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Military Life

Balancing Life, Love, and the Demands of a Drill Sergeant’s Schedule

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I became an Army spouse back in 2012 in the Colorado Springs/Fort Carson area. This is where the journey began for my husband, myself, our daughter, and later, our son. Everyone says I can never be with someone in the Military. They always ask, “How do you do it?” My response is, “ I just do, because I love him.” Sounds so cliche, cheesy, corny even, but I have been managing this lifestyle for 13 years now, and each challenge has brought me and my spouse that much closer. 

When we received an abrupt notice that we were getting orders to Ft. Sill Oklahoma, my heart sunk. I was so nervous because I hadn’t heard much good things about the Drill Sgt. lifestyle. They train day and night with hardly any rest in between. There are strict rules about the trainees being left alone so there must be a Drill Sgt with them at all times until lights out. 

This has been very exhausting for my husband. He likes to stay physically fit and loves our family time. We have had to get creative on how to squeeze in any time together, whether it’s a quick coffee date or simply vegging around binge-watching a show on his days off.

The other challenge has been keeping in sync with each other’s schedules; we don’t always align. For instance, he works the weekends as well, so while he gets up at 4:30 a.m., the kids and I are trying to sleep in. He also can’t text or call me much because he is surrounded by trainees all day long, or he can even be in the field for hours. Communicating can be hard, too. 

This can make any social functions or planning very difficult because, just like any job in the military, they can’t request time off so easily. We have been adjusting and trying to make the most of the time we do have together.

How do I balance it all?

I am currently treating this time as if he were deployed even though he is at work, on base,15 miles down the road. I just do the things that bring me the most joy and whatever occupies my time. I got a new job, I’m exercising, I go on adventures with my kids, and I try to visit with my friends and family.

It all comes down to what you value the most and what is important to you. I do try my best to be home whenever I know he will be back so that I can at least get some time to catch up. I wash his uniforms, make him meals, pay bills, and do anything to make things easier for him. It is a very selfless time for me. I’ve even had Uber Eats send him his favorite food to his work site. 

I am looking forward to when this time-consuming schedule fades. I know it will all be worth the sacrifice. Counting down to retirement, but that is a whole other article. Stay positive, and best of luck in your adventures.

Thank you to Stacey for her guest post about being the spouse of a drill sergeant. If you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life, please fill out my Guest Post Sign Up form.

Balancing Life, Love, and the Demands of a Drill Sergeant’s Schedule

Fort Moore and the Story of a Military Spouse

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A few years before my husband joined the military, we went to the movies to watch the 2002 film We Were Soldiers. What I really enjoyed about this movie was that we not only got the story of Lt. Gen Harold G. Moore, played by Mel Gibson, but we also got the story of his wife, Julie Moore, played by Madeleine Stowe. As we watched scenes of the men going off to Vietnam, we also watched scenes of the wives at home at Fort Benning. Even back then, before I knew I would be a military spouse, I could see what these spouses went through and how they needed one another.

As the years went on and I, too, became a military spouse, I could relate even more to these women. Although my husband served in a different war during a different time, my time in Germany was similar to that of the women portrayed in this movie.

My favorite scene of We Were Soldiers is a deleted scene. As we start to watch, we see helicopters flying, and then the camera goes to the chapel back at home. One of the wives starts to sing the hymn “On the Solid Rock I Stand” but is unable to finish because she is trying to hold back her tears. Julie Moore and the other members of the congregation help her by starting to sing the song, too. The movie then goes back to the helicopters.

What I love about this scene is that it gives us an example of the military community and how we can step in to help each other. Especially in a time of war, we need each other more than ever. You can also catch the real Julie Moore and her daughter sitting behind Keri Russell.

On May 11, 2023, Fort Benning became Fort Moore to honor Hal and Julie Moore. Maj. Gen. Curtis A. Buzzard, Maneuver Center of Excellence and Fort Moore commanding general stated, “Together, Hal and Julie Moore embody the very best of our military and the very best of our nation. They were dedicated to their country, committed to their family, and inspired generations of Soldiers to follow in their footsteps.”

Hal Moore served in the military for 32 years after graduating from the US Military Academy in 1945. He wrote the book, We Were Soldiers Once…and Young which the movie was based on. We Were Soldiers depicts the first major battle of the Vietnam War in the la Drang Valley. He was awarded the Distinguished Service Cross after that fight.

His wife, Julie Moore, who he married in 1949, was an Army brat born at Fort Sill. In the movie, another powerful scene is when a taxi comes to Julie Moore’s door with a telegram, and she knows exactly what it means. She answers the door to see that the taxi driver just needed help finding the correct address and wasn’t there about her own husband. She gets very upset, rightly so, and then asks to take the telegram to the new widow herself. She also tells him to tell the taxi company to bring all of the rest of the telegrams directly to her.

Julie supported her fellow Army wives and families by changing how the Army delivered the casualty messages. As you can see in the scene, the Army was not prepared for all of this. Because of Julie, the Army changed its policy to what we see today: uniformed soldiers delivering the notices.

Julie wrote a letter to the director of We Were Soldiers in 1996 about her experiences as a military spouse. In the letter, she says, “It is really hard to describe the special closeness that Army wives have to each other. Even though I was lucky enough to end up a General’s wife, I never forgot that I started out as a lieutenant’s wife and the burdens they carried of raising young children with never enough money or husband.” You can read the rest of the letter here.

The change to Fort Moore recognizes both Hal and Julie Moore, who are both buried at Fort Benning Cemetery.

The Best Lessons a Military Spouse Can Learn

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The Best Lessons a Military Spouse Can Learn

As we are getting close to the end of this decade, I decided to go into my Shutterfly account and try to organize my photos a bit more. As I was looking through older photos I came across one from Thanksgiving 2012.

I think my husband was home, but we got together with a bunch of friends and their kids and looking at that photo brought back so many memories. Of time with this circle of friends. A group that slowly fell apart because of one move or one PCS after another.

I am actually still here, and everyone else has moved on but it really made me think about what we go through as military spouses. I thought about all the lessons we can learn during our time as a military spouse. It really made me reflected on how I have grown as a person over the years since my husband re-joined the military so many years ago. I’m sure many of you can relate 🙂

Friendships Won’t Stay the Same

I love having a friend circle. A group of other women I can talk with, vent with, and depend on. A group of other people who get me.

I am so thankful I have found this during my years as a military spouse, however, my friend circles are always temporary. Always. Sure, I am still friends with those people, we keep in touch for the most part, and follow each others lives.

But it will never be the same as it was when we all lived in the same town, or when our husbands were all deployed, or when we all had two-year-old boys to entertain, just trying to figure out how to get through the day.

Time moves own, PCSing happens, and we figure out how to say goodbye and go forward.

And that is just apart of this military life. A part that is hard to take sometimes. A part that will stop you in your tracks as you remember a fun memory or a time when you were all together.

I also know that those memories will always be with me. I will never forget the Space-A trip we took together when our husbands were deployed, the late-night shopping on Black Friday, or just the simple day-to-day moments of getting together to let the kids play.

I still value these friendships even though the miles separate us. I still think about these women, even if we never talk anymore. And I always have hope of finding new friends along the way. Not to replace the old, but to add to my life experiences.

Homesickness Can Hit Hard

I haven’t lived at my parent’s house full time since I left for college over twenty years ago. I still get homesick. I still have moments where I think for a few minutes about how I could move back.

Wherever you call home will probably always call to you in some way. Maybe it is your family, and all the fun you have together. Maybe it is the warmth you feel every time you visit your hometown. Maybe it is just longing for a place that is so imprinted on your heart, you know you will never truly let it go.

I always wanted to move away from home. I always wanted to see other places and experience different ways of living. But there is still apart of me that can get pretty homesick sometimes. It doesn’t last too long but the feeling is there.

You might be ready to take on the world. You might be living in Europe or Japan and know how exciting it is that you get to do so. And you might be hit with homesickness all the same. Hitting you in the face when you least expect it too.

I think this is just another part of military life we military spouses can experience. We are the family that doesn’t live there anymore. We can feel like the outsider. And those emotions aren’t always easy to deal with at times.

Making our new duty station or city feel like home is key. Even if we know we will only be there for a few years, we can figure out ways to connect to our community, and enjoy what is before us.

Deployments Can Be Good For Us

I never wanted my husband to deploy. The deployments were never at the right time…and always seem to throw a wrench into the plan for my life. However, in someways deployments were good for me.

I learned how to be more independent whether that meant taking care of two toddlers by myself or learning to mow the lawn and other chores I otherwise never would have done.

I figured out that I am stronger than I think I am. I figured out that I could do things that I never dreamed were possible. And that if I have to do them in the future, I can handle what comes our way.

I learned how I can truly be a good friend to a struggling military spouse and how to let people help when I was the one in need.

Deployments can be too long and make you just want to cry but they can also help you grow as a person. I will always be thankful for that.

Plans Change And That’s Okay

How many times have plans changed for you as a military spouse? Maybe you went through an unexpected deployment or a PCS to a place you never thought you would end up. Whatever it is, you start to get used to things always changing in the military.

I really learned this during our 15-month deployment that was at one point only supposed to be 9 months, then later 12. I learned this when I was told it would take just about a month to join my husband in Germany and we had to wait 4.5. I learned this when he deployed for the 3rd time and we weren’t sure if he would be gone for 5 months or over a year.

Things change all the time and nothing can feel predictable. But…sometimes these changes end up bringing us to a better place. Sometimes these changes lead us to places and people we never would have imagined. Sometimes these changes were exactly what we needed in our life.

This isn’t to say that every time the military changes its mind we should be happy about it. It’s okay to be frustrated but it can also give us an opportunity for growth and change that we never would have had otherwise. A chance to embrace something a little scary and see where that might lead.

What lessons have you learned as a military spouse this last year?

Don’t forget to check out The Newbie’s Guide to Military Life: Surviving a PCS and More by Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life and Mrs Navy Mama. Your guide for learning about military life.

9 Things You Wish Were True About Military Life

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9 Things You Wish Were True About Military Life

Military life can be a crazy ride. From deployments to PCSing every few years, this life isn’t without its struggles. Some days we wish we had a magic wand to make everything a little easier.

So let’s have some fun…here are 9 things you wish were true about military life:

  • That every deployment came with a nanny

Let’s face it, us military spouses can get burned out really quickly when it comes to solo parenting. What if every military family received a nanny with deployment orders? That would make life so much easier!

  • That you could use a “Get out of deployment free” card

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could get out of a deployment because it wasn’t the right time, or your kids were too young, or because you just didn’t think you could handle another deployment with everything going on? The reality is, there is never a good time for a deployment but we plow through anyway.

  • That you could PCS somewhere simply because your BFF did

Wouldn’t that be amazing? Your BFF went to Fort Carson, which means you get to go there, too. How fun would that be?

  • That ALL military housing was nice, safe, and you wanted to live in it

Unfortunately, not all military housing is created equal. And sometimes housing can make people sick. Wouldn’t it be nice if all military housing were up to code, was nice and safe, and allowed everyone who lived there to have a good home they enjoyed living in?

  • That your spouse could get leave when they needed to, and planning family vacations would be easier

Have you ever had to change the dates of a trip because of the Army? We sure have. If only leave dates could be taken at the perfect time, and could never be changed.

  • That every FRG meeting would be filled with information you need to know with zero drama

Some FRGs are amazing but a lot of them get a bad rap, and maybe for good reason. Wouldn’t it be nice if the FRG was always a fun place to go, with lots of great information, and without any drama? Maybe us military spouses do have the power to change the FRG into a good and helpful place for military spouses to go 🙂

  • That you could always shop at the Commissary on payday without the crowds

What if you never had to wait more than a few minutes, even if you do go to the Commissary on payday? That would be nice!

  • That it would be easy to make friends no matter where you go

Making friends during military life can be a little bit frustrating sometimes. Yes, you have to get out there but sometimes that isn’t enough. What if making friends was easy, no matter who you are, and where your PCS to?

  • That all the challenges when it comes to military spouse employment would go away

There are so many spouses who have to put their careers on hold or pursue something different because they are married to someone in the military. What if these challenges could go away? What if things were a little bit easier regarding a military spouse and their own career?

This list can be a lot of fun and hopefully make you laugh a little, but the reality is that there are things you can do to change and make military life a little better for your family and others.

Be kind. Make friends. Work for changes. And don’t be afraid to figure out a way to make things a little better for everyone.

What about you? What would you want to change if you had the power to do so?

The Waiting Military Spouse

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The Waiting Military Spouse

The Waiting Military Spouse

Military spouses have to wait. This is so much a part of the military lifestyle. So much a part of our lives as military spouses.

We wait for the enlistment to go through, not really knowing how much our life could change. Not really knowing what this will mean for us, for our marriage, for our family.

We wait for the first duty station. Will we stay close to home? Will we go overseas? Will we get homesick?

We wait for the movers to come. Is everything ready? Will anything break? Are we really doing this?

We are the waiting military spouses, always waiting on something. Always trying to make the best of it. Always looking for the silver lining.

We wait to feel like this new place as home, and wonder if it might never be. We wait to find new friends, missing those back at home or a previous duty station. We wait to figure out how to find our way in this new community.

We wait on deployment orders, knowing they will come soon. We wonder how we will make it through those months apart, and how we should handle the months before they have to go. We wonder what the deployment will really be like and if we have the strength to get through.

We wait as our spouse leaves for overseas, praying they make it home again. Praying that everyone stays safe. Praying that we can get through this time apart, even if one day at a time.

We wait as the homecoming date seems to change. We wait as we have to help our children through the deployment. We wait as the days seem long, and the weeks feel even longer.

We wait during those last few weeks of deployment. We wait to get the call they are actually coming home. And we wait with a toddler on our hip as we watch the plane land or the ship come in.

We wait as things will take time to get back to normal, and we wonder if they might never actually do so. We wait as we have to work to bring our spouse back into the family dynamic, and wonder if it is as hard for us as it is for other military families.

We wait on PCS orders, taking us to a new location. We are never really sure what that new home will be like. We hope for the best, and try to take it all in stride.

We wait to work on our own careers, knowing we can’t do exactly what we want from an overseas location. We wait to start our own path because sometimes solo parenting is a little too difficult. We sometimes have to wait on our own dreams or be creative in how to pursue them through the ups and downs of military life.

As military spouses, waiting is all a part of the game. We know this, and yet sometimes, that waiting seems too hard. We have to find ways to be patient, even if that patience doesn’t come naturally. Even if that patience is difficult to find.

We wait. For our spouse. For their career. For everything military life brings us. We wait. That’s what we do. We are the waiting military spouses.

18 Ways Things Could Change to Make the Military More Family Friendly

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18 Ways Things Could Change to Make the Military More Family Friendly

We all know that in general, the military is not exactly family friendly, although sometimes they try. With FRGs, MWR events, and childcare available on installations, they are not exactly ignoring our existence.

On the other hand, with long hours, unsafe housing, and lack of help for military spouses seeking employment, there are plenty of things that could change to make the military more family friendly. Some of these changes are probably not too realistic. There could be reasons why the military does things the way it does that we simply can’t understand. However, dreaming about these positive changes is a smart thing to do.

Here are 18 ways things could change to make the military more family friendly:

1. Housing lists

One of the most frustrating things is to get orders to a new duty station, have to get on a long housing waitlist and end up not getting a home when you first get there. For some, that means living in a hotel for a month or two, for others that means renting even though they don’t want to. Wouldn’t it be nice if you never had to do that when you were PCSing? That if you wanted to live on post, you always had a place to move into?

2. Faster more streamlined orders

What if you always received your PCS orders six months before you had to be there? What if deployment orders were always given exactly three months before they left? That would make life so much easier.

3. Weight limits based more on family size, not rank

The weight limits when you PCS are a little off for bigger families. While giving people with more rank more weight allowance is good, the more people in your family, the more things you will own. Let’s take a look at how many families are going over their weight limits, how many people are in their families, and what can be changed to make things a little easier when moving with a big family.

4. Prioritize births

While having every service member be able to attend every one of their children’s births isn’t going to be possible, we could make it happen a little more often. Maybe that would be a matter of taking an earlier R&R or keeping a soldier back a few months to help on Rear D. While some units are really good about this, others are not.

5. Sick days

When a service member gets sick, they have to go into sick call to “call in sick.” Maybe service members should have a certain amount of days they can call in sick instead. While making sure a soldier is really sick and not just blowing off work is important, a limited amount of sick days wouldn’t hurt either.

6. Leadership improvements

We all know that there can be some improvements in leadership in the military. This is tricky because you need strong leadership, but you also need people who are not over the top for no reason.

18 Ways Things Could Change to Make the Military More Family Friendly

7. Training periods

When a service member goes off to training, make sure they are training for all of those days. If a soldier goes away for a month and they only need them for a week of that time, making them stay wastes money and family time. The mission comes first, but that doesn’t mean things can change to allow them to be home instead of wasting time somewhere else.

8. Travel expenses

Wouldn’t it be nice if the military would pay for one trip home a year? Ya, this is a big dream but being able to see your family on a regular basis would be a lot easier for families who are already on a tight budget. Even more so for those who are stationed overseas.

9. Customer service on post

How many times have you been on post, trying to get something done, and encounter rude behavior on the person who is supposed to be helping you? This is one of the first things I noticed about military life, and we could do better than that. Improving customer service on post will go a long way in helping morale.

10. EFMP

When you are signed up for EFMP, things can change for your service member’s career. They might not be able to go places they should be going because of the needs of the family. While in theory, this makes so much sense, it can cause families to have to live apart or frustrations over where they can PCS and where they can not. In some cases, families won’t sign up for EFMP, going without so that they can stay together.

11. Respect for female service members

We live in a modern age where women serve in the military too. They do a lot of the same jobs the men do but don’t always get the same respect. But they should.

12. Tuition assistance for all spouses

While MYCAA is great, it would be nice to have better tuition assistance for all spouses, not just those of a certain rank or wanting to pursue certain degrees. A military spouse who wants to get their Masters can benefit from tuition assistance as well.

13. PTSD help

We all know someone that is struggling with PTSD, and sometimes people fall through the cracks. We need more efficient ways to help people going through this. The suicide rate for service members and veterans is way too high.

18 Ways Things Could Change to Make the Military More Family Friendly

14. Set work hours when not in pre-deployment mode

Training before a deployment means crazy hours, but do they have to work so long when they are not about to be deployed somewhere? Wouldn’t it be nice if they were always home by 5? And how about overtime pay if they aren’t? Okay, totally dreaming there 🙂

15. Affordable or free childcare

Having to use half your paycheck for daycare sucks. You also might need some care during a deployment while you are solo parenting. Having more affordable or even free choices for childcare would be amazing.

16. Fix the VA

We all know the VA has issues, a lot of issues. Let’s fix that. So many service members are not getting everything they should be and that hurts military families too.

17. Better Command Sponsorship process

When we applied for Command Sponsorship, it took forever. A lot of it was waiting for paperwork to get signed. While I would hope things would be better these days, I still hear stories of families having to wait back in the states for months and months. That isn’t any fun, especially if you know there is going to be a deployment in the future.

18. More choice for a Pcs

Wouldn’t being able to always pick your next duty station be nice? While that is going to be impossible to make happen, maybe things could be changed to make being able to choose your next duty station happen a little more often.

While making the military more family friendly would be a lot of work, there are ways to change things. Maybe some of the things I have listed wouldn’t work at all, but they are worth discussing. There have been plenty of changes over the years that have helped military families. I am looking forward to seeing more of those in the future.

What would you add to this list???

 

 

9 Things in Life That Can Hurt a Military Marriage

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9 Things That Can Hurt a Military Marriage

This August, my husband and I will be celebrating our 23rd anniversary. In some ways, it seems like we just walked down the aisle. But when I look at my wedding photos, I can see that many years have passed since that day. For one thing, we look so young. I was 23; he was 26.

I have learned a lot about marriage in the last 23 years. I have also learned what it means to be in a military marriage, how to stay strong through deployments, and how to be the best wife I can be despite all the challenges thrown at us.

Check out The Blessing of a Military Marriage

The truth is, there are things that can help a military marriage and things that will hurt a military marriage. Whether you just walked down the aisle or did so a while ago, here are nine things that can hurt a military marriage that you should be aware of.

1. Not communicating

Married couples should be talking to one another, but sometimes that is hard to do. Everyday life can get in the way; deployments can get in the way, and the stress of everything can get in the way. Try to keep the lines of communication open.

If you can’t talk in person, write letters, email or plan to speak on the phone. Check-in with one another and try to make plans to hang out, even if you feel like two ships passing in the night.

2. Cheating

Cheating can tear your marriage apart. Whether it is physical or not, make sure you can protect your marriage. Make smart choices, especially when your spouse is away. Be the type of spouse that they can trust and not have to worry about when you are away from one another.

Set boundaries with other people. This will, of course, depend on your marriage, but make sure you are on the same page. Some couples are okay with more social time with the opposite sex; others are not. Make sure you talk about expectations and what is normal for your marriage.

 Check out 10 Ways To Save Money When You Need To Be On A Tight Budget

3. Money

So many couples fight about money. When two people raised differently come together and create their families, there will be tensions about money. If one of you was raised with a spending mindset and the other with a saving mentality, there will be friction regarding your budgets.

Make sure to spend time talking about your expectations, how much you should be spending, how much you should be saving, and figure out what your long-term goals are. Don’t hide money from each other, and be honest about your spending.

Saving Money in the Military


4. Children

Having children will add stress to your marriage. They will take up much of your time, and their needs will come first. Try to keep the perspective and still make time for your spouse.

Have date nights, even if that means making a nice dinner after the kids go to bed and curling up on your couch to watch a Netflix movie. Talk about your parenting strategies. There are many different ways to be a parent, and arguments can arise when you are not on the same page about raising your children.

Deployments can complicate this as one parent can leave when a child is just a few months old and come home to a toddler. The parent who was at home has a system and a plan, and the deployed parent has to figure out how to be involved again.

 Check out 10 Ways to Help Your Kids During a Deployment

5. Being cruel

Don’t be cruel to your spouse. That is not going to take you down the right path. Be loving and patient with them. Don’t seek ways to hurt them, and apologize when you do.

Do you know how they say never to go to bed angry? That is pretty much true. Try your best to work things out in a kind manner, and don’t be cruel and mean to each other. Not only is this destructive to your marriage, but kids can pick up on it too.

6. Acting immature

Being married means you need to stop acting childish. Even if you married young. You are an adult now, and you need to act like it.

Don’t try to live off of other people, work hard, and make the best of what you have. You will not be able to afford a brand new home right away, that might take years to get to a place where you can afford that. Be patient and know that over time, things will change, and you won’t always have to use a footlocker for your coffee table.

7. Taking bad advice

There is good advice and bad advice. Look to the people you trust and learn from them. Remember that no one is in your marriage, and no one can tell you precisely what to do. You can gain advice from others who have been there before and have wise words to say about whatever problem you are going through.

Be extra careful about family giving you advice. It could be very biased. If they never wanted you to get married in the first place, their advice might not help you in your current struggles. Find good friends that you trust to talk about your problems with.

8. Keeping things from your spouse

Don’t keep secrets from your spouse. Tell them what is going on and what they need to know. Of course, as military spouses, there will be times when we can’t talk to our spouses regularly. Because of this, it can feel like we are keeping secrets.

If something is noteworthy, write it down and tell them later. When it comes to sharing things with them when they are overseas, think about their personality and ask them what they would want you to do. Some people want to hear everything, and others can’t handle it.

grass is always greener


9. Assuming the grass will always be greener

If you have been married for a while, there will be things that start to annoy you about your spouse. Of course, this will happen; you are living together and raising a family together, and you will get on each other’s nerves sometimes. The truth is, everyone will annoy you at some point. Don’t assume the grass is greener somewhere else. Water your grass and keep your vows in mind.

How long have you been married?

9 Things in Life That Can Hurt a Military Marriage

Is It Time To Break Up With Your Military Boyfriend?

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My dating years were a long time ago. Think of the 90s before dating apps and smartphones. I always knew I wanted to be married someday, and I met my husband when I was 22 after a couple of boyfriends who were not the right match for one reason or another.

I had never dated someone in the military but was involved in several long-distance relationships. I hated them. I didn’t want to be a part from my boyfriend. I hated feeling like half of my life was where I lived and the other half was too many miles away. And we didn’t even have the military getting in our way.

Over the years, I have met many military girlfriends. Some become spouses, and some do not. I am not sure what the key ingredient is, but I also think there are some warning signs that girlfriends need to reflect on before they get more serious with their military service members.

Whether they are dating them during a deployment or not, their boyfriend will be under a lot of stress while serving in the military. Being a military girlfriend will be challenging for even the most committed of people.

There could be reasons why you need to walk away or maybe stay, depending on your circumstances. If you have ever asked yourself, “Should I break up with my military boyfriend?” this post should help you flesh out one way or another.

Something seems fishy

If you have never met in person before, you are running the risk of being scammed. Sadly, not everyone who claims to be in the military truly is. There are scams to get unsuspecting women to send money to their military boyfriend. However, he isn’t even in the military, and his reasons for needing the money don’t make any sense.

Some examples are telling their girlfriend that the military is not giving them food or will not let them come home from Iraq or Afghanistan without buying their own plane ticket. If you are dating someone online and things seem a bit fishy, you could get scammed. Ensure that the person you are with is who they say they are.

They cheat on you

There has to be trust in a military relationship. Without trust, everything falls apart. You will have to spend time apart. You might have to go weeks or even longer without regular communication.

You have to trust that he or she will be faithful to you. They have to trust that you are going to be faithful to them. If that trust gets broken, it can be hard to repair. While there are some cases when couples can move beyond cheating, in most situations, walking away is your best option.

Your gut is telling you to

I think deep down, we always know if we should be with someone or not, even if we can’t admit that out loud. I have been the girl who sat down with a pros and cons list about my current relationship. But looking back, it was evident that was not a good relationship.

I knew that, but I wanted everything to work out. Had I listened to my gut earlier, I would have saved myself some pain. Listen to your gut, do some soul searching, and you should be able to figure out if you should be with the person you are with. When I met my husband, my gut told me that, yes, he was a good guy and worth being with, and I listened.

They are abusive

This seems obvious, but sometimes it isn’t. Emotional abuse can be easy to hide. Threatening, bullying, being too controlling, criticizing you, and trying to manipulate you are all red flags. Things are not going to get better the longer you are together.

Marriage won’t fix things but will make them worse. If you feel like you are being abused, seek help. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is a good place to start. No one deserves to be treated like this. Even if you don’t think they are being abusive, anyone who treats you like crap isn’t worth your time.

You don’t want the military lifestyle

Being a military girlfriend gives you a preview of what you will experience if you stay with your boyfriend long-term. For some, the military is going to be a 20-year career. Can you stand by them during that time? Can you see yourself as a military spouse?

If you don’t want this lifestyle, if you think it would be too difficult, it’s okay to say so and walk away. This life is a hard one. Deployments, solo parenting, and so many stressful days. That being said, even some seasoned military spouses have felt like we couldn’t get through this life, but we just keep going, one day at a time if need be.

Why you shouldn’t break up with your military boyfriend

Yes, some couples do break up. During basic training, during a deployment, or just during regular military life. However, some couples make it.

They get through the difficult parts and become a stronger couple through everything they have to go through. Some couples make the relationship work and go on to have a life together. So why shouldn’t you break up with your military boyfriend?

Because he treats you well and he is truly what you want. 

This might seem simple, but at the end of the day, if you are with someone who will treat you the way you should be treated and he is truly what you want in a boyfriend or a spouse, you can get through almost anything.

We can never know the future or what we might go through together. Life can throw you so many curveballs. Be committed and know that you can handle this military life if you want to be with him.

What advice would you give to someone dating someone in the military?