The SWCL Shop was started in 2021, to bring my designs to the marketplace.
I have created a store on Zazzle to offer my designs and memes on magnets, stickers, prints, and more! Perfect for your military spouse life.
This post contains affiliate links!
Here is what you can find in the shop!
Exciting news!
Jen McDonald’s book, You Are Not Alone: Encouragement for the Heart of a Military Spouse has an updated version!
Since its first publication in 2016, You Are Not Alone has resonated with military spouses, both new and experienced, and ranked as a bestseller in the Military Family and Christian Devotionals categories. Each of the 30 daily readings is written from the perspective of faith.
Readers will find practical tips (“Basic Training for Spouses”), related Scripture, and journal prompts for further reflection. Whether it’s a deployment, move, the challenges of military spouse life, or raising military kids, you’ll find real-life inspiration and hope from someone who’s been there. The 2022 edition has been updated and reformatted for a better reading and journaling experience, along with having a beautiful new cover design. It will be coming soon on audiobook, as well!
Jen McDonald sent me a free copy of the book for review, and I wanted to share a little bit about the book.
First of all, I love how the book is set up. There are 30 days of readings and each day starts with a quote. There is then a bit of a story section, and then actionable advice. This is followed by a scripture, and then some questions to ask yourself. The chapter ends with a prayer.
There are 7 parts:
She has also included some amazing resources in the back of the book.
I would have loved to have read this book as a new military spouse. Back then, I needed all the encouragement I could get. I still do sometimes today!
If you are interested, Jen is also hosting a book study, You Are Not Alone: Encouragement for the Heart of a Military Spouse in the Christian Military Spouses Facebook group that started Feb. 9, and anyone is welcome to join. She will be giving some behind-the-scenes insight and comments on each section as well as providing extra questions and journal prompts.
You Are Not Alone: Encouragement for the Heart of a Military Spouse by Jen McDonald is published by Little Things Press and is available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and other book outlets.
Whether you are a new military spouse, have been one for a while, or even getting ready for the retirement years, this book will encourage you, allow you to put things in perspective, and have a better military spouse life.
Making plans as a military spouse feels like gambling. Will we be able to go on that trip? Will we really move to that state next year? What will the next few years look like?
I learned pretty quickly that the military is going to disappoint you. Paperwork takes longer than it should, dates get changed, and you can be left feeling like your thoughts and desires don’t even matter.
Getting used to this isn’t easy and even 16 years in, I still feel that disappointment. I feel it when drill dates get changed last minute. I feel it when we have to cancel trips due to being called up. I feel it when I start to wonder if my husband will be deployed and if so for how long?
There are just so many unknown changes in military life.
I think we try to cling to things that seem so certain, even if they could actually change, even if we know they might do so. We want so badly to have a normal life, plan all the things, and have them actually happen. We want to feel like we have some type of control.
When we hear our spouse might be getting orders to a new duty station in California, we want to plan all the things. We want to figure out where to live and what schools our kids will go to. We want to start a bucket list and plan what we will do for fun. We want to start to apply for jobs and get that moving.
But then, the military changes its mind and we end up in another state or another country and have to start the process all over again. We get frustrated because even if we can come to terms with the moves, coming to terms with the changes associated with them can be more difficult.
The truth is, the military is going to disappoint you and often. And the best thing to do is figure out how to roll with these changes. Because they are going to keep coming.
The military is going to disappoint you because living a military life is a bit of a sacrifice. Your service member signed up to give these years to the government. And doing so means that the mission comes first. Even if it is frustrating or inconvenient for the family.
We joke about always writing our plans in pencil but maybe that is what we have to do to stay sane. We joke about Murphy but maybe we have to plan for that to happen, and a plan for what we should do if it does. We joke about “hurry up and wait” but maybe that is what we always have to have in our heads when it comes to anything military.
As military spouses, we have to work hard to establish ourselves even within the military world. Depending on where you are stationed and what your own dreams might be, this isn’t always easy. We might need to pivot and plan for a last-minute deployment, or other change we didn’t see coming.
As military spouses, we have to figure out ways to handle the disappointment that comes with all of this. Some of us might need to cry it out, that’s okay. There is nothing wrong with feeling sad over a disappointment. But then, we have to figure out how to move through the change, and what we can do to get back on track.
Having some good military spouse friends, either in person, online, or both can be a good way to handle some of what military life brings. Your military spouse friends have been there. And can be there to encourage you. To see the light in the tunnel, and to help you come up with a plan.
Having good systems in place so you are not left all alone and so that you do have a backup plan is important. Who will you call if something breaks in your house? Who will you go to if your childcare falls through? What will you do when you are having a bad day and just need to find a listening ear?
Having a good plan for those what-ifs of military life can go a long way in helping you through periods of time when the military disappoints you. You can plan for everything, and when you do, those plans can change but you can be prepared for what you might need in the future.
You can also try to use caution when it comes to certain things. Don’t plan out a PCS before the orders come. Don’t assume your spouse will be around for something in the future, they might not be. And yes, always use that pencil in your planner. That way you can pivot, change, and get through the disappointments that come with military life.
Is it really time for Valentine’s Day again? Time is moving that’s for sure. Before we know it summer will be here and we will be getting ready for another fall season.
Valentine’s Day is always an interesting holiday. The day is all about love, spending time together, and remembering why you love one another.
For military spouses, this might be a little bit more complicated. Your service member might be deployed or otherwise not living in your home at the moment. You might want to skip the day altogether but your kids wouldn’t be too happy about that. You may be left asking yourself if you should even celebrate and if you should, what can you do?
Here are 12 things to do this Valentine’s Day if your service member is far away:
1) Buy yourself some chocolate
Go, do it. Buy yourself some chocolate. You can pick out your favorite kind. And no, you don’t have to share it with anyone.
2) Celebrate with friends
Plan something fun with your friends. Have dinner, go see a movie, or even set up a fun Zoom party. Celebrate the love that comes with friendships.
3) Buy yourself flowers
Buy a new plant. Buy your own flowers. Buy something special that brings you joy.
4) Order a yummy meal
Put the kids to bed early. Order something yummy for yourself, put on your favorite movie, and enjoy the night for what it is. A night to treat yourself.
5) Make a playlist for your spouse just for the holiday
Think back to when couples would make themselves mixed tapes. It’s just the modern version. Put your favorites or songs that remind you of your relationship. It can be a trip down memory lane.
6) Have a video chat Valentine’s Day date
If you can make this work, plan a video date with your sweetheart. You might not be in the same room but that way you can spend Valentine’s Day together.
7) Give your kids Valentine’s Day
If your spouse can’t be around, focus on giving Valentine’s to your kids. They will love them and you can have a fun time celebrating Valentine’s Day with them.
8) Have a Valentine’s Day baking day
Plan a Valentine’s Day baking day. You can do this solo, with your kids, or with friends. Make heart-shaped cookies, bake a pink and white cake, or create a new Valentine’s Day treat.
9) Nothing
This is also an option. Don’t do anything. You don’t have to. And if that is what is more comfortable for you, why not? You don’t have to celebrate any holiday you really don’t want to celebrate.
10) Phone a friend or family member
Why not take the day to catch up with someone you haven’t talked to for a while. I am talking about the good old-fashioned phone call. This can be a good friend, your mom, your grandma, or anyone else you feel like calling.
11) Read a good romance
Curl up with some hot chocolate and dive into a romance novel. Escape into another world. And if romance is not your thing, how about a fantasy? Or any other type of book you can get lost in.
12) Watch a good rom-com
Find a fun rom-com to get lost in. It can be something from the 90s that you love or something new that just came out on Netflix. There are so many options. Don’t forget the popcorn!
How will you spend this Valentine’s Day???
The SWCL Shop was started in 2021, to bring my designs to the marketplace.
I have created a store on Zazzle to offer my designs and memes on magnets, stickers, prints, and more! Perfect for your military spouse life.
This post contains affiliate links!
Here is what you can find in the shop!
We have all been the newbie military spouse. The one who really didn’t know how to navigate this life. The one who had all the questions.
But as time goes on, as you go through a deployment or two, have a PCS under your belt, you realize you are no longer the newest military spouse on the block. You realize that you actually have the advice to offer and you are working to find out your place.
How involved do you want to be in the military spouse community? What can you offer? How do you make sure you are not ignoring your own dreams during military life?
The truth is, finding your place in the military spouse world depends on so many things. From where you are first stationed to what you left behind when your service member joined or when you married them. It depends on the goals you have for yourself, and how involved the military is in your life as you try to achieve them. And this isn’t the same for everyone.
As a new military spouse, I arrived in Germany with an 18-month-old and got pregnant again right away. I was trying to navigate military life as a SAHM in a 3rd-floor stairwell apartment in Germany. My life was pretty much 100% little kids and military, without much room for anything else. The military was in charge of so much of my life.
Moving back to the US four years later, we finally had a little more space between us and the military. Choosing to live off post allowed us a little more space as well as simply being stationed in the U.S. versus overseas. It’s just a very different type of military experience.
There are different “roles” you might find yourself in. And you may or may not want to stay there. They might not be a good fit.
The truth is, finding your place in the military spouse world is all about what you feel comfortable with. Some military spouses want to be as involved as possible. They volunteer for the FRG or other on post events. They seem to know a lot about military life and can direct you if you have a question or tell you where you can go to get an answer.
Other military spouses take a back seat to the military world. They stay away from post as much as possible. They work, live, and spend their free time away from the military. They have more of a hands-off as much as possible approach.
And then, there is everyone in between. The reality is, there is no right answer on how to military spouse. You should be involved as much you want to be or as little as you want to be. And your spouse’s rank shouldn’t even be a factor.
We, military spouses, should never feel like we have to run an FRG meeting or set up a spouse’s group. We should do so because we have a desire to do so. We should do so because that is what we want to do, not because it is expected of us.
We, military spouses, have the right to focus solely on our careers. Solely on our children and homes. Or solely on both without worrying too much about the role of the military in our lives. Doing so isn’t for everyone.
We, military spouses, have to find our place, and we get to decide how involved we want to be.
I am so thankful for the military spouses who have stepped up. So many have come before us and have said, “no, this isn’t okay” and they work to change things. I am so thankful that the military spouse norm of the past isn’t the norm anymore. That we have so much more freedom than previous generations.
But, will the military itself catch up to modern times? What can change to make a better military life balance for everyone? Both spouse and service member?
Even though I live by a large Army installation, most of my interactions with other military spouses seem to be online these days. Maybe this is due to the pandemic, or maybe just the way modern life is. As modern military spouses, you can reach out to anyone from the comfort of your own homes.
We no longer have to attend an in-person event in order to get that information we might need to thrive in our military spouse life. We can connect to other spouses, through Facebook groups, TikTok accounts, and Instagram.
We can share our stories and know they will be seen by military spouses worldwide. We can offer advice to a spouse in another branch, stationed somewhere we will never go. The world is truly changing.
Military spouses have always been about community, and there have always been roles for us within that community. But things are changing, and what worked 10-15 years ago, might not work today. Modern military spouses are able to focus more on their own goals and are not as held back because of the military.
Hopefully, no matter how long you have been a military spouse, you are able to figure out where you fit within the military spouse community. And hopefully, whatever your choose to do, no matter how involved you want to be, it is respected. By other spouses, by your service member, and the bigger military as a whole.
How did you find your place within the military spouse world?
Another Christmas and yet you are gone, across the ocean, serving our country.
We knew this was a part of the deal, and yet, that doesn’t make it any easier. You are gone, away from us, and all we want for Christmas is you.
As the days get closer to the 25th, my heart feels a little less thrilled with the idea that we are so far away from one another. There is something about this holiday, more than any other, that you should be home for. And yet I know, the military doesn’t work like that. Life doesn’t work like that.
I know as a military spouse, just because I want them to be home doesn’t mean they will be. Just because I think they should be home, doesn’t mean they can be. I have to go with the flow, even if that flow hurts.
As I set up the Christmas tree, I can’t help but hold back a tear. I can’t help but think about the year before when you were here for all this. When you were right by my side as we decided on where each ornament should go.
As I set up the Christmas tree, I think about how hopefully you will be with us next year, and the year after, and the one after that. I hope and pray you never have to be over there during Christmas again. But how realistic is that type of prayer?
As I start to buy presents for our young children, I think about how you won’t be there to see them open them. To see the joy on their faces, and hear them laugh and get excited about Christmas morning.
I think about how I will make sure to record everything so that you don’t miss a thing, but you will anyway. That is just how it is. A million photos never make up for being there, no matter how many you take.
I think about how on Christmas Eve, it will just be me getting everything together. It will just be me putting the kids to bed in their cute Christmas PJs, and just me making sure the cookies and milk are out for Santa. It will just be me pouring some eggnog and watching a Christmas movie late into the night.
We will be missing you on Christmas.
As a military family, we have missed you so many times over the years. You have missed birthdays and anniversaries, and all the little things that make life special. And yet, I can’t help be feel like this is the road we have to be on. That you are a soldier, and I choose to follow you, even if it meant a Christmas away from you. Even if it meant missing you.
I think about how much you have given to this country. And how much more you will give. There will be more times apart, and more Christmases spent in different time zones.
But as I think about missing you on Christmas, I also think about how we can get through this, just like we have before.
You won’t be here for Christmas day, but we will be thinking of one another all the same. That is what we military families do. That is all we can really do when we are hit with missing each other so much.
Christmas won’t be the same, it can’t be, you are not here. But Christmas can still be special and we can still make some memories.
We are missing you on Christmas, as you are missing us. But we will get through this time apart. We always do and make it to the other side.
“We are military spouses, we are strong, we can do anything that comes our way!”
We hear this a lot. How strong we are. How we can get through anything. And while I know we can get through so much, it isn’t always as simple as that. Sometimes military life punches us right in the gut, and that isn’t the easiest to recover from. And the last thing we might be feeling at that time is strong.
The truth of the matter is we as military spouses want to feel strong. We want to believe we can take anything that comes our way, and for the most part we do. But, it is never that simple.
There are so many different emotions during a deployment. From sadness to excitement, to feeling strong to feeling weak. And the truth is, there is no one right way to feel. Some days you might be on the verge of tears, others you are rocking around your living room because you just hit four months down.
Don’t put the pressure on yourself to always have to feel strong. Because you won’t always feel that way. Some days you will, some days you won’t. What you can do is work to remind yourself that you can do this, no matter how long they might be away. Here is how to do that.
Don’t worry too much about feeling or not feeling strong. Figure out how to make it through the harder days, and you will find that inner strength. You have been through things that you can look back and say, “wow I did it and I can do it again.”
In addition to this, you can also help other spouses find their strength. You can help one another out, and help each other get to the finish line. Because sometimes when we are feeling strong, others around us are not. And we can here there to help them, just like they help us when the time comes.
Yes, military spouses are strong. We pretty much have to be. But feeling strong isn’t always possible. And sometimes that can make us feel less then.
Just remember that this is normal. Military spouse life is really a mix of emotions, and you won’t always feel like you can conquer the world. And that really is okay. I promise.
