Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

military life

Junior-Enlisted Service Members and Their Families Heading Home for the Holidays Through Jack Daniel’s and the Armed Services YMCA’s “Operation Ride Home”

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More Than 10,000 Individuals Have Traveled From Their Military Bases 
to See Loved Ones Across the County Through the Program Since 2011

The Jack Daniel Distillery and the Armed Services YMCA (ASYMCA) said today that nearly 2,000 junior-enlisted service members and families will be making the trip home to see loved ones this holiday season through their “Operation Ride Home” (ORH) program. 

Jack Daniel’s once again kicked off this year’s campaign with a $100,000 donation — bringing its overall ORH commitment to more than $1.2 million — and is asking friends to visit operationridehome.com where they can contribute to the cause. More than $2.3 million in overall donations have provided travel funding over the past 12 years.

Since its founding in 2011, Operation Ride Home has provided financial assistance to active-duty, junior-enlisted military and their families to travel from their base of duty to homes across the country.  More than 10,000 people have traveled by airplane or car through ORH.  Service men and women from the Army, Marine Corps, Navy, Air Force and Coast Guard have been assisted with travel to all 50 states.

“From Alaska to Virginia, our hero junior-enlisted military and those with families will be able to leave their bases and make it home to share the warmth of the holiday season through Operation Ride Home,” said Chris Fletcher, Jack Daniel’s Master Distiller.  “It is an honor and privilege to support these heroes who otherwise would not have the means to make it to see their loved ones.  We hope our friends will join us to get as many of them home as we can this year.”

“Going home for the holidays is a privilege that many military families miss out on far too often due to the expense of travel, said Armed Services YMCA President and CEO, VADM Bill French, USN (Ret.).  “Thanks to our terrific partnership with Jack Daniel’s, the Armed Services YMCA has removed the financial barrier for junior enlisted service members and their families.  Our service members deserve to be with the ones they love the most this holiday season.”    

The ASYMCA works with the various military commands in specific areas co-located with ASYMCA branches to identify and prioritize junior-enlisted service members and families most in financial need. Plane tickets and pre-paid debit cards are given to assist those traveling.

Operation Ride Home is open to active-duty E-5 and below, both single and married, who might not otherwise financially be able to travel home. The option to drive or fly is an individual decision. For additional information on eligibility and to view participating installations that qualify for travel assistance, please visit https://www.asymca.org/operation-ride-home.

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About Jack Daniel’s:

Officially registered by the U.S. Government in 1866 and based in Lynchburg, Tenn., the Jack Daniel Distillery is the first registered distillery in the United States and is on the National Register of Historic Places. Jack Daniel’s is the maker of the world-famous Jack Daniel’s Old No. 7 Tennessee Whiskey, Gentleman Jack Double Mellowed Tennessee Whiskey, Jack Daniel’s Single Barrel Tennessee Whiskey, Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Honey, Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Fire, Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Apple, Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Rye, Jack Daniel’s Sinatra Select and Jack Daniel’s Country Cocktails. Today, Jack Daniel’s is a true global icon found in more than 170 countries around the world and is the most valuable spirits brand in the world as recognized by Interbrand.

Your friends at Jack Daniel’s remind you to drink responsibly.

Jack Daniel’s, Jack and Old No.7 are registered trademarks of Jack Daniel’s © 2022. Tennessee Whiskey, 40% alc. by vol (80 proof), Jack Daniel Distillery, Lynchburg, Tennessee. 

About the Armed Services YMCA:

The Armed Services YMCA (ASYMCA) is the oldest military support organization in the United States, founded in 1861. The ASYMCA’s mission enhances the lives of active duty junior enlisted military members and their families in spirit, mind and body through programs relevant to the unique challenges of military life. In 2021, the ASYMCA engaged nearly 130,000 individuals and delivered more than 550,000 points of service through its 12 Branches and 24 Affiliate Partners, serving 89 military installations across the U.S. To learn more about how the ASYMCA is “Strengthening Our Military Family(R)” visitwww.asymca.org.

Being Content When The Military Moves You Far From Home

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I moved out of my parent’s home and away from my hometown when I was 18. I couldn’t wait to explore and live somewhere else. I couldn’t wait for that independence. I was so ready and left when I had the chance to go.

When I did that, I didn’t know how far that independence would take me. When I was 26, we moved from Northern California to Kentucky, even further away. When my husband joined the Army, we moved to Germany, an ocean away. We came back to Tennessee and have been here ever since, and where we live now is exactly 1,985.9 miles away from “home.”

There is a part of me that yearns to be back. To be able to live where I used to live, to be able to do the things I used to do on a regular basis (like go to Disneyland once a week,) and to live the life I used to have.

Being Content When The Military Moves You Far From Home

But here is the thing…

Time has moved on, not just for me, but for my hometown. Maybe this isn’t true for everyone, but where I grew up is so different in 2025 than when I left in 1997. There is a lot more traffic, and less rain, and Disneyland is way more expensive.

I once had a pastor tell me something that still sticks with me to this day. I told him about our church back in California and how special that place was. How I wanted to find something like that again.

He told me that while that was amazing, if we left right then and returned, the church would be a different place. That it is easy to assume everyone from our past is frozen in time, but that isn’t true. People have changed, places have changed, and going back wouldn’t be like stepping right back in right after we left.

So if I were to pack up my family and head back to Southern California, things would be different. And maybe part of that is that I have changed. I am used to life in other places, not so much the life of someone in Southern California. This hit me hard on one of my most recent visits.

And it isn’t like I couldn’t adjust to life there again, I am sure I could. I am sure that over time, things would be okay. But remembering that I can never go back to 1997 and how things were back then is a comfort to me in a place so far from home.

As military spouses, many of you don’t live near where you grew up.

Some of you might just be a few hours away, others, across the ocean. You could be the type of person who couldn’t wait to leave, or maybe you never thought you would until you married your soldier and you had to go. Living away from home can be difficult, even for those of us who couldn’t wait to move away.

You miss things. You miss birthdays, weddings, and other events that make you sad to think about. You become the people that other people used to know. You become a part of their history and are no longer a part of their present. And that can be hard to take.

Homesickness can be real. You can feel like you gave up everything and for what? You might wonder if the time away is worth it. If spreading your wings a bit was worth it the homesickness.

How can you be content when the military moves you far from home?

Here are some ideas:

Embrace your independence

When you leave home, you become more independent just by doing so. There is now a lot more distance between you and your family, between you and what you are used to, between you and your comfort zone. You have to do things you didn’t think you would have to do, and you will grow stronger for it.

Embrace this independence that comes from being far from home. Take a look back at what you have done on your own. Look ahead to the future and on what you can accomplish based on these skills you have learned.

Explore your new home

Get out there and see what your current area has to offer. It might be totally different than what you are used to, but that’s okay. This will force you out of your comfort zone, but that can be a good thing.

Look up bucket lists for your new duty station, talk to your neighbors, and look for what other people do in their free time. Getting involved in your new community will help you find contentment there and lessen the effects of homesickness.

Visit

Yes, you moved away. But that doesn’t mean you can’t ever visit. Now, how often you visit is going to depend on many different factors. You might not be able to afford to do so too often, or maybe you can go home for every holiday. Find a good balance and what will work for you and your family.

If you live close enough, it might be possible to go home every weekend. This might not be the best idea if you want to dive into your new community. Give yourself some time to be where you now live, and not just escape home whenever you get the chance. If you can figure out a new home that is just a few hours from where you are from, those skills will help you when you move farther away.

Invite

Invite your family and maybe even friends to visit your new home. Show them around, show them your new life. Let them see what you are experiencing. Your friends and family want to know you are in a good place and showing them that place firsthand can be a wonderful thing.

When the military moves you far away from home, it can be so hard to figure out how to be content. There is a lot to miss about home, and for many, it can feel like your new duty station will never feel that way. Give yourself some time, get out of your comfort zone, and look for the good in your new place.

Where was the first place you lived after moving away from home?

The Rocky Road Ahead For a Military Spouse

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The Rocky Road Ahead

She is standing there, looking at the rocky road ahead, unsure what is next and what the future will look like. Such is the life of a military spouse.

He got his orders and is packing his bags, how are we doing this again? How is it time?

She promises she will be strong, she has done this before, she can do it again. She will conquer this rocky road ahead.

He has heard the rumors, but now he knows they are true.

She will be leaving soon, a few months earlier than they thought. How will he make it through this deployment? The one he thought he would be prepared for, but now feels like it never will be. That rocky road ahead.

As military spouses around the world know, there is good and there is bad when it comes to military life. There are the highs and there are the lows. There are easier times and times when it feels like the road is a little too rocky. When it feels like it is a little too much to endure.

We do what we can when we are faced with this rocky road. We depend on our friends and hope and pray they will understand all the emotions we might have in the next few months.

We work to stay busy but sometimes even that isn’t enough. And sometimes the busy is what causes the stress, and we have to pull back. We have to work to find that balance that seems almost impossible to find.

We pull the tools we have used in the past out of our deployment tool kit and pray they will work again. And sometimes they do. And sometimes they don’t.

We want to believe we can get through anything, truly anything that rocky road brings, but somedays we are unsure we can.

We take the good and the bad and hope that overall we can smile more than shed tears. We hope that we can laugh more than feel defeated. We hope that we can depend on one another when times get a little too hard.

Whether you are a brand new military spouse or a more seasoned one, we all feel that pit in our stomachs, when the orders come, when the date fall, when the buses leave.

We miss them when they are gone, but also understand why they had to go. We make plans to enjoy the time apart but hope that time goes by quickly and doesn’t drag on too much.

As military spouses, we are presented with that rocky road ahead so many times. It might be looking an overseas PCS in the face, or it might be a deployment that came out of nowhere. It might be struggling with a loss in the family, or trying to find your way back after a difficult season.

As military spouses, we also know that we can find the strength to get to the other side. We know that we have done it before, as so many others have done too. We know that we might need to take it one day at a time, but that soon enough we will be at the end, ready for the next season of our lives.

What is your biggest military spouse struggle? What do you do when you are faced with it?

The Ups and the Downs of Military Life

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The Ups and the Downs of Military Life

My military spouse life today looks completely different than it did back 15-16 years ago. For one thing, back then, my husband was active duty Army, and we were stationed in Germany. What was going on in the world, and Iraq and Afghanistan at the time were very different than what is going on today.

Technology was a bit different too. We didn’t have as much access to our service members when they were deployed, and it was harder to connect with them overseas.

I still experience the ups and downs of military life. The back and the forth. The good and the bad.

When your spouse first joins the military, or you marry a service member, military life can be a big shock to the system. For some things change a lot. You go from a civilian spouse coming home at 5 on the dot to a deployment. You can go from your parent’s house to your own house halfway around the world. Military life comes with a lot of changes.

But we spouses, we adapt, we have to.

We work to find community. We try to find people we can connect with. We don’t want to go through all of this alone.

We hit the speed bumps, which can really throw us off if we don’t see them coming. We know they might be ahead but we can lie to ourselves and pretend they won’t affect us. But then they do. And we can feel pretty sad about it all.

But then things change. Life changes. Things get easier, if only for a little while.

You might PCS to a new duty station, closer to home. A deployment might get canceled, or you meet someone you click with so well, that you know you will always have each other’s back.

When that happens, you start to feel like you can do it. You can rock whatever comes at you. And you know what? That’s such a wonderful feeling.

But it is okay if that feeling doesn’t last. Because sometimes this military life can be so hard.

I have learned over the years that I have to take care of myself, no matter what is coming my way. I have to find those times for self-care, even within the crazy. I have to find friends to be with and talk with. I have to balance my life so that I don’t become too overwhelmed.

And after all these years, I am still tweaking things. I am still figuring out what works best and how to get through time away from my husband or any other military struggle that comes up.

If you are new to military life, you may be feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything you have to deal with.

From TRICARE to PCSing, from the MWR to DEERS. There is so much to know.

The reality is you don’t have to know everything right now. You will learn over time and you will figure out how best to get through this life.

So many military spouses have come before you and will help you on your journey.

There are so many resources out there, from organizations like Blue Star Families offering different events to companies like MilSpouse Conversations offering places to connect and talk with each other. I also have blog posts on topics such as deployments, PCSing, and more.

If you are new to military life, know that there will be ups and downs in this lifestyle. Not every day will be good but not every day will be bad either. And those really bad days? You will figure out ways to get through them. To get to a better place.

What helps you get to a better place when you are feeling down?

If you are in the San Diego area, come to the Spill THEE Tea – Conversations with a milspouse panel sponsored by Blue Star Families on September 8th, 2022 from 6-8 pm PT. Sign up here.

My Experience as a Hispanic Military Spouse

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My Experience as a Hispanic Military Spouse

How I Learned English and Thrived

La Isla del Encanto. Have you heard of that place? It is a small island in the Caribbean. Puerto Rico is a paradise with captivating beauty and culture. The home where I spent the first 19 years of my life. During my teenage years, I often told my parents that I was never leaving my home, my community, or my country. Learning English at school was a struggle, and I was not interested in making an effort. I thought it was pointless. Ironically, after high school graduation, my boyfriend joined the U.S. Air Force; and you can probably guess what happened after that. I left my family, my home, and my country. 

Not even in my wildest dreams would I have thought of living on the other side of the world. But, you guess again, my new home was not in the United States but in Japan. Have you watched Men in Black II? In the final scene, Agent K calls Agent J a rookie and kicks a door open. Agent J is shocked to find out that the world as he knows it is just a part of something bigger. That is how I felt when I arrived in Okinawa, my husband’s first duty station. 

Soon enough, I regretted my past lack of effort in learning English. Speaking with others was not only challenging but nerve-wracking. It is accurate to say it was impossible. Keeping up with the speed at which people spoke was difficult. It did not help that I would try to translate everything from English to Spanish in my mind. I could not understand a word or form a sentence, for that matter. I was frustrated and lacked confidence. So what did I do? 

I enrolled in an online university to continue my education. My first class was English. This time, I was determined to learn; and I did, but it was challenging every day. I know completing my school work took longer just because of the language barrier. Countless tears, sleepless nights, and six years later, I earned my B.A. in Psychology from Penn State University. During those six years, I moved three times and had two children. It has been ten years since I became a military spouse, and I have learned many lessons. 

From mistakes I made to things I would do differently, this is my advice: 

● Prioritize wellness. Seek professional support sooner than later. 

● Choose approach over avoidance. 

● Do not isolate yourself. 

● Take your time but do it. 

● Everything takes practice. Take the first step. 

● Find resources! There are many now. 

● Ask for help; there are kind and caring people out there. 

● Get social and take advantage of social media platforms. 

● Stay connected to family and friends. It is still possible when you are far.

● Keep a balance.

● Do not compare yourself to others; follow your path.

● Believe in yourself. 

I wish you the best in this challenging and incredible journey!

Here are more resources that I have found useful:

Written by guest writer, Lourdes Gonzalez!

Where You Go, I Will Go: Lessons From a Military Spouse by Victoria Terrinoni 

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This post contains affiliate links!

Do you know what I love the most? Hearing military spouse stories! I feel like we can all learn from one another. We have been through so many similar situations, and we can relate to what we have all gone through.

We can learn so much from military spouses that have come before us. They all have wisdom to offer us and we can learn so much from their own experiences.

Where You Go, I Will Go: Lessons From a Military Spouse by Victoria Terrinoni is the story of a 31-year military spouse. Victoria talks about everything she experienced over the years, from all their moves to deployments, to her feelings about retirement and living in their post-military house.

Victoria sent me her book for review and I just loved everything she brought to the book. We get to hear her story and she also gives us little lessons based on what the chapter was about.

If you are new to military life and wonder what the years might bring, Victoria can give you a picture. Through her story, you can learn about what you might experience and how you can truly thrive during this life.

And if you are a more seasoned spouse, I am sure you will be able to relate to many of her stories and lessons learned over the years.

From Amazon:

Your significant other just announced they joined the military. After getting over the shock, you have questions, lots of questions.

What is it like living in the military?

What happens when my spouse deploys?

How do I handle moving all the time?

This honest and insightful book will give you an inside look at a military spouse’s life and help you navigate the system. Readers will learn the joys and pitfalls of being married to the military.

The writer dispels some myths about the military lifestyle and highlights the lessons learned along the way. This book will help you figure out what you can do to combat the loneliness you feel every time you move to a new place. How lost you feel trying to deal with a totally different system than anything else you’ve dealt with before. It also helps you learn to use military-speak, a language of its own.

Where You Go, I Will Go takes you on the author’s 31-year journey as a military spouse to show you are not alone in this. She also points out her biggest mistakes, so you don’t make them as well.

Where You Go, I Will Go gives you the basics you need to:

  • · See how a move is supposed to go and how they actually turn out.
  • · What to do to ease your child’s confusion with these life changes.
  • · Where to go for support, especially during a deployment.
  • · What do all those acronyms mean?

By reading this book, you will find lessons to help you throughout your military career while getting an insider’s view of the fun times and the hard times of military life.

What’s stopping you from learning the ropes from someone who has been there?

You can purchase your own copy on Kindle or in paperback on Amazon.

9 Lessons Learned On Our Military Retirement Journey

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9 Lessons Learned On Our Military Retirement Journey

By Melonie Kennedy

This is it. We’re handing in the keys to our on-post housing in a few days, then my husband will begin terminal leave. After sixteen years of marriage, seven duty stations, several deployments, and so many TDY’s I can’t even remember them all, it’s over. He’s out. The End.

Retirement is a huge transition for him, of course, after twenty years in the Army. I didn’t expect, however, what a big jump this would mean for me. This is a scary new beginning, perhaps the scariest of them all. I’ve tried to avoid wool-gathering and prepare just like any other PCS. As ready as I am to get into this next chapter, though, I’m also not feeling ready. It’s not just another PCS. There’s so much up in the air, and that leads me to lesson one: 

Remember military retirement is a major life change! As accustomed as we are to moving frequently and reestablishing a home base every few years, this time there’s a big difference. We’re in a new division of the military community: The Retirees. Our mission now as a family is to figure out what comes next and create a new battle rhythm that may be like nothing we’ve ever experienced before. 

Additionally, as with normal PCSs, there may be a grieving process, especially if you’re moving from your final duty station as part of the retirement process. We’re saying goodbye to friends, getting those last tourist bucket list things marked off, taking steps to find a job, and shepherding a teen through the same changes all while getting him ready for college. As exciting as this new adventure is, it’s full of questions. That takes me to lesson two:

Communication is key – and not just with the various agencies your service member is dealing with on the military side! It’s okay to say you’re not okay. Consider scheduling in downtime for yourself and as a couple. We, military spouses, are incredibly resilient people, but resilience is built up when we have purposely created a buffer zone. Whether it’s a facial or a coffee date, sometimes talking to a therapist via Telehealth or simply curling up with a book for an hour – account for the fact that this is a huge transition period that automatically comes with stress, and account for the fact that mindfulness during the transition is vital. Having grown up an Army brat, then spending this long as a military wife, I kind of don’t know where I stand anymore, and I’ve had to observe and unpack those feelings. This takes us to lesson three: 

You’re not alone. It may feel like it some days, just like it may have at times in your spouse’s military career. They, and you, are not cast aside and left to drift and figure this out on your own! From the moment retirement appears on the horizon, start finding your support folks; as Mr. Rogers advised, “Look for the helpers.”

I was pleasantly surprised to learn how many resources there are out there for transitioning families. Get in touch with the folks at your branch’s Transition Assistance Program (TAP) office early. We spouses are invited to attend as well because TAP isn’t just about military paperwork. The TAP office my husband worked with offered links to resumé workshops, seminars on VA home loans, and much more. Going through TAP early leaves you time to go back through if you’d like to dig deeper and ask the TAP reps questions on a second go-round.

Another great option is the USO, which sponsors a wide variety of in-person and virtual seminars. They cover more topics than I can even list here, and the schedules accommodate for locations worldwide. There are also the Veterans Service Organization (VSO) representatives, who are individuals accredited by the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) to help ensure service members have access to qualified representation during the VA claim process. The Veterans of Foreign Wars (VFW) and several other organizations have accredited VSOs available; a full list of VA-recognized VSOs is available via the Veterans Affairs website.

Lastly, don’t forget to start making connections within military retiree organizations and civic groups within your community, especially if you are moving with children. They will gain assistance putting down new roots through community options just like they’ve done every move, and now those roots can include a nice taproot into their home turf!

As you may have noticed, the more lead time you have before retirement, the better. We made the decision for my husband to submit his retirement request about eighteen months out from his projected departure date, which left time to get things rolling on several fronts. That takes us into lessons four through seven, which have a big point in common: make use of any waiting period you have until retirement!

Get your house in order, especially your finances. If you’re not already debt-free, try to get there. This will help you get a solid footing when the service member’s pay changes from their active duty rate to their retirement pension. This foundation also provides an assist with the timing of the first retirement check, any VA benefits the military retiree is awarded, and the arrival of paychecks if they will be employed after their military time ends. If there’s a lag time on funds, you’re still good to go if you aren’t living paycheck to paycheck at this stage.

Save, save, save! As with any other PCS, there will be costs affiliated with your move. If you own a home away from your final duty station, you’ve got to get there. While certain costs will be reimbursed after a move, you may be in a situation where you’re receiving BAH during terminal leave, so hotel stays will be accounted differently. Then of course there are the usual things that feel like they nickel and dime us to death every move: getting groceries again, the random little things that are needed in a new home, meals on the road, and so forth. Even if you are already living in your forever home, with all these changes, costs will come up. Having as much put away for a rainy day as possible is always to your benefit.

Speaking of financial matters: while you’re anxiously awaiting The Big Day, make the most of your time and get life insurance before the service member gets their VA physical. In some cases, automatically switching from Servicemembers’ Group Life Insurance (SGLI) to Veterans Group Life Insurance (VGLI) may not actually be your most cost-effective plan. The same applies for spouses and other dependents currently insured through Family Servicemembers’ Group Life Insurance.

While sticking with the known entity with no medical questions or exclusions may be tempting, if you’re in fairly good health, it is well worth your time to sit down with a few companies and get some quotes for coverage. My husband contacted three companies for quotes and we were able to compare all coverage, terms, and costs over a weekend and choose the one that was the best fit for us. (Why do this before the VA physical? Findings documented by the VA may affect rates and coverage availability.)

On our last point about time and money: encourage your service member to use this time to use Credentialing Assistance and Tuition Assistance if at all possible. Don’t leave money on the table! They can earn certifications to build their resumé and build their employability, or work toward a college degree without using their GI Bill on active duty. There are also many free and low-cost certification and schooling options available for military spouses to take advantage of; you’ll learn about some of them through the TAP sessions and the USO’s offerings, but another great place to find helpful organizations and programs is LinkedIn.

That takes us to lesson eight, one that was a real shocker for me: LinkedIn is your friend, milspouses! I’ve personally had a LinkedIn account for over a decade and really didn’t get much use out of it. Like many people, I thought LinkedIn was “social media for suits”. Since getting more active on the platform in early 2021, I’ve had my eyes opened to the many possibilities LinkedIn offers, particularly for those of us with military affiliations.

There is a wealth of opportunities for networking with other folks in our community; start with #militaryspouse, then look for groups specific to spouses or to your area of employment interest. There are also job listings, information about hiring fairs (on and off base and virtual), and ways to find franchise opportunities specifically for veterans. Add in the fact that we spouses can receive a year of LinkedIn Premium for free through Military OneSource’s Spouse Education & Career Opportunities (MySECO), and you’ve got another great reason to sign up or really start using your LinkedIn account to its full potential. The Premium version allows access to LinkedIn Learning and a variety of other professional tools that users may find helpful in networking and job hunts.

My two cents, with no affiliation to the company on my part: LinkedIn is worth it for you and your retiree-to-be, whether you’re looking for work post-military or want to be able to mentor and guide others following in your footsteps. It’s actually the way I connected with Julie, our wonderful hostess here at Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life, and can share these thoughts with you about our retirement journey!

And now we’re at lesson nine: Have the Ceremony.

My soldier is not big on pomp and circumstance. I’m an introvert, quite content that the bulk of my “peopling” is done via email thanks to working from home for two decades. There was to be no retirement ceremony. We were simply going to load the U-Haul and quietly ride off into the sunset.

My husband’s commander saw things differently and put his foot down. You don’t give twenty years of your life to the military and just slip away; you deserve recognition and closure. There had to be some sort of ceremony. 

We huffed and puffed and gave in on the matter, setting up a fairly intimate shindig at a favorite restaurant. We added in a presentation of a military “brat” coin and a certificate of appreciation for our son. Some family members were able to make it, as well as a large group from the unit, and some good friends we’ve bumped into at multiple duty stations. As luck would have it, we had soldiers there from the beginning of my spouse’s active time, the middle, and the end.

There were stories told, plenty of laughs, and more tears than expected. We introduced our non-military family members to a side of my husband that they hadn’t seen during visits and the usual tours of housing and the Exchange; it gave his friends a chance to celebrate with him; it gave us a chance to recognize the resilience of our son, who like me, has been a dandelion child floating around the world at the behest of Uncle Sam. 

Barbecue and cake were served, and in the end, we were incredibly grateful to the leader who called for the touching sendoff. So no matter how large or how small you make it, please schedule in a time to celebrate your service member, yourself, and all involved in getting you to this point. You’ve made it. Happy military retirement – here’s to your next adventure!

Melonie Kennedy is a military wife, homeschooling mom, author, and small business owner. Connect with her at https://www.linkedin.com/in/meloniek/

To the Gold Star Spouse…

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I see you. I see you sitting there, trying to hold everything together. I see you, wondering how you are sitting where you are. Wondering how this could be your new normal.

Your pain is probably indescribable right now. You lost him, and one of your worst fears came true. And now you are here, ready for the ceremony to begin.

Your children are by your side, they are too young to understand, or maybe they are not too young? Maybe they will remember this day, the day to honor their daddy.

You start to think about what you will tell them about this day, about what happened, about how things used to be. You will tell them about the stories he used to read, about the jokes he used to make. You will tell them about how you two met, your first date, and the day he asked you to be his.

You feel your family and friends surrounding you, but you know they will never truly understand what you are going through. You wish you could explain, but you can’t, and hope that someday, maybe you will.

The past week has been unreal, and you feel like your life is unraveling. What your life uses to be will no longer be. Everything changed and you know that your life will always have a line down the middle it, before and after.

As the ceremony begins, you thought you would be able to make it through but you break down and are immediately surrounded by hugs from your family. Everyone watching wants to take the pain away, even if there is no way to do that for you.

Music is played, and the traditions begin, and still, you can’t believe you are here. You try to listen to what is being said but all you can think about is your husband, and how many of the things about him you will miss.

And then it is time, time for the part you saw in pictures plenty of times, the part you never really thought you would have to endure. A man in a uniform is standing in front of you, he hands you something and for one second you think he shouldn’t be, that this is all a mistake, that this all really isn’t happening.

“On behalf of the President of the United States, the United States Army, and a grateful nation, please accept this flag as a symbol of our appreciation for your loved one’s honorable and faithful service.”

And you take the flag and know in your heart how much of a hero your husband was, but you also know that knowing that won’t stop the pain.

As then it is over, the ceremony is over and your friends and family are there to mourn with you. You hear stories about a friend of his you had never met before but knew him during one of his deployments. You see a friend you only knew casually through playgroup, who just wants to give you a hug. You see his father break down, and know that he is dealing with the loss of his son, as only a father does.

As you get in the car, with your son by your side, your daughter in front with her own parents, you wonder how you will ever move on from this. Life has changed forever, and nothing will ever be the same.

So, to the Gold Star Spouse, know that no matter where you go or where you are, the military community has your back. We care and we mourn and we wish you didn’t have to go through this. We aren’t always sure what to say and maybe we will say something stupid but we know that your husband died a hero and he will always be in our hearts.

We will think of him always, of the jokes he told, of the smiles he gave, of the way he talked about you and his family. We will remember him when we think of his bravery and we will never forget the sacrifice he made for his country.

We will think and pray for you often, for your children and we will celebrate small wins with you as you figure out your way through this new normal.

We will tell you, “thank you for your husband’s service” and do our best to honor him through the years, in whatever way we can.

Here is a list of resources to help support Gold Star Spouses and Families:

“What we have once enjoyed deeply we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.” – Helen Keller