Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Julie

To the National Guard Spouse, During These Times

by 2 Comments

To the National Guard Spouse, During These Times

If you are married to a member of the National Guard, you know they might get deployed. The National Guard does go on deployments to places like Iraq, Afghanistan, and other parts of the world, just like the active duty military does. They can also get activated or called up when the country needs them.

The National Guard will go and help after a hurricane or tornado. They assist in disaster relief and have even been activated to be at the border. But now, it looks like they are going to be needed once again, to help our country during this COVID- 19 crisis.

If you are a National Guard spouse, you either know your spouse is going to have to go or know that they could be. While other friends are getting ready to spend possibly more time with their spouse, you are on the edge of your seat wondering when and if they have to go. And when they do, what they will have to do, and how long they will be away.

So to my fellow National Guard spouses, this isn’t an easy time for us. We might not be sure what is going to happen. We are just not sure how this will all play out. And the public doesn’t always respond well when the National Guard is called up.

And the thing is, we really can’t talk to anyone who has been through this exact type of thing before. Because what is happening now, hasn’t ever happened before. The entire world is dealing with this virus and we are not sure how long any of this will last.

So what can we do? How can we stay sane through all of this? How do we handle all the emotions that come with waiting to find out what will happen with our National Guard service member?

A lot of what we can do is similar to the unknowns associated with a regular deployment. I know for me, during deployments, there were times when I had no idea when my husband would be home.

Maybe two months, maybe six? I really didn’t know. I didn’t know what the future looked like or how long I would have to solo parent. I just had to take it day by day. And that is how I am going to have to go about this in these times.

I am going to need to stay busy, although how I normally stay busy is going to have to change. I can’t go meet a friend for lunch right now or take my kids to very many places. Movies are out. Chuck E Cheese is out. Playgrounds are out. We have to stay at home as much as possible which I know is going to be challenging.

If my spouse does have to go away, that will add another layer to this staying at home business. It won’t make it easier that’s for sure, but I am hoping we can find a good way to handle all this. We might have to be more creative.

We National Guard spouses will also have the fear of what our spouse is going to be doing. Will they be in contact with the virus? Will the public become afraid of them? It’s so hard to know what being activated or called up for this will entail.

I am going to try to stay away from being fearful or all the what-ifs. That’s a hard road for me to go down. I want to stay positive. But that isn’t always easy for me to do.

I also know, this might be yet another challenge for us to endure. Life isn’t always easy and as a National Guard soldier, this is a part of his job. Still, that doesn’t mean it is going to be easy to get through, no matter how long it might last.

If you are a National Guard spouse too, know that I am right there with you. This is a scary time, but at least we can help each other through. Know that no matter what happens, we are not alone and not the only ones going through this. That is so important to remember.

I thought I had this year figured out. But everything has been turned on its head. From school, to how we spend our free time, and now to what my husband is going to be doing. I’m going to try to take it one day at a time.

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.” –Mary Anne Radmacher

Your 2020 Reading Guide: Where To Get Books, and 5-Star Reads to Add to Your Reading List

by 1 Comment

5-Star Reads to Add to Your Reading List

This post does contain affiliate links!

How are you all doing with being stuck at home? Finding enough things to do? Do you have enough books?

As a big reader myself, I am hoping that I will have some extra time to read while I need to be at home. I love to read and already read as much as I can. But, now, I can do even more of it.

While you might not be able to get out to a bookstore or the library, there are options for bringing books into your home:

  • You can read from a Kindle and connect to your library to rent books virtually.
  • You can set up apps like Overdrive and Hoopla, also through your library, to listen to audiobooks free of charge.
  • You can buy from sites like Amazon, Target, or Barnes and Noble.
  • You can order online from independent bookstores.
  • You can shop for Kindle deals and markdowns on different books.
  • You can take advantage of some of the authors offering free books during this time. Colleen Hoover has done this!
  • You can sign up for the Book of the Month and be able to choose a new book once a month. I LOVE Book of the Month and would recommend it to any book lover.

As for what you should read? That depends, what are your favorite genres? Looking for ideas? Here is where you can go to find book recommendations:

I also wanted to share some of my 5-star reads for you to add to your list:

Fiction:

  • All Your Perfects by Colleen Hoover
  • Followers by Megan Angelo
  • Such a Fun Age by Kiley Reid
  • Dear Edward by Ann Napolitano
  • The Sun Down Motel by Simone St. James
  • American Royals by Katharine McGee
  • Regretting You by Colleen Hoover
  • She’s Come Undone by Wally Lamb
  • The Things We Cannot Say by Kelly Rimmer
  • Firefly Lane by Kristin Hannah
  • Mrs. Everything by Jennifer Weiner
  • Park Avenue Summer by Renee Rosen
  • Lock Every Door by Riley Sager
  • The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein

Non-Fiction:

I think reading can be so therapeutic during any difficult time. While we are all going through this time with Coronavirus, I hope you can find time to read and work on your TBR. I know for me, reading will be one of my saving graces during this new normal.

Please share your favorite books or book resources!!!

Our New Normal, Under Coronavirus

by 3 Comments

Our New Normal, Under Coronavirus

Schools are closed. Churches are closed. Disneyland is closed. Coronavirus is here and changing everything about our lives.

Is this real life? That is the question I have kept asking myself the last few days. Can all of this really be happening? What does it mean for us? What does it mean for my kids?

The truth is, we are living in a new normal, and we don’t know how long things are going to be so different. We don’t know what things will be like a few days from now, a few weeks from now, or a few months from now. And while in some ways, it can remind you a bit of military life, we are used to canceling plans after all, it still feels like we are going to be living in a new normal.

On Friday night, right before I went to bed, I saw the news coming out from the DOD. The military made some decisions that will affect service members, and their families, especially those getting ready for a PCS.

Military.com has posted, Here’s What the Coronavirus Travel Ban Means for Military Families, which is super helpful to know what is going on with the travel ban and if it affects you and your situation. Army Wife 101 also has a great post on what is changing as it refers to military families.

As I read the news, I already know how hard this was going to be on military families. Those about to leave a duty station they can’t wait to get away from, families who are temporarily separated waiting for children to finish up the school year, and those that are just unsure about what will happen the next few months.

In this new normal with Coronavirus, life is going to be strange. And we all don’t even know what living this way means. Every day means new news, and new closures, and new worries. But we just have to keep on doing what we can to stay healthy and get through this time.

So many of us will be home with our kids for who knows how long. Our local schools here are only supposed to be closed until the end of the month but I can’t see this all being over by then. I am preparing myself for them being home much longer than that.

We are supposed to be practicing social distancing, which is why so many places and events are closed or will be closing, but I know how hard that can be. Being home with small children can be a challenge, not being able to go anywhere, will be an added one. Even though I know social distancing is what we are supposed to do, getting my mind around the realities of it isn’t easy.

It is one thing to have your kids off of school. Spring break is coming up and we are used to that. It is another thing to stop playdates, trips out to places like Chucky Cheese or the bowling ally, or anywhere else where we probably shouldn’t go during this time.

I know my plan is to try to just take it day by day. I am going to try to think of positive things we can do at home, and make the best of this time together. But I am only human and I know it is going to affect me emotionally, it already has.

I work from home full-time, so while I can work from home while my kids are there, it is going to be a bit of a challenge for me. Before this week I felt like I had finally found a good groove with my work at home life and of course, all that will be different now. I need to adjust my mindset a bit.

I think too it is so important that we remember to have love and grace for others during this time. Not everyone is in the same situation, and what might seem like a minor disappointment to one, is truly hard for another to take.

Hearing that your PCS orders have changed or that you won’t see your spouse when you thought you would can be pretty upsetting. Even if you understand the reasons why. Even if you know it is for the safety of everyone.

We don’t all have the same resources, and we won’t all experience the same changes with this new normal with Coronavirus. Some will be able to work from home during this time, and others will have to go without a paycheck. Some will be able to be surrounded by family and others will be alone. Some will have extra resources, and others will have to make do with what they have.

I also think it is important to be aware of what is actually going on. You can follow the CDC’s website for a lot of good information. You should also be aware of what is happening in your state and local community. So far, a lot of what is happening is based on where you are living.

Know that even though this is scary, and even though there are so many unknowns, we are all in this together. Let’s be kind to one another, extend a lot of grace, and try to make our way through this new, hopefully, temporary normal.

When Your Countdown Gets Delayed

by

When Your Countdown Gets Delayed

It was April and my husband would be home in June. Only a couple more months to go. I sat down at my computer in my apartment in Germany and looked through all of the summer dresses. I would need to pick something out for homecoming.

I decided to look later and headed to bed, completely unaware of what the next day would bring. Completely unaware of how everything would change and how I wouldn’t need a summer homecoming dress after all.

That next day, we heard the news. The men were not coming back in June, they were being extended and this deployment would go from nine months to twelve just like that.

As military spouses, we know things change all the time. Orders change, locations change, dates change.

We know this and yet, we still hope they don’t. We still wonder if we might be the lucky ones where dates don’t change, and everything happens the way we think it should.

But the reality is, things don’t always go so smoothly during our military spouse lives. We are always having to adjust. Even if it is very hard to do so.

When I heard on the news that all military travel and moves were on hold in Italy and South Korea because of the Coronavirus, I thought about how this was going to be a delay for some military families. And while this one isn’t because of military reasons, it is still a delay.

I know there are some military families who have been counting down the days until their move. I know there are military spouses who assumed their loved one would be back in their arms this month. I know there is a lot of disappointment because of this.

And maybe you have been through this too. Maybe you have been through a deployment extension, or maybe your PCS orders got moved from May to September. Maybe you planned everything out with your kids and their schedules only to be told everything was going to change.

When your countdown gets delayed, no matter what it is for, it is hard to not get extremely frustrated by the whole thing. I know for me, I tend to go down the “what if” hole rather quickly.

What if it gets delayed again?

What if we miss doing something we had planned?

What if this happens every time we PCS or for every deployment?

Because my husband’s first deployment was extended, I had a fear it would happen each and every time. It was so difficult to let go of that. Worried that he would get extended again was always in the back of my head.

And sure, the best thing to do would be to assume the longest time possible, but that is hard to do in reality. When you have young kids, and struggling through each day, the last thing you want to do is tell yourself it is okay if this deployment also gets extended past a year.

So what should you do when your countdown gets delayed? How can you stay calm? Here is what worked for me:

1) Find friends to get through the delay with.

See if anyone else is going through the same thing. The good thing about going through the extension where we were stationed is that almost every single military spouse was going through it too. It was a pretty small post and we were able to come together to help one another through.

2) Make more plans.

Fill up that calendar. Go somewhere every day if that is possible. Staying busy is going to help you, and keep your mind off the waiting. Because that is what a delay is about. Just more waiting.

If you are not able to get out and do stuff away from home, make fun plans inside your home. Start a new hobby, teach your kids something new, or have a movie marathon. You want to avoid just sitting there being sad about your situation, time does not pass that way.

3) Don’t go down the rabbit hole

This is going to be the hardest part. I can go down this hole rather quickly and it gets me so upset. All the “what ifs” can mess with your head.

Talk things over with your spouse, try to focus on any of the good things you are going through at the moment, and no matter what the delay is, things will get moving again eventually.

4) Learn from it all.

I learned a lot from my husband’s delayed homecoming date. It wasn’t always fun, and I cried a lot of tears.

But after he got home, I was able to look back and learn from everything I went through. I was able to pull the good out of the situation and even though I wouldn’t want to go through all of that again, I was glad that I learned something from the experience.

I think sometimes that is all we can do with a stressful delay of any kind. We know they can happen, but when they do, they can really throw us off.

I hope that whatever delay you are experiencing you can find ways to make it through. That you can get through this with friends, family, and by finding creative ways to do so. You got this military spouse!

“Life is a cycle, always in motion, if good times have moved on, so will times of trouble” – Indian proverb

The Top 10 Takeaways From Military Family Lifestyle Survey

by 1 Comment

This post is sponsored by Blue Star Families!

Have you heard of the Blue Star Families Annual Military Family Lifestyle Survey? This survey provides a comprehensive understanding of the experiences and challenges encountered by military families. It is a yearly snapshot of the state of military families.

The data from the survey isn’t just to share with military families, it is also there to help change things for the better. It helps to inform national leaders, local communities, and philanthropic actors. It helps increase dialogue between the military community and broader American society, minimizing the civilian-military divide and supporting the health and sustainability of the all-volunteer force.

Blue Star Families conducted its 10th annual Military Family Lifestyle Survey from May through June 2019. They had over 11,000 respondents, including active duty service members, veterans, National Guard, Reserve, and their immediate family members.

The Blue Star Families Annual Military Family Lifestyle Survey is the largest and most comprehensive survey of the military and their families.

There is a lot of information in the survey, so I wanted to highlight the top 10 takeaways based on the top trends and findings for 2019.

Military families act to offset the impact of relocation on their children’s education, an issue that continues to be a top-five issue of concern for respondents.

Military families have concerns around family stability and dependent children’s education. Some are either turning to homeschooling, or voluntary separation from their service member.

Availability and affordability of childcare are barriers that negatively impact service members’ pursuit of employment and/or education.

Not being able to find or afford good childcare is making it difficult to pursue employment or educational goals.

Military spouse respondents who are unemployed indicate their top challenge to working is service member day-to-day job demands making it difficult to balance work and home demands.

A service member’s day-to-day job demands is a top barrier to employment among military spouses. Top barriers do however differ when children are present.

Three-fourths of employed military spouse respondents experience some degree of underemployment; this issue persists among spouses of veterans.

77% of employed military spouses and 68% of veteran spouses report at least one circumstance of underemployment.

Potential impacts on a service member’s career is the most common reason for not seeking treatment for active-duty, National Guard, and Reserve family respondents who had seriously considered attempting suicide/had attempted suicide in the past year.

40% of military, veteran, National Guard, and Reserve family respondents, who had seriously considered attempting suicide in the past year, and received help after the most recent incident, did not find it helpful and 8% couldn’t find that help at all.

Families enrolled in the Exceptional Family Member Program (EFMP) report difficulty obtaining specialty medical care in a reasonable amount of time after a relocation.

40% of military family respondents who have an EFMP Family Member are unable to obtain a referral and be seen by a specialist in a reasonable amount of time after relocating.

Military family respondents caring for a child with special needs report their community does not have all the resources their family needs.

More than a 3rd (36%) of military family respondents feel like their community doesn’t have all the recourses their family needs.

National Guard and Reserve families feel local civilian support agencies are not effective in addressing their needs.

Nearly one half of National Guard and Reserve families feel their local civilian support agencies are not effective in addressing their needs.

Military and veteran family respondents who perceive that civilians in their local communities have greater military family lifestyle competence feel a greater sense of belonging to that community.

40% of military family respondents don’t feel a sense of belonging to their local civilian community.

The majority of military families have a positive experience with their children’s schools but identify improvement opportunities related to the Interstate Compact on Educational Opportunity for Military Children.

The majority of families with school-aged children report their oldest child is thriving at school, but feel schools can improve.

Please take the time to head on over to Blue Star Families and download the survey results. There is a lot of information there, and it would be helpful for any military family member to read the results and learn more about the military community in general. Knowing what the struggles and frustrations as well as about what is going well for the military community is important.

On Supporting Your Spouse’s Military Career

by

On Supporting Your Spouse's Military Career

Military spouses all come from different places. Some met their spouse after they were already in the Military. Others started the journey together after a few years of marriage.

Some met, married and became a military spouse all within the same year. Ask any group of spouses about how they became one and you will find there are a lot of different answers.

One thing is clear. No matter when you became a Military spouse, you want to do what you can to support your service member.

But how do you support your spouse’s military career if you are frustrated with the Military life and want something different? What if your career is on hold because of military life but you don’t want to wait anymore? What is the best way to support them when life gets in the way?

When it comes to the Military, some people join for just a few years and others make it a career. Some service members don’t know what they want to do when they start.

Some service members want to go career and decide not to, others want to do a couple of years and then end up going career.

The main thing is figuring out what your service member is thinking, what will work best for your family as well as a general plan of what the next few years will look like. For my husband and me, when he joined, it was for three years, then we would readjust and see where we were at.

Keep in mind that things can change when it comes to military career plans.

There are a lot of people who wanted to make it 20 years but had to get out for different reasons. Things change and the whole family has to adapt. This can also be extremely difficult for the service member and the spouse.

Keeping the line of communication open is very important. There is a BIG difference between a soldier who wants to be in for the rest of his career and one that is getting out in a couple of years. They have different goals and should make different plans.

You need to know where your spouse stands. If the Military is something they have always wanted to do, if they have signed up and working towards promotions, you need to be able to be there for them.

If you enjoy Military life and your spouse really wants to get out and do something else, stand by them too. Be there and work together to come up with a plan for after the Military life.

The most important thing, military or not, career military or one enlistment, is that you are on the same page and support one another.

This isn’t always going to be easy, but it is something we military spouses know too well. And as times change, it will get easier and easier to be able to accomplish your own goals, right along with your service member spouse.

In today’s military, military spouses work full-time, they go to school, they work from home, and they work hard for change when there are roadblocks.

Being married to a service member, unfortunately, means you will have to sacrifice something.

Maybe you assumed you would be raising children down the street from where you grew up, but now your spouse just got orders to Germany. Maybe you assumed that you would stay at the same company for years, but then the love of your life felt they needed to join the military, and all that changed. Maybe you never thought you would have to say goodbye to your spouse for months at a time, but that is exactly what military life has brought you.

The reality is, supporting your service member isn’t always going to be easy but there are little things we can do to show we care. From care packages, to love letters, to simply being the person back at home they can count on.

Be open with your spouse, check-in with one another, and be the one they can count on during military life.

How have you personally supported your spouse’s military career over the years?

To the Mamas Raising the Little Tiny Kids

by 1 Comment

To the Mamas Raising the Little Tiny Kids

My “baby” is 9, my oldest son, who was just one year old when my husband joined the Army, is 15. Sometimes I can’t even wrap my mind around that. I know it is cliche to say, but where did the time go?

How did we go from diapers to driving lessons? Time moves on and your babies grow up and that’s just how it goes.

There was a time when I had little tiny kids too. As I watch my Mommy friends with the little ones, it takes me back. I can still remember so much about those days. And they really don’t seem like that long ago.

I might be getting my oldest ready to learn how to drive but it wasn’t too long ago that I was the mom with the one and three-year-old. I had two in diapers for far too long. I remember that stage so very well.

Because of my oldest son’s speech delay, I didn’t have a child I could have a conversation with for many many years. I was the mom with the kids at home trying to make it through the day, each and every day, all year long, and sometimes during a deployment.

I remember how difficult it was to do just about anything. Those ages can wear a mama down. There is so much physical work associated with them. And it’s really hard for kids that young to help you in a way that can make things a little easier for you as a mom.

To The Moms Of The Really Little Kids

So, to the mamas raising the little tiny kids, know that the difficult stage you are currently in will eventually end and a new one will take its place. Some new stages will be harder, others a little easier.

Know that it is okay to feel tired. It’s ok to feel like this will always be your life. But as a mom of older kids, things will change, I promise.

Your children will enter new phases. You won’t always have diapers to change, sippy cups to refill, and strollers to put in your trunk. You won’t always have to sit through Peppa Pig or Paw Patrol. Your kids will grow out of all of that.

I would tell you to “cherish every moment” but you already know that. You know that this time will pass. Deep down you really do know this.

With every picture you take you are aware of the passing of time. So I won’t tell you to cherish this time. I will tell you it gets easier in a lot of ways.

I know not all moms of older kids feel that way. This is something that might just depend on your experiences but as some who had a pretty difficult time with toddlers, things did get easier as my children have gotten older.

I can tell you that you will feel more and more like yourself as your kids get older. I will also tell you that you will always want the best for them and that you will always worry. I am 41 and I know my mom still worries about me.

But motherhood evolves. It changes as your children change. From one stage to the next.

Keep doing what you are doing. Keep loving your children and helping them each day. You are doing a good job and things should get easier in a few years.

Life is funny. And as your kids get older, your life will change from season to season. So to the mamas raising the little tiny kids, us mamas with the older kids have been there and understand.

So take a deep breath, find ways to take care of you, and enjoy those sweet baby and toddler smiles and giggles. They are what you will remember the most as time moves on and your babies get older. And what makes the stage your in so wonderful no matter how difficult it might be.

Just Another MilSpouse Valentine’s Day

by Leave a Comment

Just Another MilSpouse Valentine's Day

You can head to your local Target before it is even January 1st and be hit in the face with Valentine’s everything. That stuff shows up way before your ready and seems to stick around way too long. All for one day in February.

As a military spouse, this day can be pretty frustrating. If your spouse is deployed, if your boyfriend is away at basic, if your service member is off training somewhere, you kinda just want to skip the whole thing.

At the same time, you wouldn’t mind getting some flowers, eating some conversation hearts, and even doing something special for your kids.

It’s just another milspouse Valentine’s day, and your emotions are all over the place.

Should you send your spouse a Valentine’s Day care package? Should you host a Galentine’s Day party instead? What if you just don’t want anything to do with the day?

The good news is, you can do what you want, and make Valentine’s Day what you want. You can do what works for you and your family and you don’t have to feel guilty about it.

So, for a milspouse Valentine’s Day, you can:

Go all out

For some, Valentine’s day is all about the red, the pink, and the glitter. If this is you, send a fun Valentine’s Day care package. If your spouse is home, plan for a nice homecooked dinner or make reservations at a local restaurant.

Find a fun present your spouse or partner will love and do what you can to make them feel special. Decorate your home, and get all the candy hearts. There are so many ideas on Pinterest, from making yummy treats, to creating some amazing homemade Valentines.

Celebrate with friends

Galentine’s Day is February 13th, but that doesn’t mean you can’t actually celebrate with friends on the 14th. Maybe everyone’s spouse is deployed and you want to plan a special potluck. Maybe you just want to get together for lunch to enjoy your friendship.

Celebrating friendship is a fun way to celebrate Valentine’s Day. Especially in the milspouse world when our sweethearts are across the ocean. Have fun with it and turn Valentine’s Day into a today for friends.

Celebrate with your kids

Kids always love a good celebration. Bake some Valentine’s Day cookies, put together a fun basket, or just enjoy the night with fun heart-shaped foods.

Help your kids make valentines with your kids for their class. Sometimes this means finding a fun idea on Pinterest and other times adding a couple of candy hearts to a Star Wars pack you got at the Commissary. Don’t put any pressure on yourself or your kids to do something you don’t want to do. In the end, kids love all the valentines they get, no matter how long they took to make.

Do nothing at all

Maybe you are just over Valentine’s Day and sick of wondering year after year if your spouse will even be home for the holiday. I know for us there were quite a few years in a row where my husband was gone, either on deployment or training over February 14th. I think one year he might have even left on Valentine’s Day!

You don’t even have to do anything with the day. You don’t have to give anyone a Valentine’s Day card, and you don’t have to put a lot of pressure on yourself to have that perfect holiday. After all, wasn’t Valentine’s Day made up by a card company anyway?

Whatever you decide to do this year, enjoy it. Maybe this year you are just going to ignore this February holiday, knowing that next year you could do something different. Maybe you just want to celebrate with your friends or family. Enjoy! And make sure to go back to Target on February 15th to get your half-priced chocolate 🙂