Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

military life

Veteran Homebuyers: A Guide to the Home Buying Process

by Leave a Comment

Veteran Homebuyers: A Guide to the Home Buying Process

The transition from military life to civilian life can be difficult, especially if you’re looking to buy a home for the first time. However, the government has provided options that will make your home buying process easier and cheaper. Here are a few tips to guide you through buying your first property as a veteran.

Consider a VA Loan

A Veteran Affairs (VA) loan is a type of military loan that mortgage lenders give to qualified veterans, active service members, and spouses. This loan is sponsored by the Department of Veteran Affairs. A VA loan offers flexibility and lower requirements such as little to no down payment, lower requirements on credit scores, low-cost mortgages, and lower interest rates. Since they make credit requirements lower, they’re considered non-conventional loans. The VA doesn’t issue this loan, but they decide if you qualify for it and determine who is the best lender for you. 

Even though the benefits are great, you may not qualify for a VA loan. It’s important to know the qualifications for it and prepare your finances if you don’t align with the requirements qualify. Below are the qualifications you need to apply for this loan:

  • Served 181 days of active service during peacetime.
  • Served 90 consecutive days of active service during wartime.
  • Served more than 6 years of service with the National Guard or the National Reserve or 90 days under Title 32 with at least 30 of those days being consecutive.
  • Are the spouse of a service member who lost their life in the line of duty or as the result of a service-connected disability. You generally cannot have remarried, although there are exceptions.

Chose the VA Loan that Suits You

There are several types of VA loans that you can qualify for. It’s important to choose the one that is the best fit for you and your family. Here are a few types of VA loans and their benefits:

VA Purchase Loan

A VA purchase loan is the most common type of mortgage that can be obtained through a VA loan. This loan helps you purchase a home with no down payment, and has better terms and interest rates than other loans offered by private lenders like mortgage companies, banks, or credit unions. However, terms vary by lender, and this type of VA loan is not available from all lenders.

VA Cash-Out Refinance

A VA cash-out refinance loan allows you to take cash out of your home equity, and use it to pay off your debt, medical bills, school fees, home improvements, or refinance a non-VA loan into a VA-backed loan. This option is available to both borrowers with and without present VA loans, and it can be used as a rate-and-term refinance if desired.

VA Interest Rate Reduction Refinance Loan (IRRRL)

A VA IRRRL, also known as “VA streamline refinance,” helps you reduce your monthly mortgage payments or creates stability by switching to a fixed interest rate rather than one that changes over time. When deciding whether or not to pursue this option, borrowers should evaluate their closing fees.

VA Native American Direct Loan (NADL)

If you are a Native American veteran or happen to be married to a Native American, you may be eligible to obtain a Native American Direct Loan. This loan allows you to buy, build, or improve a home on federal trusted land. Qualified borrowers can also refinance a current NADL loan to obtain a lower interest rate. Some benefits of this include, limited closing costs, and private mortgage insurance.

It’s imperative to consider which VA loan suits your household needs before investing in your loan. Also, make sure you obtain this loan with a lender that understands these options and can provide favorable rates.


Prepare All Required Documents

As a veteran, you will need certain documents ready before applying for your loan and mortgage. These documents include the Certificate of Eligibility (COE), DD Form 214, and other general information.

The COE document verifies the length of your service to confirm that you qualify to your mortgage provider. It’s important to get this document from the VA through eBenefits early, even though you won’t need to show it at the beginning of the loan process. It’s best to have this document ready to make this process go as swift as possible.

DD Form 214 is a document that confirms your military discharge. Using the eVetRecs filing system, you can request your DD Form 214 electronically.

The General Information you may need for this includes tax returns and W-2s from the past two years, recent pay stubs, bank and investment statements, any rental history you may have, an employment verification letter, and a copy of your driver’s license.

To further expedite this process and reduce stress, we recommend getting pre-approval on your mortgage and all loan-associated documents organized ahead of time. The earlier you start these preparations, the less stressed and more excited you will be throughout this milestone achievement. From there, you can finally start house hunting to find the best home that fits your budget and your preferences.

Purchasing a home is a significant investment toward your future and can lead to some anxiety within a family. It can be challenging for anyone, but especially for veterans if they don’t entirely understand their potential benefits. Make sure you take advantage of all available benefits and resources. This is a huge commitment that will always be remembered so make it worthwhile.

It’s Okay Military Spouse, It’s Really Okay, I Have Been There

by Leave a Comment

It's Okay Military Spouse, It's Really Okay, I Have Been There

When you first became a military spouse, you may have wondered how in the world you were going to one, figure everything out, and two, get through everything you would have to get through. You might look to other more seasoned military spouses and wondered what their journeys might have been like and if they can all relate to what you are going through.

The truth is, while we might all have our own military paths, we military spouses can relate to one another. We have been through hard things. We have had to figure out how to become more independent than we may have ever thought we would have to be. We had to get creative sometimes and figure out ways to make it through.

If you are a new military spouse, or maybe going through something new during military life that scares you, know that it’s okay Military Spouse, it’s really okay and I have been there.

I have waited months and months to see my husband because of paperwork.

I have given birth without my husband in the same country.

I have missed best friends getting married and having babies because of the Army.

I have had to say goodbye to my husband more than once not knowing if I would ever see him again and if I did if he would be the same person that I married.

I have had to watch as friends got that knock. The one that changed their lives forever.

I have had to watch friends as the husband they loved and adored become a completely different person because of PTSD and decided he no longer wanted to be with them or their children anymore.

I have said goodbye to friends that have become like family to me and know I might not ever see them again.

I have had to sit and wonder during a blackout knowing that my husband was probably okay but also not knowing why the blackout was going on.

I have sat with a group of wives while our children played and we tried to figure out how we would get through the next 3-4 months of a deployment that was supposed to have ended the month before.

I have been through the lonely nights, the jealousy of knowing our civilian friends have never had to go longer than a few days without their spouses, of being mom and dad to the kids, of comforting sad children that just want their Dad at a soccer game.

I have been through the situations that come with military life and although going through them made me a stronger person, I do wonder what I would be like if I hadn’t had to deal with all of this. I wonder if some of my struggles and what I personally have to work on are because of the years of war and I am not really sure what I can do with all of that.

Because life as a military spouse is up and down.

Because life as a military spouse is so much harder than anyone could ever predict.

Because life as a military spouse can be filled with so many twists and turns, ones that you might never have thought about before.

So if you are a military spouse feeling alone, like you are not the only one. You are not.

If you feel like your emotions are all over the place…know that so many of us have been through that too.

If you feel like you aren’t cut out for this life, know that so many of us have felt that too, wondering how all of it will play out.

If you feel like you are hanging on the edge, reach out for help, to other military spouses, organizations, or counselors.

As military spouses, we are asked to sacrifice so much, and that is never going to be easy. As military spouses, we might feel like we are never going to catch a break. As military spouses might feel defeated when we just want to feel strong.

But as a military spouse, something we don’t have to feel is alone.

We are a community, and we can work together to get through the hard stuff and celebrate the good stuff.

We are a community and can help one another out, either at our same duty station, or 1,000 miles away.

We are a community, and each of us loves the service member we decided to spend our lives with, even if it means that hardships will follow.

We take the good and the bad, and figure out how to make this life work.

It’s okay Military Spouse, it’s really okay and I have been there. And so have so many others that have come before. Remember this, and you will never have to walk the military spouse road alone.

Becoming Financially Ready When Your Spouse Leaves the Military

by Leave a Comment

Becoming Financially Ready When Your Spouse Leaves the Military

No one stays in the military forever. That can be an exciting, but also scary thought, especially if you have spent your adult life in military service, or married to a military member. Transitioning to an after military life is a big change, logistically, emotionally, and financially. Preparing for those challenges can make it easier – but how do you prepare for so much at the same time?

The first step is to recognize that it is a big change. Many military families are so excited for the next chapter of their life that they sometimes forget that there are a million little steps along the process. Communication and organization are key.

Spouses need to talk to each other. A lot. Figure out a way to gather the details of your transition, whether that is a notebook or a spreadsheet, or a checklist. (I have a retirement checklist, and it can be used for ETSing, too.) Take some time regularly to review your list together, and discuss how things are unfolding.

The next step is to identify the big changes that will happen in your unique transition. For some, the biggest parts are moving their family and kids starting a new school. If you’re not moving, the biggest changes for you might be a new job and/or going back to school. Consider the logistical, emotional, and financial aspects of each item.

Now, start to make a list of the things you need to do. Here are some ideas to get you started:

LogisticalEmotionalFinancial
Finding a new jobWriting a resume
Buying interview clothes
Practicing skills
Traveling for interviews		The process can be discouragingLack of income
Cost of interviewing (clothes, travel)
Delay for first paycheck
Moving houseFinding new home
Preparing to move		Balancing loss and excitementSetting up new home
Down payment/security deposit
Starting a new educational programWhat course to takeYou may feel both excitement and anxietyTuition and fees
Childcare
Lost income
Changing your state of legal residencePaperwork
Vehicle inspections
Rewriting wills		Hopefully none, but some people do feel a loss at leaving their “home” stateRegistering vehicles
New drivers licenses
Kids changing schoolsGet transfer packets
Find immunization records
Gather proof of residence		Help kids with sadness, anxiety, and trepidationNew uniforms
Sports team fees


Your list will be different, and probably a lot longer. But you don’t have to do it alone, and you don’t have to do it all at one time.

Start as early as possible in the transition process. Most of us know that we’ll be leaving military life a few years in advance, even if we don’t have an exact date. Take one step at a time, chipping away at your to-do list.

Bring in help whenever possible. Help might be:

  • Your best friend to help you weed through closets and drawers.
  • A family therapist to work through the emotions that come with life changes. (Your installation probably has a Military and Family Life Counselor, or Tricare has very good mental health coverage.)
  • The on-base personal financial educator to help you create a post-military budget.
  • A babysitter to give you time to do things.
  • One of the many military and civilian programs to help veterans create a resume.
  • A home stager to get your house ready to sell

Lastly, I can not emphasize enough: Make sure the service member attends the Transition Assistance Program classes. Twice if possible. If you’re the spouse, try hard to attend also! 97% of the frustrations I hear during transition are things that are covered in TAP. COVID space restrictions have made it hard for spouses to attend in many locations, but the situation seems to be improving. If you can’t get into a physical class, utilize the online version.

Most of all, give everyone some grace in this truly once-in-a-lifetime situation. While you are working through all of this, your spouse is processing their own set of concerns and challenges. Kids may be feeling the pressure, too. If things are tense, step away and let them cool down before tackling the issue in a productive way. Practice self-care, and encourage your loved ones to take care of themselves, too.

For most people, leaving the military is a big project. Just like any other big project, it will go a lot more smoothly if you plan carefully, work with your teammates (aka your spouse and kids), and bring in help when necessary. Then you can get started on your next big adventure!

Kate Horrell is an Accredited Financial Counselor® and personal financial educator who helps the military community make the most of their pay and benefits. She shares the most up-to-date information in understandable terms, and highlights how rules, programs, and laws will directly impact your personal finances. With over 10 years working with thousands of military families, she understands the concerns of currently serving, retired, and veteran families. You can find her at KateHorrell.com.

Want to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life? Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know! I take pieces on anything milspouse related, from deployment tips to duty station reviews.

Importance of Your Mental Health 

by Leave a Comment

Happy to have this guest post by Heather! Want to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life? Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know! I take pieces on anything milspouse related, from deployment tips to duty station reviews.

Importance of Your Mental Health 

Taking care of yourself can look different for each person. Maybe you show self-care by getting your nails done, taking a girl’s trip, or simply taking a warm bubble bath with no interruptions (if that’s possible). Each of us finds something to help relieve our frustrations or stress the best that we can and the best that we know how. Regardless of what you choose to do, taking care of yourself and your mental health should be a top priority. 

Here are some tips to help get yourself into a habit of taking care of your mental health! 

  1. Love Yourself and Be Compassionate 

First and foremost, remember to love yourself and give yourself compassion. Many of us are hard on ourselves, dwell on our past choices, or simply beat ourselves up. Don’t punish yourself, instead learn from your experiences and make them a lesson. Give yourself gratitude for things you do throughout the day. Maybe you painted a room or took a shower for the first time in three days. Celebrate that! The one voice you are going to hear every single day is yourself. Be compassionate to yourself. Give yourself that positive talking and learn to love yourself. We teach our children to speak kindly to others, so we should do the same to ourselves. 

  1. Recognize Triggers 

Throughout our life experiences, we develop triggers that are associated with mostly negative events in our lives. For example, during my first deployment, I had a special ringtone for when my husband would call. Anytime I heard that specific ringtone I immediately forgot all things I was doing and would immediately find my phone to take his call as they were few and far in between.

Even after his return when I hear that ringtone it immediately triggers me into panic mode to find my phone. To help with this, I have changed the ringtone on my phone. This is a simple example of a trigger, but it is important to recognize what triggers you so that you can work on not being triggered especially if it is associated with negative memories. 

  1. Create a Routine

From an early age, we are introduced to routines or a schedule of events based on the time of when things will happen. Think back to elementary school when we knew what time we had naps (I miss this), lunch, bathroom breaks, etc. Very similar to how children need a schedule to help them with their day, so do we as adults! To help get yourself into the flow of the day, make a routine for yourself that includes the fun things you enjoy.

Maybe you have a full-time work schedule and you are also the housekeeper and caretaker but you want to go to the gym. Write out your schedule and see where you can plug in a time for the gym. Maybe you are feeling depressed and having a hard time getting up to complete a task. That’s okay! Try writing out things you would like to get done or need to get done like laundry, grocery shopping, reading a book, or taking a walk. We have smartphones that can help us with our calendars and routines to help get us moving. Utilize this! Remember, small steps and celebrate the things you did!

  1. Find New Ways to Help Your Mental Health 

Find things that bring you joy and add it to your day! Maybe you really enjoy physical activities like biking, running, kayaking, or kickboxing. Do it! Maybe you are wanting to start a new hobby like gardening. Do it!

From 2020 into 2021, I was looking for things that made me happy to benefit my mental health. I found out our duty station happened to have an on post gardening club. How amazing is that?!  I did all the reading and researching I could and decided to rent my own garden plot. I spent many hours in the garden digging new beds, weeding (mostly), and planting new vegetables.

Even if this was trial and error, my mental health improved so much! Listening to the birds sing, the outdoor fresh air, and the excitement of a tiny seed I planted coming to the surface. The sense of growing something, even if it didn’t survive, felt so great! New hobbies are a great way to help with our mental health and provide an outlet for our creativity or freeness of the mind.

Overall, you know yourself better than anyone else. Be true to yourself, love yourself, do things that make you happy! For many of us who wear many hats in our household, it is hard to remember to take care of ourselves too. You are important, loved, and you got this! Remember to celebrate things you do every day and give yourself some positive talks. 

Finding Your Place, In the Military Spouse World

by Leave a Comment

Finding Your Place, In the Military Spouse World

We have all been the newbie military spouse. The one who really didn’t know how to navigate this life. The one who had all the questions.

But as time goes on, as you go through a deployment or two, have a PCS under your belt, you realize you are no longer the newest military spouse on the block. You realize that you actually have the advice to offer and you are working to find out your place.

Now you are trying to figure out your place in the military spouse community.

How involved do you want to be in the military spouse community? What can you offer? How do you make sure you are not ignoring your own dreams during military life?

The truth is, finding your place in the military spouse world depends on so many things. From where you are first stationed to what you left behind when your service member joined or when you married them. It depends on the goals you have for yourself, and how involved the military is in your life as you try to achieve them. And this isn’t the same for everyone.

As a new military spouse, I arrived in Germany with an 18-month-old and got pregnant again right away. I was trying to navigate military life as a SAHM in a 3rd-floor stairwell apartment in Germany. My life was pretty much 100% little kids and military, without much room for anything else. The military was in charge of so much of my life.

Moving back to the US four years later, we finally had a little more space between us and the military. Choosing to live off post allowed us a little more space as well as simply being stationed in the U.S. versus overseas. It’s just a very different type of military experience.

Finding your place in the military spouse world is going to be so different depending on who you are and your own experiences.

There are different “roles” you might find yourself in. And you may or may not want to stay there. They might not be a good fit.

The truth is, finding your place in the military spouse world is all about what you feel comfortable with. Some military spouses want to be as involved as possible. They volunteer for the FRG or other on post events. They seem to know a lot about military life and can direct you if you have a question or tell you where you can go to get an answer.

Other military spouses take a back seat to the military world. They stay away from post as much as possible. They work, live, and spend their free time away from the military. They have more of a hands-off as much as possible approach.

And then, there is everyone in between. The reality is, there is no right answer on how to military spouse. You should be involved as much you want to be or as little as you want to be. And your spouse’s rank shouldn’t even be a factor.

We, military spouses, should never feel like we have to run an FRG meeting or set up a spouse’s group. We should do so because we have a desire to do so. We should do so because that is what we want to do, not because it is expected of us.

We, military spouses, have the right to focus solely on our careers. Solely on our children and homes. Or solely on both without worrying too much about the role of the military in our lives. Doing so isn’t for everyone.

We, military spouses, have to find our place, and we get to decide how involved we want to be.

We get to choose, and being able to choose leads to a healthier military spouse community.

I am so thankful for the military spouses who have stepped up. So many have come before us and have said, “no, this isn’t okay” and they work to change things. I am so thankful that the military spouse norm of the past isn’t the norm anymore. That we have so much more freedom than previous generations.

But, will the military itself catch up to modern times? What can change to make a better military life balance for everyone? Both spouse and service member?

Even though I live by a large Army installation, most of my interactions with other military spouses seem to be online these days. Maybe this is due to the pandemic, or maybe just the way modern life is. As modern military spouses, you can reach out to anyone from the comfort of your own homes.

The military community is online, with so many resources at our fingertips.

We no longer have to attend an in-person event in order to get that information we might need to thrive in our military spouse life. We can connect to other spouses, through Facebook groups, TikTok accounts, and Instagram.

We can share our stories and know they will be seen by military spouses worldwide. We can offer advice to a spouse in another branch, stationed somewhere we will never go. The world is truly changing.

Military spouses have always been about community, and there have always been roles for us within that community. But things are changing, and what worked 10-15 years ago, might not work today. Modern military spouses are able to focus more on their own goals and are not as held back because of the military.

Hopefully, no matter how long you have been a military spouse, you are able to figure out where you fit within the military spouse community. And hopefully, whatever your choose to do, no matter how involved you want to be, it is respected. By other spouses, by your service member, and the bigger military as a whole.

How did you find your place within the military spouse world?

Our Trip to Disneyland Using the Disneyland Military Discount

by Leave a Comment

It has been 3.5 years but I took my boys back to Disneyland the first week of 2022, and we had an amazing time!

We bought the 3-day military salute tickets, and here is how it went!

A trip to Disneyland

First of all, this is what we did to get the tickets and get ready for our trip. Now, as someone who grew up at Disneyland, the idea of reservations completely freaked me out. The idea of planning freaks me out. You don’t have to plan very much for Disneyland. You just show up. But things are different now.

  • I went to the travel office at Fort Campbell and purchsed four 3-day Disneyland tickets. I got a print out of each ticket with a bar code.
  • I then pulled up the Disneyland app and added these tickets to the app, and made reservations for the dates we wanted. As these are hopper tickets, meaning you can go to both parks, whatever park I chose was the park we had to start at and we could go to the other one after 1pm each day. We had a day starting at Disneyland, a day starting at California Adventure, and another day back at Disneyland. Ideally I would have loved to spread out our dates but since you can’t use the salute tickets from December 16-December 31st, we had to go three days in a row in January as school started back the 6th.
  • When we got to the park, we got in the front gate line. When we got to the front of that line, the guy was able to scan our tickets from the app, took our pictures, and gave us each a card to use for the rest of our trip. When we came back the next day, or when we switched parks, we just had to show the gate person that card.
  • Keep in mind that you have to purchase your tickets before you get to the park. This is a change from before when you could walk up and buy them that day. You also have to have a reservation for each day for every person in your party. You can check on the Disneyland website if your dates are avaliable. I do think most dates are and you are probably good as long as you don’t wait until right before your trip to reserve them.

That was basically it! If you want more of the details on the price, where to buy your tickets, and all that, head on over and read Disneyland Military Discount or for Disney World, Disney World Military Discount.

Now, let’s talk about our days at Disneyland!

Day one was Disneyland. My brother was able to go with us, which was so nice. It was great to spend that time with him, especially at a place we have a lot of childhood memories at. We had passes to Disneyland from when I was about 10 until I left for college. So many amazing memories. The best was when my mom would wake us up and surprise us with a trip to Disney.

Our Trip to Disneyland Using the Disneyland Military Discount

We got to Disneyland about 7:15 am, parking wasn’t an issue although it was $30. There were no trams so we had to walk, which really wasn’t a huge deal. It was kinda fun as we got more and more excited the closer we got.

There was a bit of a line at the front gate and then we were in. We knew where we were going to go first, the place everyone was looking forward to…Galaxy’s Edge, Star Wars Land! When we were at Disneyland in 2018, they had started building this new land and that got us super excited. Our plan was to head on over to the Rise of the Resistance. They did not have a virtual queue for the ride, so we had to wait the 90 minutes standby.

Our Trip to Disneyland Using the Disneyland Military Discount

You can read more about Galaxy’s Edge here!

After Star Wars Land we went back into regular Disneyland and did a lot of our favorite rides. The Haunted Mansion, Splash Mountain, and Pirates of the Caribbean.

We decided to have lunch at the Hungry Bear Restaurant. We always eat at least one of our meals here. Have since I was a kid. I LOVED bears as a kid and this place was perfect for a bear loving kid. They have burgers and chicken sandwiches.

https://soldierswifecrazylife.com/we-loved-galaxys-edge-at-disneyland/

After lunch, we split up a bit and went on more of our favorite rides. We headed back to Star Wars Land a few times. Everyone loved it so much, and that Blue Milk…we LOVED it!

One of the strangest things about our visit was the line for snacks was out of control. I have never seen them so long. Like 20 minutes for a churro. And I couldn’t seem to order any food on my app. I am not sure if it was the places I was trying to order from or something wasn’t working right but that was pretty frustrating.

Our Trip to Disneyland Using the Disneyland Military Discount

For dinner that night we had such a yummy fried chicken dinner at the Plaza Inn. So good!

We were planning to stay until midnight, but we only made it to 10 because well, two of us are in our 40s…but we gave it a good try. Our feet were so sore at the end of the night but all the walking was worth it.

The next day we were going to go to California Adventure, I let the boys sleep in and had breastfast with my parents and brother before we went so we ended up getting to the park at about 11. Our first ride was Guardians of the Galaxy, which is such a cool yet strange ride. And then we explored the new Avengers Campus. Very cool and we started talking about ways they could expand it.

Our Trip to Disneyland Using the Disneyland Military Discount

We had lunch in Cars Land which I think is so fun, and then used the single rider line for the Radiator Springs Racers. If your kids are old enough to ride by themselves, always do the single rider line. It was only about 10 minutes and the regular wait time was about two hours.

We went on a few more rides but I started to get pretty frustrated. It was so crowded. I don’t even think it was that crowded when I went in previous years July. I found that so weird because I thought one of the reasons for the reservation system was fewer people. I just wanted to go back to Disneyland.

Our Trip to Disneyland Using the Disneyland Military Discount

We decided to head to Downtown Disney for a bit, my middle son got a cool Lego set at the Lego store, and then we took the Monorail back into Disneyland, which my kids have never done before so that was fun. We split up again, I headed to the Starbucks because I really wanted a Disneyland Starbucks cup, and the boys headed into Tomorrowland.

We met back up, did Toon Town, and back to Star Wars Land. We headed home about 7 and got dinner on the way home.

Our Trip to Disneyland Using the Disneyland Military Discount

The next day we got to Disneyland about 9 or 10 and decided to start with Fantasyland. That was fun because I haven’t been on a lot of those rides in a long time. We ended Fantasyland with It’s a Small World and then had lunch in Star Wars Land. It was SO good! More about that in my Star Wars Land post.

We started the afternoon with Indiana Jones and the Jungle Cruise, which we all loved. Then we had a plan to wrap up our visit. We would do Splash Mountain, then head on over to Star Wars Land to ride Rise of the Resistance one more time. But, when we got there…they were shut down! Oh no!

This kind of broke our hearts a little so we had an early dinner at Hungry Bear again and decided to round out the trip with one last ride on Pirates of the Caribbean. That ride always makes me feel so good and I love the smell. Yep, the smell. If you know, you know.

Our Trip to Disneyland Using the Disneyland Military Discount

By the time we were done, I was done. I was good. I had my fill of Disney and don’t feel like I need to go back anytime soon. I am not sure if it is because I am older, or the crowds, what is going on in the world right now, or what but I just didn’t feel like I normally do after a visit. I had such a good time and made some amazing memories with my boys but not sure when we will do it again.

We decided not to pay for Genie+ even though I know that could have saved us time in the lines. I am not sure how I feel about Disney charging for a fast pass type system. Maybe it is just going to be one of those things we have to do at Disney, cost or not. We will see.

Our Trip to Disneyland Using the Disneyland Military Discount

Have you ever been to Disney? When do you plan to go again???

Feeling Strong as a MilSpouse, It Doesn’t Always Happen

by 1 Comment

“We are military spouses, we are strong, we can do anything that comes our way!”

We hear this a lot. How strong we are. How we can get through anything. And while I know we can get through so much, it isn’t always as simple as that. Sometimes military life punches us right in the gut, and that isn’t the easiest to recover from. And the last thing we might be feeling at that time is strong.

The truth of the matter is we as military spouses want to feel strong. We want to believe we can take anything that comes our way, and for the most part we do. But, it is never that simple. 

There are so many different emotions during a deployment. From sadness to excitement, to feeling strong to feeling weak. And the truth is, there is no one right way to feel. Some days you might be on the verge of tears, others you are rocking around your living room because you just hit four months down.

Don’t put the pressure on yourself to always have to feel strong. Because you won’t always feel that way. Some days you will, some days you won’t. What you can do is work to remind yourself that you can do this, no matter how long they might be away. Here is how to do that.

  • Remember what you have already been through. For me, that can be a 15-month deployment or even a short one with two young boys, and a baby. I think about all the time I have been away from my husband and how I was able to grow through that. It helps me put this current situation into perspective. 
  • Change up your routine. Sometimes all we need is to change things up. Maybe this is you deciding that every Friday will now be pizza night. Maybe it is you deciding you need to cancel a few events during the week as the burnout is hitting you hard.

Don’t worry too much about feeling or not feeling strong. Figure out how to make it through the harder days, and you will find that inner strength. You have been through things that you can look back and say, “wow I did it and I can do it again.” 

In addition to this, you can also help other spouses find their strength. You can help one another out, and help each other get to the finish line. Because sometimes when we are feeling strong, others around us are not. And we can here there to help them, just like they help us when the time comes.

Yes, military spouses are strong. We pretty much have to be. But feeling strong isn’t always possible. And sometimes that can make us feel less then.

Just remember that this is normal. Military spouse life is really a mix of emotions, and you won’t always feel like you can conquer the world. And that really is okay. I promise.

Parenting Your Teens Through a Deployment

by Leave a Comment

Happy to have this guest post by Becca! Want to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life? Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know! I take pieces on anything milspouse related, from deployment tips to duty station reviews.

Parenting Your Teens Through a Deployment

Being a military spouse is a hard job. Being a parent of teens is even harder. When deployments come, and you’re left to parent teenagers on your own, it can feel like going into battle with only a popsicle stick as a weapon. Teenagers aren’t as scary as they sound, as long as you know what to do when the going gets rough. Deployments represent an extraordinary chance to connect with your teens and strengthen your bond.

A Note About Teenagers

We were warned about the teenage years. Everyone told us they would be terrible – that our kids would run amok, be defiant, and skip school. While those things do sometimes happen, I’m here to tell you that, by and large, teenagers are awesome. 

In their teen years, our kids grow into themselves. We get to see glimpses of the adults they will become. It’s a wonderful time for meaningful conversations about life, the world, and your child’s place in it. And let’s not forget that teenagers are self-sufficient: they sleep until noon if you let them, do their own laundry, and once they get a driver’s license, you can have them stop at the grocery store on the way home from school. 

Of course, it’s not all sunshine and roses. Teens face very real, very scary problems: societal pressures, mental health challenges, bullying, drugs, alcohol, sex. I’d take potty training and tantrums any day over having to navigate some of the issues my teens have faced.

Being a Teenager in a Military Family

Military kids aren’t immune from typical teenage problems. In fact, they face even greater challenges because they are military kids: constantly moving from one school to the next, saying goodbye to friends at a pivotal time in their lives, and living without one or both parents for months on end. During a deployment, those typical teenage problems seem even more significant to our kids. 

As the parent left behind, we often take on the brunt of their pain, anger, and sadness. Guiding teenagers through a parent’s deployment can feel like a monumental task, but it is not impossible. With enough careful planning, love, and outside support, you can help your teens cope during a deployment. 

Take Care of Yourself First

We hear it all the time as military spouses: you have to take care of yourself first. “You can’t pour from an empty cup,” they tell us. “You have to put your oxygen mask on before helping others.” All cheesy cliches aside, self-care is vital, especially during emotionally exhausting times of life. Teenagers can be super wonderful most of the time, but they are also challenging at others.

Your energy isn’t infinite. To have enough energy to support your teens when they struggle, you have to recharge first. Start by carving out some time for yourself. 

Keep Them Talking

Teenagers might act like they don’t need us (and they might even believe they don’t). However, in these formative years, parental guidance is crucial. When one parent is deployed, half of our kids’ parenting support system is gone for months at a time. 

Be intentional about creating and maintaining open communication. Getting a teen to open up about thoughts and feelings isn’t always easy, but the tips in this link can help you start a dialogue. Let them know that you are a safe space, that your teen can tell you anything, without judgment – and mean it. 

Secondly, before a deployment, have your spouse create a communication plan with your teen. Maybe it’s an online game that your teen and your spouse can play together across the miles. Perhaps it’s a weekly phone call solely between your spouse and your teens. Encourage your kids to keep a journal of things they want to tell their deployed parent. Then, during that scheduled call, they’ll have lots to talk about.

Encourage External Support

Teens value the opinions of their peers. Often, they’ll listen to their peers long before they listen to adults. The trick is to guide your teens toward healthy, positive friendships that strengthen their mental and emotional health.

Military kids face specific challenges that only other military kids can truly understand. If your child doesn’t have any military-associated friends, encourage them to seek out groups of military peers. Connecting with other military kids can help your teen feel less alone. 

If your child struggles to find others who understand, suggest the following:

  • School groups with like-minded people. Many military communities have after-school programs that connect military kids.
  • Contact the School Liaison Officer on your campus. This person can help direct your child towards support programs for teens with deployed parents. 
  • Online groups, such as Military Kids Connect. Many teens feel more comfortable opening up online than they do in person. Of course, be sure to monitor these online groups and ensure everyone stays safe.

If your child is genuinely struggling with mental or emotional health, contact your medical professional. You might also reach out to on-post mental health services, such as the completely free Military and Family Life Counseling (MFLC) representative on your installation. Some locations have MFLCs that work specifically with children and teens. Many therapists off-post also take Tricare insurance, giving your child access to a great network of mental health professionals at no cost. 

Stay Busy

During a deployment, days can often feel twice as long. Staying busy helps the time pass quickly, and it helps keep you and your teens connected. Sit down together and brainstorm ideas for a “deployment bucket list.” Include places to go, things to do, and unique experiences to do together while your spouse is deployed. Then, choose at least one item from that list to complete each week.

You can also encourage your teens to stay busy with after-school activities, sports, time with friends, and pursuing new hobbies. Fill your days – and theirs – with mental stimulation and physical activity. Staying busy not only helps the deployment go by faster, but it also gives you and your teen an outlet to release your emotional and mental stress.

Lower Your Expectations

We sometimes forget that our teenagers aren’t mini-adults. They’re still kids. And they’re kids dealing with very real emotions about their deployed parent. Cut your kids some slack during deployment and lower your expectations. Mental health is always more important than an “A” on the science test.

Even in the best of circumstances, parenting teens can be tough. Adding a deployment to the equation sometimes makes it feel impossible. Take it one day at a time. Take care of yourself. And love your kids hard. Eventually, that deployment countdown will hit zero, and you’ll be a stronger family because you faced this hardship together.  

Becca Stewart is an Air Force Spouse, mother of two, freelance writer, and sufferer of Wanderlust. Originally from Colorado, she enjoys anything outdoors, especially if there’s snow involved. She is a travel fanatic, always looking for her next great adventure. As a full-time writer, Becca works closely with several nonprofit organizations and is a passionate advocate for human rights and military families. She is Mom to two incredible kids, one teen, and one young adult. Together, they’ve been through four deployments and countless TDYs.  Learn more at writebecca.com.  Website Facebook LinkedIn