cancelled at any time!

Are you interested in a Brave Crate box? If so head on over and sign up, use the code “SWCL” and receive $5 off your first box!

When They First Leave: Tips for Starting a Deployment

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Happy to have this guest post by Holly. Want to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life? Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know! I take pieces on anything milspouse related, from deployment tips to duty station review.

When They First Leave: Tips for Starting a Deployment

I find that the hardest part of my husband being gone is always right at the beginning and then at the end. I always feel “lost” for a few days, adjusting to our new normal without him, and then I feel so stressed at the end getting ready for him to come home and trying to make sure everything is just right. This post tackles my tips for those first few days away…

Make Time for You

I know what you’re thinking, “don’t worry, he’s gone, I have tons of time for myself”, but really, on the first night alone, take some time for yourself and enjoy it. I always pour a bubble bath, grab a good book, and watch a chick flick on Netflix.

I love stretching out in the bed and controlling the remote (which usually never happens). Also, think about using this time to better yourself. Eat healthy, make time for the gym, and read that new self-help book you’ve been too busy to open. Not only will this help you pass the time, but you’ll make some positive changes that you can continue once he returns.

Spend Time with Friends

After you’ve had enough “me time”, search out your besties and find something fun to do. Sometimes that’s going out for a girl’s night, hitting up a concert, or even just grilling on the deck. Spend some time with the girls and build up those relationships.

Struggling to make friends in a new place? Try visiting with moms at school, daycare, or sporting events. Visit with other ladies at the gym or search out new friends at work. This is a great time to hang out with new people and check in on those you haven’t been able to visit with for a while.

Make Special Time with Your Children

One of the small blessings of my husband being gone is how close my son and I are. We spend lots of time together, just the two of us, and we have a great relationship. We try and do fun activities together and make new memories, even when my husband can’t be there to enjoy them with us.

I’ve found myself getting braver as he gets older too. We go camping together, weekend trips, and we’ve even ventured on a few road trips, just the two of us.

Whether this is the first time he has left or the tenth, these three tips seem to help get us through whatever military life throws at us. I figure you can look at their absence as an awful burden or as an opportunity to gain insight into yourself and build relationships; the latter makes for a much happier you and therefore a much happier military family in the trips to come.

Holly Corcoran is a military wife of 10 years, mom to one adorable and resilient seven-year-old, and third-grade teacher living in the flyover states. She juggles home, parenting, and teaching, while also sometimes taking calls from Afghanistan. Connecting with other military spouses and friends is a constant reminder “we’re always under the same sky.”

Oh, Afghanistan…

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Oh, Afghanistan…

I see you. I see you in the news. I am not sure how to feel.

Oh, Afghanistan…

The place my husband has been, where so many men and women have had to go over the years.

Oh, Afghanistan…

A place that has been so much a part of my world for so very long. A place I really don’t know too much about myself.

Oh, Afghanistan…

The deployments, the endless deployments to ensure America’s freedom. The endless deployments, as we military families stay behind and hope and pray. The endless deployments, ones that didn’t bring all of our men and women home.

As I log onto Facebook this morning, I see so many thoughts and opinions about what is going on. People asking for prayers. People asking for understanding. People who are angry.

I feel weird even thinking about how to respond. I feel weird even having an opinion on it all. I wasn’t the one that went there. I wasn’t the one that put on that uniform.

But then I remember. I remember when my husband left for Afghanistan when our baby was two months old. I remember not knowing if he would be back a few months later or in over a year or even if at all.

I remember when he had to go again a few years later. During a time that hit me hard. During a time when I felt at my lowest and needed a husband by my side.

But he wore the uniform. And he went where he was told to go. I couldn’t even get to the point where I could decide if Afghanistan was worth it. He was serving our country. He was doing his part.

I have to leave that to the other people. To those, we vote into office. To the American people who make those votes. To those who have more power over the situation than I will ever have.

As a military spouse, I can’t nitpick a reason why my husband had to go away. I can’t overthink if everything we had to give up to do so was worth the sacrifice. I just can’t and I won’t. My brain won’t let me do that.

As a military spouse, Afghanistan was where my husband had to go. Just like Iraq was where he had to go. They are deployments. They are “downrange” and filled with so much emotion when we say their names.

Oh, Afghanistan…these last 20 years. Have they been in vain? Have they all been for nothing? I sure hope not.

I sure hope that in these last 20 years, good has been done. I sure hope that in these last 20 years, there has truly been a fight for freedom. I sure hope that the time and the money and the sacrifice has been worth it.

I have to believe it. I can’t think that it wasn’t.

As we turn on the news and it seems that everything is falling away, I hope we can remember what was accomplished. I hope we can truly see the good that was done.

There is so much blame. Who is really at fault?

We have questions. So many questions. As I watch some of the children of the men my husband first deployed with put on the uniform too. As I know my own children are just a few years away from being old enough to do the same. I wonder why this has become a multi-generational war?

We have questions. Should we have not pulled out? Should we have stayed longer? Maybe a few more years?

Or maybe we should have left years ago? Maybe there was a better time to do so?

And as we are living in the middle of this pandemic that doesn’t want to end, as we are living with so many other frustrations, is this yet another one we will have to add to our list of things to worry about?

Us military families, what happens in the news can and does hit us hard. Will this hit us hard? Will this mean more deployments? Will this mean longer deployments?

We know in our hearts how much Afghanistan has turned our lives upside down. We know how much pain some of our service members are in because of it. And we worry that what is going on now will cause feelings of defeat or that the military sacrifices don’t matter.

We post 9/11 military families have been through so very much. We have said goodbye way too many times. And at this point, we are wondering what will be next?

Oh, Afghanistan…these are just the words of one military spouse. One who loves and cares. And is trying to make sense out of it all.

Just Another Deployment Night

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It’s another deployment night when the sun fades away, and the lights go on, and we are reminded of the distance.

They have been gone a while, too long really, and yet the days on the calendar don’t want to turn as quickly as we hope they would.

No one is coming home for dinner, no one is going to be there to help with the kids, no one will be there to snuggle with once they go to bed. Those are things that will have to wait. Wait until the deployment is over.

It’s another deployment night, a time to reflect, and figure out what we can do to better ourselves. There are fewer distractions, and time to journal, and to work on our own goals.

As military spouses, we so often have to give up a dream. Or two dreams. Or three.

But a deployment can be a time to figure what chasing our dreams during military life is really going to look like. What we can do vs what we can’t. What will work, and what do we truly want to do.

But even so, even with more time to breathe, we can feel the overwhelm that the deployment brings. We can feel the pressure of having to do all the things, for all the people. The feeling of never being able to have the energy to get our to-do list done.

It’s another deployment night, and as you look at the empty side of the bed, you can’t help but think of all the things you miss about them. Their smile. Their laugh. The way you love to do life with them.

You think about all that will happen when they come home. You worry a bit too, not sure how the transition will go. You two have been living separate lives, and they will be dealing with all the deployment brought.

Still, you think about how once they do get home, you won’t have to miss their smile anymore. They will be laughing alongside you again, and you will get back to making those memories that you hold near and dear.

As the sun goes down on another deployment night, you won’t how many more deployments or separations you might have in the future. You pray you get a big long break between this one and the next. But you know no matter how long they will be home, the time will never be long enough.

You find a new series to watch on Netflix or Hulu, hoping that diving into a new fictional world will make the nights not seem too long. And that works, until it doesn’t. But you keep on trying because you have to stay busy and you have to keep your mind going.

You grab your calendar, trying to find fun things to do. You want to stay busy, but sometimes you just don’t want to have to do anything. Still, you know staying busy is important. Time will go faster that way.

Days pass, nights pass, and you finally find yourself towards the end. 30 days to go…20, now 10. This deployment is almost over. Through all the days apart. Through the long deployment nights. The end is in sight, and all you can think is, wow, I did it. I made it through this deployment.

The deployment part of military life is never easy. Yet deployments come, whether we are ready for them or not. The best thing to do is find ways to get through a deployment, even if that is one day at a time. Take a look at my other deployment blog posts for more ideas and encouragement on getting through a deployment.

Going Through a Deployment With Children

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Happy to have this guest post by Holly on going through a deployment with children. Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know if you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life too.

Going Through a Deployment With Children

The orders are cut and the news is official: your spouse is ready for another military deployment. As you’re trying to wrap your brain around the upcoming challenges, those tiny hands tug at your jeans needing another cup of juice. And then you remember, as much as a deployment is hard on you, you’ve got children to think about too.

What do you say? How do you tell them? How do you help them prepare and cope?

Decide on the Best Time

I’m not sure there’s any right answer here, but from my experience, the answer depends on the child’s age. When my son was toddler-aged, we usually didn’t tell him about upcoming deployments; he wouldn’t understand and with no concept of days, weeks, months, we would only be setting him up for anxiousness. Now that my son is 5, he knows that suitcases mean Daddy is leaving and he starts to ask questions.

Now that he’s older, we start talking to him only when my husband starts packing and there are visible changes around our house. We read our military deployment books and my husband schedules a day of fun activities with him before he leaves. 

Going Through a Deployment With Children

We love this book from Usborne Books!

Include Them

What started out as a cute Pinterest idea, turned into a lifesaver for us during deployments. We have a Deployment Wall in my office at home and my son loves to view where Daddy is on the map and talk about what time is it in “daddy’s time.” We have pins marked for home, and then all of the locations my husband has been sent.

We have a clock that marks the time change and then an erasable frame with his address, making it easy to find when we send care packages. My son also loves to send Daddy his artwork from school, so there’s a clipboard where we save it until the next package is sent. 

Going Through a Deployment With Children

Our “Deployment Wall”

Recognize their Feelings

It’s hard to juggle it all, for sure, but it’s important to remember that little people don’t always have the maturity to handle their concerned feelings the same way that we do. When my husband leaves, I’m always sure to let his teachers know that there’s a change at home and to update me with behavior changes. When he was younger, they often commented that he would be more whiny or anxious. 

Now, he usually wants to talk about Daddy and their latest conversations at school. Sometimes it’s hard to recognize their concerns in the pouting and whining, but that may be how they’re expressing their emotions about the deployment.  

With a little bit of patience and a whole lot of love, your family will survive and thrive through the challenges that come with military life. The blessing is that your children grow up knowing the true meaning of sacrifice, honor and patriotism because they see it in their parents every day.

Holly Corcoran is a military wife of 10 years, mom to one adorable and resilient seven-year-old, and third-grade teacher living in the flyover states. She juggles home, parenting, and teaching, while also sometimes taking calls from Afghanistan. Connecting with other military spouses and friends is a constant reminder “we’re always under the same sky.”

Leaving For a Deployment: a Long and Sad Day

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Happy to have this guest post by Kassie on the day her husband left for deployment. Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know if you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life too.

Leaving For a Deployment: a Long and Sad Day

What a long, long, and sad day.  

I haven’t felt this heartbroken in almost 10 years. That was his last deployment. Now we face another.

For a whole year. A whole damn year. With no visits home like before. And now with 4 kids.

I could scream. But I cry. Hard. Uncontrollable. On the floor. Hidden in my closet. Away from our kids who I am supposed to be so strong far. I can’t fake it. So I hide. 

I can’t stand to see my kids so upset. It breaks me to see our 16-year-old beauty so devastated to go through this for the 3rd time.

Our 8-year-old holds his sadness so tight inside. He only shows me watery eyes as he twists his tongue to avoid his pain.

Our 6-year-old, gosh. She asks so many questions. My answers make her sadder. And she cries more.

Our little one-year-old. The one I thought I could protect emotionally because she’s too young to understand, right? No, she understands. Going from room to room looking for “dada.” Even the dog is sad. She hasn’t moved from our bed since 5 am this morning. When he left. 

I don’t have many pictures to post. I didn’t take very many….. I know, I know….. memories! Trust me, I don’t need pictures to ever remember how terribly crushed my kids were to tell their dad goodbye.

Their tear-stained faces won’t ever be forgotten. I don’t need pics to remember how foggy my mind was driving at 5 am to where we would split our hearts in half.

I didn’t need pictures to remember the chest pains I had as he got on that bus. That infamous bus. It has become my frienemy over the years. 

After we parted ways, I came home. With half a heart.

All his stuff is just there. His shirt hanging off the tub. His half-tied running shoes. His toothpaste with the cap off. His body towel is on the floor near the shower. His deodorant on his counter that I love the smell of. All that crushed me. 

It’s my 3rd rodeo. I know how this all goes. It doesn’t make it easier. I know it will get better. Just feels like my heart will literally shatter any minute. 

What a long, long and sad day.

Hey there! My name is Kassie. Superhero by day and tired by 730 at night. I’m a self-proclaimed comedian and a #BadMomOf4. We’ve been a Louisiana Army family for 20 yrs plus. My sweetheart is a Major and I’m just a major pain and our kids are majorly cute. See what I did there?? K, byeeeeeeee. https://www.facebook.com/kassie.jo.broussard

Going through a deployment? Make sure to check out my other deployment blog posts here!