Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

military spouse

You Sent Them To War, Don’t Cut Our Benefits

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Military cuts are in the news these days and they sting when they hit close to home. Sometimes I get really angry about it. From my limited understanding and after being a military spouse for the last ten years it seems like there are other places they could cut. I wonder why they even go after programs that can help military families? We are the ones that are supporting our service member. We are the ones waiting back at home while they complete their mission. If you send them to war, why do you think it is okay to cut our benefits?

You Sent Them To War, Don't Cut Our Benefits

 

If it was up to me I would ensure that every military family has what they need. When it comes to the people I want to vote for, I look for those that want these things too. They are important to me as a military spouse and I think they are important to you too.

Good Medical Care

I know how hard it can be to find good and affordable health insurance but one of the benefits of being in the Military is that you do get healthcare for you and your family and for good reason. If you are off in a war zone, you want to know your family is going to be taken care of. The problem is, cuts always seem to come to Tricare and they hurt. Currently, they want to cut ABA. Not good. We used ABA for our son and we were so thankful for that care. I hate that people think they should be cutting those services. It’s also frustrating to hear when people have trouble getting help for their kids or care for themselves because of different cuts that have been happening. Military families should not have to worry about healthcare.

Good Schools

All military children should have access to good schools. Whether this means on post or off post. If the schools in the area around post are not a good place to send a child, there should be a way for parents to take their children to the on post schools.  I think parents should feel good about the schools their kids are able to go to. On post schools should be very aware of who their students are. Switching zoning around every year is simply not a good idea. Military kids move often anyway, why make them change schools in between a tour? I have heard stories of situations happening in on post schools and it doesn’t make a lot of sense why they are doing what they do. Our experience with off post schools has been good overall here but that isn’t always the case with military families. Having a lot of resources that can help military families find the right school is a good thing.

Good Support

Hearing that services like the MWR or ACS are being cut makes me sad. Military spouses and families need extra support, especially during deployments. We need access to events to pass the time, places to learn and childcare. That can help the spouse get through a challenging time as well as providing a place to make new friends.  While there are other ways to make friends and find support in the military community, it is a good thing to have these services for spouses and I hate to see them being cut because of lack of funds. This makes me think that those who are in charge of what is being cut have no idea what these services can do for military spouses.

Good Housing

All military families should be able to live in safe and affordable housing. It doesn’t have to be brand new or really big, it just needs to be safe and a good place for people to raise their families. Each family usually has a choice about if they want to live on post or off post. This is something to really think about. There are positives and negatives to both. The military does have some checks for finding places off post. Some rentals are blacklisted which is helpful for knowing who to stay away from when looking for a place to rent. There have been horror stories of on post living where people have gotten sick or have been put in run down housing that has not been taken care of. This is not okay. Military families should always have a comfortable place to live.

Military families

When I think of what our family has gone through and what other families have gone through I know that this military life is full of stressful situations. I know that sending someone to war is a challenging and emotional thing to have to do and that benefits make such a big difference to the morale of the families. I just hope that if the military does need to make cuts it will not be at the expense of the military family.

 

 

Should You Ask Your Spouse To Get Out Of The Military?

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When it comes to re-enlisting the decision needs to be between the military member and their spouse. They need to talk about the pros and the cons and what life would be like if they stayed in or if they got out of the military.

Should You Ask Your Spouse To Get Out Of The Military?

Should you ask your spouse to get out of the military? Is that the right thing to do? What if you feel like you want military life to be over but they do not? What if they see 20 years and you can barely see how you will make it through the next 20 months until their ETS date?

The answer to this question is a complicated one. In some situations, yes you should and in others it is best to figure out tips to get through military life instead.

How do you know what you should do?

Communicate

The number one thing to do is communicate your feelings to your spouse. Let them know how you are feeling, why you feel the way you do and what you think you two should do when it comes to their military career. Ask your spouse questions about their career, their goals and where they see themselves five or ten years down the road. It’s possible that they want to leave the military too. Talking things out can put you two on the same page or can help you understand why you don’t see eye to eye.

Think of your family

Life after the military can be hard and stressful. Is your family ready for that? Do you bring in an income now? Will you be willing to work to bring in more income if they get out? Do you have kids that need the extra benefits you get from the military? Would it be better for them to have their Dad or Mom around all the time instead? There is a lot to think about when trying to decide on if your spouse should get out of the military and sometimes that doesn’t even depend on what you and your spouse are experiencing but it depends on what your family is going through and what they need.

Think of your emotional health

I used to think that everyone could make it through military life. That everyone could handle a deployment. But then we went through our 4th deployment and it almost broke me. It was something I had never felt before. I realized that although there is a lot you can do to make it through a difficult situation, sometimes it might be too hard to keep going. Sometimes you will need an extra level of help and sometimes that help is going to be having a spouse that is no longer in the military.

Think of their career

If you and your spouse decided they would join the military together or if you like us decided to give it three years and see what it happens, that is going to be a different situation then if you met your spouse in the middle of their military career or if the long term plan was to be in for at least twenty years. This doesn’t mean things won’t change but I think the situations are so different and do make a difference when it comes to whether your spouse will want to stay in or not. I have met some strong women who have stood by their husbands as military spouses for the last twenty or thirty years. I admire them and I wonder if that could have been me. If my husband really wanted to stay in the Army, if he really wanted to move forward with it, would I have been able to handle that? Or would I have had to ask him to get out and do something else.

Military life is hard. For some, it feels impossible. Regardless of how much their spouse wants this for a career, it might not be the best thing long term. If you are a spouse that is struggling, know that your feelings are valid. You have a lot to talk with your spouse about. You have some decisions to make together. I wish you good luck as you try to figure out how much the military will be a part of your futures.

Have you ever been in this situation where you felt like you wanted to ask your spouse to not re-enlist and get out of the military? How did you come to that decision?

10 Reasons Why I Love Being A Milspouse Blogger

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We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men. ~Herman Melville

10 Reasons Why I Love Being A Milspouse Blogger

It wasn’t until 2009 that I realized that there was a Milspouse blogging community. Although I had joined an online forum for Military spouses when my husband joined in 2005, I didn’t realize that there were so many amazing spouses out there writing about the same type of experiences I was having. It was refreshing to see. I started my blog and soon found others and it grew from there.

After six years as a Milspouse blogger, there is a lot to love about being a part of this community. I have seen it grow over the years and I feel like it is in a very good place these days. There are a lot of talented spouses out there that have a blog that you can read and connect with.

Here are 10 reasons why I love being a Milspouse Blogger…

  1. I can get my thoughts out. One of the reasons I decided to start a Military Spouse blog was because I wanted a place to share my thoughts with others. Blogging is the best way to do that. I can write and share with people who can understand what I am trying to say.
  2. I can connect with others spouses in all branches of the Military. We live in a city with an Army post so most of the Military spouse friends I make here have spouses in the Army. It is the Milspouse blogging world that allows me to get to know other spouses whose husband represents a different branch. They help me understand the differences between the branches and helps me see that we are all spouses of someone in the Military and go through a lot of the same situations, even if we call them different names.
  3. I can share my photos. Photography is a passion of mine. By being a blogger I have a place to share some of the photos whether it is on my blog or through social media. I love being able to share the pictures I have taken over the years of all the places we have been and have lived.
  4. I can help other people not feel as alone. I love to hear when people can connect to my writing and have been in the same place. It helps me know that I am helping other people with my words. That the difficult situations I have been through can help someone else get through their own struggles.
  5. I can work from home. Blogging and the opportunities I have gained from it allow me to work from home. I can be there for my boys when they need me to be, we don’t have to pay for daycare and I can have a career that works for me.
  6. I don’t feel as alone. When I am reading blog posts from others and can relate to what they are saying, it allows me to not feel as alone. Whether it is a post about missing my spouse or what to do after Army life is over, it is nice to hear what other people have to say about similar situations that I have been through too.
  7. I learn something new every day. Whether it is a tip about blogging or something to do with Military life, I feel like other bloggers and the Military blogging community is always teaching me something new. This is a good thing and it is a great way to grow as a person and as a blogger.
  8. The Military becomes a smaller world. Because I have met people through blogging who have been stationed all over the world, the Military family seems a bit smaller. I can gain perspectives on different experiences even though I have never lived them myself.
  9. It gives me a place to create. Sometimes I get these ideas in my head. My blog is a place to create and figure out different ways of doing things. I always have some idea going on in my head, my blog gives me a place to put it somewhere. Even if I don’t hit publish on everything I do.
  10. I am more aware of what is going on in Military news. When something comes out in the news about the Military, the Military blogging community is always talking about it. By being in this community, I feel like I never miss out on any of it. Always a good thing to be aware of what is going on in your own community.

Are you in the Milspouse blogger too? What is your link? I would love to check it out.

So You Got Stationed Overseas: Why you NEED to make TRAVEL a part of your short PCS abroad

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Thanks so much to LeAnna Brown for this guest post!

stationed overseas

Living in Europe for the past five years as a contractor with the US Army, I have had what most people would call a “Dream Life.”  I’ve learned to budget travel and travel hack, so we get to travel extensively and all over the world, not just Europe!  I’ve danced on the tables at Oktoberfest, I’ve climbed all 1710 step of the Eiffel Tower and I’ve cliff dived into the blue ocean in Croatia, to name a few adventures.

I started shopping at the local grocery store the first week I moved to Germany and I’ve taken advantage of just about every 4-Day Weekend we’ve had to go somewhere new.  So, I’ve learned a thing or two about living life abroad while being stationed overseas.  

However, I found that there were SO many military members, spouses and families that were sitting on Post not ever leaving…and then complaining that life was horrible here in Europe and that they couldn’t wait to move back to the States!

This not only made me sad that they were not seeing the Europe that I was, but was also infuriating me that so many people only DREAM of getting to visit Europe and yet some people that got assigned here were dismissing that opportunity completely.

But then I started to find out WHY some of these people weren’t getting out and exploring

Some were too nervous about buying the wrong items at the store.

Others didn’t like not being able to communicate with the locals.

Many didn’t think that they could afford to travel or site see.

stationed overseas

About the Book: So You Got Stationed Overseas: Why you NEED to make TRAVEL a part of your short PCS abroad

So, I took ALL the experience of the 40 countries and 90 new cities I had seen over the past five years, and combined it with stories from local spouses that I collected through research to create the ultimate How- To book for anyone facing an upcoming PCS to Europe, or those already living there! 

I help the person stepping off the plane learn to get acquainted with life abroad by slowly dipping your toes into the local culture but giving exact tips and advice on how to do so, like navigating the local grocery stores.

I encourage all the nay-sayers with excuses to drop them out of the plane as you cross the ocean.  Therefore, I PROVE how to budget for travel, how to adjust for military schedules and more in order to get out and site-see. But not only do I prove this, I include a workbook with guides that help you do the same.

I then drop resource after resource for people living in Europe looking for ways to budget travel or even those wanting to LEARN how to plan a trip!

This isn’t your typical PCS checklist book and it isn’t your Rick Steves Travel Planning guide either.  It is a resource for you, the military member facing that overwhelming OCONUS PCS! 

And, as if helping active duty service members isn’t enough, 5% of the books proceeds also is donated towards the Wounded Warrior Project!

You Can Order The Book on Amazon HERE. 

Know someone who is PCSing to Europe? Share this invaluable resource with them so that they can take advantage of their time abroad!

Are you facing an OCONUS PCS?  What fears or questions do you have? Sometimes it is just a matter of getting them answered before you can have the time of your life!

stationed overseasAbout the Author

LeAnna Brown currently helps fellow travelers learn how to travel on a tight budget and Travel Hack through her blog EconomicalExcursionists.com.  After almost 40 countries down in four years and only a few thousand dollars spent a year on travel, they have learned to penny pinch their way to a bare minimalist lifestyle to help them see and appreciate the world. 

You can get daily dosages of travel tips and motivation by “Liking” Economical Excrusionists on Facebook or follow her on twitter @EconExcursion.

Other articles written by LeAnna that may interest you:

Travel Hacking for Beginners: http://www.economicalexcursionists.com/travel-hacking-beginners-guide/

15 Ways to Pinch Pennies for Future Travel: http://www.economicalexcursionists.com/save-for-a-vacation/#.VdB0ivmqqko

If you would like to learn more about traveling for FREE through Travel Hacking (using points for free flights and hotels), check out the Free E-Course offered by the Economical Excursionist. 

All The Time He Has Missed During Military Life

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All The Time He Has Missed During Military Life

15 Months

11 Months

5.5 Months

6.5 Months

= 38 months or 3 years, 2 months.

This is how long my husband was gone on deployments. This does not count any of the other times he has been gone for non-deployment reasons.

WOW! Almost 3.5 years? I can’t even wrap my mind around that. I can’t. Looking back, we got through it. Sometimes just one hour at a time but we did it.

Sometimes I still break down over what he missed.

He missed so much. He kissed our 3-week old boy goodbye after meeting him just 2 weeks earlier and he did not see him again until he was almost one. He missed the whole first year of his life. That is a lot of time. If you have a baby, you know how different a 3 week old is from an 11-month-old. You know everything they go through in that time. All the stages and changes. My husband got to experience all of that through photos. That’s it. Just photos.

He said to me once that it was a weird feeling. Knowing you had a son out there that you loved but didn’t know at all. That broke my heart.

Was it worth it? I don’t know. I really don’t.

I don’t like to think about that. I don’t want to think about the politics of why he was there because it hurts too much. He joined the Army and did his job and THAT is why he was gone.

He has missed so much and for an involved father like him, I can’t even imagine what that would be like. I have been away from my boys for 10 days at the longest and I was SO ready to get back to them.

His first deployment was 15 months long. It was extended. It should have been shorter. He came home for R&R to be with me for the birth of our child but got there a few days late. That was okay. I was able to handle that but I knew I wanted him there for any future babies we were going to have. I didn’t want to have to give birth without my husband again.

To add to things, my husband didn’t join the Army until our oldest son was 13 months old. He didn’t miss anything with him. He was there for the pregnancy, the labor, the birth, the newborn months, watching him learn to roll, to sit, to stand.

What has your spouse missed during Military Life that really bothered you? What did you do to deal with it?

Knowing that he got to experience that with my now 11-year-old and not with the 9-year-old still makes me tear up.

I think about the wives of soldiers during WW2. My Grandpa was gone for three years. They didn’t have kids at the time but other soldiers did. Can you imagine leaving you 2-year-old and seeing them again when they were 5? With only letters to get by? I can’t. That makes what we went through seem a lot easier.

I know we can’t beat ourselves up for all that he missed. We just can’t. It comes with Military life. It is normal for them to miss things. Other Military spouses get it. They have been through it as well. They understand how hard it can be too.

There are things you can do to make the distance a little easier. You can talk on video chat, send a lot of photos, talk on the phone, send care packages, etc. But at the end of the day, it is not the same as having them live in the same house with you and your children day after day.

As a Military spouse, you have to come to a place of accepting that your spouse will miss part of your kid’s childhood. You can’t always plan when they will be home. You can’t make sure that they will be there when you have a baby, when your child walks for the first time, when they start Kindergarten or when they graduate from high school. You might have to be there without them, take a few videos and some photos and share them with your spouse that way. You accept all of this as a part of Military life.

You can hope and pray that they won’t miss too many important things. They will be home sometimes. They will not be gone for all of their Military careers. Remember that when you feel frustrated about how much they have missed.

Think about the times you have had together, the experiences you have had because you are a Military family and the good that can come from standing by your spouse as they go through their Military career.

What has your spouse missed during Military Life that really bothered you? What did you do to deal with it?

The Hard Truth About Being A Military Spouse

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The Hard Truth About Being A Military Spouse

The Hard Truth About Being A Military Spouse

My husband and I had talked about him re-joining the Military for months before he actually did. It was a hard decision to make and I can remember thinking about how if he did join he would be gone for long periods of time. This would mean that I would be the solo parent in the home to our son and any future children we might have.

That was a hard thing to come to terms with. To think that I would have to be alone with my kids for periods of time. That wasn’t what I had in mind when I married my husband. We were going to have kids, several of them. He was a good father. He would be there for everything.

Being a solo parent is just one of the many ways that Military life is hard. It can really get to you and each day can be a struggle. And as much as there are good things about Military life like homecomings, good friends, taking pride in what your spouse is doing, there are some hard truths about it as well.

Your spouse is going to miss holidays

This one can be hard for some people, especially if you can’t make it home to be with other family members. Deployments and trainings doesn’t usually take off for the holidays, especially the smaller ones. You can’t ever assume that they will be home for Christmas, if they are, you are one of the lucky ones. You will have to make the best of it, celebrate later or figure out creative ways to still celebrate the holidays when they are gone.

You might have to give birth without them

Raise your hand if you had to give birth without your husband. So many of us Military spouses have had to do this. For me it was because they send him home on R&R but he didn’t get home in time. He met his son at our front door when he was three days old. Thank goodness my mom was there. I have had friends that do decide to go home if they know their husband will be gone for the birth. Others are able to Skype with them during the birth. Thank goodness for technology. Although a lot of commands do try to make it so that your spouse will be with you for the birth, it isn’t always possible.

Your friends will always be moving away

Military life includes a lot of moves. That means that people will be coming and going all the time. As a Military spouse you will have to say goodbye to a lot of people, your kids will too. Some of these people will be your best friends and saying goodbye will hurt in the worst way. Other friends might not be as close but you will miss seeing them on a regular basis and will feel their absence. And if your friends aren’t moving any time soon, you might be the one to have to do it. It is hard to always have to say goodbye and then try to make new friends again but we Military spouses do it. We do it all the time.

The Hard Truth About Being A Military Spouse

You will become independent and that will change the dynamic of your marriage

Because of the way Military life works, you will become more independent as a Military spouse. Things will break when they are gone and you will have to figure that out by yourself. You will have to run the household, pay all the bills, make a lot of decisions alone that a lot of couples make together. All of that will make you very independent. This can be a challenge when they are home. You will still want to do it all and sometimes you have to let them do things again. This is something you and your spouse will have to work through in order to get to a good place.

It’s important to understand these hard truths if you are a Military spouse. You want to be prepared for them and it is also nice to know that a lot of other Military spouses experience these challenges too. It can help you not feel so alone if your spouse is in the Military and you are living the Military life.

Leave me a comment and tell me what has been hard for you during your time as a Military spouse? How do you get through those challenges?

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Paris, War and the Military Spouse

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Paris, War & the Military SpouseParis, War and the Military Spouse

Paris was attacked on Friday. This was big news. I found out on social media which is where I find out about most worldly events, I am not a big tv news watcher. I started seeing people posting photos of visits to Paris and that we should pray for them.  I didn’t really understand why until I saw what had happened.

Paris was attacked by terrorists. About 130 people were killed that night. Such a tragedy.

I have had a few days to think about all this. I have read a few blog posts about it and seen so many social media posts about it as well. Everyone seems to have an option about what happened, about how the US is acting, about what we should be doing to support Paris and about why we didn’t do anything about other attacks in the last week, attacks in places like Beirut, Syria and Kenya. There is a lot going on in this world right now.

Is it fair to blame people who are supporting Paris but were silent on the other places? I don’t know. I for one didn’t know much about them until after Paris happened. I will admit I probably did see news articles about those things happening. And I am sure my thought was, “That is so very sad, yet another tragedy in that part of the world.” I didn’t do much else. I didn’t share photos praying for those places, I didn’t change my Facebook profile to their flags. I just went along in my day.

Paris gets hit and it affects me differently. Paris is close to Germany, where we used to live. People in Paris are more like me then people in those other places. Still, I can’t help but feel guilty about not really acknowledging what is happening in other parts of the world. I think focusing on Paris makes sense because we feel like Paris is like us. We feel connections to Paris that we don’t to other places. Is this the way it should be? Probably not but it is what happens. If you tell me that your friend’s sister’s neighbor’s house burned down, I am going to feel sad about that. If you tell me someone in my neighborhood’s house burned down, it would affect me much more. I would look into more tangible ways of helping them. I would feel more connected to it. This is just reality.

So what can we learn from this? That maybe we should look at what is going on everywhere. We should be aware of the World, not just the Western part of it. All of it matters.

There is another part of what happened in Paris that worries me. War. More war. More fighting. More deployments. I don’t know of very many Military Spouses that heard about Paris and didn’t think about what it could mean for their own spouse. If feels like the wars we have been fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan are never going to end, regardless of what any politician says.

When you live in a community where people are still deploying, you know that things are not over, they are still happening and people are still going off to war.

I am not sure what the solution to ISIS is. It’s a scary thing to think that people would hate other people so much that they could go in and kill them. The thought of that makes me want to burst into tears. But what do we do about that? What should America do? Keep sending people to the same places over and over? Back in 2003 I thought that was the solution. That we should send our troops in to do what was needed. It is now the end of 2015 and I just don’t know anymore.

What can America do when we have been at war for so long? When the Military is tired?

I don’t know the answers to these questions. I don’t know what would be right or moral or what should happen? I don’t know if what we are doing is going to help or make things worse. I have to trust in those that have the power to make those decisions but it is a difficult thing to do. Especially when my husband could be dirrectly affect by the choices those people make.

I know so many people who have been affected by war because I have been a Military Spouse for 10 years now. I know how some don’t come home and some come home broken. I see how marriages can break up and things are never the same after time over there.

I think of all of these things when I see that more war might be needed and all I can do is pray.

Pray for those areas, all of them, in Europe and Asia and the rest of the world. Pray for the innocent people who might die because of everything that is going on. Pray for the Military families that will see more war than any other generation. And hope that the US and our allies can make the right decisions that in the end will lead to a more peaceful world.