Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Military Life

Marriage During a Deployment

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Marriage During a Deployment

We just celebrated our 14th anniversary this past week. In those 14 years we have gone through 4 deployments and have spent a lot of time apart. More time than I ever thought we would or would have wanted for us. Our deployments were all different. The first, in 2006-2007 was about 15 months long. The second one was in 2008-2009 and was a year. Then in 2011 he was gone for 5 months. In 2013 he was gone for 6 months. These deployments have all been challenging in their own ways.

Marriage During a Deployment

Marriage during a Deployment can be one of the most difficult things you will go through as a couple. Deployments can make or break a marriage. Some say that marriages that break up after deployments were just not strong enough in the first place. There are a lot of factors that go into while a couple doesn’t make it. Hardships that couples go through can be a big factor. Deployments can be one of those hardships.

Going Through a Deployment is a Hardship

Knowing that the deployment is going to be a hardship on your marriage is important. That way you won’t be surprised when things get hard. You might not be able to talk to your spouse as often as you would like. You might feel like you never have time to be a couple while he is overseas. It might feel like this is how things will always be. This can be exhausting and it might feel too overwhelming to work on your marriage when they are gone. It is very important that you do celebrate your marriage during a deployment even when it is hard to do so.

Deployments Will Change You

Remember that a deployment will change you as well as your spouse. You will grow as a person. You will learn new skills. When they get home, it will take time to get to know each other again. You have been living apart, you have not had each other like you did before. It’s important that you work together to get through these changes and recognize them. I always get a little more independent when my husband is away. When he gets home it can be challenging to have someone else making decisions in the household too. I had been so used to making them all myself.

You Will Feel “Unmarried”

I always felt “unmarried” when my husband was gone for long periods of time. I didn’t feel married even though I knew I had a husband. I didn’t have someone to come home to each night and I slept alone. I was the only one taking care of the children. At the same time I never felt single. I didn’t feel like I was all alone and I knew that I had a spouse out there that loved me. Feeling “unmarried” is weird and it can be a frustrating way to feel. You might get jealous when you see other couples. You might get angry that your spouse has to be away from you and others don’t have to go through that.

You Will Worry About After They Come Home

As the deployment moves along you will start to get more and more excited about the homecoming. At the same time you might start to worry about what life will be like after they come home. You might have worries about PTSD, you know some service members struggle with it. You might worry about how things are going to be after so much time apart. You may have been pregnant when they left and now you have a baby and worry that it will be hard for your husband to adjust to parenthood since you did it months before.

Marriage during a deployment looks weird. You might feel like your husband lives in your phone or that you are alone in the world, at least temporarily. Remember everything the two of you have been through. Remember when you fell in love and all the memories you have had. Try to be patient with them as well as the way the military is. Try to remember that they might not be the same person they were when they come home and that after the homecoming, life can still be stressful as you get used to each other again.

Leave me a comment and let me know if you have been through a deployment before or if you are going through one right now.

 

Memes That Explain Exactly What Life As A Military Spouse Is Really Like

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Memes That Explain Exactly What Life As A Military Spouse Is Really Like

Memes That Explain Exactly What Life As A Military Spouse Is Really Like

Military life is an adventure of its own. You really have to have lived this life to understand. Some of the things us military spouses go through are rather unique. It’s nice to know we are not alone in our struggles and in our excitements along the way. From PCSing to deployments to figuring out how the military works.

Military spouses come from different places in the US and the world. They come from different backgrounds. They have different belief systems and have different ways of looking at this life. The main thing they have in common is a love for their service member and a desire to do what they can to support them in this life.

Here are some of the military spouse memes that sum up the reality of military life and the situations that all of us can relate to.

 

 

It’s so hard when people want us to put our phones away. We can’t. Our spouse lives in our phone. 

 

So much the truth. There is a plan, a new plan, back to the old plan. Keeping up can be difficult. You just have to go with the flow and accept this is the reality.

You have to have tools to get you through the hardest parts of military life. What would you add to this list?

 

 

Seriously! It took us so long to join my husband in Germany because of this. It’s hard to wait on paperwork and even more so when you know the delay is probably just because someone is taking their time to fill out their part of it. 

 

 

I have these super cute coffee curtains that don’t fit in my current house. They did a few houses ago and I hope I can use them again in the future. 

 

I think we can all understand this one…

 

 

Have lived both civilian lives and a military one, this is true. It;s just so different once they join the military. 

 

Military themed memes

Dance…

 

 

Military Spouse Meme

I will never forget our homecomings. They were such special days for us. 

 

Military Spouse Meme

My deployment to-do list is always so long and I never get through most of it. I am glad to have a list to focus on. That helps when the deployment slows down and I just want to speed it up. 

 

Military Spouse Meme

Solo parenting can be difficult. Have a cereal night when you need to. 

 

Military Spouse Meme

There are so many times when military life doesn’t make sense. That is just how it works. 

 

Military Spouse Meme

Exactly! We are not special. We have just grown stronger because we have had to. 

 

Military Spouse Meme

I have done this so many times. I know I should park in the same place every time but I don’t. 

 

 

Military Spouse Memes

Yes! 

 

mim

 

This is the most important thing to remember while you are a military spouse. Sometimes the military does have to come first. That can be hard to accept but it is better if you do. Remember, your service member loves you and misses you as much as you miss him.

Like my memes? You can find more on my Facebook page!

 

 

 

 

 

Living in Jacksonville, Florida and Naval Station Mayport

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Happy to have this guest post by Erin on Living in Jacksonville, Florida and Naval Station Mayport. Please visit my Duty station guest post page for posts on other locations or more information about how you can write a guest post about where you have been stationed.

Living in Jacksonville, Florida and Naval Station Mayport

Living in Jacksonville, Florida and Naval Station Mayport

Welcome to Jacksonville, the largest city in Florida and home to multiple military bases and facilities. With bases like Mayport Naval Station, Naval Air Station Jacksonville, and Naval Submarine Base Kings Bay right over the Florida Georgia border, Jacksonville is the third largest military presence in the country.

The first thing most people notice when moving to Jacksonville is how big the city is. As both the largest city in population and area, Jacksonville is the 12th most populous city in the United States. From the Beaches to Riverside to Orange Park to Southside, each side of town caters to a different lifestyle depending on your preferences. The cost of living in some parts of town are higher than others and if you’re planning to live off base, it’s best to research each part of town to decide which one best fits your style of living. Some military families choose to live close to base while others sacrifice a longer commute to live in a part of town that appeals to their lifestyle.

Jacksonville, FL

If you’re interested in being surrounded by nature or into outdoor sports, you’ll find plenty of options in Jacksonville. Fishing is a popular pastime in Jacksonville, seeing as though the city is surrounded by so much water. Local parks offer hiking and biking trails, camping, and geocaching. The beaches are popular for both lounging and watersports like surfing, paddleboarding, and kayaking. And both Mayport and NAS Jax offer swimming pools and waterparks for military families.

Naval Station Mayport

Both Mayport and NAS Jax offer Navy exchanges and commissaries with Jax’s NEX being larger of the two, though Jacksonville is in no short supply of grocery stores and shopping malls throughout the city. The largest grocery chains in town are Publix and Winn Dixie. There are four main shopping malls, with the St. Johns Town Center or the Orange Park Mall being the most popular choices.

Naval Station Mayport

In my opinion, the best feature of Jacksonville is the dining options. Jacksonville is home to some really great independently owned restaurants as well as your typical dining chains. I would urge you to branch out and try some of the local places. You’ll be pleasantly surprised at how good the food and drink options are. I could create a whole post about my favorite restaurants but here are a few of my recommendations – Poe’s Tavern in Atlantic Beach for burgers and the best tuna tacos; V Pizza in San Marco or Jax Beach for pizza and chicken wings (yes, wings!); and Maple Street Biscuit Company with numerous locations around town for a melt-in-your-mouth chicken biscuit.

Naval Station Mayport

Jacksonville is also adjacent to historic cities like Amelia Island, Fernandina, and St. Augustine which make great day-trip destinations. Amelia Island and Fernandina offer beautiful beaches and State Parks with various amenities like hiking, fishing, and wildlife observation. As the oldest city in America, St. Augustine is full of historical monuments and attractions, museums, shopping, and dining options.

As a Jacksonville native, I’ve come to really love and appreciate my hometown for it’s diverse population, rich history, and unique amenities. And I strongly feel that Jacksonville has something to offer everyone.

Naval Station Mayport Erin is the author of erinwiggle.com, a comprehensive guide to the First Coast and neighboring cities. She’s a Sailor’s wife, outdoor enthusiast, furbaby mama, and foodie. Follow her on Instagram at @erinwiggle or send her an email at lifeaswiggle@gmail.com.

Should Military Families Move Home After Etsing?

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Should Military Families Move Home After Etsing?

Should Military Families Move Home After Etsing?

June 2014. After 9 years as an Active duty military family, my husband hit his ETS date. ETS stands for expiration – term of service. This is when the contract between the service member and the military has ended.

The service member can re-enlist which usually happens at least a few months before that date. Then their ETS date will change. For a lot of people, ETSing means moving back home or moving to a new job. For us, though, ETSing meant staying right where we were. In our house here near Ft. Campbell.

We made this decision for a few reasons. Home is California and the cost of living there is insane. We would probably have to pay at least triple if not more than what we pay on our mortgage now to get a small home. We just could not make that work.

Another reason we decided to stay in the area was to make fewer changes than we needed to. Leaving active duty is a big change. Finding a job in the civilian world can be a challenge. Staying where we were after ETSing made life a little easier than it would have been.

Our children’s school was another factor. We like the school and the kids are used to going there. One of my boys has Autism and they know him there. Eventually, we will move and will be dealing with a new school, most military families do that anyway but for the time being it was nice to keep them where they were more comfortable.

Deciding what to do after an ETS can be difficult. You might have a lot of options, you might not know what to do right away. How can you decide on if you should stay where you are or explore another part of the country?

  • Can you go home? This is a big part of where to go after you ETS. Is going home a choice? Do you have a home? Do you have a lot of family drama that you would prefer to stay out of? Like us, is it a lot more expensive where you are from? Ask yourself these questions and think about what you want for your family. Some military families can’t wait to get back to where everything started. Others have seen parts of the US or World and want to go back. And then sometimes you just want to start somewhere fresh.
  • What about the job? Where you move to or if you move might have to do with finding a job. If you decide to stay where you are, it could be easier to find a job. On the other hand, you might be able to find a job at home since you know people in the area. You might have to go where the job is even if it isn’t your ideal location.
  • Can you make a long term plan? We know we want to move out of the Ft. Campbell area eventually. We have a few ideas that we are working on right now. Things are still up in the air. Even though we wanted to stay after ETSing, we knew that eventually, we would leave. Sometimes military families stay so that a child could finish high school or until their spouse can get through school. There are many reasons to do so.
  • How is your housing situation? Had we been living in a military housing when my husband was ETSing we would have had to move somewhere. You can’t stay on post after you ETS. If this is you, you are more likely to go home or move to another place unless you really like the area you are living in.
  • Do you like where you are currently living? If you hate where you live, you will probably want to get out of there as soon as the military lets you. Sometimes I wonder why we are still here when we no longer have to be. You can’t leave in the middle of a tour but after an ETS, the choice is yours. It is never that simple and there are a lot of factors that go into whether you can leave or where you can go.

Moving after ETSing can mean a fresh start. A new job. A new state. A new future. Staying where you are can mean less stress and more stability for your family. Think about what your options are and what will be best for your family.

What about you? Have you gone through an ETS? What did you decide to do?

Mistakes You Might Make As A New Military Spouse

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Mistakes You Might Make As A New Military Spouse

I was 26 years old when I became a military spouse. Other spouses were a lot younger and some were even older when they joined this life. No matter how old you were when you became a military family, there is going to be a learning curve. You won’t be able to understand how everything works right away. You might make some mistakes. It’s bound to happen.

Over my time as a military spouse, I have made some mistakes too. Figuring out how the military works takes time.

Mistakes You Might Make As A New Military Spouse

 

Here are a few examples of mistakes you might make as a new military spouse…

Going Over His Chain Of Command- Going over your husband’s chain of command is a big no-no. You don’t want to do that. Doing so will upset people and could come down to your own husband getting in trouble. There will be plenty of times when a command comes down and you will want your husband to do something about it. Usually, they can’t. Remember that there is a chain of command for a reason. Be respectful of it.

The Military Has To Come First- The military has to come first most of the time. Your spouse will have to go where the military sends them. It doesn’t really matter that you are going to have a baby in the middle of a deployment. You can ask for him to be sent home but know that no one has to make that happen for you. This is one of the hardest things to learn about military life. A good Command will try to help families when they can but because of the mission that isn’t always possible.

Not Trying to Make Friends- You are in a new place trying to get used to your new life. It can be way too easy to stay at home and not try to get out there and make friends. See what you can do to get out of your house and go to places where you can make friends. Doing this might be scary, especially if you are shy. But I have learned that putting yourself out there will eventually make you friends. Even if it takes a long time. Find things you would enjoy doing anyway and keep trying. Military spouse life is better with friends.

The Toll- Sometimes it is hard to understand the toll that military life can take on you. As a wife. As a mother. As a woman. As a human. There will be a lot of situations that you will have to go through that will seem impossible when you first hear about them. You need to try to take care of yourself. You need to find ways to smile even if your spouse is gone. To enjoy life even when life is stressful. Remember that military life can take a toll but the experiences you will go through will also help make you stronger.

Letting The Fear Overtake you- There is a lot to be fearful of during military life. Even more so when they are deployed in a war zone. Don’t let that fear overtake you. The reality is, something could happen to your spouse. However, if you live in fear about that happening every day, you will go crazy. You need to figure out a way to keep your fear in check. That could be different for each person. Some people will find comfort from their religion. Others will have a good friend they can go to and talk about what they are scared of. Figure out how you can handle the fear and don’t let it overtake you.

No one is a perfect military spouse. You will make mistakes along the way. But you can learn from them. Your military life is a journey. One in which you will always be growing and learning along the way. Do the best that you can, learn what you can and you will find that you will slowly start to figure everything out.

Leave me a comment and let me know what mistakes you have made when you first became a military spouse?

The Hallmark Channel’s “For Love & Honor” Movie Premiere Saturday, July 30th at 9/8c With Visa Card Giveaway

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This is a sponsored post! 

For Love & Honor

 

For Love & Honor

For Love & Honor

The Hallmark Channel’s new movie, For Love & Honor, premieres on Saturday, July 30th, 2016 9/8c.

When a by-the-book army veteran takes over as commandant at an ailing military academy, he instantly squares off with the school’s free-thinking new Dean of Academics. But when they are forced to work together to help save the school–or risk closure–sparks fly, romance blooms and lives change as they attempt to save the town’s longtime centerpiece. Stars James Denton, Natalie Brown,Sheppard Denton, and Rebecca Liddiard.

This looks like a great movie with a creative story! Make sure to tune in on Saturday night to watch. Please visit http://www.hallmarkchannel.com/for-love-and-honor for more information on this movie.

She Wasn’t What I Thought

After I graduated from college I struggled to find my first job. I had majored in Sociology and a lot of the jobs I wanted in that field didn’t pay enough, wanted you to speak Spanish or have a Master’s. I ended up at a temp agency and through them, I ended up as a Receptionist at a local business. When I first started, my boss, who was the Office Manager was pretty amazing. I found out she was just temporary and filling in for someone who was on maternity leave. After a few weeks, the regular Office Manager came back and everything changed.

The tone of the office changed, the way people acted changed and how I felt about my boss wasn’t too great. I wanted to like her but she was a bit harsh and I really didn’t know how to take her. I always struggle when I can’t seem to figure people out and that was how I felt about her. Time went by and over the weeks and then months that I worked with her, I started to see another side.

She was a first-time mom trying to balance work and family life. She wanted to do good in her job but she was frustrated by the information she was getting from her own boss. Over time I realized that she really was just doing the best she could. I started to feel better about working with her and we even shared some fun times. I worked at that company for about 15 months and when I left, I realized I would miss her. I would miss her rushing around the office, telling me what needed to get done and just being with her every day.

As I look back on that time in my life I wonder how she is doing now. I wonder how long she worked for that company and if she moved up or decided to work somewhere else. I will always admire her for the work she did and how hard she tried.

Have you ever had an experience where you had to work with someone that you were not fond of and then grew to like them in the end?

I am also going to be having a giveaway!

One of my readers will win:

(1)$25 Visa Gift Card

(1) Hallmark Channel Summer at the Shores Beach Tote

(1) Hallmark Channel Chesapeake Shores Towel

Just enter the giveaway below 🙂

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Please join in on the conversation on Twitter by using the hashtags, #ForLoveandHonor and #SummerNights!

My Military Spouse Gift Guide With UncommonGoods

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This is a sponsored post!

My Military Spouse Gift Guide With UncommonGoods

My Military Spouse Gift Guide With UncommonGoods

During my years as a military spouse, I have learned that sometimes a nice gift, either from a friend or family member or something I bought for myself can make my day. Whether the gift is something to help me feel better or something for my home, adding something new that really speaks to me is nice.

As military spouses, we can go through a lot of stressful situations. Our husbands can be deployed, we can be stressed about a pcs or we can be having difficulties with our children. A great gift can help with that, Whether we are buying the gift for a friend going through a difficult time or for ourselves.

Here are some great gift ideas for military spouses from UncommonGoods. You can see a lot of their home and garden products here. This company was founded in 1999 and has its headquarters in Brooklyn, New York. UncommonGoods features unique jewelry, designer décor, tabletop items, and handcrafted gifts created in harmony with the environment without harm to animals or people.

I also love that the UncommonGoods CEO Dave Bolotsky is passionate about the role of business in implementing a fair minimum wage. They run all of their operations out of the historic Brooklyn Army Terminal and the lowest-paid seasonal worker starts at 50% above the minimum wage.

Check these fun gifts out that would be perfect for military spouses.

Literary CandlesLiterary Candles-“Named for the locations in literary classics, these soy candles evoke the book’s most memorable moments.” $16 each.

Candles are the best! These candles are awesome and perfect for any book-loving military spouse. Here are the different scents: Sherlock Homes/221B Baker Street: Black currant tea and leather books, Alice in Wonderland/A Mad Tea Party: Bergamot, lavender, mandarin, thyme, and ylang ylang, with a touch of jasmine, Jane Eyre/Thornfield Garden: Roses and rain water, Pride & Prejudice/Pemberley: Lily, lilac, rose, hyacinth, and ivy.  They also have a collection of creative bookends that you can see here.

Hand Embroidered State PillowsHand Embroidered State Pillows-“Celebrate your favorite state with a pillow embroidered with its famous sites, cities, and cultural icons.” $168

These pillows are amazing and perfect for a military spouse. Most spouses have moved away from their home state and it would be nice to have a pillow to remind them of home. You could also get them for any country you have been stationed in.

Gift guide for military spouses

Scratch Off Map-“This scratch-off-where-you’ve-been map displays your past adventures in a dynamic and eye-catching way.” $26

This map looks like a lot of fun. You can scratch off the places you have been. This is great for a military spouse who has been able to visit amazing places because of her spouse’s career. You can also get one of just the United States.

gift guide for military spousesIllustrated Hobby Journals- “These illustrated journals offer prompts that encourage reflection on your favorite hobby.” $14.95 each

Journals are an ideal gift for the military spouse. Writing in a journal can help with your stress levels. These journals are based on popular hobbies. You can get a gardening, cooking or nature related one. These journals go well with popular hobbies and can be a great way to stay busy during a deployment.

gift guide for military spousesPacific Ocean Gift Set- “This set of luxurious bath goods is handmade using elements harvested from the Pacific Ocean.” $53

Fun gifts for the bath are always a good idea. I love to take baths when my husband is away or when I have a rough day. Something about the water is soothing. This set comes with everything a military spouse would need to have on hand for a nice and relaxing bath.

Take some time to visit Uncommon Goods to find the perfect gift for your friend or family member. Or maybe you want to pick out something just for you. You can also look for host and hostess gifts here if that is something you are looking for as well. Enjoy!

5 Things to do in the Summer When You Are Stationed at Ft. Campbell

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5 Things to do in the Summer When You Are Stationed at Ft. Campbell

We are just three weeks away from another summer being just a memory. School will start for my boys and although the weather will still be hot and the bugs will be loud, the pool will be closed and we will be looking ahead to the fall.

This summer has been low-key but also a lot of fun. We did not go on any vacations although my oldest went to summer camp. We had a lot of family time in June since my husband was home with a broken arm. I wanted to share 5 Things to do in the Summer When You Are Stationed at Ft. Campbell.

If you don’t know, Ft. Campbell is on the Tennessee and Kentucky border. Literally. Some of the base is in one state, some in the other. While officially the installation is considered Ft. Campbell, KY, if you have a baby here, they will have Ft. Campbell, TN on their birth certificate. Even though that doesn’t really exist. You can choose to live on post, on the Tennessee side in Clarksville or the Kentucky side in Oak Grove. There are also people that live a little further away in other towns too.

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Stationed at ft. campbell1. Liberty Park

Our family loves Liberty Park. Located at 1188 Cumberland Dr, Liberty park has a ton of things to do. You can walk along the river, let the kids play at their amazing playground, let your dog play at the dog park, grill, fly a kite or just relax on the grass. You can also fish in the pond or if you have a boat you can use the marina.  A lot of people take advantage of this park and there is no question why. It’s a beautiful place to go. They also have a restaurant, the Liberty Grill which is pretty good and if the weather is nice you can sit outside by the water.

 

Clarksville, TN pools2. The Pool

We love the pool and go there often. There are quite a few options for going to the pool here if you don’t have one of your own. The two main places are on post or the city pools in Clarksville. The on post pools are very nice and one of them even has a splash park attached to it. The off post pools are bigger and we have gone there the last few years since you can get a summer pass. The pass for a family of 5 is about $110 using the military discount. You can also get swim lessons for $15 a session if you have the discount. Last time I checked they were $60 on post, so quite a big difference. We have done lessons at both places and I think both are great but one is a lot cheaper than the other.

 

stationed at Fort Campbell3. Splash Parks

When we first moved here they only had one splash park on post. It is right next to a Starbucks and a regular park and we love going there. There is also a smaller one across the post and they now have 4 in Clarksville. They opened a new one this year. Splashpads are a really popular place to meet up with friends and when your kids are small, going to a splash pad is a lot easier then a pool when you are by yourself.

 

Tiebreaker4. Tiebreaker

I grew up going to Wild Rivers in California so the first time we went to Tiebreakers I was very underwhelmed. However, the kids love the place and it can be a fun to spend the day there during the hot and humid summer. Located in Kentucky, this is about 15 minutes from post. They also have a military appreciation day and buy one get one free on Mondays. They have a couple of slides, a lazy river and a fun water playground to play in.

 

Movies at the prark 5. Movies in the Park

Movies in the Park is a lot of fun. They show movies in a couple of the parks after dark on Saturdays. You can bring your own food or buy snacks. Last year we saw Back to the Future one and two and this year we watched Independence Day. They have a mix of family-friendly and other popular movies starting in May and going through October.

There are of course a lot of other things you can do in the summer at Ft. Campbell. There are events going on both on and off post, many parks to choose from, you can easily get to Nashville and Land Between the Lakes is only an hour away. Check out Groupon for any deals in the Clarksville or Nashville area.

Not stationed at Fort Campbell? Here are some posts by some of my blogger friends about other duty stations 🙂

Fort Stewart Fort Leonardwood Air Force Locations  Fort Bragg

And don’t forget to check out my Duty Station Guest Post list for information on a lot of different duty stations 🙂